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Amazon, Complex, and Jeff Bezos: Dazed Jeff Bezos Realizes He Spent Entire Conversation Thinking About How To Automate Person Talking To Him theonion: SEATTLE—Suddenly snapping back to attention, a dazed Jeff Bezos reportedly realized Thursday that he had spent an entire conversation thinking about how to automate the person talking to him. “Sorry, could you repeat that? I just lost focus for a second [as I indifferently watched you open and close your mouth, becoming increasingly aware of the fact that a simple machine could do the exact same things as you],” Bezos said to the Amazon vice president in front of him, even as he resumed brainstorming a complex algorithm that would streamline the executive’s duties, perform them with greater speed and efficiency, and possibly even capture some of his unique human qualities to make it user-friendly. “Whoops, there I go again. I must’ve spaced out [after realizing I could probably render you completely irrelevant within just a few years]. I guess I’m really distracted today [by the tantalizing thought of an automaton executing every one of your relevant functions for no salary with never a single complaint].” Bezos, who suddenly recalled a series of vivid dreams from the previous night in which he automated the entire American workforce, went on to apologize for not getting much sleep.

theonion: SEATTLE—Suddenly snapping back to attention, a dazed Jeff Bezos reportedly realized Thursday that he had spent an entire conversa...

Ass, Birthday, and Christmas: A What's the rudest thing a guest has 5173 ever done in your home? (self.AskReddit) posted to AskReddit 4 hours ago by nl1004 2303 comments sorted by top DONE HIDE A PREV NEXT V A Jombafomb 19496 points 3 hours ago x2 Everyone has a story from their childhood that still pisses them off, this is mine. I was five years old and my snotty older cousin was over at our house. I had just gotten a copy of Mike Tyson's Punch out for my birthday. He was getting his ass kicked by king hippo and he got so angry he rage quit. But he didn't just rage quit, he ripped the cartridge out of the Nintendo and spit into it. Then he threw it across the room and stormed out. I told my parents what happened and they told his parents and they made him apologize, but the game was ruined. It would kind of play, but would freeze up all the time. My family barely had enough money to get me the game for my birthday never mind buying it again. I was sure I would never be able to play it again Then for Christmas this little shit got Mike Tyson's Punch Out. So my older brother went over to his house and switched our ruined cartridge with his. It was awesome. A Jombafomb 13320 points 7 hours ago x2 I could write a book with tales of his awesomeness. When I was 12 he snuck me out of the house in the middle of the night to see The Foo Fighters (before they were the biggest band on earth) At the end of their set William Goldsmith (their drummer at the time) threw his sticks into the crowd and my brother dove headfirst and emerged victoriously with the sticks over his head a minute later. He gave them to me as a memento of my first real rock show. I put one in his coffin and the other I still have to this day. We still fought all the time like brothers do, but no one could mess with me so long as he was around awesomacious: Redditor shares a few heartwarming stories about his elder brother.

awesomacious: Redditor shares a few heartwarming stories about his elder brother.

Ass, Birthday, and Christmas: A What's the rudest thing a guest has 5173 ever done in your home? (self.AskReddit) posted to AskReddit 4 hours ago by nl1004 2303 comments sorted by top DONE HIDE A PREV NEXT V A Jombafomb 19496 points 3 hours ago x2 Everyone has a story from their childhood that still pisses them off, this is mine. I was five years old and my snotty older cousin was over at our house. I had just gotten a copy of Mike Tyson's Punch out for my birthday. He was getting his ass kicked by king hippo and he got so angry he rage quit. But he didn't just rage quit, he ripped the cartridge out of the Nintendo and spit into it. Then he threw it across the room and stormed out. I told my parents what happened and they told his parents and they made him apologize, but the game was ruined. It would kind of play, but would freeze up all the time. My family barely had enough money to get me the game for my birthday never mind buying it again. I was sure I would never be able to play it again Then for Christmas this little shit got Mike Tyson's Punch Out. So my older brother went over to his house and switched our ruined cartridge with his. It was awesome. A Jombafomb 13320 points 7 hours ago x2 I could write a book with tales of his awesomeness. When I was 12 he snuck me out of the house in the middle of the night to see The Foo Fighters (before they were the biggest band on earth) At the end of their set William Goldsmith (their drummer at the time) threw his sticks into the crowd and my brother dove headfirst and emerged victoriously with the sticks over his head a minute later. He gave them to me as a memento of my first real rock show. I put one in his coffin and the other I still have to this day. We still fought all the time like brothers do, but no one could mess with me so long as he was around Redditor shares a few heartwarming stories about his elder brother. via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2QSr17M

