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d-d-dangerous: fieldbears: end0skeletal: Collected from the Egyptian desert in March of 1846, the Helix desertorum specimen was sent to the British Museum, where scientists thought it had expired in transit. It was glued to a cardboard display card shortly after. One day four years later, curators noticed something strange about their catatonic mollusk: the shell seemed to have moved from its glued position and a trail of discoloration followed it. Archivists removed it from the card to give it a bath, with a suspicion the snail might have in fact been slumbering. After just a few minutes of exposure to moisture, the snail’s head poked from its shell and surveyed its new home with four eye stalks. As the snail adjusted to active life again, it became a minor celebrity and sat for a portrait by the museum’s zoological artist for inclusion in a book on mollusks, seen below: (Source) Reblogging the immortal snail again Taking a four year nap is big mood rn : SNAIL WAKES UP AFTER 5 YEARS OF BEING GLUED TO A MUSEUM CARD d-d-dangerous: fieldbears: end0skeletal: Collected from the Egyptian desert in March of 1846, the Helix desertorum specimen was sent to the British Museum, where scientists thought it had expired in transit. It was glued to a cardboard display card shortly after. One day four years later, curators noticed something strange about their catatonic mollusk: the shell seemed to have moved from its glued position and a trail of discoloration followed it. Archivists removed it from the card to give it a bath, with a suspicion the snail might have in fact been slumbering. After just a few minutes of exposure to moisture, the snail’s head poked from its shell and surveyed its new home with four eye stalks. As the snail adjusted to active life again, it became a minor celebrity and sat for a portrait by the museum’s zoological artist for inclusion in a book on mollusks, seen below: (Source) Reblogging the immortal snail again Taking a four year nap is big mood rn

d-d-dangerous: fieldbears: end0skeletal: Collected from the Egyptian desert in March of 1846, the Helix desertorum specimen was sen...

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Lies parents told their kids: When I was little my Dad told me that toys grew under the weeds in the yard and if I pulled them, eventually a toy would pop out. And I believed it for a long time. Ahh, the memories. Lo Like Reply 68 August 14 at 1:10pm via mobile I convinced my little sister that if she pressed the "Diet" button on the top of her plastic McDonald's cup lid, it would actually change her soda to diet. Hahahah she cried every time I did it. Unlike Reply 106 August 14 at 1:10pm via mobile When my sister and I were little, we thought eucalyptus trees were actually called "you could lick this tree" so when we'd see them, we'd lick them. Like . Reply-Δ86 . August 14 at 1:10pm via mobile My dad, a 2-3 pot a day coffee drinker, had me convinced at age 7 that you had to be 16 to buy and drink coffee. My first time at Starbucks when I was 16 i was so nervous because I thought they would card me! Lol. Like Reply 456 August 14 at 1:40pm via mobile My kids are convinced that they have a long lost brother somewhere that I dropped off because he was too loud in the car. I am sure they will figure it out but for the time being our road trips are very quiet and peaceful. Like . Reply-222. August 14 at 1:28pm via mobile I've always been pretty fascinated with space. When I was a little girl, my dad would take his ladder and put it on our lawn every night, and bring me outside to tell me he put the moon up for me. I believed him for years. He passed away a few years ago, and every night when I see the moon I think of him. Like Reply 3115 August 14 at 3:14pm via mobile what-the-hells-going-on: amroyounes: Lies we tell our kids. Found this from the postsecret blog THEYRE ALL CUTE AND FUNNY UNTIL YOU GET TO THE LAST ONE AND THEN YOU ARE ASSAULTED BY FEELINGS Reinvented by Woahtumblr for iFunny :) ifunny.mobi Lies parents told their kids

