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lemonvortex: lemonvortex: lemonvortex: I’m gonna be ill “They are arguing that they shouldnt have to reunite them with their kids” AND WHAT ALTERNATIVE, EXACTLY, DO YOU HAVE? I literally just cant even keep up with every awful headline I see at this point Even people who are naturalized citizens are at risk And I’m hardly seeing anyone outside of news-oriented social circles talking about what may be coming in the wake of all of this It all just keeps piling up And more And more I feel like the point of no return for the initiation of a dystopian regime is far behind us and it makes me fucking sick : Trump administratiorn admits they've lost track of roughly 20 percent of toddlers' parents And only half of the youngest children abducted by the Trump administration will be reunited by the court-imposed deadline. ADAM PECK Y JUL 6, 2018, 4:21 PM During a conference call with reporters and U.S. District Judge Dana Sabraw on Friday afternoon, government officials acknowledged that as many as 20 percent of the youngest children ripped from their parents on Donald Trump's orders won't be reunified with their families any time soon The revelation comes a day after Health and Human Services Secretary Alex Azar assured the public that the government would meet the court's July 10 deadline to reunite children under the age of 5 with their parents, only to immediately backtrack lemonvortex: lemonvortex: lemonvortex: I’m gonna be ill “They are arguing that they shouldnt have to reunite them with their kids” AND WHAT ALTERNATIVE, EXACTLY, DO YOU HAVE? I literally just cant even keep up with every awful headline I see at this point Even people who are naturalized citizens are at risk And I’m hardly seeing anyone outside of news-oriented social circles talking about what may be coming in the wake of all of this It all just keeps piling up And more And more I feel like the point of no return for the initiation of a dystopian regime is far behind us and it makes me fucking sick
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Dragon: writing-prompt-s The world's tiniest dragon must defend his hoard, a single gold coin, from those who would steal it mildswearingat4amm Suggestion: The dragon's definition of "steal" is somewhat loose. It still allows the coin to be used and bartered and change hands-but on one condition: the dragon must be with it at all times They become a familiar sight in the marketplace. "Here's your change, ma am. One gold piece." The merchant holds out a palm, on top of which rests a tiny, brilliantly colored creature clutching a single gold coin. That's a dragon," you say dumbly. "One piece... and a dragon." "Yes. You cautiously reach out and attempt to take your change. You tug. It holds. You tug harder. The dragon lets loose a tiny, protective growl. "Ma'am-no, ma'am, you have to take the dragon, too" "Sorry?" The seller notes your expression. ya?" They shrug. "Them's the rules. Take the coin, take the dragon." r dubious expression. "Not from around here, are They wait expectantly. Wondering how the world has so suddenly gone mad, you slowly, slowly hold out your hand The dragon perks right up. It scampers from their palm to yours with the coin clamped in its jaws and scales your sleeve with sharp little claws. Have a nice day, ma am," the merchant says. "Spend him soon, now, you hear? At another booth, if you can. He likes to travel. From its perch upon your shoulder, the dragon lets out a happy trill bdubs8807 Bonus: the coin eventually passes to the rogue in a group of travelling adventurers. The dragon becomes the mascot of the entire group, and they lay out a small pile of coins for him to sleep on every night, clutching his coin like a teddy bear Source: wniting-prompt-s 22.149 notes Dragon

Dragon

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abookandacoffee: its-rowark: misanthrobot: rowan-oak-o-flow: delgt: xopachi: skwinky: lntruding: Have you ever been to earth? On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain: You’re an idiot. Let me further explain: Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern. Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY. When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito. And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what: Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND. Nope. My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET. You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers. And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE. What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN. I just want a burrito. In conclusion: You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys. UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”: A fucking fork? I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD. If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER. That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL. Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS. A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now. People eat burritos with forks? God is sorry he made us. (Source) I always need this on my blog. I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning.  Yes @kirkfuffle MY FAVORITE FUCKING POST IS BACK. Finally! I wanted to show this to my brother and I’ve been waiting over a year for it to come back! A fucking pack of lifesavers : BEANS MOLE J MEAT CHBESE RKE CILAVIZO SALsA Dear Guy Who Just Made My Burrito: Lucky Shirt in Comedy Corner abookandacoffee: its-rowark: misanthrobot: rowan-oak-o-flow: delgt: xopachi: skwinky: lntruding: Have you ever been to earth? On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain: You’re an idiot. Let me further explain: Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern. Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY. When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito. And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what: Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND. Nope. My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET. You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers. And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE. What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN. I just want a burrito. In conclusion: You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys. UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”: A fucking fork? I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD. If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER. That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL. Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS. A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now. People eat burritos with forks? God is sorry he made us. (Source) I always need this on my blog. I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning.  Yes @kirkfuffle MY FAVORITE FUCKING POST IS BACK. Finally! I wanted to show this to my brother and I’ve been waiting over a year for it to come back! A fucking pack of lifesavers
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Did you know that you are, in fact, a dickless asshole?: To The Cockless Queefbag Who Hod My Vehicle Unlawfully Towed Last Night, Jan 23 That's right. Unlawfully. This is not a signed lot. And yes, I had paying for the privilege to park here on my lease like everyone every right to be there with or without signage, as I was else. But you, you self righteous, vacuous piece of genetic plankton, took it upon yourself to have me towed. Did I mention I have a fucking pneumonia and was scheduled to be in the hospital today? Did you know I missed my window to get my medication? Did you know that you are, in fact, a dickless asshole? Did you also know that the "Tow King" is required by law to provide me with your name and address and that soon-oh very soon-you and I will have words. I suspect you're also the gutless pile of shit who keeps kicking in my tires and spitting on my car. You fucking sociopath. If my dashcam ever catches you doing that shit, every pair of shoes you wear from now on will be attached to your goddamn kneecaps. Since I know you're too gutless to come forward I'm going to let you sit while I file the necessary paperwork to have you taken to small claims court where you will be required to pay not just my fees, but the fees of Mac Properties who had to bail my car out for unlawful detainment. And you can sit and think about what fun, clever thing I'm going to do to get evern with you, you gutless little shit. Did you know that you are, in fact, a dickless asshole?
