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Blade, Church, and Crazy: vinebox i'm so in love with this bath bomb pocmemes jojo @cloutboyjojoo i should get baptized with this in my pocket...the whole church gone go crazy World Champ JR E @HarlemGetsMoney Replying to @cloutboyjojoo **water turns black The church: cry is trash13 I had a server tell me about how he was harassed into going to a church baptism ceremony by a not so close friend and to get them off his back he agreed He decided some time before that of he was going to be forced to do this her might as well have fun with it right? So he goes to lush and buys one of the black bath bombs, and cuts it in haf Now fast forward to the day of and he is wearing a small hamess under his shirt that is keeping both haves of the bath bomb one either shoulder blade He volunteers to get baptised They take him up put him in the white robe and then he waits for his turn. Now the friend who invited him had no clue what he is doing. They are pleasantly surprised to see him participating Honestly. A mistake on their part I only knew this guy for a max of 45 minutes and I could already tell this dude was a chaos entity So his turn comes up and they go to dunk him and the water immediately starts to foam and turn black and he starts screaming like a banchee jumps out the water and hisses at the priest Everyone fucking lost it and her was banned from ever attending that church again So yeah all in all seems like a great thing to do for a hilarious story Source vinebox2 82,219 notes The Baptism of the Anti Christ (colourized, year unknown)
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Books, Club, and Complex: Now a black-robed figure scurried through the midmiuth streets, ducking from doorway to doorway, and reachet grim and forbidding portal. No mere doorway got tha m without effort, one felt. It looked as though the architecth been called in and given specific instructions. We w something eldritch in dark oak, he'd been told. So pu unpleasant gargoyle thing over the archway, give i like the footfall of a giant and make it clear to everyour fact, that this isn't the kind of door that goes "ding when you press the bell. The figure rapped a complex code on the work. A tiny barred hatch opened and one peered out. GUARDS! GUARDS! tor, trying to wring the rainwater out of its robe. intoned a voice on the other side of the grille. countered the dripping figure. " The significant owl hoots in the night,' " said the visi- 'Yet many gray lords go sadly to the masterless men, 3 73 Hooray, hooray for the spinster's sister's daughter;" “ ‘To the axeman, all supplicants are the same height!" “ ‘Yet verily, the rose is within the thorn. ” «" The good mother makes bean soup for the errant boy,' " said the voice behind the door. of Then the visitor said, "What?" boy. said, "Are you sure the ill-built tower doesn't tremble There was a pause, broken only by the sound of the rain. " The good mother makes bean soup for the errant There was another, longer pause. Then the damp figure 9 55 mightily at a butterfly's passage?" "Nope. Bean soup it is. I'm sorry." an The rain hissed down relentlessly in the embarrassed si- lence. "What about the cagèd whale?" said the soaking visitor, trying to squeeze into what little shelter the dread portal offered. "What about it?" "It should know nothing of the mighty deeps, if you must "Oh, the cagèd whale. You want the Elucidated Brethren "Who're you, then?" 93 know." of the Ebon Night. Three doors down." "We're the Illuminated and Ancient Brethren of Ee." I thought you met over in Treacle Street," said the damp "Yeah, well. You know how it is. The fretwork club have 64 man, after a while. the room Tuesdays. There was a bit of a mix-up persephinae:Please read Terry Pratchett’s Discworld books
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Children, Club, and Creepy: At the end of the road is a big old mansion that could house several families, but it only has two inhabitants: Old, rich Mrs. Poppel and her butler Adam. Mrs. Poppel was never much of a smiler, but there doesn't seem to be a mean bone in her. If children kick a ball into her garden she doesn't make a fuzz, just nods at them and watch as they retrieve it. Most days people can see her embroide own little ring by the window, seemingly caught up in her She is peculiar, but never bothers anyone She's just an old lady who spends her days sowing and socializing at the local book club Tell your sister I hope she gets well soon. Adam is quite different. Always smiling and friendly. Always ready to help if he has the time. He's incredibly popular in town,F not to mention at the pub when he has a few hours off. He drinks, laughs and sings, and can even be talked into playing the guitar if asked enough times. Women love him too, but he just winks at them and jokes that he's committed to Mrs. Poppel. It's his own fault that people started spreading rumors that he was really Mrs s live-in lover who had been put to work around the house Typically Adam he just played along. "I don't kiss and tell" When some drunk lads saw him walk arm in arm with Mrs. Poppel down the street, no doubt