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This should go without saying but here we are ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ by googlion FOLLOW HERE 4 MORE MEMES.: Voice o reason @Voiceoreason6 Rape prevention tips Rape Prevention Tips Don't put drugs in women's drinks 7 Remember, people go to the laundry room to 2 When you see a woman walking by herself, do their laundry. Do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room. leave her alone 8 Use the Buddy System! If it is inconvenient for If you pull over to help a woman whose car has If you are in an elevator and a woman 5 When you encounter a woman who is asleep, 6 Never creep into a woman's home through an you to stop yourself from raping women, ask a trusted friend to accompany you at broken down, remember not to rape her all times. 9 Carry a rape whistle. If you find that you are gets in, don't rape her about to rape someone, blow the whistle until someone comes to stop you. 10 Don't forget: Honesty is the best policy. When asking a woman out on a date, don't pretend that you are interested in her as a person; tell her straight up that you expect to be raping her later. If you dont communicate your intentions, the woman may take it as a sign that you do not plan to rape her the safest course of action is to not rape her unlocked door or window, or spring out at her from between parked cars, or rape her Graphic by Wendy French 2018/06/20, 17:18 58 Retweets 37 Likes This should go without saying but here we are ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ by googlion FOLLOW HERE 4 MORE MEMES.

This should go without saying but here we are ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ by googlion FOLLOW HERE 4 MORE MEMES.

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michaeldirnt: : My wife and lowned two dogs that we had owned before we met and brought into the marriage. Her dog was a pit bull/Labrador cross named Zack, and he hated me. When our daughter was born,/ said to the wife, if he so much as nips at the baby, he's gone. We brought our daughter home in a car seat, and both dogs sniffed and licked her, tails wagging. Ihad to pull Zack away from her because he wouldn't stop licking her. Zack immediately became my daughter's protector, and when she was lying on a blanket on the floor, he always had to have one foot on the blanket. Zack loved my daughter immensely, and when she became a little older always walked her to bed, and then slept on the bed with her. He somehow knew whenever it was time to go upstairs, and he would wait at the foot of the stairs for her, and then follow her up to bed. Zack was poisoned by some dirtbag neighbor kids, and we had one of the worst days of our lives. Watching my daughter say goodbye to him as he laid still on the kitchen floor, my wife and / were both sobbing. At 8:00 that night, my daughter walked to the stairs to go to bed. At that moment, all three of us realized what was about to happen. After five years, she didn't have Zack to accompany her upstairs. She looked at her mother and me with a look of horror and panic. It was at that moment that my dog, who loved my daughter dearly, but was not in Zack's league, stood up, walked over to her, and nudged her with his head. He put his foot on the stairs, and looked up at her. They walked up to bed, with my daughter holding tightly to his neck. For the next six years, until he died. Sam waited for her by the stairs each night. michaeldirnt:

michaeldirnt:

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mickeyjperez: michaeldirnt: Why…. Why would you do this to my heart : My wife and lowned two dogs that we had owned before we met and brought into the marriage. Her dog was a pit bull/Labrador cross named Zack, and he hated me. When our daughter was born,/ said to the wife, if he so much as nips at the baby, he's gone. We brought our daughter home in a car seat, and both dogs sniffed and licked her, tails wagging. Ihad to pull Zack away from her because he wouldn't stop licking her. Zack immediately became my daughter's protector, and when she was lying on a blanket on the floor, he always had to have one foot on the blanket. Zack loved my daughter immensely, and when she became a little older always walked her to bed, and then slept on the bed with her. He somehow knew whenever it was time to go upstairs, and he would wait at the foot of the stairs for her, and then follow her up to bed. Zack was poisoned by some dirtbag neighbor kids, and we had one of the worst days of our lives. Watching my daughter say goodbye to him as he laid still on the kitchen floor, my wife and / were both sobbing. At 8:00 that night, my daughter walked to the stairs to go to bed. At that moment, all three of us realized what was about to happen. After five years, she didn't have Zack to accompany her upstairs. She looked at her mother and me with a look of horror and panic. It was at that moment that my dog, who loved my daughter dearly, but was not in Zack's league, stood up, walked over to her, and nudged her with his head. He put his foot on the stairs, and looked up at her. They walked up to bed, with my daughter holding tightly to his neck. For the next six years, until he died. Sam waited for her by the stairs each night. mickeyjperez: michaeldirnt: Why…. Why would you do this to my heart

