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Alive, Beard, and Children: feniczoroark: minority-cubed: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. oh my god these are great fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates I can feel the frustration
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Bones, Cats, and Dogs: Excerpts from a Dog's Diary... 8:00 am- Dog food! My favorite thing! 9.30 am- A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am- A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am- Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 12:00 PM- Lunch! My favorite thing! 1:00 PM Played in the yard! My favorite thing! 3:00 PM-Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! 5:00 PM- Milk bones! My favorite thing! 7:00 PM Got to play ball! My favorite thing 8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing! 11:00 PM -Sleeping on the bed! M y favorite thing Excerpts from a Cat's Diary? Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a good little hunter'I am. Bastards. There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking, I must try this again tomorrow-but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cel, so he is safe. For now THE META PICTURE srsfunny: Dog Diary Vs. Cat Diary
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Af, Apple, and Church: an entomologist rates ant emojis Apple Beautful big almand eye, realistic and fuil of espression as she gazes gently at you. Ebowed antennze and delicately segmented legs and body. Gorgeous pearascent shean lke slhe is glowing This ant moisturizes. This ant is round and huggable. This ant is a star 11/10 Google Beautfully detailed, elike pose but with an unexpecled neck and odd antennae, perhaps scared straight. Her eyes sugpest she has seen things. Her eepression confirms she has seen too much, Sha is haunted and I want to know more7/10 Microsoft Floppy antens pointy muppet fsc, oddy posed legs. What is she? She has no waist. May be she ls some kind of bee in doguise? l ind her unsetting 3/10 This ant has an unexplained, double jointed thorax, and no evidence of a ist Her four-looled pose suggests that she s centaur rather than an ant ants would be re what was iniended here. 2/10 WhatsApp Good rst impression, kind of bland in the details. This ant has no parscular waist to speak of, floppy rather han ebowed anlennae, and an inexpressive face. Her color scheme is soft and hazy. Iike the sharp angles of her styishly sophisticated laga. This ant may not know quie were she is going, but she knows how she is geting there.6/10 Twitter Were you even trying 0/10 Facebook Gasp This ant is elegant. This ant has a beauttul tapered thorax, a segmented abdomen, alert, ebowed antennae, and a ight-looled pose. This ant's face supgests ouriosity and a desire to explore the world. This ant nspires me. I want to be ike her 10/10 EmojiOne 3-legged. waistless centaurant with strange, linp antennae and a beak. I囟n't know what this is kind af reminds me of & Hork-Bair 1/0, not n ant emojidex This ant... makes me sad. All of her legs are broken The MS Paint art style and gradent abuse cowey distress. She has a duck beak Despie his, her expresnon suggests perseveranoe and determined deertless י want this ant to have a better Iite.I am rooting for her. 3/10 Messenger This ant is a bold and challenging mbture of photorealism and caricature. She is broad and low-bull and seerns very sturdy. She looks like sh๑ would help you mave. This ant is a dependable friend. 9/10 LG A picture of an ant from a children's book. She is wearing Ittle boots. This ant is wrong irevery way, and yet I can't stay mad齜her. T/10 HTC An interesing, op-down view of an ant, her legs are postioned with sighdy iamng symmetry Nevertheless, her overal impresson that of a gracett stylzed design, lke a piciograph. She is sutable for adorning fine garments and jewelry ar parhaps gracing the wals of a Sny ant church 1ike this Mozilla This is a Sermile-1010 An entomologist rates the ant emojis

An entomologist rates the ant emojis