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More ways to loose friends: I've been playing Uno wrong since I was a kid . Did y'all know that you can only play the Draw 4 Wild card IF you have NO other cards that can be played??! AND if you suspect that someone has illegally played this card, they have to show you their hand. AND if they in fact played the card illegally they must draw 4, but If not, the person who challenged the play must DRAW 6? Ok so l was bored and ran out of things to read so l decided to read the actual rule book 2018 is going to be a year of enlightenment for me I can just feel it! tats #yourewelcome yu pay tus card, you get to choose the color that including the color in play belore the Wild card was laid down on your turn even if you have another playable card in your d ap at the beginning of play, the person to the left of the dealer ch hand. I play Draw 4 card-When you play this card, you get to choose the color y PLUS the next player must draw 4 cards from the DRAW pile and o ythis card it you have matching number or Action Cardal Fburned up spect that a Wild Draw 4 card has been played on you legaly e. the pla he challenged player must draw the 4 cards instead of you. Howeve there is a hitchl You may only play this card when you do NOT in your hand that play, return this card to the deck and pick another card you may challenge tat player The player must show you you must draw the 4 cards PLUS an additional 2 cards (5 total Swap Hands card-When you play this cavd, you may choose any op athe cards in your hand with all the cards in their hand. This is av the color tat resumes play if this card is turned up at he erson to the left of the dealer chooses the color that begins play stomtrable card-Use a 2 pencil to wite any house rue you wigh o you This is a wild card so you may play it on your bum oven t WOTE: te cards are erasable,o you may we The only milt la your imagination (and the consent of the other cad in your hand Also, you choose tre color that resmes pi C GAME OF UNO TAKE THE WILD SWAP HANDS USTOMIZABLE CAROS OUT OF THE DECK. More ways to loose friends

More ways to loose friends

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My whole life is a lie!!: LaToya McCaskill Stallings added 2 new photos 3 Jan at 06:21. So it's taken me 35 years on this earth to realize that I've been playing Uno wrong since I was a kidDid y'all know that you can only play the Draw 4 Wild card IF you have NO other cards that can be played??! AND if you suspect that someone has illegally played this card, they have to show you their hand. AND if they in fact played the card illegally they must draw 4, but If not, the person who challenged the play must DRAW 6? Ok so I was bored and ran out of things to read so I decided to read the actual rule book2018 is going to be a year of enlightenment for me I can just feel it! 笞笞笞#you rewelcome you get to choose the color that color including the color in play before the Wild card was laid down). 1l a wild card is card on your turn even if you have another plavable card in your hand. ). You may play a wi the color urned dp at the beginning of play, the person to the leftof the dealer cho that continues play. Wild Draw 4 card-When you play this card, you get to choose the color that continues play PLUS the next player must draw 4 cards from the DRAW pile and lose their turn However, there is a hitchl You may only play this card when you do NOT have another card in your hand thet matches the GeLOR on the BISCARD ie (but it is acceptable to play this card if you have matching number or Action Cards). Ifturned up at the beginning of play, return this card to the deck and pick another card. NOTE::If you suspect that a Wild Draw 4 card has been played on yo llegally f.e. the player has a matching card), then you may challenge that player. The challenged player must show you (the challenger) hand. It gulity, the challenged player must draw the 4 cards instead of you. However, if the challenged player is innocent, you must draw the 4 cards PLUS an additional 2 cards (6 total) Wild Swap Hands card-When you play this card, you may choose any opponent and swap al the cards in your hand with all the cards in their hand. This is a wild card so you may play it on your turn even if you have another playable card in your hand. Also, vou choose the color that resumes play if this card is turned up at the beginning of play, the person to the left of the dealer chooses the color that begins play Wild Customizable card-lbea#2pencil to write any house rule you The only limit is your imagination (and the consent ot the other players) game begins, decide how many of these cards to include. You may use wish on a card. onl it's up to you. This is a wild card so you may play it on your turn eorall 3, card in your hand. Also, you choose the color that resumu have another play. NOTE: the cards are erasable, so you may write a newt the beginning of play, the person to the left of the dealer hrd chooses the color GAME OF UNO TAKE THE WILD SWAP HAN CUSTOMIZABLE CARDS OUT OF THE DECK CAR Ds My whole life is a lie!!

My whole life is a lie!!

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allhailthemightyglowingcloud: dukeofbookingham: thepandanni: xbreezepleeze: goneseriesblog: kotten-not-cotton: Thank you Michael Grant for understanding Guys can we get this to 1500?  this man summed up everything i’ve been thinking for years I used to go to a school where the principal purposely made sure we were assigned more homework than normal so that we would be “learning” instead of “on the streets acting like hooligans”. And they wonder why that entire city is known for their drug addicted rich kids. This is so fucking important. “10 hour days” no. Its usually more. All 4 years of highschool I got up at 5:30am to catch the school bus at 6, get to school at 7, school started at 730, ended at like 230pm, wouldn’t get home till 4 or later, homework took sometimes hours upon hours, sometimes until midnight or later, plus you have to figure in eating and this is all with NO social interaction AT ALL. Its a fucked system. Dont miss it at all and feel bad for kids still there. : Michael Grant When I see my kids deal with school I really feel justified in dropping out myself. They come home depressed, angry and exhausted. And these are good schools, some of the best. And still there is something profoundly wrong with the way they work. That's not a knock on teachers, the teachers are the least of the problem. The regimentation, the testing obsession, the college application pressure, the dragging kids out of bed at 7 AM, high school kids working 10 hour days by the time they're done with homework, the fact that there isn't even any minimal co-ordination on homework to keep teachers from all piling on at once. It's deeply fucked up. Its wrong Things are much worse today than they were when Katherine and I were kids. Many days we feel sick to our stomachs dropping our kids off at school. I feel I'm betraying them. And when they come home at the end of another day of enduring this asinine, soul-crushing system, I feel like I should hand them a drink. I'd sure as hell be having one. Let me put it this way: I get paid to do what I do, and I control my own schedule, and I use cigars, caffeine and alcohol to take the edge off a work day that is shorter and easier than what my kids endure. I don't do half the work Jake does You want to know why kids use drugs? We're driving them to it, that's why. And we're doing it for reasons of status, for bullshit credentialing, for the sake of posturing politicians and reckless, stupid adults. Unlike Comment Share 12 hours ago allhailthemightyglowingcloud: dukeofbookingham: thepandanni: xbreezepleeze: goneseriesblog: kotten-not-cotton: Thank you Michael Grant for understanding Guys can we get this to 1500?  this man summed up everything i’ve been thinking for years I used to go to a school where the principal purposely made sure we were assigned more homework than normal so that we would be “learning” instead of “on the streets acting like hooligans”. And they wonder why that entire city is known for their drug addicted rich kids. This is so fucking important. “10 hour days” no. Its usually more. All 4 years of highschool I got up at 5:30am to catch the school bus at 6, get to school at 7, school started at 730, ended at like 230pm, wouldn’t get home till 4 or later, homework took sometimes hours upon hours, sometimes until midnight or later, plus you have to figure in eating and this is all with NO social interaction AT ALL. Its a fucked system. Dont miss it at all and feel bad for kids still there.
