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inquisitorhotpants: burntcopper: futureevilscientist: optimysticals: uovoc: konec0: sleepyferret: shitfacedanon: dat-soldier: sonnetscrewdriver: dat-soldier: did-you-kno: Source back the fuck up There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up. So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him. The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off. Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes. did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out This just keeps getting better I fucking love history. ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire. The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked. On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro” and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing. and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave. Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.  and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked. Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river. Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.  Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows. Zhuge Liang is legend. I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History. If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff. Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this: Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang I fully support watching Red Cliff; it’s gloriously silly entertainment during the battle scenes. Guess what just got moved to the top of my watch list?? :D : inquisitorhotpants: burntcopper: futureevilscientist: optimysticals: uovoc: konec0: sleepyferret: shitfacedanon: dat-soldier: sonnetscrewdriver: dat-soldier: did-you-kno: Source back the fuck up There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up. So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him. The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off. Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes. did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out This just keeps getting better I fucking love history. ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire. The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked. On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro” and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing. and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave. Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.  and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked. Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river. Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.  Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows. Zhuge Liang is legend. I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History. If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff. Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this: Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang I fully support watching Red Cliff; it’s gloriously silly entertainment during the battle scenes. Guess what just got moved to the top of my watch list?? :D
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lyrica-in-nerdvana: daysofstorm: pilgrim-soulinyou: jeremyyyallan: fagraklett: Chinese emperor Ai of Han, fell in love with a minor official, a man named Dong Xian, and bestowed upon him great political power and a magnificent palace. Legend has it that one day while the two men were sleeping in the same bed, the emperor was roused from his sleep by pressing business. Dong Xian had fallen asleep across the emperor’s robe, but rather than awaken his peaceful lover, the Emperor cut his robe free at the sleeve. Thus “the passion of the cut sleeve” became a euphemism for same-sex love in China. — R.G.L. get you a dude who will fuck up his own clothing for you NO OKAY THIS IS REALLY COOL SO SHUT UP AND LISTEN KIDS. Ancient China was super chill about homosexuality okay. Like we have gay emperors and feudal lords, lesbian princesses who were girlfriends with their serving maids, gay ass poets who wrote lots of poems about that one courtesan who played the guzheng so well.In fact homosexuality was so okay that in Shiji, which is basically the Bible of Ancient Chinese history, there is an entire section dedicated to the gay lovers of emperors. What’s the best part? All the laws and criticism about homosexuality in Ancient China were all about shit like prostitution and rape. These laws were  outlawing homosexual stuff were all very specific. For example, there were laws banning male prostitution, but no laws against homosexuality. These laws were passed to stop the spread of prostitution and laws targeting prostitution in general were pretty common in Chinese history. There were also really strict laws about male rape. Rape was punishable by death, regardless of the gender of the victim. Rape a girl, you die. Rape a guy, you die. Have sex with a minor, you die regardless of whether it was consensual. The lightest sentence you could get was slavery where you were bound to the army.Also scholars wrote essays criticising the boyfriends of emperors, saying that they distracted the emperor from work blah blah blah but THEY ALSO DID THE SAME FOR THE CONCUBINES. That’s right - the issue wasn’t homosexuality but rather the hormones of the emperor. They didn’t care about the gender of the emperor’s favourite lover but rather the fact that the emperor was too horny to get shit done.“But WAIT, Modern China is a hardass about homosexuality!!!! How do you explain that!”Yes. That. That’s because of the late Qing years where Western influences entered the country and brought their gross ass homophobic attitudes with them. And the Qing government was so anxious to seem modern and be seen as equals to their Western counterparts. So they adopted Western ways and discarded their previous attitudes about homosexuality. Hence you have Modern China.So the next time someone tries to tell you that being LGBT is wrong because it goes against traditional Chinese values, tell them to go fuck themselves with 3000 years of Chinese queerness.  