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Apparently, Ass, and Crying: Anonymous 08/16/16(Tue)12:24:09 No.699763279 be fat >go to /fit/ and find a solution >main problem is i eat like a dumpster apparently things with loads of fiber is going to 211 KB JPG save my filthy soul "Fiber is digested slowly, leaving you feeling full longer, and helps with digestion" go out and buy two boxes of fiber-heavy breakfast bars the first day i have fiber bars for breakfast, lunch and a lot of snacks i dont shit that day next day i fiber myself up even more i dont shit that day either >fiber jesus is surely working his magic in my colon can feel the pounds dropping off because im not very hungry anymore i dont shit the third day >i dont shit the fourth day thefinaldaydawns.mp3 si have my morning coffee and feel my insides rumble in that familiar way the second i hit the toilet the weirdest fart in the world exits me it's whistling just a thin, continuous airstream of fart that smells like grandpapas coffin >no sound other than the whistling hiss suddenly stops the hole is plugged SOS >this shit is so solid it feels like i'm giving anal birth to Dwayne "The rock" Johnson >hang on to the shower curtain and pray the rock is shot out of my asshole at mach speed >my entire ass is covered in toilet water >now the fun begins a fart that could do more damage to thee ozone layer than aerosol ever did is shooting shit bullets out of me solid and prefectly round nuggets the smell is killing me blacking out the thuds of nuggets shooting around the bowl propelled by my insane fiber flatulence is giving me war flashbacks iwasntevenin'nam.jpeg my guts are yelling in german sounds like a moose in heat lives in my belly most of the shit isn't even digested at this point just forced out by all the gas that had been building up to my throat after an hour it finally seems to be over sim shivering and crying both legs collapse as i try to stand up >my stomach hitting the bathroom tiles forces one last trumpet gondorcallsforaid.rar shakily wipe my ass completely clean feniczoroark: larjmarge: itsperegrine: the-mighty-birdy: carolina-viking: th3laugh1ngt0mat0: carolina-viking: Holy fucking shit I CANT BREATHE I HAVE TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE Pretty sure this has the most notes of any of my posts gondorcallsforaid.rar I’m in a ball on my bed with tears streaming down my face If I have to read this, so do you. This is funnier than it should be Omfg
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Af, Climbing, and Dank: peeing into the toilet water and making noise peeing slowly and making less noise peeing on the side of the bowl to avoid making nolse insert body directly into tolelt water and peeing directly inside to aveid making notse drinking all toilet water and peeing inside the teilet with no water to avoid making nse drinking your pee and quietly gargling then slowly spitting into toilet over the oourse of 3 hours to avoid making peeing on the floor then Moaking up the pee with a sponge and lathering the sponge in soap and cleaning your toilet with it squeezing sponge quietly putting a military grade surpressor on your body while peeing and aiming with a precise 45 degree angle to bounce of the wall nto the toilet bowl silently peeing on your hand and then using a flashilight and magniflying glass to evaporate the pee without making any noise after seviral month peeing into your own eys and blinking several times to sprinkle it into the toilet without making any sounds Peeing directly into the water reservoir so that when someone else pees the flush water blends in with the new pee so it doesn't make any noise Peeing into the sink while it is running so the sound of the pee is overshadowed and doesn't make any nolse Peeing into the air with a parabolic are and catching it in your mouth and then drinking it soit doesn't make any noise Peeing backwards inte your asshole which you are holding open uatil it is full ef pee and then clenching in shut and waiting until you have to shit so you can pass it off as diarrbea, making no Bohe Climbing onto the sink and doing a handstand while slowly peeing onto the lightbulb above the sink so it will slowly vaporize the pee over the course of several hours so it doesn't make any noise Watching pchie vide Veate your ph a y perfily preet e fere yo pee at jest the righ peis n bars ver houads af yeas s rays will imadiate the pis particles wad tey beeme radarthe sd decay lato e a mking o t d eatd b d he w F R w d e aking ae dinbe r e g ad i yte se 3a e the p e de for de bal h d d thit ig gy i w thhighe if yde d ew r dre e t g sdypad sgh e aw efw es n tp y ing wilr e durud ed et met dy ts d ngy d thy dee 'ed b e t qt d ae cg g p of ving e gra dsfaack b d ng the y btyin a peremde g glay and g t he t ay g ng r la 's ay b y af e k dmded r ddry par hdy wh dyt r t t di d thrgh tb ga as cies wich at yi ly de d e re f gd d b k E ydy a sh ver y gerbck k e th e yu d e ppf Eth tar t red t earth d si ndnd il a ng Peak male performance by VolcanicMonkey5 FOLLOW 4 MORE MEMES.
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Climbing, Drinking, and Fake: peeing into the toilet water and making noise peeing slowly and making less noise peeing on the side of the bowl to avoid making noise insert body directly into toielt water and peeing directly inside to avoid making noise drinking all toilet water and peeing inside the toilet with no water to avoid making noise drinking your pee and quietly gargling then slowly spitting into toilet over the course of 3 hours to avoid making peeing on the floor then soaking up the pee with a sponge and lathering the sponge in soap and cleaning your toilet with it a military grade while peeing and aiming with a precise 45 degree angle to bounce of the wal into the toilet bowl silenth peeing on your hand and then using a flashlight and magnifiying glass to evaporate the pee without making any noise after several months peeing into your oWn eyes and blinking several times to sprinkle it into the toilet without making any sounds Peeing directly into the water reservoir so that when someone else pees the lush water blends in with the new pee so it doesn't make any noi Peeing into the sink while it is running so the sound of the pee is overshadowed and doesn't make any noise Peeing into the air with a parabolic arc and catching it in your mouth and then drinking t st doesn't make anv noise Peeing backwards into your asshole which you are holding open until it is full of pee and then clenching it shut and waiting until you have to shit so you can pass noise Climbing onto the sink and doing a handstand while slowly peeing onto the lightbulb above the sink so it will slo vaporize the pee over the course of several hours so it doesn't make any noise Watching psyehic videes on Youtube on your phone until you can perfectly predict the feture so you pee at just the right points in barsts over thousands of cosmic rays will irradiate the piss particles until they become radioactive and decay isto the air peeing so the electricitywi ravel it ad stop your beart and then he bary yue bet vou learsed to restart year heartbeat fro Tibetias mosks so yos wake up iaia and chinb upthhrongh the dirt and start e lide is Argestina wirh cybrg inortal Hitler watil yos caa seice paer logether creatiag the Fourth Reich so you bave the resources t develep quanten stealth techoclogy and a tima machine soyou travel back is tine and give it to yeur past sellf so yon can pee vithost making any Careful an see the dirt below the barhroess and remoing the fleor les antil ysu several years releasing tbe excess dirt hreagh yor pant legs overy tine yea g creating a fake botle recycliag machise at the lecal itpermarket tu collect water bottles ย.til yos lave tess of chowsands aad yeu pee is hem silently over the coarse of yoar entire tore tbem i undergronsd facility wstil yos die where dey remain for several billion years u he San becomes a red giaat aad swallows the Earth and the particles will drift is space apother civiluatiea's version ef yes will ierse undergoes beat death but thes of esistesce and the pext antil here are neee left to ascend s aad Gen it will loop ntil the process breaks and there i"othia eft at all, making so soise F U R T H E R
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