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Dude, Fafsa, and Lawyer: Can you marry me 5:01 PM I just got back from my school and they said they cannot give me any aid except for unsubsidised loans unless l have a child, get married, or turn 24, so I have to get married Yeah ok I'll marry you I need a better fafsa application too Wait seriously Would you really do it Im doing actual research on it Are we doing this It would have to happen like lightning fast cause my next semester happens pretty damn soon I don't know how fast this happens lemme check Ughhhh okay so we'd need to get a marriage license which can be up to $30 depending on where we get it, and THEN we need to file for a marriage certificate I'm an ordained minister but idk if I could file my own marriage certificate get ordained and do it Can we go to Indiana? Let me check Dude Im so excited Its possible that I can get FAFSA to pay for an entire apartment for me to go to school in Milwaukee DUDE WHAT Okay so there's no minister registration required in lllinois so Yeah I'm looking that up right now Ive heard that if one partner commits adultery, thats grounds for a quicker divorce Yeah this sample form I'm looking at says "irretrievable breakdown" of marriage Worse comes to worse we can stage a fight but I think we can just say yeah it's not working out Does it include adultery divorce ranging from $15,000 to $30,000. Most of this money is spent on legal fees. So Fuck lawyers We don't need a lawyer We don't have kids we don't have property to divide up Oh thats only for a lawyer We don't have alimony to negotiate We're just two guys being dudes. Gettin a divorce portraitofemmy: possiblestoner: marzipanandminutiae: A. imagine your otp B. dear gods this country has massive issues I’ve been looking for this post for ages listen, I’ve read enough fanfic to know that they’re not getting divorced, but it’ll take about 35k of pining to figure that out.
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Anal Sex, Dating, and God: theyellowbrickroad Did I ever tell u guys about the time my ex legitimately thought he killed me with his dick??? theyellowbrickroad Ok so picture this I'm 18 and excited about sex, trying out some new positions. We are having sex in a pretty similar position to this And my pussy is so wet it might as well be a god damn Slip N Slide ok. And he's pounding at it fast and hard but slips out and goes to go right back in... But something is wrong. He's about to enter... The. Wrong. Hole And my eyes widen, I go to shout "noooo!!!" But it's all happening too fast. He thrusts right into my unlubed asshole and I scream like murder and leap right up onto my feet We had only been dating a couple of months at this time and there was something very important he did not know about me: I am a chronic fainter. If I'm in pain or if I see my own blood, I will pass the fuck out. I get real quiet and turn to him and say, "I am going to pass out He doesn't know I'm serious, he thinks I'm just being emotional, and he's like "no baby come here" but as he finishes that sentence i faint and my head ping pongs off my metal bed frame, onto the wall and then finally my whole body falls on the ground He has never seen anybody faint before and naturally assumes I'm dead. A couple minutes later I awaken to him sobbing into my naked chest. Like this motherfucker really thought he sent me to the qrave with some accidental anal sex soorajmakhi SIMONE I AM YELLING katielittlejohn Joining tumblr was worth it just to read this. I didn't make a terrible mistake 9 years ago, after all The. Wrong. Hole
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Amazon, Ass, and Books: Millennials Are Out- Reading Older Generations But younger Americans value library services less than more senior cohorts, study finds natural–blues: decrystallize: witchtimez: onlyblackgirl: m4ge: m4ge: m4ge: m4ge: This came up on my facebook feed and I am so excited to see how generation Xers and Baby Boomers will find a way to use this to shit on millenials anyways nice okay we’re off to a good start oh boy do i have something to tell you about millennials, working, and debt that’s gonna absolutely blow your socks off banksy’s family found this article Why old people so mad. It’s funny because millennials can pretty much multitask like it’s second nature simply because it’s necessary to keep up with society, while baby boomers whine about reading subtitles and can’t seem to program anything more complicated than a VCR. But sure, ok, the kids are lazy and have entitlement complexes Older Generations: -Make comics about kids not knowing how books work- Millenials: -Read more books than anyone else- Older