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image-descriptions: chauvinistsushi: moonside-tim: sparksd2145: Brian Kane hacked this into the funniest thing I have seen in a while. i have reblogged this before but have i mentioned that i love how it opens its mouth when it makes that tone that signifies that it’s ready for use? it’s small, but it’s there, and it amuses me every time THIS IS THE BEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN [Video of a Big Mouth Billy Bass toy.Off-screen speaker: Alexa. (Bass turns its head to the left, “looking” at the camera, and opens and shuts its mouth while making the Alexa startup sound) Off-screen speaker: What’s the weather? Bass: Currently in Cambridge, it’s 45 degrees with showers. Tonight, you can look for rainy weather, with a low of 43 degrees. (Bass abruptly turns its head so it’s facing forward again)] : image-descriptions: chauvinistsushi: moonside-tim: sparksd2145: Brian Kane hacked this into the funniest thing I have seen in a while. i have reblogged this before but have i mentioned that i love how it opens its mouth when it makes that tone that signifies that it’s ready for use? it’s small, but it’s there, and it amuses me every time THIS IS THE BEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN [Video of a Big Mouth Billy Bass toy.Off-screen speaker: Alexa. (Bass turns its head to the left, “looking” at the camera, and opens and shuts its mouth while making the Alexa startup sound) Off-screen speaker: What’s the weather? Bass: Currently in Cambridge, it’s 45 degrees with showers. Tonight, you can look for rainy weather, with a low of 43 degrees. (Bass abruptly turns its head so it’s facing forward again)]
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spidaerman: 𝘙𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘯 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘨𝘢𝘯, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘦𝘰𝘶𝘴—𝘩𝘦’𝘥 𝘨𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘢𝘳 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘥𝘥𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵, 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘈𝘥𝘢𝘮, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘥. 𝘏𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧.  𝗖𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗗𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗛𝗮𝘄𝗸 (𝟮𝟬𝟭𝟵) : spidaerman: 𝘙𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘯 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘨𝘢𝘯, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘦𝘰𝘶𝘴—𝘩𝘦’𝘥 𝘨𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘢𝘳 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘥𝘥𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵, 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘈𝘥𝘢𝘮, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘥. 𝘏𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧.  𝗖𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗗𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗛𝗮𝘄𝗸 (𝟮𝟬𝟭𝟵)

spidaerman: 𝘙𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘯 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘨𝘢𝘯, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘦𝘰𝘶𝘴—𝘩𝘦’𝘥 𝘨𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘢𝘳 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘥𝘥𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦...

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rubitrightintomyeyes: theonion: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed. “I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.” “I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.” Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on. In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix. Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful. “I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.” “There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.” Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time. “It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.” While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower. “I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath & Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.” “I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added. At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place. : rubitrightintomyeyes: theonion: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed. “I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.” “I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.” Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on. In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix. Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful. “I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.” “There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.” Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time. “It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.” While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower. “I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath & Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.” “I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added. At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.

rubitrightintomyeyes: theonion: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full...

