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9/11, America, and Children: The Turkey Story So it's 2001, and my family drives from fu California and like three blizzards to get to Ohio for into a nursing home and it's their last holiday in that house. So its a bit bittersweet but ultimately a good thing. Since it's their last holiday there, the family pulls out all the stops when it comes to dinner, all the Russian desserts come out, as does the Lethal Bacon Mashed Potatoes and the horrible candied yams with the mini marshmallows dish because not all expressions of love are even if they are si In the spirit of going alout, Uncle Bobby smokes a Turkey Uncle Bobby started cooking as a boy foil-wrapped potatoes into a campfire and has been ad- dicted since, and now has a hand-made smokehouse in the backyard where he makes various cured meats and other delights. He seasons the turkey in the traditional manner, but he and grandpa have a shared passion for SO Game Hen seasoned that way, for them. Then Bobby has a Brilliant Idea. He realizes that he can stuff the turkey (once it has been smoked) with regular stuffing, and there is still plenty of room for him to put the game hen inside THAT, and stuff the game hen be- cuase why not? He confers with Mom, and she explains how to cut open the turkey so there's dramatic reveal as the stuffing and game hen come out. It's Genius. Except, of course, that my Aunt Sue is attending, Uncle Cliff s after her So the day of the dinner, tensions are running a bit high, between the marathon cooking, the kids al being trapped indoors due to aforementioned blizzards, and Uncle Cliff deciding that the best way to amuse himself is by hiding from the adults in the basement, getting drunk and rambling about how various ethic groups were destroying America. Being that I had close Muslim friends that were leaving the country becuase of 9/11, 1 was near tears from this nonsense and ready to n roughly five times my size. Sue, for some reason, keeps coming down and defending him, or telling us we're rotten children for 'attacking him, becuase she Must Stand By Her Man, even if her man is a hefty bag of dog feces with an ugly mustache My sister eventually boits upstairs to tattle and my grandfather limps down to the basement and brandishes his Hip Bone Cane, hands rock-steady in spite of the Parkinson's slowly taking over him. Firstly Cliff, It may not be my roof much longer but while you are under it you will be civil, or Ill beat your skull in. Also, dinner's ready, everyone go wash up. We go upstairs and sit down, and do the traditional "Name one thing you're thankful for as the bread gets passed around the table, and things calm down a bit. Bobby brings out the Turkey and everyone goes OOH becuase it's really pretty, them Mom carves it open so that the stuffing spills out dramatically along with the game hen and there's an appreciative gasp all around becuase it looks cool. Only Sue KEEPS gasping, in utter horror, before getting up and clasping her hands to her face ala Edvard Munch and shrieks OH MY GOD IT WAS PREGNANTI We all stare at Sue. We all look back at the fully-dressed-cooked-and-stuffed birds that in no way had any internal organs in them or ever gave live birth Then we all looked back at Sue, trying to figure out where to begin but since shed been trying to justify Cliffs behavior she was pretty much free-associating conspiracies and scandals now, and just kept going. IT WAS PREGNANT MY GOD WE'VE COMMITTED AN ABORTION WE'RE ALL GOING TO HELL FOR THIS, I'M SO SORRY JESUS She goes into full pearl-clutching gibbering horror at this point and falls back into her chair like it's a Victorian fainting couch only it's a shitty chair from the Eisenhower administration so it collapses and she slams into the floor, sobbing and kicking her feet like a toddler Everyone watched for a moment before my Mom sighs heavily and starts carving and serving the turkey while my grandmother mouths she's not coming