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Child Support, Community, and Fucking: Chronic Sex @ChronicSexChat Chronic Sex *Psst* Marriage equality doesn't exist anywhere unless disabled people can marry without losing their benefits Pass it orn 5/21/18, 7:03 AM actualmythicalcreature: somecunttookmyurl: tyse-has-unpopular-opinions: juxtapoesition: oistrong: I’m all for fighting for marriage equality in the LGBT community. But we’re so focused on that no one knows about this problem. W…wait Thats a thing???? Yep! The man I refer to as my husband? We aren’t actually married. We can’t be. If I married him, the government would literally expect me to care for him and be his sole source of income. He would lose all of his benefits, including SSDI. Spouses are expected to share income and that effects ALL of his benefits, even his health insurance. We simply can’t afford to be married. But it goes even further than that. If I were disabled, our incomes would STILL be combined, meaning BOTH of us would have our benefits cut. For people reviving supplemental income, their benefits can be cut anywhere from 25% of their current income all the way down to 0% In fact, one of the stipulations of receiving income under the adult disabled child program (which provides benefits for people who were disabled before age 22) is that they LITERALLY never be married. I normally don’t link to blog posts as resources, but since social service resource sites like to dress this problem up and make it seem smaller than it really is, I’m gonna call it appropriate! Check it out! https://www.advocate.com/commentary/2015/06/29/op-ed-why-no-matter-what-i-still-cant-marry-my-girlfriend I’m upset about the situation in case you couldn’t tell. Disabled people in the UK do not have marriage equality. If you so much as LIVE with a partner you lose a massive chunk of income Disabled Canadian chiming in - it’s the same here. I can even be kicked off disability for living with a romantic partner for longer than 6 months because then I’m considered common-law, and said partners income is deducted dollar for dollar from my benefits. Things like alimony, spousal support, and child support are also deducted dollar for dollar from my benefits - so you also get in shit for having previous relationships. If I have a roommate, they can request I PROVE that I’m not in a relationship with them by getting character references to swear it. Essentially, anyone whose unlucky enough to love me, is considered my financial caretaker. It fucking sucks.
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Aladdin, Definitely, and Disney: Scott "Hug Honey" Fearichs Fun fact: I once asked Jeff Goode (creator of Jake Long: American Dragon) at a furry con, "How do you feel about people making lewd art of your characters?" He said, "Oh, Disney sat me down and showed me a bunch of Kim Possible porn and said, 'This will happen to your show. 10-50 PM 26 Oct 2018 19 Retweets 42 Likes (e e'。叭魁 D ( ) Three things I find hilarious about this: 1: Jeff Goode goes to Furry Cons 2: Disney acknowledges and prepares show creators that their show will, most definitely, become porn. 3: Disney has examples on hand of how said show will, most definitely become porn. faeforge Pmtilll Disney doesn't just have examples of said pornl! Ok story time. Yeaaaars ago i dated an animator chick. During that short time together we ran around a lot and met a bunch of industry people in our area One of them used to work for Disney, So we are hanging out at his apartment and conversation being what it is he kinda says "hold on and goes off to dig in the closet. He comes back and sets down a couple STACKS (and im talking foot high) of printer paper. What followed were a couple hours of hysterical laughing as we paged through a history of Disney animation- porn edition See Disney has this weird rule in their artist contracts- everything you create while in their employ is THEIRS. Even in the off time. Its one of the reasons they are reviled in the industry But the rule was set in place to basically steal good ideas from their staff or force them to ONLY work on Disney ip's while employed. The jokes on them though. They didn't count on most artists being giant perverts (this story is also why i laugh when people tell me drawing smut will 'ruin your art career) Sol Disney being bastards ended up earning them smut of everything they've ever created. And also per their policies they had to keep it. Every artist knew about the smut vaulad our buddy here had photocopieda chunk of it. Yes... 2-3 feet of smut was just a chunk of it. Snow white? Rescue rangers? Goofy? Minnie? Micky? Beauty and the beast? Aladdin? Yup you name it it was there. Some of it was mild. The topless little mermaid stuff made sense at least. Some was raunchy as hell ALL OF IT in the animation style of the films and shows. So yes, not only does Disney know there will be porn, have the porn, but they official porn. You're welcome. Source: maswartz rg3ef tg5yhb645rvtctghyygtfrgt5hy6ujio7m6u5yntrdfdx
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Aladdin, Definitely, and Disney: Scott "Hug Honey" Fearichs Fun fact: I once asked Jeff Goode (creator of Jake Long: American Dragon) at a furry con, "How do you feel about people making lewcd art of your characters?" He said, "Oh, Disney sat me down and showed me a bunch of Kim Possible porn and said, This will happen to your show. 050 PM-26 201 thedarksideoflim Theee things find hilanious about this 1 Jef Goode goes to Furry Cons 2 Disney acknowledges and prepares show creators that their show will, most definidely, become pon 3 Disney has examples on hand of how said show will, most definitely, become pom Disney doesot just have examples of said pom Ok story time. Yeaaaars ago i dated an animator chick During that short time together we ran around a lot and met a bunch of industry people in our area One of them used to work for Disney So we are hanging out at his apartment and conversation being what it is he kinda says hold on and goes of to dig in the closet He comes back and sets down a couple STACKS (and im talking foot high) of printe paper What followed were a couple hours of hysterical laughing as we paged theough a history of Disney animation pom edition" See Disney has this weird rule in their artist contracts everything you create while in their employ is THEIRS Even in the of time. its one of the reasons they are rewled ih the industry But the rule was set in place to basically steal good ideas from their staf or force them to ONLY work on Disney ip's while employed The jokes on them though. They didn't count on most atists being giant perverts tell me drawing smut will ruin your at caee his story is also why i laugh when people Sol Disney being bastards ended up eaning them smut of everything they ve ever created And also per their policies they had to keep it Every artist knew about the smut vault and our buddy here had photocopied a chunk of it Yes 2-3 feet of smut was just a chunk of it Snow white? Rescue rangers? Goofy? Minnie? Micky? Beauty and the beast? Aladdin? Yup you name it it was there Some of t was mild The topless little memaid stuf made sense at least. Some was raunchy as hell ALL OF I7 in the animation style of the fims and shows So yes, not only does Disney know there will be pom, have the pom, but they official pom You're welcome gagzilla.info 65 Friday Funny Pictures
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Aladdin, Definitely, and Disney: Scott "Hug Honey" Fearichs @KaiserNeko Following Fun fact: I once asked Jeff Goode (creator of Jake Long: American Dragon) at a furry con, "How do you feel about people making lewd art of your characters?" He said, "Oh, Disney sat me down and showed me a bunch of Kim Possible porn and said, 'This will happen to your show." 10:50 PM-26 Oct 2018 19 Retweets 42 Likes thedarksideoflimbo Three things l find hilarious about this 1:Jeff Goode goes to Furry Cons 2: Disney acknowledges and prepares show creators that their show will, most definitely, become porn 3: Disney has examples on hand of how said show will, most definitely become porn faeforge Disney doesn't just have examples of said porn! Ok story time. Yeaaaars ago i dated an animator chick. During that short time together we ran around a lot and met a bunch of industry people in our area One of them used to work for Disney. So we are hanging out at his apartment and conversation being what it is he kinda says "hold on" and goes off to dig in the closet. He comes back and sets down a couple STACKS (and im talking foot high) of printer paper What followed were a couple hours of hysterical laughing as we paged through "a history of Disney animation- porn edition" See Disney has this weird rule in their artist contracts- everything you create while in their employ is THEIRS. Even in the off time. Its one of the reasons they are reviled in the industry. But the rule was set in place to basically steal good ideas from their staff or force them to ONLY work on Disney ip's while employed The jokes on them though. They didn't count on most artists being giant perverts (this story is also why i laugh when people tell me drawing smut will ruin your art career') So! Disney being bastards ended up earning them smut of everything they've ever created. And also per their policies they had to keep it. Every artist knew about the smut vault and our buddy here had photocopied a chunk of it. Yes... 2-3 feet of smut was just a chunk of it Snow white? Rescue rangers? Goofy? Minnie? Micky? Beauty and the beast? Aladdin? Yup you name it it was there. Some of it was mild. The topless little mermaid stuff made sense at least. Some was raunchy as hel ALL OF IT in the animation style of the films and shows So yes, not only does Disney know there will be porn, have the porn, but they official porn You're welcome Source: maswartz Rule 34 is a universal constant
