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Chill Bro
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Ends
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Personalize
Personalize
But
But
Greates
Greates
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That
Has No Chill
Has No Chill

chilled Memes



                

            

        
    










            

            
            

                

                    
                

                

                    
                    
                    

                        


	


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    Tumblr, Aliens, and Blog: theatriumlog:

A chilled desert world with exotic flying aliens.
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                
                    Tumblr, Aliens, and Blog: theatriumlog:

A chilled desert world with exotic flying aliens.
                    
                
            

            
                
                
theatriumlog:

A chilled desert world with exotic flying aliens.

                
            
            
        

    



        

    

    
    
    

        

            




    Chill, Christmas, and Cookies: davetheshady:

brawltogethernow:

shapechangersinwinter:

locusimperium:

A few years ago, when I was living in the housing co-op and looking for a quick cookie recipe, I came across a blog post for something called “Norwegian Christmas butter squares.” I’d never found anything like it before: it created rich, buttery and chewy cookies, like a vastly superior version of the holiday sugar cookies I’d eaten growing up. About a year ago I went looking for the recipe again, and failed to find it. The blog had been taken down, and it sent me into momentary panic. 
Luckily, I remembered enough to find it on the Wayback Machine, and quickly copied it into a file that I’ve saved ever since. I probably make these cookies about once a month, and they last about five days around my voracious husband - they’re fantastic with a cup of bitter coffee or tea. I’m skeptical that there is something distinctively Norwegian about these cookies, but they do seem like the perfect thing to eat on a cold day. 

Norwegian Christmas Butter Squares
1 cup unsalted butter, softened
1 egg1 cup sugar2 cups flour1 tsp vanilla½ tsp saltTurbinado/ Raw Sugar for dusting
Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Chill a 9x13″ baking pan in the freezer. Do not grease the pan.
Using a mixer, blend the butter, egg, sugar, and salt together until it is creamy.  Add the flour and vanilla and mix using your hands until the mixture holds together in large clumps. If it seems overly soft, add a little extra flour. 
Using your hands, press the dough out onto the chilled and ungreased baking sheet until it is even and ¼ inch thick.  Dust the top of the cookies evenly with raw sugar.
Bake at 400 degrees until the edges turn a golden brown, about 12-15 minutes. Remove from the oven. Let cool for about five minutes before cutting the cooked dough into squares. Remove the squares from the warm pan using a spatula.



So I tried this recipe.
And it is GREAT.
It basically makes the platonic ideal of commercial sugar cookies, only in bar form. When I give them to people (which I do a lot, because this is one of those simple recipes where the results seem very impressive), I just tell them they’re sugar cookie bars.

Life hack: add white chocolate chips and sea salt

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                
                    Chill, Christmas, and Cookies: davetheshady:

brawltogethernow:

shapechangersinwinter:

locusimperium:

A few years ago, when I was living in the housing co-op and looking for a quick cookie recipe, I came across a blog post for something called “Norwegian Christmas butter squares.” I’d never found anything like it before: it created rich, buttery and chewy cookies, like a vastly superior version of the holiday sugar cookies I’d eaten growing up. About a year ago I went looking for the recipe again, and failed to find it. The blog had been taken down, and it sent me into momentary panic. 
Luckily, I remembered enough to find it on the Wayback Machine, and quickly copied it into a file that I’ve saved ever since. I probably make these cookies about once a month, and they last about five days around my voracious husband - they’re fantastic with a cup of bitter coffee or tea. I’m skeptical that there is something distinctively Norwegian about these cookies, but they do seem like the perfect thing to eat on a cold day. 

Norwegian Christmas Butter Squares
1 cup unsalted butter, softened
1 egg1 cup sugar2 cups flour1 tsp vanilla½ tsp saltTurbinado/ Raw Sugar for dusting
Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Chill a 9x13″ baking pan in the freezer. Do not grease the pan.
Using a mixer, blend the butter, egg, sugar, and salt together until it is creamy.  Add the flour and vanilla and mix using your hands until the mixture holds together in large clumps. If it seems overly soft, add a little extra flour. 
Using your hands, press the dough out onto the chilled and ungreased baking sheet until it is even and ¼ inch thick.  Dust the top of the cookies evenly with raw sugar.
Bake at 400 degrees until the edges turn a golden brown, about 12-15 minutes. Remove from the oven. Let cool for about five minutes before cutting the cooked dough into squares. Remove the squares from the warm pan using a spatula.



So I tried this recipe.
And it is GREAT.
It basically makes the platonic ideal of commercial sugar cookies, only in bar form. When I give them to people (which I do a lot, because this is one of those simple recipes where the results seem very impressive), I just tell them they’re sugar cookie bars.

Life hack: add white chocolate chips and sea salt

                    
                
            

            
                
                
davetheshady:

brawltogethernow:

shapechangersinwinter:

locusimperium:

A few years ago, when I was living in the housing co-op and lookin...

