🔥 Popular | Latest

Crying, Dad, and Fall: Big Body Benz @ ItsMissBre So I love Valentine's Day for other reasons My daddy (well step-dad, but daddy in my heart) Him and my mom's first Valentine's Day, she could not find a sitter. He wanted to do something really nice for her because she always had us (LOL). He planned this extravagant dinner 4:18 AM 12 Feb 19 Twitter Web Client 5,501 Retweets 19.4K Likes Big Body Benz ItsMissBre 1d at a fancy restaurant, gave her money for an outfit, got her hair done, etc... all for her sitter to fall though. So at the time, I was like 8, my sister and brother were 7 and 5. My mom was so bummed. I remember her crying and saying he should date someone who is able 220 1,555 Big Body Benz ltsMissBre 1d go places and do things, and maybe not Someone with three kids. He didn't even flinch. He made paper invitations for us (the kids) and told us we were invited to a fancy dinner party. He told us to put on our best outfits and he would call us when it was time to come downstairs 2 221 1,937 Big Body Benz a ItsMissBre 1d So, he asked my mom to still get dressed for the date. He went out, got takeout from the nice place for all of us and we had a Valentine's Date all together at the dining room table. I will never forget that. I felt so special. We all got flowers and cards, my brother got th 254 3,417 Big Body Benz ItsMissBre 1d a toy car LOL. When we came down the stairs, he introduced us and said something about our outfits like it was a fashion show Man. That shit stuck with me for years.I loved it. I felt so loved and I know my mom did too 32 7 3,952 Big Body Benz_ItsMissBre 1d I'm glad y'all enjoyed that! I have a podcast where I y'all about motherhood from the black perspective @MamaMeetsPod check it out! tl 1011,320 4 Big Body Benz_ItsMissBre 1d Also, 20+ years later, here is my daddy with my son that I named after hinm 101ロ321 8,774 Heart-warming Valentine’s story
Save
Crying, Dad, and Dank: Big Body Benz @ItsMissBre So I love Valentine's Day for other reasons My daddy (well step-dad, but daddy in my heart) Him and my mom's first Valentine's Day, she could not find a sitter. He wanted to do something really nice for her because she always had us (LOL). He planned this extravagant dinner 4:18 AM 12 Feb 19 Twitter Web Client 5,501 Retweets 19.4K Likes Big Body Benz ItsMissBre 1d at a fancy restaurant, gave her money for an outfit, got her hair done, etc... all for her sitter to fall though. So at the time, I was like 8, my sister and brother were 7 and 5. My mom was so bummed. I remember her crying and saying he should date someone who is able t 220 1,555 Big Body Benz ItsMissBre 1d go places and do things, and maybe not Someone with three kids. He didn't even flinch. He made paper invitations for us (the kids) and told us we were invited to a fancy dinner party. He told us to put on our best outfits and he would call us when it was time to come downstairs 2 t 221 1,937 Big Body Benz ItsMissBre 1d So, he asked my mom to still get dressed for the date. He went out, got takeout from the nice place for all of us and we had a Valentine's Date all together at the dining room table. I will never forget that. I felt so special. We all got flowers and cards, my brother got t 254 3,417 Big Body Benz@_ItsMissBre 1d a toy car LOL. When we came down the stairs, he introduced us and said something about our outfits like it was a fashion show Man. That shit stuck with me for years. I loved it. I felt so loved and I know my mom did too t 247 3,952 Big Body Benz_ItsMissBre 1d I'm glad y'all enjoyed that! I have a podcast where I y'all about motherhood from the black perspective @MamaMeetsPod check it out! 4 ta 101 1 1,320 Big Body Benz_ItsMissBre 1d Also, 20+ years later, here is my daddy with my son that I named after hinm 9101 321 8,774 MFW I realize Im really not a King: 😟 by xero_art MORE MEMES
Save
Crying, Dad, and Fall: Big Body Benz @ItsMissBre So I love Valentine's Day for other reasons My daddy (well step-dad, but daddy in my heart) Him and my mom's first Valentine's Day, she could not find a sitter. He wanted to do something really nice for her because she always had us (LOL). He planned this extravagant dinner 4:18 AM 12 Feb 19 Twitter Web Client 5,501 Retweets 19.4K Likes Big Body Benz ItsMissBre 1d at a fancy restaurant, gave her money for an outfit, got her hair done, etc... all for her sitter to fall though. So at the time, I was like 8, my sister and brother were 7 and 5. My mom was so bummed. I remember her crying and saying he should date someone who is able t 220 1,555 Big Body Benz ItsMissBre 1d go places and do things, and maybe not Someone with three kids. He didn't even flinch. He made paper invitations for us (the kids) and told us we were invited to a fancy dinner party. He told us to put on our best outfits and he would call us when it was time to come downstairs 2 t 221 1,937 Big Body Benz ItsMissBre 1d So, he asked my mom to still get dressed for the date. He went out, got takeout from the nice place for all of us and we had a Valentine's Date all together at the dining room table. I will never forget that. I felt so special. We all got flowers and cards, my brother got t 254 3,417 Big Body Benz@_ItsMissBre 1d a toy car LOL. When we came down the stairs, he introduced us and said something about our outfits like it was a fashion show Man. That shit stuck with me for years. I loved it. I felt so loved and I know my mom did too t 247 3,952 Big Body Benz_ItsMissBre 1d I'm glad y'all enjoyed that! I have a podcast where I y'all about motherhood from the black perspective @MamaMeetsPod check it out! 4 ta 101 1 1,320 Big Body Benz_ItsMissBre 1d Also, 20+ years later, here is my daddy with my son that I named after hinm 9101 321 8,774 MFW I realize Im really not a King: 😟
