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![Beautiful, Community, and God: 21 Answers
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You can't parse [X]HTML with regex. Because HTML can't be parsed by regex. Regex is not a tool that
can be used to correctly parse HTML. As I have answered in HTML-and-regex questions here so many
times before, the use of regex will not allow you to consume HTML. Regular expressions are a tool that is
insufficiently sophisticated to understand the constructs employed by HTML. HTML is not a regular
language and hence cannot be parsed by regular expressions. Regex queries are not equipped to break
down HTML into its meaningful parts. so many times but it is not getting to me. Even enhanced irregular
regular expressions as used by Perl are not up to the task of parsing HTML. You will never make me
crack. HTML is a language of sufficient complexity that it cannot be parsed by regular expressions. Even
Jon Skeet cannot parse HTML using regular expressions. Every time you attempt to parse HTML with
regular expressions, the unholy child weeps the blood of virgins, and Russian hackers pwn your webapp.
Parsing HTML with regex summons tainted souls into the realm of the living. HTML and regex go together
like love, marriage, and ritual infanticide. The <center> cannot hold it is too late. The force of regex and
HTML together in the same conceptual space will destroy your mind like so much watery putty. If you
parse HTML with regex you are giving in to Them and their blasphemous ways which doom us all to
inhuman toil for the One whose Name cannot be expressed in the Basic Multilingual Plane, he comes.
HTML-plus-regexp will liquify the nerves of the sentient whilst you observe, your psyche withering in the
onslaught of horror. Regex-based HTML parsers are the cancer that is killing StackOverflow it is too late
it is too late we cannot be saved the trangession of a child ensures regex will consume all living tissue
(except for HTML which it cannot, as previously prophesied) dear lord help us how can anyone survive
this scourge using regex to parse HTML has doomed humanity to an eternity of dread torture and
security holes using regex as a tool to process HTML establishes a breach between this world and the
dread realm of čorrupt entities (like SGML entities, but more corrupt) a mere glimpse of the world of reg
ex parsers for HTML will instantly transport a programmer's consciousness into a world of ceaseless
screaming, he comes-the pestilent slithy regex-infection will devour your HTML parser, application and
existence for all time like Vişual Basic only worse he comes he comes do not fight he comes, his uņholy
radiance destroping all enlightenment, HTML tags leaking frọm your eyesiike liquid pain, the song of
regular expression parsing-will extinguish the voices of mortal man from the sphere I can see it can you
see t it is beautiful the f inal snuf fing of the lies of Man ALL ĮS LOSTALL IS LOST the pony he
comes he comes hejcemes the ichor permeates al MY FACEFACEh god no NO NOOoo Ne
stop the an ges aře not reâj ZALGO IS TON THË PONY, HECOMES
1811
Have you tried using an XML parser instead?
link edit flag
edited Nov 14 at 0:18
community wiki
bobince
regex and html](https://pics.me.me/thumb_21-answers-votes-oldest-newest-you-cant-parse-x-html-with-64486868.png)
![Being Alone, Crying, and Dude: thejorie:
xilast-zurvifferman:
thejorie:
jackbecq:
thejorie:
19leahjade96:
thejorie:
madamekagamine:
thejorie:
gccgrimm:
thejorie:
gucciballs:
thejorie:
peble:
thejorie:
My three girlfriends.And yes, they smoke weed.
do they smoke weed?
Yes, actually.
you mean she isnt just smoking a cigarette? but a weed cigarette?
It’s called a bunt…. Not weed cigarette… And yes, it is a weed bunt. They all smoke weed bunts before we kiss. (They are my girlfriends,)
They don’t look like they smoke weed.
Fuck You.Fuck You.Fuck You.Fuck You.Fuck You.Fuck You.Fuck You.Fuck You.Fuck You.Fuck You.Fuck You.Fuck You.I’m so angry you are so lucky my three weed smorking girlfriends are rubbing my shoulders to calm me down I’m so mad.
