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Baby, It's Cold Outside, Christmas, and Definitely: Andrew Rannells @AndrewRannells I don't think any more people need to record Baby It's Cold Outside. I think we're good there teachingwithcoffee It's time to bring an end to the Rape Anthem Masquerading As Christmas Carol bigbutterandeggman Hi there! Former English nerd/teacher here Also a big fan of jazz of the 30s and 40s So. Here's the thing. Given a cursory glance and applying today's worldview to the song, yes, you're right, it absolutely *sounds* like a rape anthem. BUT! Let's look closer! "Hey what's in this drink" was a stock joke at the time, and the punchline was invariably that there's actually pretty much nothing in the drink, not even a significant amount of alcohol See, this woman is staying late, unchaperoned, at a dudes house. In the 1940's, that's the kind of thing Good Girls aren't supposed to do-and she wants people to think she's a good girl. The woman in the song says outright, multiple times, that what other people will think of her staying is what shes really concerned about "the neighbors might think" "my maiden aunt's mind is vicious," "there's bound to be talk tomorrow." But she's having a really good time, and she wants to stay, and so she is excusing her uncharacteristically bold behavior (either to the guy or to herself) by blaming it on the drink -unaware that the drink is actually really weak, maybe not even alcoholic at all. That's the joke That is the standard joke that's going on when a woman in media from the early-to-mid 20th century says "hey, what's in this drink?" It is not a joke about how she's drunk and about to be raped. It's a joke about how she's perfectly sober and about to have awesome consensual sex and use the drink for plausible deniability because she's living in a society where women aren't supposed to have sexual agency Basically, the song only makes sense in the context of a society in which women are expected to reject mens advances whether they actually want to or not, and therefore it's normal and expected for a lady's gentleman companion to pressure her despite her protests, because he knows she would have to say that whether or not she meant it, and if she really wants to stay she won't be able to justify doing so unless he offers her an excuse other than "I'm staying because I want to." (That's the main theme of the man's lines in the song, suggesting excuses she can use when people ask later why she spent the night at his house: it was so cold out, there were no cabs available, he simply insisted because he was concerned about my safety in such awful weather, it was perfectly innocent and definitely not about sex at all!) In this particular case, he's pretty clearly right, because the woman has a voice, and she's using it to give all the culturally-understood signals that she actually does want to stay but can't say so She states explicitly that she's resisting because shes supposed to, not because she wants to: "I ought to say no no no..." She states explicitly that she's just putting up a token resistance so she'll be able to claim later that she did whats expected of a decent woman in this situation: "at least I'm gonna say that I tried." And at the end of the song they're singing together, in harmony, because they're both on the same page and they have been all along So it's not actually a song about rape in fact it's a song about a woman finding a way to exercise sexual agency in a patriarchal society designed to stop her from doing so. But it's also, at the same time, one of the best illustrations of rape culture that pop culture has ever produced. It's a song about a society where women aren't allowed to say yes..which happens to mean it's also a society where women don't have a clear and unambiguous way to say no Source: matchingvnecks #baby it's cold outside #not about rape #so tired of having to explain this on 238,267 notes Dec 3rd, 2016 Its that time of year again
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Apparently, Bad, and Books: Sierra Marie @cochinita69 My family has gifted me 3 tazers, 4 pepper sprays, 2 pocket knives, and 1 bat over the years to protect me from men that want to hurt me. But I've never heard of a man being gifted books, classes, information on how to dismantle rape culture within themselves chaoscorvid: morrivar: grimm-jimm: fourlughero: mdstroup2142: klubbhead: dangerbooze: chathurlant: cisnowflake: gender-has-failed-us: cisnowflake: celticpyro: silenceofthememes: if y'all wanna walk up to a rapist and hand him a social etiquette book be my guest but idk what y'all expect Really sick of this narrative that men are only rapists because they don’t know any better. No, RAPISTS know what consent is and they don’t care. Exactly. The overwhelming majority of men would never rape anyone. The tiny minority that would know full damn well it’s wrong, they just give a fuck because they’re scum. We don’t live in a rape culture. Some people just don’t care about what is and isn’t culturally acceptable. 31.7% of college men would rape a woman if there were no legal consequences.  31.7% is not a small minority. when some 1/3 of young men state that they would rape a woman if they knew they could get away with it, how is that not a rape culture? “The study was conducted by academics at the University of North Dakota and the North Dakota State University. Its sample size was 86 people.” Stop. 86 people isn’t even a majority of people at my high school. Fuck off. @gender-has-failed-us They’re really trying huh Also apparently a quarter of a person said yes… still trotting out stock “teach men not to rape” discourse in [current year] “86 people isn’t even a majority of people at my high school. Fuck off.” 86 people wasn’t even a majority of people in my year in high school. In 2004. We just gonna gloss over that quarter of a person bit? Yeah the math on that was definitely off, but I was more distracted by the fact the independent had the audacity to publish such a bullshit article based on the biggest joke of a “research survey” I’ve seen in a while. “We got about 25 people in fucking North Dakota to say that they might do a bad thing in a hypothetical universe where no cause and effect existed and this means that a third of male college students would rape a woman” holy shit.