Save
Dicks, Fire, and Memes: TBT - SSG Corey Calkins Ladies and gentlemen, gather round the campfire as we light up your field day celebrations with a celebration of our own. That’s right, it’s time to throw this thing back to February 2010. A simpler time, a time before David Petraeus locked his knees at a senate hearing, and back when you could still tinkle on dead Taliban. omgtakemebackkkk⠀ ⠀ Today we’re talking about every Marine from 6th Reggie’s favorite little town in Afghanistan’s Helmand Province. marjahmarjahmarjah⠀ ⠀ What many of you may not know, however, is that them Gyrenes weren’t the only ones with their dicks in the dirt giving Terry the ol’ whatfor. Case in point, the subject of today’s OAF TBT; Staff Sgt Corey Calkins aka CashMoneyCorey⠀ ⠀ While serving as a weapons sergeant for ODA 3121, Cake Crushin’ Calkins was part of the coalition push through Marjah. On 18 February 2010, he led an assault of ANA troops against a platoon-sized element of Taliban fuckbois at a key intersection near the bazaar in Marjah. While under intense small arms, RPG, and mortar fire, Corey the Cockslapper charged the enemy position like a robust lesbian hopped up on Jack Daniels in a domestic dispute; inspiring his ANA troops to follow and overwhelm the Taliban position. TakeTheirShoes⠀ ⠀ After locking down the intersection and surrounding positions, Corey continued to fuck Terry six ways to Sunday by voluntarily continuing to drive the man-titty-havin’ soyboys out of smalls arms and RPG range so three critically wounded Marines could be evacuated. He aggressively pursued the enemy hotter than the homies in Tekashi 69’s cell block are pursuing his butthole. LemmeTugOnYoDickALilWhile⠀ ⠀ For his actions that day, SSG Calkins was awarded the Distinguished Service Cross and earned himself a lifetime supply of bummed cigs, fat pinches of dip, and near-beers from every Marine in the Ghan. ThereGoesMyHero ⠀ ⠀
Save
Funny, Love, and Parents: Reese St Dearing St Waddell St Tree That Owns Itself Write a review The Tree That Owns Itself is a white oak tree, widely assumed to have legal ownership of itself and of all land within eight feet of its base Wikipedia Address: South Finley Street, Athens, GA 30605, United States Reviews 4.3 ★★★★ナ6Google reviews otteroftheworld My parents live in this town and the city legally can't tear the tree down to build or anything because the tree has its own legal rights and they can't do anything about it. vnicent how does. how does this happen. how DID this happen giraffepoliceforce I love this story because this guy in the early 1800's had so many great childhood memories of this tree and wanted to make sure it was protected no matter what. So he deeded the ownership of the tree to itself and everyone just went with it. Then in 1942 this intense windstorm came and knocked the tree over. And people were bummed. But someone had saved an acorn from the original tree, so they planted that and now Son of the Tree That Owns Itself is over 50 feet tall And since this new tree is technically the offspring of the original tree it's considered to have legally inherited the plot of land it's inhabiting Two generations of trees owning land is amazing and if you don't think this is the coolest thing get right out of my face. Trees have rights too! Great read if you have the time via /r/funny https://ift.tt/2xDsk21

Trees have rights too! Great read if you have the time via /r/funny https://ift.tt/2xDsk21

Save
Apparently, Clothes, and Creepy: probablyhistoricalrpgideas bumblesee hamtastrophe it's sometimes hard to believe rasputin was real. like there's no non-fucked up part of rasputin's existence rollinbylimpbizkit did he do something problematic i thought he was just russia's greatest love machine the-itchy-bitchy-spider basic (true) story: fanatical russian monk who has almost never shaved or washed and smells like goats shows up at the russian capital with a creepy look on his beardy face and everyone just assumes he's a prophet or a saint because he's got a cult following that believes he can cure illnesses. his stans are sexually obsessed with him and he gets just a fuckton of russian pussy wherever he goes cause apparently he can cure his true believers of illness with god-given dick magic. russia's queen has him come stay at the palace and sets him up in luxury because she thinks he can cure her son's haemophilia with the power of russian goat jesus, and they (allegedly) become lovers, probably, 'cause she craves that unwashed goat-scented dick like the rest of his cult which she now (allegedly) belongs to then the worst assassins in the history of assassinations try to assassinate him, ause queen he has too much power over the royal family and it's helping revolutionaries tunn people against the royals. so these idiots have him round for tea and cakes which are poisoned with cyanide, but he-is-magieally unaf