Your “weed smoking girlfriend” has a Hello Kitty tattoo on her belly. The one in the middle.
I printed out a photo of your avatar and taped it to my punching bag that I punch and I mutter your URL with every strong punch I punch you twerp…. Don’t ever Talk about Blaiz or the wicked Tat(tattoo) I drew on her ever again I Don’t wanna see you standing outside my home at 3 am holding your weird dripping brown bags ever again ok leave us alone this is the FINAL FUCKING WARNING
Well that escalated quickly……
What, was that? Hmm? Come again. *Blaiz grabs my shoulder* Come on Jory, they aren’t worth it, please. * I jerk my shoulder shaking her hand off* NO! NOOOOO!!! *starts to just pummel you with my big fucking fists. With each blow I let out a furious yell. The blows come quicker and harder and the yells get louder. I’m yelling so loud and now I’m crying. BREAKING POINT. The week was hard and I can’t take anymore. I’m opening sobbing at this point while you blood gurgle. All three of my girlfriends struggle to pull me off and they finally succeed and lead me away from the goo pile that is now your body*
haha oh my god
who even is this dude? someone needs some anger management classes.
love how he keeps reminding us that “I HAVE THREE GIRLFRIENDS”, “THEY ALL KISS ME”, and “THEY SMOKE WEED HURRP DURR”.
and let’s not forget the “Blaiz” and her “wicked tat”, or that he doesn’t “wanna see you standing outside [his] home at 3 am holding your weird dripping brown bags ever again”, and that this is “the FINAL FUCKING WARNING”.
“the goo pile that is now your body”
i’m dying over here, jesus
please, Jory, come challenge me to a bout of internet witticsisms; i promise, it’ll be fun.
*shoots you dead* Heh, idiot…*leaves with my three weed smorking girlfriends to go hold hands and kiss.*
this dude playin omg
Come again? *The bar falls silent. No one dares to make a sound, as you have just said a very poor choice of words at a very dangerous time. I remain slumped over the bar, not looking back to you. One hand limply holding an almost empty bottle, the other hand cradling my head. I repeat the question, this time louder.* Come again?! *You can hear me slur the words, the sentence sounds like a real struggle for me to get out. I’m clearly intoxicated. A bead of sweat rolls down your face as you realize you might have just fucked up in a very major way. Everyone else in the bar is pretending to not notice what is going on. The bartender idly washes a mug with a cloth. His eyes are closed and he’s muttering something to himself. A handful of people hurriedly leave. One person looks back at you, a look of sorrow on their face. They almost say something, but shake their head and cast their eyes down to the floor, and leave. But not you. You stand, petrified. A quick look at me reveals I’m still at the bar. You look to the exit, there’s still time. But there’s not, there’s not, there’s not. Your fate was sealed the moment you opened your mouth.* Mother fuck.. what did you say?! *I slowly rise from my stool and being to lumber over to you. I look a mess. My hair is unkempt, I haven’t shaved in what looks like months, there are dark heavy bags under my eyes, my shirt is stained and has holes in it, and I’m missing a shoe. But the main thing you notice is the gun tucked into my jeans, and my massive muscle arms that look like they were made for punching. You know that song about the boots that were made for walking? Yeah, it’s like that only instead of boots it’s my muscles and instead of walking it’s punching. As I drunkenly sway over to you, you think of your family… Will they mourn you, or will they try and forget this blotch of stupidity, that their child insulted the Jory publicly, ever happened to their family? Your thoughts are cut short as I now stand face to face with you. I grab your face and pull you even closer.* Playin?! There was nothing playing… no playing you fuck. No playing… it was real.. the realest thing I’ve ever know.. felt… Love. I loved them… Blaiz…. Chas-Chas… Funk… I loved all three of em… but they…*My face is wet with tears and I’m blinking constantly in vain to hold them back.* They left me… left… *Almost instantly the sadness leaves my face and is replaced with pure anger.* Playin? Playin?! *My hand leaves your face and starts to head to what you think is the gun. You close your eyes and see God looking at you, shrugging. ‘Pft, you brought this upon yourself dude.’ He says as he waves his hands at you dismissively. But instead of the gun, my hands grab yours. Your eyes jolt open and the anger is gone from my face. There is only sadness.* Left me… * I fall to the floor and sob.*Wow, grow up. *You say before you leave the bar but are hit almost immediately from a car and are killed upon impact.*](https://pics.me.me/thumb_thejorie-xilast-zurvifferman-thejorie-jackbecq-thejorie-19leahjade96-thejorie-madamekagamine-thejorie-gccgrimm-62227886.png)
![Mulan, Taken, and Tumblr: You took away my victory!
