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80s, Adam Driver, and Adam Sandler: NO ONE WILL WATCH THIS No ONE WANTS7 /S UL JUL CARES FOA THIS its-bewitched: trilllizard666: keyhollow:Story matters more than sex, please always remember that. what’s funniest about this comic, I think, is the wildly inconsistent success or complete lack of in the properties and the vast, wild differences between how they were received in the run up to the premier of them as artistic/entertainment propertiesFiegbusters/Ghostbusters 2016 had a PR run that was mostly defined by a weird antagonism where they said detractors are just manbaby basement dwellers that hate women, along with pretty badly done trailers that people compared to Pixels. Remember Pixels? That awful Adam Sandler REMEMBER THE 80S vehicle/scam? That said, unlike Pixels, this Ghostbusters failed to make money. It flopped. It flopped terribly. So Strawman McGee was actually right, Nobody DID Watch This, besides weirdoes that used Holtzmann reaction gifs for a month and kept saying how gay they were for two of the lady Ghostbusters.Star Wars: The Force Awakens was a huge runaway box office success with people excited to see it, even though a lot of people were critical of Rey and how boring she was as a character, in comparison to Finn and Poe, who had a lot more interesting going on with their characters, respectively, and people were excited to see The Last Jedi. Then came the sequel. It was…still a financial box office success, but it was extremely divisive among Star Wars fans and any group of critics that aren’t deeply entrenched “establishment” film critics. And there’s rumors abound it wasn’t quite AS much a box office success as Disney would like, which along with Solo flopping, seems to have resulted in Disney pulling back their Star Wars output a little tiny bit. Possibly.Literally all the reasons that people were apprehensive about Wonder Woman pre-release were all reasons unrelated to her being a woman. She’s one of the most important DC superheroes, a founding member of almost all incarnations of the Justice League, and Frank Miller himself has called part of The Trinity of DC, along with Superman and Batman. People were apprehensive of a Wonder Woman film because almost all the previous attempts to bring Wonder Woman to film or TV have been some sort of disaster, from the Joss Whedon script that leaked that everyone took the absolute piss out of (which had a seriously troubled production that led to the Wonder Woman film we eventually got), to the horrible pilot that makes Wonder Woman into a bizarrely inconsistent crazed murderer. People were apprehensive of a Wonder Woman film because it was part of the badly executed DCEU, with the previous films before this including BvS and Suicide Squad, which were critically SAVAGED. People were looking at a Wonder Woman and dreading it cause they were like “oh god not another one of these fucking awful films”. and then Justice League afterwards was total dogshit. and yeah, there was a bit of controversy about Gal Gadot, but that’s from a mixture of people not being sure she could actually act well enough because she was mostly a model and was in a Fast and Furious film before this, and because she is a proud IDF member, which is kinda controversial because of all the baggage that comes with what the Israeli military frequently does in terms of war crimes. (granted, she was only ever in a non combat role when she served in the military, but come on, this website gave Adam Driver shit for joining the USMC and not doing anything combat related before he got a medical discharge cause he broke his collarbone lmao). it had nothing to do with being a woman.Literally nobody cares about She-Ra except for weirdoes into it, like the beanmouth manchildren animation adherents or the people that uniroically think SJWs are killing everything, and it’s a cheaply made Netflix show. You’d have to almost try on purpose to not make any money from a Netflix show with a low/modest budget. Also I know a few families with young girls and young boys and nobody I know seems to remotely give a shit about the reboot She-Ra. It’s all weird teenagers, shippers, and the type of people that send death threats for people drawing boobs while beating meat to the catgirl in it getting with the main character.Captain Marvel is a box office success and reviewing decently well, but even the critics that like it are leveling criticisms towards how badly shot and done some of the fight scenes and long shots are, and a popular sentient is a lot of the fights have it so that it’s almost impossible to tell what’s happening, which isn’t a criticism unique to Captain Marvel. However, most people that were unthrilled about Captain Marvel before launch…Thought the trailer looked boring (gosh, that’s familiar), or were people raising an eyebrow at how the film’s basically Air Force propaganda. And it’s probably worth saying here, Captain Marvel, or Carol Danvers just isn’t that popular a character and isn’t popular in comics at all. Marvel flagrantly kept trying to astroturf her into an A lister position after they realized they had (at the time), sold off the film rights to a majority of the popular female characters. Most all their popular heroes and anti-heroes and villains that were female are in the X-Men, which was owned by Fox, or in other films in other studios. Cue the pre-Disney buyout reboot of her. Which flopped as a solo title, by the way. Notice how almost all the stuff with Ms Marvel/Danvers Captain Marvel that does well has her as a MEMBER or a side character. She’s a C-level character that came into existence, pre-retcon, because a superpowered Kree’s DNA got mixed with hers in an explosion. She was an emergency replacement, out of universe because of the Captain Marvel DC/Marvel clusterfuck and lawsuits. She’s less a character, and more a device. And this also easily fits under the “needlessly, weirdly antagonistic PR umbrella”nobody that can string together more than a comprehensible sentence does not dislike this things cause there’s women in it, trust me lmao The issue with captain marvel is RT deleting up to 50k reviews from fans that dislike the film. The headlines are “Brie Larson defeats internet trolls!” Calling fans trolls sure does a lot to discourage them from getting into a movie.