                
            
            
        

    



        

    

    
    
    

        

            



        

    

    
    
    

        

            



        

    

    
    
    

        

            



        

    

    
    
    

        

            



        

    

    
    
    

        

            
            
        

    

    
    

        

            



        

    

    
    
    

        

            



        

    

    
    
    

        

            



        

    

    
    
    

        

            



        

    

    
    
    

        

            




    Ass, Chill, and Dope: <p><a href="http://daryltakahashi.tumblr.com/post/165767145525/libertarirynn-bird-big-simonalkenmayer" class="tumblr_blog">daryltakahashi</a>:</p><blockquote>
<p><a href="https://libertarirynn.tumblr.com/post/165747658929/bird-big-simonalkenmayer-xodollfacexo" class="tumblr_blog">libertarirynn</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://bird-big.tumblr.com/post/165738071661/simonalkenmayer-xodollfacexo" class="tumblr_blog">bird-big</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://simonalkenmayer.tumblr.com/post/165737826009/xodollfacexo-dickscentedroses" class="tumblr_blog">simonalkenmayer</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://xodollfacexo.tumblr.com/post/165646618179/dickscentedroses-mainmanblackdynamite" class="tumblr_blog">xodollfacexo</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://dickscentedroses.tumblr.com/post/165629232162/mainmanblackdynamite-thighetician" class="tumblr_blog">dickscentedroses</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://mainmanblackdynamite.tumblr.com/post/165628568911/thighetician-kingjaffejoffer" class="tumblr_blog">mainmanblackdynamite</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://thighetician.tumblr.com/post/165627387975/kingjaffejoffer-fatrolldarksouls" class="tumblr_blog">thighetician</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://kingjaffejoffer.tumblr.com/post/165627291474/fatrolldarksouls-colachampagnedad" class="tumblr_blog">kingjaffejoffer</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://fatrolldarksouls.tumblr.com/post/165626667484/colachampagnedad-kingjaffejoffer" class="tumblr_blog">fatrolldarksouls</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://colachampagnedad.com/post/165624938730/kingjaffejoffer-roundedtaurus" class="tumblr_blog">colachampagnedad</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://kingjaffejoffer.tumblr.com/post/165621493304/roundedtaurus-kingjaffejoffer" class="tumblr_blog">kingjaffejoffer</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://roundedtaurus.tumblr.com/post/165608725006/kingjaffejoffer-coldestttsummerr" class="tumblr_blog">roundedtaurus</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://kingjaffejoffer.tumblr.com/post/165599326879/coldestttsummerr-stimsbian-by" class="tumblr_blog">kingjaffejoffer</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://coldestttsummerr.tumblr.com/post/165573289115/stimsbian-by-massababistro-his-hands" class="tumblr_blog">coldestttsummerr</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://stimsbian.tumblr.com/post/164476125867/by-massababistro" class="tumblr_blog">stimsbian</a>:</p>

<blockquote><p>🌬 by massa_babistro 🌬</p></blockquote>

<p>his hands ain’t cold?</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Thats cool and all, but they really could have just used one of these</p>
<figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="312" data-orig-width="540" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/d85fbf6c2b7bbd30e19b9e76b65de721/tumblr_inline_owvamwqHK31rw09tq_540.jpg"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/3abce456226084a1db011bf552e0fa05/tumblr_inline_owwlmimtpw1rw09tq_540.jpg" data-orig-height="312" data-orig-width="540" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/d85fbf6c2b7bbd30e19b9e76b65de721/tumblr_inline_owvamwqHK31rw09tq_540.jpg"/></figure></blockquote>

<p>No, because this is a service you get at a bar. It’s nice to have someone do this for you because they know the exact size of the glass/ how much whisky you’re getting. </p>
<p>ALSO BELEIVE IT OR NOT YOU PLEBIANS DONT KNOW THAT  the truth is that the quality of your ice plays greatly into the way your drink tastes!!!! </p>
<p>These guys get the dope ass ice that’s imported and soft that’s meant for carving and it’s c r y s t a l clear.</p>
<p>If you’re drinking shitty ice cube molds from bottled/ tap water ur drinking cheap whisky ☕️</p>
</blockquote>

<p>It’s impossible for me to have rolled my eyes any harder at all of this.</p>
<p><br/></p>
<p>“BUT THE ICE THAT’S GOING TO BE SUBMERGED IN YOUR DRINK IS CLEAR”</p>
</blockquote>

<p>“If you’re drinking shitty ice cube molds from bottled/ tap water ur drinking cheap whiskey”</p>
<p><br/></p>
<h2>so be it, make me the cheapest shit you got im just here to get turnt.</h2>
<figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="280" data-orig-width="500" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/f30108e39084dcd015aee0f89a018e2d/tumblr_inline_owvamwiPBj1rw09tq_540.gif"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/f30108e39084dcd015aee0f89a018e2d/tumblr_inline_owwlmiQxuw1rw09tq_540.gif" data-orig-height="280" data-orig-width="500" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/f30108e39084dcd015aee0f89a018e2d/tumblr_inline_owvamwiPBj1rw09tq_540.gif"/></figure></blockquote>

