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Apparently, Head, and Parents: epochayur people that can swim underwater in chlorine pools with their eyes open are not to be trusted oonabashed This is true. I once did this to cheat at a pool game, and a kid in goggles saw me do it He wanted to know how, so l told him I was part mermaid. He wanted to call bullshit, but I was like, look kid, I can prove t, but you're not allowed to tell anyone under 18. He said what about his mom, I said, sure, but she won't believe you, so it didn't matter if he ratted on me to an adult. He was skeptical but agreed. For the next ten minutes I executed any number of water related feats-I've been swimming since I was 3 and was on the swimming and diving team in high school I crossed the entire span of the pool underwater without taking a breath. I sat on the bottom of the pool for a minute. I lifted him over my head while only treading water. I floated face down without moving for a convincing stretch of time. I did a pretty choice inward pike off the diving board. This was what really convinced him. He'd seen a dolphin show once, apparently, and thought it was pretty comparable So yeah. This kid was straight up convinced I was a mermaid and was losing his shit and trying to figure out how to get around his promise He went over to the hottub to tell all the parents and they all like, smiled and laughed and nodded. He could tell they didn't believe him. He came back and was like You were right about adults." Yeah kid, I know" "Well but, you're the most important discovery I've ever made! I gotta tell someonel" Well. You need to establish some credibility first, I told him. "You have to prove to people that you're a serious scientific thinker, and then when you say stuff like this, they might believe you. He thought about this for a second. "But what if you just showed them?" and I said it was against half memaid rules to show adults anything that could make them suspicious. He took this seriously He spent the rest of his time in the pool following me around. I taught him how to hold his breath underwater without plugging his nose and how to do a backstroke I'm still proud of this, and regret nothing o marky-mark-quack-quack-quack 698,054 notes 14 Times People On Tumblr Told Really Great Stories
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Alive, America, and Anaconda: can do it TO DO LIST corbinalexanderwealthguidance: CORBIN ALEXANDER WEALLTH GUIDANCE:  POSTED 05/06/2018 STARTING OUT FROM SCRATCH – POST #1 IN MY SERIES BUDGETING: 50/30/20/RULE: For the person already living life, this is an essential rule of thumb: -          50% to Needs:  utilities, rent, food, car insurance (never buy a car on credit/payments and be  required to pay collision coverage:  only buy a used, 3-8 year old, Honda/Kia/Toyota for the best value/bang for your buck), gas, clothes allowance, etc.  Essentials needed to live! -          20% to Savings Investment:   used to pay bank loans/student loans, monthly deposits into a retirement account and an investment account, credit card payments (pay off the entire balance each month and not just the minimum payment to avoid paying interest on interest = that’s what eats you alive causing you to NEVER pay off the balance(s)) and never buy stuff from Fingerhut/Rent-A-Center or the like…..the interest on this stuff is outrageous and you pay 3x-5x what the item is actually worth in the end – if you ever get to the end of the payments! -          30% to Wants:  vacations (limit one per year – do day trips for the other week taken on paid vacation benefits) and future “Wants” such as saving for a house:  if you need the monies in less than 5 years, then bank it – if you need the monies in over 8 years, then invest it; that is the industry rule of thumb when it comes to “Wants”. Two methods to keep you on track:  -          The spread sheet method:  this is where you track your budget in MS Excel.  -    The envelope method:  this is where you assign envelopes labeled by each expense.   EMERGECY FUND:   This where you have a bank savings account holding a minimum of six months of expenses to pay “all” your monthly bills in the event of a job lose or an illness:  you are NEVER to dip into this unless you are in a dire straight situation.   Establish this fund FIRST before all other suggestions are followed.   SAVINGS INVESTMENT:   -          Start saving for an emergency fund first. -          Do not use the Overdraft protection feature on your bank debit card = avoid getting into the habit of paying Overdraft charges over and over again!  