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Bad, Candy, and Cars: Slate.com 5 hrs . Slate Dear Prudie: Do I have to give them candy? aT T-T Help! Kids From Poorer Neighborhoods Keep Trick- or-Treating in Mine. Slate.com Dear Prudence, I live in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in the country, but on one of the more "modest" streets-mostly doctors and lawyers and family business owners. (A few blocks away are billionaires, families with famous last names, media moguls, etc.) I have noticed that on Halloween, what seems like 75 percent of the trick-or-treaters are clearly not from this neighborhood. Kids arrive in overflowing cars from less fortunate areas. I feel this is inappropriate. Halloween isn't a social service or a charity in which l have to buy candy for less fortunate children Obviously this makes me feel like a terrible person, because what's the big deal about making less fortunate kids happy on a holiday? But it just bugs me, because we already pay more than enough taxes toward actual social services. Should Halloween be a neighborhood activity, or is it legitimately a free-for-all in which people hunt down the best candy grounds for their kids? 91.6K 705 Slate Slate.com's Post See More memesandmagik: ryulongd: rune-midgarts: goodtimegang: brakehagev2: guys this is actually real like a real person wrote this “more than enough” oh you fucking saints, absolutely pouring wealth onto the unfortunates lol this is amazing Dear Prudie, I think I just witnessed a murder Literally, the entire point of the tradition of trick-or-treating involved feeding your hungry neighbors in exchange for blessings, prayers for your dead, and good luck. To deny someone of a “treat” was bad luck and thought to anger the fae.  So yeah I hope her house gets egged and her wealth mysteriously dissipates without warning. 
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Candy, Cars, and Children: Slate.com 5 hrs . Slate Dear Prudie: Do I have to give them candy? aT T-T Help! Kids From Poorer Neighborhoods Keep Trick- or-Treating in Mine. Slate.com Dear Prudence, I live in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in the country, but on one of the more "modest" streets-mostly doctors and lawyers and family business owners. (A few blocks away are billionaires, families with famous last names, media moguls, etc.) I have noticed that on Halloween, what seems like 75 percent of the trick-or-treaters are clearly not from this neighborhood. Kids arrive in overflowing cars from less fortunate areas. I feel this is inappropriate. Halloween isn't a social service or a charity in which l have to buy candy for less fortunate children Obviously this makes me feel like a terrible person, because what's the big deal about making less fortunate kids happy on a holiday? But it just bugs me, because we already pay more than enough taxes toward actual social services. Should Halloween be a neighborhood activity, or is it legitimately a free-for-all in which people hunt down the best candy grounds for their kids? 91.6K 705 Slate Slate.com's Post See More buchergenuss32: wahbegan: teaboot: ryulongd: rune-midgarts: goodtimegang: brakehagev2: guys this is actually real like a real person wrote this “more than enough” oh you fucking saints, absolutely pouring wealth onto the unfortunates lol this is amazing Dear Prudie, I think I just witnessed a murder You fucking monster GET HER PRUDENCE Link!
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Ass, Bad, and Bitch: HOW DOMINO'S PIZZA TRACKER SAVED A LIFE This is a story of why dating bipolar girls is not a good idea and how the Domino's Pizza tracker saved my life I have always been on the fence when it comes to Pizza Hut Vs. Dominos. I don't eat enough pizza from either to really have a concrete answer of which one makes a better pie. I can tell you one solid truth... As my last relationship ended and the lies, scandals and deceptions came out, after all was said and done, my psycho ex girlfriend did teach me one VERY important thing ALWAYS choose Domino's over pizza hut. I had been having trouble with my now Ex-girlfriend for quite awhile, I won't go into details, but let's just say she went crazy. I thought, simple: I'Il just break it off Wrong One Friday night, around 8:00pm, after a long week of work and incessant phone calls/psychotic voicemails from the unbalanced EX, I decided I was going to stay in, which one any weekend night is abnormal for me. Usually on weekend nights that I am in, I usually am cool with a movie, a 6 pack and a pizza. I had been ordering from Pizza Hut the last few times, but after a constant bombardment with Domino's WEVE CHANGED OUR SHIT,I SWEAR WE RE AWESOME NOW ad campaign, I decided to give it a shot Around 8pm, I went online to order my pizza I built a modest 2 topping medium pizza, and placed my order. You have to love how far we have come in the delivery pizza world Immediately afterwards, I was introduced to the piece of a software that would save my neck The Pizza Tracker Pizza tracker? Fuck yeah, the pizza tracker. If you don't know what the pizza tracker is, then get your ass online right now and order a pizza from Domino's It's the equivalent of a loading bar on a web browser, except at the end of the loading you get a delicious pizza ORDER MENU COUPONS LOCATIONS TRACKER ESPANO This is where the night got interesting. I am on my couch, one eye on "Parks and Rec the other on the pizza tracker displayed