Here are all the illustrations of historical gay couples by Ryan Grant https://www.advocate.com/arts-entertainment/artist-spotlight/2012/08/11/ryan-grant-longs-history-gay-love#slide-0 This is one of the best things I have ever read. : lyrica-in-nerdvana: daysofstorm: pilgrim-soulinyou: jeremyyyallan: fagraklett: Chinese emperor Ai of Han, fell in love with a minor official, a man named Dong Xian, and bestowed upon him great political power and a magnificent palace. Legend has it that one day while the two men were sleeping in the same bed, the emperor was roused from his sleep by pressing business. Dong Xian had fallen asleep across the emperor’s robe, but rather than awaken his peaceful lover, the Emperor cut his robe free at the sleeve. Thus “the passion of the cut sleeve” became a euphemism for same-sex love in China. — R.G.L. get you a dude who will fuck up his own clothing for you NO OKAY THIS IS REALLY COOL SO SHUT UP AND LISTEN KIDS. Ancient China was super chill about homosexuality okay. Like we have gay emperors and feudal lords, lesbian princesses who were girlfriends with their serving maids, gay ass poets who wrote lots of poems about that one courtesan who played the guzheng so well.In fact homosexuality was so okay that in Shiji, which is basically the Bible of Ancient Chinese history, there is an entire section dedicated to the gay lovers of emperors. What’s the best part? All the laws and criticism about homosexuality in Ancient China were all about shit like prostitution and rape. These laws were  outlawing homosexual stuff were all very specific. For example, there were laws banning male prostitution, but no laws against homosexuality. These laws were passed to stop the spread of prostitution and laws targeting prostitution in general were pretty common in Chinese history. There were also really strict laws about male rape. Rape was punishable by death, regardless of the gender of the victim. Rape a girl, you die. Rape a guy, you die. Have sex with a minor, you die regardless of whether it was consensual. The lightest sentence you could get was slavery where you were bound to the army.Also scholars wrote essays criticising the boyfriends of emperors, saying that they distracted the emperor from work blah blah blah but THEY ALSO DID THE SAME FOR THE CONCUBINES. That’s right - the issue wasn’t homosexuality but rather the hormones of the emperor. They didn’t care about the gender of the emperor’s favourite lover but rather the fact that the emperor was too horny to get shit done.“But WAIT, Modern China is a hardass about homosexuality!!!! How do you explain that!”Yes. That. That’s because of the late Qing years where Western influences entered the country and brought their gross ass homophobic attitudes with them. And the Qing government was so anxious to seem modern and be seen as equals to their Western counterparts. So they adopted Western ways and discarded their previous attitudes about homosexuality. Hence you have Modern China.So the next time someone tries to tell you that being LGBT is wrong because it goes against traditional Chinese values, tell them to go fuck themselves with 3000 years of Chinese queerness.  Here are all the illustrations of historical gay couples by Ryan Grant https://www.advocate.com/arts-entertainment/artist-spotlight/2012/08/11/ryan-grant-longs-history-gay-love#slide-0 This is one of the best things I have ever read.
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lowoncliches: note-a-bear: My mom sent this to me and i’m howling White woman: Hi fellow white people. Are you having a sad because that family is enjoying a picnic in the park while being black? Did that customer in front of you just speak a language that makes you irrationally angry? Well this is a great time to try *holds up bottle* Mind Your Own Fucking Business. With Mind Your Own Fucking Business you’ll be able to grow the fuck up and act like a decent fucking human being. Our patented technology allows you to pull your head out of your ass and see the world beyond the brim of your MAGA hat. White man: Hi honey, I saw some black people at the Starbucks today. Woman: Did you mind your own fucking business? Man: I sure fucking did. *both laughing* Woman: Stop bothering those nice people today with Mind Your Own Fucking Business. Man: Side effects may include not harassing people, no one getting arrested or murdered by police, a general sense of well-being for people of color, a lack of Internet fame and or trolling, and coexistence. Please consult a doctor if you are still a piece of shit after Minding Your Own Fucking Business as the symptoms may be result of a deeper problem and require further treatment. Woman: Now available at Anthropology in Whole Foods. [Censoring beeps removed for better readability.] : lowoncliches: note-a-bear: My mom sent this to me and i’m howling White woman: Hi fellow white people. Are you having a sad because that family is enjoying a picnic in the park while being black? Did that customer in front of you just speak a language that makes you irrationally angry? Well this is a great time to try *holds up bottle* Mind Your Own Fucking Business. With Mind Your Own Fucking Business you’ll be able to grow the fuck up and act like a decent fucking human being. Our patented technology allows you to pull your head out of your ass and see the world beyond the brim of your MAGA hat. White man: Hi honey, I saw some black people at the Starbucks today. Woman: Did you mind your own fucking business? Man: I sure fucking did. *both laughing* Woman: Stop bothering those nice people today with Mind Your Own Fucking Business. Man: Side effects may include not harassing people, no one getting arrested or murdered by police, a general sense of well-being for people of color, a lack of Internet fame and or trolling, and coexistence. Please consult a doctor if you are still a piece of shit after Minding Your Own Fucking Business as the symptoms may be result of a deeper problem and require further treatment. Woman: Now available at Anthropology in Whole Foods. [Censoring beeps removed for better readability.]