[Mulan] No!
I did
The soldier from the mountains.
Notice how Shan Yu doesn't even
question it or make a comment about
"BUT YOU'REA GIRL" he just instantly
goes into a "I'LL TEACH YOU TO KILL
MY MEN AND STEAL MY VICTORY" rage
and I think about this a lot sometimes
((Well that might have to do with the fact that
he's a Hun. Women among the Huns had
higher status than their Chinese counterparts
and even some of their own men. Women
were free to hunt and fight along side of the
men, could choose their own husbands and
divorce him if she choose to. There were even
records of clans being led by women leaders.
So for Shan Yu Mulan is just another soldier))
thank you, history side of tumblr.
He also might not have been able to see very well, due
to whatever horrible disease has taken hold in his
eyeballs.
Pretty serious Wilson's Disease judging by the copper
buildup in in irises, and apparent melanocytosis localized to
his sclera.
Thank you medical side of tumblr
EVIL IS NOT A DISEASE! IT'S A CONDITION!
I laughed, I cried, it was better than the Aristocats.
WA THEMETAPICTURE.COM
lolzandtrollz:I Didn’t Know About Any Of This](https://pics.me.me/thumb_you-took-away-my-victory-mulan-no-i-did-the-62190981.png)
![Parents, Home, and Him: Afy [Hiatus]
@jintaellect
Namjoon is the guy you take
home to your parents and they
instantly like him more than they
like you](https://pics.me.me/thumb_afy-hiatus-jintaellect-namjoon-is-the-guy-you-take-home-61977073.png)
![Cats, Chicago, and Clock: The Independent
@Independent
Here's what you should do in the
event of a nuclear attack ind.pn/
2piOhjW
8/9/17, 3:19 PM
NBC News
@NBCNews
NBC NEWS
"Don't run. Get inside". What experts
say to do in case of a nuclear attack
nbcnews.to/2VNWTmt
8/9/17, 9:30 AM
CN
CNN
@CNN
Hawaii is preparing in case of a North
Korea attack. Experts say you have
about 15 min. to take cover after a
launch cnn.it/2upXdZ9
taraljc:
lemonsharks:
nikkoliferous:
biggest-goldiest-spoon:
zoanzon:
missmwynter:
madlyinlov3onda:
oakenroots:
oakenroots:
quietrain:
shesheistyy:
tripprophet:
weavemama:
ladies and gentlemen we have officially reached the “in case a nuclear attack happens” phase……. [x]
This shit is wild.
Wtf a table finna do for anybody?? There’s basically nothing you can do but die
they’re doing this to give people a sense of safety , even though we full well know this won’t work at all.
ALRIGHT KIDDOS LISTEN UP! I did emergency management for the air force which involves this fun thing called Plume Modelling (aka chart the path of death for a given bomb based on its payload, distance, type of detonation, etc) and let me tell you some actual LEGIT™ methods of minimizing damage to your life.
Unless you are within the vaporization zone (where you turn into a fucking shadow because of your proximity to the blast) there is a specific order of events nuke blasts cause and there are ways to protect against these things.
1. There is this thing called a flash to bang ratio. It is really freaking important. The first wave from a nuke is a blinding flash of light that can literally FRY YOUR RETINAS. If you believe that a nuke has just dropped on your city, HIDE AND DONT LOOK AT IT. @shesheistyy a good solid table is good for this but you’re way less likely to go blind if you get to an internal room with no windows, especially one below ground.