mickeyjperez: michaeldirnt: Why…. Why would you do this to my heart

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phillesteronabun: flying-panda-cat: I paid £2.50 for the Sunday times, took out the magazine and binned the rest 😂 I’m sorry you paid to listen to a shitty interviewer being rude af: DAN AND PHIL Seen and nerd MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR Above: YouTubers Dan Howell (left) and Phil Lester can now sell out arenas like rock stars DAN AND PHIL A geeky pair of YouTube bloggers have topped the autumn bestseller list with their debut book. Eight million teens are addicted to their channels. Josh Glancy meets the poster boys of the great British vlogger boom THE SUNDAY TIMES MAGAZINE 41 DAN AND PHIL THE WHO? Dan and Phil - their in-jokes and "like" patois are all but impenetrable to anyone over the age of 25 here is an air of hushed excitement outside when I arrive at the arena an hour before the evening in October. And the two twentysomething British men are not rock stars, but gawky YouTube bloggers called Dan Howell and Phil Lester. and Phil have the passion of One Directioners or Beliebers (fans of Justin Bieber), but the relationship is not just one of distant obsession. Dan and Phil interact with their fans, tweet them, answer their questions and take on their challenges. For many of their followers, Dan and Phil play the role of big brother, agony aunt, newspaper columnist, comedian and sex icon combined. show begins. Groups of young teenage girls mingle nervously, cans of energy drink in one hand, iPhones glued to the other. Blue jeans and blue hair abound. Unless you are an attentive parent of a web-obsessed teenager or under 25, you are unlikely to have heard of Dan and Phil, whose online personas are Danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil. But in internet-land they are titans. Between them, they have more than 4m Twitter followers and 8m subscribers to their YouTube channels from as far afield as the USA, the Philippines and Indonesia. The pair have separate channels but also collaborate regularly. The figures don't do justice to their almost cult-like influence. Followers of Dan A voice calls from inside and the girls snap into line, trooping at speed into a VIP holding area, where free Haribo and mineral water are provided. Eventually, two young men walk in and the Toom erupts with screaming, crying, a flood of photos. "Oh, my God, you exist in real life!" one fan shouts. The girls are completely overwhelmed, yelping in excitement. The organiser tells me that fainting is a possibility, and assistants are on hand to They have been around for a few years now. Along with the likes of Alfie Deyes and Zoella they were at the heart of what they call the "great British vlogger boom" of 2013, when several vloggers went from having hundreds of thousands of followers to millions in a matter of months. But until recently, most members of the adult world, who use the internet for ordering groceries and checking the news, have continued to ignore them. Now, though, they are becoming impossible to dismiss. Last month they released a book, The Amazing Book Is Not on Fire, a glimpse into their online world and how it was created. Everyone in publishing had expected Bill Bryson's latest book to top the autumn bestseller list, > "We are nerds. We are losers. People like the fact that somebody like them has the audacity to put calm them down if necessary. This, I imagine, is what it felt like to De the Beatles in 1965, or to be One Direction today: world-famous megastars attracting nordes of feverish young women every time they land in New York or Los Angeles. Except this is not Hollywood, but the Plymouth Pavilions on a grey Tuesday themselves out there" THE SUNDAY TIMES MAGAZINE• 43 it was immediately beaten into second place by the "amazing" book. Their debut sold almost 50,000 copies in its first fortnight. DAN AND PHIL en and Phil are outperforming books by Tom Jones, Sue Perkins and Steven Gerrard. Vlogger books are the new frontier in publishing. Last year, despite controversy over whether she actually wrote it. 7oella's debut, Girl Online, became the fastest-selling debut novel since records began, shifting 78,109 copies in just one reek. The 25-year-old fashion blogger from Wiltshire sold as if she were JK Rowling. Unsurprisingly, all the publishing houses are eager for a piece of this new alchemy. The Amazing Book Is Not on Fire doesn't fit a conventional book format. It is partly the story of Dan and Phil and partly trivia about their lives, along with silly drawings, games, emoji interviews and selfie reels. The Catcher in the Rye it is not, but intelligent children are devouring it nonetheless. To accompany the book they have developed a stand-up show and are touring the country, filling theatres and arenas from Belfast to Brighton. The unlikely princes of new media are taking old media by storm. This is what has brought me to Plymouth, with a number of questions I want answered. Who are these strange internet geeks who are taking over the real world? And how on earth do they do it? WILD AT HEART "In real life we're likely to be watching Come Dine with