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normal-horoscopes: normal-horoscopes: occultbreakfast: normal-horoscopes: viral-witchcraft: normal-horoscopes: pieandhotdogs: normal-horoscopes: trashcollectshere: normal-horoscopes: alchemicwizard: normal-horoscopes: normal-horoscopes: NOT TO DUNK ON THE ROSICRUCIANS BUT THE ROSY CROSS IS THE UGLIEST THING EVER  - HEBREW CHARACTERS FOR A CHRISTIAN ESOTERIC SYMBOL - FOUR USES OF THE ALKALAI SYMBOL BUT NO USES OF NITRE - NICE HEXAGRAM STAR TRUST US WE ARENT ANTISEMITIC - “WHAT IF WE INCORPORATED COLOR INTO THE WORKING?“ - INRI - “IS THERE A SYMBOL FOR AIR?“ “IDK DUDE JUST DRAW A BIRD“ - “WHAT ABOUT WATER?“ “DUDE JUST PICK A WATER ZODIAC“ - “WHICH WATER ZODIAC?“ “IT DOESN’T MATTER“ - “PUT GOLD OVER THE R IN REX SO PEOPLE KNOW ITS IMPORTANT“ - OCCULT GRAPHIC DESIGN IS MY PASSION Literally every aspect of it is just awful. My Hebrew isnt as good as it should be but I’m 99% certain that Hebrew is complete gibberish. ALSO the water symbol looks like aquarius which I’m sure pretty much everyone is aware is an air sign. What a fucking mess. I remember when we studied these losers in my art and occulture class I had to leave the room because I was laughing too hard at how much they suck. IT IS GIBBERISH BC ITS JUST THE ENTIRE ALPHABETWHICH IS LIKE AN INSECURE CHEF GETTING NERVOUS AND JUST PUTTING EVERY SEASONING THEY HAVE INTO THE POT I dont do occult stuff but i assume this is a mess to look at knowing the meaning but. Not knowing? The colors are awful, the symbols are placed carefully but look hard to decipher. The letters are hard to read and all around this could probably be replaced with something much easier to comphrehend and use. EXACTLY THIS IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN “GOOD” AND “BAD” SIGILWORK TO SOMEONE WITH NO KNOWLEDGE OF THE OCCULT THE ROSY CROSS /FEELS/ LIKE IT HAS POWER BUT IT ALSO FEELS JUMBLED MESSY OVERLY COMPLICATED AND JUST PLAIN UGLY WHEN IT COMES TO SIGILWORK INTRICACY = POWER BUT CLARITY = ACCURACY AND THE ROSY CROSS FAILS ON BOTH FRONTS You wanna know what the kicker is. Aquarius *is* the symbol for air here. The upper left point of a pentagram is attributed to air. The elemental points are assigned to the fixed signs of the zodiac. That’s why we see Taurus, Leo, and Aquarius. The water point is attributed to Scorpio, but they drew an EAGLE INSTEAD OF THE SYMBOL FOR SCORPIO BECAUSE FUCK IT NOTHING MATTERS SEE THEY ALREADY USED SCORPIO ON BEING ANTISEMITIC ON THE INRI DIAGRAM This looks like a fucking board game. OH MY GOD YOURE RIGHT IT LOOKS LIKE A PART TO SOME REDICULOUSLY COMPLEX BOARD GAME YOUR FRIEND SWORE IS THE FUNNEST THING EVER THE ROSY CROSS TAKES 90 MINUTES TO SET UP AND HAS FOUR DIFFERENT DECKS OF CARDS SPECIAL DICE AND TWO DIFFERENT PLASTIC HOURGLASSES @normal-horoscopes This reminds me of the Hermetic Chess invented by the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn. Right down to being too colorful and overly complicated HANG ON I NEED TO GOOGLE SOME THINGS MERCIFUL NIGHT : normal-horoscopes: normal-horoscopes: occultbreakfast: normal-horoscopes: viral-witchcraft: normal-horoscopes: pieandhotdogs: normal-horoscopes: trashcollectshere: normal-horoscopes: alchemicwizard: normal-horoscopes: normal-horoscopes: NOT TO DUNK ON THE ROSICRUCIANS BUT THE ROSY CROSS IS THE UGLIEST THING EVER  - HEBREW CHARACTERS FOR A CHRISTIAN ESOTERIC SYMBOL - FOUR USES OF THE ALKALAI SYMBOL BUT NO USES OF NITRE - NICE HEXAGRAM STAR TRUST US WE ARENT ANTISEMITIC - “WHAT IF WE INCORPORATED COLOR INTO THE WORKING?“ - INRI - “IS THERE A SYMBOL FOR AIR?“ “IDK DUDE JUST DRAW A BIRD“ - “WHAT ABOUT WATER?“ “DUDE JUST PICK A WATER ZODIAC“ - “WHICH WATER ZODIAC?