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Apparently, Books, and College: Sierra Marie @cochinita69 My family has gifted me 3 tazers, 4 pepper sprays, 2 pocket knives, and 1 bat over the years to protect me from men that want to hurt me. But I've never heard of a man being gifted books, classes, information on how to dismantle rape culture within themselves grimm-jimm: fourlughero: mdstroup2142: klubbhead: dangerbooze: chathurlant: cisnowflake: gender-has-failed-us: cisnowflake: celticpyro: silenceofthememes: if y'all wanna walk up to a rapist and hand him a social etiquette book be my guest but idk what y'all expect Really sick of this narrative that men are only rapists because they don’t know any better. No, RAPISTS know what consent is and they don’t care. Exactly. The overwhelming majority of men would never rape anyone. The tiny minority that would know full damn well it’s wrong, they just give a fuck because they’re scum. We don’t live in a rape culture. Some people just don’t care about what is and isn’t culturally acceptable. 31.7% of college men would rape a woman if there were no legal consequences.  31.7% is not a small minority. when some 1/3 of young men state that they would rape a woman if they knew they could get away with it, how is that not a rape culture? “The study was conducted by academics at the University of North Dakota and the North Dakota State University. Its sample size was 86 people.” Stop. 86 people isn’t even a majority of people at my high school. Fuck off. @gender-has-failed-us They’re really trying huh Also apparently a quarter of a person said yes… still trotting out stock “teach men not to rape” discourse in [current year]
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Baby, It's Cold Outside, Christmas, and Definitely: I don't think any more people need to record Baby It's Cold Outside. I think we're good there teachingwithcoffee It's time to bring an end to the Rape Anthem Masquerading As Christmas Caral bigbutterandeggman Hi there! Former English nerd/teacher here. Also a big fan of jazz of the 30s and 40s So. Here's the thing. Given a cursory glance and applying today's worldview to the song. yes, you're right, it absolutely 'sounds' like a rape anthem. BUTI Let's look closerl "Hey what's in this drink" was a stock joke at the time, and the punchline was invariably that there's actually pretty much nothing in the drink, not even a significant amount of alcohol. See, this woman is staying late, unchaperoned at a dude's house. In the 1940's, that's the kind of thing Good Girls aren't supposed to do - and she wants people to think she's a good girl. The woman in the song says outright, multiple times, that what other people will think of her staying is what she's really concerned about: the neighbors might think," "my maiden aunt's mind is vicious," "there's bound to be talk tomorrow." But she's having a really good time and she wants to stay, and so she is excusing her uncharacteristically bold behavior (either to the guy or to herself) by blaming it on the drink - unaware that the drink is actually really weak maybe not even alcoholic at all. That's the joke. That is the standard joke that's going on when a woman in media from the early-to-mid 20th century says "hey, what's in this drink?" It is not a joke about how she's drunk and about to be raped. It's a joke about how she's perfectly sober and about to have awesome consensual sex and use the drink for plausible deniability because she's living in a society where women aren't supposed to have sexual agency Basically, the song only makes sense in the ext of a society in which women are expected to reject men's advances whether they actually want to or not, and therefore it's normal and expected for a lady's gentleman companion to pressure her despite her protests because he knows she would have to say that whether or not she meant it, and if she really wants to stay she won't be able to justify doing so unless he offers her an excuse other than "I'm staying because I want to." (That's the main theme of the man's lines in the song suggesting excuses she can use when people ask later why she spent the night at his house: it was so cold out, there were no cabs available, he simply insisted because he was concerned about my safety in such awful weather, it was perfectly innocent and definitely not about sex at all!) In this particular case, he's pretty clearly right, because the woman has a voice, and she's using it to give all the culturally- understood signals that she actually does want to stay but can't say so. She states explicitly that she's resisting because she's supposed to, not because she wants to: "l ought to say no no no..." She states explicitly that she's just putting up a token resistance so she'll be able to claim later