Me" They brush off my question about what it feels like to be unlikely sex idols by claiming that their fans only fancy them "ironically" T he Dan and Phil phenomenon is undeniably huge, but as I arrive in Plymouth I'm still slightly baffled as to what their appeal actually is. I watched several of their videos ahead of the show. They are quirky and eloquent, a paean to internet wackiness, but they also come across as fairly aimless, full of creativity without direction and smile around them, but it is difficult to believe we are all about the same age. Spending most of the past decade on YouTube has given the internet generation would stop reading printed books were wrong. "This book appeals to all sorts," says Zach, 16, one of only two boys amid a sea of girls. "There are a lot of people I know who them a Peter Pan-like quality; they come across as a pair of overgrown teenagers. "Watching Dan and Phil makes me laugh, it makes me happy," says Shelby, a 16-year-old with electric-blue hair and a pierced septum. "They have a unique connection with their audience. They act humour without any depth. A typical video might see the pair attempt to apply make-up to one another's faces while wearing a blindfold. They often conduct "seven-second challenges", submitted by fans, such as "name three things you wouldn't have tattooed on your body" or "spell Christmas backwards", which really casual with you, like you're all part of they then have seven seconds to complete. At the show, I asked some of the girls what it is they like so much about their idols. The most common response was that they are dorky everymen with whom teenagers can genuinely identify. They seem to provide an online comfort blanket, a refuge from the travails of adolescence. I joined Dan and Phil backstage for a while and found them unthreatening, clean- cut, lovable and slightly irritating. Their clothes are Topman, their hairstyles both fiercely swept Bieber-esque fringes. Their humour is also similar: a fusion of millennial their own special technique for how to paint party: Smartie Artie meets Michael Mclntyre kookiness, "like" patois and David Brentian irony. They work well together, generating a bouncy positivity that makes it hard not to would never ever read a book in their life who have bought this. They've watched the YouTube videos so they know what to expect." Zach is in the long queue to meet Dan and Phil, which involves a hug with the pair, a quick selfie and then a furious session of tweeting, Instagramming and WhatsApping the picture to jealous friends. It's only when I watch the show itself that I understand quite what is going on here. The entire thing is full of in-jokes from their vlogs. Phil sits on a giant model lion, Dan on a llama. The crowd emits an ear- splitting shriek– apparently Dan has a thing for llamas. Then they start acting out seven-second challenges. I'm the same age as Phil, 28, but I have never felt more the same internet family." Shelby is part of the sprawling, multi-platform Dan and Phil online community. She has a special Twitter account that she uses to discuss their work with virtual fans all over the country. "I love Dan and Phil because I can relate to them," says Abby, a 14-year-old fan. “I just like watching them so much. They're my favourite YouTubers because they are more personal, you can relate to them more." Like many of the girls present, Abby has cat whiskers painted on her face. This is a Dan and Phil trademark - they demonstrate appallingly middle-aged. The whole event has the feel of a large children's birthday What I quickly realise is that boring adults aren't meant to get it. Indeed, the fact they don't is part of the appeal. In the > them in one of their videos. Almost everyone is clutching a copy of Dan and Phil's book, proof that those who thought THE SUNDAY TIMES MAGAZINE• 45 same way that pop music confounded the eardrums of mid-20th-century parents, fans of Dan and Phil like the fact that this is their DAN AND PHIL world and the rest of us don't understand. meet Dan and Phil properly the next day at the offices of their publisher. They are 24 and 28 respectively, but when Dan describes my use of a pen to take notes as "endearing", it feels like ve are from different generations. Texplain my struggle to understand what it is they actually do on YouTube. "There is a whole fanbase out there that is specifically passionate about me and Phil and what we stand for" Dan smiles knowingly. “Nobody specifically passionate about me and Phil and what we stand for," he says. understands what YouTube is vet. especially in the British media and public," represent the people who aren't cool," says Dan. "We are nerds. We are losers. People They are understandably coy about their like the fact that someone like them has the ays. "The grandma that has Facebook cees YouTube as this place where there are ints of cat videos. But really it's a Wild West frontier of independent creativity. For the frst time in the world, you don't have commissioning editors and channels and budgets. People are just independently doing whatever they want." Dan Howell, a Berkshire native, is the pin-up of the duo and turns up in a tight- itting black leather jacket and black skinny jeans. Phil Lester is older, a “YouTube