Redditor shares a few heartwarming stories about his elder brother. via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2QSr17M

Ass, Birthday, and Christmas: A What's the rudest thing a guest has 5173 ever done in your home? (self.AskReddit) posted to AskReddit 4 hours ago by nl1004 2303 comments sorted by top DONE HIDE A PREV NEXT V A Jombafomb 19496 points 3 hours ago x2 Everyone has a story from their childhood that still pisses them off, this is mine. I was five years old and my snotty older cousin was over at our house. I had just gotten a copy of Mike Tyson's Punch out for my birthday. He was getting his ass kicked by king hippo and he got so angry he rage quit. But he didn't just rage quit, he ripped the cartridge out of the Nintendo and spit into it. Then he threw it across the room and stormed out. I told my parents what happened and they told his parents and they made him apologize, but the game was ruined. It would kind of play, but would freeze up all the time. My family barely had enough money to get me the game for my birthday never mind buying it again. I was sure I would never be able to play it again Then for Christmas this little shit got Mike Tyson's Punch Out. So my older brother went over to his house and switched our ruined cartridge with his. It was awesome. A Jombafomb 13320 points 7 hours ago x2 I could write a book with tales of his awesomeness. When I was 12 he snuck me out of the house in the middle of the night to see The Foo Fighters (before they were the biggest band on earth) At the end of their set William Goldsmith (their drummer at the time) threw his sticks into the crowd and my brother dove headfirst and emerged victoriously with the sticks over his head a minute later. He gave them to me as a memento of my first real rock show. I put one in his coffin and the other I still have to this day. We still fought all the time like brothers do, but no one could mess with me so long as he was around Redditor shares a few heartwarming stories about his elder brother.

Redditor shares a few heartwarming stories about his elder brother.

Books, Cookies, and Creepy: r/Ask Those who have weird neighbors, wh does your neighbor do that is weird or creepy? Discussion 4 19.6k 8.6k Share BEST COMMENTS 14h So I had a neighbor (80yo or more) widowed guy. Every time I get the newspaper delivered to my mail box, when I open it I find the crosswords done (I don't do them or give a damn) A day I decided to try catch who's doing my crosswords, day 1:8 am, they where already done Day 2:7:30 am already done. Day 3 7am I decide to give up. One day, 4am, I was getting back home from a night out, while I was passing by the mailbox; nothing yet delivered, so I place my GoPro inside and went sleeping, the next day: FINALLY GOTIT it was my neighbor, he has done the crosswords right up on my mailbox, for like 10min (I will try to find the video, but it was absolutely cute, staring at my door time to time, and scratching his head). Next day: I took him a 1000 crosswords book, drop it right his door, rang the bell and stayed on my car discretely. He took some time to open the door, then found it, I swear it was the happiest person like a kid that got a puppy. He stayed in his porch and passed like 2 hours doing crosswords then felt asleep lol. The next day: i was getting back home from work, he came to apologize (like a kid that has to confess something) and brought some cookies. We stayed talking about his WW2 service and how the world changed. I frequently bought him crosswords books, until he passed away 1 year ago May he Rest In Peace Secret crossword solver (x-post from me_irl) via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2NV6wt5

Secret crossword solver (x-post from me_irl) via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2NV6wt5