But do have it on the account – in the event of an emergency = like your car breaks down, etc. and avoid using a credit card and carry a balance. -          Start an investment account at Ally.com/invest and invest in my Model ETF Portfolio that I’ll outline at a later date…stay tuned! -          Start investing in my ”ALL PURPOSE” Model Mutual Fund Portfolio: starting in your mid-50’s/early 60’s. -          Start investing in my designated Model Mutual Fund 80+ Portfolio in your 80’s; exact allocation percentages to also be revealed at a later date! CREDIT CARDS/BANKING MANAGEMENT:  -          Establish a credit history at 18 years old before working a full-time 9-5 or going to college:  now is the time to obtain a pre-paid debt card through Capital One.com or a similar lender.   And do not forget to get a small personal loan ($1,000.00 minimum) at a local bank using a co-signer to qualify for the loan.  As you SLOWLY establish a credit history; apply for a no-fee/low credit limit card through Discover.com and/or Capital One.com.   HAVE YOU RUN UP YOUR CREDIT CARDS TO THE MAX AND DROWNING IN DEBT OVERALL? – CONSIDER CLAIMING BANKRUPTCY AND START OVER – JUST BE CAREFUL; DON’T SCREW UP AGAIN LIKE THE LAST TIME.   -          Earn interest in an interest-bearing savings or CD account:               Not all banks are created equal; which is why most are banking wrong:                 BANK OF AMERICA:  This is a “fee city” bank.  You name it, they have a fee attached TD BANK:  This is a bank with convoluted morals.  Good luck banking in this environment; more horseshit then you can shake a stick at!    -   If your balance falls below $100.00 at TD at any given time during the month; they hit you with a $15.00 low balance fee ($180.00 a year!). You are better off going to a local bank or a federal credit union for your banking needs. BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR MY NEXT SERIES INSTALLMENT POST ON 6/3/2018!
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Animals, Cats, and Creepy: rabbitinheadlights l feel like the reason certain dog-lovers insist cats are evil is because they read their body language as if they were dogs. So here's a very basic quide to common "mean" things cats do that actually aren't mean at all if you know what they're thinking Rolling and exposing belly- attacks you when touched Does not mean: Give belly rubs! - haha I tricked you! Actually means: I'm playful! If you reach for my belly I'll grab your arm and bite it because I think we're playfighting! Lazily exposing belly still attacks when touched Does not mean: tricked you again! Actually means: I'm showing you my belly because I trust you. Please don't break that trust by invading my personal space. I might accept a belly rub if I'm not ticklish and I know you wel Snapping at you while being pet Does not mean: I suddenly decided I dislike you! Actually means: You're petting me in a way that gives me too much restless energy. Please focus on petting my head and shoulders instead of stroking the full length of my back next time Is in the same room but makes no attempt to interact Does not mean: l'm ignoring you Actually means: We're hanging out! I'm being respectful by giving you space while still enjoying your company Slapping/scratching your hand when you try to pet them Does not mean: I hate you! Actually means: You've failed to establish that we're not playing, or the way you're approaching me scares me. Be calmer, speak more gently, make eye contact and blink slowly at me before you try again. squeakykins I love this post omg, thank you so much. As a lifelong cat person, dogs perplex me because they're so completely different behaviourally blome3kissesbitch I love dogs too but, I've been trying to tell people, you canNOT treat cats like you treat dogs. They arent the same animals and have very different personalities blome3kissesbitch P.s. people often pet cats way too hard. Dogs like a firm pet or a pat on the belly, cats dont have the same bone structure and are more flexible than dogs so what you're doing probably hurts them northisnotup Also, their tail language is the opposite! Cats, tail up: happy to see you, happy to be here, happy in general Dogs (most breeds), tail up: On Alert, Hypervigilant, May Attack pluckyredhead And a cat with a swishing/"wagging" tail is a P.O.'ed cat. naamahdarling Sitting and staring Does not mean: I am challenging you/plotting your demise/just generally evil and creepy Actually means: I am a desert-adapted species, so my natural tears are very thick and keep my eyes moist for a nice long time. I do find people interesting and enjoy watching them. I just don't need to blink very often! Staring and blinking slowly Does not mean: I'm smug and think l am smarter than you Actually means: I like you! But I don't need to get up in your face to show it. I can just sit over here and blow kisses at you to show you l am glad you are around! It's very frustrating for me when people expect cats to act like dogs, or act like they're deceitful. They aren't! They just AREN'T DOGS Cats are misunderstood creatures