to steady her, they teasingly shouted "Taking your sweetheart out fora stroll?!" while making kissing sounds been up to now?" l looked up at him like, "What have you They're an odd pair, but they seem happy together in the big house Pork? Again? I'm sorry, Mrs Im still waiting for a delivery Adam even does things not expected of a butler, like gardening while she rests in a sun chair, which has only added fuel to the rumors SU way, Adam d every once in a while something incredible happens; Mrs smiles. No one knows how Adam does it, but neither is it a surprise to anyone It l An Only one truly odd thing has ever happened to them One night a neighbor saw a man sneaking around the house testing the cellar windows. The bedroom. That's where old ladies keep all the good stuff She didn't see him get in, but suddenly he was gone so she grabbed the phone and called the police, just to be safe. What!? She's still home? That means her boy-toy has to be somewhere in the house too- Huh? Adam opened the door dressed in a robe when the police rang the doorbell. He woke up Mrs. Poppel and together they could confirm that the house hadn't been broken into. The officers couldn't find anything out of the ordinary, but gave Mrs Poppel a number to call if they saw anything The following day a man by the name Eric was reported missing. He had lived a rough life of petty crime and robbery, and sometimes didn't contact his friends or family for weeks so it was impossible to say when exactly he disappears. It could have been that same day, or two weeks prior People wondered if maybe he had been the man sneaking around outside Mrs. Poppel's house, but everyone agreed that it was probably just a coincidence. After all, people like him went missing all the time in the surrounding towns. And even if it was him, what did it matter? Mrs. Poppel and Adam were good eople who were loved by the whole town. There was no reason to cause trouble for them, no matter what their relationship was. Besides, Mrs. Poppel had one of her good weeks after that night, seeming a lot more cheerful and happy. It would be a shame to ruin it. thehumon: I’m not entirely sure if this story has a supernatural element to it or not. Are they just run of the mill cannibals or vampires/demons? Occultists? Maybe only Adam? So many possibilities. I also struggled a lot with Adam’s looks. I wanted him to look like an honest to god nice, charming guy who also looked super creepy in the right (wrong?) light. There was supposed to be a whole backstory about Mrs. Poppel’s husband and when Adam came into her life, but I decided to leave it out as it was already pretty text heavy.

thehumon: I’m not entirely sure if this story has a supernatural element to it or not. Are they just run of the mill cannibals or vampires/d...

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Arthur, David Bowie, and Puppies: stoneyboboney tumbl Follow urbanoceanbx hapter 3 1 g car and f you took a couple of David Bowies and stuck one of the David Bowies on the top of the other David Bowie, then attached another David Bowie to the end of each of the arms of the upper of the finst two David Bowies and wrapped the whole business up in a dirty robe you would then have something which didn't exactly look like phn Watson, but which those who knew him would find hauntingly terrible Se clledt He was tall and he grandtheftautosanandreas Douglas Adams is the best when it comes to describe characters the-fandoms-are-valentines they need to teach classes on Douglas Adams analogies okay "He leant tensely against the corridor wall and frowned like a man trying to unbend a corkscrew by telekinesis." Stones, then rocks, then boulders which pranced past him like clumsy puppies, only much, much bigger, much, much harder and heavier, and almost infinitely more likely to kill you if they fell on you. "He gazed keenly into the distance and looked as if he would quite like the wind to blow his hair back dramatically at that point, but the wind was busy fooling around with some leaves a little way of "It looked only partly like a spaceship with guidance fins, rocket engines and escape hatches and so on, and a great deal like a small upended Italian bistro." "If it was an emotion, it was a totally emotionless one. It was hatred, implacable hatred. It was cold, not like ice is cold, but like a wall is cold. It was impersonal not as a randomly flung fist in a crowd is impersonal, but like a computer-issued parking summons is impersonal. And it was deadly - again, not like a bullet or a knife is deadly, but like a brick wall across a motorway is deadly nudityandnerdery And, of course The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't. drinkmasturbatecry the one that will always stay with me is "Arthur Dent was grappling with his consciousness the way one grapples with a lost bar of soap in the bath," i feel like that was the first time i really understood what you could do with words marsdaydream I will reblog this every time l see it because these are some of my favorite sentences in the English language ladyscientia Douglas Adams understands me Source:kingwizardandthelizardgizzard #42 #yes this #ahahaha #Douglas Adams 436,335 notes Douglas Adams appreciation post