<p>The attitude towards the bartenders labor is what separates the wealthy and cultured from the poor. The rich drink to enjoy alcohol, the poor drink to forget their shitty lives. Either way I prefer my drinks with a show, I dont mind paying more for finely sculpted ice.</p>
</blockquote>

<p>It keeps getting worse with each reblog </p>
</blockquote>
<p>Fatrolldarksouls thinks he’s a part of the bourgeois by virtue of getting drunk at the local Benihana resteraunt</p>
</blockquote>

<p>😂😂😂😂😂</p>
</blockquote>

<p>LMFAOOOOOO</p>
</blockquote>

<p>This thread is so incredibly enjoyable </p>
</blockquote>

<p>Also…take it from someone with enough money to buy these things…</p>
<p>It is all complete rubbish.</p>
<p>First of all, if you’re drinking an expensive, single barrel, aged whisky, scotch, bourbon, whiskey with ice in it…I will cut your throat and have mine with your blood in it, you tasteless scum. Why? Because that is a hand crafted thing made with time and the effort of generations, and you’ve just watered it down. What’s the matter with you? Do you water down your milk too? Are you an infant?</p>
<p>The fact is that water and ice do different hings to these spirits, but you have to know what you’re mucking with. A FEW DROPS of water is all that is required to bring down the strength of the whiskey and open up the aromatics. Secondly, while that giant globe of ice might chill the spirit down swiftly, and water the alcohol content down so that it is more easily imbibed, it fills and flattens the flavor.</p>
<p>Secondly, while the water you use to alter whiskey should be pure (mineralogy really does change the flavor) you can make an ice cube from a silicone mold and be just as happy, you complete sod.</p>
<p>Thirdly, if you are taking one finger of an Islay and putting it over a giant globe of ice…I will shove the whole thing down your throat. Use a chilled unleaded crystal tumbler or marble ice cubes. If you cannot take the heat of the product, then don’t drink it. Half of the tasting notes come from the spirit evaporating in the mouth. You’d be smarter to try drinking it from a heated glass like cognac, Armagnac, and so on than adding water to it. Allow the spirit to heat and the evaporation of the alcohol to fill the sinus.</p>
<p>If you are going to invest money in a hung, know that thing. Be respectful of it. Don’t hire some poor sod to outfit you with a hand cut piece of nouveau riche stupidity that makes you feel like you’re actually sharing in an appropriated tradition. Otherwise someone like myself will turn that hefty shaved ball into a weapon and drink scotch over your corpse.</p>
<p>And might I point out, you ridiculous idiots with your flagrant spending designed to distract you from your own mortality and grievous lack of intellect, that these traditions of spirit making all originated in the pot and tower stills of poor farmers and rural chaps. It did not originate in a crystal palace of privilege.</p>
<p>You are not refined because you throw good money at a thing and then ruin it with stupidity. You are not wise because you pay someone to destroy your liquor. You are not better than anyone because you drink to enjoy the taste, and oh yes, happen to experience the precise thing for which the distillate was intended. You are no better than any other person, and you have no right to presume that simply because you have seen a gloved ice cube in a Bond film, it makes you classy.</p>
<p>You’re a rich idiot. Not a connesieur who knows when to invest in a fine thing.</p>
</blockquote>

<p>anyone in this thread smoke weed</p>
</blockquote>
<p>If not y'all should try some to mellow the fuck out.</p>
</blockquote>

<p>Things are heating up in the alcohol fandom</p>
</blockquote>
<p>It’s even funnier if you read their bio:

</p><blockquote><p>I am a very old monster., or I suppose the correct term is “Anthropophagic cryptid”. Yes, a real one. No, not an artistic creation or a plea for attention. I eat humans. I write about it. And for some reason, people find it amusing. Probably because you’re not quite right in the head. I am not a cannibal; I would never eat my own species. You may call me Simon or Simone if you like; I don’t have a biological sex that I know of, so use whatever pronouns you like. You can expect to see me post regularly about history, food, politics, civil rights, philosophy, some fashion or antiques, and possibly things of a darkly comedic or horrifying bent. I’m not here to amuse you or to prove what I am. I am here to interact and gather data. And possibly make friends with the polite ones, though those are sometimes difficult to find. 
This Tumblr blog is but one part of my extensive and ongoing social media/publishing experiment to demonstrate how humanity is killing itself with fiction. I can do this, you see, because I exist, but you are desensitized and find me silly, especially here on Tumblr, where the Otherkin run amok. I invite you to read my “about” page to better understand the experiment I am conducting, 
If you have an “ask”, you may pose it anonymously, though if you vex me, there will be consequences. 
I organize most “asks” by reblogging them onto a secondary blog @monstrousfaq, which it may help you to peruse, if you have a question that is likely to have been asked by someone else.
My website 
My published works</p></blockquote>
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                
                    Ass, Chill, and Dope: <p><a href="http://daryltakahashi.tumblr.com/post/165767145525/libertarirynn-bird-big-simonalkenmayer" class="tumblr_blog">daryltakahashi</a>:</p><blockquote>
<p><a href="https://libertarirynn.tumblr.com/post/165747658929/bird-big-simonalkenmayer-xodollfacexo" class="tumblr_blog">libertarirynn</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://bird-big.tumblr.com/post/165738071661/simonalkenmayer-xodollfacexo" class="tumblr_blog">bird-big</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://simonalkenmayer.tumblr.com/post/165737826009/xodollfacexo-dickscentedroses" class="tumblr_blog">simonalkenmayer</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://xodollfacexo.tumblr.com/post/165646618179/dickscentedroses-mainmanblackdynamite" class="tumblr_blog">xodollfacexo</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://dickscentedroses.tumblr.com/post/165629232162/mainmanblackdynamite-thighetician" class="tumblr_blog">dickscentedroses</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://mainmanblackdynamite.tumblr.com/post/165628568911/thighetician-kingjaffejoffer" class="tumblr_blog">mainmanblackdynamite</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://thighetician.tumblr.com/post/165627387975/kingjaffejoffer-fatrolldarksouls" class="tumblr_blog">thighetician</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://kingjaffejoffer.tumblr.com/post/165627291474/fatrolldarksouls-colachampagnedad" class="tumblr_blog">kingjaffejoffer</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://fatrolldarksouls.tumblr.com/post/165626667484/colachampagnedad-kingjaffejoffer" class="tumblr_blog">fatrolldarksouls</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://colachampagnedad.com/post/165624938730/kingjaffejoffer-roundedtaurus" class="tumblr_blog">colachampagnedad</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://kingjaffejoffer.tumblr.com/post/165621493304/roundedtaurus-kingjaffejoffer" class="tumblr_blog">kingjaffejoffer</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://roundedtaurus.tumblr.com/post/165608725006/kingjaffejoffer-coldestttsummerr" class="tumblr_blog">roundedtaurus</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://kingjaffejoffer.tumblr.com/post/165599326879/coldestttsummerr-stimsbian-by" class="tumblr_blog">kingjaffejoffer</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://coldestttsummerr.tumblr.com/post/165573289115/stimsbian-by-massababistro-his-hands" class="tumblr_blog">coldestttsummerr</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://stimsbian.tumblr.com/post/164476125867/by-massababistro" class="tumblr_blog">stimsbian</a>:</p>

<blockquote><p>🌬 by massa_babistro 🌬</p></blockquote>

<p>his hands ain’t cold?</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Thats cool and all, but they really could have just used one of these</p>
<figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="312" data-orig-width="540" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/d85fbf6c2b7bbd30e19b9e76b65de721/tumblr_inline_owvamwqHK31rw09tq_540.jpg"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/3abce456226084a1db011bf552e0fa05/tumblr_inline_owwlmimtpw1rw09tq_540.jpg" data-orig-height="312" data-orig-width="540" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/d85fbf6c2b7bbd30e19b9e76b65de721/tumblr_inline_owvamwqHK31rw09tq_540.jpg"/></figure></blockquote>

<p>No, because this is a service you get at a bar. It’s nice to have someone do this for you because they know the exact size of the glass/ how much whisky you’re getting. </p>
<p>ALSO BELEIVE IT OR NOT YOU PLEBIANS DONT KNOW THAT  the truth is that the quality of your ice plays greatly into the way your drink tastes!!!! </p>
<p>These guys get the dope ass ice that’s imported and soft that’s meant for carving and it’s c r y s t a l clear.</p>
<p>If you’re drinking shitty ice cube molds from bottled/ tap water ur drinking cheap whisky ☕️</p>
</blockquote>

<p>It’s impossible for me to have rolled my eyes any harder at all of this.</p>
<p><br/></p>
<p>“BUT THE ICE THAT’S GOING TO BE SUBMERGED IN YOUR DRINK IS CLEAR”</p>
</blockquote>

<p>“If you’re drinking shitty ice cube molds from bottled/ tap water ur drinking cheap whiskey”</p>
<p><br/></p>
<h2>so be it, make me the cheapest shit you got im just here to get turnt.</h2>
<figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="280" data-orig-width="500" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/f30108e39084dcd015aee0f89a018e2d/tumblr_inline_owvamwiPBj1rw09tq_540.gif"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/f30108e39084dcd015aee0f89a018e2d/tumblr_inline_owwlmiQxuw1rw09tq_540.gif" data-orig-height="280" data-orig-width="500" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/f30108e39084dcd015aee0f89a018e2d/tumblr_inline_owvamwiPBj1rw09tq_540.gif"/></figure></blockquote>

<p>The attitude towards the bartenders labor is what separates the wealthy and cultured from the poor. The rich drink to enjoy alcohol, the poor drink to forget their shitty lives. Either way I prefer my drinks with a show, I dont mind paying more for finely sculpted ice.</p>
</blockquote>

<p>It keeps getting worse with each reblog </p>
</blockquote>
<p>Fatrolldarksouls thinks he’s a part of the bourgeois by virtue of getting drunk at the local Benihana resteraunt</p>
</blockquote>