on my lap top that joined me on the couch. We had just entered stage 2. Prep. KNOCKI KNOCKI KNOCK For a split second I thought, "woh that was fast, Iput my order in 10 minutes ago and pizza tracker says it's still in stage 2 By the end of my thought, the door swung open Guess who Yep, it was my psychotic EX. Knife in hand, she starts threatening to do some pretty awful things. I try to stand up, she freaks. I stay on the couch and attempt to calm her down. She goes into a hysterical rant about us getting back together, ya right, and I glance at the pizza tracker Stage 3. Bake (Juan is putting your order in the oven) She goes on while all I can think is GO JUAN GO!!!GET THAT SHIT IN THE OVEN l try to calm her down, I stand up and she freaks out and tells me "SIT THE FUCK DOWN!! She continues on her violet outburst and I tell her we can work things out hoping to get her to calm down. It's no use. I decide I need to try and get to my phone. l inconspicuously try to look for my cell phone. Dammit! I left it my room. I am screwed. I am dead. The pizza man will get blamed for this! Oh, the poor pizza boy will be wrongfully blamed and get life in prison for what this unstable bitch is going to do to me STAGE 41 BOX FUCK YEAH! They are boxing up my pizza. Get your ass over here She continues on for another 5 minutes. Trying to make eye contact, glancing at the pizza tracker every second she looks away Stage 51 DELIVERY Alejandro is delivering your pizza GOD SPEED ALEJENDROIII MY LIFE AND YOUR FREEDOM RELY ON THIS Knowing that the Alejandro is on the way, I try and just keep her talking, but the more she talks the more enraged she gets. I try to interupt, but that just makes things worse It's been 10 minutes, Alejandro should be here any time She continues, she is yelling at the top of her lungs about the things we could have been. I am still banking that Alejandro will be here any second and save the day 10 more minutes go by Alejandro GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR SHE IS OFFICIALLY FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. She puts the knife up to her wrist and then takes it away. I am panicking. Where the fuck is Alejandro! Pizza tracker tells me we're still in stage 5. FUCK YOU PIZZA TRACKER, YOUVE BEEN IN STAGE 5 FOR 25 MINUTES!!!! I will never order from Domino's again!!! After this thought I immediately think to myself, I will be dead, so I will probably never order another pizza again. Right then, the cops come in. At gunpoint they calm her down and obtain the knife. Alejandro had shown up to the door wide open and saw psycho with the knife and went back to his 98 Honda Accord and called the cops. Domino's pizza literally saved my life. They should change the name from the pizza tracker to the savior tracker Alejandro is the true definition of a hero. In a way, Alejandro is the 5th ninja turtle. He showed up, accessed the situation, didnt panic, and saved my ass from the bad guys. Oh yeah, and he brought a fucking excellent pizza too. THIS IS THE MOST AWESOME THING I HAVE EVER READ POWER TO THE PIZZA MA THEMETAPICTURECOM srsfunny: Very Well Done Domino’s Pizza Tracker
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Ass, Bad, and Bitch: HOW DOMINO'S PIZZA TRACKER SAVED A LIFE This is a story of why dating bipolar girls is not a good idea and how the Domino's Pizza tracker saved my life I have always been on the fence when it comes to Pizza Hut Vs. Dominos. I don't eat enough pizza from either to really have a concrete answer of which one makes a better pie. I can tell you one solid truth... As my last relationship ended and the lies, scandals and deceptions came out, after all was said and done, my psycho ex girlfriend did teach me one VERY important thing ALWAYS choose Domino's over pizza hut. I had been having trouble with my now Ex-girlfriend for quite awhile, I won't go into details, but let's just say she went crazy. I thought, simple: I'Il just break it off Wrong One Friday night, around 8:00pm, after a long week of work and incessant phone calls/psychotic voicemails from the unbalanced EX, I decided I was going to stay in, which one any weekend night is abnormal for me. Usually on weekend nights that I am in, I usually am cool with a movie, a 6 pack and a pizza. I had been ordering from Pizza Hut the last few times, but after a constant bombardment with Domino's WEVE CHANGED OUR SHIT,I SWEAR WE RE AWESOME NOW ad campaign, I decided to give it a shot Around 8pm, I went online to order my pizza I built a modest 2 topping medium pizza, and placed my order. You have to love how far we have come in the delivery pizza world Immediately afterwards, I was introduced to the piece of a software that would save my neck The Pizza Tracker Pizza tracker? Fuck yeah, the pizza tracker. If you don't know what the pizza tracker is, then get your ass online right now and order a pizza from Domino's It's the equivalent of a loading bar on a web browser, except at the end of the loading you get a delicious pizza ORDER MENU COUPONS LOCATIONS TRACKER ESPANO This is where the night got interesting. I am on my couch, one eye on "Parks and Rec the other on the pizza tracker displayed on my lap top that joined me on the couch. We had just entered stage 2. Prep. KNOCKI KNOCKI KNOCK For a split second I thought, "woh that was fast, Iput my order in 10 minutes ago and pizza tracker says it's still in stage 2 By the end of my thought, the door swung open Guess who Yep, it was