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Bad, Blade, and Clothes: Ig Joannehusband Tived in flat with dead wifesbody in wardrobefor 48hours News 9 IV Conor Feehan ruE grief-stricken sister ota stanley blade and property, breaking his the fall He then p murder victim Jonnne lee has eut ex as friends continued to their condolencers It is beleved Jok her sadnesn and pain Gardai obsequently confronted her busth the alezed affair offer eovered the body of Joanne wrapped in bed clothes and Gardal believe Mr tall revealed her a sleeping bag in a wardro by posting five in the fnat. She alno had a had dencended into chace Up until relatively re had been workin known eity centa he was a chet However, he ha heartbroken emjis n er over her hend Facebook page, as friends er rallied to support her while wrapped that officers belleve body was so tight to work out her tragle she was to be moved rinking heavily sister Joannes last movements where. Friends posted tributes to Joanne and messages of support STRANGLED for Jennifer-including one pal Post-mortem ex who described the situation as showed that she a h "devastating" to have be in the dru examinations In November, he strangled and had been dead and her husband Keith drugı ust in a p ple Bar nightelub "Jen, don't know wat to say, for at least four days. it's just devastating. I'm thinkin Gardai believe of u an yr family xXx," the friend posted online will be quizzed about his wifes found him in pe Mr Lee lived murder in the flat with his dead wifes At the weekend, forensie Mr Lee had in the wardrobe for at teams continued their Inves the garda rada 48 hours before he jumped tigation of the house where raid and, a sour found in dramatic cireumstane- from the window es last Thursday when gardai Mr Lce broke Into a flat in Ranelagh made certain admissions to Joanne was discovered. surprised is reported to have Itemerged yesterday that her of drugs recov marríage broke down after she ed to be wos usedl entry. gardai before being taken to discovered her husband was e11.000 husband St James's Hospital where he having a drug-fuelled affair Last Tuesda in a city garda Joanne's Keith Lee, the main suspect in remains under armed guard. her murder, then jumped outThe Herald understands that a third-floor window of the it may be some days before he with an American woman. It is understood detectives a are attempting to trace this Joanne. mped in a wardrobe ING WARDROBE SPECIALS FRE AS BE UNIT VALANCE 5 DOOR ROBE 90" WIDE 198CM <p><a href="http://memehumor.net/post/171057252643/bad-choice-of-product-placement" class="tumblr_blog">memehumor</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>Bad choice of product placement</p></blockquote>

memehumor: Bad choice of product placement

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David Bowie, Puppies, and Target: ch in fully k tti Chapter 3 1 ng he west ing car and f you took a couple of David Bowies and stuck one of the David Bowies on the top of the other David Bowie, then attached another David Bowie to the end of each of the arms of the upper of the first two David Bowies and wrapped the whole business up in a dirty each robe you would then have something which didn't exactly look like d dream of enly fling the terrible eously. So rminedly ecalled" John Watson, but which those who knew him would find hauntingy amiliar He was tall and he gangled. marsdaydream: drinkmasturbatecry: nudityandnerdery: the-fandoms-are-valentines: grandtheftautosanandreas: Douglas Adams is the best when it comes to describe characters they need to teach classes on Douglas Adams analogies okay “He leant tensely against the corridor wall and frowned like a man trying to unbend a corkscrew by telekinesis.” “Stones, then rocks, then boulders which pranced past him like clumsy puppies, only much, much bigger, much, much harder and heavier, and almost infinitely more likely to kill you if they fell on you.” “He gazed keenly into the distance and looked as if he would quite like the wind to blow his hair back dramatically at that point, but the wind was busy fooling around with some leaves a little way off.” “It looked only partly like a spaceship with guidance fins, rocket engines and escape hatches and so on, and a great deal like a small upended Italian bistro.” “If it was an emotion, it was a totally emotionless one. It was hatred, implacable hatred. It was cold, not like ice is cold, but like a wall is cold. It was impersonal, not as a randomly flung fist in a crowd is impersonal, but like a computer-issued parking summons is impersonal. And it was deadly - again, not like a bullet or a knife is deadly, but like a brick wall across a motorway is deadly.” And, of course: “The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.” the one that will always stay with me is “Arthur Dent was grappling with his consciousness the way one grapples with a lost bar of soap in the bath,” i feel like that was the first time i really understood what you could do with words. I will reblog this every time I see it because these are some of my favorite sentences in the English language.