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funnygaygirl: kurt-banged-her: laina: unyieldingultimatum: jackthevulture: girltiredofbullshit: blacktionbronson: hominishostilis: playstation2chainz: shocking *ahem* from this post  Woman kills man for refusing to give her beer  Woman stabs man for refusing to have sex with her, threatens to cry rape  Woman rips off man’s testicle because he rejected her, tried to swallow it Woman kills man for refusing to marry her  Woman cuts off man’s penis because of argument  Woman shoots her husband after argument  Woman cuts off cheating boyfriend’s penis, flushes it Woman suspects husband of cheating, stabs him to death  Woman shoots, kills boyfriend for cheating  Woman stabs boyfriend for cheating in Monopoly board game  Woman shoots, kills man for ending relationship  Woman sets husband’s genitals on fire for hugging another woman, dies  Woman kills, dismembers husband’s body over argument  Mother kills 18-month old twins to get back at husband she thought was cheating  Woman kills husband after he confronts her about affair  Woman kills cheating husband with lethal dose of heroin  Woman runs over, kills cheating husband  Obese woman sits on boyfriend, kills him and avoids jail time  Woman kills boyfriend with stiletto shoe Woman murders cheating husband with coffee mug  Woman kills boyfriend for not buying her a gift  Woman kills boyfriend who accused her of cheating  Woman stabs and kills boyfriend , Judge: “I hope you die in prison” Woman shoots, kills ex-boyfriend, buries him in pile of debris  Woman shoots boyfriend in the back of the neck, killing him  Woman shoots boyfriend six times, kills him after argument  Woman stabs, kills boyfriend over mother’s day gift  Woman stabs boyfriend to death, also stabbed her husband to death 7 years prior Woman pushes way into home, stabs boyfriend to death over argument  Woman angry at boyfriend takes her anger out on his 4 year-old  Woman stabs boyfriend to death, thought he was cheating on her  Woman bludgeons husband to death with hammer to pay back loan  Woman stabs, kills boyfriend during argument  Woman murders boyfriend for tweeting out his female crush  Woman shoots and kills boyfriend, kills self while out on bail  Woman stabs to death boyfriend over argument about an ex  Woman stabs and kills boyfriend for social media posts  Woman shoots boyfriend in the face, fails to make it look like suicide  Woman kills boyfriend’s puppies during phone argument Woman shoots boyfriend in the face with rifle during argument  Woman pushes boyfriend off fence after argument, killing him  Woman attacks boyfriend with large knife, intent to kill  Woman abused, threatens to kill boyfriend in sleep Woman beats, murders boyfriend and puts him in freezer because he wanted to break up with her Woman held gun to boyfriend’s head, murders on Christmas  Woman with previous assault charge on another boyfriend stabs and kills different boyfriend  Woman attempts to murder boyfriend with giant breasts  Woman stabs boyfriend in neck, killing him after argument  Woman chokes and stabs ex-boyfriends cat to death  Woman starts argument with boyfriend, stabs and kills with umbrella  Woman kills boyfriend with her car after argument  Woman shoots, kills boyfriend in his bathroom  Woman shoots, kills boyfriend with illegal handgun  Woman sets her boyfriend on fire, killing him  Woman shoots and kills ex-boyfriend multiple times, kills herself Woman shoots boyfriend in the head, found out he was dating other women  Woman stabs and kills boyfriend over finances  Woman stabs and kills boyfriend’s lizard because she thought he was flirting with other women  Woman shoots, kills boyfriend who wanted to end their relationship and urged her to get an abortion  Woman attempts to murder husband with poison in her vagina Woman stabs boyfriend to death after he slaps daughter Woman conspires to have secret lover murder her husband Woman stabs, kills boyfriend over argument on Labor Day Woman stabs boyfriend in the chest over argument  Woman stabs boyfriend to death after finding photos of other women on cell phone  Woman tortured ex-boyfriend’s dog until it died after argument  Woman stabs boyfriend in his chest and through his lung, nearly killing him  Woman fatally stabs boyfriend during heated argument  Woman kills her boyfriend with blunt force trauma to the head using frying pan Woman stabs boyfriend to death for drinking her beer  Woman strangles boyfriend to death during argument  Woman stabs boyfriend with serrated knife over argument  Woman shoots, murders boyfriend while she was on house arrest for another murder 11 years prior  Woman stabs, kills boyfriend then texts friend about eating the body  Woman stabs, kills boyfriend over dispute  Woman shoots boyfriend in the head, suspecting he was cheating  Woman shoots man in the groin after argument  Woman fires handgun into the home of man who denied her a kiss  Woman stabs husband to death over cheating fears  Woman shoots, kills ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend  Women kills husband, commits suicide  Woman shoots and kills man over argument  Woman kills husband with baseball bat for talking back to her  Woman kills husband, confesses to family then shoots herself  Woman stabs boyfriend 31 times after he said ex’s name in his sleep  Woman shoots husband in the head, shoots herself  Woman kills boyfriend over argument at house party  Woman shoots boyfriend with shotgun for texting another woman  Woman kills boyfriend because she “smelled sex on him”  Woman runs over boyfriend, kills him Woman stabs boyfriend in the eye for turning down threesome  Woman stabs ex-boyfriend for refusing to stop playing the Eagles  Woman stabs boyfriend, throws out his prosthetic legs so he can’t chase her  Woman ties up, stabs husband 193 times, jury finds her guilty for suspicion of trying to claim life insurance  Woman stabs fiance for refusing to take her to the liquor store  Woman assaults and threatens boyfriend with knife for not cuddling  Woman stabs man with ceramic squirrel for not bring home beer  Woman stabs taxi driver after he refuses to have sex with her  Woman stabs ex-boyfriend in his penis after discovering he had a new girlfriend Woman stabs boyfriend twice over time he spent in bathroom  Woman stabs boyfriend over Facebook post  Woman stabs her boyfriend several times because his dog ate her marijuana stash  Woman stabs boyfriend for not calling her every two hours  Woman shoots man five times for rejecting her, kills herself  Woman murders ex-boyfriend with liquor laced with poison, was jealous he was engaged to new woman  Comedian Phil Hartman was murdered by his wife on May 27th 1998 NFL player Steve McNair was murdered by his girlfriend on July 4th, 2009 John Wayne Bobbitt had his penis cut completely off on June 23rd, 1993 Travis Alexander was murdered by Jodi Arias on June 4th, 2008 Andrew Bagby was murdered by Shirley Jane Turner on November 6th, 2001 (She later murdered their 1 year-old son on August 18th, 2003) Brenda Spencer killed two and injured nine at Cleveland Elementary School on January 29th, 1979 Laurie Dann killed one boy and injured five others at Hubbard Woods Elementary School on May 20th, 1988 Jennifer