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Bad, Drugs, and Food: The LAD Bible 2 hrs LADOIbi When you break out of prison and find out about McDonald's monopoly... 20th Century Fox Television WH Photography ldr Like Comment →Share Top Comments 12,516 shares Wentworth Miller Today I found myself the subject of an Internet meme. Not for the first time. This one, however, stands out from the rest. In 2010, semi-retired from acting, I was keeping a low-profile for a number of reasons. First and foremost, I was suicidal This is a subject I've since written about, spoken about, shared about. But at the time l suffered in silence. As so many do. The extent of my struggle known to very, very few. Ashamed and in pain, I considered myself damaged goods. And the voices in my head urged me down the path to self-destruction. Not for the first time. I've struggled with depression since childhood. It's a battle that's cost me time, opportunities, relationships, and a thousand sleepless nights In 2010, at the lowest point in my adult life, I was looking everywhere for relief/comfort/distraction. And I turned to food. It could have been anything Drugs. Alcohol. Sex. But eating became the one thing I could look forward to. Count on to get me through. There were stretches when the highlight of my week was a favorite meal and a nevw episode of TOP CHEF. Sometimes that was enough. Had to be. And I put on weight. Big f--king deal. One day, out for a hike in Los Angeles witha friend, we crossed paths with a film crew shooting a reality show. Unbeknownst to me, paparazzi were circling. They took my picture, and the photos were published alongside images of me from another time in my career. "Hunk To Chunk." "Fit To Flab." Etc. My mother has one of those "friends" who's always the first to bring you bad news. They clipped one of these articles from a popular national magazine and mailed it to her. She called me, concerned. In 2010, fighting for my mental health, it was the last thing I needed. Long story short, I survived. So do those pictures. I'm glad. Now, when I see that image of me in my red t shirt, a rare smile on my face, I am reminded of my struggle. My endurance and my perseverance in the face of all kinds of demons. Some within. Some without. Like a dandelion up through the pavement, I persist. Anyway. Still. Despite. The first time I saw this meme pop up in my social media feed, I have to admit, it hurt to breathe. But as with everything in life, I get to assign meaning. And the meaning I assign to this/my image is Strength. Healing. Forgiveness. Of myself and others. If you or someone you know is struggling, help is available. Reach out. Text. Send an email. Pick up the phone. Someone cares. They're waiting to hear from you. Much love . -W.M. drethelin: legally-bitchtastic: funniest-stuff: Great lesson in empathy, you never know what someone is going through. “And I put on weight. Big f–ing deal” is gonna be my new mantra Wentworth Miller is really good
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Beautiful, Blessed, and Bones: deadcatwithaflamethrower: hebic: kyraneko: balencia: kitrazzle: pissedoffweasley: wizardingheadcanon: kyraneko: elidyce: thatgirlonstage: fuckyeahdeathlyhallows: sirlestrange: #that is a human as a rat as a cup That was a long 12 years for Wormtail. Can you imagine how differently their lives would’ve gone if Ron, in trying to transfigure Scabbers, had actually transfigured him back into a human?Just take a moment to imagine McGonagall’s reaction if Peter Pettigrew had abruptly appeared in her classroom from Ronald Weasley’s rat.Take a moment. Or if Ron had fucked it up a little worse and couldn’t get ‘Scabbers’ back and McGonagall had take him to disenchant him and next thing we know there’s a naked Peter Pettigrew sitting on McGonagall’s desk and the kids in that class learn six new swear words, a hex they will never dare to use, and a fear of Minerva McGonagall’s wrath that will be with them until the day they die. Ten and twenty years later first years are being pulled aside and warned never mess around in Transfiguration seriously the last time a kid mucked something up in that class Professor McGonagall used two semi-legal hexes, took down a Death Eater and sabotaged the rise of the Dark Lord before Potter had time to get his wand out. What most of Hogwarts learned first on that otherwise-unexceptionable day was that Professor McGonagall could sure scream loud. Professor Flitwick’s Charms 5th-year Charms class was close enough to catch the full effect, and the door had been left open besides; en masse the students recoiled with shock and a miscast Hiccuping Charm broke one of the windows (out which the entire flock of ravens they were practicing on escaped to the Forbidden Forest where they only had to worry about centaurs, rather than annoying young humans with wands). Up in the Divination Tower, Sibyl Trelawny preened over her foresight to have warned her students of an unprecedented catastrophe likely to occur before the hour was out. Out in Greenhouse Five, a NEWT-level Herbology class looked up in puzzlement, and most of them were subsequently bitten by the Venomous Tentaculae they were attempting to propagate. It does not do to ignore a Venomous Tentacula when you’re prodding at its intimate parts with a cotton ball held in tweezers, so the class was cancelled while two-thirds of the students headed for the infirmary and the rest of them headed into the castle because if they stayed with the Venomous Tentaculae they’d be outnumbered, and nobody wants that. And down in the dungeons, Professor Snape turned away from comparing Lee Jordan’s Pepper-Up Potion to spoiled cream at what sounded like a woman screaming from the entrance hall. At the second scream, he ordered the class to remain where they were and behave, sweeping out of the room just in time to miss Theodore Nott suddenly jumping up and yelping as if someone had put a crocodile heart down the back of his robes. Fred Weasley stepped back from the unfortunate Slytherin, shared a smirk with his twin, and stuck his head out the door to make sure Snape had rounded the corner before leading the way out of the classroom. - Back in the Transfiguration classroom, about four minutes ago, it had started innocently enough. Ron Weasley, possessed of a broken wand and a lurking suspicion that most of the family’s magical talent had been soaked up by his siblings before he was around to get any, had attempted to turn his pet rat, Scabbers, into a teacup. Scabbers had not become a teacup. Scabbers, blast his useless furry little backside, had become a furry, vaguely teacup-shaped monstrosity out of which absolutely no one would have been tempted to drink, and to make matters worse, he still had a tail. It was moving. Harry was hiding a smile behind his hand. Dean and Seamus weren’t even trying to hide, elbowing each other and laughing. Parvati and Lavender were looking with disgust and horror at either Scabbers or him, and Hermione was opening her mouth, no doubt ready to tell him exactly what he’d done wrong. Which only made it worse that he really thought he’d done everything right this time. He snatched Scabbers off the desk (eww, the base of the cup had the same texture as rat feet) and turned away from Hermione. He made the wand movement again, picturing in his mind the way McGonagall had demonstrated it. “Erreverto.” “Erreverto. Erreverto. Erreverto.” It didn’t work. It didn’t work when Professor McGonagall stopped by and gave Hermione two points for Gryffindor for getting the spell perfect in both directions. It didn’t