back Cliff, reactions delayed by about six beers, finally notices his wife is on the floor and tries to pick her up, are assisted by Dad, who is saintly patient man and less immune to this jacknapery at that point. I am stuffing dinner rolls into my face to keep from laughing at this grand spectacle ICANT EAT IT, I REFUSE TO PARTAKE IN THIS BARBARISM Sue begins but Dad puts on his best Kindly Father voice (he was heavily involved with the catholic church and even considered becoming a priest before getting drafted but that's another story)and assures Sue that she need not eat, or even be in the room if she wants. She nods, placated by being the center of attention again, and Dad goes in for the kill. I wouldn't want you to go hungry. Can I make you some That would be lovely." Said Sue, joke flying over her ng 747. I recall watching my grandmot her nearly choke to death on the green beans over that, and everyone pointedly trying to avoid talking about anything poultry-related while Sue sat there and ate the most ironic scrambled eggs in the history of mankind. Shortly thereafter, Cliff threw up in the sink and they went home, and the party got underway properly, with Grandpa raising a toast to Mom and Uncle Bobby For t Turkey has been an staple since then. I'll see if I can hit Uncle Bobby up for instructions but if you decide to make it 1. you HAVE to shriek "OH MY GOD IT WAS PREGNANT when you carve it open, or it's not authentic and won't taste as good 2. Share the pictures with me, Very planned Parenthood
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Batman, Blockbuster, and Broomstick: TOMATOMETER All Critics | Top Critic:s WANT TO SEE O っ 1 6 0% Critics Consensus: Teen Titans Go! To the Movies distills the enduring appeal of its colorful characters into a charmingly light-hearted adventure whose wacky humor fuels its infectious fun - and belies a surprising level of intelligence. want to see Average Rating: 7.2/10 Reviews Counted: 31 User Ratings: 1,032 Fresh: 28 Rotten: 3 ADD YOUR RATING +WANT TO SEE Add a Comment (Optional) Post TOMATOMETERO All Critics Top Critics AUDIENCE SCORE ? 75% 0 Critics Consensus: Man of Steel's exhilarating action and spectacle can't fully overcome its detours into generic blockbuster territory liked it Average Rating: 6.2/10 Reviews Counted: 310 Average Rating:3.9/5 User Ratings: 446,377 Fresh: 171 Rotten: 139 MAN--O-Fİ STE E L ADD YOUR RATING NOT INTERESTED +WANT TO SEE Add a Review (Optional) Post TOMATOMETER All Critics Top Critics AUDIENCE SCORE 0 63% 0 Critics Consensus: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice smothers a potentially powerful story - and some of America's most iconic superheroes - in a grim whirlwind of effects-driven action. liked it Average Rating: 4.9/10 Reviews Counted: 380 Average Rating: 3.5/5 User Ratings: 231,323 Fresh: 103 Rotten: 277 ADD YOUR RATING NOT INTERESTED +WANT TO SEE BATMAN SUPERMAN Add a Review (Optional) 3.25.16 Post TOMATOMETER All Critics Top Critics AUDIENCE SCORE 74% 0 Critics Consensus: Justice League leaps over a number of DC movies, but its single bound isn't enough to shed the murky aesthetic, thin characters, and chaotic action that continue to dog the franchise liked it Average Rating: 5.3/10 Reviews Counted: 313 Average Rating: 3.9/5 User Ratings: 124,429 Fresh: 126 Rotten: 187 OLD ADD YOUR RATING DC JUSTICE LEAGUE NOT INTERESTED +WANT TO SEE ALL IN 1117 Add a Review (Optional) Post TOMATOMETER All Critics Top Critics AUDIENCE SCORE Critics Consensus: Suicide Squad boasts a talented cast and a little more humor than previous DCEU efforts, but they aren't enough to save the disappointing end result from a muddled plot, thinly written characters, and choppy directing. liked it SUICIDE Average Rating: 4.8/10 Reviews Counted: 330 Average Rating: 3.5/5 User Ratings: 143,259 Fresh: 89 Rotten: 241 ADD YOUR RATING NOT INTERESTED +WANT TO SEE Add a Review (Optional) Post lreynajr: The DCEU Is Saved! 

lreynajr: The DCEU Is Saved! 