San Marco killed eight people at Goleta postal facility on January 30th, 2006 Sylvia Seegrist killed three and injured seven during a shooting spree at a Springfield mall on October 30th, 1985 Mary Ann Holder killed five children including her own son in Pleasent Gardens, NC on November 20th, 2011 Jullian Robbins killed one and injured two at Penn State on September 17th, 1997 Heather Smith killed two then committed suicide at Spanaway Junior High School on November 26th, 1985 Latina Williams killed two others then self at Louisiana Technical College on February 8th, 2008 Amy Bishop Anderson killed three and wounded three others at the University of Alabama on February 12th, 2010 What’s most interesting though is that mainstream media doesn’t even mention female shooters when they claim to show the history of the crime — but I guess they’re going by high scores. While its true that most shooting sprees are committed by males, it is also truethat most child abuse, neglect, and murders are committed by females. Women who killed or attempted to kill children in the news, past 30 days (US): Florida woman shoots, kills her 2 teenage sons  Mother throws 1 year-old daughter under truck, kills her  California mom stabs her 3 daughters to death. all under 2 years old Mother attempts to kill her 3 teenage children  Mother kills her infant son by stabbing him to death  Woman kills 2 year-old girl, attempts to kill 10 year-old boy  Utah mom murders 6 newborns, keeps them in garage  Mother charged with trying to suffocate daughter  Woman charged for killing 8-month old baby  Women who killed or attempted to kill children in the news between January and April 2014 (US): Mother drowns both of her sons aged 3 and 6  Mother attempts to drown her 3 children in ocean  Utah mother shoots and kills two teen daughters, then herself  Mother suffocates 14 month old son, fails at attempted suicide  Woman babysitter murders 19 month old boy  Mom kills 7 month old daughter, blames Jesus  Woman operating illegal daycare responsible for 3 month old girl’s death, police find 14 children in her basement  Mom strangles 3 day old baby boy, discarded body in trashcan  Woman suffocates 2 year old girl of fiance, fakes sexual assault by unknown assailant to cover tracks  Mother charged with killing 2 year-old daughter  Mother of several children with history of violence murdered and buried 2 year-old daughter in shallow grave  Mother stabs and kills her 2 children in exorcism  Mother kills her teen son and daughter, self  Mother confesses to killing 10 year-old son  Mother tortures and kills 3 year-old son, burned genitals with lighter  This is only mid-year and I didn’t even include the reports of mothers killing their children from previous years or other countries.” The only thing “shocking” here is how far you’ve managed to cram your head up your own ass. This post is disturbingly long. REBLOG THE SHIT OF THIS. I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF PEOPLE TREATIG WOMEN LIKE INNOCENT GODDESS WHO NEVER DO ANYTHING WRONG WHILE THEY TREAT ALL MEN LIKE ANIMALS. I debated on whether or not to reblog this but damn those sources are a fucking feat and pretending that they dont exist erases the victims. once in a blue moon someone on tumblr will acknowledge anyone other than a man has done something wrong if your feminism involves overlooking crimes by women then it isn’t feminism if your feminism involves overlooking crimes by women then it isn’t feminism Its almost as if gender doesnt affect concepts such as our basic instincts (eg fight v flight), basic intelligence, and moral compasses.Hmm.: No results found for "woman kills man for rejecting her". funnygaygirl: kurt-banged-her: laina: unyieldingultimatum: jackthevulture: girltiredofbullshit: blacktionbronson: hominishostilis: playstation2chainz: shocking *ahem* from this post  Woman kills man for refusing to give her beer  Woman stabs man for refusing to have sex with her, threatens to cry rape  Woman rips off man’s testicle because he rejected her, tried to swallow it Woman kills man for refusing to marry her  Woman cuts off man’s penis because of argument  Woman shoots her husband after argument  Woman cuts off cheating boyfriend’s penis, flushes it Woman suspects husband of cheating, stabs him to death  Woman shoots, kills boyfriend for cheating  Woman stabs boyfriend for cheating in Monopoly board game  Woman shoots, kills man for ending relationship  Woman sets husband’s genitals on fire for hugging another woman, dies  Woman kills, dismembers husband’s body over argument  Mother kills 18-month old twins to get back at husband she thought was cheating  Woman kills husband after he confronts her about affair  Woman kills cheating husband with lethal dose of heroin  Woman runs over, kills cheating husband  Obese woman sits on boyfriend, kills him and avoids jail time  Woman kills boyfriend with stiletto shoe Woman murders cheating husband with coffee mug  Woman kills boyfriend for not buying her a gift  Woman kills boyfriend who accused her of cheating  Woman stabs and kills boyfriend , Judge: “I hope you die in prison” Woman shoots, kills ex-boyfriend, buries him in pile of debris  Woman shoots boyfriend in the back of the neck, killing him  Woman shoots boyfriend six times, kills him after argument  Woman stabs, kills boyfriend over mother’s day gift  Woman stabs boyfriend to death, also stabbed her husband to death 7 years prior Woman pushes way into home, stabs boyfriend to death over argument  Woman angry at boyfriend takes her anger out on his 4 year-old  Woman stabs boyfriend to death, thought he was cheating on her  Woman bludgeons husband to death with hammer to pay back loan  Woman stabs, kills boyfriend during argument  Woman murders boyfriend for tweeting out his female crush  Woman shoots and kills boyfriend, kills self while out on bail  Woman stabs to death boyfriend over argument about an ex  Woman stabs and kills boyfriend for social media posts  Woman shoots boyfriend in the face, fails to make it look like suicide  Woman kills boyfriend’s puppies during phone argument Woman shoots boyfriend in the face with rifle during argument  Woman pushes boyfriend off fence after argument, killing him  Woman attacks boyfriend with large knife, intent to kill  Woman abused, threatens to kill boyfriend in sleep Woman beats, murders boyfriend and puts him in freezer because he wanted to break up with her Woman held gun to boyfriend’s head, murders on Christmas  Woman with previous assault charge on another boyfriend stabs and kills different boyfriend  Woman attempts to murder boyfriend with giant breasts  Woman stabs boyfriend in neck, killing him after argument  Woman chokes and stabs ex-boyfriends cat to death  Woman starts argument with boyfriend, stabs and kills with umbrella  Woman kills boyfriend with her car after argument  Woman shoots, kills boyfriend in his bathroom  Woman shoots, kills boyfriend with illegal handgun  Woman sets her boyfriend on fire, killing him  Woman shoots and kills ex-boyfriend multiple times, kills herself Woman shoots boyfriend in the head, found out he was dating other women  Woman stabs and kills boyfriend over finances  Woman stabs and kills boyfriend’s lizard because she