Generations: …no we changed our minds reading a lot is lazy and entitled now I had a professor, way older, talk at a great length about how his generation is more well read than Millenials. When it was brought up that our generation reads more, he literally came out of nowhere with “Well, that’s not the point. See, my generation was better informed. You kids don’t know what it is to actually sit down and read for information. This generation is the least informed of any previous generation! Other generations sat and read, listened to the radio for information. There’s access, but are any of you *actually* informed? No. If I wanted to know what happened in Finland to make it a country, I would go to the library, speak to another human being, and check out books to read on the subject. We were happy to do it.” A girl a few seats behind me goes, “Bullshit. If I want to know that, I can Google that in a few seconds depending on my signal. I can youtube or Netflix a documentary on Finnish History. I can listen to podcasts made by Scandinavian historians. I can use Duolingo to get a better than basic understanding of the language, and use Amazon same-day to get a book in my hand by my last class of the day, delivered to the class. I can order Finnish food on my ubereats app, find a language partner chat app to video with people in Helsinki, use Google Earth to visit, patronise interactive museums, and stream the most popular films from the country *right now*. If I so desire I can take an opensource course from a highly accredited university about the same subject and apply to study abroad with a trusted program with the click of a button. I can use Tinder to find me someone there to get some with, I can buy plane tickets and find a top rated hotel for a good price with great reviews and stream their local radio stations with an app. I can buy train tickets, bus tickets and rent a car. We aren’t less informed. We just don’t learn things we don’t give a shit about or need just to say we did all smug about it. Stop sneering at us for the access your generation dreamed of giving us actually happening just because your old ass doesn’t know how to use it.”
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Alive, Bailey Jay, and Children: judgmental gay @judgmentalgay Following who knew sesame street would fucking snatch 2017 Sesame Street @sesamestreet SESAME STREET We're excited to announce a new friend joining us on Sesame Street! She's Julia, a 4-year-old with autism! #SeeAmazing 1:20 ll. 10:02 AM 20 Mar 17 Vibe Magazine @VibeMagazine @sesamestreet introduces a new Muppet who has a father in jail: at.vibe.com/OoVqMp 1:15 PM 22 Mar 17 Sesame Street Announces New Transgender Character BY CHIP DAY | 2 COMMENTS 640 39 New Sesame Street Transgender Character Rabbit Brunny. via wikicommons Pimvantend RETWEETS LIKES 2,200 4,176 thingsstingshouldsing: thomasmwilson: strawberrymacaronexplosion: nightguardmod: luidilovins: hustleinatrap: it’s sad that puppets are more accepting than people… LET 👏 ERNIE 👏 AND 👏 BERT 👏 TIE 👏 THE 👏 KNOT 👏 THEY 👏 HAVE 👏 A 👏 MORE 👏 ONGOING 👏 STABLE 👏 RELATIONSHIP 👏 THAN 👏 MOST 👏 OF 👏 US 👏 Y’all joke about it, but let me tell you a story: See, back in ‘94 (yeah, you youngins), our sociology teacher mentioned that today was the 25th anniversary of Sesame Street. And he proceeded to tell a story. See, he was in kindergarten when Sesame Street first aired, and he saw the first episode, live, with his classmates. He described the experience of seeing this for the first time as incredible. The entire class loved it. The next day, however, the teacher announced that they could no longer show it, due to some people upset that it showed interracial friendships, of kids of different ethnicities playing together. Keep in mind that this show was only two years after laws banning interracial marriages were overturned. So yeah. They’ve been doing the right thing before many of us here were even alive. They also handled death better than pretty much any show ever. I remember when Mr Hooper died. Well, really the actor playing him died. They could have written around it or ignored it, but they didn’t. They did a whole show about death and grief, and it was moving and completely perfect. And it pissed people off because it was a kids show and I guess some people think kid shows should be happy all the time. Sesame street is the best show. I would have said so at 5, and I still say so as a childfree 35 year old. Children’s media should respect the intelligence of their audience and Sesame Street won’t flinch from that. This is all so true, which makes it even worse that new episodes of Sesame Street are effectively behind a 6 month paywall.