<p>😂😂😂😂😂</p>
</blockquote>

<p>LMFAOOOOOO</p>
</blockquote>

<p>This thread is so incredibly enjoyable </p>
</blockquote>

<p>Also…take it from someone with enough money to buy these things…</p>
<p>It is all complete rubbish.</p>
<p>First of all, if you’re drinking an expensive, single barrel, aged whisky, scotch, bourbon, whiskey with ice in it…I will cut your throat and have mine with your blood in it, you tasteless scum. Why? Because that is a hand crafted thing made with time and the effort of generations, and you’ve just watered it down. What’s the matter with you? Do you water down your milk too? Are you an infant?</p>
<p>The fact is that water and ice do different hings to these spirits, but you have to know what you’re mucking with. A FEW DROPS of water is all that is required to bring down the strength of the whiskey and open up the aromatics. Secondly, while that giant globe of ice might chill the spirit down swiftly, and water the alcohol content down so that it is more easily imbibed, it fills and flattens the flavor.</p>
<p>Secondly, while the water you use to alter whiskey should be pure (mineralogy really does change the flavor) you can make an ice cube from a silicone mold and be just as happy, you complete sod.</p>
<p>Thirdly, if you are taking one finger of an Islay and putting it over a giant globe of ice…I will shove the whole thing down your throat. Use a chilled unleaded crystal tumbler or marble ice cubes. If you cannot take the heat of the product, then don’t drink it. Half of the tasting notes come from the spirit evaporating in the mouth. You’d be smarter to try drinking it from a heated glass like cognac, Armagnac, and so on than adding water to it. Allow the spirit to heat and the evaporation of the alcohol to fill the sinus.</p>
<p>If you are going to invest money in a hung, know that thing. Be respectful of it. Don’t hire some poor sod to outfit you with a hand cut piece of nouveau riche stupidity that makes you feel like you’re actually sharing in an appropriated tradition. Otherwise someone like myself will turn that hefty shaved ball into a weapon and drink scotch over your corpse.</p>
<p>And might I point out, you ridiculous idiots with your flagrant spending designed to distract you from your own mortality and grievous lack of intellect, that these traditions of spirit making all originated in the pot and tower stills of poor farmers and rural chaps. It did not originate in a crystal palace of privilege.</p>
<p>You are not refined because you throw good money at a thing and then ruin it with stupidity. You are not wise because you pay someone to destroy your liquor. You are not better than anyone because you drink to enjoy the taste, and oh yes, happen to experience the precise thing for which the distillate was intended. You are no better than any other person, and you have no right to presume that simply because you have seen a gloved ice cube in a Bond film, it makes you classy.</p>
<p>You’re a rich idiot. Not a connesieur who knows when to invest in a fine thing.</p>
</blockquote>

<p>anyone in this thread smoke weed</p>
</blockquote>
<p>If not y'all should try some to mellow the fuck out.</p>
</blockquote>

<p>Things are heating up in the alcohol fandom</p>
</blockquote>
<p>It’s even funnier if you read their bio:

</p><blockquote><p>I am a very old monster., or I suppose the correct term is “Anthropophagic cryptid”. Yes, a real one. No, not an artistic creation or a plea for attention. I eat humans. I write about it. And for some reason, people find it amusing. Probably because you’re not quite right in the head. I am not a cannibal; I would never eat my own species. You may call me Simon or Simone if you like; I don’t have a biological sex that I know of, so use whatever pronouns you like. You can expect to see me post regularly about history, food, politics, civil rights, philosophy, some fashion or antiques, and possibly things of a darkly comedic or horrifying bent. I’m not here to amuse you or to prove what I am. I am here to interact and gather data. And possibly make friends with the polite ones, though those are sometimes difficult to find. 
This Tumblr blog is but one part of my extensive and ongoing social media/publishing experiment to demonstrate how humanity is killing itself with fiction. I can do this, you see, because I exist, but you are desensitized and find me silly, especially here on Tumblr, where the Otherkin run amok. I invite you to read my “about” page to better understand the experiment I am conducting, 
If you have an “ask”, you may pose it anonymously, though if you vex me, there will be consequences. 
I organize most “asks” by reblogging them onto a secondary blog @monstrousfaq, which it may help you to peruse, if you have a question that is likely to have been asked by someone else.
My website 
My published works</p></blockquote>
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    



        

    

    
    
    

        

            