dinosaur". He started on the website in the far-distant days of 2006 and was already a regular vlogger when Dan messaged him five years ago to ask for help with his own video ambitions. Both were living in Manchester at the time: Phil with his parents, having just finished a master's in video postproduction, and Dan in his first year studying law at Manchester University. "I wasn't making videos to get an audience," says Phil. "I just saw it was a cool thing that other people were doing. I was just going to talk about my day and whack it on there. It took a year to get 100 subscribers." "Everybody who is at a big place these days has been growing their channel for years," says Dan, who describes his early YouTubing as a "creative hobby with no goal in sight", and claims success came to him pretty much by accident. Things moved faster once the pair began collaborating regularly. Dan dropped out of university and the pair gave themselves a year to see if they could make a living out of YouTube. In 2013 Radio 1 brought them in to appeal to younger listeners and they quickly found themselves reporting from the Brit Awards - but YouTube has remained their main focus until the recent book and tour. "I like the book because it's a physical copy of everything we've done on YouTube," says Phil. "If we die in a meteor strike in 50 years, it will still exist." Phil may have started off as the master earnings, but it's clear they haven't looked back from their decision to try to make a living off YouTube. Estimates put Dan's wealth at £2m. Their main source of YouTube income is simply from the advertising on their videos – but sometimes they also produce sponsored content. This got them in trouble with the Advertising Standards Agency (ASA) recently, when it was decided they hadn't made it clear to viewers that an Oreo audacity to put themselves out there. We spend all our time inside reading Harry Potter and playing video games. We're the faces of the losers at school. That's why Dan and Phil are different to other people, who look perfect, who are mainstream, with the perfect teeth and the perfect hair." They may share much of their lives with millions of followers, but the rest is strictly cordoned off. They live together in a flat in London, but won't say where. They brush off my question about what it feels like to be unlikely sex idols by claiming that their fans only fancy them "ironically". I ask Dan what biscuit-licking competition was paid for by the brand. The ads were banned. Dan and Phil's friendliness recedes for a moment when I bring it up. "Oh, for God's sake." savs Dan. “Was there a controversy? It was another element of misunderstanding, I think." “There was no controversy because there were no guidelines in place," says Phil. "This was just the ASA deciding what the rules should be. Everyone was, like, "Great, now we know what to do." "What we're annoyed by is that people think there was an incident, but the story was that nobody did anything wrong," adds Dan. "The ASA were deciding what the rules are, which is a good and necessary thing." Has the bruising episode put them off doing sponsored content? "I'm in the quite lucky position where I don't have to do a lot of sponsored content to support myself," says Dan. "I can take an opportunity if, for whatever reason, I want to. But there are he thinks about the persistent rumours that he is gay. He references the actor Tom Hardy's plea for privacy over the same issue. "We don't talk about our private lives in any way," he says. “Creatively, we want to be apart from the people who are reality stars. We don't want to be some Kardashian." "In real life, we are more likely to be playing video games or watching Come Dine with Me than going to nightclubs, and they [the fans] know that," adds Phil. The pair are enjoying their tour, not least because they "don't usually spend much time outdoors". Next up they plan to take it to Rio, Manila, Jakarta and America, where their biggest fanbase resides. But what does the future look like? Aren't they getting a bit old for larking about on YouTube? I find it hard to believe that these intelligent grown men aren't starting to find it odd playing entertainer to young teenage children. "Never underestimate the intelligence of a 12-year-old," says Dan, who claims that he doesn't dumb down his content for younger followers. "I'm having such a good time right now," says Phil. "The exciting thing is, no one knows what the future [for YouTubers] is going to be. We're the first ones, we're like the test subjects, to see what happens." "Everything is brand new," adds Dan. "Are the YouTubers going to jump on to TV? Is TV going to implode into nothingness? creators out there who literally survive off sponsored content. So I think it's necessary." YouTube is making them rich, but what do they say to people who find their work entertaining, but ultimately a bit pointless? "It's just wrong," says Dan. "It's completely wrong. It's understandable, people haven't had that much exposure to YouTube. The reason people like me is because I open up about my opinion and my thoughts on everything, from existentialism to whether or not it's right to keep hamsters in cages." "Even in our videos, we have fun in some, but others have