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Advice, Alive, and Ass: English Pronunciation If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90 % of the native English speakers in the world. After trying the verses, a Frenchman said he'd prefer six months of hard labour to reading six lines aloud. Dearest creature in creation, Study English pronunciation. I will teach you in my verse Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse. I will keep you, Suzy, busy, Make your head with heat grow dizzy. Tear in eye, your dress will tear. So shall I! Oh hear my prayer. Just compare heart, beard, and heard, Dies and diet, lord and word, Sword and sward, retain and Britain. (Mind the latter, how it's written.) Now I surely will not plague you With such words as plaque and ague. But be careful how you speak: Say break and steak, but bleak and streak Cloven, oven, how and low, Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe. Hear me say, devoid of trickery, Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore, Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles, Exiles, similes, and reviles; Scholar, vicar, and cigar, Solar, mica, war and far; One, anemone, Balmoral, Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel; Gertrude, German, wind and mind, Scene, Melpomene, mankind. Billet does not rhyme with ballet, Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet. Blood and flood are not like food, Nor is mould like should and would. Viscous, viscount, load and broad, Toward, to forward, to reward. And your pronunciation's OK When you correctly say croquet, Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve, Friend and fiend, alive and live. Ivy, privy, famous; clamour And enamour rhyme with hammer. River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb, Doll and roll and some and home. Stranger does not rhyme with anger, Neither does devour with clangour. Souls but foul, haunt but aunt Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant, Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger, And then singer, ginger, linger, Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge, Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age. Query does not rhyme with very, Nor does fury sound like bury. Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth. Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath. Though the differences seem little, We say actual but victual. Refer does not rhyme with deafer. FeOffer does, and zephyr, heifer. Mint, pint, senate and sedate; Dull, bull, and George ate late. Scenic, Arabic, Pacific, Science, conscience, scientific Liberty, library, heave and heaven, Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven. We say hallowed, but allowed, People, leopard, towed, but vowed. Mark the differences, moreover, Between mover, cover, clover; Leeches,breeches, wise, precise Chalice, but police and lice; Camel, constable, unstable, Principle, disciple, label. Petal, panel, and canal, Wait, surp Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair, Senator, spectator, mayor. Tour, but our and succour, four. Gas, alas, and Arkansas. Sea, idea, Korea, area, Psalm, Maria, but malaria. Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean. Doctrine, turpentine, marine. Compare alien with Italian, Dandelion and battalion. plait, promise, pal. Sally with ally, yea, ye, Eye,I, ay, aye, whey, and key. Say aver, but ever, fever, Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver. Heron, granary, canary. Crevice and device and aerie. Face, but preface, not efface. Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bas. Large, but target, gin, give, verging, Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging. Ear, but earn and wear and tear Do not rhyme with here but ere. Seven is right, but so is even, Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen, Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk, Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work. Pronunciation (think of Psyche!) Is a paling stout and spikey? Won't it make you lose your wits, Writing groats and saying grits? It's a dark abyss or tunnel: Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale, Islington and Isle of Wight, Housewife, verdict and indict. Finally, which rhymes with enough, Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough? Hiccough has the sound of cup. My advice is to give up!!! you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com lolzandtrollz: Excellent English Pronunciation Poem
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Bad, Fucking, and God: Sexy Bible Quotes, Inspired by Some Birds my Friend saw Fucking Outside her House, ao3tagoftheday: oxymoronicromantic: ao3tagoftheday: [Image Description: Tags reading “sexy bible quotes, inspired by some birds my friend saw fucking outside her house”] The AO3 Tag of the Day is: This is one hell of a non-sequitor “On the day when the Lord spoke to Moses in the land of Egypt, 29 the Lord said to Moses, “I am the Lord; tell Pharaoh king of Egypt all that I say to you.” 30 But Moses said to the Lord, “Behold, I am of uncircumcised lips. How will Pharaoh listen to me?” 7 And the Lord said to Moses, “See, I have made you like God to Pharaoh, and your brother Aaron shall be your prophet. 2 You shall speak all that I command you, and your brother Aaron shall tell Pharaoh to let the people of Israel go out of his land.” …I don’t think it’s telling anyone that they’re doing activism wrong???? Anyways. Song of Songs is sexier. Ok! First off, thanks for putting the verses in; that makes my life easier! Second, Song of Songs is undoubtedly sexy, but the phrase “uncircumcised lips” is much sexier. Here’s why:“Uncircumcised lips” is a literal translation of the Hebrew, and scholars have spent millennia trying to figure out what the fuck it means. Because, like, it’s a weird fucking phrase, let’s be real. Actually, let’s all take a moment to imagine what that might physically look like. We deserve it.Anyway, back on topic. Most scholars have ended up interpreting it as saying that Moses has some kind of speech impediment. But that’s really a stretch. I mean, if that’s what was meant, why not say, “a man of broken speech” or something like that? No, I think the meaning of that phrase is a lot simpler.Circumcision is the sign of the Jewish covenant with G-d. In this period of the Bible, after G-d and Abraham made the covenant but before the Law was given at Mt. Sinai, circumcision was the single, defining thing that set the Jewish people apart from everyone else. So what does it mean to have uncircumcised lips? I submit that to speak with uncircumcised lips is to speak with a non-Jewish voice.But Moses is Jewish! Why would his voice not be? Because, Moses is unique among the Jewish people. He wasn’t raised as a slave. That’s what the Jewish people are in this period and have been for hundreds of years. They’re slaves. For generations, that slavery has defined and warped their culture. Moses has never been a slave and has never lived among his people who are. He may be Jewish, but his understanding of his people, and therefore his ability to speak for them, is non-existent.So G-d tells Moses to speak to Pharoah on behalf of the Jewish people and Moses says no. How will he speak for his people, advocate for them, demand their freedom, when he can’t speak with their voice? He can’t do it and he tells G-d no. No, I won’t speak for the slaves when I am free. It’s not my place.So what does G-d say? He says Moses is right. He tells Moses to give G-d’s message to Aaron, a man who has been a slave all his life, and let Aaron go to Pharoah and speak for the Jewish people. Because Aaron is of them, understands them, their pain, their oppression, in a way that Moses, a free man, can’t and never will. Aaron speaks with a truly Jewish voice, with circumcised lips, so he must be the one who speaks for the Jewish people.So basically, G-d tells Moses to speak over an oppressed group he isn’t a part of, Moses says “no that’s bad activism”, and G-d says “you’re right oppressed people should speak and direct their own fight against oppression.”In conclusion, sure, the Song of Songs is sexy, but have you ever tried telling G-d that he needs to work harder to prioritize marginalized voices?