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Fucking, God, and Life: photoshop-and-chocolate today i learned nipples grow back and now have to figure out what to do with this information photoshop-and-chocolate (Why did you have to take us down with you oh my god)) cuz if i needed to learn it everyone else has to too dualclock I know nipples grow back because once when i was in middle school in my art class a bunch of dudesat my table who were always fucking around instead of doing their work heard a rumor that if you spray AXE directly onto your nipple for exactly sixty seconds, and flicked it, your nipple will come off. So the moment the teacher left the room to go to the bathroom or something, they whip out a can and one brave soul among their number begins to spray himself, while the others chanted ritualistically. At 60 seconds, they watched, giggling as the young man put his hand up to his breast and flicked. to their horror, the nipple did come off and, at ballistic speeds, soared across the table and hit me right in the cheek. And stuck. So everyone who was aware of this spectacle is sitting there in stunned silence, all while blood gushed from the nipple hole of the young man. I am so stunned that I am literally incapable of moving, having astral-projected so far away from this disembodied nipple that i may as well have been a dead man. The teacher returns and his shirt comes down, in an attempt to hide the tomfoolery, but yall know AXE Body Spray knows nothing of mercy, and almost immediately she was alerted to the scent of defeat and the sight of blood seeping through the young mans shirt. She didnt ask for an explaination, simply advised him to take the pass and go to the nurse. As he stands to go, his fellow comerade, remembering me suddenly, reaches over and plucks the bodiless nipple from my cheek, like a grape from the vine, and runs up to his friend with the words "dont forget your nipple". It was a moving experience that honestly changed my life forever. I'm a new man after that day. The day he became a man
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Fucking, God, and Life: photoshop-and-chocolate today i learned nipples grow back and now have to figure out what to do with this information photoshop-and-chocolate (Why did you have to take us down with you oh my god)) cuz if i needed to learn it everyone else has to too dualclock I know nipples grow back because once when i was in middle school in my art class a bunch of dudesat my table who were always fucking around instead of doing their work heard a rumor that if you spray AXE directly onto your nipple for exactly sixty seconds, and flicked it, your nipple will come off. So the moment the teacher left the room to go to the bathroom or something, they whip out a can and one brave soul among their number begins to spray himself, while the others chanted ritualistically. At 60 seconds, they watched, giggling as the young man put his hand up to his breast and flicked. to their horror, the nipple did come off and, at ballistic speeds, soared across the table and hit me right in the cheek. And stuck. So everyone who was aware of this spectacle is sitting there in stunned silence, all while blood gushed from the nipple hole of the young man. I am so stunned that I am literally incapable of moving, having astral-projected so far away from this disembodied nipple that i may as well have been a dead man. The teacher returns and his shirt comes down, in an attempt to hide the tomfoolery, but yall know AXE Body Spray knows nothing of mercy, and almost immediately she was alerted to the scent of defeat and the sight of blood seeping through the young mans shirt. She didnt ask for an explaination, simply advised him to take the pass and go to the nurse. As he stands to go, his fellow comerade, remembering me suddenly, reaches over and plucks the bodiless nipple from my cheek, like a grape from the vine, and runs up to his friend with the words "dont forget your nipple". It was a moving experience that honestly changed my life forever. I'm a new man after that day. The day he became a man
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Instagram, Memes, and Superman: eroic,ateway/Instagram Extensive, Expensive Justice League' Reshoots Might Just Be The Key To Critical Success A report from Variety states that Warner Bros and DC are spending roughly $25 million on extensive Justice League reshoots that have been stretched out over two months 🙇🏻🤷🏻‍♂️A report from Variety yesterday, states that Warner Bros and DC are spending roughly $25 million on extensive Justice League reshoots that have been stretched out over two months. The extra time and excessive expense have been attributed to scheduling conflicts between the principal actors; Ezra Miller is busy shooting the sequel to Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, and Henry Cavill is shooting the sixth Mission: Impossible. Cavill has grown a mustache for his Mission: Impossible role which he is contractually obligated to retain until the shoot wraps, meaning his Superman will have to have his facial hair digitally removed in post-production. Zack Snyder’s flair for visual spectacle and Whedon’s small-scale character dynamics are a winning combination. So what do you think? As always kindly leave your thoughts and comments below. Source: VARIETY VideoEditedby: Gavin Feng @twitter JusticeLeague JoinTheLeague UniteTheLeague dccomics warnerbros dccinematicuniverse dcextendeduniverse dceu dcfilms ManofSteel BatmanvSuperman DawnofJustice SuicideSquad WonderWoman JusticeLeague Aquaman TheBatman GothamCitySirens TheFlash Nightwing Batgirl Cyborg GreenLanternCorp heroic_gateway @wbpictures @heroic.gateway - . . . . . -Make Sure to Give this Post a LIKE and be so kindly Leave your thoughts and comments below. Make sure to turn on Accounts Post-Notification for more of our Daily Awesome DCEU posts.