thought he was flirting with other women  Woman shoots, kills boyfriend who wanted to end their relationship and urged her to get an abortion  Woman attempts to murder husband with poison in her vagina Woman stabs boyfriend to death after he slaps daughter Woman conspires to have secret lover murder her husband Woman stabs, kills boyfriend over argument on Labor Day Woman stabs boyfriend in the chest over argument  Woman stabs boyfriend to death after finding photos of other women on cell phone  Woman tortured ex-boyfriend’s dog until it died after argument  Woman stabs boyfriend in his chest and through his lung, nearly killing him  Woman fatally stabs boyfriend during heated argument  Woman kills her boyfriend with blunt force trauma to the head using frying pan Woman stabs boyfriend to death for drinking her beer  Woman strangles boyfriend to death during argument  Woman stabs boyfriend with serrated knife over argument  Woman shoots, murders boyfriend while she was on house arrest for another murder 11 years prior  Woman stabs, kills boyfriend then texts friend about eating the body  Woman stabs, kills boyfriend over dispute  Woman shoots boyfriend in the head, suspecting he was cheating  Woman shoots man in the groin after argument  Woman fires handgun into the home of man who denied her a kiss  Woman stabs husband to death over cheating fears  Woman shoots, kills ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend  Women kills husband, commits suicide  Woman shoots and kills man over argument  Woman kills husband with baseball bat for talking back to her  Woman kills husband, confesses to family then shoots herself  Woman stabs boyfriend 31 times after he said ex’s name in his sleep  Woman shoots husband in the head, shoots herself  Woman kills boyfriend over argument at house party  Woman shoots boyfriend with shotgun for texting another woman  Woman kills boyfriend because she “smelled sex on him”  Woman runs over boyfriend, kills him Woman stabs boyfriend in the eye for turning down threesome  Woman stabs ex-boyfriend for refusing to stop playing the Eagles  Woman stabs boyfriend, throws out his prosthetic legs so he can’t chase her  Woman ties up, stabs husband 193 times, jury finds her guilty for suspicion of trying to claim life insurance  Woman stabs fiance for refusing to take her to the liquor store  Woman assaults and threatens boyfriend with knife for not cuddling  Woman stabs man with ceramic squirrel for not bring home beer  Woman stabs taxi driver after he refuses to have sex with her  Woman stabs ex-boyfriend in his penis after discovering he had a new girlfriend Woman stabs boyfriend twice over time he spent in bathroom  Woman stabs boyfriend over Facebook post  Woman stabs her boyfriend several times because his dog ate her marijuana stash  Woman stabs boyfriend for not calling her every two hours  Woman shoots man five times for rejecting her, kills herself  Woman murders ex-boyfriend with liquor laced with poison, was jealous he was engaged to new woman  Comedian Phil Hartman was murdered by his wife on May 27th 1998 NFL player Steve McNair was murdered by his girlfriend on July 4th, 2009 John Wayne Bobbitt had his penis cut completely off on June 23rd, 1993 Travis Alexander was murdered by Jodi Arias on June 4th, 2008 Andrew Bagby was murdered by Shirley Jane Turner on November 6th, 2001 (She later murdered their 1 year-old son on August 18th, 2003) Brenda Spencer killed two and injured nine at Cleveland Elementary School on January 29th, 1979 Laurie Dann killed one boy and injured five others at Hubbard Woods Elementary School on May 20th, 1988 Jennifer San Marco killed eight people at Goleta postal facility on January 30th, 2006 Sylvia Seegrist killed three and injured seven during a shooting spree at a Springfield mall on October 30th, 1985 Mary Ann Holder killed five children including her own son in Pleasent Gardens, NC on November 20th, 2011 Jullian Robbins killed one and injured two at Penn State on September 17th, 1997 Heather Smith killed two then committed suicide at Spanaway Junior High School on November 26th, 1985 Latina Williams killed two others then self at Louisiana Technical College on February 8th, 2008 Amy Bishop Anderson killed three and wounded three others at the University of Alabama on February 12th, 2010 What’s most interesting though is that mainstream media doesn’t even mention female shooters when they claim to show the history of the crime — but I guess they’re going by high scores. While its true that most shooting sprees are committed by males, it is also truethat most child abuse, neglect, and murders are committed by females. Women who killed or attempted to kill children in the news, past 30 days (US): Florida woman shoots, kills her 2 teenage sons  Mother throws 1 year-old daughter under truck, kills her  California mom stabs her 3 daughters to death. all under 2 years old Mother attempts to kill her 3 teenage children  Mother kills her infant son by stabbing him to death  Woman kills 2 year-old girl, attempts to kill 10 year-old boy  Utah mom murders 6 newborns, keeps them in garage  Mother charged with trying to suffocate daughter  Woman charged for killing 8-month old baby  Women who killed or attempted to kill children in the news between January and April 2014 (US): Mother drowns both of her sons aged 3 and 6  Mother attempts to drown her 3 children in ocean  Utah mother shoots and kills two teen daughters, then herself  Mother suffocates 14 month old son, fails at attempted suicide  Woman babysitter murders 19 month old boy  Mom kills 7 month old daughter, blames Jesus  Woman operating illegal daycare responsible for 3 month old girl’s death, police find 14 children in her basement  Mom strangles 3 day old baby boy, discarded body in trashcan  Woman suffocates 2 year old girl of fiance, fakes sexual assault by unknown assailant to cover tracks  Mother charged with killing 2 year-old daughter  Mother of several children with history of violence murdered and buried 2 year-old daughter in shallow grave  Mother stabs and kills her 2 children in exorcism  Mother kills her teen son and daughter, self  Mother confesses to killing 10 year-old son  Mother tortures and kills 3 year-old son, burned genitals with lighter  This is only mid-year and I didn’t even include the reports of mothers killing their children from previous years or other countries.” The only thing “shocking” here is how far you’ve managed to cram your head up your own ass. This post is disturbingly long. REBLOG THE SHIT OF THIS. I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF PEOPLE TREATIG WOMEN LIKE INNOCENT GODDESS WHO NEVER DO ANYTHING WRONG WHILE THEY TREAT ALL MEN LIKE ANIMALS. I debated on whether or not to reblog this but damn those sources are a fucking feat and pretending that they dont exist erases the victims. once in a blue moon someone on tumblr will acknowledge anyone other than a man has done something wrong if your feminism involves overlooking crimes by women then it isn’t feminism if your feminism involves overlooking crimes by women then it isn’t feminism Its almost as if gender doesnt affect concepts such as our basic instincts (eg fight v flight), basic intelligence, and moral compasses.Hmm.