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audrey-hepbae: snacfu: liebgoth: weknowwearebeautifulanduglytoo: joekerspades: elitigre: frender: deadfoxforcutie: trashgender-neurotica: blueeyeddl: tikkunolamorgtfo: trashgender-neurotica: When you’re an adult man and you try to troll a little girl but instead she drags you straight to hell. (source) “I’m down with white nationalism but I will clutch my pearls if I hear an F-bomb.” White people in a nutshell. Is he calling her “young man” or “young ma'am”? I can’t tell. Considering it’s infowars, may be relevant either way….. He said “young man”, no doubt in an attempt to launch into anti-trans rhetoric with her as a prop. This is a good way to handle that. why is it that every reactionary white dude talks like this. “oh wow, oh my gosh!! oh golly!! oh jeepers!!” it’s actually a little bit horrifying that he would try to expose a child to the lion den of internet white nationalism by making her a prop to make fun of. but yeah, the little girl is “scandalous” because she rightfully called this grown man a fucking idiot Fun trivia fact: this single clip entirely ended this dumbass dude’s career in Infowars and alt right publication, because no one took him seriously anymore after a “little girl” called him a fucking idiot to his face and all he could do was say wow and oh my gosh. I’m glad. Fuck that guy. Hey that’s me in the 8th grade lol, I use they them pronouns now fank uuuu!!!! Also I still have those same glasses :0 how time flies!! Also if u were wondering how the altercation started I was at this defend DACA protest and my jewish ass was like is that FUCKING infowars harassing an old lady and so I posted the fuck up. Texas style. YOURE MY HERO Long live this hero. May they never need a new prescription. : audrey-hepbae: snacfu: liebgoth: weknowwearebeautifulanduglytoo: joekerspades: elitigre: frender: deadfoxforcutie: trashgender-neurotica: blueeyeddl: tikkunolamorgtfo: trashgender-neurotica: When you’re an adult man and you try to troll a little girl but instead she drags you straight to hell. (source) “I’m down with white nationalism but I will clutch my pearls if I hear an F-bomb.” White people in a nutshell. Is he calling her “young man” or “young ma'am”? I can’t tell. Considering it’s infowars, may be relevant either way….. He said “young man”, no doubt in an attempt to launch into anti-trans rhetoric with her as a prop. This is a good way to handle that. why is it that every reactionary white dude talks like this. “oh wow, oh my gosh!! oh golly!! oh jeepers!!” it’s actually a little bit horrifying that he would try to expose a child to the lion den of internet white nationalism by making her a prop to make fun of. but yeah, the little girl is “scandalous” because she rightfully called this grown man a fucking idiot Fun trivia fact: this single clip entirely ended this dumbass dude’s career in Infowars and alt right publication, because no one took him seriously anymore after a “little girl” called him a fucking idiot to his face and all he could do was say wow and oh my gosh. I’m glad. Fuck that guy. Hey that’s me in the 8th grade lol, I use they them pronouns now fank uuuu!!!! Also I still have those same glasses :0 how time flies!! Also if u were wondering how the altercation started I was at this defend DACA protest and my jewish ass was like is that FUCKING infowars harassing an old lady and so I posted the fuck up. Texas style. YOURE MY HERO Long live this hero. May they never need a new prescription.
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goat-yells-at-everything: nickyvmlp: segasister: nickyvmlp: goat-yells-at-everything: cannibalgurlcreations-blog: This is for those of you saying “We only have so many cases, why are we shutting stuff down?” It’s so it doesn’t do anymore growing so you stay at “we only have so many cases”. It’s also so you don’t spread it to grandma, grandpa, mom, dad, Uncle Bob with diabetes, your pregnant cousin Jill, etc. Now go wash your hands and follow the last two hashtag. You follow it, the other hashtags will lead to the first 4 happening. #dontkillgrandpa #dontkillgranma #dontkillunclebob #dontkilljillandbaby #quitwhining #quitbeingaselfishprickhttps://www.instagram.com/p/B917299FaDC8eS04vGFUId0N-NaQ1Hk6JXXs6c0/?igshid=1a5wx8z2b3qkq Note: These are CONFIRMED cases from testing. These are not the actual numbers because; a) many people (especially those in late 20s to mid 30s) are a-symptomatic which means you can be infected with the virus and NOT KNOW IT because YOU DONT GET SICK but you can still spread it to others! b) many people will have mild symptoms and just treat themselves at home (which is absolutely what you SHOULD be doing. you only need to go to the ER if you are having serious issues) and so are not being tested. Though, a lot of these people are just assuming they have a cold or allergies and still going out. THATS why they’re shutting things down. Its to keep people from congregating in closed spaces where the virus can move from person to person easily. So wash your hands, stay home, and just cool your heels for now. Dang, why’s Louisiana taking it so hard? NY is taking it harder than everyone else though Yea but were tiny down here. New Orleans is a major international port and tourism mecha, though. Small population but high tourism so a lot of activity and movement to pass it