2. After the flash there will be the bang. If the time between the flash and the bang, counted in Mississippi seconds, is more than 10 seconds you MIGHT survive and just die of cancer later. If it’s between five and 10 buckle up kiddos because the worst is yet to come. And well if it’s less than 3 you won’t live long enough to remember this. These are loose estimates only.
3. The “bang” usually announces the arrival of the fire ball. Yes. A massive heat shock will erupt from the core of the bomb and light pretty much every thing it comes into contact with, including your flesh, on fire. Back to that whole “metal buildings underground” thing. There’s really no getting around the whole getting lit on fire if you’re too close thing.
4. Fallout. When the bomb goes off it sucks all of the shit it just vaporized up into the air with it and as the blast cools, it begins to rain down the radioactive fucked molten wreckage onto everyone in a huge radius. Just because the fallout you can see has stopped doesn’t mean the molecular radiation has stopped.
The survival factors for nuclear blasts are time, distance and shielding. The longer it takes for it to get to you the less of it there is. The further away from the source the less dead you are. Want to survive? Put 6 feet of concrete and/or 2 feet of lead between you and everything else. Yes. Those loons with their bunkers actually got something right.
NOW! About radiation! If you are so fortunate as to survive one of these blasts and not be vaporized or burnt to a crisp or die of radiation poisoning within hours, you need to understand the types of radiation.
Gamma radiation is the most “severe” in that it can penetrate your flesh through your clothes and house, causing severe illness. Gamma radiation fucks with your cell walls and disrupts your DNA. It kills you in hours, months or years. Some people survive decades. Think of gamma like the sun. Too much exposure gives you cancer.
Now Beta, on the other hand, think of Beta particles like sand on the beach. Its in the air. Its in your clothes, in the creases of your fingers. But beta particles can burn through your flesh or get into your blood stream through open wounds. Luckily they can be stopped with nonporous materials, like rubber, or foil. Make that two points for the loony conspiracy theorists. Aluminum foil does protect from beta radiation.
And finally, Alpha radiation. Think of alpha Radiation like dust motes. It takes a high density filter to prevent you from breathing them in and if you’re surrounded by rubble they’re probably everywhere. Alpha particles do the same thing as beta particles in terms of getting into your system and wrecking your shit.
So! Survival? Most likely based on dumb luck. But! If you think you’re being nuked
1. get under ground or at least to an internal room of the building if no other options are available.
2. CLOSE YOUR EYES. Curl into the fetal position to protect your orifices and vital organs from gamma radiation and get low to the ground to reduce damage from the blast and potential ceiling collapse.
3.You will still feel the flash pass over you. Count. One, two, three… If you aren’t vaporized yet keep counting. Pray to every god ever imagined that you get to 10 before you hear the bang.
4. Bang. Try not to shit yourself. The fireball will follow almost instantly if you’re in range. Be prepared to start rolling to put yourself out.
5. Fallout rains down. Do not open your eyes. Do not stop praying. As hard as it is because time will feel as if it has slowed to a crawl, try not to leave your position for at least 30 minutes, although 60 minutes is better. At 30 minutes, only 60% of the potential fall out has fallen but by 60 minutes, up to 90% may have come down.
6. Remember, Alpha and beta radiation are particles. Do not put anything in your body that has not been thoroughly washed, dusted of or came from a sealed package. Point 3 for the conspiracy theorists, hot pockets and canned food are probably still safe. Do not leave shelter without goggles, and try to wrap yourself in a minimum of those weird space blankets but rubber and metal lined suits (like hazmat suits) are best for the job.
Good luck in the future apocalypse!
Reblogged with improved readability!
Look whats Relevant again…
I wonder if there’s any where to watch White Light, Black Rain. Saw it back in highschool.
History repeats and all that jazz.