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Ass, Bailey Jay, and Bitch: The Economist -Follow Economist TheEconomist Why aren't millennials buying diamonds? econ.st/294G6yf dxisybuchanan: everythingcanadian: ariaste: wildhaunt: everkings: kid-communism: combatbooty: 1) they expensive bruh 2) none of us kno the dif btwn a fucking diamond and some fancy ass glass ur capitalist rock hierarchy has no control over us 3) mostly mined with slave labor 4) we get excited when our date buys us an appetizer, we don’t even comprehend people buying us rocks that would force us into debt for ten years 5) They aren’t actually that rare and the price is artificially inflated.  Pro tip from a former Jared’s salesperson: You want a sparkly white rock that will look like a diamond to the untrained eye and will literally cost the price of a nice dinner for two? Created white sapphire. They’re lab grown and cost *pennies* to make, so you can get a 1 or 2 carat white sapphire for like… $30-80 probably. You can get one as huge as you like, perfectly clear, perfectly flawless. And no one will ever be able to tell the difference except a professional appraiser. Also, sapphires are the second-hardest gemstone (right after diamonds) so they are very durable! Very unlikely that they’ll chip or crack. Get that bitch set in sterling silver and you are GOOD TO GO. Whole thing should cost you less than $200 unless you get a fancy band with a lot of extra stones. Of course, created sapphires come in every color of the rainbow, so if you want something more exciting than plain white, you TOTALLY CAN.  Created sapphires and silver: The poor Millennial’s engagement ring.  THANK YOU EX-JARED’S BASED GOD.  engagement rings: HACKED
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Carly Rae Jepsen, Coachella, and Friday: COACHELLA Carly Rae Jepsen HI APAY FRIDAY APRIL 13 Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Carly Rae Jepsen SATURDAY APRIL 14 Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen sen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen arly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen sen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen SUNDAY APRIL 15 Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly Rae Jepsen Carly bareback-bieber:so excited for the Coachella line up!

bareback-bieber:so excited for the Coachella line up!

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Alive, Bailey Jay, and Children: judgmental gay @judgmentalgay Following who knew sesame street would fucking snatch 2017 Sesame Street @sesamestreet SESAME STREET We're excited to announce a new friend joining us on Sesame Street! She's Julia, a 4-year-old with autism! #SeeAmazing 1:20 ll. 10:02 AM 20 Mar 17 Vibe Magazine @VibeMagazine @sesamestreet introduces a new Muppet who has a father in jail: at.vibe.com/OoVqMp 1:15 PM 22 Mar 17 Sesame Street Announces New Transgender Character BY CHIP DAY | 2 COMMENTS 640 39 New Sesame Street Transgender Character Rabbit Brunny. via wikicommons Pimvantend RETWEETS LIKES 2,200 4,176 thingsstingshouldsing: thomasmwilson: strawberrymacaronexplosion: nightguardmod: luidilovins: hustleinatrap: it’s sad that puppets are more accepting than people… LET 👏 ERNIE 👏 AND 👏 BERT 👏 TIE 👏 THE 👏 KNOT 👏 THEY 👏 HAVE 👏 A 👏 MORE 👏 ONGOING 👏 STABLE 👏 RELATIONSHIP 👏 THAN 👏 MOST 👏 OF 👏 US 👏 Y’all joke about it, but let me tell you a story: See, back in ‘94 (yeah, you youngins), our sociology teacher mentioned that today was the 25th anniversary of Sesame Street. And he proceeded to tell a story. See, he was in kindergarten when Sesame Street first aired, and he saw the first episode, live, with his classmates. He described the experience of seeing this for the first time as incredible. The entire class loved it. The next day, however, the teacher announced that they could no longer show it, due to some people upset that it showed interracial friendships, of kids of different ethnicities playing together. Keep in mind that this show was only two years after laws banning interracial marriages were overturned. So yeah. They’ve been doing the right thing before many of us here were even alive. They also handled death better than pretty much any show ever. I remember when Mr Hooper died. Well, really the actor playing him died. They could have written around it or ignored it, but they didn’t. They did a whole show about death and grief, and it was moving and completely perfect. And it pissed people off because it was a kids show and I guess some people think kid shows should be happy all the time. Sesame street is the best show. I would have said so at 5, and I still say so as a childfree 35 year old. Children’s media should respect the intelligence of their audience and Sesame Street won’t flinch from that. This is all so true, which makes it even worse that new episodes of Sesame Street are effectively behind a 6 month paywall.