that she did what's expected of a decent woman in this situation: "at least I'm oonna sav that I tried. And at the end of the that she's resisting because she's supposed to not because she wants to: "l ought to say no no no..." She states explicitly that she's just putting up a token resistance so she' ll be able to claim later that she did what's expected of a decent woman in this situation: "at least I'm gonna say thatI tried." And at the end of the song they're singing together, in harmony because they're both on the same page and they have been all along. So it's not actually a song about rape in fact it's a song about a woman finding a way to exercise sexual agency in a patriarchal society designed to stop her from doing so. But it's also, at the same time, one of the best llustrations of rape culture that pop culture has ever produced. It's a song about a society where women aren't allowed to say yes...which happens to mean it's also a society where women don't have a clear and unambiguous way to say no. Source:matchinovnecks #baby it's cold outside #not about rape #30 tired of having to explain this one 196,155 notes "C But Baby It’s Cold
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Bodies , Books, and Children: John @The WQ Follow Plenty of gay guys in HS get bullied, play video games, & get rejected for dates. And yet we don't hear about them going on killing sprees after getting turned down by a boy they like. This is about misogyny & a society that tells men they are entitled to women's bodies. 5:53 PM-19 May 2018 1,506 Retweets 5,499 Likes ②GA@ candidlyautistic: johnny-vayne: profeminist: profeminist: “Plenty of gay guys in HS get bullied, play video games, get rejected for dates. And yet we don’t hear about them going on killing sprees after getting turned down by a boy they like. This is about misogyny a society that tells men they are entitled to women’s bodies.”  - @TheJWQ “We’ve begun to raise daughters more like sons… but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters.” - Gloria Steinem  If She’s Not Having Fun You Have To Stop More posts on Teaching Consent Start teaching consent when they’re little. There’s even children’s books that teach about bodily autonomy. My daughter has a book called No means No, and it’s a useful way to reinforce what I’m already teaching both my daughter and my son. That their bodies belomg to them. That someone else’s body isn’t theirs to do woth as they please. We ask before we tickle. We ask before we hug or kiss. And if someone says stop, we work on recognizing that and stopping. I was just answering an ask about how to teach a four year old boundaries. This isn’t hard.

candidlyautistic: johnny-vayne: profeminist: profeminist: “Plenty of gay guys in HS get bullied, play video games, get rejected for ...

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Being Alone, Children, and Facts: For anyone who thinks rape culture doesn't exist: I am woman alone in a theater on Saturday night, and l can't sit wherever I want. I have to sit where I can see the entrance so l can witness everyone who comes in and out so I won't get taken by surprise. I also can't park wherever I want, because the longer I walk alone in a dark parking lot, the longer an attacker has to grab me Just be aware, friends. b Like Comment <p><a href="https://le--marquis--de--beauvoir.tumblr.com/post/169944014461/libertarirynn-thats-not-rape-culture-those" class="tumblr_blog">le&ndash;marquis&ndash;de&ndash;beauvoir</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="https://libertarirynn.tumblr.com/post/169942928374/thats-not-rape-culture-those-are-just-basic" class="tumblr_blog">libertarirynn</a>:</p><blockquote> <p>That’s… Not rape culture? Those are just basic safety precautions?</p> <p>We live in a culture where 80% of the public is ready to nail a man to the cross if a single person accuses him of sexual misconduct, facts be damned. That is not a rape culture.</p> </blockquote> <p>This reminds me why i stopped going to these group therapy sessions. One evening after everyone there had given heart wrenching testimony to their childhood abuse or sexual assault this one girl hijacked the session for 45 minutes talking about how she lives with “stare rape trauma” because people stare at her in public and how we needed to validate her trauma. This was the same girl who implied males cannot suffer sexual abuse because males hold on the sexual power in our society even if its childhood abuse. I had to leave before i validated her head with a chair. </p></blockquote> <p>I’m sure the people molested as children just loved hearing about her “stare rape” problems.</p>

le–marquis–de–beauvoir: libertarirynn: That’s… Not rape culture? Those are just basic safety precautions? We live in a culture where 80% o...