    Ass, Chill, and Dope: <p><a href="http://bird-big.tumblr.com/post/165738071661/simonalkenmayer-xodollfacexo" class="tumblr_blog">bird-big</a>:</p><blockquote>
<p><a href="https://simonalkenmayer.tumblr.com/post/165737826009/xodollfacexo-dickscentedroses" class="tumblr_blog">simonalkenmayer</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://xodollfacexo.tumblr.com/post/165646618179/dickscentedroses-mainmanblackdynamite" class="tumblr_blog">xodollfacexo</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://dickscentedroses.tumblr.com/post/165629232162/mainmanblackdynamite-thighetician" class="tumblr_blog">dickscentedroses</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://mainmanblackdynamite.tumblr.com/post/165628568911/thighetician-kingjaffejoffer" class="tumblr_blog">mainmanblackdynamite</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://thighetician.tumblr.com/post/165627387975/kingjaffejoffer-fatrolldarksouls" class="tumblr_blog">thighetician</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://kingjaffejoffer.tumblr.com/post/165627291474/fatrolldarksouls-colachampagnedad" class="tumblr_blog">kingjaffejoffer</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://fatrolldarksouls.tumblr.com/post/165626667484/colachampagnedad-kingjaffejoffer" class="tumblr_blog">fatrolldarksouls</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://colachampagnedad.com/post/165624938730/kingjaffejoffer-roundedtaurus" class="tumblr_blog">colachampagnedad</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://kingjaffejoffer.tumblr.com/post/165621493304/roundedtaurus-kingjaffejoffer" class="tumblr_blog">kingjaffejoffer</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://roundedtaurus.tumblr.com/post/165608725006/kingjaffejoffer-coldestttsummerr" class="tumblr_blog">roundedtaurus</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://kingjaffejoffer.tumblr.com/post/165599326879/coldestttsummerr-stimsbian-by" class="tumblr_blog">kingjaffejoffer</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://coldestttsummerr.tumblr.com/post/165573289115/stimsbian-by-massababistro-his-hands" class="tumblr_blog">coldestttsummerr</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://stimsbian.tumblr.com/post/164476125867/by-massababistro" class="tumblr_blog">stimsbian</a>:</p>

<blockquote><p>🌬 by massa_babistro 🌬</p></blockquote>

<p>his hands ain’t cold?</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Thats cool and all, but they really could have just used one of these</p>
<figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="312" data-orig-width="540" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/ee4b0c0fbd21a44eab5f70284cd1574c/tumblr_inline_ownnwfhEc21qlbkes_540.jpg"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/d85fbf6c2b7bbd30e19b9e76b65de721/tumblr_inline_owvamwqHK31rw09tq_540.jpg" data-orig-height="312" data-orig-width="540" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/ee4b0c0fbd21a44eab5f70284cd1574c/tumblr_inline_ownnwfhEc21qlbkes_540.jpg"/></figure></blockquote>

<p>No, because this is a service you get at a bar. It’s nice to have someone do this for you because they know the exact size of the glass/ how much whisky you’re getting. </p>
<p>ALSO BELEIVE IT OR NOT YOU PLEBIANS DONT KNOW THAT  the truth is that the quality of your ice plays greatly into the way your drink tastes!!!! </p>
<p>These guys get the dope ass ice that’s imported and soft that’s meant for carving and it’s c r y s t a l clear.</p>
<p>If you’re drinking shitty ice cube molds from bottled/ tap water ur drinking cheap whisky ☕️</p>
</blockquote>

<p>It’s impossible for me to have rolled my eyes any harder at all of this.</p>
<p><br/></p>
<p>“BUT THE ICE THAT’S GOING TO BE SUBMERGED IN YOUR DRINK IS CLEAR”</p>
</blockquote>

<p>“If you’re drinking shitty ice cube molds from bottled/ tap water ur drinking cheap whiskey”</p>
<p><br/></p>
<h2>so be it, make me the cheapest shit you got im just here to get turnt.</h2>
<figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="280" data-orig-width="500" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/f30108e39084dcd015aee0f89a018e2d/tumblr_inline_owp3huiSHH1toptfb_500.gif"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/f30108e39084dcd015aee0f89a018e2d/tumblr_inline_owvamwiPBj1rw09tq_540.gif" data-orig-height="280" data-orig-width="500" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/f30108e39084dcd015aee0f89a018e2d/tumblr_inline_owp3huiSHH1toptfb_500.gif"/></figure></blockquote>

<p>The attitude towards the bartenders labor is what separates the wealthy and cultured from the poor. The rich drink to enjoy alcohol, the poor drink to forget their shitty lives. Either way I prefer my drinks with a show, I dont mind paying more for finely sculpted ice.</p>
</blockquote>

<p>It keeps getting worse with each reblog </p>
</blockquote>
<p>Fatrolldarksouls thinks he’s a part of the bourgeois by virtue of getting drunk at the local Benihana resteraunt</p>
</blockquote>