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Ass, Chill, and Dude: spring-day6: lyrica-in-nerdvana: daysofstorm: pilgrim-soulinyou: jeremyyyallan: fagraklett: Chinese emperor Ai of Han, fell in love with a minor official, a man named Dong Xian, and bestowed upon him great political power and a magnificent palace. Legend has it that one day while the two men were sleeping in the same bed, the emperor was roused from his sleep by pressing business. Dong Xian had fallen asleep across the emperor’s robe, but rather than awaken his peaceful lover, the Emperor cut his robe free at the sleeve. Thus “the passion of the cut sleeve” became a euphemism for same-sex love in China. — R.G.L. get you a dude who will fuck up his own clothing for you NO OKAY THIS IS REALLY COOL SO SHUT UP AND LISTEN KIDS. Ancient China was super chill about homosexuality okay. Like we have gay emperors and feudal lords, lesbian princesses who were girlfriends with their serving maids, gay ass poets who wrote lots of poems about that one courtesan who played the guzheng so well.In fact homosexuality was so okay that in Shiji, which is basically the Bible of Ancient Chinese history, there is an entire section dedicated to the gay lovers of emperors. What’s the best part? All the laws and criticism about homosexuality in Ancient China were all about shit like prostitution and rape. These laws were  outlawing homosexual stuff were all very specific. For example, there were laws banning male prostitution, but no laws against homosexuality. These laws were passed to stop the spread of prostitution and laws targeting prostitution in general were pretty common in Chinese history. There were also really strict laws about male rape. Rape was punishable by death, regardless of the gender of the victim. Rape a girl, you die. Rape a guy, you die. Have sex with a minor, you die regardless of whether it was consensual. The lightest sentence you could get was slavery where you were bound to the army.Also scholars wrote essays criticising the boyfriends of emperors, saying that they distracted the emperor from work blah blah blah but THEY ALSO DID THE SAME FOR THE CONCUBINES. That’s right - the issue wasn’t homosexuality but rather the hormones of the emperor. They didn’t care about the gender of the emperor’s favourite lover but rather the fact that the emperor was too horny to get shit done.“But WAIT, Modern China is a hardass about homosexuality!!!! How do you explain that!”Yes. That. That’s because of the late Qing years where Western influences entered the country and brought their gross ass homophobic attitudes with them. And the Qing government was so anxious to seem modern and be seen as equals to their Western counterparts. So they adopted Western ways and discarded their previous attitudes about homosexuality. Hence you have Modern China.So the next time someone tries to tell you that being LGBT is wrong because it goes against traditional Chinese values, tell them to go fuck themselves with 3000 years of Chinese queerness.  Here are all the illustrations of historical gay couples by Ryan Grant https://www.advocate.com/arts-entertainment/artist-spotlight/2012/08/11/ryan-grant-longs-history-gay-love#slide-0 This is one of the best things I have ever read. @dn-a @lesbianblossomjimin @flowerboyjjk @jinglehoonie @blushingkunoichi @connie-the-marshmellow @confessionsofashyfangirl @delicatelykeenbouquet @fooderaser
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Bless Up, Crazy, and Dude: Bear likes to hold his feet when he sleeps. Pic: reddit u/DarthFoxy @DrSmashlove DEAR STRANGERS THINGS YALL AINT HAVE TO KILL OFF THE CHUBBY, NERDY LOVABLE DUDE LIKE THAT, WE AIN’T EEN GET A CHANCE TO SEE OL BOY HIT WINONA WITH THAT NERDY DIH SO NOW SHE GON BE CRAZY FOR 17 MORE SEASONS YALL FOUL FOR THAT. PLUS HE WAS AN EARLY ADOPTER OF THE GIGANTIC VHS CAMERA YALL COULD HAVE MADE HIM FREAKY LIKE YALL COULD HAVE DIRECTED THE PLOT TO WHERE HE PIONEERED THE AMATEUR HOME VIDEO BEFORE ALL THESE WEIRDOS STARTED STRAPPING GO-PRO’s TO THEY HEADPIECE LOOKING LIKE CYCLOPS AND ISHT. BACK WHEN U RESPECTABLY PLACED THE HOME VHS RECORDER ON THE NIGHT STAND AND JUST LET IT ROLL LOL. THAT WAS WELL BEFORE MY TIME