“ “IT DOESN’T MATTER“ - “PUT GOLD OVER THE R IN REX SO PEOPLE KNOW ITS IMPORTANT“ - OCCULT GRAPHIC DESIGN IS MY PASSION Literally every aspect of it is just awful. My Hebrew isnt as good as it should be but I’m 99% certain that Hebrew is complete gibberish. ALSO the water symbol looks like aquarius which I’m sure pretty much everyone is aware is an air sign. What a fucking mess. I remember when we studied these losers in my art and occulture class I had to leave the room because I was laughing too hard at how much they suck. IT IS GIBBERISH BC ITS JUST THE ENTIRE ALPHABETWHICH IS LIKE AN INSECURE CHEF GETTING NERVOUS AND JUST PUTTING EVERY SEASONING THEY HAVE INTO THE POT I dont do occult stuff but i assume this is a mess to look at knowing the meaning but. Not knowing? The colors are awful, the symbols are placed carefully but look hard to decipher. The letters are hard to read and all around this could probably be replaced with something much easier to comphrehend and use. EXACTLY THIS IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN “GOOD” AND “BAD” SIGILWORK TO SOMEONE WITH NO KNOWLEDGE OF THE OCCULT THE ROSY CROSS /FEELS/ LIKE IT HAS POWER BUT IT ALSO FEELS JUMBLED MESSY OVERLY COMPLICATED AND JUST PLAIN UGLY WHEN IT COMES TO SIGILWORK INTRICACY = POWER BUT CLARITY = ACCURACY AND THE ROSY CROSS FAILS ON BOTH FRONTS You wanna know what the kicker is. Aquarius *is* the symbol for air here. The upper left point of a pentagram is attributed to air. The elemental points are assigned to the fixed signs of the zodiac. That’s why we see Taurus, Leo, and Aquarius. The water point is attributed to Scorpio, but they drew an EAGLE INSTEAD OF THE SYMBOL FOR SCORPIO BECAUSE FUCK IT NOTHING MATTERS SEE THEY ALREADY USED SCORPIO ON BEING ANTISEMITIC ON THE INRI DIAGRAM This looks like a fucking board game. OH MY GOD YOURE RIGHT IT LOOKS LIKE A PART TO SOME REDICULOUSLY COMPLEX BOARD GAME YOUR FRIEND SWORE IS THE FUNNEST THING EVER THE ROSY CROSS TAKES 90 MINUTES TO SET UP AND HAS FOUR DIFFERENT DECKS OF CARDS SPECIAL DICE AND TWO DIFFERENT PLASTIC HOURGLASSES @normal-horoscopes This reminds me of the Hermetic Chess invented by the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn. Right down to being too colorful and overly complicated HANG ON I NEED TO GOOGLE SOME THINGS MERCIFUL NIGHT
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cheeseanonioncrisps: roseverdict: roseverdict: jus-tea: Daddy’s at the food store, Mummy’s out of town, She’s working at the hospital since Rhona came to town, Hide away, hide away, Miss Rhona’s come to town, Hide away, hide away, she’s come to take us down. Miss Rhona’s at the doorstep, I’ll keep 6 feet away, But Grandma needs the paper, I’ll take her some today, Hide away, hide away, Miss Rhona’s come to stay, Hide away, hide away, we can’t come out to play. But Grandma needs the paper, I’ll take her some today, And here’s a note from Rhona, she wanted me to say, Hide away, hide away, keep 6 feet away, Hide away, hide away, she took us down today. [Image ID: Tumblr user @neanderthyall says in the notes, “I thought that 6 feet was kind of a double meaning. Like six feet away to stop the spread, but when people die they’re six feet underground, and its six feet of the dirt that keeps you apart. Like ‘Hide away, hide away, even though it hurts Hide away, hide away, or the six feet will be dirt’.” End ID.] HI DON’T LEAVE THIS IN THE NOTES THAT’S ACTUALLY BRILLIANT It’s not a proper creepy nursery rhyme until it’s got an eery childrens’ game attached to it though (think ring-a-round-the-roses or oranges and lemons). One child shall be designated ‘Miss (Mr, Mx) Rhona’ and will have to cover their eyes (hide away). They then have to try to catch the other kids— think Blind Man’s Bluff. The children running away chant the rhyme, to make it easier for ‘Rhona’ to find them. Any child tagged becomes another ‘Rhona’ and must also cover their eyes and join in the chase. The winner is the last child left uninfected. Meanwhile all adults in the area must watch with a vague sense of unease, and whisper to each other “do you know what that’s inspired by?” : cheeseanonioncrisps: roseverdict: roseverdict: jus-tea: Daddy’s at the food store, Mummy’s out of town, She’s working at the hospital since Rhona came to town, Hide away, hide away, Miss Rhona’s come to town, Hide away, hide away, she’s come to take us down. Miss Rhona’s at the doorstep, I’ll keep 6 feet away, But Grandma needs the paper, I’ll take her some today, Hide away, hide away, Miss Rhona’s come to stay, Hide away, hide away, we can’t come