๐Ÿ”ฅ Popular | Latest

Being Alone, Bodies , and Fire: KIC STA 10 Here's a salutary lesson for anyone who uses Original Source mint and tea tree shower gel for the first time. It's pretty strong stuff. How strong? THIS strong. I Know, I Need To Stop Talking Yesterday at 2:35am Um, Original Source.. can we talk? I'd like to take you back to around 6.45am this morning, when I stepped into my bath, and found that my usual, rather innocuous bottle of shower gel (Waitrose essentials, Rose) had run out. A tad irritating, but fortuitously, I had a solution close to hand. A brand new, unopened bottle of your very own Mint and Tea Tree Shower Gel. My bodily cleanliness was assured once more. I breathed a sigh of relief I took the Mint and Tea Tree Shower Gel and began to work it into a lather I applied it to first one leg, then the other, and shaved them diligently (Yes, feel free to be impressed at my commitment to body defoliation at 6.45am on a Wednesday morning. I was too.) So far, so good. I washed my arms and shaved underneath them. I washed my neck, breasts, stomach and back. Thus far, it had been a positively first class bathing experience. And then. AND THEN. Oh. Dear, God. MY VAGINA WAS ABLAZE "MY FUCKING FLAPS!!!!" For a moment, I wasn't entirely sure what had happened. Had I repeated the never to be forgotten error when I managed to apply hair removal cream which was strictly not for front bottoms to my front bottom? Had a stray spark inadvertently set light to my pubic thatch? BECAUSE IT FUCKING FELT LIKE IT Yes, Original Source, your innocuous looking green bottle of so called shower gel, it turns out, is an absolute fucking liability. MY FLAPS WERE ON FUCKING FIRE. I had a quick look at the ingredients list to see if it contained gasoline. It did not. There was a warning though. 'KEEP AWAY FROM EYES. Keep away from eyes? KEEP AWAY FROM EYES? Franky my eyes were the least of my problems right now. I frantically scrubbed my flaps, which by now felt as though they were being ceremoniously scrubbed by ants wearing ice skates laced with chilli sauce. 7,929 tingling leaves' claimed the front of the bottle. Tingling? TINGLING? This wasn't tingling my minge. It was starting a fucking bush fire down there. (Pun entirely intended. You can thank me later.) Some twelve hours later, my front bottom has finally calmed down, though may well be suffering from as yet unconfirmed PTSD. My eyes have eventually stopped watering. And so, in the interests of public safety, I thought I would pen you this missive. May I suggest a rebranding of the front of your bottles of Mint and Tea Tree Shower Gel? Something along the lines of the following: 7,927 tingling leaves which will accost your genitalia until it screams for mercy If nothing else, it will certainly stand out on the shelf Anyways, thanks for brightening up my morning. And my front bottom, which has never been so lively Kisses, IKINTST xxx She's not the alone one to have had such an experience. Mary E Sparrow We have a bottle of this and I made the same mistake! And then to add fuel to the fire, shaved my delicate area! My husband and our son also made the mistake of applying it to their bobby danglers and let's just say their golden balls shot back up inside their bodies and didn't come out again for days!!! So we feel your pain and reading this I cried laughing, partly in mirth and partly discomfort at the memory Wendy Tinsley I'm assuming its a similar sensation to when your dick of a Husband replaces the andrex bum wipes with flash lemon fresh wipes... Was like my minnie has been dipped Fiona Neale I used this on my little boy when he was tiny, didn't think about the effects. As soon as I had scrubbed him clean he announced that his winky had pins and needles'. He sat for an hour with a cold flannel on him and still likes to remind me of his trauma Of couse there must be someone like it Kirren Gumbo Summers I find it quite refreshing, V especially if used to clean your ring, it's like having a midget that's eaten extra strong mints, blow on your rusty bullet hole all day- most welcome in the midst of summer Womanโ€™s hilarious โ€˜flaps on fireโ€™ rant goes viral after using Original Source mint shower gel
Save
Apparently, Computers, and Memes: Anonymous 12/23/13(Mon)10:04:04 UTC-5 No.522930202 Tell me about it went to the store on Thursday >bought a half gallon jar of pickles love me some pickles >eat one as soon as I get home tastes goodman bat so good l decide l'll have a few more >walk back to my computer and start to work but the urge is not sated >not by a long shot come back to life-giving pickle jar several more time >eat several pickles each time after an hour the jar is empty >400% of my daily sodium never tasted so good thirty minutes later l hear a churning in my stomach not a light rumbling, sounds like the noise an old tub makes when you suddenly pull the drain initiate sprint to bathroom mode barely get my ass on the toilet as a fucking waterfall emerges from my asshole never in my life have relief and horror been such close bedfellows after about ten seconds of continuous flow it subsides to a trickle and stops toilet water is green and smells like vinegar >body didn't even try to digest that shit clean up and go back to computer thinking "thank god that's over" >Not. Even. Close. five minutes later the rumbling is back >even louder this time sprint to bathroom, lather, rinse, repeat this happens five more fucking times s finally all gone stomach is concave; l have never had less food inside my body completely cleaned out >cue rumble >sit on toilet but it's different this time >l KNOW there's nothing in there >shit out a tiny amount of liquid, immediately feel better "well I guess there was just a tiny bit left, that wasn't so ba- >all at once the burning fire of a thousand young suns sets upon my anal sphincter >l had just shat out pure stomach acid frantically wipe at my ass to prevent it from melting away like the spaceship floor in Alien >craw in shower, turn cold water on full blast, and lie prone while gently sobbing eventually towel off and crawl exhausted into bed at 3:00 in the afternoon sleep for fourteen hours In retrospect, it was all totally worth it I love me some pickles. the pickle pooper also I apparently already posted the goalie one??? so oop
Save