I’M JUST SAYING IT WAS MORE RESPECTFUL BACK THEN LIKE MEN WOULD GET THEY MULLET ON POINT AND ROCK A SILK ROBE MAYBE LIGHT A CANDLE AND PLAY LIONEL RITCHIE NOW U JUST PULL A iPHONE OUT SWIPE LEFT AND HIT RECORD IT WAS A MORE CINEMATIC - ROMANTIC TIME BACK THEN BUT I DIGRESS. YALL COULD HIRE ME AS A WRITER LEMME UPGRADE YALL THE CRAZY INDIAN GIRL GOT POTENTIAL AS A SUPERHERO DUO WITH ELEVEN BUT I DON’T TRUST YALL TO DO IT RIGHT REACH OUT NOW WHILE MY PRICE IS CHEAP - ONCE I GET MY BOOK DEAL MY PRICE GON GO WAY UP AND INSTEAD OF WORKING FOR FREE TACOS AND ICE CREAM IMMA DIRECT YOU TO MY TEAM OF THREE AGGRESSIVE JEWISH FEMALE LAWYERS WITH SOUTHERN ACCENTS LIKE THEM TEXAN JEWISH LADIES WHO DON’T PLAY BRUV THEY ACT NICE AND SOUTHERN SWEET BUT THEN WHEN U PUT INK TO PAPER THEY GON TAKE HALF OFF THE TOP. I’M ON SALE - BLACK SUNDAY SALE - HOLLA AT ME - LEMME UPGRADE SEASON 3 BLESS UP 🤗😍😂😂😂

DEAR STRANGERS THINGS YALL AINT HAVE TO KILL OFF THE CHUBBY, NERDY LOVABLE DUDE LIKE THAT, WE AIN’T EEN GET A CHANCE TO SEE OL BOY HIT WINON...

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Books, Children, and Clock: igh Cost of Hogwarts Tuition $42,024 Gloves $123 Textbooks $516 Cloak $80 3 Robes $488 Pointed Hat $32 Wand $162 SOURCE: CENTIVES, LEHIGH UNIVERSITY A HOGWARTS EDUCATION MONEY Study: More expensive than Harvard CNN SANDandGLASS.tumbl.com COMEOY cocaine-and-insulin: miakosamuio: mishastolemywormstache: sandandglass: CNN actually researched how much it would cost to go to Hogwarts #NO WONDER THE WEASLEYS ARE FUCKING BROKE How exactly did they “research” this? Looks like they just pulled a bunch of random figures out of their butts. It’s stated in the books that tuition to Hogwarts is “free for all children in Britain”. I don’t know why they thought it wouldn’t be - it’s a British high school, not a college. So there, you just saved yourself $42,024. In Chamber of Secrets, Mrs. Weasley emptied her entire bank account which contained only two galleons [£10 / US$20] and she managed to buy all five children’s entire set of books and potion ingredients with this, as well as Ginny’s robes, hat, clock, cauldron, and wand!!! And we know she bought all of these as she mentioned having to buy them. The fact that she bought all of these with only £10 pretty much proves how absolutely ridiculous CNNs estimation is. If you want more proof, the actual cost of Harry’s want is far over estimated here, and the exact price in both pounds as US dollars can easily be found right within the books! Harry’s wand is bought for seven galleons, a galleon being worth about five pounds [mentioned by JK Rowling in an interview and in FBAWTFT/QTTA] means that his wand was £35, or US$53. So there’s some straight-out-of-the-books-and-word-of-god proof that the figures CNN have given are way off the mark. Not to mention the fact that even if you don’t go to Hogwarts, as a magical human you’re gonna have to buy a wand anyway if you want to do magic. As for the school books, I’ve done an approximation based on various prices given through-out the books and on Pottermore. While these prices involve a substantial amount of guess-work, I think you’ll agree that my calculation is far more accurate than CNNs: The Standard book of Spells costs one sickle [29p / US59c]. On the back of my comic relief copy of Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them it says it costs fourteen sickles [£4.60 / US$8.26]. One Pottermore, all text books are one galleon [£4.97  / US$10.17] - however Pottermore currency only uses galleons so it’s likely they have rounded off. Lockhart’s books, the most expensive in the series, are five galleons on Pottermore meaning that the exchange rate in the books puts them around two galleons and fourteen sickles [£14.60 / US$20.80]. If we put a high average on this and assume that all textbooks are approximately a galleon [they are likely much less], and that each year has around seven required reading books, the entire price for seven years worth of books would be forty-nine galleons, which equals approximately £243, or US$367 - and remember, this is the maximum estimated price for the textbooks. For the minimum, we need to consider that the Weasleys get a lot