my psychotic EX. Knife in hand, she starts threatening to do some pretty awful things. I try to stand up, she freaks. I stay on the couch and attempt to calm her down. She goes into a hysterical rant about us getting back together, ya right, and I glance at the pizza tracker Stage 3. Bake (Juan is putting your order in the oven) She goes on while all I can think is GO JUAN GO!!!GET THAT SHIT IN THE OVEN l try to calm her down, I stand up and she freaks out and tells me "SIT THE FUCK DOWN!! She continues on her violet outburst and I tell her we can work things out hoping to get her to calm down. It's no use. I decide I need to try and get to my phone. l inconspicuously try to look for my cell phone. Dammit! I left it my room. I am screwed. I am dead. The pizza man will get blamed for this! Oh, the poor pizza boy will be wrongfully blamed and get life in prison for what this unstable bitch is going to do to me STAGE 41 BOX FUCK YEAH! They are boxing up my pizza. Get your ass over here She continues on for another 5 minutes. Trying to make eye contact, glancing at the pizza tracker every second she looks away Stage 51 DELIVERY Alejandro is delivering your pizza GOD SPEED ALEJENDROIII MY LIFE AND YOUR FREEDOM RELY ON THIS Knowing that the Alejandro is on the way, I try and just keep her talking, but the more she talks the more enraged she gets. I try to interupt, but that just makes things worse It's been 10 minutes, Alejandro should be here any time She continues, she is yelling at the top of her lungs about the things we could have been. I am still banking that Alejandro will be here any second and save the day 10 more minutes go by Alejandro GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR SHE IS OFFICIALLY FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. She puts the knife up to her wrist and then takes it away. I am panicking. Where the fuck is Alejandro! Pizza tracker tells me we're still in stage 5. FUCK YOU PIZZA TRACKER, YOUVE BEEN IN STAGE 5 FOR 25 MINUTES!!!! I will never order from Domino's again!!! After this thought I immediately think to myself, I will be dead, so I will probably never order another pizza again. Right then, the cops come in. At gunpoint they calm her down and obtain the knife. Alejandro had shown up to the door wide open and saw psycho with the knife and went back to his 98 Honda Accord and called the cops. Domino's pizza literally saved my life. They should change the name from the pizza tracker to the savior tracker Alejandro is the true definition of a hero. In a way, Alejandro is the 5th ninja turtle. He showed up, accessed the situation, didnt panic, and saved my ass from the bad guys. Oh yeah, and he brought a fucking excellent pizza too. THIS IS THE MOST AWESOME THING I HAVE EVER READ POWER TO THE PIZZA MA THEMETAPICTURECOM srsfunny:Very Well Done Domino’s Pizza Tracker
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Candy, Cars, and Children: brakehagev2 Slate.com 5 hrs Slate Dear Prudie: Do I have to give them candy? Help! Kids From Poorer Neighborhoods Keep Trick- or-Treating in Mine Slate.com Dear Prudence I live in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in the country, but on one of the more "modest" streets-mostly doctors and lawyers and family business owners. (A few blocks away are billionaires, families with famous last names, media moguls, etc.) I have noticed that on Halloween, what seems like 75 percent of the trick-or-treaters are clearly not from this neighborhood. Kids arrive in overflowing cars from less fortunate areas. I feel this is inappropriate. Halloween isn't a social service or a charity in which I have to buy candy for less fortunate children. Obviously this makes me feel like a terrible person, because what's the big deal about making less fortunate kids happy on a holiday? But it just bugs me, because we already pay more than enough taxes toward actual social services. Should Halloween be a neighborhood activity, or is it legitimately a free-for-all in which people hunt down the best candy grounds for their kids? Slate.com's Post See More > guys this is actually real like a real person wrote this goodtimegang "more than enough" oh you fucking saints, absolutely pouring wealth onto the unfortunates rune-midgarts lol this is amazing ryulongd Dear 99, In the urban neighborhood where I used to live, families who were not from the immediate area would come in fairly large groups to trick-or-treat on our streets, which were safe, well-lit, and full of people overstocked with candy. It was delightful to see the little mermaids, spider-men, ghosts, and the occasional axe murderer excitedly run up and down our front steps, having the time of their lives. So we'd spend an extra $20 to make sure we had enough candy for kids who weren't as fortunate as ours. There you are, 99, on the impoverished side of Greenwich or Beverly Hills, with the other struggling lawyers, doctors, and business owners. Your whine makes me kind of wish that people from the actual poor side of town come this year not with scary costumes but with real pitchforks. Stop being callous and miserly and go to Costco, you cheapskate, and get enough candy to fill the bags of the kids who come one day a year to marvel at how the 1 percent live. -Prudie Dear Prudie I think I just witnessed a murder teaboot You fucking monster wahbegan GET HER PRUDENCE Is it that hard to not be a jerk for one night
