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Cute, James Bond, and Shit: LEATHERDOS aerois: glitterdustedwren: somajesticdonki: fearlessjones: naamahdarling: fallen-angel-nightshade: nonbinaryanders: justsomefuckingguy: captcreate: odditymall: The Leatherdos is a hair clip that doubles as a multi-tool that combines 5 different tools in a tiny hair clip: screw-drivers, a wrench, a trolley coin, a ruler, and a cutting edge. —-http://odditymall.com/leatherdos-is-a-hair-clip-multi-tool This some of that James Bond shit. Swiss Army Hairclip Imagine you get kidnapped or some shit, how useful that might be? FINALLY!!! Lightly hot glue a flower to it and you could make it cute and frilly without sacrificing functionality. Low temp hot glue pops right off. this is some Kingsman shit right here @mysterysolver Fun story: I have one of these, and wore it every day while working as a vet assistant at a pet clinic. One day a kitten comes in with a cord knotted around her neck, and everyone’s trying to get it unknotted before she heads in for her spay. I just whip off the hair clip, grab the cord, and slice through it in one go. Everyone stood there, surprised, and stared at the cord in my hand that I just sawed through with a hair clip.  This would be AMAZING if you got kidnapped, or, in this case, a pet gets tangled in something. It’s very light and flexible, but the insides of the teeth are sharp enough to get the job done. Y’all are close, but not quite there. This isn’t James Bond, this isn’t Kingsman; this is some Totally Spies shit we’re looking at, and it’s glorious
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Ariel, Community, and Crazy: Yes. You wish and you dream with all your little heart But you remember, lTiana, that that old star can only take you part of the way You got to help it along with some hard work of your owrn, and then, yeah, you can do anything you set your mind to cephalopodvictorious: roarkshop: natvarmac: datunofficialdisneyprincess: theassofremylebeau: Best lesson from a Disney movie This is an underrated movie This is a grossly underrated movie. Can I take a minute to rant? Good. Cuz I’m gonna. I FLOVE this movie. And I HATE all the stupid hatred it gets. For a long time the buzz was “finally a black princess yay!” and now everyone is like “Fuck this movie, first black princess and she spends the whole movie a frog.” You know what? Fuck that. Because Ariel spent a good majority of the movie not talking. Mulan spent the majority of the move pretending to be a man. Aurora and Snow White? Asleep (Hardly in the movie at all). They’re all just plot devices, not designed to take away from the traits of the women.  And you know what else? Unlike some of the other princesses, Tiana is in control of her destiny every step of the way. When she turns into the frog does she lose hope and need rescuing? Hell naw. She busts Naveen over the head and gets the job done. She is consistently responsible and capable even after having her dreams crushed and turning into a freaking frog.  So don’t tell me that Tiana is “less than” just because she gets turned into a frog. She’s still one of the most hardworking, badass, and capable chicks in animated history and I love her like crazy cakes.  the end.  Also? She’s based on a real person. A real woman who is 91 and is still cooking in her kitchen. She’s still widely respected in the culinary community, she’s fed presidents, she’s had songs written about her and her restaurants. She’s 91, and she still wakes up every morning to run things, because she still believes in hard work and good food. And if you don’t think that’s truly fantastic, then you can just fuck right off.
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Alive, Being Alone, and Bones: imiplicit Demand For Proof Fall Away The Pantaloon Addict With A Pen 1) I know you're not a liar I don't want to fall, fall away. I don't want to fal, fall away I will keep the lights on in this place Cause I dont want to fall, fall away Hello, We haven't talked in quite some time I know, I haven't been the best, of sons. Hello, Ive been traveling in the desert of my mind, And I haven't found a drop of life. I haven't found a drop of you I haven't found & drop. t haven't found a drop of water Water Your grandpa died, when you were nine, And I know you oould set fire this day Go ahead and make me look away. say he had lost his mind. Yonu learned, way too soon, Strike me down, I am calling your lightning You should never trust the Pantaloon. Down from your Go abead and show me your Now, It's your turn, to to be alone, Plnd a wife and build yourself& home You have learned, way too soon, That your dad is now the Pantaloon. ahorus) I disguise and I will lie, And I will take my precious time, Rain down, and destroy me. (verse 2) I am simply very perplexed by your ways. As the days melt as I stand in line I try desperately to run through the sand as I Hold the water in the palm of my hand Cause its all that I have and its all that I need and the, The waves of the water mean nothing to me But I try my best in all that I can to, Hold tightly on to what's left in my hand But no matter how, how tightly I will strain The sand will slow me down and the water will drain. I'm just betng dramatic, in fact And I die as I wait as I walt on my orime, And Ill try to delay what you make of my life, But I don't want your way, I want mine, You are tired, you are hurt. A moth ate through your favorite shirt. Why wouid you let us use your name? and I'm trying but betieve me I'm fine, t I'm lying, I'm so very far from fine And all your friends fertilize, The ground you walk (chorus) Loope your mind L, I can feel the pull begin, Peel my conscience wearing thin And my skin, will start. He's peen too many stare doWns Between the aun and the moon in the morning atr, how He used to huntle all the people walking through the fairgrounds, He's been around so long, he's changed his meaning of a chair now Beoause a chair now Is like a uny island in the ses of all the people, Who glide acroes the very aurface thbat made his bones feeble. The end oan't come soon enough but is it too soon? Either way he oan't deny, he is the Pantaloon. at it aguin, To up and fall apart. Wha's addicted to the As it blows me back and (ahorus) Bind leas, spineless, and pretend Of course I'll be here again. 