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Ash, Bruh, and Community: safetytank: steppsful: songofsunset: xdominoe: purplebloodedmajesty: walkinchicken: kotaku: The End, by Alister Lockhart. Bruh, if you don’t think that having historically significant events well documented from multiple perspectives is a good thing, then idk what the hell u doin. Besides, like, that is literally a Giant Monster Rampaging Through The Town. What the fuck is the everyday person gonna do other than Tweet/Instagram/Post about it going “It’s the apocalypse you guys! Eyyyy lmao #apocalypse #deathrising #nofilter”? #like come on your cellphone may not defeat the beast#but it can gain you like 50000 followers before the skies start raining blood so#who’s the REAL winner here? (via @purplebloodedmajesty) And heck, even if your own death is inevitable getting information out could help save other people, even if it can’t save you. ‘Here are 20 livestreams of the giant tentacle monster including how it moves and attacks, how can we beat it?’ is way more useful than ‘an entire city got wiped off the map and things smell vaguely of calimari idk man’ reblogging for this perfection: ‘an entire city got wiped off the map and things smell vaguely of calimari idk man’  Point #1 on this here article talks about Robert Landsburg, a photographer who realized he wouldn’t survive the eruption of Mt St. Helens (too close to outrun the ash cloud) and used his own body to shield preserve the photos and recordings he’d been taking during the explosion these surviving photographs are still CRAZY VALUABLE to this day for the rest of the volcanologist community, since actual recordings of an in-process eruption are so dang rare on-site documentation of any major disaster is gonna be VITALLY IMPORTANT to the people who are tryna figure out how to prevent that shit tl;dr have your phone out, make your death-by-kaiju worthwhile to the scientific community
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Target, Tumblr, and Blog: tentacle-dick: drew a buncha cryptids from @cursedcatimages!!! edit: there’s more

tentacle-dick: drew a buncha cryptids from @cursedcatimages!!! edit: there’s more

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Tumblr, Academy, and Blog: GULLIBLE gulliblegoldfish:Just finished the umbrella academy! Tentacle boy is cool

gulliblegoldfish:Just finished the umbrella academy! Tentacle boy is cool

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Dude, Fucking, and Gif: WillYouPressTheButton?.com I will not! You can shapeshift intout People will always know it's you any form you choose spaztomato13: wanderingwolfsbane: snippyschnapps: haiku-robot: rispahanguis: christiandevil7: nepetaloveme: tyfye49: kasaithederp: therapist-anon: cc-the-pathetic-nobody: chris-drawing-shack: weezy-pup: symmetrical-twin: perpetualcombustioninstruction: revereche: bogleech: elvenrainbow: shitsuren-chama: ocean-child-love: kaibas-paragraphical-mind: what-is-a-homestuck: WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT YOU COULD BE A FUCKING BADASS DRAGON THAT’S THE POINT “I AM A CREATURE OF DARKNESS” “oh hey sabrina.” I guess the point is that you could shapeshift into the body you always thought you’d grow into when you were a kid taller, shorter, slimmer, more muscular, purple hair, tattoos everywhere, tattoos nowhere,  every single shoe would fit you every single time you tried it on, every single article of clothing would fit your perfectly, all you have to do is transform slightly, you’d never run out of ‘your size’ again and you wouldn’t have to work for it at all, and you’d never be limitted by your bone structure or something. You could just transform at will. I don’t see how this is much of a downside When you turn into a sixty story tentacle demon and terrorize a city you want to get the credit you deserve Oh man that would be so sweet. I could be an annoying fuck as an insect or something but you couldn’t kill me because everyone would know That’s great but have you considered ~cosplay ~Halloween costumes ~acting ~cosplay ~stretching to reach stuff and shrinking to fit through spaces ~cosplay ~cosplay ~COSPLAY Dude this would literally be a trangender or genderfluid’s dream. PUSH DA BUTTON I’ll be able to be a cat my whole life! Yas! you could be a fucking furry, enough said. YOU WOULD NEVER HAVE TO PAY FOR TRANSPORTATION EITHER WANNA GO TO ANOTHER COUNTRY? BECOME AN ALBATROSS THEY FLY LONG DISTANCES ALL THE TIME OR HELL JUST BECOME A FUCKING DOLPHIN IF ITS ANOTHER CONTINENT Become a god. Just, become a god. Enough said. Snake, dragon, cat, lion, tiger, etc. *slams button* I could finally look in the mirror without gagging! :: presses button :: i could finally look in the mirror without gagging :: presses button ^Haiku^bot^7. I detect haikus with 5-7-5 format. Sometimes I make mistakes. | Welcome @image-transcribing-bot | Contact | HAIKU BOT NO | Good bot! | Meep morp! Zeet! Time to abuse THIS power This is always my go to answer when someone asks me about super powers. At least, the shapeshifting part anyway *SMASHES BUTTON* BEEEEEF
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News, Tumblr, and Waffle House: ST 15 15 kakaphoe: of-another-broken-heart: kakaphoe: asymbina: iamsapphirecrimsonclaw: bluesey-182: captaindeadpoet: hiringdreamers: ezurad: commandtower-solring-go: kayas-wife: chandra-nalaar: viralthings: The more you look at this picture, the more anxious it becomes. this is just a normal waffle house there is a bloody handprint on the door There is somethung under the counter with the cups Blind man reading news paperSkull in the coffee Milk is $15 Lady’s hand is a tentacle the bleeding pie, the eyeball and fingers on the blind man’s plate… I was trying to find something nobody else had seen yet, when I realized… Look right above the tentacle arm. The second man at the buffet, what the hell is he doing? He’s either throwing up or eating an octopus. I think his face is just tentacles. The blind man has gills. Scariest detail: this image was ripped from the creator’s site and vandalized (edited to remove the watermark), then reuploaded for viral fame without so much as a mention of the artist’s name. SOURCE: http://jeffleejohnson.deviantart.com/art/Blue-Plate-Special-661961724 That said, the earlier observation about milk being $15 is off - artist confirms this is based on a 1920’s diner, so the price would be in cents. (http://comments.deviantart.com/1/661961724/4375070065)The table under the journal is lacquered with ants. The person holding the skull-creamed coffee paints the underside of their nails. Either that or their natural nails grow red.The journal’s writing, intentionally made hard to read and partially obscured, is somewhat of a cheat to all the things amiss in the scene. (http://comments.deviantart.com/1/661961724/4372574544) I can make out: “… and eyeball … have to think he is less strange than the horrifying creature that seems to have inhabited the cabinet behind him … all tentacles and teeth … (obscured by cup) … Where in the world can be found such nightmares?!” Reblogging for the correct source (I didn’t even notice the OP wasn’t the artist oops).