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Candy, Cars, and Children: Slate.com 5 hrs . Slate Dear Prudie: Do I have to give them candy? aT T-T Help! Kids From Poorer Neighborhoods Keep Trick- or-Treating in Mine. Slate.com Dear Prudence, I live in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in the country, but on one of the more "modest" streets-mostly doctors and lawyers and family business owners. (A few blocks away are billionaires, families with famous last names, media moguls, etc.) I have noticed that on Halloween, what seems like 75 percent of the trick-or-treaters are clearly not from this neighborhood. Kids arrive in overflowing cars from less fortunate areas. I feel this is inappropriate. Halloween isn't a social service or a charity in which l have to buy candy for less fortunate children Obviously this makes me feel like a terrible person, because what's the big deal about making less fortunate kids happy on a holiday? But it just bugs me, because we already pay more than enough taxes toward actual social services. Should Halloween be a neighborhood activity, or is it legitimately a free-for-all in which people hunt down the best candy grounds for their kids? 91.6K 705 Slate Slate.com's Post See More wahbegan: teaboot: ryulongd: rune-midgarts: goodtimegang: brakehagev2: guys this is actually real like a real person wrote this “more than enough” oh you fucking saints, absolutely pouring wealth onto the unfortunates lol this is amazing Dear Prudie, I think I just witnessed a murder You fucking monster GET HER PRUDENCE
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Candy, Cars, and Children: Slate.com 5 hrs . Slate Dear Prudie: Do I have to give them candy? aT T-T Help! Kids From Poorer Neighborhoods Keep Trick- or-Treating in Mine. Slate.com Dear Prudence, I live in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in the country, but on one of the more "modest" streets-mostly doctors and lawyers and family business owners. (A few blocks away are billionaires, families with famous last names, media moguls, etc.) I have noticed that on Halloween, what seems like 75 percent of the trick-or-treaters are clearly not from this neighborhood. Kids arrive in overflowing cars from less fortunate areas. I feel this is inappropriate. Halloween isn't a social service or a charity in which l have to buy candy for less fortunate children Obviously this makes me feel like a terrible person, because what's the big deal about making less fortunate kids happy on a holiday? But it just bugs me, because we already pay more than enough taxes toward actual social services. Should Halloween be a neighborhood activity, or is it legitimately a free-for-all in which people hunt down the best candy grounds for their kids? 91.6K 705 Slate Slate.com's Post See More kari-izumi: wahbegan: teaboot: ryulongd: rune-midgarts: goodtimegang: brakehagev2: guys this is actually real like a real person wrote this “more than enough” oh you fucking saints, absolutely pouring wealth onto the unfortunates lol this is amazing Dear Prudie, I think I just witnessed a murder You fucking monster GET HER PRUDENCE Holy shit, white people are wild 😂🙄
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Apple, Beard, and Beautiful: 62,681 do all Americans have pet eagles? Yes I remember my first eagle ceremony when I turned nine. The first eagle you get is always declawed, which I always thought was pretty inhumane, but it was a good way to ease into caring for the birds. My eagle (named Baldy, because I wasnt a terribly clever child) was already quite old when I received him (he was a rescue eagle, luckily) but I did have him until I was 16. I don't know if I was more excited about getting my drivers license that year or my new eagle! You should have seen the party we had when I got him, too! Grilled hot dogs and fire works and lemonade... obviously I named my beautiful new eagle Freedom. He's too big to keep inside anymore, unfortunatey but we've got a pretty comfortable roost for him on our apartment's balcony Ah, yes, the eagle ceremony! My Justice and I remember his quite well. (They had just come out with telepathic link transplants when I got him, which is how I know he remembers it.) Our celebration was quite modest, compared to Freedom's-apple pie under a cloudless summer sky as we signed our Declaration of Interdependence. I still have the inked and talon-plerced document hanging on my wall. what is this Get out Canada I was so scared during my pet eagle ceremony I almost threw up. But Stonewall Jackson and I have been best friends ever since. My dad and grandfather built a really massive roost behind the house for my eagle and my sisters' eagles. Stonewall always waits for me when I get home from class since schools are getting so over protective and strict these days and won't allow eagles indoors. Which just goes to show how much we're bubble wrapping kids today. Back in the day, if you couldn't handle a few stitches because you pissed off the wrong kid's eagle you had to just man up and learn your lesson! Ooo, I never miss a chance to tell this story! I had a rather unusual first eagle ceremony. The traditional giant American flag that you wave around to summon your eagle had been severely damaged the week prior (a ceremony that had not gone according to plan, but the child only suffered minor talon wounds. The flag took the brunt of the attack). Anyway, I couldn't use the normal flag so we had to search ALL OVER for one suitable for eagle