out to play. But Grandma needs the paper, I’ll take her some today, And here’s a note from Rhona, she wanted me to say, Hide away, hide away, keep 6 feet away, Hide away, hide away, she took us down today. [Image ID: Tumblr user @neanderthyall says in the notes, “I thought that 6 feet was kind of a double meaning. Like six feet away to stop the spread, but when people die they’re six feet underground, and its six feet of the dirt that keeps you apart. Like ‘Hide away, hide away, even though it hurts Hide away, hide away, or the six feet will be dirt’.” End ID.] HI DON’T LEAVE THIS IN THE NOTES THAT’S ACTUALLY BRILLIANT It’s not a proper creepy nursery rhyme until it’s got an eery childrens’ game attached to it though (think ring-a-round-the-roses or oranges and lemons). One child shall be designated ‘Miss (Mr, Mx) Rhona’ and will have to cover their eyes (hide away). They then have to try to catch the other kids— think Blind Man’s Bluff. The children running away chant the rhyme, to make it easier for ‘Rhona’ to find them. Any child tagged becomes another ‘Rhona’ and must also cover their eyes and join in the chase. The winner is the last child left uninfected. Meanwhile all adults in the area must watch with a vague sense of unease, and whisper to each other “do you know what that’s inspired by?”

cheeseanonioncrisps: roseverdict: roseverdict: jus-tea: Daddy’s at the food store, Mummy’s out of town, She’s working at the hospita...

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ups-dogs: The Bandanna of Betrayal.The Shawl of Shame.The Horrible Hankie of Hunger.The Do-Rag of Dietary Deprivation and Despair.Upon my arrival at the Patricia Green Winery in Newberg Oregon, I was confronted with a horrific sight that left me with an awful and impossible dilemma; I could either respect the cruel and inexplicable demands of the customer by denying biscuits to their dog Maggie, or I could break their rules and yield to the almost hypnotic, yearning gaze of her pleading eyes as she beseeched me to proffer her daily treats.I considered my options carefully as I looked around to see if anyone was watching. Their wishes were clear, but what harm could *one* biscuit possibly do? What kind of barbaric monster would force their sweet dog to wear a sign around her neck prohibiting treats? How could I possibly be expected to withhold her daily Milk Bone? What had she done to deserve such barbaric treatment? And how many biscuits could I sneak to her without getting busted?Fortunately, my questions were soon answered by the arrival of her owner who graciously explained the reason for this seemingly abusive act. It turns out that the vineyard had been hosting their annual fall wine tasting all week long, and was providing the guests with salami, prosciutto, breads, and various types of gourmet cheeses to be paired with the wines. And in her role as official tasting room mascot, Maggie was allowed to circulate freely amongst the guests, who of course were rendered as powerless as I by her beseeching gaze. The result of their copious offerings of such rich meats and sharp cheeses upon her digestive system are best left to the imagination, and her humans were left with no alternative but to take drastic action in order to prevent Miss Maggie the Manipulative and Malodorous Moocher from rendering the tasting room uninhabitable.Fortunately for her, however, the feeding ban did NOT apply to ordinary dog biscuits, thus leaving me free to be the hero and ease her pangs of hunger on what turned out to be Quadruple Biscuit Friday. All was right with the world once again!By Scott Hodges.: ups-dogs: The Bandanna of Betrayal.The Shawl of Shame.The Horrible Hankie of Hunger.The Do-Rag of Dietary Deprivation and Despair.Upon my arrival at the Patricia Green Winery in Newberg Oregon, I was confronted with a horrific sight that left me with an awful and impossible dilemma; I could either respect the cruel and inexplicable demands of the customer by denying biscuits to their dog Maggie, or I could break their rules and yield to the almost hypnotic, yearning gaze of her pleading eyes as she beseeched me to proffer her