8ee you tomorrow but its tbe end, Of today, end of my ways, As a walking denial, my trial waa filed, As a crazy suicidal head oase Every time I feel selfish ambition is taking my vision, My crime la my sentenoe, repentance is taking commiasion, It's taking a toll on my soul, I'm screaming submiosion, And, I don't know if I am dying or living Cause I will save face for name's sake, abuse grace, Take aim to obtain a new name and a new plaoe, But my name is larme, I cant walk and I ain't the same, And my name beoarme & new destiny to the grave But you specialize in You hear me screaming And I'm lying here just crying, So wash me with your water (verne 3) You like to aleep alone, it's oolder than you know Cause your akin is so, used to colder bones It'a warmer in the morning, than whas it is at night Your bones are held together by your nightmares and your (chorus) (x2) (chorua) Friend, Please March To The Sea (verse 1) I feel for you but when did you believe you were alone. There's miles of land in front of us And we're dying with every step we talke, breath we make, And I'I fall in line. You say that spiders cziwled inesde and made themselves a home. Wer dyingwith evearyrs A stranger's back is all i see, And I'll look left and right sometimes, But I'll fall in line. And no one looks up anymore, Where light once was He's only a few feet in front of Potrifted of who you are and who you have become. You will hide from everyone, denying you need someone, To exterminate your bones (chorus) Priend, please remove your hands from Over your eyes for me I know you want to leave but Priend, please don't take your life away from me. Cause you might got, a raindrop in your eye, And heaven forbid they see you ory, As we fall in line. And about this time of every year, The line will go to the ocean pier And walk right off into the sea, And then we fall asleep. (verse 2) Laving like a ghost you walle by everyone you know You say that you're fine but you have lost your sway and glow 8o I stopped by to let you know And as we near the end of land And our ooean graves are just the Band I ask mysolf the question why, I fall in line And then out of the corner of my eye I aee a spaceship in the slky, (chorus) And hear a voice inside my head, "Pollow me instead" (bridge) And then the wages of war will start, Inside my head with my counterpart, And the emotionless marchers will ohant the phrase, Would you let me know your plans tonight Cause I just won't let go tal we both pee the light. And I have nothing else left to Bay But I will listen to you all day, yes I will. This line's the only wa And then I start down the sand, My eyes are focused on the end of land, But again the voice inside my head, Says "follow me instead" (ahorus) Take me up, Beal the door Idon't want to march here anymore I realize that this line is dead So I'll follow you instead. 8o then you put me back in my place So I might start another And once again I will be, In a march to the sea. 0 He stays home from work this time. He never really I don' fall slow like I used to, I fall straight down, But the muffs on your ears will cater your fears You're But now he's just watching the back ofhis eyes. And I just don't say what you want to hear But they lie when they blame it on the times. And I don't believe in talking just to breathe, Open the slits in your face and start your day You don't have much time to make your slits look alright I want to fall inside your ghoet, And flll up every hole inside my Sometime we will die and sonetimes we will ly away Either way you're by my side until my dying days, I want to crack the door so I can just fall out. You reached in the back and buckled up your heart And if I'm not there and I'm far away I said, Look in the mirror and ask your soul if you're alright. Don't be afraid, I eaid don't be afraid, We're going home It was a little dark so he held a makeshit toroh I want to strip myself of breath, A breathless plece of death I've He crept in her room and stayed there for the night We pick songs to sing, remind us of things that no body oares And honestly we're probably more suiaidal than ever now If you decide to live by, what you think's wrong and what's right, Your weeping will oreep in head and you'll cry We can tate a part our very heart and the light will set you free, So the hearse ran out of gas, the passenger person grabbed a map And the driver inside devised a new route to save the past, And checked his watoh and grabbed a cab, A beautifully planned taxi cab, the cab, Had a cleared out back and two men started to unpack. Driving once again and now this time there were three men, And then I heard one of them say, "I know the night will turn to grey, I know the stars will start to fade when all the darkness fades away, We had to steal him from his fate so he could see another day". And then I aracked open my box, someone must have picked the lock, A little light revealed the spot, where my inger nails had fought, Then I pushed to open more, pushing up againat the door, Then I sat up off the floor and found the breath I was searching for. There they were, three men up front All I saw were backs of heads, And then I asked If I'm alive and well, or am I dreaming dead. Then one turned around to say And time will fly by and the sky will cry as light is fading we repeat the same routine as we will please Please think about why you can't sleep in the evening But for now you told me to hold this jar And when I looked inside I saw it held your heart, And please don't be afraid of what your soul is really thinking Your soul knows good and evil, your soul knows both sides And it's time you pick your battle, and I promise you this is popcandy: from Reddit: a lyric book for self-titled originally sold at concerts back in 2010