summoning. Unfortunately the stripes weren't the correct shade of patriotic red so everyone was worried an eagle wouldn't show up at all. I had to stand in the middle of that wheat field, the wind creating amber waves out of it, shaking that flag in the air for over three hours. Everyone was just about to give up when suddenly Patriot appeared out of nowhere! He came to me so quickly it was like he was apologizing for being late. And we've been together ever since. Some people think it's excessive to have two eagles. But what can I say, I'm a two eagles kind of guy. Well, I can say, "You must be a terrorist to call me out over my excesses," but I digress. We don't have many open fields around here, so I got Liberty by waving my flag atop a decommissioned WWll aircraft carrier. I was kicking a couple of boxes of tea into the harbor for good measure, and there she was. I loved her so much I repeated the process a year later and got young Colbert here. It's hard work, raising two eagles, but I have two shoulders, after all. Besides, I know that the secret to happy and healthy eagles is plenty of Bud Light. Oh man, the eagle ceremony. I was a weird fucking kid, okay, so l was totally sure that the eagle ceremony wasn't just going to net me my eagle and deepen the mystical bond between a citizen and their country, I thought I was going to get to turn into an eagle too. So me and my mom and my dad and my little brother are all standing in the old civil war battleground, surrounded by the ghosts of our fallen soldiers, and all and the problem here- it's not usually a problem because I make sure to shave my beard off twice a day, three times on sundays- was that I am, actually, born on the fourth of July. So it wasn't just one eagle that showed up, it was pretty much every big old patriotic warbird in Missouri, all flapping around confused and pissed off, their innate senses of direction completely fucked up by the way firecracker babies warp America's natural system of ley lines. And I was six, so grabbed the flag and ran with it over my shoulders, rippling in the wind, thinking it was going to turn into wings for me and I would go be an eagle with all the other eagles. Instead I just got mobbed by a freaked-out mess of nationalistic avians who all weighed more than I did. I lost half my nose and my whole left arm and spent most of fourth grade in reconstructive surgery getting machine guns welded on to the shattered remains of my ulna. Completely missed my little brother's eagle ceremony, which I wil always regret, but it was all worth it to have met Columbia. I never did turn into an eagle on the outside, but I like to think those long hours in the hospital, feeding her rubbing alcohol and my own blood, have made me an eagle in my heart. you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com srsfunny: Do All Americans Really Have Pet Eagles?
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England, Fake, and Gif: So when Rowling tweeted this back at him, most people assumed she was messing around Luke @lukekocura.4 Sep 2015 Said the millionaire on her gold iphone in her mansion J.K. Rowling@jk rowling If you can't imagine yourself in one of those boats, you have something missing. They are dying for a life worth living. #refugeeswelcome J.К. Rowling Follow ojk rowling Replying to @lukekocura @Lukekocura I'll have my mansion AND your shack in about 2 years. Ready to get owned? 6:42 PM-4 Sep 2015 40,534 Retweets 59,056 Likes 0.9匍80e0悉@ Before responding, Rowling had researched the man behind the troll, Luke Kocura, and found out he was struggling to make mortgage payments on his modest home in Sheffield, England. Unless he turned things around within two years, he was at risk of foreclosure Rowling then closely monitored his situation, which, sure enough, only got worse. So two years later, she pounced, assuming Kocura's mortgage, repossessing the house from the bank, and now she owns it. To celebrate the long-game owning, she tweeted this at him: J.K. Rowling @jk_rowling Follow @Lukekocura I was unduly harsh before. The place isn't a shack. It's more of a hut. Maybe I'll let vou come back to visit sometime!:) <p><a href="http://celticpyro.tumblr.com/post/175735905124/dasha-loses-it-northern-rebel" class="tumblr_blog">celticpyro</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="http://dasha-loses-it.tumblr.com/post/175733878663/northern-rebel-dasha-loses-it" class="tumblr_blog">dasha-loses-it</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><a href="https://northern-rebel.tumblr.com/post/175733387761/dasha-loses-it" class="tumblr_blog">northern-rebel</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://dasha-loses-it.tumblr.com/post/175733318578/friendly-neighborhood-patriarch" class="tumblr_blog">dasha-loses-it</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://friendly-neighborhood-patriarch.tumblr.com/post/175715549937/girlfriendluvr-thedevitoanditsown" class="tumblr_blog">friendly-neighborhood-patriarch</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://girlfriendluvr.tumblr.com/post/175713214958/thedevitoanditsown-pinetreeanarchism" class="tumblr_blog">girlfriendluvr</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://thedevitoanditsown.tumblr.com/post/175710984601/pinetreeanarchism-westernsocietyfucked100years" class="tumblr_blog">thedevitoanditsown</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://pinetreeanarchism.tumblr.com/post/164712342717/westernsocietyfucked100years-hell-planet-the" class="tumblr_blog">pinetreeanarchism</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://www.westernsocietyfucked100years.com/post/164697571308/hell-planet" class="tumblr_blog">westernsocietyfucked100years</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>hell planet</p></blockquote> <p>The rich will track you down and steal your home from you if you disagree with them on the internet.