work when Harry made his successful transfiguration (Ron looked; the pattern was a little bit furry but it was definitely a teacup). Ron’s lips formed the shape of a word that would’ve made his mother box his ears had she heard it and attempted the reverse transfiguration, which didn’t work either. Finally, faced not only with the indignity of failure but the threat of Scabbers being stuck like that, he’d gone up to Professor McGonagall’s desk. “Um, Professor?” Professor McGonagall looked up from the paper she was grading and looked from him to the squirming teacup. “Problems, Mr. Weasley?” “Um, yeah, Professor. I can’t get it to work in either direction and it’s not fair to Scabbers to make him stay as a teacup just because I can’t do a spell right and can you maybe … ?” “I suppose so, Mr. Weasley,” she said, and waved her wand in the exact manner Ron had been doing all along. Nothing happened. Professor McGonagall looked very, very puzzled. “Now that’s odd,” she said softly. As one, the other students rose from their seats and quietly moved closer. She did not attempt the transfiguration in the other direction. Instead, she made a complex motion with her wand and murmured an incantation that possibly only Hermione recognized. The teacup squeaked. Professor McGonagall looked more puzzled than ever, and made a sweeping wand movement that ended with a sharp jab and uttered, “Arcanum finite!” And there was a loud bang, and there was a pale, pudgy, and very naked man sprawled out on her desk, and she jumped back hard enough to knock her chair into the wall and screamed. - Having taught a particularly rigorous course of magical study to children and teens for quite some time now, Minerva McGonagall had become accustomed to certain things. Students who didn’t listen. Students who did rude things to the mice when they thought she wasn’t looking. Students who accidentally turned a frog or a raven into a flock of starlings or a school of strange slimy South American fish (and tried to solve the immediate problem by filling the classroom with two feet of water, neglecting to consider the gap under the door). Students who tried to transfigure their noses into a more appealing shape and wound up in the hospital wing regrowing their nostrils. Naked men on her desk was something Minerva McGonagall had never had an occasion to get used to. What made it worse was that she recognized this one, and he’d been dead for more than a decade. Inferius! was her first thought, followed shortly thereafter by Animagus, which collided with Peter Pettigrew! and produced the utterly horrifying thought of what if all four of them were Animagi? which didn’t bear thinking about at all, so her brain jumped to if he wasn’t killed by a Dark Wizard then why didn’t he say so? and realized there was only one possible explanation why, and about that time her eyes registered that parts of Peter Pettigrew she really doesn’t want to know about were flopping about in front of her face, and she was screaming as she jumped back. The flow of invective which followed somehow failed to surprise her one bit. Some part of her registered, peripherally, the shocked faces of her students, but most of her attention was directed at Peter Pettigrew, who at very least faked his own death and at worst framed Sirius Black and if Black didn’t betray the Potters then who … did. And the words poured out of her, filthy English and filthier Latin while Pettigrew squirmed on the table, his face rage and guilt and fear and something shifty and contemptible, and he turned to look at the stunned students and lunged for Ron Weasley’s wand. - Severus Snape had reached the Entrance Hall by the time the scream died away and the invective replaced it. He almost smirked, amid the alarm; of all the things he’d never expected to hear from Minerva McGonagall … he took the stairs two at a time, still not noticing the students who followed. He did notice the Herbology class, which had stopped on the way to the Infirmary and were staring transfixed in the direction of the Transfiguration classroom, but pushed his way through them, getting Venomous Tentacula pollen all over his robes in the process. From the other end of the corridor came Professor Flitwick’s Charms class, with Professor Flitwick bringing up the rear and pushing his way between students. - Ron looked stunned as the man who’d been his pet rat snatched the wand from his hand; Professor McGonagal’s expression shifted to one beyond fury and when the entire class recoiled, it wasn’t from the naked man with the wand. “Laedo!“ Minerva McGonagall roared. - Ron Weasley’s wand cast a Splintering Curse many years beyond its rightful owner’s abilities, and it did Peter Pettigrew the poor favor of eliminating the door, which might have slowed him down a bit. - Severus Snape flailed and skidded to a halt as the Transfiguration classroom’s door shattered. He stepped back just in time, and stared, jaw dropped in shock, as a naked man he recognized from his school days flew past him and bellyflopped against the wall, bounced, and collapsed to the ground just in time to avoid the “Exitium!” which followed and vaporized an impresive chunk of the castle’s stone wall. Fred and George and Lee Jordan, determined to stay at the front of the crowd, had been pushed almost against Professor Snape by their fellow Potions classmates and some pollen-coated Hufflepuffs. Fred squirmed aside hastily as Professor McGonagall appeared in the doorway, the look on her face so utterly livid that Professors Snape and Flitwick both reflexively stepped back. Snape tripped over George’s foot and fell against a knot of Hufflepuffs, releasing another cloud of pollen and knocking them backwards. Pettigrew saw his opportunity and took it, scrambling to his feet, stumbling sideways, and launching himself towards the gap. And Minerva McGonagall made a thrust with her wand and said, “Perdo.” In the very loud silence which followed, Filius Flitwick squeaked, “The Splinching Charm, Minerva?” She might’ve looked embarrassed for a moment, and then she smiled as she looked down at Pettigrew, who lay on his belly, his arms and legs lying akimbo some distance away. “Unorthodox,” she said, “but useful in a pinch. If someone would inform the Headmaster, and send an owl to the Ministry—-not Fudge, not Crouch, someone competent—-Shacklebolt, perhaps. Students, return to your classrooms, please. Mr. Weasley, I’m very sorry, but I do believe it’s impossible to return you your rat. However, the zero I was going to have to give you for the day’s work is entirely undeserved, as you were not transfiguring a normal rat. You may make the lesson up any time this week.” - The story was, of course, much embellished by the time it reached all the students. Versions of it had the intruder peppering Snape with a Glitter Hex or transfiguring Ron’s rat into a pair of boxers, and people had to be disabused of the notion that it had been Voldemort who’d been hiding as a rat all this time. Snape gave both Weasley twins detention for tripping him, and took forty-seven points total from Gryffindor over the next few weeks for various pretend-subtle pollen references. Kingsley Shacklebolt showed up with a team of Aurors in time to meet Professor Dumbledore; the Wizengamot launched an investigation into the events surrounding the Potters’ murder; the results turned into a scandal which saw the release of Sirius Black and the forced resignation of both Director Bartemious Crouch and Minister Cornelius Fudge. Director of Magical Law Enforcement Amelia Bones was confirmed as Minister of Magic shortly thereafte, and the Daily Prophet reported that Sirius Black (“Godfather to the Boy-Who-Lived!” “Framed, Abandoned, Condemned to Living Hell!” “Heart-Wrenching: His Release In Pictures, Page 17!”) was considering applying for a teaching position at Hogwarts, “but just for a year, I’ve been cursed enough for one lifetime.” (“The Prophet reminds its readers that the so-called “curse” on a certain Hogwarts teaching position is almost certainly a mere string of coincidences.”) And, Minerva thought with relish some months later, it was almost three weeks before anyone attempted messing around in her class. A personal record. I’ve probably reblogged this before but I’m going to do it again right now I think this is literally the best au this entire fandom has produced I’ve only seen this legendary bit of writing in memes and screenshots. I feel so blessed to see it in person. Beautiful, simply beautiful! Reblogging my own post because a) it’s my damn horn and I’ll blow it if I want to, and b) I just (finally!) cross-posted this to Archive Of Our Own, so if anybody wants to go read it over there, here it is. @deadcatwithaflamethrower My only complaint is that Theodore Nott and Fred Weasely wouldn’t be in the same Potions class. *is pedantic* *reblogging because now you can bookmark it on AO3*