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Anaconda, Clothes, and Lazy: prokopetz Random Headcanon: Link's androgyny isn't just an artefact of the Zelda franchise's art direction - and neither is it particularly unusual. Sexual dimorphism among Hylians is legitimately much lower than among real-world humans; if Link and Zelda swapped clothes, you'd never be able to tell who was the girl and who was the boy Consequently, Hylian society depends heavily on clothing to establish gender roles, to the extent that it's a severe faux pas to question someone's gender presentation. If they're dressed like a girl, then they're a girl- even if they were dressed like a boy yesterday. That's why nobody ever remarks upon the fact that Zelda and her heroic alter-ego Sheik are different genders; it'd be gauche at best to bring it up sylph-of-breath Good post op parpatarts explains why i can be banned from gerudo town, change clothes in front of the guards, and then be welcomed with open arms quantumghosts shit, this absolutely provides an explanation for it that isn't just "lazy game mechanism" and is honestly such a solid demonstration of how people should approach genderfluidity doesn't matter if the first time you met the person they presented as male, if they present as female now that means they're a woman and they're welcome into gerudo town no questions asked wombatking Also, Link and Zelda 100% do swap places often and you can't tell me otherwise i-eat-pickles Princess Zelda, Ganon has made his way into the kingdom! What should we do?!" HYAH The Legend of Link: Zeldas Adventure
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Af, America, and Apparently: FOX NEWS .com Twisted Ivy: Harvard students say US bigger threat to world peace than ISIS Published October 08, 2014| FoxNews.com CAMPUS REFORM They got most of their SAT questions right, but students at Harvard blew this lay-up posed by the college blog Campus Reform: Who is the bigger threat to world peace, ISIS or the U.S.? Various students at the hallowed Ivy League school said they believe that America, not the Muslim fanatics who behead innocent people, is the biggest threat to world peace. The students were interviewed on the quad by Campus Reform on Saturday, and the shocking video was posted on Tuesday As a Westem evization were to b taot af he pratwe'e facing now," one student said during an interview. "I don't think anyone would argue that we didn't create the problem of ISIS, ourselves." Most of the other students interviewed shared the same sentiment- that ISIS would not exist had it not been for the past actions of the U.S. American imperialism and our protection of oil interests in the Middle East are destabilizing the region and allowing groups like ISIS to gain power," said another student. Caleb Bonham, editor of Campus Reform, conducted the interviews and said that the students' response is nothing new. "This video demonstrates the absurdity behind the bash America fad," Bonham told FoxNews.com. "Unfortunately, too many students think it is intellectual to try and piece together a reason why America is a greater threat than this terrorist organization trying to establish a caliphate through public executions, bombings and beheadings zarekthelordofthefries: writingfail: thebaconsandwichofregret: lizzysmart: sandandglass: Fox News shocked that Harvard students think the US is a greater threat to world peace than ISIS. Students who don’t agree with Fox are ‘twisted’, elitist and wrong apparently.  Source Next Gen STAND UP Did they miss the part where these kids said that ISIS wouldn’t exist without Imperialist intervention in areas like the Middle East? (I’m not singling out America because I’m British and we’ve been fucking up the world since long before America has) I love how the Harvard students give strong arguments on why the U.S. (and its allies, of course, such as Canada and Western Europe) is one of the biggest threats to world peace and all Fox News can say is “this–this is just a FAD” I think it’s really notable that their answers inherently understand the question itself moreso than Fox does, too. The question isn’t “who are the worse people” or something, it’s “who causes the biggest threat to world peace.” It’s clear that Fox doesn’t even understand what they’re asking since their only argument for ISIS being the bigger threat to world peace is that they behead people. Like, yeah, beheading people is really fucking bad, but that doesn’t mean any serial killer who’s ever beheaded anyone is a major threat to world peace. They don’t grasp that it’s the systemic power of these forces and their historical abuse of that power that makes them threats, and that no moral or philosophical ideology will make the US a lesser threat to world peace (but of course they don’t fuckin get that power is the most important factor, they’re fuckin fascists).