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Af, Apple, and Church: an entomologist rates ant emojis Apple Beautful big almand eye, realistic and fuil of espression as she gazes gently at you. Ebowed antennze and delicately segmented legs and body. Gorgeous pearascent shean lke slhe is glowing This ant moisturizes. This ant is round and huggable. This ant is a star 11/10 Google Beautfully detailed, elike pose but with an unexpecled neck and odd antennae, perhaps scared straight. Her eyes sugpest she has seen things. Her eepression confirms she has seen too much, Sha is haunted and I want to know more7/10 Microsoft Floppy antens pointy muppet fsc, oddy posed legs. What is she? She has no waist. May be she ls some kind of bee in doguise? l ind her unsetting 3/10 This ant has an unexplained, double jointed thorax, and no evidence of a ist Her four-looled pose suggests that she s centaur rather than an ant ants would be re what was iniended here. 2/10 WhatsApp Good rst impression, kind of bland in the details. This ant has no parscular waist to speak of, floppy rather han ebowed anlennae, and an inexpressive face. Her color scheme is soft and hazy. Iike the sharp angles of her styishly sophisticated laga. This ant may not know quie were she is going, but she knows how she is geting there.6/10 Twitter Were you even trying 0/10 Facebook Gasp This ant is elegant. This ant has a beauttul tapered thorax, a segmented abdomen, alert, ebowed antennae, and a ight-looled pose. This ant's face supgests ouriosity and a desire to explore the world. This ant nspires me. I want to be ike her 10/10 EmojiOne 3-legged. waistless centaurant with strange, linp antennae and a beak. I囟n't know what this is kind af reminds me of & Hork-Bair 1/0, not n ant emojidex This ant... makes me sad. All of her legs are broken The MS Paint art style and gradent abuse cowey distress. She has a duck beak Despie his, her expresnon suggests perseveranoe and determined deertless י want this ant to have a better Iite.I am rooting for her. 3/10 Messenger This ant is a bold and challenging mbture of photorealism and caricature. She is broad and low-bull and seerns very sturdy. She looks like sh๑ would help you mave. This ant is a dependable friend. 9/10 LG A picture of an ant from a children's book. She is wearing Ittle boots. This ant is wrong irevery way, and yet I can't stay mad齜her. T/10 HTC An interesing, op-down view of an ant, her legs are postioned with sighdy iamng symmetry Nevertheless, her overal impresson that of a gracett stylzed design, lke a piciograph. She is sutable for adorning fine garments and jewelry ar parhaps gracing the wals of a Sny ant church 1ike this Mozilla This is a Sermile-1010 An entomologist rates the ant emojis via /r/funny https://ift.tt/2AJ9ifk

An entomologist rates the ant emojis via /r/funny https://ift.tt/2AJ9ifk

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Alive, Beard, and Children: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. oh my god these are great fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes
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Being Alone, Cookies, and Facebook: PRIVACY POUCY WEVE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POUCY THIS 15 PUREY OUT OF THE GOODNES6 OF OUR HEARTS, AND HAS NOTHING To DO WITH ANY HYPOTHETICAL UNIONS ON AY PARTICULAR CONTİNENTS PEASE READ EVERY PART OF THISPoUCY CARERULY AND DONT JUST 5KIP AHEAD LOOKING FOR SEX SCENES. THIS POLICY GOVERNS YOUR INTERACTIONS WTH THIS UEBSITE,HEREIN REFERRED TO AS "THE SERVMICE" THE WEBSITE" "THE INTERNET" OR "FACEBOOK, AND WTH ALL OTHER UEBSITES AND ORGANIZATONS OF ANY KIND. THE ENUMERATION IN THIS POLICY, OF CERTAIN RIGHTS, SHALL NOT BE CONSTRUED TO DENY OR DISPARAGE OTHERS RETAINED BY THE USERS. BY USING THIS SERVMCE, YOU OPT IN TO QUARTERING TROOPS IN YOUR HOME. YOUR PERSONAL INFORMATION PLEASE DONT SEND US YOUR PERSONAL İNFORMATİON, WE DO NOT WANT YOUR PERS0NAL INFORMATION. WE HAVE A HARD ENOUGH TIME KEEPING TRACK OF OUR OLM/ PERSONAL INFORMATION, LET ALONE YOURS FYOU TELL US YOUR