Lies parents told their kids

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Pizza for Strange People: An Incomplete List of Notable Peoplel Delivered Pizza To... tybaar It's coming up on a year now since I got my curent job as a pizza delivery girl, and I thought this would be a good time to delve into the lttle ever- expanding WTFPIZZA note I keep on my cell that helps me remember some of my more, uh -interesting deliveries So without further ado and in no particular order, here's some pizza customers who left a lasting impression on me thus far A bearded man who answered the door and periodically spat blood into a crusted Harley-Davidson coffee mug while counting out his cash. A woman who slipped me a business card (in ieu of tip) for a laser tatto0 removal clinic, explaining In case you want to bring your mutilated skin back to how God intended it to be. At least three Batmans so far, but only one who did the voice. - An elderly Spanish woman who meekly presented me with a (rather classy) pead-handled .32 snub nosed revolver and asked if I knew how to load it (I do) and also, #1 could load it for her (I didnt). -A group of EMTs hanging out in the back of an ambulance at a recently extinguished (but still smouldering) house fire. -A man with a thick Alabama accent who admonished me for standing in front of his mailbox while I waited for him to answer the door. He then explained how this was a federal offense because I was "obstructing the mal system and demanded my social security number so he could report me to the proper authorties A group of young teenage girls (like 14-16) who begged me to buy a case of Bud Light (ew why) and bring it back to them. - A hotel room full of badass middie-aged women all dressed as Professor McGonagall from the Hamy Potter films, who were also completely wasted on Jello shots. They kept encouraging me to stay and party with them. A 20-something dude who answered the door with an unsheathed katana dangling through a belt loop on his jeans. Multiple instances of people asking if# I would sell them pot. (bitch get your own dealer sheesh) A guy who slipped a twenty directly into my shirt because I apparently was the "spitting image" of his deceased daughter -A woman who admonished me for driving a Mazda, and wrote "get a real car in the tip portion of my credit receipt. A very drunk dude who gave me his iPhone and had me take a bunch of Myspace-esque pictures of the both of us. He did the duck lips thing in every shot Multiple prank deliveries joke's on you motherfucker, I get paid for the gas AND I eat the pizzas you ordered) - An elderty man who wrote FUCK OFF as his signature on a credit receipt - A thirty-something guy who begged to get his order for free because he works so hard. He visibly teared up and sniffled when I told him I couldnt do anything. A dudebro wearing a bath robe and socks+sandals (indoors) who straight up wordlessly yanked the pizzas out of my hands without paying and shut the door. Multiple knockings were of no avail -A woman who angrily demanded to see my ID because she refused to believe my claims that I'm female. She proceeded to snatch my drivers icense out of my hand, run back into her house and show it to her children while pointing back at me. A kid no older than 14 who desperately tried to convince me to play WoW on the free custom server he was playing on. (But it has double - A guy who spent the entire time I was there digging a (impressively large) booger out of his nose. He proceeded to smear it on, thankfully, HIS copy of the receipt. An on-duty cop who flagged me down by intercepting me on the road before I got to the police station and pulling me over to get his pizza. -A drill instructor looking-guy who filled out his entire credit card receipt, specifically wrote 0.00 in the tip portion, then proceeded to write out a check for seventy-eight cents and handed it to me. It said pizza tip" in the For section A furious lady who yelled at me for a solid five minutes (1 kept track) al about how long it took for her delivery to get to her. She then tipped me an extra ten bucks on a six dolar order. I dunno. - An incredibly stoned teenager trying and failing to look sober. When I complimented his Adventure Time wallet (which was super cute) and asked where he got it, he immediately looked temified, sat down on the floor and muttered 1... I don't know... - Obligatory naked man with unimpressive penis - A chick at a house party who answered the door and immediately tuned to vomit into her mailbox A surly Korean mom with an amazing shoulder tattoo of a baby giving birth to a fullgrown woman - A man who lived in one of those mini-mansions inside a gated community, who sported a seemingly massive collection of what appeared to be solid glass spheres of varying size and color. I only got a quick glance in his house but there had to be hundreds of them in display racks, tables, shelves- everywhere. - A group of 20-something guys who challenged me to sing the original Pokemon theme song, which I did. And perfectly, I may add. A completely iced-out musclebound gangster kid who was blaring Regina Spektor so loud and with so much bass I actually couldnt hear anything he was saying. An elderty guy who deadpan asked me if I knew anyone who could score him holowpoint bulets. - An adorable older lesbian couple who were mortified that they didnt have any extra money for a tip, so they gave me a big sack of pistachios nstead. It took me three weeks to finish the bag this was so worth reading Souroe: tybaar story time his is. 219,895 notes realy cool actualy Pizza for Strange People
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thatonequeerkid: stealthboy: stealthboy: i love everything about this screenshot. i love the comedic composition of it. the original message sent at 4:11 AM. the typos. the yeehaw. the lack of response from anyone else in the chat. White Castle and then, in perfect grammar and syntax, one hour and 23 minutes later, the realization of the mistake. the regret. the folly of man i showed aujah this and she’s informed me that the event that triggered the second text was her accidentally ringing up a customer for 275 cheese sticks and the guy was also too high to notice until he had almost swiped his card and stopped and said “wait.” Dude the kicker of this post is that she’s an employee : Today 4:11 AM Aujah Hey birches I'm smoking double blunts at white castle yeeee hAw Today 5:34 AM Aujah A Guys I'm too higlh Text Message thatonequeerkid: stealthboy: stealthboy: i love everything about this screenshot. i love the comedic composition of it. the original message sent at 4:11 AM. the typos. the yeehaw. the lack of response from anyone else in the chat. White Castle and then, in perfect grammar and syntax, one hour and 23 minutes later, the realization of the mistake. the regret. the folly of man i showed aujah this and she’s informed me that the event that triggered the second text was her accidentally ringing up a customer for 275 cheese sticks and the guy was also too high to notice until he had almost swiped his card and stopped and said “wait.” Dude the kicker of this post is that she’s an employee
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