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Alive, America, and Anaconda: Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump Follow In 1960, there were approximately 20,000 pages in the Code of Federal Regulations. Today there are over 185,000 pages, as seen in the Roosevelt Room Today, we CUT THE RED TAPE! It is time to SET FREE OUR DREAMS and MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! WH Gov TODAY 0:12 2.55M views 3:35 PM-14 Dec 2017 Joy Reid Ф @JoyAnnReid Following Every one of those pages protects your food from being filled with rat droppings, spoiled meat out of your deli, lead out of your paint, your child's medicine from being defective & corporations from polluting the air you breathe or dumping medical waste in the water you wade in Donald J. Trump@realDonaldTrump In 1960, there were approximately 20,000 pages in the Code of Federal Regulations. Today there are over 185,000 pages, as seen in the Roosevelt Room... 0:38 6:36 PM -14 Dec 2017 Joy Reid@JoyAnnReid .22h company becaus profitable to cut corners. And if no one's looking, people cut corners. Deregulation is not so good if you value clean air, water and safe food, medicine and workplaces. Joy Reid@JoyAnnReid .22h Deregulation is designed to do only one thing: make corporations more profitable, by reducing the cost of doing business. Making products cleaner and safer costs money. Making workplaces safe and clean costs money. Keeping the air clean means less drilling, so less money. Joy Reid@JoyAnnReid .22h Donald Trump is a president straight out of the 1920s. Cal Coolidge has nothing on him. 164 880 4.2 feynites: bogleech: themightyglamazon: jumpingjacktrash: oh my god. let me share a memory with y’all. it’s from i guess 1978 or thereabouts. it’s high summer. i don’t remember where my mom was driving me, in our avocado green chevette, i just know there was a traffic jam that turned 35w northbound into a parking lot from horizon to horizon. picture it – wait, you don’t have to use your imagination, this happened all the damn time back then. every one of those damn cars was burning leaded gasoline. there were no emissions regulations. there were no safety regulations. there were just thousands and thousands of detroit steel shoeboxes belching visible smoke as they idled, engines loud and hot, here and there a radiator giving up in the heat, a cloud of burning oil rising. i, a smeet of five or six, was choking on toxic smog. i reckon it was about a half hour into the traffic jam that i first threw up. i remember a blinding headache, i remember being confused, i remember dry heaving with my arms and head hanging out the window, the green metal of the car burning my hands and my chin. i don’t remember passing out, but i’m told i lost consciousness before mom was able to get to an off-ramp, because there were no emergency lanes on the highways back then. i lived. and life went on. what were we going to do, complain? if i’d died, the cause of death probably would’ve been recorded as heatstroke, not carbon monoxide poisoning. i know i’m probably preaching to the choir here on tumblr. but i really wish i could tell that story to the people who think deregulation is no big deal. i wish they’d put themselves in my mom’s shoes. or even just look at some old pictures, then look out the window. ever notice how cityscapes used to have that orange tint and hazy aura? yeah, that’s poison gas. remember how the mississippi river used to be a stinking soup of baby-shit yellow sludge covered with disturbingly stiff rafts of light orange foam? i can’t even find pictures of the sludge and foam, i guess they didn’t end up on the internet. the smell was indescribable. that oily shimmer. the reek of dead things. people didn’t boat on the river for pleasure; it smelled too bad, it was too ugly, and you could get super super sick if you touched the water. and now look at it. i still wouldn’t want to drink it, but if i fell in i wouldn’t bolt for the shower in a panic, you know? if the thieving billionaires get their way, we can kiss those sailboats goodbye, and learn the smell of toxic foam once more. the ultra-rich won’t even feel the extra money, they’ve already got more than they could ever touch, they just stash it in offshore accounts to rot, but the rest of us will return to a time of neverending nausea and weird cancers. a time when every elementary school class had at least one kind who’d been born with no fingers or their heart outside their body, and this was just… the way things were. i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to longpost. it’s just. god. y’all have no idea how CLEAN everything is now, compared to when i was a kid. and these rich old men are counting on that, on people not knowing or not remembering how bad it was before regulation, not realizing how much we need these protections until it’s too late. I enforce federal worker health and safety and pollution regulations.  When I was learning my trade, when my classmates and I were having a chuckle over the “well duh” level of specificity written into the Code of Federal Regulations (try “no hazardous material shall be stored in crew berthing” on for size), I will never forget the silence that followed when our instructor spoke these words: “Your regulations are written in blood.” These regulations were not written on a whim. They were written because someone thought they could cut costs by storing however many more pounds of a radioactive, toxic, carcinogenic, or whatever else material in the same rooms where the human beings they paid to transport those materials slept, and then did that, because no one was telling them not to.  