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mybigfatgaylife: its-rowark: misanthrobot: rowan-oak-o-flow: delgt: xopachi: skwinky: lntruding: Have you ever been to earth? On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain: You’re an idiot. Let me further explain: Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern. Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY. When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito. And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what: Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND. Nope. My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET. You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers. And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE. What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN. I just want a burrito. In conclusion: You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys. UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”: A fucking fork? I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD. If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER. That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL. Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS. A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now. People eat burritos with forks? God is sorry he made us. (Source) I always need this on my blog. I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning.  Yes @kirkfuffle MY FAVORITE FUCKING POST IS BACK. Finally! I wanted to show this to my brother and I’ve been waiting over a year for it to come back! I want this post and one of the “be nice to underpaid workers” posts to fight it out in the Tumblr Performative Progressivism Thunderdome. : BEANS MOLE J MEAT CHBESE RKE CILAVIZO SALsA Dear Guy Who Just Made My Burrito: Lucky Shirt in Comedy Corner mybigfatgaylife: its-rowark: misanthrobot: rowan-oak-o-flow: delgt: xopachi: skwinky: lntruding: Have you ever been to earth? On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain: You’re an idiot. Let me further explain: Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern. Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY. When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito. And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what: Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND. Nope. My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET. You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers. And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE. What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN. I just want a burrito. In conclusion: You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys. UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”: A fucking fork? I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD. If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER. That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL. Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS. A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now. People eat burritos with forks? God is sorry he made us. (Source) I always need this on my blog. I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning.  Yes @kirkfuffle MY FAVORITE FUCKING POST IS BACK. Finally! I wanted to show this to my brother and I’ve been waiting over a year for it to come back! I want this post and one of the “be nice to underpaid workers” posts to fight it out in the Tumblr Performative Progressivism Thunderdome.
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fuckyeah1990s: inyourheadtheyrestillfighting: fuckyeah1990s: sailorxnibiru: fuckyeah1990s: show-them-all: fuckyeah1990s: misfitreindeer: fuckyeah1990s: mvessick: fuckyeah1990s: i still have hella VHS tapes. no one even cares, i should just throw them in the trash.  Hell, if you don’t want them, I’ll take them. they’ve been in my closet for a year just taking up space… i seriously want to get rid of them now why do you have so many copies of the same videos ….more??? o_O i literally have like 200 copies of Forrest Gump on VHS BUT WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MANY WE WANT ANSWERS ok… fine…  last year, like in the fall/winter. i was driving around to every thrift store in my city, like, probably 30 thrift stores, and i would buy every VHS copy of Forrest Gump, Jurassic Park, Sister Act, Men In Black, Star Wars Episode 1, The Matrix, Space Jam, Speed, and Twister i could find… i have like 100 copies of each at least, 200 of some…whatevs… like i was going through a lot of heartbreak, this girl totally broke my heart, and it was so comforting, driving around the entire city, listening to Apples In Stereo and Guided By Voices, and chillin, buying VHS tapes. It gave me something meaningless and ridiculous to occupy my time with opposed to just being in my room depressed.  But I’m over the girl that broke my heart, its been awhile, and I do have a new girlfriend, and shes amazing and I was like  “So I own over 200 copies of Forrest Gump on VHS, I mean I really like you and I can see us going somewhere, and I think its important to be honest, I have an absurd amount of VHS, and thats not going to change. I mean ever. Like I’m going to own these VHS tapes until I’m dead. Ok, fine, if the tapes do bother you, like I’ll get rid of them… but like you’ll have to explain to my followers why… im doing it for you. I know we don’t know each other that well, this is crazy, but like you’re so cool and you’re so great, that i would give up my VHS tapes for you.” and she was like “90s, relax, having that many VHS tapes is kind of sketch but I’d never tell you to get rid of them.”.. then one night we were in my room watching Game of Thrones on HBOGo, and we start making out until shes like “90s I can’t do anything in here, the VHS tapes sketch me out.” and I was like “Are u serious?” and she was all “Dead serious.” and I was like “Like 2 girls on tumblr have said they’d want me to fuck them on top of a pile of Forrest Gump VHS tapes, like you should be so turned on.” and she was all “90s this is real life not your tumblr ask box, literally no one in the world would want to be fucked on top of a pile of Forrest Gump VHS tapes.” and I was like “I don’t want to fuck on top of Forrest Gump tapes anyway, like do you feel this mattress right now, its like a Serta, its so comfortable. This is a premium deluxe mattress.”  : JURASIRC PARK MATRIX TWISTER MATRIN lBMIB SPEED TWISTER TWISTER TWISTEMLB MEB MB fuckyeah1990s: inyourheadtheyrestillfighting: fuckyeah1990s: sailorxnibiru: fuckyeah1990s: show-them-all: fuckyeah1990s: misfitreindeer: fuckyeah1990s: mvessick: fuckyeah1990s: i still have hella VHS tapes. no one even cares, i should just throw them in the trash.  Hell, if you don’t want them, I’ll take them. they’ve been in my closet for a year just taking up space… i seriously want to get rid of them now why do you have so many copies of the same videos ….more??? o_O i literally have like 200 copies of Forrest Gump on VHS BUT WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MANY WE WANT ANSWERS ok… fine…  last year, like in the fall/winter. i was driving around to every thrift store in my city, like, probably 30 thrift stores, and i would buy every VHS copy of Forrest Gump, Jurassic Park, Sister Act, Men In Black, Star Wars Episode 1, The Matrix, Space Jam, Speed, and Twister i could find… i have like 100 copies of each at least, 200 of some…whatevs… like i was going through a lot of heartbreak, this girl totally broke my heart, and it was so comforting, driving around the entire city, listening to Apples In Stereo and Guided By Voices, and chillin, buying VHS tapes. It gave me something meaningless and ridiculous to occupy my time with opposed to just being in my room depressed.  