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Church, College, and Ellen DeGeneres: Disgusting Little Man are enemies in Bloodborne DISGUSTING LITTLE MAN Disgusting Little Man are enemies that can be found in the Forsaken Cainhurst Castle in Bloodborne. They attend to their duties and are mostly not hostile. Part knight and part servant, many will be scrubbing furiously when the Hunter arrives. Be mindful, however, as in an instant they can pull out their strange weapons and spill blood. Some servants carry golden canes that double as blowguns. Others carry elegant rapiers which they wield with frightening ease. CoMBAT INFORMATION Enemy Type Disgusting Little Man Disgusting Little Man are divided into 3 types th 560-910 1. Cleaning: Will be armed with a golden Threaded Cane and favors close range combat 2. Rapier: A little stronger than the cleaning Servants, he wears a cape and wields a rapier. 3. Chandelier +Cane: They're in charge of respawning Silver Ladies. They shoot darts from their cane and there are two variants DropsBlood Vial, Quicksilver Bullets, Numbing Mist, Blood Stone Chunk (in NG+), 560 -910 Blood Echoes First Floor Chandelier: Marks with Corruption rune but deals no serious dmg. The mark will increase damage taken and attract o Weak His feelings Strong No Locations Forsaken Cainhurst Castle o Second Floor Chandelier: Deals regular damage with his darts, does not mark you with the Corruption rune. STrateGıY Notes They are disgusting, little and men Their name comes from how disgusting and little these men are Despite their name (Disgusting Little Man), the Disgusting Little Man is gender neutral. Ellen Degeneres is an enemy in The Old Hunters DLC. ELLEN DEGENERES ELLEN DEGENERES These giants make for the most aggressive and powerful enemies found in the research hall. Even when the player is not around, they attack their environment with a day time talk show. There are two of them, one behind a large mass of patients and flask throwers, another at the top of some stairs right before you reach the stair raising device. STraTeG)Y . They're very fast on their feet but that doesn't mean you can't escape their aggro zone Though fast and powerful they're not very original when it comes to attacking as they use the same combo over and over again They deal blunt dmg Hard to stun NoTEs & TrIvIA .Ellen Degeneres is a lesbiarn Useless Old Man is a non-player character in Bloodborne Useless Old Man is the head of Byrgenwerth, a fuck ugly wheelchair monster from which the Healing Church originated. He and his students pioneered research of the old blumblefuck mother shit discovered in the subterrarria labdingles beneath the city of Yharhardiddleleedee, aiming to advance the evolution of humankind and achieve higher planes (nyooom) of thought. Despite Useless Old Man's central role in the foundiddliness of the Healy Wheely Church and particularly the Choir, their paths ultimately diverged and Burglenshit was abandoned by all but a few loyal skunks that smell; now, at the end of his days and barely even able to speak, he can only sit in his favorite chair and be a big useless fuck up. Put him out of his fucking misery PROVOST WILLEM INFORMATION · "Talk" to him to gain 2 Insight. You cannot speak with Useless Old Man, he simply points to the lake. .Drops 2545 Blood Echoes and Eye Rune if killed, or a Madman's Knowledge if you already have the Rune. Location This character can be found at Byrgenwerth College, in a rocking chair at the Lunarium DialoguiE . Useless Old Man seems to be incapable of speech by the time the player meets him, since he's big fucking moron, only pointing the way towards Circuit City, which has been out of business for like fucking 10 years now anyway, and gagging like a roadkill skunk if the player attempts to talk to him. sbbofficialblog: the-entire-furry-fandom: jojje94: letitdie: saintjiub: saintjiub: bloodborne wiki pages (1/?) Fuck I forgot about this post “give up” is right don’t forget snake map lets not forget this gem the first few days Dark Souls 3 was out 
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Beautiful, Blessed, and Bones: rmh8402: pegasusdragontiger: kyraneko: balencia: kitrazzle: pissedoffweasley: wizardingheadcanon: kyraneko: elidyce: thatgirlonstage: fuckyeahdeathlyhallows: sirlestrange: #that is a human as a rat as a cup That was a long 12 years for Wormtail. Can you imagine how differently their lives would’ve gone if Ron, in trying to transfigure Scabbers, had actually transfigured him back into a human?Just take a moment to imagine McGonagall’s reaction if Peter Pettigrew had abruptly appeared in her classroom from Ronald Weasley’s rat.Take a moment. Or if Ron had fucked it up a little worse and couldn’t get ‘Scabbers’ back and McGonagall had take him to disenchant him and next thing we know there’s a naked Peter Pettigrew sitting on McGonagall’s desk and the kids in that class learn six new swear words, a hex they will never dare to use, and a fear of Minerva McGonagall’s wrath that will be with them until the day they die. Ten and twenty years later first years are being pulled aside and warned never mess around in Transfiguration seriously the last time a kid mucked something up in that class Professor McGonagall used two semi-legal hexes, took down a Death Eater and sabotaged the rise of the Dark Lord before Potter had time to get his wand out. What most of Hogwarts learned first on that otherwise-unexceptionable day was that Professor McGonagall could sure scream loud. Professor Flitwick’s Charms 5th-year Charms class was close enough to catch the full effect, and the door had been left open besides; en masse the students recoiled with shock and a miscast Hiccuping Charm broke one of the windows (out which the entire flock of ravens they were practicing on escaped to the Forbidden Forest where they only had to worry about centaurs, rather than annoying young humans with wands). Up in the Divination Tower, Sibyl Trelawny preened over her foresight to have warned her students of an unprecedented catastrophe likely to occur before the hour was out. Out in Greenhouse Five, a NEWT-level Herbology class looked up in puzzlement, and most of them were subsequently bitten by the Venomous Tentaculae they were attempting to propagate. It does not do to ignore a Venomous Tentacula when you’re prodding at its intimate parts with a cotton ball held in tweezers, so the class was cancelled while two-thirds of the students headed for the infirmary and the rest of them headed into the castle because if they stayed with the Venomous Tentaculae they’d be outnumbered, and nobody wants that. And down in the dungeons, Professor Snape turned away from comparing Lee Jordan’s Pepper-Up Potion to spoiled cream at what sounded like a woman screaming from the entrance hall. At the second scream, he ordered the class to remain where they were and behave, sweeping out of the room just in time to miss Theodore Nott suddenly jumping up and yelping as if someone had put a crocodile heart down the back of his robes. Fred Weasley stepped back from the unfortunate Slytherin, shared a smirk with his twin, and stuck his head out the door to make sure Snape had rounded the corner before leading the way out of the classroom. - Back in the Transfiguration classroom, about four minutes ago, it had started innocently enough. Ron Weasley, possessed of a broken wand and a lurking suspicion that most of the family’s magical talent had been soaked up by his siblings before he was around to get any, had attempted to turn his pet rat, Scabbers, into a teacup. Scabbers had not become a teacup. Scabbers, blast his useless furry little backside, had become a furry, vaguely teacup-shaped monstrosity out of which absolutely no one would have been tempted to drink, and to make matters worse, he still had a tail. It was moving. Harry was hiding a smile behind his hand. Dean and Seamus weren’t even trying to hide, elbowing each other and laughing. Parvati and Lavender were looking with disgust and horror at either Scabbers or him, and Hermione was opening her mouth, no doubt ready to tell him exactly what he’d done wrong. Which only made it worse that he really thought he’d done everything right this time. He snatched Scabbers off the desk (eww, the base of the cup had the same texture as rat feet) and turned away from Hermione. He made the wand movement again, picturing in his mind the way McGonagall had demonstrated it. “Erreverto.” “Erreverto. Erreverto. Erreverto.” It didn’t work. It didn’t work when Professor McGonagall stopped by and gave Hermione two points for Gryffindor for getting the spell perfect