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Baby, It's Cold Outside, Christmas, and Definitely: Andrew Rannells @AndrewRannells I don't think any more people need to record Baby It's Cold Outside. I think we're good there girlwholovesturtles: bigbutterandeggman: teachingwithcoffee: It’s time to bring an end to the Rape Anthem Masquerading As Christmas Carol Hi there! Former English nerd/teacher here. Also a big fan of jazz of the 30s and 40s.  So. Here’s the thing. Given a cursory glance and applying today’s worldview to the song, yes, you’re right, it absolutely *sounds* like a rape anthem.  BUT! Let’s look closer!  “Hey what’s in this drink” was a stock joke at the time, and the punchline was invariably that there’s actually pretty much nothing in the drink, not even a significant amount of alcohol. See, this woman is staying late, unchaperoned, at a dude’s house. In the 1940’s, that’s the kind of thing Good Girls aren’t supposed to do — and she wants people to think she’s a good girl. The woman in the song says outright, multiple times, that what other people will think of her staying is what she’s really concerned about: “the neighbors might think,” “my maiden aunt’s mind is vicious,” “there’s bound to be talk tomorrow.” But she’s having a really good time, and she wants to stay, and so she is excusing her uncharacteristically bold behavior (either to the guy or to herself) by blaming it on the drink — unaware that the drink is actually really weak, maybe not even alcoholic at all. That’s the joke. That is the standard joke that’s going on when a woman in media from the early-to-mid 20th century says “hey, what’s in this drink?” It is not a joke about how she’s drunk and about to be raped. It’s a joke about how she’s perfectly sober and about to have awesome consensual sex and use the drink for plausible deniability because she’s living in a society where women aren’t supposed to have sexual agency. Basically, the song only makes sense in the context of a society in which women are expected to reject men’s advances whether they actually want to or not, and therefore it’s normal and expected for a lady’s gentleman companion to pressure her despite her protests, because he knows she would have to say that whether or not she meant it, and if she really wants to stay she won’t be able to justify doing so unless he offers her an excuse other than “I’m staying because I want to.” (That’s the main theme of the man’s lines in the song, suggesting excuses she can use when people ask later why she spent the night at his house: it was so cold out, there were no cabs available, he simply insisted because he was concerned about my safety in such awful weather, it was perfectly innocent and definitely not about sex at all!) In this particular case, he’s pretty clearly right, because the woman has a voice, and she’s using it to give all the culturally-understood signals that she actually does want to stay but can’t say so. She states explicitly that she’s resisting because she’s supposed to, not because she wants to: “I ought to say no no no…” She states explicitly that she’s just putting up a token resistance so she’ll be able to claim later that she did what’s expected of a decent woman in this situation: “at least I’m gonna say that I tried.” And at the end of the song they’re singing together, in harmony, because they’re both on the same page and they have been all along. So it’s not actually a song about rape - in fact it’s a song about a woman finding a way to exercise sexual agency in a patriarchal society designed to stop her from doing so. But it’s also, at the same time, one of the best illustrations of rape culture that pop culture has ever produced. It’s a song about a society where women aren’t allowed to say yes…which happens to mean it’s also a society where women don’t have a clear and unambiguous way to say no. I will never get tired of people actually paying attention to the actual meaning of this song.