</p> <p class="npf_quirky" data-npf='{"subtype":"quirky"}'>Earth is fucked.</p> </blockquote> <p>Why do people like this woman again?</p> </blockquote> <p>holy shit jkr is ridiculously evil</p> </blockquote> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="204" data-orig-width="400"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/0bea1abd2b2f16419b281392150d1ed0/tumblr_inline_pbm1g2iw1I1t75kj8_540.gif" data-orig-height="204" data-orig-width="400"/></figure><p>this can’t be real</p> </blockquote> <p>Please let this be a troll</p> </blockquote> <p>THIS IS FAKE. Here’s the real response</p> <p><a href="https://twitter.com/jk_rowling/status/639886235503337472?lang=en">https://twitter.com/jk_rowling/status/639886235503337472?lang=en</a><br/></p> <p>Don’t spread this bs without checking, people.</p> </blockquote> <p>Good to know, sounded too far-fetched to be true</p> </blockquote> <p>Thank God it’s fake. <br/></p></blockquote> <p>I mean I don’t like Rowling but this seemed like a stretch.</p>
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Bless Up, Dude, and Gym: These doggos are true bros until the end of time @DrSmashlove Reddit u/beesbuzzlots Every time I’m at the gym bruv it’s at least one “golf bro” there. U know this dude because he be doing oddly specific asf workouts 🤔. Oddly specific stretches. Arm swings that vaguely resemble a golf swing. But the key giveaway that Chadwick is a certified golf bro is he rocking that Titleist brand cap. U feel me? Like that’s him saying: “u peasants are here to look big in a t-shirt. I lift so I can add 10 yards to my drive ☺️.” (Side note I’ve been golfing for two years now bc I have to (for work) and the reason I do it rarely is bc u have to put in hours every wknd to yield modest improvements in ya game and I got better things to do on wknds like look at memes and take depression naps 🤗😂). Now then. Seeing all these Titleist caps got me thinking: Why isn’t this a word? Like this should be a thing. “Susan if I do say so myself you are looking delightfully Titlè today. Oh of course! No I mean it! Just fulsome and perky. Are you on your red river by chance(?) Yes? How did I guess? LOL you’re silly Susan. Just a wild premonition ☺️. Have an awesome day ❤️.” U feel me? “Erica! My goodness! U are looking Titlèier than I’ve ever seen before. That bathing suit can barely hold you lol! No, thank YOU! Your Titlèiness has made this trip to the pool absolutely worth my while!” U feel me? Like how could someone feel offended by being called Titlè? It’s such a delicate, gracious word! “Samantha I’m gonna be frank. You know I have zero filter LOL so here goes - bombs away ☺️. I’ve dated some wonderfully Titlè women before. Really. Just shapely and awesome. But you’re the Titlèist. Yes. YES. Don’t debate me on this SAMANTHA 😂. No YOU stop! Oh now you’re blushing ... LIKE NOBODY’S EVER CALLED YOU TITLÈ BEFORE I MEAN YOU’RE WEARING A SHEER TOP IT’S NOT LIKE YOU’RE TRYING TO HIDE YOUR TITLÈIOSITY 😂.” Titlèism = the study of mammaries. Titlèness = an abundance of mammarical wondrousness. U feel me? It’s 2018. Let’s make this a word. BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂 (pic: @gamzeilefelix)

Every time I’m at the gym bruv it’s at least one “golf bro” there. U know this dude because he be doing oddly specific asf workouts 🤔. Oddly...

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Dating, England, and Life: Skeletons dating to 14th century found holding hands in England The eternal lovers were reportedly uncovered beneath the lost chapel of St. Moreir in Leicestershire during an excavation by the University of Leicester Archaeological Services last week Thay're believed to be at least 700 years old Two skeletona were discovered holding hands by archaeologists wit, th-University of Leicester last <p><a href="https://lornagonigall.tumblr.com/post/168781660365/surprisebitch-harryandlouisau" class="tumblr_blog">lornagonigall</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://supremecarlos.net/post/163499887752/harryandlouisau-ultraviolence-paradise-but" class="tumblr_blog">surprisebitch</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://harryandlouisau.tumblr.com/post/109727295241/ultraviolence-paradise-but-what-if-one-day-louis" class="tumblr_blog">harryandlouisau</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://ultraviolence-paradise.tumblr.com/post/109666624553/but-what-if-one-day-louis-and-harry-get-tired-of" class="tumblr_blog">ultraviolence-paradise</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>BUT WHAT IF ONE DAY LOUIS AND HARRY GET TIRED OF THE MODEST BULLSHIT SO THEY DECIDE TO TAKE THEIR LIFE AND BURY THEMSELVES HOLDING HANDS AND BEFORE THEIR LAST BIT OF AIR RUNS OUT LOUIS WHISPERS ” I HAVE LOVED YOU SINCE WE WERE 18” AND HARRYS LIKE “YOUVE BEEN MY QUEEN SINCE I WAS 16” AND THEN THEY SMILE AND LOOK UP TO NOTHING BUT DIRT AND CLOSE THEIR EYES AS LIFE FADES AWAY, BUT WHEN LOUIS DIES FIRST HARRY USES ALL THE AIR LEFT IN HIS LUNGS TO SAY “WERE FINALLY FREE LOU” BEFORE HE DIES, SMILING