But I’m over the girl that broke my heart, its been awhile, and I do have a new girlfriend, and shes amazing and I was like  “So I own over 200 copies of Forrest Gump on VHS, I mean I really like you and I can see us going somewhere, and I think its important to be honest, I have an absurd amount of VHS, and thats not going to change. I mean ever. Like I’m going to own these VHS tapes until I’m dead. Ok, fine, if the tapes do bother you, like I’ll get rid of them… but like you’ll have to explain to my followers why… im doing it for you. I know we don’t know each other that well, this is crazy, but like you’re so cool and you’re so great, that i would give up my VHS tapes for you.” and she was like “90s, relax, having that many VHS tapes is kind of sketch but I’d never tell you to get rid of them.”.. then one night we were in my room watching Game of Thrones on HBOGo, and we start making out until shes like “90s I can’t do anything in here, the VHS tapes sketch me out.” and I was like “Are u serious?” and she was all “Dead serious.” and I was like “Like 2 girls on tumblr have said they’d want me to fuck them on top of a pile of Forrest Gump VHS tapes, like you should be so turned on.” and she was all “90s this is real life not your tumblr ask box, literally no one in the world would want to be fucked on top of a pile of Forrest Gump VHS tapes.” and I was like “I don’t want to fuck on top of Forrest Gump tapes anyway, like do you feel this mattress right now, its like a Serta, its so comfortable. This is a premium deluxe mattress.” 
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fuckyeah1990s: inyourheadtheyrestillfighting: fuckyeah1990s: sailorxnibiru: fuckyeah1990s: show-them-all: fuckyeah1990s: misfitreindeer: fuckyeah1990s: mvessick: fuckyeah1990s: i still have hella VHS tapes. no one even cares, i should just throw them in the trash.  Hell, if you don’t want them, I’ll take them. they’ve been in my closet for a year just taking up space… i seriously want to get rid of them now why do you have so many copies of the same videos ….more??? o_O i literally have like 200 copies of Forrest Gump on VHS BUT WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MANY WE WANT ANSWERS ok… fine…  last year, like in the fall/winter. i was driving around to every thrift store in my city, like, probably 30 thrift stores, and i would buy every VHS copy of Forrest Gump, Jurassic Park, Sister Act, Men In Black, Star Wars Episode 1, The Matrix, Space Jam, Speed, and Twister i could find… i have like 100 copies of each at least, 200 of some…whatevs… like i was going through a lot of heartbreak, this girl totally broke my heart, and it was so comforting, driving around the entire city, listening to Apples In Stereo and Guided By Voices, and chillin, buying VHS tapes. It gave me something meaningless and ridiculous to occupy my time with opposed to just being in my room depressed.  But I’m over the girl that broke my heart, its been awhile, and I do have a new girlfriend, and shes amazing and I was like  “So I own over 200 copies of Forrest Gump on VHS, I mean I really like you and I can see us going somewhere, and I think its important to be honest, I have an absurd amount of VHS, and thats not going to change. I mean ever. Like I’m going to own these VHS tapes until I’m dead. Ok, fine, if the tapes do bother you, like I’ll get rid of them… but like you’ll have to explain to my followers why… im doing it for you. I know we don’t know each other that well, this is crazy, but like you’re so cool and you’re so great, that i would give up my VHS tapes for you.” and she was like “90s, relax, having that many VHS tapes is kind of sketch but I’d never tell you to get rid of them.”.. then one night we were in my room watching Game of Thrones on HBOGo, and we start making out until shes like “90s I can’t do anything in here, the VHS tapes sketch me out.” and I was like “Are u serious?” and she was all “Dead serious.” and I was like “Like 2 girls on tumblr have said they’d want me to fuck them on top of a pile of Forrest Gump VHS tapes, like you should be so turned on.” and she was all “90s this is real life not your tumblr ask box, literally no one in the world would want to be fucked on top of a pile of Forrest Gump VHS tapes.” and I was like “I don’t want to fuck on top of Forrest Gump tapes anyway, like do you feel this mattress right now, its like a Serta, its so comfortable. This is a premium deluxe mattress.”  : JURASIRC PARK MATRIX TWISTER MATRIN lBMIB SPEED TWISTER TWISTER TWISTEMLB MEB MB fuckyeah1990s: inyourheadtheyrestillfighting: fuckyeah1990s: sailorxnibiru: fuckyeah1990s: show-them-all: fuckyeah1990s: misfitreindeer: fuckyeah1990s: mvessick: fuckyeah1990s: i still have hella VHS tapes. no one even cares, i should just throw them in the trash.  Hell, if you don’t want them, I’ll take them. they’ve been in my closet for a year just taking up space… i seriously want to get rid of them now why do you have so many copies of the same videos ….more??? o_O i literally have like 200 copies of Forrest Gump on VHS BUT WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MANY WE WANT ANSWERS ok… fine…  last year, like in the fall/winter. i was driving around to every thrift store in my city, like, probably 30 thrift stores, and i would buy every VHS copy of Forrest Gump, Jurassic Park, Sister Act, Men In Black, Star Wars Episode 1, The Matrix, Space Jam, Speed, and Twister i could find… i have like 100 copies of each at least, 200 of some…whatevs… like i was going through a lot of heartbreak, this girl totally broke my heart, and it was so comforting, driving around the entire city, listening to Apples In Stereo and Guided By Voices, and chillin, buying VHS tapes. It gave me something meaningless and ridiculous to occupy my time with opposed to just being in my room depressed.  But I’m over the girl that broke my heart, its been awhile, and I do have a new girlfriend, and shes amazing and I was like  “So I own over 200 copies of Forrest Gump on VHS, I mean I really like you and I can see us going somewhere, and I think its important to be honest, I have an absurd amount of VHS, and thats not going to change. I mean ever. Like I’m going to own these VHS tapes until I’m dead. Ok, fine, if the tapes do bother you, like I’ll get rid of them… but like you’ll have to explain to my followers why… im doing it for you. I know we don’t know each other that well, this is crazy, but like you’re so cool and you’re so great, that i would give up my VHS tapes for you.” and she was like “90s, relax, having that many VHS tapes is kind of sketch but I’d never tell you to get rid of them.”.. then one night we were in my room watching Game of Thrones on HBOGo, and we start making out until shes like “90s I can’t do anything in here, the VHS tapes sketch me out.” and I was like “Are u serious?” and she was all “Dead serious.” and I was like “Like 2 girls on tumblr have said they’d want me to fuck them on top of a pile of Forrest Gump VHS tapes, like you should be so turned on.” and she was all “90s this is real life not your tumblr ask box, literally no one in the world would want to be fucked on top of a pile of Forrest Gump VHS tapes.” and I was like “I don’t want to fuck on top of Forrest Gump tapes anyway, like do you feel this mattress right now, its like a Serta, its so comfortable. This is a premium deluxe mattress.” 