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Bad, Be Like, and Crazy: How a tinder date turn out to be a nightmare He seemed pretty normal as first, a few quirks here and there, but who am I to judge, right? Are you on birth control? I know it's a personal question but kinda important to know Okay, I'm cancelling Wednesday Lol I'm kidding dude relax I'm uncomfortable with these jokes Ok sorry. Ill stop ok? No, Im still cancelling it. Well that's really your loss for being so uptight. But ok. I'll just go to work and make $900 in 12 hours Really, you're overreacting Seriously? And you wonder why you're single? Yawn. Still waiting for your reply. Lol. l actually had you double booked with another girl. So ľm kinda happy you decided to be a psycho You sure you want to Around this time, I was working and I had already told him this He called non-stop. Within 5 minutes I had about 5 or 6 missed cal s from him. Please call me Please I'm at work, dude. lol. I know. I'm being incredibly annoying to show you just how most guys act. So maybe you'll realize Im not that bad So ill see you That doesnt even make sense You were fine until that joke. Dude I was kidding with you. It's a joke. You do know Im a doctor right? My brain thinks at a much higher level than yours or the average person It wasn't even sexual. It was a J-0-K-E And I said if you don't like those types of jokes I won't joke like that anymore. This should be the end of it. You should be like ok cool. And then if I do it again then you get pissed You off just get pissed right off the bat and be all rude to someone. That's a major turn off and just no Ok so rant over. Are we cool now? You just talked shit to me. Alli said was I'm cancelling it. I didnt do what did-talk shit to someone What? Those are not Of course I'm talking shit to you. You just flaked after I asked for that night off. Do you know how hard it is for me to get a night off work? Let's just stop this childish nonsense. see you Wednesday right? Uh, you do not need to criticize my sentences. Change of mind AND telling you about it doesn't really make it flaking. I was upfront. You said you already booked another date with someone else, go enjoy it. Idk why you're trying to with me, especially since you think so littie What you're reading here was within a 2.5-hour time span Just meet me Wednesday. I'm sorry ok? I'm at work. I'm not going to take the call, Ok then we are meeting Wednesday right? Are we cool? died ok So ľm kinda not really in the best place to be messed with. So if you could understand that would be great Please dude? 59 PM via Sus Please answer me 542 PM via SMS Can you please stop being immature and call me? 612 PM ia sMs RUN, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN! Guy Goes Batshit Crazy After Getting Rejected By Tinder Date
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Animals, Arguing, and Books: biologizeable: ponytailwhippingnacho: supaslim: Guys, let me tell you about orcas. Orca whales are mean motherfuckers. They cruise the oceans with only two things in mind: one, having sex, and two, eating every poor fuck they find out there that’s smaller than them. They are such badass motherfuckers that even great white motherfucking sharks don’t dare fuck with them, which in my books, places them above the sperm whale as Biggest Badass of the Ocean. And why don’t sharks bother them, you may wonder? Because orcas fucking learned that if you flip a shark over they go into a sort of coma, so now they do it intentionally so they can eat the motherfucking sharks. Not only that, but orcas have also learned how to hunt sperm whales and motherfucking sea birds. The orca whale lives in a matriarchal pod. Every pod has unique hunting methods and whatnot, which is passed down from parent to offspring- these scary fuckers have formed civilizations. And what do they do for fun, apart from hopping around on the water’s surface and grinning like crazy mofos? They hunt for fun, going so far as to tip over ice floes and beach themselves just for the thrill of killing. Now, I know what you’re thinking. Orca whales are too damn cute and smiley looking to be heartless predators of the sea. Well, let me counter-argue with this photo: THOSE ARE NOT THE TEETH OF A CREATURE THAT WANTS TO BE YOUR FRIEND. Why has nobody mentioned what’s happening in the original gif? This is how orcas hunt - or, it’s one of the ways they do. They have a ton of tricks and techniques they use to fuck up everything below them on the food chain, and that gif portrays my personal favorite. Orcas will literally BEACH THEMSELVES to grab unsuspecting seals (or whatever else happens to be splashing around in the surf) and snarf them down like hot dogs. Yeah, that’s right. This is a 6-ton apex predator, crashing right out of the fucking water to snatch their prey right off the beach. Any other animal that size would get stuck there and die, but do you see that fucker? He fucking wriggles right back into the surf. An orca can get all the way up onto dry land and still manage to wiggle their way back into the water to fuck up more shit on another day. There is literally no other sea-dwelling creature of comparative size with that ability - most sea animals lack the muscular strength to move without enough water supporting their weight. Orcas have also been known to eat moose. Yeah, that’s right. Fucking MOOSE. You don’t fuck with orcas. #BIOLOGIZEABLE  #CONFIRM? YES ABSOLUTELY. Smaller dolphins have also been known to beach themselves like killer whales do for prey. If you want a heck ton of videos on terrifying orca hunting strategies, please refer to this PBS article. And as an addendum, remember that not only do killer whales hunt seals, fish, sharks, and other things smaller than them, they can also take out other whales, like minke, humpback, and even blue whales.
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