of things second hand, with Ginny’s copy of A Begginers Guide To Transfiguration being described as “a very old, very battered copy” - likely no more than five sickles. If they got all their books around that price, it would cost them no more than £14 / US$21 for the entire seven years worth! So school books, far from being US$516, fall somewhere between US$14 and US$367 for the entire seven years at Hogwarts. Next we have robe, glove, cloak, and hat prices - these are never mentioned in the books or on Pottermore, so I can’t account for that. However I seriously doubt it’s as a high as they’ve got here. Considering books in the wizarding world are generally much cheaper than in the muggle world, I think it’s fairly safe to assume that clothing is as well. Likely a maximum of a galleon for a single set of robes. They’ve also forgotten a huge number of things - cauldrons, potion ingredients, scales, and star charts, among others. So yeah, I really don’t know where they came up with these figures. It looks like some guy just wanted to make a story about how expensive Hogwarts would be and put a bunch of American college figures together and thought “yeah, this looks good.” Do not fuck with a fandom.
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Apparently, Bitch, and Children: An Incomplete List of Notable Peoplel Delivered Pizza To... tybaar It's coming up on a year now since I got my curent job as a pizza delivery girl, and I thought this would be a good time to delve into the lttle ever- expanding WTFPIZZA note I keep on my cell that helps me remember some of my more, uh -interesting deliveries So without further ado and in no particular order, here's some pizza customers who left a lasting impression on me thus far A bearded man who answered the door and periodically spat blood into a crusted Harley-Davidson coffee mug while counting out his cash. A woman who slipped me a business card (in ieu of tip) for a laser tatto0 removal clinic, explaining In case you want to bring your mutilated skin back to how God intended it to be. At least three Batmans so far, but only one who did the voice. - An elderly Spanish woman who meekly presented me with a (rather classy) pead-handled .32 snub nosed revolver and asked if I knew how to load it (I do) and also, #1 could load it for her (I didnt). -A group of EMTs hanging out in the back of an ambulance at a recently extinguished (but still smouldering) house fire. -A man with a thick Alabama accent who admonished me for standing in front of his mailbox while I waited for him to answer the door. He then explained how this was a federal offense because I was "obstructing the mal system and demanded my social security number so he could report me to the proper authorties A group of young teenage girls (like 14-16) who begged me to buy a case of Bud Light (ew why) and bring it back to them. - A hotel room full of badass middie-aged women all dressed as Professor McGonagall from the Hamy Potter films, who were also completely wasted on Jello shots. They kept encouraging me to stay and party with them. A 20-something dude who answered the door with an unsheathed katana dangling through a belt loop on his jeans. Multiple instances of people asking if# I would sell them pot. (bitch get your own dealer sheesh) A guy who slipped a twenty directly into my shirt because I apparently was the "spitting image" of his deceased daughter -A woman who admonished me for driving a Mazda, and wrote "get a real car in the tip portion of my credit receipt. A very drunk dude who gave me his iPhone and had me take a bunch of Myspace-esque pictures of the both of us. He did the duck lips thing in every shot Multiple prank deliveries joke's on you motherfucker, I get paid for the gas AND I eat the pizzas you ordered) - An elderty man who wrote FUCK OFF as his signature on a credit receipt - A thirty-something guy who begged to get his order for free because he works so hard. He visibly teared up and sniffled when I told him I couldnt do anything. A dudebro wearing a bath robe and socks+sandals (indoors) who straight up wordlessly yanked the pizzas out of my hands without paying and shut the door. Multiple knockings were of no avail -A woman who angrily demanded to see my ID because she refused to believe my claims that I'm female. She proceeded to snatch my drivers icense out of my hand, run back into her house and show it to her children while pointing back at me. A kid no older than 14 who desperately tried to convince me to play WoW on the free custom server he was playing on. (But it has double - A guy who spent the entire time I was there digging a (impressively large) booger out of his nose. He proceeded to smear it on, thankfully, HIS copy of the receipt. An on-duty cop who flagged me down by intercepting me on the road before I got to the police station and pulling me over to get his pizza. -A drill instructor looking-guy who filled out his entire credit card receipt, specifically wrote 0.00 in the tip portion, then proceeded to write out a check for seventy-eight cents and handed it to me. It said pizza tip" in the For section A furious lady who yelled at me for a solid five minutes (1 kept track) al about how long it took for her delivery to get to her. She then tipped me an extra ten bucks on a six dolar order. I dunno. - An incredibly stoned teenager trying and failing to look sober. When I complimented his Adventure Time wallet (which was super cute) and asked where he got it, he immediately looked temified, sat down on the floor and muttered 1... I don't know... - Obligatory naked man with unimpressive penis - A chick at a house party who answered the door and immediately tuned to vomit into her mailbox A surly Korean mom with an amazing shoulder tattoo of a baby giving birth to a fullgrown woman - A man who lived in one of those mini-mansions inside a gated community, who sported a seemingly massive collection of what appeared to be solid glass spheres of varying size and color. I only got a quick glance in his house but there had to be hundreds of them in display racks, tables, shelves- everywhere. - A group of 20-something guys who challenged me to sing the original Pokemon theme song, which I did. And perfectly, I may add. A completely iced-out musclebound gangster kid who was blaring Regina Spektor so loud and with so much bass I actually couldnt hear anything he was saying. An elderty guy who deadpan asked me if I knew anyone who could score him holowpoint bulets. - An adorable older lesbian couple who were mortified that they didnt have any extra money for a tip, so they gave me a big sack of pistachios nstead. It took me three weeks to finish the bag this was so worth reading Souroe: tybaar story time his is. 219,895 notes realy cool actualy Pizza for Strange People
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Definitely, Fashion, and Love: Ballerific Fashion: Celebs Love YSL "Niki" Crystal Boots @balleralert Ballerific Fashion: Celebs Love YSL "Niki" Crystal Boots -blogged by @peachkyss (swipe) ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ One thing about designer pieces, when celebs see something they love, you can definitely expect to see them rocking them. Although the celebs may be rocking the same piece, no one is wearing them the same. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Back in March, Rihanna was spotted wearing YSL's "Niki" Crystal Boots just days after being showcased on the runway. The badgal accessorized her look with denim distressed jeans, a tee, and leather jacket. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ CardiB attended the 2017 MTV Music Awards wearing the crystal boots with AngelBrinks crystal ensemble for a glamorous feel of the evening. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ BlacChyna showed off her pair while in Atlanta last night looking absolutely fabulous. The boots were styled with Dare to be Vintage by ShaneJustin custom silk robe. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Each of the ladies added their own swag to the $10K YSL boots. Love how the looks transition from day to night. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Whose look are you feeling more? BallerificFashion

Ballerific Fashion: Celebs Love YSL "Niki" Crystal Boots -blogged by @peachkyss (swipe) ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ One thing about designer pieces, whe...