<p>😂😂😂😂😂</p>
</blockquote>

<p>LMFAOOOOOO</p>
</blockquote>

<p>This thread is so incredibly enjoyable </p>
</blockquote>

<p>Also…take it from someone with enough money to buy these things…</p>
<p>It is all complete rubbish.</p>
<p>First of all, if you’re drinking an expensive, single barrel, aged whisky, scotch, bourbon, whiskey with ice in it…I will cut your throat and have mine with your blood in it, you tasteless scum. Why? Because that is a hand crafted thing made with time and the effort of generations, and you’ve just watered it down. What’s the matter with you? Do you water down your milk too? Are you an infant?</p>
<p>The fact is that water and ice do different hings to these spirits, but you have to know what you’re mucking with. A FEW DROPS of water is all that is required to bring down the strength of the whiskey and open up the aromatics. Secondly, while that giant globe of ice might chill the spirit down swiftly, and water the alcohol content down so that it is more easily imbibed, it fills and flattens the flavor.</p>
<p>Secondly, while the water you use to alter whiskey should be pure (mineralogy really does change the flavor) you can make an ice cube from a silicone mold and be just as happy, you complete sod.</p>
<p>Thirdly, if you are taking one finger of an Islay and putting it over a giant globe of ice…I will shove the whole thing down your throat. Use a chilled unleaded crystal tumbler or marble ice cubes. If you cannot take the heat of the product, then don’t drink it. Half of the tasting notes come from the spirit evaporating in the mouth. You’d be smarter to try drinking it from a heated glass like cognac, Armagnac, and so on than adding water to it. Allow the spirit to heat and the evaporation of the alcohol to fill the sinus.</p>
<p>If you are going to invest money in a hung, know that thing. Be respectful of it. Don’t hire some poor sod to outfit you with a hand cut piece of nouveau riche stupidity that makes you feel like you’re actually sharing in an appropriated tradition. Otherwise someone like myself will turn that hefty shaved ball into a weapon and drink scotch over your corpse.</p>
<p>And might I point out, you ridiculous idiots with your flagrant spending designed to distract you from your own mortality and grievous lack of intellect, that these traditions of spirit making all originated in the pot and tower stills of poor farmers and rural chaps. It did not originate in a crystal palace of privilege.</p>
<p>You are not refined because you throw good money at a thing and then ruin it with stupidity. You are not wise because you pay someone to destroy your liquor. You are not better than anyone because you drink to enjoy the taste, and oh yes, happen to experience the precise thing for which the distillate was intended. You are no better than any other person, and you have no right to presume that simply because you have seen a gloved ice cube in a Bond film, it makes you classy.</p>
<p>You’re a rich idiot. Not a connesieur who knows when to invest in a fine thing.</p>
</blockquote>

<p>anyone in this thread smoke weed</p>
</blockquote>
<p>If not y'all should try some to mellow the fuck out.</p>
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                
                    Ass, Chill, and Dope: <p><a href="http://bird-big.tumblr.com/post/165738071661/simonalkenmayer-xodollfacexo" class="tumblr_blog">bird-big</a>:</p><blockquote>
<p><a href="https://simonalkenmayer.tumblr.com/post/165737826009/xodollfacexo-dickscentedroses" class="tumblr_blog">simonalkenmayer</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://xodollfacexo.tumblr.com/post/165646618179/dickscentedroses-mainmanblackdynamite" class="tumblr_blog">xodollfacexo</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://dickscentedroses.tumblr.com/post/165629232162/mainmanblackdynamite-thighetician" class="tumblr_blog">dickscentedroses</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://mainmanblackdynamite.tumblr.com/post/165628568911/thighetician-kingjaffejoffer" class="tumblr_blog">mainmanblackdynamite</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://thighetician.tumblr.com/post/165627387975/kingjaffejoffer-fatrolldarksouls" class="tumblr_blog">thighetician</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://kingjaffejoffer.tumblr.com/post/165627291474/fatrolldarksouls-colachampagnedad" class="tumblr_blog">kingjaffejoffer</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://fatrolldarksouls.tumblr.com/post/165626667484/colachampagnedad-kingjaffejoffer" class="tumblr_blog">fatrolldarksouls</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://colachampagnedad.com/post/165624938730/kingjaffejoffer-roundedtaurus" class="tumblr_blog">colachampagnedad</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://kingjaffejoffer.tumblr.com/post/165621493304/roundedtaurus-kingjaffejoffer" class="tumblr_blog">kingjaffejoffer</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://roundedtaurus.tumblr.com/post/165608725006/kingjaffejoffer-coldestttsummerr" class="tumblr_blog">roundedtaurus</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://kingjaffejoffer.tumblr.com/post/165599326879/coldestttsummerr-stimsbian-by" class="tumblr_blog">kingjaffejoffer</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://coldestttsummerr.tumblr.com/post/165573289115/stimsbian-by-massababistro-his-hands" class="tumblr_blog">coldestttsummerr</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://stimsbian.tumblr.com/post/164476125867/by-massababistro" class="tumblr_blog">stimsbian</a>:</p>

<blockquote><p>🌬 by massa_babistro 🌬</p></blockquote>

<p>his hands ain’t cold?</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Thats cool and all, but they really could have just used one of these</p>
<figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="312" data-orig-width="540" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/ee4b0c0fbd21a44eab5f70284cd1574c/tumblr_inline_ownnwfhEc21qlbkes_540.jpg"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/d85fbf6c2b7bbd30e19b9e76b65de721/tumblr_inline_owvamwqHK31rw09tq_540.jpg" data-orig-height="312" data-orig-width="540" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/ee4b0c0fbd21a44eab5f70284cd1574c/tumblr_inline_ownnwfhEc21qlbkes_540.jpg"/></figure></blockquote>