daily treats.I considered my options carefully as I looked around to see if anyone was watching. Their wishes were clear, but what harm could *one* biscuit possibly do? What kind of barbaric monster would force their sweet dog to wear a sign around her neck prohibiting treats? How could I possibly be expected to withhold her daily Milk Bone? What had she done to deserve such barbaric treatment? And how many biscuits could I sneak to her without getting busted?Fortunately, my questions were soon answered by the arrival of her owner who graciously explained the reason for this seemingly abusive act. It turns out that the vineyard had been hosting their annual fall wine tasting all week long, and was providing the guests with salami, prosciutto, breads, and various types of gourmet cheeses to be paired with the wines. And in her role as official tasting room mascot, Maggie was allowed to circulate freely amongst the guests, who of course were rendered as powerless as I by her beseeching gaze. The result of their copious offerings of such rich meats and sharp cheeses upon her digestive system are best left to the imagination, and her humans were left with no alternative but to take drastic action in order to prevent Miss Maggie the Manipulative and Malodorous Moocher from rendering the tasting room uninhabitable.Fortunately for her, however, the feeding ban did NOT apply to ordinary dog biscuits, thus leaving me free to be the hero and ease her pangs of hunger on what turned out to be Quadruple Biscuit Friday. All was right with the world once again!By Scott Hodges.

ups-dogs: The Bandanna of Betrayal.The Shawl of Shame.The Horrible Hankie of Hunger.The Do-Rag of Dietary Deprivation and Despair.Upon m...

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starkswhee: queercyberoceancowgirl: tulparightsactivist: cheshireinthemiddle: joekewlio: systlin: jabberwockypie: kayrowhitesyrup: black-girl-against-feminism: keyhollow: surprisebitch: pancakes are made of eggs omfg Y’all are crazy if you think a chicken won’t happily eat eggs. Y’all insane if you think a chicken won’t tear some nuggets UP. You are ON CRACK if you think a chicken won’t just, eat another injured chicken Me and some friends were collecting eggs on this farm. We dropped one of them and they went absolutely apeshit over that damn egg. Not even the shell was left. I know people think chickens are herbivores but they absolutely aren’t. Chickens are omnivores. They eat meat, they eat eat all sorts of fruits and vegetables. This isn’t really well known to people who live off of farms or who have never spent time on one. It’s also thanks to tv and movies not showing this side of chickens. It’s why eggs and chicken meat saying they come from “free-range vegetarian chickens” are HILARIOUS, because if they’re free-range, you can’t control that, and the tiny dinosaurs ARE going to eat a lot of things. And if a mouse meets an early demise because it came near the tiny dinosaurs … ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ As a kid I once threw the neighbor’s chickens a chicken nugget just to see what would happen. Answer; they fuckin demolished it. Tore it apart and wolfed it down in seconds.  Rose tinted chicken glasses used to be a very common invention for chickens, because if they saw a speck of blood on another chicken they would gang up on it and murder it to death and feast on it. Actual piranhas don’t act like Hollywood piranhas. Chickens, however, do act like Hollywood piranhas. Those fuckers get a taste for blood and they become fucking ravenous fiends. They’re still very much dinosaur. Pancakes are looking a little tame, huh? : starkswhee: queercyberoceancowgirl: tulparightsactivist: cheshireinthemiddle: joekewlio: systlin: jabberwockypie: kayrowhitesyrup: black-girl-against-feminism: keyhollow: surprisebitch: pancakes are made of eggs omfg Y’all are crazy if you think a chicken won’t happily eat eggs. Y’all insane if you think a chicken won’t tear some nuggets UP. You are ON CRACK if you think a chicken won’t just, eat another injured chicken Me and some friends were collecting eggs on this farm. We dropped