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fuckyeah1990s: inyourheadtheyrestillfighting: fuckyeah1990s: sailorxnibiru: fuckyeah1990s: show-them-all: fuckyeah1990s: misfitreindeer: fuckyeah1990s: mvessick: fuckyeah1990s: i still have hella VHS tapes. no one even cares, i should just throw them in the trash.  Hell, if you don’t want them, I’ll take them. they’ve been in my closet for a year just taking up space… i seriously want to get rid of them now why do you have so many copies of the same videos ….more??? o_O i literally have like 200 copies of Forrest Gump on VHS BUT WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MANY WE WANT ANSWERS ok… fine…  last year, like in the fall/winter. i was driving around to every thrift store in my city, like, probably 30 thrift stores, and i would buy every VHS copy of Forrest Gump, Jurassic Park, Sister Act, Men In Black, Star Wars Episode 1, The Matrix, Space Jam, Speed, and Twister i could find… i have like 100 copies of each at least, 200 of some…whatevs… like i was going through a lot of heartbreak, this girl totally broke my heart, and it was so comforting, driving around the entire city, listening to Apples In Stereo and Guided By Voices, and chillin, buying VHS tapes. It gave me something meaningless and ridiculous to occupy my time with opposed to just being in my room depressed.  But I’m over the girl that broke my heart, its been awhile, and I do have a new girlfriend, and shes amazing and I was like  “So I own over 200 copies of Forrest Gump on VHS, I mean I really like you and I can see us going somewhere, and I think its important to be honest, I have an absurd amount of VHS, and thats not going to change. I mean ever. Like I’m going to own these VHS tapes until I’m dead. Ok, fine, if the tapes do bother you, like I’ll get rid of them… but like you’ll have to explain to my followers why… im doing it for you. I know we don’t know each other that well, this is crazy, but like you’re so cool and you’re so great, that i would give up my VHS tapes for you.” and she was like “90s, relax, having that many VHS tapes is kind of sketch but I’d never tell you to get rid of them.”.. then one night we were in my room watching Game of Thrones on HBOGo, and we start making out until shes like “90s I can’t do anything in here, the VHS tapes sketch me out.” and I was like “Are u serious?” and she was all “Dead serious.” and I was like “Like 2 girls on tumblr have said they’d want me to fuck them on top of a pile of Forrest Gump VHS tapes, like you should be so turned on.” and she was all “90s this is real life not your tumblr ask box, literally no one in the world would want to be fucked on top of a pile of Forrest Gump VHS tapes.” and I was like “I don’t want to fuck on top of Forrest Gump tapes anyway, like do you feel this mattress right now, its like a Serta, its so comfortable. This is a premium deluxe mattress.”  : JURASIRC PARK MATRIX TWISTER MATRIN lBMIB SPEED TWISTER TWISTER TWISTEMLB MEB MB fuckyeah1990s: inyourheadtheyrestillfighting: fuckyeah1990s: sailorxnibiru: fuckyeah1990s: show-them-all: fuckyeah1990s: misfitreindeer: fuckyeah1990s: mvessick: fuckyeah1990s: i still have hella VHS tapes. no one even cares, i should just throw them in the trash.  Hell, if you don’t want them, I’ll take them. they’ve been in my closet for a year just taking up space… i seriously want to get rid of them now why do you have so many copies of the same videos ….more??? o_O i literally have like 200 copies of Forrest Gump on VHS BUT WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MANY WE WANT ANSWERS ok… fine…  last year, like in the fall/winter. i was driving around to every thrift store in my city, like, probably 30 thrift stores, and i would buy every VHS copy of Forrest Gump, Jurassic Park, Sister Act, Men In Black, Star Wars Episode 1, The Matrix, Space Jam, Speed, and Twister i could find… i have like 100 copies of each at least, 200 of some…whatevs… like i was going through a lot of heartbreak, this girl totally broke my heart, and it was so comforting, driving around the entire city, listening to Apples In Stereo and Guided By Voices, and chillin, buying VHS tapes. It gave me something meaningless and ridiculous to occupy my time with opposed to just being in my room depressed.  But I’m over the girl that broke my heart, its been awhile, and I do have a new girlfriend, and shes amazing and I was like  “So I own over 200 copies of Forrest Gump on VHS, I mean I really like you and I can see us going somewhere, and I think its important to be honest, I have an absurd amount of VHS, and thats not going to change. I mean ever. Like I’m going to own these VHS tapes until I’m dead. Ok, fine, if the tapes do bother you, like I’ll get rid of them… but like you’ll have to explain to my followers why… im doing it for you. I know we don’t know each other that well, this is crazy, but like you’re so cool and you’re so great, that i would give up my VHS tapes for you.” and she was like “90s, relax, having that many VHS tapes is kind of sketch but I’d never tell you to get rid of them.”.. then one night we were in my room watching Game of Thrones on HBOGo, and we start making out until shes like “90s I can’t do anything in here, the VHS tapes sketch me out.” and I was like “Are u serious?” and she was all “Dead serious.” and I was like “Like 2 girls on tumblr have said they’d want me to fuck them on top of a pile of Forrest Gump VHS tapes, like you should be so turned on.” and she was all “90s this is real life not your tumblr ask box, literally no one in the world would want to be fucked on top of a pile of Forrest Gump VHS tapes.” and I was like “I don’t want to fuck on top of Forrest Gump tapes anyway, like do you feel this mattress right now, its like a Serta, its so comfortable. This is a premium deluxe mattress.” 
Save