NAME, OR ANY IDENTIFYING INFORMATİON,WE WILL FORGET IT MMEDIATELY THE NEXT TiME WE SEE YOU WELL STRUGGLE TO REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE, AND TRY DESPERATELY TO GET THROUGH THE CONVERSATİON SO WE CAN GO ONLINE AND HOPEFULLY FIGURE IT OUT TRACKING PIXELS, COOKIES, AND BEACONS THIS WEB5ITE PLACES PIXELS ON YOUR SCREEN IN ORDER TO FORM TEX AND IMAGES, 50ME OF WHICH MAY REMAIN IN YOUR MMEMORY AFTER YOU aosE THE PAGE·WE USE COOKIES TO ENHANCE YOUR PERFORMANCE. OUR WEBSITE MPY USE LOCAL STORAGE ON YOUR DEVICE IF WE RUN LOW ON SPACE ON OUR END WE MAY USE BEACONS To CALL ROHAN FOR AID. 3RD PARTY EXTENSIONS THIS SERVICE MAY UTUZE 3RD PARTY EXTENSIONS IN ORDER TO PLAY THE SONG OwUFE 1T FROM THEIR DEBUT ALBUM ALME PERMISSION FOR USERS WHO ARE CITIZENS OF THE EUROPEAN UNION, WE WILL NOW BE REQUESTING PERMISSION BEFORE INITİATİNG ORGAN HARVESTING, S AND LIMITATIONS THIS POLICY SUPERSEDES ANY APPUCACLE FEDERAL, STATE, AND LOCAL LAWS REGULATIONS AND ORDINANCES INTERNATİONAL TREATİES, AvDLEGAL AGREEMENTS THAT WOULD OTHERUISE APPLY. IF ANY PROVISION OF THIS POLICY IS FOUND BY A COURT TO BE UNENFORCEABLE, IT NEVERTHELESS REMAINS IN FORCE HIS ORGANIZATION IS NOT LIABLE AND THIS AGREEMENT SHALL NOT BE CONSTRUED THESE STATEMENTS HAVE NOT BEEN EVALUATED DY THE FDA. THIS WEBSITE IS INTENDED TO TREAT CURE, AND PREVENT ANY DISEASE. IF YOU KNOW ANYONE IN EUROPE, PLEASE TELL THEM WERE COOL. <p><a href="http://memehumor.net/post/174249564393/gdpr" class="tumblr_blog">memehumor</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>GDPR</p></blockquote>

memehumor: GDPR

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Alive, Beard, and Calvin Johnson: dail alexander Follow drucila616 How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy? ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, Ijust lie there ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at al WITNESS: Yes ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how I5 WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral.. ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? And last Stitch ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have stili been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law skrill-cosby oh my god these are great fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes Source 1,411,980 notes Witness v. Attorney: Dawn of Jokes
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Alive, Beard, and Children: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. oh my god these are great fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes
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Cartoon Network, Christmas, and Friday: CARTOON NETWORK SCHEDULE We were on the naughty list this year Teen Titans Go! NOT AIRING THIS WEEK LAST SEEN Teen Titans Go! Teen Titans Go! Night Begins to Shine Night Begins to Shine arence* Teen Titans Go! Night Begins to Shine May Septem y Knight a Teen Titans Go! Teen Titans Go! Teen Titans Go: Island THINGS OF NOTE show is confirmed to be ending KEY: Teen Titans Go! Teen Titans Go! Teen Titans Go! "B" on the NOT AIRING sidebar stands Teen Titans Go! Teen Titans Go! Teen Titans Go! Teen Titans Go! Teen Titans Go! Teen Titans Go! Teen Titans Go! Teen Titans Go! Teen Titans Go! Teen Titans Go! Teen Titans Go! cnschedulearchive.tumblr.com Sources: adultswim.com/adultswimdynsched and cn.sug.rocks (primary)/Zap2it (secondary) schedule from 2017 <p><a href="https://cnschedulearchive.tumblr.com/post/168642440055/as-much-as-id-like-to-claim-this-is-a-practical" class="tumblr_blog">cnschedulearchive</a>:</p><blockquote> <p>As much as I’d like to claim this is a practical joke, this is the ACTUAL CARTOON NETWORK SCHEDULE FOR <b>CHRISTMAS DAY </b>TO<b> NEW YEARS EVE.</b></p> <p>H-how?! This is a marathon of EVERY EPISODE (all 203) of <i>Teen Titans Go!