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Clothes, Friends, and Fucking: satanpositive Roses are red, that much is true, but violets are purple, not fucking blue feels-for-the-fictional I have been waiting for this post all my life marzipanandminutiae They are indeed purple But one thing you've missed The concept of "purple Didn't always exist. Some cultures lack names For a color, you see Hence good old Homer And his "wine-dark sea. A usage so quaint, A phrasing so old, For verses of romance Is sheer fucking gold So roses are red. Violets once were called blue I'm hugely pedantic But what else is new? ineptshieldmaid My friend you're not wrong About Homer's wine-ey sea! Colours are a matter Of cultural contingency Words are in flux And meanings they drift But the word purple You've given short shrift. The concept of purple My friends, is old And refers to a pigment once precious as gold. By crushing up molluscs From the wine-dark sea You make a dye: Imperial decree Meant that in Rome to wear purpura was a privilege reserved For only the emperor! The word purple', for clothes so fancy Entered English By the ninth century Why then are voilets Not purple in song? The dye from this mollusc, known for so long Is almost magenta; More red than blue The concept of purple is old, and yet new The dye is red So this might be true Roses are purple And violets are blue squeeful While this song makes me merry, Tyrian purple dyes many a hue From magenta to berry And a true purple too But fun as it is to watch this poetic race The answer is staring you right in the face Roses are red and violets are blue Because nothing fucking rhymes with purple. Roses are red
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Alive, Beautiful, and Children: THE LAST DAYS OF POMPEII distrust: whatever the wishes of the mind, | love to train, to ripen their minds-to unfold the animal frame was well fitted to executethe sweet blossom of their hidden passion:s, them; the wiry muscles of the throat, the in order to prepare the fruit to my taste. I hraad chest, the nervous hands and lea loathe your ready-made and ripened courte aunt arms, which were bared above the sans; it is in the soft and unconscious prog napable alike of ress of innocence to desire that I find the sive endurance. true charm of love: it is thus that I defy ian to this fas- satiety; and by contemplating the freshness you ha e improved the of others, I sustain the freshness of my own tue much attending to my sensations. From the young hearts of my suggestion; and your verses are excellent. ictis I draw the ingredients of the caldron Always prophesy good fortupe, unless there in which I re-yout y. But enough of s an absolute impossibility oits fulilment." this: to the subject before us. You know, tin, that in Neapolis some time since I en ntered Ione and Apæcides, brother and er, the children of Athenians who had andare the to be at rest- at Neapolis. The death of their for rest prays the mariner in the Ægean sea,rents, who knew and esteemed me, consti or at least so says Horace;-can the mariner tuted me their g. I was not unmind be more an rest in the sea than when e is at fal of the trust. The youth, docile and mild, el lily to the impression I sought to on him. Next to woman, I love the lections of my ancestral land; I love to propagate on distant shores her colonies perchance yet people), her dark and mystic creeds. It may be that " Assuredly," replied the priest, leading it pleases me to delude mankind, while I thus he way to one of the small chambers which serve the deities. To Apæcides I taught the urrounded th open gate. Here they seated solemn faith of Isis. I unfolded to him rea the cinating flan voice of the stat iphave we ot s beautiful, he botton of it?" to other mattes you can admit meio one of your less sacred apartments?" which h hsomething of those sublime allegories which are couched beneath her worship. I excited winein a soul peculiarly alive to religious fer which while the companions partook, a r- 1 that enthusiasm which imagination begets on tain, drawn across the entrance opening to faith. I have placed him amongst you: he the court, concealed them rom e, b is one of you" admonished them by the thinness of the par-"He is so," said Calenus: "but in thus sition to speak low, or to speak no secrets: stimulating his faith, you have robbed him of wisdom. He is horror-struck that he is , in a voice no longer duped; our sage delusions, our ues and secret staircases, dis was its sound, at it has ever been may and revolt him; he pines; he wastes my maxim to attach yself to the young. away; he mutters to himself; he refuses to From their flexile and unformed minds I can share our ceremonies. He has been known coye out my fittest tools. I weaveI warp to frequent the company of men suspected mould them at my will.e Q the men I of adherence to that new and atheistical creed the which denies all our gods, and terms our oracles the inspirations of that malevolent ·n | spirit of which eastern tradition speaks. Our oracles-alas ! we know well whose inspira- ernative. Arbaces, air, so soft and in speaking stat favorite dstorted his ungainly features " Yes, I do not disguise it; woman is the tions they are." main object, the great appetite, of my soul.This is what I feared," said Arbace As you feed the victim for the slaughter, musingly, "from various reproaches he made love to rear the votaries of my pleasure. I me when I last saw him. Of late he hath
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