advice and messages," Literally, nobody knows. We're in a great position, so we are going with the flow. Confidently." I The Amazing Book Is Not on Fire (Ebury Press £16.99) is out now. To buy it for £14.99, inc p&p, call 0845 271 2135 or visit thesundaytimes.co.uk/bookshop and Dan the apprentice, but in interviews, at says Phil. "A lot of it is reflecting what life is least, it appears that Dan is in charge as he ends up fielding almost every question, brimming with an almost arrogant ebullience about their achievements. "There is a whole fanbase out there that is like in school, or when starting university. That kind of thing, coming from someone who has experienced it, can help people." I wonder what their own explanation is for their seemingly insatiable appeal? "We THE SUNDAY TIMES MAGAZINE• 47 phillesteronabun: flying-panda-cat: I paid £2.50 for the Sunday times, took out the magazine and binned the rest 😂 I’m sorry you paid to listen to a shitty interviewer being rude af
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Upcoming Space Events of 2015!omg-humor.tumblr.com: SPACE EVENTS 2015 EARLY 2015 JAN 20 The Philae lander will awaken. It fell into an idle mode after it came to rest between two The United Launch Alliance Atlas V rocket shadowy cliffs. launches the Mobile User Objective System (MUOS) for the U.S. Navy. JAN 27 - 29 JAN 31 The NIAC Program will generate radically better and entirely new aerospace concepts. A SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket launches DSCOVR, a satellite designed to warn of harmful solar activity. FEB 11 Europe is due to launch a test flight of its reusable Intermediate eXperimental Vehicle (IXV). MAR 6 NASA's Dawn probe will arrive at Ceres, which was considered to be the largest asteroid in our Solar System until it was officially classified as a Dwarf Planet. MAR 20 The dark shadow of the moon will trace a curved path primarily over the North Atlantic and Arctic oceans. MAR 27 NASA astronaut Scott Kelly and cosmonaut Mikhail Kornienko will start a one-year stay in MARCH space on the ISS. A first. NASA's MESSENGER mission will end, sending the probe crashing into Mercury. MARCH MARCH An Atlas V rocket launches the Magnetospheric Multiscale mission designed to take measurements of magnetospheric boundary regions. The Delta IV rocket launches the GPS IIF-9, the eighth in a series of next-generation GPS satellites which will improve GPS accuracy worldwide. APR 12 Yuri's Night parties will be held around the world to celebrate Yuri Gagarin becoming the first person in space (1961) and the inaugural launch of NASA's Space Shuttle (1981). APR 24 The Hubble Space Telescope turns 25. It's expected to function through 2018. Its successor will be the James Webb Telescope. MAY JUNE The U.S. Air Force's secretive X-37B robotic space plane is expected to launch on its fourth mission. Its missions are classified. The SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket launches the Dragon spacecraft on the seventh operational cargo delivery mission to the ISS. JUNE JUL 14 The Atlas V rocket launches the GPS IF-10 satellite, the tenth in a series of next-generation GPS satellites, resulting in improved GPS accuracy worldwide. NASA's New Horizons spacecraft will make its much-anticipated flyby of the dwarf planet Pluto. AUG 6 After 3 years on Mars, NASA's Curiosity rover will continue exploring the base of Mt. Sharp in Gale Crater throughout 2015. AUG 12 The Perseid meteor shower is usually considered to be among the best of the annual meteor displays at 90 meteors per hour. AUGUST The Rosetta spacecraft will accompany Comet 67P/ Churyumov-Gerasimenko on its closest approach to the sun, beaming back unprecidented science. NOV 5 - 12 Earth periodically encounters swarms of large particles, which can produce fireball meteors in certain years, and 2015 is predicted to be one of those years. DEC 13 - 14 The Geminid meteor shower may generate up to two meteor sightings every minute, or 120 per hour. 2015 The European Space Agency's LISA Pathfinder mission will attempt to detect ripples in space- time. LATE 2015 The EHT, is an array of telescopes around the world that will simulate a telescope the diameter of our planet, for the first time ever. FOREKAST. C O M Expected dates as of 20 January, 2015 CHECK OUT MEMEPIX.COM МЕМЕРIХ.Cом Upcoming Space Events of 2015!omg-humor.tumblr.com

Upcoming Space Events of 2015!omg-humor.tumblr.com

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dreadandafugitivemind: issybellious: imnotarealfuckingpirate: youknowyourebritishwhen: After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Sainsbury’s. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Sainsbury’s… Dear Mrs. Harris,Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are “documented by our videosurveillance cameras”:1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an officialvoice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of Maltesers.6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION - WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children obliged.8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he begancrying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ Emergency Medics were called.9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.10. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudlyhumming the ’ Mission Impossible’ theme.11. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.12. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsedthrough, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’13. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’14. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.And last, but not least:15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waitedawhile, and then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’ One of the Staff passed out. OMFG I AM SCREAMING. You are my hero. I am 97% sure that that’s the old SaverCentre Sainsburys in Bellingham, Lewisham. : Sainsbury's dreadandafugitivemind: issybellious: imnotarealfuckingpirate: youknowyourebritishwhen: After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Sainsbury’s. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Sainsbury’s… Dear Mrs. Harris,Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are “documented by our videosurveillance cameras”:1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an officialvoice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of Maltesers.6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION - WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children obliged.8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he begancrying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ Emergency Medics were called.9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.10. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudlyhumming the ’ Mission Impossible’ theme.11. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.12. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsedthrough, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’13. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’14. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.And last, but not least:15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waitedawhile, and then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’ One of the Staff passed out. OMFG I AM SCREAMING. You are my hero. I am 97% sure that that’s the old SaverCentre Sainsburys in Bellingham, Lewisham.
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ponin-e: jonnovstheinternet: imnotarealfuckingpirate: youknowyourebritishwhen: After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Sainsbury’s. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Sainsbury’s… Dear Mrs. Harris,Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are “documented by our videosurveillance cameras”:1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an officialvoice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of Maltesers.6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION - WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children obliged.8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he begancrying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ Emergency Medics were called.9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.10. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudlyhumming the ’ Mission Impossible’ theme.11. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.12. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsedthrough, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’13. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’14. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.And last, but not least:15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waitedawhile, and then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’ One of the Staff passed out. OMFG I AM SCREAMING. So good I’m going to pee myself, this is too hilarious : Sainsbury's ponin-e: jonnovstheinternet: imnotarealfuckingpirate: youknowyourebritishwhen: After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Sainsbury’s. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Sainsbury’s… Dear Mrs. Harris,Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are “documented by our videosurveillance cameras”:1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an officialvoice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of Maltesers.6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION - WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children obliged.8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he begancrying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ Emergency Medics were called.9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.10. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudlyhumming the ’ Mission Impossible’ theme.11. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.12. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsedthrough, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’13. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’14. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.And last, but not least:15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waitedawhile, and then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’ One of the Staff passed out. OMFG I AM SCREAMING. So good I’m going to pee myself, this is too hilarious
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