around. And here’s a chart comparing the death rates to the seasonal flu so if y’all could shut the absolute fuck up about them basically being the same thing that would be great. Remember we have reliable vaccine and treatment for the seasonal flu. This is a novel coronavirus. Novel in this instance means new. We are not nearly as equipped to deal with it as we are with the flu and it’s proving to be far more deadly already.: goat-yells-at-everything: nickyvmlp: segasister: nickyvmlp: goat-yells-at-everything: cannibalgurlcreations-blog: This is for those of you saying “We only have so many cases, why are we shutting stuff down?” It’s so it doesn’t do anymore growing so you stay at “we only have so many cases”. It’s also so you don’t spread it to grandma, grandpa, mom, dad, Uncle Bob with diabetes, your pregnant cousin Jill, etc. Now go wash your hands and follow the last two hashtag. You follow it, the other hashtags will lead to the first 4 happening. #dontkillgrandpa #dontkillgranma #dontkillunclebob #dontkilljillandbaby #quitwhining #quitbeingaselfishprickhttps://www.instagram.com/p/B917299FaDC8eS04vGFUId0N-NaQ1Hk6JXXs6c0/?igshid=1a5wx8z2b3qkq Note: These are CONFIRMED cases from testing. These are not the actual numbers because; a) many people (especially those in late 20s to mid 30s) are a-symptomatic which means you can be infected with the virus and NOT KNOW IT because YOU DONT GET SICK but you can still spread it to others! b) many people will have mild symptoms and just treat themselves at home (which is absolutely what you SHOULD be doing. you only need to go to the ER if you are having serious issues) and so are not being tested. Though, a lot of these people are just assuming they have a cold or allergies and still going out. THATS why they’re shutting things down. Its to keep people from congregating in closed spaces where the virus can move from person to person easily. So wash your hands, stay home, and just cool your heels for now. Dang, why’s Louisiana taking it so hard? NY is taking it harder than everyone else though Yea but were tiny down here. New Orleans is a major international port and tourism mecha, though. Small population but high tourism so a lot of activity and movement to pass it around. And here’s a chart comparing the death rates to the seasonal flu so if y’all could shut the absolute fuck up about them basically being the same thing that would be great. Remember we have reliable vaccine and treatment for the seasonal flu. This is a novel coronavirus. Novel in this instance means new. We are not nearly as equipped to deal with it as we are with the flu and it’s proving to be far more deadly already.
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st-phanie: derpomatic: feminists-against-feminism: unaffiliatedpangolin: sighinastorm: goawfma: the year is 2020…this is ridiculous That’s neat and overdue, but something tells me enforcement is going to be sketchy. How about handling the homelessness crisis, drug addiction, high cost of living? What have they done to address those issues? California has actual problems and yet they are focused on hair? Does this mean that I as a white man can go to work in California with my natural hair and beard? Like fuck you can.“we still have to pass legislation like this ”  - no you don’t, sorry you were asked to wash your hair W’kanda, but you smell. sure the law is unnecessary, but black people, especially women are still discriminated against for wearing their natural hair, both by other black folks and white folks. This is when you realize the anti-sjw trend is dying when it’s community can no longer think beyond something like this tweet. Tell a young black girl who got her hair cut by her teacher and sent home how this is ridiculous. You’re really just invalidating a struggle you have no idea of “Sorry you had to wash your hair W’kanda” shut your racist ass up 🙄 Women were literally being told they couldn’t wear normal ass braids and fros. Kids were being kicked out of school. Just shut the fuck up.: st-phanie: derpomatic: feminists-against-feminism: unaffiliatedpangolin: sighinastorm: goawfma: the year is 2020…this is ridiculous That’s neat and overdue, but something tells me enforcement is going to be sketchy. How about handling the homelessness crisis, drug addiction, high cost of living? What have they done to address those issues? California has actual problems and yet they are focused on hair? Does this mean that I as a white man can go to work in California with my natural hair and beard? Like fuck you can.“we still have to pass legislation like this ”  - no you don’t, sorry you were asked to wash your hair W’kanda, but you smell. sure the law is unnecessary, but black people, especially women are still discriminated against for wearing their natural hair, both by other black folks and white folks. This is when you realize the anti-sjw trend is dying when it’s community can no longer think beyond something like this tweet. Tell a young black girl who got her hair cut by her teacher and sent home how this is ridiculous. You’re really just invalidating a struggle you have no idea of “Sorry you had to wash your hair W’kanda” shut your racist ass up 🙄 Women were literally being told they couldn’t wear normal ass braids and fros. Kids were being kicked out of school. Just shut the fuck up.
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