BECAUSE HE REALISED THAT THIS IS IT. THEYRE FINALLY FREE, TOGETHER FOREVER AND IM SORRY I HAD TO RIGHT THIS WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF HERE COME THE FRICKING WATERWORKS </p></blockquote> <figure class="" data-orig-height="480" data-orig-width="480" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/1b3765b3e4c9519bfdd67e73a668a592/tumblr_inline_nj2lbzMtGT1s6ynqv.jpg"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/1b3765b3e4c9519bfdd67e73a668a592/tumblr_inline_p1cp8h2Sz81rw09tq_540.jpg" alt="image" data-orig-height="480" data-orig-width="480" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/1b3765b3e4c9519bfdd67e73a668a592/tumblr_inline_nj2lbzMtGT1s6ynqv.jpg"/></figure></blockquote> <p>cursed post</p> </blockquote> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="400" data-orig-width="400" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/bf6e4c9671f9272dc0be094ebb53e82f/tumblr_inline_p1b1uoqMv11taqeq8_500.jpg"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/2ca03761f3eb8e4f6e57e085dafa5b02/tumblr_inline_p1cp8icSUm1rw09tq_540.jpg" data-orig-height="400" data-orig-width="400" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/bf6e4c9671f9272dc0be094ebb53e82f/tumblr_inline_p1b1uoqMv11taqeq8_500.jpg"/></figure></blockquote> <p>OK I’m going to be honest I only just now realized that this was about One Direction members and not members of British royalty and I don’t know if that makes it better or worse.</p>
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Af, Anaconda, and Asian: u/Meems138 3d i.redd.it Gabby knows where all the heating vents are @DrSmashlove So one of my followers DMed me from China talmbout “smash you talked about big girls and you talked about thicky thicc girls ... what about small girls?” Well baby girl I’m glad u asked. Now see a lot of American men got a lil diminutive, subservient Asian girl geisha type fetish. Bruv 😤...STOP IT WITH THAT SH!T YALL GROSS 😂. And what I love most is they wife a Asian girl and she gon turn his COT DAMN life upside down because lo and behold! Asian girls are aggressive AF 🤗😂. Underneath that modest frame and chill demeanor is a fire breathing dragon - it’s all fun and games till u wife her up and find out that just like the skinny Somalian dude in the tom hanks movie...she da captain now lmao. They don’t call them “Tiger Moms” for nothing! Naw I ain’t about no damn racist fetishes. I love u lil Asian girls because the fact is, y’all make the best dinner companions bc y’all dainty! Y’all barely eat! Y’all just nibble! It’s so adorable! LMFAO JK YALL EAT LIKE LIONS WHO ARE BEING STARVED BEFORE FIGHTING A WARRIOR IN A ROMAN COLISEUM AND YALL AINT SEEN FOOD FOR TWO DAYS BEFORE THE MATCH THAT’S HOW YALL EAT 😂. If u ain’t seen this sh!t bruv, it’s a thing of wonderment. I honestly am astonished every time. U lil Asian girls bruv I don’t een know where the food go...Is your chest cavity comprised entirely of stomach? 😂 Four tacos, half a burrito, and u scraping the bottom of the guacamole bowl? I SEENT IT 😂. Dated this one girl bruv half Asian half white 5’7” UNDER 100 LBS we went to Kuma’s which serve burgers the size of volleyballs she bodied it, bodied the waffle fries and we got fro yo after. Nah. Hell nah. To keep up with a Asian girl bruv u need a second mortgage. Fvck around and redo ya whole dating budget. Food (per month): $10,000 (for the lion dragon Monster). 😂 FR tho I love u lil Asian girls. Fvck around and leave me dead broke off of four dates but it’s worth it, my body is ready. SMASH LOVES ALL BODY TYPES THICC AND THIN BIG AND SMALL I’M WARNING YALL THO THE LIL ONES AIN NOTHING TO EFF WITH FINANCIALLY BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂
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Ass, Candy, and Cars: Slate.com 5 hrs . Slate Dear Prudie: Do I have to give them candy? aT T-T Help! Kids From Poorer Neighborhoods Keep Trick- or-Treating in Mine. Slate.com Dear Prudence, I live in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in the country, but on one of the more "modest" streets-mostly doctors and lawyers and family business owners. (A few blocks away are billionaires, families with famous last names, media moguls, etc.) I have noticed that on Halloween, what seems like 75 percent of the trick-or-treaters are clearly not from this neighborhood. Kids arrive in overflowing cars from less fortunate areas. I feel this is inappropriate. Halloween isn't a social service or a charity in which l have to buy candy for less fortunate children Obviously this makes me feel like a terrible person, because what's the big deal about making less fortunate kids happy on a holiday? But it just bugs me, because we already pay more than enough taxes toward actual social services. Should Halloween be a neighborhood activity, or is it legitimately a free-for-all in which people hunt down the best candy grounds for their kids? 91.6K 705 Slate Slate.com's Post See More crissle: defending-lesbians: teaboot: ryulongd: rune-midgarts: goodtimegang: brakehagev2: guys this is actually real like a real person wrote this “more than enough” oh you fucking saints, absolutely pouring wealth onto the unfortunates lol this is amazing Dear Prudie, I think I just witnessed a murder You fucking monster Prudie ain’t playin It’s not really about the candy. She doesn’t want to see their poor colored asses in her rich ass neighborhood.
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