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Comfortable, Dude, and Dumb: Insomnia Adventures u/Oceanundertow Be me, sleep deprived DM, half an hour ago Get startled by phone ringing It's one of my players Me: "Dude, it's midnight, you good?" Friend: "Yeah yeah, sorry if I woke you. Could I ask for a favor?" OhGodHeKilledSomeone.gif Me: "Uh, sure? Shoot." Friend: "My daughter can't sleep, could you tell a quick story over speakerphone? She loves listening to the recordings of our sessions before bed, but I left my laptop at the office so I can't play them." NaniTheFuck.mp3 Me: "She listens to us to fall asleep?" Friend: "Yeah, but she really likes your plot and NPC acting bits. She calls you 'dumb dumb mister. Guess Dungeon Master is a bit hard for a preschooler." Me: "Wow...well, if it will help her sleep, then sure." Friend: "Thank you! Okay, give me a sec to head back to her room." (pause) "Okay, you're on speaker." Me: "Hey, [daughters name], it's uncle Anon." Daughter: (Happy gasp) "Dumb dumb Mister!" I'veNeverBeenHappierToBeCalledADumbDumb.jpg Me: "You ready for a story about...(DM IMPROV SKILLS ENGAGE)..the time your daddy and his friends went deep into a cursed temple to save a frost dragon egg?" Daughter: (Incomprehensible happy squealing noises) I then proceed to spend nearly 20 min spitballing a story over the phone for the most fascinated little girl until she eventually fell asleep. Friend thanks me for the help and says he'll see me on game night. Lay down in bed, actually feel content and comfortable for once. I should have thanked him I am the dumb dumb mister. positive-memes:Bed time stories
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Amazon, Bad, and Dad: When the African Grey parrot N'kisi first met Jane Goodall, he recognized her from a photograph and asked "Got a chimp?" It is claimed that this was a possible display of a sense of humor. Cc Ultrafacts.tumblr.com larkiaquail: nuttyrabbit: outragedbird: theofficialvincenzo: countess7: buggery-approved: whatswrongwithblue: toshio-the-starman: onyx-san: siddharthasmama: angel-with-a-flower-crown: maggiemunkee: ultrafacts: Source If you want more facts, follow Ultrafacts I read an anecdote from someone whose African Grey didn’t particularly get along with her Amazon parrot, Paco. One night she was preparing cornish hens for dinner, while the grey hung out with her in the kitchen. He got a closer look at one of the hens, looked his mama dead in the eyes and asked, “Paco?” Then he laughed. that is one sadistic bird  I am slightly afraid now. I love birds? African Grey Parrots are one of the smartest birds, and seems they can be known to play “jokes” or “pranks” on their owners or any visitors. I was visiting a friend of the family one time and I was just casually watching tv when I thought I heard the water running. I go into the kitchen but everything’s fine. the parrot looks at me and says “gotcha”. Parrots are awesome. I have an African Grey named Loki and he lives up to his name. He likes to scream and mimic the sounds of things falling off the shelf and when we run into the room to see what’s happening he says “The cat did it! Bad Sammy!” and laughs. Whenever he gets mad at me he flies away from me, but since he can’t fly very well, he always crash lands. And the first thing he says when I go to pick him up, without fail, is always “You need to vacuum,” in a very bitter grumble.  Loki likes to call our cat to him. He’ll sit there for minutes saying “here kitty kitty kitty.” The cat will come, walk up to the bird, get bit and then Loki will laugh as the cat screams and runs away. This goes on for hours.  If it’s late at night and he’s tired, but I’m still up with the lights on, he’ll say “Loki go night night.” It’s starts of in a normal tone and then gets louder and louder until he’s screaming “LOKI GO NIGHT NIGHT!”  If he sees my dad fall asleep, he screams like a little girl to scare my dad awake. And then laughs. He’s kind of perfected that evil laugh. But the best one was when I brought home the man who has since become my ex for the first time, Loki looked him dead in the eyes and said “I’m going to bite you.” My parrot was the first one to see what a bad person my ex. He was smarter than us all.  Parrots are people. @oneshortdamnfuse African Greys are like the greatest animal on the planet When I was a kid, we had a rescued african grey called Dodi, and once I was arguing with my mum about my bed time, and the parrot (who had some very foul mouthed previous owners) just shouted at me “for fuck sake go to bed!” also whenever we hoovered he’d call us “yoooou dusty cunts” best thing was he had a scottish accent Reblogging for Scottish swearing parrot YOOOOU DUSTY CUNTS
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Amazon, Bad, and Dad: When the African Grey parrot N'kisi first met Jane Goodall, he recognized her from a photograph and asked "Got a chimp?" It is claimed that this was a possible display of a sense of humor. Cc Ultrafacts.tumblr.com outragedbird: theofficialvincenzo: countess7: buggery-approved: whatswrongwithblue: toshio-the-starman: onyx-san: siddharthasmama: angel-with-a-flower-crown: maggiemunkee: ultrafacts: Source If you want more facts, follow Ultrafacts I read an anecdote from someone whose African Grey didn’t particularly get along with her Amazon parrot, Paco. One night she was preparing cornish hens for dinner, while the grey hung out with her in the kitchen. He got a closer look at one of the hens, looked his mama dead in the eyes and asked, “Paco?” Then he laughed. that is one sadistic bird  I am slightly afraid now. I love birds? African Grey Parrots are one of the smartest birds, and seems they can be known to play “jokes” or “pranks” on their owners or any visitors. I was visiting a friend of the family one time and I was just casually watching tv when I thought I heard the water running. I go into the kitchen but everything’s fine. the parrot looks at me and says “gotcha”. Parrots are awesome. I have an African Grey named Loki and he lives up to his name. He likes to scream and mimic the sounds of things falling off the shelf and when we run into the room to see what’s happening he says “The cat did it! Bad Sammy!” and laughs. Whenever he gets mad at me he flies away from me, but since he can’t fly very well, he always crash lands. And the first thing he says when I go to pick him up, without fail, is always “You need to vacuum,” in a very bitter grumble.  Loki likes to call our cat to him. He’ll sit there for minutes saying “here kitty kitty kitty.” The cat will come, walk up to the bird, get bit and then Loki will laugh as the cat screams and runs away. This goes on for hours.  If it’s late at night and he’s tired, but I’m still up with the lights on, he’ll say “Loki go night night.” It’s starts of in a normal tone and then gets louder and louder until he’s screaming “LOKI GO NIGHT NIGHT!”  If he sees my dad fall asleep, he screams like a little girl to scare my dad awake. And then laughs. He’s kind of perfected that evil laugh. But the best one was when I brought home the man who has since become my ex for the first time, Loki looked him dead in the eyes and said “I’m going to bite you.” My parrot was the first one to see what a bad person my ex. He was smarter than us all.  Parrots are people. @oneshortdamnfuse African Greys are like the greatest animal on the planet When I was a kid, we had a rescued african grey called Dodi, and once I was arguing with my mum about my bed time, and the parrot (who had some very foul mouthed previous owners) just shouted at me “for fuck sake go to bed!” also whenever we hoovered he’d call us “yoooou dusty cunts” best thing was he had a scottish accent
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