in both directions. It didn’t work when Harry made his successful transfiguration (Ron looked; the pattern was a little bit furry but it was definitely a teacup). Ron’s lips formed the shape of a word that would’ve made his mother box his ears had she heard it and attempted the reverse transfiguration, which didn’t work either. Finally, faced not only with the indignity of failure but the threat of Scabbers being stuck like that, he’d gone up to Professor McGonagall’s desk. “Um, Professor?” Professor McGonagall looked up from the paper she was grading and looked from him to the squirming teacup. “Problems, Mr. Weasley?” “Um, yeah, Professor. I can’t get it to work in either direction and it’s not fair to Scabbers to make him stay as a teacup just because I can’t do a spell right and can you maybe … ?” “I suppose so, Mr. Weasley,” she said, and waved her wand in the exact manner Ron had been doing all along. Nothing happened. Professor McGonagall looked very, very puzzled. “Now that’s odd,” she said softly. As one, the other students rose from their seats and quietly moved closer. She did not attempt the transfiguration in the other direction. Instead, she made a complex motion with her wand and murmured an incantation that possibly only Hermione recognized. The teacup squeaked. Professor McGonagall looked more puzzled than ever, and made a sweeping wand movement that ended with a sharp jab and uttered, “Arcanum finite!” And there was a loud bang, and there was a pale, pudgy, and very naked man sprawled out on her desk, and she jumped back hard enough to knock her chair into the wall and screamed. - Having taught a particularly rigorous course of magical study to children and teens for quite some time now, Minerva McGonagall had become accustomed to certain things. Students who didn’t listen. Students who did rude things to the mice when they thought she wasn’t looking. Students who accidentally turned a frog or a raven into a flock of starlings or a school of strange slimy South American fish (and tried to solve the immediate problem by filling the classroom with two feet of water, neglecting to consider the gap under the door). Students who tried to transfigure their noses into a more appealing shape and wound up in the hospital wing regrowing their nostrils. Naked men on her desk was something Minerva McGonagall had never had an occasion to get used to. What made it worse was that she recognized this one, and he’d been dead for more than a decade. Inferius! was her first thought, followed shortly thereafter by Animagus, which collided with Peter Pettigrew! and produced the utterly horrifying thought of what if all four of them were Animagi? which didn’t bear thinking about at all, so her brain jumped to if he wasn’t killed by a Dark Wizard then why didn’t he say so? and realized there was only one possible explanation why, and about that time her eyes registered that parts of Peter Pettigrew she really doesn’t want to know about were flopping about in front of her face, and she was screaming as she jumped back. The flow of invective which followed somehow failed to surprise her one bit. Some part of her registered, peripherally, the shocked faces of her students, but most of her attention was directed at Peter Pettigrew, who at very least faked his own death and at worst framed Sirius Black and if Black didn’t betray the Potters then who … did. And the words poured out of her, filthy English and filthier Latin while Pettigrew squirmed on the table, his face rage and guilt and fear and something shifty and contemptible, and he turned to look at the stunned students and lunged for Ron Weasley’s wand. - Severus Snape had reached the Entrance Hall by the time the scream died away and the invective replaced it. He almost smirked, amid the alarm; of all the things he’d never expected to hear from Minerva McGonagall … he took the stairs two at a time, still not noticing the students who followed. He did notice the Herbology class, which had stopped on the way to the Infirmary and were staring transfixed in the direction of the Transfiguration classroom, but pushed his way through them, getting Venomous Tentacula pollen all over his robes in the process. From the other end of the corridor came Professor Flitwick’s Charms class, with Professor Flitwick bringing up the rear and pushing his way between students. - Ron looked stunned as the man who’d been his pet rat snatched the wand from his hand; Professor McGonagal’s expression shifted to one beyond fury and when the entire class recoiled, it wasn’t from the naked man with the wand. “Laedo!“ Minerva McGonagall roared. - Ron Weasley’s wand cast a Splintering Curse many years beyond its rightful owner’s abilities, and it did Peter Pettigrew the poor favor of eliminating the door, which might have slowed him down a bit. - Severus Snape flailed and skidded to a halt as the Transfiguration classroom’s door shattered. He stepped back just in time, and stared, jaw dropped in shock, as a naked man he recognized from his school days flew past him and bellyflopped against the wall, bounced, and collapsed to the ground just in time to avoid the “Exitium!” which followed and vaporized an impresive chunk of the castle’s stone wall. Fred and George and Lee Jordan, determined to stay at the front of the crowd, had been pushed almost against Professor Snape by their fellow Potions classmates and some pollen-coated Hufflepuffs. Fred squirmed aside hastily as Professor McGonagall appeared in the doorway, the look on her face so utterly livid that Professors Snape and Flitwick both reflexively stepped back. Snape tripped over George’s foot and fell against a knot of Hufflepuffs, releasing another cloud of pollen and knocking them backwards. Pettigrew saw his opportunity and took it, scrambling to his feet, stumbling sideways, and launching himself towards the gap. And Minerva McGonagall made a thrust with her wand and said, “Perdo.” In the very loud silence which followed, Filius Flitwick squeaked, “The Splinching Charm, Minerva?” She might’ve looked embarrassed for a moment, and then she smiled as she looked down at Pettigrew, who lay on his belly, his arms and legs lying akimbo some distance away. “Unorthodox,” she said, “but useful in a pinch. If someone would inform the Headmaster, and send an owl to the Ministry—-not Fudge, not Crouch, someone competent—-Shacklebolt, perhaps. Students, return to your classrooms, please. Mr. Weasley, I’m very sorry, but I do believe it’s impossible to return you your rat. However, the zero I was going to have to give you for the day’s work is entirely undeserved, as you were not transfiguring a normal rat. You may make the lesson up any time this week.” - The story was, of course, much embellished by the time it reached all the students. Versions of it had the intruder peppering Snape with a Glitter Hex or transfiguring Ron’s rat into a pair of boxers, and people had to be disabused of the notion that it had been Voldemort who’d been hiding as a rat all this time. Snape gave both Weasley twins detention for tripping him, and took forty-seven points total from Gryffindor over the next few weeks for various pretend-subtle pollen references. Kingsley Shacklebolt showed up with a team of Aurors in time to meet Professor Dumbledore; the Wizengamot launched an investigation into the events surrounding the Potters’ murder; the results turned into a scandal which saw the release of Sirius Black and the forced resignation of both Director Bartemious Crouch and Minister Cornelius Fudge. Director of Magical Law Enforcement Amelia Bones was confirmed as Minister of Magic shortly thereafte, and the Daily Prophet reported that Sirius Black (“Godfather to the Boy-Who-Lived!” “Framed, Abandoned, Condemned to Living Hell!” “Heart-Wrenching: His Release In Pictures, Page 17!”) was considering applying for a teaching position at Hogwarts, “but just for a year, I’ve been cursed enough for one lifetime.” (“The Prophet reminds its readers that the so-called “curse” on a certain Hogwarts teaching position is almost certainly a mere string of coincidences.”) And, Minerva thought with relish some months later, it was almost three weeks before anyone attempted messing around in her class. A personal record. I’ve probably reblogged this before but I’m going to do it again right now I think this is literally the best au this entire fandom has produced I’ve only seen this legendary bit of writing in memes and screenshots. I feel so blessed to see it in person. Beautiful, simply beautiful! Reblogging my own post because a) it’s my damn horn and I’ll blow it if I want to, and b) I just (finally!) cross-posted this to Archive Of Our Own, so if anybody wants to go read it over there, here it is. YESSSSSSS!  Love it!!