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Cars, Memes, and News: HH NEWS PX66 DVU New 2017 WRC Cars Are Too Quick, According To The FIA Via @carthrottlenews - It’s fair to say the new 2017 World Rally Championship cars look epic, sound downright insane and are much quicker than last year’s machinery. - But, according to the FIA, the cars are now too fast. This comes after stage 12 of Rally Sweden was called off due to safety recommendations over the speeds of the cars. - No, we’re not joking. The first run through the Kron stage saw Ott Tanak set an average speed of 85.62mph, but the FIA doesn’t want that figure to go over 80mph. - So, according to the FIA’s rally director Jarmo Mahonen, it’s considering rule changes to bring down the average speeds of rally stages. - Here’s what he told Autosport: - “These cars are quicker than the old cars - but in this stage even last year’s [cars] were going more than 130km-h [80mph]. These kind of stages teach us one thing: we need to take a more firm grip when organisers want to introduce new stages, we have to be present to check them. “If we see a stage time of more than 130km-h then it’s an indicator that we need to be looking at this. From our point of view this was too fast. What we want to do is look at a guideline on this, but maybe we need to think to the regulations.” - But, of course, no one wants to see the average speeds decreasing through artificial means or the cars being pegged back. - Thankfully, Mahonen seems to understand this: - “We want the cancellation of this stage to send a message to the other organisers to think carefully about their route. We want speeds lower than 130km-h, but I remember when I was an organiser and I didn’t want to use straw bales to make chicanes. I understand that, and the answer is simple: use smaller roads that will be slower. This is what we have to do.” - Let’s hope that, if something is brought in, it doesn’t impact the incredible spectacle of the new WRC cars.

Via @carthrottlenews - It’s fair to say the new 2017 World Rally Championship cars look epic, sound downright insane and are much quicker th...

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Amazon, America, and Anaconda: <p><a href="http://lastsonlost.tumblr.com/post/157245616022/lastsonlost-unduplicism-thatadult" class="tumblr_blog">lastsonlost</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="http://fitotrd.tumblr.com/post/157245057846/unduplicism-thatadult-reenuka" class="tumblr_blog">fitotrd</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><a href="http://lastsonlost.tumblr.com/post/157244925037/thatadult-reenuka-susiethemoderator" class="tumblr_blog">lastsonlost</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://unduplicism.tumblr.com/post/157239194162/thatadult-reenuka-susiethemoderator" class="tumblr_blog">unduplicism</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://thatadult.tumblr.com/post/157180164199/susiethemoderator-yahooentertainment-the" class="tumblr_blog">thatadult</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://reenuka.tumblr.com/post/157179549939/susiethemoderator-yahooentertainment-the" class="tumblr_blog">reenuka</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://susiethemoderator.tumblr.com/post/157179413335/yahooentertainment-the-message-under-any-white" class="tumblr_blog">susiethemoderator</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://yahooentertainment.tumblr.com/post/157165545373/the-message-under-any-white-cloak" class="tumblr_blog">yahooentertainment</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="https://www.yahoo.com/music/2017-grammys-red-carpet-arrivals-slideshow-wp-230817134.html">The