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Being Alone, Batman, and Books: LIBRARIAN HUMOR ISEE WHAT YOU DID THERE 0 dracophile: randomthingieshere: pheenixwright: invenblocker: pheenixwright: invenblocker: pheenixwright: invenblocker: forthefuns: follow forthefuns for more funny stuff Your honor! Please direct your attention towards the manga.As you can see there are small pieces of paper sticking out of every volume.But no such paper is sticking out of the Batman comic.The reason? The Batman book doesn’t belong to the library. The photographer put it there to take a picture. Once again making hasty assumptions, Wright?First of all, I’d like to direct the court’s attention to this particular spot, in the top right-hand corner.Notice how the words are blocking the top of the Batman book.With this in mind, how can you claim that there is “no such paper sticking out of the Batman comic”?! Say whaaaat?Well uhmLook at the size of the paper pieces, they’re all sticking pretty far out.If there was paper in the batman comic, it would be big enough to stick up over the text.And while gravity does exist, it probably won’t make the paper do a 90 degree turn and just lean horisontally left at the middle.Still grasping for straws, Wright?Hypothetically, if there were a paper there, this picture would not be able to prove its presence. I’ve taken the liberty of drawing a diagram to illustrate my point. We are faced with three possibilities. It is possible that (1) the paper was simply tucked in deeper than the others.Paper is a soft material, Wright. It’s not unreasonable for it to do a (2) 90 degree turn. Or perhaps, (3) a paper does not exist there at all. Either way, you cannot prove your client innocent without sufficient evidence.   Which, of course, is impossible thanks to the obtrusive words. I’m sorry Edgeworth.I concede that I can’t disprove theory 1But the image you submited for theory 2 is contradictory.Look at the tilt of the other papers. They clearly prove how much the paper would tilt.And theory 3 is my point! Why would the library’s book not have this piece of paper when the other library books do?While you still have thory 1, there is another contradiction.The books are not in alphabetical order, this proves that the batman comic was placed there specifically for the picture! Ack.(Perhaps I should’ve left the artistry to the forensic artist…)Now hold it right there! It doesn’t matter which direction the paper is going because it’s impossible to prove it even exists!Those theories are all the same! We do not have enough information to prove them. There could be an infinite amount of papers in there for all we know. I simply presented them only so that the court could better understand your baseless conjecture!… I suppose the order of the books do seem out of the ordinary. However, therein lies not just one possibility. Clearly, those are Japanese graphic novels, also known as “manga”. And the Batman comic book is a graphic novel, too, no?Seeing as it currently has only graphic novels in the shelf, it is possible that any other novels have simply not yet been restocked. Asserting whether or not this effect was deliberate is useless– there is no way of knowing if the photographer and the captioner are the same person, let alone their involvement in this picture.Face it Wright, you can’t prove any of these groundless accusations! Did everyone just ignore the library sticker?