They were written because people died. Horrifically. Because unregulated capitalism values profit over human life and suffering.  Can I say it again, for those not paying attention?  Unregulated capitalism values profit over human life and suffering. Do we also need to fucking talk about the Radium Girls again who slowly fucking rotted alive because the company they worked for deliberately hid knowledge of radium’s effects on living matter? I’m gonna talk about it. It’s depressing and dark as hell, but if anyone ever thinks to themselves that companies will just regulate out of a sense of civic duty or basic human morality, and don’t need outside enforcement, then they need to keep this story in mind. United States Radium Corporation that knew radium was lethal, and hired factory girls to work at painting watches with glow-in-the-dark radium faces. To emphasize - they knew radium was lethal and dangerous. Scientists who worked with it wore safety equipment and knew better than to touch it with bare skin. The factory girls, on the other hand, were instructed by their employers to keep the tips of their paint brushes pointed by sucking them between their lips. An act that guaranteed that they were ingesting small amounts of radium daily. They were told that radium was safe, and in small doses even good for you - United States Radium Corporation had paid for ‘studies’ and promoted other products which used small amounts of radium, and had branded at as, basically, a medicinal curative that just need to be doled out in appropriate dosages. This was bullshit, and not even bullshit which the company higher ups could reasonably be expected to actually believe on all levels, with the information that they had readily at hand. What they knew was that a small amount of radium wouldn’t kill you right away, and that there was a two year statute of limitations on workers compensation claims. When the girls began dying and the finger was pointed at radium, the president of the United States Radium Corporation had an independent researcher investigate the claim. The research established that the link between the girls’ deaths and radium was clear. The company, not liking that result, covered up the independent research and hired other people to simply state that this was not the case. Of course, by this point there were dying factory workers who were literally glowing in the goddamn dark, whose bones had become so infused with radium that they were visibly radioactive in their autopsies (when said bones weren’t just falling out of them while they were alive, anyway), so of course the company was forced to admit - oh wait, no, they started stealing dead women’s bones from morgues so that they could dispute their causes of death. Like. Let’s be clear. United States Radium Corporation didn’t just fail to keep their workers sufficiently informed, they didn’t just not investigate things well enough, which would have been bad enough on its own. They told their employees to ingest a deadly substance, and when those DYING WOMEN got together with their last breaths to try and make the world aware of what was going on, purely to try and keep it from killing all the other girls who might get jobs in factories (because they were all doomed to painful cancerous death themselves), they paid for hush-ups and cover-ups and fake studies, and stooped to full-on grave robbing to keep people from finding out that they were killing women in droves. There were factory workers giving testimonies as they physically fell apart on their death beds. The company’s response was not to even revise workers’ regulations to be more safe. It was entirely, 100%, to lie about it, so they could keep making money and keep killing their workers. And do you want to know what happened to that company? To the United States Radium Corporation? It eventually became The Safety Light Corporation, and was decommissioned in 2005. The radium girls were dying in the late 1920′s. The company that killed them didn’t even go under with them, didn’t even die when their efforts to raise awareness actually resulted in better and more stringent regulations. So the prospect that better regulations will hurt a corporation are laughable. Even the corporations that deserve to be destroyed by them still manage to do alright when they’re forced to make less money and kill fewer people. Boo hoo, how sad for them. But inadequate regulations will kill actual human people. Full stop. Some companies will still adhere to ethics, sure, some will have people in charge or on various levels who care and can intervene. But not all of them. And the United States Radium Corporation was just ONE company. One company, that had no regulations to hold it accountable, that decided it didn’t care - and so many women died horrible, horrible deaths for it. Do not ever let anyone kid you about the ramifications of deregulation. And do not forget that people who died, with their dying breath, fought to establish regulations to keep you safe. Anyone who takes them away is spitting on their graves.