After all, It’s not like ‘duck and cover’ and other nuclear protection methods of dubious quality weren’t a mainstream in the Cold War or anything…
We’ve been here before.
It’s just the first time around for us younger crowd.
Stay safe.
Reminder that according to the Doomsday Clock, we are currently at greater threat of nuclear annihilation than we were even at the height of the Cold War.
Nukemap for “how far from ground zero must I be to survive this”
https://nuclearsecrecy.com/nukemap/
Like… Manhattan might be toast but that doesn’t mean the citizens of Long Island shouldn’t know how to mitigate their terrible fuckin situation just because Manhattan is toast.
If downtown Chicago is at the center of a nuclear bombing when I’m at work I’m dead, but if I’m home I have a chance to shelter in place and then bag up the cats and go crash with friends in Wisconsin.
And also how absofuckinglutely horrifying is it that we need to know this shit?
very absofuckingluteky horrifying](https://pics.me.me/thumb_the-independent-independent-heres-what-you-should-do-in-the-61658096.png)
![Ass, Love, and Some More: 2-0.
Photo 2018 Douglas Herring All Rights Reserved
wheeloffortune-design:
khromata:
hrefnatheravenqueen:
hrefnatheravenqueen:
ohmightysmiter:
ex-sang-uination:
dirtyriver:
treacleaergia:
garrettauthor:
anarcho-wormism:
oberonsson:
Dame Archer kicks McDougal’s Scots ass there in the rain at the Washington Midsummer Renaissance Faire - August 11, 2018 - Photo by Douglas Herring
😮
Oh NO.
me, a sheltered noblewoman: Pray who is that brave knight?Dame Archer:*turns around*me: gasp! *instantly in love*
Alicia Archer
my bi heart………
I’VE NEVER SEEN THE ADDED PICS
Ah heck, reposting again for some more A. Archer goodness:
.
.
.
This final picture will make you 300% gayer:
[dies in gay swordsexual]
does she know how many women are in love with her right now.](https://pics.me.me/thumb_2-0-photo-2018-douglas-herring-all-rights-reserved-wheeloffortune-design-khromata-61646555.png)
Memes, Nfl, and Game: ?
CLMEPO:
NFL
Instantly iconic.
Santonio Holmes called game for the @steelers in #SBXLIII! @ToneTime10 #NFL100 (via @nflthrowback) https://t.co/LZKtb3ELKL
Instantly iconic. Santonio Holmes called game for the @steelers in #SBXLIII! @ToneTime10 #NFL100 (via @nflthrowback) https://t.co/LZKtb3ELK...
Animals, Bad, and Mood: Relationship status: Complicated
40 Hilarious Animals That Will Instantly Cure Your Bad Mood - JustViral.Net
40 Hilarious Animals That Will Instantly Cure Your Bad Mood - JustViral.Net
Animals, Bad, and Homeless: Would you give him a treat?
NOT HUNGRY
OR HOMELESS
JUST WANTA
TREAT
40 Hilarious Animals That Will Instantly Cure Your Bad Mood - JustViral.Net
40 Hilarious Animals That Will Instantly Cure Your Bad Mood - JustViral.Net
Animals, Bad, and Life: Finally, an accurate fortune
The love of your life is sitting
across from you.
7 14 16 29 38 47
40 Hilarious Animals That Will Instantly Cure Your Bad Mood - JustViral.Net
40 Hilarious Animals That Will Instantly Cure Your Bad Mood - JustViral.Net
Animals, Bad, and Mood: The very rare & elusive Hummingbear
40 Hilarious Animals That Will Instantly Cure Your Bad Mood - JustViral.Net
40 Hilarious Animals That Will Instantly Cure Your Bad Mood - JustViral.Net
Animals, Bad, and Mood: Pretending to be his mother
40 Hilarious Animals That Will Instantly Cure Your Bad Mood - JustViral.Net
40 Hilarious Animals That Will Instantly Cure Your Bad Mood - JustViral.Net