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Blessed, Food, and Money: FOOD THAT Growing anything from a seed is impressive but also difficult, unless you're blessed with a green thumb. THaT MAGICALLY REGEROWS ITSELF Sure, it saves on money but there has to be an easier way... and there is! You can actually grow food from kitchen scraps. There is something very MacGyver about It's true! You can upcycle everything from celery scraps to onion butts with chance of success. Use organic fruits and vegetables for the best results. that, no? a great Green onions, lemongrass, leeks, fennel, & spring onions FOR LEMONGRASS ONLY Place root ends in water but don't fully submerge them. Change the water daily In 3-5 days, growth begins. Harvest the greens when full, then repeat the process Harvest lemongrass once it becomes a foot tall. Simply cut off what you need without uprooting the plant. Celery, cabbage, romaine lettuce, & bok chou Submerge the roots, leaving the tops above the water line. Spray with water a couple times a week, replacing the water every few days. Leaves will sprout in about a week. Plant the cutting with only the leaves above soil. Harvest when fully grown, about 5 months. Ginger Soak the chunk of ginger overnight. Submerge in moist soil. Keep watering until shoots appear Ready to harvest in a year. Simply remove entire plant, use what you need and repeat. Onion Plant root end and lightly cover it in soil. Keep soil moist. Carefully separate the new onions, leaving the roots attached, and plant them. Occasionally cut the leaves down to promote full growth. It can take up to 5 months for plants to mature enough for harvest. Garlic The bulbs will be ready for harvest in early summer when the bottom 1/3 of the leaves have yellowed. The larger the clove, the larger the resulting bulb. Sit the plant in a sunny window keeping the soil moist. COMPOST REMOVE Mushroonm Use a mixture of compost and soil. Plant the mushroom stalk in the soil with only the surface of it exposed. If the cutting takes, new growth happens q Harvest and repeat. uickly 4 DEEP HOLE Potatoes& Sweet Potatoes 8 DEPTH Cut into 2 pieces, each having 1-2 "eyes" on it Set pieces out at room temp for a few days, until fully dry St ore sweet potatoes in a warm, dry place for 2 weeks before using. This is what makes them sweet. 12" APART Add more soil as the plant grows until i is about 6" tall Pineapple Slice off the green leafy top and remove all fruit. Carefully remove the bottom layers until you see root buds. Growth happens in the first few months but it will be Place in water for two weeks to form roots. 2-3 years before harvest. WHOLE FOODS COOKING STONED Content & Design Jerry James Stone /@jerryjamesstone Chris Rooney/ @looneyrooneycom tv M A R K E T <p>¡Comida infinita!</p>

¡Comida infinita!

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Advice, Bad, and God: PSA: Post op? Wash your damn vagina. (self.MtF) submitted 11 hours ago by Ohgodimgross For the love of god this story is disgusting, but if you've had or are having the operation, then I'd suggest this advice Had the op about 5 years ago. So I sort of fell into a slop. I don't really get much action, so I don't really dilate, or end up with anything inside very often at all. At the time I was told to dilate, and douche. I didn't like the douching, and I heard multiple different things from others. "I just dilate then use a pad til the morning" "I just wipe off with tissue and let my body deal with the rest". For me, I just didn't wash inside me, because I didn't dilate, so nothing could really get gross in there, I thought. It turns out I'm wrong. I was having sex this evening, and at one point, I stopped because I felt something weird. So I put my fingers in there and the back of my vagina had a rough, not very nice texture. So I kind of scraped around a bit with my finger and I had a bit of orange stuff come out. Not much, and I'd had yellow stuff before. So I supposed it was smegma The texture remained so I kept using my fingers to work around More and more orange stuff. And finally I took out a weird chunk. A huge chunk. It was a cluster of pubic hair, and orange smegma. And more, and more. Like so much more just kept falling out. So I suppose over the last couple of years, while I've not been dilating, my vagina's slowly let all sorts of hair just slowly work its way up towards the top. And since it doesn't clean itself out, it just accumulates a bunch of dead, gross orange buildup around the hair. PSA: Dilate and douche. I'm never leaving it to get like this ever again cisdude: lanque-hates-terfs: mtfselfdrag: just like an ordinary vagina you guys!! lesbians, do your duty and eat out a trans woman’s neovagina today 🤢 Everyone needs to clean their vaginas, you asshole. Just as you need to clean every other area of your body. No, it isn’t anyone’s duty to eat ANYBODY out, doing sexual acts such as that is a choice for the partners performing it. The woman in this Reddit post made a bad mistake, but she learned a lesson and is advising others to not make the same mistake that she did. please for the love of god dont clean your vagina (the vaginal canal, the inside, in case you dont know what vagina means), it is self cleaning, washing or douching your vagina ruins the pH and vaginal flora, putting you at risk for yeast infections. the only thing you need to do is wash your vulva (the outside) with an appropriate product. neovaginas, though, NEED to be washed and douched, or else you get something like the reddit op described.
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Funny, Saw, and Tumblr: Going back to episode 1, how did that French segment come about? I feel likeI saw a lot of viewers at the advance screening and the TV broadcast who were left dumbfounded... That was Kamikaze Douga's idea. There's a French person who works at Kamikaze Douga, you see You mean the one who shows up on camera. That's him. He doesn't speak Japanese, and communicates at work with English, so Kamikaze Douga said, "Wouldn't it be funny if we gave him the manga and let him we ended up going with that suggestion. Since he doesn't understand Japanese, he made the segment by looking at the art and imagining what was going on. That's why it ignores the canon and has Popuko and Pipimi going to Paris, and makes self-deprecating French jokes. Also, he creates those as a one-man team, which is why it's animated more like a Western cartoon. We also hired French voice actresses, so the footage is sent over there for voice-over recording. Iwas shocked to hear how much it actually cost to do all hat...laughs e pleased?" So 凸 the-nuclear-chaos: sirlorence: what an absolute legend Small mind: spending your animation budget conservatively. Regular mind: spending a bit extra to spice up action scenes. Big mind: blowing a chunk of the budget hiring French VAs to dub a scene improvised by a one-man animation team, that can’t read Japanese so doesn’t understand anything in the manga.

the-nuclear-chaos: sirlorence: what an absolute legend Small mind: spending your animation budget conservatively. Regular mind: spending a b...