</i> repeated 2.5 times in a row. Who asked for this? Who asked for “instead of a decent or just remotely tolerable Christmas schedule, maybe with some of those <a href="https://cnschedulearchive.tumblr.com/post/168612174975/lemme-tell-you-something-the-upcoming-christmas"><b>old specials we put on the app</b></a>, let’s just run a show we have already marathoned for almost every other major holiday or premiere this year for EIGHT DAYS??”</p> <p>I mean seriously, I’m just… shocked. This is seriously like, <a href="https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/133702618856816640/239881294710833163/unknown.png">a joke schedule I probably made to joke around on Discord once</a>. It even has the small bit of <i>Steven Universe</i>.</p> <p>Oh yeah, there’s <i>Steven Universe</i>. I hope you noticed that. I hope you noticed those TWO episodes it has, both being TV premieres (Sadie Killer, Kevin Party). 1 week before the <i>SU</i> half-hour special that will probably get super-hyped by CN. Those two episodes makes this schedule just even more absurd. The <i>TTG</i> marathon could have stopped that day. It could have stopped after <i>SU</i>. But nevertheless, it persisted.</p> <p>New Years Eve is the absolute stopping point for the marathon. <i>Unikitty!</i> premieres on the 1st and will start getting all the attention for a month at least. So there’s an end. But still. Eight. Fucking. Days. I don’t mean to curse on a blog about, well, Cartoon Network. But still. EIGHT. FUCKING. DAYS.</p> <p>I-I try to find silver linings in every terrible CN schedule. Like that one from <a href="https://cnschedulearchive.tumblr.com/post/163517491970/normally-i-wait-until-sunday-to-post-this-stuff">August</a>. “At least they’re giving <i>OK K.O.! </i>a lot of trust!” But… I don’t… think I can find a silver lining in this. <i>SU </i>is just aired because it was advertised so and that they need to air those episodes before “Lars of the Stars” and “Jungle Moon” the week after. So, here’s my attempt at a silver lining for this… you don’t need to watch this. You could be watching <a href="https://cnschedulearchive.tumblr.com/post/168612174975/lemme-tell-you-something-the-upcoming-christmas"><b>the holiday specials that CN posted on their app</b></a>. Make your own schedule out of that. I could watch “Hey Hey It’s Knishmas” all the doo-dah day if I wanted to.</p> <p>Yeah, I know. The silver lining is basically “don’t watch CN this week.” But, yeah. It’s got to the point where that’s my suggestion. Good luck trying to catch a Christmas special on Boomerang, btw. <b><a href="https://cnschedulearchive.tumblr.com/post/168612174975/lemme-tell-you-something-the-upcoming-christmas">Just the app or cable on demand.</a></b></p> <p>2017 has been one heck of a year for the network. You had two new shows! <i>Ben 10</i> and <i>OK K.O.!</i> First show is alright, second show is amazing! Then <i>Teen Titans</i> showed up! Then the original <i>Ben 10</i> showed up! Then <i>Regular Show</i> showed up after ending in January! Then <i>Ben 10</i> and <i>Regular Show</i> disappeared quickly. But that was expected. The bigger surprise is that <i>Teen Titans</i> is still on the lineup.</p> <p>But the schedule had problems. <i>Teen Titans Go!</i> marathons were getting longer. More frequent. More pointless. I thought there would be some nice stuff for Christmas. I thought the <a href="https://cnschedulearchive.tumblr.com/post/168612174975/lemme-tell-you-something-the-upcoming-christmas"><b>holiday specials they put on the CN app</b></a> were a good sign.</p> <p>I shouldn’t have hope.</p> <p>Merry Christmas!</p> <h2>Here’s what’s new that week:</h2> <ul><li> <i><b>Steven Universe</b></i> - Friday (12/29) at 7:30p</li></ul><h2>Top… 2:</h2> <ol><li> <i><b>Teen Titans Go!</b></i> - 384 - 99%</li> <li> <i><b>Steven Universe</b></i> - 2 - 1%</li> </ol><p>I don’t usually post schedules from over a week from now, but I just had to for this. I don’t think anything will change on the schedule. Maybe the order of which episodes air, but that doesn’t really matter. If there’s something more drastic, like, say, CN ending the marathon early for some surprise reason, I’ll be there to change the pic.<br/></p> </blockquote>
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