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Alive, Ass, and Beautiful: E a : Garrett Watts @Garrett_Watts Something sad happened today that inspired a thought that l'd love to share with anyone who cares to read this. I mean no shade to any one person with my words but I've seen remarkable, generous people be needlessly lowkey bullied for this & l'd like to shed some light on it. 7:561 < iCloud June 2, 2018 at 7:53 PM Something heartbreaking happened today that inspired a thought which inspired this post. I broke my favorite wand. No, that is not an analogy for anything. I broke my wand and it broke my heart. This may immediately seem like this is about to verge into the territory of being a comical post... which is a natural assumption when a grown man states that he had his heartbroken from "breaking his wand"... but I very much mean what I am about to say because this seemingly silly piece of wood breaking (because my slightly fat ass sat on it) made me realize something that I would like to publicly address. A behavior I have seen flaring up on social media recently, and that is, people passive aggressively judging others for the things that they purchase, cherish & own. Stick with me here cause I have a point... 7:56 1 .uil Cloud For years, I have collected wands of all different kinds, and for years I have been lightheartedly teased by friends and family for such an odd infatuation. Yes, it was my love of the Harry Potter novels that started this collection, but it's turned into something more. I have many wands from different carvers & countries and some of them are so damn beautiful that I legitimately cannot believe I get the honor of owning themm Some of them taking their makers weeks, maybe months to create. tH To me, my wands are beautiful little manifestations of the importance of keeping ones imagination alive through the years. I even keep a few close by to remind me of this. This one was in my car because l sometimes pretend to blast cars into oblivion in LA Traffic. If you ever see me doing this while blasting Missy Elliot through my speakers, I apologize in advance. If you've stuck with me this long, firstly, god bless you. Secondly, I'm about to get to where I'm going with all this 8:051 .ail iCloud Recently on social media I've seen a toxic little trend of people passive aggressively shading others based on the things they choose to purchase with their own money. Some of the wands (or other things I own) didn't come cheap to me, but we as people, buy things consciously & with pride bec they are important to us, and as long as they cause no harm to others, we reserve that right to use our resources as we see fit. ause So whether it be a wand, a pair of Gucci slides, a pair of jeans to boost confidence, a car, a vinyl record... hell, even a taxidermy collection! Whatever! Allow people these things, & furthermore, if you're at all confused or intrigued about said purchase, don't silently judge them for making it or project your own narrative onto it. In fact, try politely asking them about it! If they choose to share with you why they've invested in something in their lives, you might just learn something beautiful & cool about them and make a new friend! Love - Garrett garrettsiwicki:Garrett Watts talking about judging others for their collectibles via his Twitter
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Alive, Beard, and Calvin Johnson: dail alexander Follow drucila616 How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy? ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, Ijust lie there ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at al WITNESS: Yes ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how I5 WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral.. ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? And last Stitch ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have stili been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law skrill-cosby oh my god these are great fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes Source 1,411,980 notes Witness v. Attorney: Dawn of Jokes
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Candy, Elf, and Facebook: oo0 Verizon LTE 12:49 PM Search Starbucks 3 hrs . Hey Starbucks, as the unicorn frappuccino was so popular, thought I'd pitch a few suggestions for fraps based on other mythical creatures: Dragon frappuccino: Made with dragonfruit, cinnamon, and fiery hot chiles. A shameless ploy to acquire gold. Werewolf frappuccino: Seems like a normal chocolate frap (werewolves love chocolate) but the caffeine doesn't kick in until the next full moon. And boy howdy, does it kick in. Mermaid frappuccino: Extra foam and sea salt caramel drizzle. Comes with a free Danish in honor of Hans Christian Anderson. Centaur: Has an oatmeal raisin cookie crumble crust. Oats for the horse and raisins for the wine-lovina human Whinned cream is Write a comment.. Post o Verizon LTE 12:49 PM Q Searclh Fairy frappuccino: A delightful delicate flavor of honeysuckle and lavender, it has the unfortunate effect of making you fall in love with the next live creature that you see. Pixie frappuccino: MIXED WITH TGE POWDER OF WITH 15 PIXIE STICKS Elf frappuccino: Made with the most important food groups- candy, candy canes, candy corn, and syrup. Keebler cookie crumbles Hobbit frappuccino: Only served in size tall. Get one for breakfast and get a second one free! Ogre frappuccino: Looks green and putrid on the outside, but has layers of different flavors that will Smash your Mouth Zombie frappuccino: like a normal frap, but with SEVERAL extra shots of espresso Write a comment... Post ooo Verizon LTE 12:49 PM Q Searclh Wizard frappuccino: Butterbeer Witch frappuccino: You'd think it would be the same as the wizard frap, but it has eye of newt and toe of frog #everydaysexism Yeti frappuccino: Tastes like a lemon snow cone, with Himalayan pink salt Alien frappuccino: They actually do have this in the Starbucks at one government building in New Mexico, but it's on the secret menu Ghost frappuccino: Zero calories. Probably just blended ice. Poltergeist frappuccino: Hurls itself against the wall after you pay for it Vampire frappuccino: Blood. It's just blood. 2 Shares Write a comment... Э| Post ooo VerizonLTE 12:49 PM Search egan Anne Fraedric Or most of these monstrosities 1 HOUR AGO LIKE REPLY 2 Write a reply.. Starbucks Hi, Megan. Thanks for the awesome suggestions! They raise some interesting food safety and supply chain concerns, but hey, maybe it'll just be a fun challenge for our product development teams who are used to more traditional sourcing methods. ;) 1 HOUR AGO LIKED 13 REPLY Write a comment... Post jackskellington84: sophettestuff: sanjha-a-kitani: schmergo: The official Starbucks facebook account reviewed my pitches for new Frappuccinos based on mythical creatures to follow the unicorn one I love how it starts out with the dragon one which could theoretically be done and then just devolves into “it’s just blood”. I know right jsjsjsj I love this too much

jackskellington84: sophettestuff: sanjha-a-kitani: schmergo: The official Starbucks facebook account reviewed my pitches for new Frappucci...

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