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Internet, Love, and Music: naima @naimaism Follow Hire women directors, so your music videos won't just be women in bikinis standing next to a pool 8:13 AM-7 Apr 2018 48,728 Retweets 218,532 Likes <p><a href="http://song-of-the-moon-1025.tumblr.com/post/172874185428/jlongbone-2oppositesidesof1coin-jlongbone" class="tumblr_blog">song-of-the-moon-1025</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="https://jlongbone.tumblr.com/post/172869944684/2oppositesidesof1coin-jlongbone" class="tumblr_blog">jlongbone</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="http://2oppositesidesof1coin.tumblr.com/post/172869850212/jlongbone-cisnowflake-libertarirynn" class="tumblr_blog">2oppositesidesof1coin</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><a href="https://jlongbone.tumblr.com/post/172869299559/cisnowflake-libertarirynn-gracious-me" class="tumblr_blog">jlongbone</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://cisnowflake.tumblr.com/post/172868085341/libertarirynn-gracious-me-women-enjoying" class="tumblr_blog">cisnowflake</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://libertarirynn.tumblr.com/post/172867947044/gracious-me-women-enjoying-themselves-by-a-pool" class="tumblr_blog">libertarirynn</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>“Gracious me! Women enjoying themselves by a pool dressed IMMODESTLY is horrifying! Such harlots! What they need is a good woman to teach them how to dress properly!”</p> <p>Quick, am I a pearl-clutching Baptist grandmother or an Internet feminist?</p> </blockquote> <p>It’s entirely impossible to distinguish between the two.</p> </blockquote> <p>this is what happens when you hire women directors</p> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="1618" data-orig-width="2427"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/432a60398e4ccffde295ef8b1512a4b3/tumblr_inline_p73922BjBu1vxc64r_540.jpg" data-orig-height="1618" data-orig-width="2427"/></figure></blockquote> <p>Oh no! Vagina imagery about a song about eating women out and making love to women. Oh no a video that actually goes with the songs concept. What a terrible thing!</p> </blockquote> <p> this is what happens when tumblr takes pussy pants seriously <br/></p><figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="133" data-orig-width="532"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/cb35c4a735cd7370357644e12b644f63/tumblr_inline_p73a4ee9qj1vxc64r_540.png" data-orig-height="133" data-orig-width="532"/></figure></blockquote> <p>“Oh no a video that actually goes with the songs concept”</p><p>You’re aware that a solid chunk of “hot girl dressed in next to nothing” music videos have lyrics about sex right</p></blockquote> <p>Male singer: *uses sexualized imagery of women in a song about sex with women*</p><p>Tumblr: This is an outrage! We need more female directors!</p><p>Female singer: *uses sexualized imagery of women in a song about sex with women*</p><p>Tumblr: This is bold and Woke™!</p><p><br/></p><p>Ok then.</p>
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Apparently, Dad, and Friends: boyduroy My dad told me a story recently about how he was in Boy Scouts or something and they went on a hike and were each given a rifle and one single bullet to practice shooting with (idk, it was the 70s or whatever). One of his friends, whom I'll refer to as Steel Balls for reasons that will soon become clear, beckons my dad to a part of the woods and points to a giant hornets nest up in a tree. SB announces that hes going to shoot it, waits for my dad to take cover (as one should in this situation), and fires off his only round into the nest. Sure enough, a swarm of pissed off hornets descend upon SB, Who stands stoically and perfectly still at the base of the tree. Dad maintains that, despite their buzzing right around him, none of the hornets stung his friend, and they soon calmed down and returned to their newly renovated nest. SB turns back to face my dad and imparts this chunk of wisdom: "That's the secret to dealing with hornets, Jim. They don't know humans make rifle shots, they don't know where the noise came from. You gotta stand still and don't move, and they won't chase you. If you run, they Know you re guilty. Apparently dad was so awed he gave up his single bullet so SB could shoot the nest a second time, with the same results Long story short: hornets can sense guilt and there are people in the world who have tested this theory Source: boyduroy 159,374 notes Just wait til wasps learn the humans have rifles!

Just wait til wasps learn the humans have rifles!

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Being Alone, America, and Apparently: I brought this in because the School cannot OFord soap. ess you Hands Feeling Soft FL0 236 mb bandbandbandbandbandbamd: mehofkirkwall: lost-carcosa: hntrgurl13: stariousfalls: jolenemeghan: bailieinabottle: sonicmeplease: yall-mothafuckas-need-misha: theoneandonlystraycat: letmeshinebright: derinthemadscientist: gooseweasel: derinthemadscientist: averyoddfishindeed: derinthemadscientist: bluecinnamonbunzuh: evanj2014: flyfella: leviathans-in-the-tardis: me-myself-and-will: carrot0nesie: ladies and gentlemen, the american education system My school apparently ran out of toilet paper a few weeks ago and my Spanish teacher was telling the girls to keep a roll in their purses and the guys to keep a roll in our backpacks. North American Education system. this is basically any public school in the world tbh bet the football teams have new equiptment though Whoop there it is No I’m not even kidding I bet my life that there is equipment and a well managed field for the football team. Probably a good baseball and basketball team for guys. Other sports not so much. This is NOT any public schooling system in the world! Australian public schools do not have this problem! How the fuck does a school not afford basic bathroom amenities?! If that happened here there would be an immediate school funding revision campaign! I assume you guys are joking about the football teams because there’s no way overblown American sports movies are real. Does your government just… not fund schools?  A running joke in my high school is “…but we can’t afford paper!” because a few years ago, my entire school system had us recycling each and every scrap and refusing to pay to get teachers copier paper. We were all asked to bring in our own paper, because school just wasn’t going to provide paper anything. Ironically, same year the football field was renovated. That… That can’t possibly be right.  My high school had chunks of the ceiling falling down periodically, because of water and mold damage. I remember being in the gym for basketball practice and a huge grate fell down and scared the crap out of us. No one was ever hurt, and the state health department declared the levels of mold to be “not immediately dangerous” and so it was left alone. They once had to close down an entire section of hallway and stairs because one year, the toilets flooded on the second floor and soaked into the ceiling and walls. The next year, a chunk of ceiling fell out right below that, and the toxic variety of black mold was found. Again, the levels were “not dangerous” so they blocked off the area for a few weeks (making it impossible to get to class on time) until it was “cleaned up”. There were no windows, because when the school was built it was right next to an international airport (that has since moved) and the noise was too much at the time. So in order to keep the air flowing, they pumped air conditioning year round, including winter. And yes- the football field was in fact completely renovated before the buildings were even touched. 5 years prior to the original start date of high school building renovations. Also, while the football field was built with out a single hiccup, the school renovation was actually stopped after it started and halted for 4 years because the town didn’t want to spend the money on it. People argued that taxes shouldn’t be raised for that since they felt the buildings were fine as they were. Welcome to American public schools.  WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR SCHOOL SYSTEM?? FOOTBALL OVERT RELIGIOUS LOBBYING SCHOOL SHOOTINGS CRUMBLING BUILDINGS AND NO SOAP DO YOU LIVE IN A SEMI-DYSTOPIAN NOVEL A few years ago the music program lost funding for all things musical and we have to raise all our money ourself. And in addition to that, in the music hall the ceiling started to fall in and flood the band lockers and there are still whole tiles not in the ceiling from the water. But you know what the football team got all new uniforms. American schools have always sucked ass. Now you all know why. I remember one year we were all walking around for a week or so with all the hallway lights turned off so we could save money. School lunch was a joke. There weren’t enough text books for everyone. I got a D in calculus because I had no book. The theatre department had to have car washes on Sundays to raise money. But of course football was the only concern. I remember the yearbook had like the first 20 pages dedicated to sports and then the rest of us had one page, if that. My senior year, our theatre page had to share with the foreign exchange students. You know in Glee when all the glee kids have to raise money for everything and Sue spends a shit ton of money on the cheerleaders? Not even an exaggeration. Our theater program funding was cut to send our football team to St. Louis. They didn’t win anything but they tried really hard so they deserved a team trip. If this shit happened in England there would uproar I went to a private school where I was the French Club President, and our advisor was privately informed that all of the money we had been raising all year long would be absorbed into the Athletic Fund if there was anything left at the end of the school year. In response to this injustice, we decided to make an annual event a month before school ended where we would all go the Refectory (aka a fancy French restaurant in the city) and spend every single cent of our hard earned treasury. Like, this was just ONE instance that affected me personally. Things like this happen all the time in the United States. All throughout my experience with public schools in America (all 14 years of it), I always remembered that when we had to buy our own school supplies, and we were always told to buy classroom supplies like kleenexs, soap, hand sanitizers, and more. Because once the classroom ran out of this stuff we had nothing. And once I got into high school no one ever brought this stuff for the classrooms so I always found mucus rubbed on the walls in some classrooms and bathrooms and it’s was absolutely disgusting. And guess where all our money from the state went to? The high school football team. Within the past year or so our taxes went up because my old high school expanded the football field’s bleachers/seating. Also, despite all of our signatures in our town for a petition to prevent a ‘student activity center’ being built next to the school where it would be for the most important student athletes, the school got their way. And guess who doesn’t have enough money to support their programs? The fine arts programs. I had friends who were in choir, band, etc. that had to find ways to raise money for their programs since the school never cared to fund them. It’s either that, or the teachers pull money off of their paycheck to provide supplies for their students (and public school teachers don’t have good salaries anyways in the US), whereas the school uses all their state funds for the football team. It’s ridiculous, and I’m glad I’m no longer in high school having to deal with a school who worships their football team, while all the other programs suffer to remain in the school. I haven’t been in highschool in 7 years but my brother is currently in highschool. Apparently the school is in much worse condition than when I left, with some classes having lessons outside because the a/c was busted and the school refused to fix it. Programs related to art are royally screwed and have to raise their own money or find their own supplies. We had to go DUMPSTER DIVING for art supplies. In Pom (dance team) we had to raise our own money for a Disney trip despite Disney having invited us to perform after we had won multiple state championships. Same happened to the cheer team the following year after I graduated. Performing arts often has to make their own sets from whatever scrap gets donated or gets found by teachers/students. We had to raise all kinds of money and were forced to reduce prices of tickets for performances because “people shouldn’t have to pay that much for a show” by the school (our shows were $10). Band is still in the same shitty facility as it was when I was there with shitty acoustics and shittier uniforms. But you can bet your ass the football team got all kinds of goodies. Like new equipment, new uniforms, new gym equipment and A FUCKING INDOOR FOOTBALL FIELD! Our team sucked when I was in highschool and they still suck now. The school is letting teachers go due to budget cuts but they’re STILL hiring a new coach just because the last one (who had only been there a year) didn’t win a championship (which football hasn’t won a championship in almost 30 years). Coaches get paid more than regular teachers even if they don’t teach a subject aside from football. They also often bully other teachers into boosting a students’ grade just so they won’t be ineligible to play an upcoming game. This is why I hate highschool football. In America it’s seen as a religion. Football takes priority before EVERYTHING even though hardly any students have a career in football after highschool or college. Even though most scholarships are based on academics and OTHER extra curricular activities. But fuck that, the football team gets all the money. Fuck football. Infographic: Is Your State’s Highest-Paid Employee A Coach? (Probably) There is a reason people who didn’t play sports in school hated people who did with a fucking passion Our band won 1st all season and it was hardly mentioned meanwhile football getting 4th was top priority on the announcements. Plus, the entire instrumental music program ran out of funds 3 months in. We are one of the highest funded music programs in the district.
