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Dude, Food, and Friends: CT Dear Guy Who Just Made On Earth, we use the word "burrito" to de- scribe a tortilla filled with things you eat Pretty simple stuff, and I'm surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been re- of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Be- cause that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layers length- wise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of geting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY. When you eat a burrito, you don't stand it up and bite down on it lengthnwise bke a fucking Rancor. Humans can't usually dis- ocate their jaws, and I'm not a facking pelican. But you must think that's how it's done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crap- strosity and have it taste like a burrito And guess what else, player? You probably can't guess aroything, because I'm pretty sure you're just a mop with a bat on it that tilla, but just in case, here's what: Humans also dont eat burritos like fuck ing corn on the cob. Lake a fucking type writer from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish 1 had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SEC My experience was more like HEY BEANS ITS JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND ME FOR A FEW MINUTES UNTIL CAN NEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS NEXT I HOPE ITS NOT ANOTHER FUCK You built this thing like a fucking pack of And don't even fucking think Im abour to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense go degrees.I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS I AM NOT, GOING TO DO FUCKING TOR- TILIA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITHA BURRITO THATS BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEFDING YOUR INEPTI Whar's that?I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? DONT WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING AND I DONT WANT A PILE OF BURRITO You're the worst thing that has ever hap- pened to the universe, you owe everyone bomination, and I hope your babies look Did you lake this post? Imade something dse I DIDNT ORDER THE FUCKING COBBUR BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY That's like buying a car and hand you a fucking wrench with the keys FUCKER'S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They're called A fork. My god. I haven't cried since I was We can all stand behind this dude’s angry burrito rant
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Af, Love, and Sex: Collegelumns UNITED STATES SEX MOVES s The ALARAMA The ALASIA Usberke or hit md pry or pertner's into i Panpa lan of oe af thry yr Soo- ng pinie The CALIFORNIA TheARKANSAS ck it in th Asst le l wskf oa Rare ker bek TheCOLORADO, UTAH, ARIZONA and NEW MEXICO Flafa yno be nur at a The CONNECTICUT The DELAVWARE Agi beng so sea ssy irst rhat as r a repraetation er, f The FLORIDA The GEORGIA Rerie the edroc es rb r the peshes then go ar aly il d The IDAHO The HAWAII Get Led Sd thrpore The LLINOIS The 1OWA Fa Pats thr oarekek The INDIANA The KANSAS See ora tss g par arfis y doet thk they'reye yone aitest yaar pantr ag The LOUISIANA The KENTUCKY Massta sss od do ar beat to Arat Parse eriindnyche protathoe Prech Pip The MAINE The MASSACHUSETTS Tpr perer lpcs Hasea dyyisy prt The MICHIGAN The MINNESOTA rine year prer n rhealay deee a oe frd to adbrkngry. Doiturennr The RHODE ISLAND The NOUTII CAROLINA arnVheeeet s Kep siy sie de? The MISSOURI The MESSISSIPPI See ho y to Te your parer h s the yeas ath The NEVADA The NEWILAMPSIIRE Mise a twr y tst ye oas get th ksof Tabe eoasi nd md ap geg ly The NEW TORK The NEW JERSEY Muke seese dde pun for yaa Crs eryg isto the part of their by diy qere the rat The NORTII CAROLINA The NORTH DAKOTA C f dri aiyer Tale your parr gknidig тh ОКLAHОМА TheOHIO P thr ack Mnnd teir pahad The OREGON ThePENNSLVANIA Foll o porturk malad ig farna rami a e ashenly The SOUTH DAKOTA heTENNESSEE Get se ly rack-Aand ead whsde on eir dse The VERMONT The TEXAS Mae &Jery Mon h th. The VIRGINIA ad MARYLAND Cae tngter sd a nn TheASHINGTON TheVWEST VIRGINIA Deitisoaal aise Da it in the rai The WISCONSIN The WYOMING Alow t year o atfa Get ed by ar pamer INmdls thnir ba 50 Ways to Make Love Like a True American

50 Ways to Make Love Like a True American

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