one of them and they went absolutely apeshit over that damn egg. Not even the shell was left. I know people think chickens are herbivores but they absolutely aren’t. Chickens are omnivores. They eat meat, they eat eat all sorts of fruits and vegetables. This isn’t really well known to people who live off of farms or who have never spent time on one. It’s also thanks to tv and movies not showing this side of chickens. It’s why eggs and chicken meat saying they come from “free-range vegetarian chickens” are HILARIOUS, because if they’re free-range, you can’t control that, and the tiny dinosaurs ARE going to eat a lot of things. And if a mouse meets an early demise because it came near the tiny dinosaurs … ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ As a kid I once threw the neighbor’s chickens a chicken nugget just to see what would happen. Answer; they fuckin demolished it. Tore it apart and wolfed it down in seconds.  Rose tinted chicken glasses used to be a very common invention for chickens, because if they saw a speck of blood on another chicken they would gang up on it and murder it to death and feast on it. Actual piranhas don’t act like Hollywood piranhas. Chickens, however, do act like Hollywood piranhas. Those fuckers get a taste for blood and they become fucking ravenous fiends. They’re still very much dinosaur. Pancakes are looking a little tame, huh?
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ups-dogs:Captains “log”, stardate 2020:The starship U.P.S. Biscuitprise, on a 5 year mission to deliver packages and seek out doggo life in the vast darkness of the Newberg galaxy, has encountered a strange new life form.It appears to have some sort of cloaking technology that prevented it from showing up on our sensors. It is only just now visible on our screens, its presence betrayed by its glowing green eyes that have taken control of my ship and exerted a strange, hypnotic effect on my crew. It appears to be attempting to barter with us by offering a large chunk of worthless space debris in exchange for our entire supply of biscuits. All attempts to resist its alien, hypnotic influence have failed. Our deflector shields are down; our phasers have no effect; even Mr Spock’s Vulcan Scratchie Claw is of no use against its unearthly power. Mr Scott informs me that the warp engines can no longer take the strain of trying to escape, so we are left with no option but to surrender to its insatiable demands if we want to save the Biscuitprise from utter destruction. I will therefore be beaming a big box of Bones to this bewitching and beastly beggar, in the hopes that it will then release its hold upon us and spare my crew and my ship from its alien wrath!By Scott Hodges: ups-dogs:Captains “log”, stardate 2020:The starship U.P.S. Biscuitprise, on a 5 year mission to deliver packages and seek out doggo life in the vast darkness of the Newberg galaxy, has encountered a strange new life form.It appears to have some sort of cloaking technology that prevented it from showing up on our sensors. It is only just now visible on our screens, its presence betrayed by its glowing green eyes that have taken control of my ship and exerted a strange, hypnotic effect on my crew. It appears to be attempting to barter with us by offering a large chunk of worthless space debris in exchange for our entire supply of biscuits. All attempts to resist its alien, hypnotic influence have failed. Our deflector shields are down; our phasers have no effect; even Mr Spock’s Vulcan Scratchie Claw is of no use against its unearthly power. Mr Scott informs me that the warp engines can no longer take the strain of trying to escape, so we are left with no option but to surrender to its insatiable demands if we want to save the Biscuitprise from utter destruction. I will therefore be beaming a big box of Bones to this bewitching and beastly beggar, in the hopes that it will then release its hold upon us and spare my crew and my ship from its alien wrath!By Scott Hodges

ups-dogs:Captains “log”, stardate 2020:The starship U.P.S. Biscuitprise, on a 5 year mission to deliver packages and seek out doggo life...