and he doesn't die, and then he drinks three glasses of wine, which are also poisoned, and he doesn't die, so they tell him to look at a cru- cifix and shoot him in the chest with a revolver when he isn't looking, and he doesn't die, but they think he's dead so one of them dresses in his clothes and gets driven to his apartment to make it look like he's gone home to hide the crime, and when they come back he gets up and attacks them, so they stab him in the side with a knife, and he doesn't die, and then he frees himself and runs outside, so they shoot him a few times more, including in the fore- head, and they wrap his body up and chuck him in the icy river, and he doesn't go into the water, so his body is found on the ice the next day. and get this he died.... of hypothermia they get the dose wrong tyrannosaurus-rex additionally, everyone who wasnt in the party of getting rid of rasputin was pretty bummed out when they found him and his miracle dick dead the next day and there was a pretty bangin funeral of which the royal family themselves attended. however after the tsar was overthrown a few month later they exhumed his body and burned it because the new leadership was very adamant about making sure there were no ties left to honor the old monarchy. however this dudes body had never been properly prepped for a cremation which meant that under the extreme heat his tendons and ligaments began to retract and shrink causing his dead body to move and twitch around as if still animate. according to some testimony his body actually sat up straight on the pyre, and at least one spectator fired a gun at the body and another may have allegedly died of shock. watercolor-gryphon Rasputin was an old god from times before humans mad-duck He is like a cleric gone wild godlessondheimite "did rasputin do something problematic" i am going to die Source: hamtastrophe 177,175 notes Russias Greatest Love Machine
Save
Apparently, Clothes, and Creepy: hamtastrophe it's sometimes hard to believe rasputin was real. like theres no non-fucked up part of rasputin's existence rollinbylimpbizkit did he do something problematic i thought he was just russia's greatest love machine the-itchy-bitchy-spider basic (true) story: fanatical russian monlk who has almost never shaved or washed and smells like goats shos up at the russian capital with a creepy look on his beardy face and everyone just assumes he's a prophet or a saint because he's got a cult following that believes he can cure illnesses. his stans are sexually obsessed with him and he gets just a fuckton of russian pussy wherever he goes cause apparently he can cure his true believers of illness with god-given dick magic. russia's queen has him come stay at the palace and sets him up in luxury because she thinks he can cure her son's haemophilia with the power of russian goat jesus, and they (allegedly) become lovers, probably, 'cause she craves that unwashed goat-scented dick like the rest of his cult which she now (allegedly) belongs to. then the worst assassins in the history of assassinations try to assassinate him, ause queen he has too much power over the royal family and it's helping revolutionaries turn people against the royals. so these idiots have him round for tea and cakes which are poisoned with cyanide, but he is-magieally unaffeeted-by peisen they get the dose wrong and he doesn't die, and then he drinks three glasses of wine, which are also poisoned, and he doesn't die, so they tell him to look at a cru- cifix and shoot him in the chest with a revolver when he isn't looking, and he doesn't die, but they think he's dead so one of them dresses in his clothes and gets driven to his apartment to make it look like he's gone home to hide the crime, and when they come back he gets up and attacks them, so they stab him in the side with a knife, and he doesn't die, and then he frees himself and runs outside, so they shoot him a few times more, including in the fore head, and they wrap his body up and chuck him in the icy river, and he doesn't go into the water, so his body is found on the ice the next day. and get this.. he died.. of hypothermia. tyrannosaurus-rex additionally, everyone who wasnt in the party of getting rid of rasputin was pretty bummed out when they found him and his miracle dick dead the next day and there was a pretty bangin funeral of which the royal family themselves attended. however the tsar was overthrown a few month later after exhumed his body and burned it because the new leadership was very adamant about making sure there were no ties left to honor the old monarchy. however this dudes body had never been properly prepped for a cremation which meant that under the extreme heat his tendons and ligaments began to retract and shrink causing his dead body to move and twitch around as if still animate. according to some testimony his body actually sat up straight on the pyre, and at least one spectator fired a gun at the body and another may have allegedly died of shock. watercolor-gryphon Rasputin was an old god from times before humans mad-duck He is like a cleric gone wild unnatural-twenty Calling Rasputin a cleric is bard erasure, the dude seduced a monarch and then proceeded to pull off like 5 Nat 20's in a row. That's the most true to life bardic thing l've ever heard Source: hamtastrophe Rasputin
Save