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Bad, Bill Cosby, and Donald Trump: Wagatwe Sara Wanjuki 3 hrs I won't say "Me, too." Partially because most of you know that' already. But mostly because we shouldn't have to "out" ourselves as survivors Because men have *always* seen the gendered violence happening around them (and/or being perpetrated by them)-they just haven't done anything about it. Because it shouldn't matter how many women, femmes, and gender neutral & non- conforming folk speak their truths. Post by @wagatwe. This is not to say that MeToo is a bad thing at all; just that, once again, the burden falls on the oppressed group (people who have been assaulted-harassed) to appeal to the moral sense of their oppressors. Also, to clarify, the emphasis on men in this post is not meant to imply that men cannot be raped or assaulted. Here’s a longer quote I really liked about all this: “Before Weinstein’s alleged sexual misconduct, it was Donald Trump’s. Before Trump, there was Bill Cosby and his half-century of woman accusers. Woody Allen, though determinedly sticking around in Hollywood, has been publicly accused by his own daughter of sexual abuse on a number of occasions. There are just no excuses anymore. We all know that sexual misconduct is a widespread epidemic in our world. So, why are we still asking women and other survivors to rip open their traumas to prove to us there is a problem we already know exists? And when will the problem finally be laid at the feet of those responsible to solve, instead of burdening survivors who have already endured so much?” It is not our responsibility to rip open our wounds and expose our trauma in a solidarity ritual just so you can finally acknowledge there is a problem with men’s violence toward women. We have been screaming into a void for centuries; I’m fairly certain one more round of begging isn’t going to convince you the problem exists if you haven’t already accepted it. For those people who have already used the MeToo hashtag to create some solidarity around their expeirences, or to heal some of their unacknowledged trauma: it is absolutely your right to do that. But just once I would like to see us NOT asking for women, or other oppressed people, to solve a problem that disproportionately affects us. We have already been through enough — we cannot solve your sickness of sexual violence too.” - Matilda Dixon-Smith @matildadixonsmith, “Will We Ever Stop Asking Women And Survivors To Fix Rape Culture?”

Post by @wagatwe. This is not to say that MeToo is a bad thing at all; just that, once again, the burden falls on the oppressed group (peopl...

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Bad, Bitch, and Friends: Lara Witt @Femmefeministe We shouldn't have to out ourselves as survivors in order for people to grasp the magnitude of how systemic assault & harassment are. #MeToo 10/15/17, 7:07 PM This is not to say that MeToo is a bad thing at all; just that, once again, the burden falls on the oppressed group (people who have been assaulted-harassed) to appeal to the moral sense of their oppressors. @femmefeministe explains, "Each time I pour my soul into a piece about assault, I draw out words and put them together with the hope that someone will feel connected or some sense of solidarity. I write for victims, but I also write for those who don’t know what it’s like, I have written with the hope that those of you who have never felt themselves shredded and stripped of their autonomy will hear us and fight alongside us because we need more people to stand up against rape culture. We march, we carry signs, we hold hands, we cry, we scream — but who’s listening? Sometimes it feels as if no matter how many times we write our stories, no matter how many statistics we show you, you don’t really care. For a moment you ingest our pain; you read details and see flashes of images pushed into the sentences we stitch together. Perhaps you almost feel a sense of revulsion, or even guilt. You think we were raped by monsters, but the people in our nightmares are people like your fathers, your brothers, your friends... How many stories will we have to write for you to care? Or have you read too many of our horrors? Are you desensitized now? Your friend made a rape joke, but hey, he’s a good guy. Right? I won’t tell you about the person who destroyed me. I won’t tell you about the scars. I won’t tell you about the night terrors or the depression or the anxiety or loneliness — because, to you, I’m just another bitch who was probably asking for it. I’m a statistic you will forget, these words of mine, you will forget but I will go back to bed and not have the luxury of forgetting. I am tired of proving to you just how difficult it is to recover. I cannot do that labor anymore. The numbers are out there for you to research: the essays, the songs, the art and the speeches are there for you to absorb and carry within your heart so that perhaps one day you can find the time to actually help us dismantle rape culture.”
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