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Catfished, Dumb, and Fail: Okay people, history-fail story-time cindehella artyowl01 So back in the 1780's when our country was still figuring crap out and ol' George Washington was just elected president, G.W decided to send a letter to Congress along the lines of Looking forward to working with you all, this will be exciting! Congress, not wanting to slight the president and also trying to express their own enthusiasm, sent back a letter along the lines of "Glad you're excited, we are also looking forward to working with you!" Then George sends another letter back saying something like "Cool cool bros, glad you're just as excited as am, and Congress, again not wanting to be awkward or just ignore the PRESIDENT sent back ANOTHER letter saying some dumb crap that was probably along the lines of "Glad you're excited that we're excited that you're excited Democracy at its finest And while this in itself is funny, that is not even the best part. George Washington, while being powerful, was not extremely eloquent, and at this point was also aging, busy, and overall very stressed about his new position (which he did not want in the first place). So he asked his old friend James Madison, who had a much better way with words, to write the first note to Congress. Good old James Madison, wanting to oblige his friend, did just that and composed the note to Congress. Now, J-Mads was himself a member of Congress, so when the note arrived, he was in session to hear "Washington's" letter read Cngress got nervous and worried about who could possibly compose a formal and acceptable letter back to Washington. Who better than his old friend, James Madison? So Jimmy, being obliging wrote the response. When Washington received the reply, he once again asked his friend to write the response And who did Congress choose to write their final letter? That's right. ..none other than Jimmy-James-Madison himself. So James Madison, future 4th president of the United States, wrote himself 4 letters under the guise of George Washington and the first Congress of the U.S. And he was too embarrassed to admit it catfish of the millenium History story time

History story time

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Anaconda, Bad, and Facts: calleo: anoracleofwar: calleo: candiikismet: alittlebitridiculous: arciifer: babyanimalgifs: this is the angriest bird i’ve ever seen To the people in the comments saying the guy is doing this “just for show” He’s not With this kind of bird, they are VERY attached to their cages, so if you need to replace the cage, you need to the show the bird you’ve destroyed it so it will accept the new one. It’s upset bc the cage it liked is gone, but the cage was too small for it so it needs to be replaced. The bird is fine. Thank you for explaining that! I’ve been wondering about this video. That bird was livid! @arciifer is so incredibly wrong about the behavior here I can barely form coherent thoughts to explain how and why, it’s just 100% wrong. It is absolutely a myth that “you need to show the bird you’ve destroyed it so it will accept the  new one” or that the bird is angry at all; their whole comment shows a 100% lack of understanding about parrot behavior. I don’t know what facts-I-just-made-up blog that came from, but it’s laughably untrue.  You don’t need to destroy a parrot’s previous cage to ‘show’ it that it’s gone, you could just do what pretty  much every other parrot owner does if they need to replace a cage: Either sell it or give it away if it’s a safe cage and still in good condition, or throw it away. You don’t have to ‘show the bird’, that’s completely and utterly absurd to think that. That cockatoo isn’t “livid” either, it’s having fun and joining in the noise party; that particular bird just happens to have been taught to swear by previous owners and is just yelling along with the noise and having a great time. Our parrot’s last owners taught him to swear and, though he mostly doesn’t anymore, if he gets SUPER excited, he’ll start dropping f-bombs in his excitement; it doesn’t mean he’s “livid”, it  means he’s excited. See, the thing about parrots, and especially cockatoos: They LOVE a good noisy, banging, bell ringing, clanging, screaming, lots of movement and LOUDNESS party and everything about that ‘too’s body language says, “THIS IS AN AMAZING LOUD PARTY I WILL JOIN!” So….is the guy in the vid just trashing a crappy cage to have a good time with his parrot (because who wouldn’t to have a healthy screaming match and noise party with their beloved parrot) and posting it on line because it’s a thing that bird owners do or was he promoting the myth that the bird has to see the cage destroyed and get angry to move on? I can’t really tell what’s going on- I don’t speak bird or bird owner.  I mean, if it’s a guy and his bird having a good noisy fun screaming match time and that’s just what some bird owners do to have fun with their birds- great. I promote this level of pet bonding. Fantastic happy, healthy bird moment. This is also why I will never own a bird.  The guy is destroying the shitty round cage because round cages are bad for all birds (lack of corners makes them feel constantly exposed and stressed), he’s doing it on camera and with the cockatoo likely just for the fun factor and because birds like to be included in safe flock activities, which smashing this piece of shit cage is. It’s noisy, it’s not dangerous, it’s full of movement, it’s fun for the cockatoo. Some random dingus on Tumblr made up the nonsense about “needing to show the bird” and the rest of you non-Google using people went along with it.
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