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Fire, Friends, and Fucking: Missing her vaccinations? We are not vaccinating You know what is a good business? Teeny tiny baby coffins. You can get them in frog green or fire engine red. intersectionalfatale: rottenadel: norgay: deadcatwithaflamethrower: gehayi: or a adinfinitumxx: appropriately-inappropriate: doyouthinkaboutme: memeguy-com: years later House is still as relevant as he ever was I wasn’t vaccinated and never got sick so And I swam and didn’t drown. Anecdotes aren’t evidence. The reason YOU specifically didn’t get sick is because of something called Mass Immunity. That means that since everyone ELSE is vaccinated (you’re welcome), there’s nowhere for the virus to establish a hold. That mass immunity is the only thing that keeps people who CANNOT vaccinate—like the immunocompromised—from catching it. The second that people stop vaccinating, that immunity disappears and the disease resurges, as is clear from the fact that the US is currently experiencing an epidemic of a disease that was projected to become extinct in our lifetimes. Get immunized. There’s no reason not to. Considering that there’s a whole host of people in my age range who weren’t vaccinated enough (even I was missing the second dose of MMR until recently) getting the measles and the mumps I think it’s ridiculous that we’re arguing over a life and death situation. Literally, do you want to live or die? Also, even if you weren’t vaccinated and never got sick–at least not visibly–that doesn’t preclude the possibility that you picked up a virus and passed it on without knowing it.  Maybe you had…oh, let’s say measles. But you had no symptoms. Or maybe you had a fever,  or sore eyes, or a harsh dry cough, but that was it. But nothing that said anything was seriously wrong. And in the meantime, you went about your business. Maybe you waited for a bus with an old man, or shared an aisle at the store with a pregnant woman and her wailing one-year-old, or attended a party with your friends.   And the disease you didn’t know you had? That passed on to the people you met, or to people that they met. The disease you didn’t know you had was passed to a friend at that party, and she passed it to her mother and father, they passed it to their workmates, and now two offices are sick with your measles. The old man you saw at the bus stop? He got pneumonia as a result of the measles you passed to him. The pregnant woman from the store? She miscarried. Her baby, who was too young to be vaccinated? She developed encephalitis and died.  You’re not the only one who’s being protected by your vaccination. You’re protecting everyone else as well. That’s the fucking POINT of vaccination. Anti-vaxxers are permenantly on my shit-list as irresponsible, selfish motherfuckers and they can leave my planet any time they like. also, the reason most people avoid vaccines is because they supposedly cause autism, right? basically, anti-vaxxers are saying that the possibility of their child getting a serious disease is better than their child having autism. the possibility of their child dying is better than their child having autism. Also also, if you catch said disease you run the risk of it mutating, which can make current vaccines completely ineffective!! My uncle got measles after not being vaccinated…he almost went blind….soooooooooooooooooo
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