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Bad, Beef, and Fire: ifeelbetterer tumblr Follow hellotailor 1. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center 2. He was as tall as a 6'3" tree 3. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master 4. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30. 5. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. 6. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up 7. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. 8. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something 9. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. 10. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room- temperature Canadian beef 11. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM 12. The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object. wollipyos Some of the worst analogies written by high school students I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT NUMBER 4 IS GREAT. bewbin These are genius ninjagirlmai I lost it at number 10 farorescourage "the worst analogies" are the ones you use to write comedy pieces with. They work like a charm if you do them right. beingfacetious #you say 'worst analogies i say 'heirs of douglas adams, Source papadevs 291.019 notes These analogies are like poetry if the poet had been sleepless for five days subsisting only on Red Bull and raw coffee beans

These analogies are like poetry if the poet had been sleepless for five days subsisting only on Red Bull and raw coffee beans

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Barbie, Crime, and Funny: magnusisms: aeolus06: the-peregrine-mendicant: doomsong13: fandomblogger: i-am-funny-and-you-are-not: 0nehundred-sleepless-nights: blainesbedroom: diamondintherough96: pudding-is-the-new-fondue: just-a-cardboard-box: a-very-not-royal-prince: sociopathhasthephonebox: you-cant-stop-the-moriparty: OHMYGOD.Ā  Why would there be a bottle of wine on the stove?! WTF Barbie you canā€™t use a cutting board for a bulletin board BARBIE! you should know better than to leave a cheese grater on the edge of the fridge! someone could get hurt! Um, okay, DOES NO ONE REALIZE THAT BARBIE is cleaning her kitchen floor with a garden hose? Get it together, Barbie. OH MY GOD BARBIE! ARE YOU JUST GOING TO LEAVE THOSE DIRTY DISHES IN YOUR SINK? SERIOUSLY GET IT TOGETHERĀ BARBIE! ā€¦Seriously? People. Wow. Open your EYES. Is NOBODY going to point out how Barbie is CLEANING HERĀ FLOOR IN WHITE PANTS??? CLOSE THE DAMN REFRIGERATOR! YOUR LETTING ALL THGE COLD OUT! Barbie, seriously? The blender on top of the fridge? You could get hurt!!1 Guys for the love of god how can you not notice the freaking rat next to the fridge?! WTF Barbie? Clean your houseĀ more often, would ya? Barbie, who the hell puts a calculator on their fridge. COME ON! GET WITH THE TIMES! I love how everyone pretends not to notice the toaster next to the sink. BARBIE! YOU COULD GETĀ ELECTROCUTEDĀ IF THAT FELL IN! GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER GURL! what the hell is wrong with you people???!?!?! omfg how can you not notice the fact the fridge has three layers of drawers on the bottom? what the fuck?? barbie fridges dont work that way im sorry SERIOUSLY?!! YOU PEOPLE ARE SICK! CAN YOU SEE THAT A SERIOUS CRIME HAS BEEN COMMITTED HERE?!! THAT WALLPAPER! ITā€™S HIDEOUS! Get a freakinā€™ sense of style, woman! theres a dead body
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Barbie, Crime, and Funny: catfoundation: magnusisms: aeolus06: the-peregrine-mendicant: doomsong13: fandomblogger: i-am-funny-and-you-are-not: 0nehundred-sleepless-nights: blainesbedroom: diamondintherough96: pudding-is-the-new-fondue: just-a-cardboard-box: a-very-not-royal-prince: sociopathhasthephonebox: you-cant-stop-the-moriparty: OHMYGOD.Ā  Why would there be a bottle of wine on the stove?! WTF Barbie you canā€™t use a cutting board for a bulletin board BARBIE! you should know better than to leave a cheese grater on the edge of the fridge! someone could get hurt! Um, okay, DOES NO ONE REALIZE THAT BARBIE is cleaning her kitchen floor with a garden hose? Get it together, Barbie. OH MY GOD BARBIE! ARE YOU JUST GOING TO LEAVE THOSE DIRTY DISHES IN YOUR SINK? SERIOUSLY GET IT TOGETHERĀ BARBIE! ā€¦Seriously? People. Wow. Open your EYES. Is NOBODY going to point out how Barbie is CLEANING HERĀ FLOOR IN WHITE PANTS??? CLOSE THE DAMN REFRIGERATOR! YOUR LETTING ALL THGE COLD OUT! Barbie, seriously? The blender on top of the fridge? You could get hurt!!1 Guys for the love of god how can you not notice the freaking rat next to the fridge?! WTF Barbie? Clean your houseĀ more often, would ya? Barbie, who the hell puts a calculator on their fridge. COME ON! GET WITH THE TIMES! I love how everyone pretends not to notice the toaster next to the sink. BARBIE! YOU COULD GETĀ ELECTROCUTEDĀ IF THAT FELL IN! GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER GURL! what the hell is wrong with you people???!?!?! omfg how can you not notice the fact the fridge has three layers of drawers on the bottom? what the fuck?? barbie fridges dont work that way im sorry SERIOUSLY?!! YOU PEOPLE ARE SICK! CAN YOU SEE THAT A SERIOUS CRIME HAS BEEN COMMITTED HERE?!! THAT WALLPAPER! ITā€™S HIDEOUS! Get a freakinā€™ sense of style, woman! theres a dead body Whoop there goes the joke
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