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frenchie-sottises: kylehasatumblr: eggplantusiv: probablychaoticgoodrpgideas: definitelybeholderrpgideas: probablygreenrpgideas: constantlyonfirerpgideas: probablyspacerpgideas: teenagerposts: chipthepunk: littleblackmariah: kingfisherfaker: gailsimone: morenamagia: equiusinamaidoutfit: eridanamporass: p41g3r4nk1n: listenforthesteel: Some assholes have been putting nails in cheese and treats in dog parks in Chicago and Massachusetts. Also adding antifreeze to water bowls. Please watch out for your dogs. And if you find out the address of someone doing this, give me the address and tell no one. I will disembowel them. Antifreeze is fucking deadly as shit. Whilst my mom worked in the vets office the neighbor of a cat owner had become sick of his neighbors tom spraying by his house so he left antifreeze out for the cat. Animals are weirdly attracted to the smell and will drink it. The cat was given to the vets and for 2 days it’s insides were slowly dissolved by the acids and it bled from his nose, mouth and even eyes.   On the second day, the vet not being able to help and refusing to let the cat suffer any longer put the cat down. The neighbor who did not deny his crimes didn’t even offer to pay the woman’s vet bill. SO THE BIGGEST FUCKING SIGNAL BOOST TO THIS POST. Fuck who ever is doing this. They can fucking burn. my friend had a cat and it drank antifreeze that was puddled in the driveway and one day they were knitting and it just vomited up all of its internal organs and fell over dead on her lap. The perpetrators of all of this will burn in Hell.  A neighbor of mine threw a ball of hamburger full of rat poison pellets over our fence for my son’s dog. He survived, barely, but has had nerve damage ever since. Okay, listen up, if your pet drinks antifreeze, do you know what the cure is? Alcohol. That’s right. To save your furry little friend you have to get them drunk out of their faces. Antifreeze is an inhibitor and stops your enzymes from working, but luckily alcohol stops that from happening. I learned this from my A Level Biology lessons, but here’s a source anyway http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/2617997.stm Shit this is important SIGNAL BOOST THIS THANK YOU ALICE BOOST.FUCKING BOOST. ALWAYS REBLOG not blog related, but I’m not an asshole S I G N A L B O O S T keep your animal friends safe. Even a Beholder wouldn’t do this. Signal Boost I would not hesitate to drop anyone who would do this into the earth, s i g n a l b o o s t Signal boost This applies to humans, too. The first choice is fomepizole, but a lot of vets don’t keep it in stock. Barring that, clear alcohols like vodka or everclear are a standard treatment for methanol or ethylene glycol poisoning We lost one of our cats because of some jerk who wanted to rid some dogs via antifreeze. I still remember going out there and trying to call him for those three days only to find out he suffered alone and died. Fuck anyone who does this. : frenchie-sottises: kylehasatumblr: eggplantusiv: probablychaoticgoodrpgideas: definitelybeholderrpgideas: probablygreenrpgideas: constantlyonfirerpgideas: probablyspacerpgideas: teenagerposts: chipthepunk: littleblackmariah: kingfisherfaker: gailsimone: morenamagia: equiusinamaidoutfit: eridanamporass: p41g3r4nk1n: listenforthesteel: Some assholes have been putting nails in cheese and treats in dog parks in Chicago and Massachusetts. Also adding antifreeze to water bowls. Please watch out for your dogs. And if you find out the address of someone doing this, give me the address and tell no one. I will disembowel them. Antifreeze is fucking deadly as shit. Whilst my mom worked in the vets office the neighbor of a cat owner had become sick of his neighbors tom spraying by his house so he left antifreeze out for the cat. Animals are weirdly attracted to the smell and will drink it. The cat was given to the vets and for 2 days it’s insides were slowly dissolved by the acids and it bled from his nose, mouth and even eyes.   