<p>No, because this is a service you get at a bar. It’s nice to have someone do this for you because they know the exact size of the glass/ how much whisky you’re getting. </p>
<p>ALSO BELEIVE IT OR NOT YOU PLEBIANS DONT KNOW THAT  the truth is that the quality of your ice plays greatly into the way your drink tastes!!!! </p>
<p>These guys get the dope ass ice that’s imported and soft that’s meant for carving and it’s c r y s t a l clear.</p>
<p>If you’re drinking shitty ice cube molds from bottled/ tap water ur drinking cheap whisky ☕️</p>
</blockquote>

<p>It’s impossible for me to have rolled my eyes any harder at all of this.</p>
<p><br/></p>
<p>“BUT THE ICE THAT’S GOING TO BE SUBMERGED IN YOUR DRINK IS CLEAR”</p>
</blockquote>

<p>“If you’re drinking shitty ice cube molds from bottled/ tap water ur drinking cheap whiskey”</p>
<p><br/></p>
<h2>so be it, make me the cheapest shit you got im just here to get turnt.</h2>
<figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="280" data-orig-width="500" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/f30108e39084dcd015aee0f89a018e2d/tumblr_inline_owp3huiSHH1toptfb_500.gif"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/f30108e39084dcd015aee0f89a018e2d/tumblr_inline_owvamwiPBj1rw09tq_540.gif" data-orig-height="280" data-orig-width="500" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/f30108e39084dcd015aee0f89a018e2d/tumblr_inline_owp3huiSHH1toptfb_500.gif"/></figure></blockquote>

<p>The attitude towards the bartenders labor is what separates the wealthy and cultured from the poor. The rich drink to enjoy alcohol, the poor drink to forget their shitty lives. Either way I prefer my drinks with a show, I dont mind paying more for finely sculpted ice.</p>
</blockquote>

<p>It keeps getting worse with each reblog </p>
</blockquote>
<p>Fatrolldarksouls thinks he’s a part of the bourgeois by virtue of getting drunk at the local Benihana resteraunt</p>
</blockquote>

<p>😂😂😂😂😂</p>
</blockquote>

<p>LMFAOOOOOO</p>
</blockquote>

<p>This thread is so incredibly enjoyable </p>
</blockquote>

<p>Also…take it from someone with enough money to buy these things…</p>
<p>It is all complete rubbish.</p>
<p>First of all, if you’re drinking an expensive, single barrel, aged whisky, scotch, bourbon, whiskey with ice in it…I will cut your throat and have mine with your blood in it, you tasteless scum. Why? Because that is a hand crafted thing made with time and the effort of generations, and you’ve just watered it down. What’s the matter with you? Do you water down your milk too? Are you an infant?</p>
<p>The fact is that water and ice do different hings to these spirits, but you have to know what you’re mucking with. A FEW DROPS of water is all that is required to bring down the strength of the whiskey and open up the aromatics. Secondly, while that giant globe of ice might chill the spirit down swiftly, and water the alcohol content down so that it is more easily imbibed, it fills and flattens the flavor.</p>
<p>Secondly, while the water you use to alter whiskey should be pure (mineralogy really does change the flavor) you can make an ice cube from a silicone mold and be just as happy, you complete sod.</p>
<p>Thirdly, if you are taking one finger of an Islay and putting it over a giant globe of ice…I will shove the whole thing down your throat. Use a chilled unleaded crystal tumbler or marble ice cubes. If you cannot take the heat of the product, then don’t drink it. Half of the tasting notes come from the spirit evaporating in the mouth. You’d be smarter to try drinking it from a heated glass like cognac, Armagnac, and so on than adding water to it. Allow the spirit to heat and the evaporation of the alcohol to fill the sinus.</p>
<p>If you are going to invest money in a hung, know that thing. Be respectful of it. Don’t hire some poor sod to outfit you with a hand cut piece of nouveau riche stupidity that makes you feel like you’re actually sharing in an appropriated tradition. Otherwise someone like myself will turn that hefty shaved ball into a weapon and drink scotch over your corpse.</p>
<p>And might I point out, you ridiculous idiots with your flagrant spending designed to distract you from your own mortality and grievous lack of intellect, that these traditions of spirit making all originated in the pot and tower stills of poor farmers and rural chaps. It did not originate in a crystal palace of privilege.</p>
<p>You are not refined because you throw good money at a thing and then ruin it with stupidity. You are not wise because you pay someone to destroy your liquor. You are not better than anyone because you drink to enjoy the taste, and oh yes, happen to experience the precise thing for which the distillate was intended. You are no better than any other person, and you have no right to presume that simply because you have seen a gloved ice cube in a Bond film, it makes you classy.</p>
<p>You’re a rich idiot. Not a connesieur who knows when to invest in a fine thing.</p>
</blockquote>

<p>anyone in this thread smoke weed</p>
</blockquote>
<p>If not y'all should try some to mellow the fuck out.</p>