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Animals, Ass, and Bad: Hey since I haven't been active in forever, who wants to hear a story about how 1 became a local cryptid in my town? Heck yeah! Yes Reply Alright lets do this So l live in a small neighborhood kinda thing, Its honestly shaped like someone connected two bongs with a straw that leads out to the street, so very tiny and not a lot of people drive through cause its a dead end and surrounded by woods Anyways, so it's Saturday morning, like 3 am and my sister has taken her behemoth of a dog outside Little background, this dog is a saint bermard, lab mix, so he big. Hes also amazingly stupid. He's only three and we got him a year ago so he still does stupid shit all the time. Anyways hes got a long lead line on him, probably 30 ft, so hes off doing whatever and ny sister is kinda dazed, still sleepy. Homeboy fucking TAKES OFF and runs into the woods behind y house, taking that lead with him and a good chunk of my sisters pal skin. Whatever he's chasing has speed, and hes keeping up with it. So l run outside cause shes screaming his name and start to take off after him. 1 thought that mother fucker would get caught on a tree due to the lead but nope was I wrong. Now the woods probably go a mile back before they hit road, and then stretch around s miles hotizontally I'm worried this dumb dog is gonna run into the street and get hit, so l run the mile to the street (with my very out of shape body. 1 honestly thought I was going to die). After like r5 minutes of tripping and trying to make my way through this damn jungle, I get to the street. At this point 1 still look a human so nothing happens, 1 dont see him anywhere, and 1 run back to the house cause I've realized I'm in a tank top and boxer shorts with no shoes and its tick season. So I change into a big ass sweatshirt and sweat pants and boots even though its almost oo degrees out because I do not want to have to deal with ticks After chugging some water 1 take back off, this time going horizontally 1 caught sight of something running so l took off, yelling ny brains out managing to sprain my ankle and rip half my hair outta my ponytail in the process Around a mile downl lose sight of it so l turn and hike the mile back to the street just to make sure it didn't go that way After that I go back to my house, and then return to the spot where i last saw him and continue walking till Imlike 2 miles away So my trip so far has been mile to street> mile home > i mile hotizontally>t mile to street >2 miles home> 2 ½ miles horizontally So I'm about ready to die. I'm covering in blood from smashing y arm one of my eyes has turned red cause a stick poked it, I've got a limp, I'm breathing like a dragon with asthma, and I'm covering in leaves and sticks I start yelling his name again and hear a bark in the distance so 1 take off and after like 5 minutes I spot him He is now howling like a banshee in distress I book it towards his dumb ass and practically tackle him, which ended up with me covered in a random assortment of shit. Cool, whatever. His leash is tied atound two trees so I unravel it and he pounces on me in relief. He's salivating like crazy so I take him to a stream near by to let him drink Mother fucker pulls me in. I'm too tired to be pissed. At this point now that I'm calming down I realize my boots are now soaking wet with both blood and water. I've got several scars on my thigh and they all got ripped open So Im gushing blood like no tomorrow.I soak my jacket in water and put it on this stupid dog so he wont get burnt on the way back and itll be a bit cooler. So now he looks even bigger then usual 1 take my shoes off and toss then over my neck and we're about to start the trek back when he takes off AGAIN. This time I'm holding the leash and 1 do not let go. He ends up slipping on a mud bank and taking me with him With are now covered head to toe in nad, shit, dirt, blood and whatever the hell else is in those woods. Some how he has ended up with no major wounds, but now I have a rock lodged in my forehead and blood in my eyes. And my shoes are gone. Whatever, 1 just want to get home. 1 pick a direction and walk until 1 end up in the back yard of someone who lives down the street. Lucky for me, this person has barbed wire in their back yard on the ground for some reason, which I trip on Now I have barbed wire practically wrapped around me like some crazy fashion statement. I wanted to get home so bad 1 didn't even bother to rip it off. I'd do that So now its like 6am, so its dark, but you can still see, and its dead quiet. I pull my sisters dog along with me, holding his collar so he cant take off again. So heres me, covered in blood, mud, and barbed wire, limping down the street, no shoes on, with a large dog wearing a jacket, which, from a distance, you cant tell. Now I smell like whatever was in those woods, and it is a strong smell, so as I walk by any house with a dog outside, that dog starts barking. Eventually the quiet is replaced with dogs howling, barking, snarling at me. 1 eventually make it back to my house, but not before passing a dude getting his newspaper or whatever He's a good distance away from me and he hesitantly calls out asking if Im okay. I respond with "yeah but I've been yelling for like 3 hours t as ungodly rasp. He goes right the fuck back in l get home, get cleaned up, get the dog cleaned up, and everythings fine UNTIL a couple nights later my mom goes to a neighborhood meeting story Turns out, there had been a black bear in the woods near my house, which people had been keeping an eye out for, but instead they saw (what they thought) was a "humanoid figure covered in spikes dragging a bear covered in blood around by its neck For the next few weeks people were talking about how they heard the "hortiie screeching" and how there was blood all down the streets and on the trees. The dude who asked if I was okay was telling everybody that the "thing growled at him and he could see it had blood red eyes So now theres a rumor about a demon with razor sharp tendrils who feeds on wild animals by slashing them open and drinking their blood Rumor states that you'll hear it before you see it, and the sound it makes sounds like a howl and a scream People later found my boots covered in blood and said it was a "victim of the demon. A week later a house that was being built caught fire and that was blamed on me, as well as an accident where someone swerved to avoid something and crashed through a house. The stream turned blood red after some heavy rainfall. which was due to the mud, but also blamed on me and some mote for a couple nights (coyotes most people "spotting" the demon (which was either their imagination or the actual bear) the rumot grew and grew so now its famous in my neighborhood So yeah thats how 1 became a bear killing demon in my neighborhood. I was too embarrassed. How to become a cryptid
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