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Books, David Bowie, and Puppies: ch in fully k tti Chapter 3 1 ng he west ing car and f you took a couple of David Bowies and stuck one of the David Bowies on the top of the other David Bowie, then attached another David Bowie to the end of each of the arms of the upper of the first two David Bowies and wrapped the whole business up in a dirty each robe you would then have something which didn't exactly look like d dream of enly fling the terrible eously. So rminedly ecalled" John Watson, but which those who knew him would find hauntingy amiliar He was tall and he gangled. aeruh: marsdaydream: drinkmasturbatecry: nudityandnerdery: the-fandoms-are-valentines: grandtheftautosanandreas: Douglas Adams is the best when it comes to describe characters they need to teach classes on Douglas Adams analogies okay “He leant tensely against the corridor wall and frowned like a man trying to unbend a corkscrew by telekinesis.” “Stones, then rocks, then boulders which pranced past him like clumsy puppies, only much, much bigger, much, much harder and heavier, and almost infinitely more likely to kill you if they fell on you.” “He gazed keenly into the distance and looked as if he would quite like the wind to blow his hair back dramatically at that point, but the wind was busy fooling around with some leaves a little way off.” “It looked only partly like a spaceship with guidance fins, rocket engines and escape hatches and so on, and a great deal like a small upended Italian bistro.” “If it was an emotion, it was a totally emotionless one. It was hatred, implacable hatred. It was cold, not like ice is cold, but like a wall is cold. It was impersonal, not as a randomly flung fist in a crowd is impersonal, but like a computer-issued parking summons is impersonal. And it was deadly - again, not like a bullet or a knife is deadly, but like a brick wall across a motorway is deadly.” And, of course: “The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.” the one that will always stay with me is “Arthur Dent was grappling with his consciousness the way one grapples with a lost bar of soap in the bath,” i feel like that was the first time i really understood what you could do with words. I will reblog this every time I see it because these are some of my favorite sentences in the English language. @forest-of-books
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Apparently, Bodies , and Books: :Doctor Sohna le vononr Quis non doberctjche egihey an anges tiabwngt artar Eucß nasmeen langen Sc u hurmit deutar figrasmanthian.und georaucl fvckthisreality: zacharielaughingalonewithsalad: cellarspider: twinkletwinkleyoulittlefuck: purrsianstuck: During the Bubonic Plague, doctors wore these bird-like masks to avoid becoming sick. They would fill the beaks with spices and rose petals, so they wouldn’t have to smell the rotting bodies. A theory during the Bubonic Plague was that the plague was caused by evil spirits. To scare the spirits away, the masks were intentionally designed to be creepy. Mission fucking accomplished Okay so I love this but it doesn’t cover the half of why the design is awesome and actually borders on making sense. It wasn’t just that they didn’t want to smell the infected and dead, they thought it was crucial to protecting themselves. They had no way of knowing about what actually caused the plague, and so one of the other theories was that the smell of the infected all by itself was evil and could transmit the plague. So not only would they fill their masks with aromatic herbs and flowers, they would also burn fires in public areas, so that the smell of the smoke would “clear the air”. This all related to the miasma theory of contagion, which was one of the major theories out there until the 19th century. And it makes sense, in a way. Plague victims smelled awful, and there’s a general correlation between horrible septic smells and getting horribly sick if you’re around what causes them for too long. You can see now that we’ve got two different theories as to what caused the plague that were worked into the design. That’s because the whole thing was an attempt by the doctors to cover as many bases as they could think of, and we’re still not done. The glass eyepieces. They were either darkened or red, not something you generally want to have to contend with when examining patients. But the plague might be spread by eye contact via the evil eye, so best to ward that off too. The illustration shows a doctor holding a stick. This was an examination tool, that helped the doctors keep some distance between themselves and the infected. They already had gloves on, but the extra level of separation was apparently deemed necessary. You could even take a pulse with it. Or keep people the fuck away from you, which was apparently a documented use. Finally, the robe. It’s not just to look fancy, the cloth was waxed, as were all of the rest of their clothes. What’s one of the properties of wax? Water-based fluids aren’t absorbed by it. This was the closest you could get to a sterile, fully protecting garment back then. Because at least one person along the line was smart enough to think “Gee, I’d really rather not have the stuff coming out of those weeping sores anywhere on my person”. So between all of these there’s a real sense that a lot of real thought was put into making sure the doctors were protected, even if they couldn’t exactly be sure from what. They worked with what information they had. And frankly, it’s a great design given what was available! You limit exposure to aspirated liquids, limit exposure to contaminated liquids already present, you limit contact with the infected. You also don’t give fleas any really good place to hop onto. That’s actually useful. Beyond that, there were contracts the doctors would sign before they even got near a patient. They were to be under quarantine themselves, they wouldn’t treat patients without a custodian monitoring them and helping when something had to be physically contacted, and they would not treat non-plague patients for the duration. There was an actual system in place by the time the plague doctors really became a thing to make sure they didn’t infect anyone either. These guys were the product of the scientific process at work, and the scientific process made a bitchin’ proto-hazmat suit. And containment protocols! reblogging for the sweet history lesson Reblogging because of the History lesson and because the masks, the masks are cool
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