On the second day, the vet not being able to help and refusing to let the cat suffer any longer put the cat down. The neighbor who did not deny his crimes didn’t even offer to pay the woman’s vet bill. SO THE BIGGEST FUCKING SIGNAL BOOST TO THIS POST. Fuck who ever is doing this. They can fucking burn. my friend had a cat and it drank antifreeze that was puddled in the driveway and one day they were knitting and it just vomited up all of its internal organs and fell over dead on her lap. The perpetrators of all of this will burn in Hell.  A neighbor of mine threw a ball of hamburger full of rat poison pellets over our fence for my son’s dog. He survived, barely, but has had nerve damage ever since. Okay, listen up, if your pet drinks antifreeze, do you know what the cure is? Alcohol. That’s right. To save your furry little friend you have to get them drunk out of their faces. Antifreeze is an inhibitor and stops your enzymes from working, but luckily alcohol stops that from happening. I learned this from my A Level Biology lessons, but here’s a source anyway http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/2617997.stm Shit this is important SIGNAL BOOST THIS THANK YOU ALICE BOOST.FUCKING BOOST. ALWAYS REBLOG not blog related, but I’m not an asshole S I G N A L B O O S T keep your animal friends safe. Even a Beholder wouldn’t do this. Signal Boost I would not hesitate to drop anyone who would do this into the earth, s i g n a l b o o s t Signal boost This applies to humans, too. The first choice is fomepizole, but a lot of vets don’t keep it in stock. Barring that, clear alcohols like vodka or everclear are a standard treatment for methanol or ethylene glycol poisoning We lost one of our cats because of some jerk who wanted to rid some dogs via antifreeze. I still remember going out there and trying to call him for those three days only to find out he suffered alone and died. Fuck anyone who does this.
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to-purify-my-heart: simonalkenmayer: shadow-daughter: simonalkenmayer: ratherinterestingmilkshake: pineapplepineapplebatman: queeranarchism: man-the-wize: Me, irl. The math just checks out, folks. I’m not very good with math, what happens if you break both of a nazi’s arms? they only got 0% arms left to do Nazi Stuff with. 100% less arms. They can still talk Not if you break their jaws~! You know what else they can’t do when you do that?Eat. Nazi eating is a Nazi doing Nazi body maintenance. STOP NAZI BODY MAINTENANCE….by alerting your local cryptid to their location.WARNING: Only attempt if your local cryptid allows this. Breaking their rules may result in your own demise instead of the nazi’s. Unless you are in the experiment. We can also flay them to take away their skin care options : to-purify-my-heart: simonalkenmayer: shadow-daughter: simonalkenmayer: ratherinterestingmilkshake: pineapplepineapplebatman: queeranarchism: man-the-wize: Me, irl. The math just checks out, folks. I’m not very good with math, what happens if you break both of a nazi’s arms? they only got 0% arms left to do Nazi Stuff with. 100% less arms. They can still talk Not if you break their jaws~! You know what else they can’t do when you do that?Eat. Nazi eating is a Nazi doing Nazi body maintenance. STOP NAZI BODY MAINTENANCE….by alerting your local cryptid to their location.WARNING: Only attempt if your local cryptid allows this. Breaking their rules may result in your own demise instead of the nazi’s. Unless you are in the experiment. We can also flay them to take away their skin care options
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