message under any white cloak</a><br/></p></blockquote> <p>I just LOVE how this cockroach wore a white cloak and underneath she wore her Trump dress. <br/>It’s a great visual analogy to her soul kin the KKK. Underneath each white hood lies a racist ideology! </p> <p>The symbolism™. Getting ya ass canceled before you can even become relevant in the grand scheme of things? Who else can say they did this? <br/>I C O N I C</p> </blockquote> <p>I still don’t know who this is. She tried so hard to be a spectacle and we still don’t know her name.</p> </blockquote> <a class="tumblelog" href="https://tmblr.co/myjrAIO-bLEJ_iZZcISjVSQ">@reenuka</a> nailed it</blockquote> <p>I’m glad she made herself irrelevant before we had to hear her.</p> </blockquote> <p>not so sure.</p> <p><a href="http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fpittsburgh.cbslocal.com%2F2017%2F02%2F13%2Fsales-skyrocket-after-joy-villa-wears-pro-trump-dress-to-grammys%2F&amp;t=ZTk5ODE4M2UwYTg5MzJhMzNkYTk1YWY5ZTA2MDAyM2Q5NWQwOWJiMixuMklVOW85ZQ%3D%3D&amp;b=t%3ABzhmL6Ywn-Jr8XBMnaxyTA&amp;p=http%3A%2F%2Flastsonlost.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F157227169877%2Fskeleton-lad-juliuscaesarspalace&amp;m=1">After her appearance at the Grammy’s the 25-year-old’s EP “I Make The Static” jumped to number one on Amazon’s top digital albums, and is still there Monday. </a><br/><br/></p> <p> She<a href="http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fheadlineplanet.com%2Fhome%2F2017%2F02%2F13%2Fjoy-villas-ep-reaches-1-us-itunes-sales-chart-3-songs-top-100-following-grammys%2F&amp;t=Y2ZjMjljZDM5M2U2MTk1YWM0MDBjZTVlMDUwMWM1YWZhMWZiZGUyNyxuMklVOW85ZQ%3D%3D&amp;b=t%3ABzhmL6Ywn-Jr8XBMnaxyTA&amp;p=http%3A%2F%2Flastsonlost.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F157227169877%2Fskeleton-lad-juliuscaesarspalace&amp;m=1"> REACHES #1 ON US ITUNES SALES CHART, 2 SONGS IN TOP 50 FOLLOWING GRAMMYS </a> <br/></p> <p>Shes<a href="http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thegatewaypundit.com%2F2017%2F02%2Fjoy-villas-album-sales-explode-18106633-within-hours-wearing-make-america-great-dress%2F&amp;t=OWZkZTAyOTQwMDk2ZWJmMDU4ZWMxZDI0MTc3ZjBkNTc2ZDEyNzhkMCxuMklVOW85ZQ%3D%3D&amp;b=t%3ABzhmL6Ywn-Jr8XBMnaxyTA&amp;p=http%3A%2F%2Flastsonlost.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F157227169877%2Fskeleton-lad-juliuscaesarspalace&amp;m=1"> currently a better seller than both Lady Gaga and Beyonce. Joy Villa’s Album Sales EXPLODE 18,106,633% Within Hours Of Wearing Make America Great Again Dress</a> <br/></p> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="730" data-orig-width="540"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/833ccdf31cb972c11c72725443d5275e/tumblr_inline_oldsg158Nd1sp5650_540.png" data-orig-height="730" data-orig-width="540"/></figure><p>What do you think <a class="tumblelog" href="https://tmblr.co/mWwPAAcJqc2quFW4R-ie6Yg">@fitotrd</a> ?</p> </blockquote> <p>I dont like it, never did never will like when people use outrage to get attention. That being said the business man in me is bowing at this power move. Fucking genius dude! Besides we all know the right isnt as fickle either so if she doesn’t do anything too silly she should have made a shit ton of new followers that will buy her next album. Plus shes beautiful as fuck and would make me do a double take into a tree most likely haha.</p> </blockquote> <p>Don’t hate the player she knows how to play the game. It’s not as silly as wearing a dress made out of meat or dressing like a living God complex. </p></blockquote>
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