kakaphoe: of-another-broken-heart: kakaphoe: asymbina: iamsapphirecrimsonclaw: bluesey-182: captaindeadpoet: hiringdreamers: ezurad...

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Ass, Friends, and Mood: vintar i used to get self-conscious over the smallest things but friends let me tell you that today I had to smuggle a furious 8ft python onto the bus during the school rush and not a singie person noticed. not one. if people don't care enough to notice a shopping bag writhing and seething with barely- contained reptilian hatred then i promise you that no-one will pay any attention to that blemish you're fretting about or how you've done your hair Question, why are you bringing a 8 ft python into a public bus? You know that this reptile can kill anyone inside there? buddy she's a snake not a flying death tentacle snakes are not evil killers out for blood, and length doesnt mean lethality! my biggest guy is 11 ft-ifi have him around my neck, both his face and his tail touch the floor- and even his species struggles to take down anything bigger than a smal-to- medium dog the worst damage that my 8fter is capable of is when she decides to do an impression of ab makes my arm go a bit purpie, and even that's just when i humour her dreams of being big and scary and let her squeeze her hardest before i unwind her like a bratty garden hose ood- pressure cuff and as long as you're not some sort of magical tumbiring rat, you're fine Okay, I gotta ask... 1. Why was she angry? 2. Where were you taking her on the bus? is there a leash-free snake park where you live? I need to know. 1. she's a cranky ass in general, but her mood was absolutely not improved by eating a bit of a snake hook, getting stuffed in a sack, experiencing an hour of adelaide 's finest public transport, and having a vet jam a tube into her stomach 2. i think all of australia is technically a leash-free snake park tbh I am so glad there was follow up on this post explaining why the snake was on the bus!! bratty garden hose"I'm dying All of Australia is a leash-free snake park. buddy she's a snake not a flying death tentacle " Learning this took place in Australia really makes it all make much more sense. A positivity post featuring a very angry snake
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Target, Tumblr, and Waffle House: ST 15 15 <p><a href="http://supremecarlos.net/post/160319366654/advanced-procrastination" class="tumblr_blog" target="_blank">surprisebitch</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="https://advanced-procrastination.tumblr.com/post/160227373097/commandtower-solring-go-kayas-wife" class="tumblr_blog" target="_blank">advanced-procrastination</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><a href="http://commandtower-solring-go.tumblr.com/post/160226118673/kayas-wife-chandra-nalaar-viralthings-the" class="tumblr_blog" target="_blank">commandtower-solring-go</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://kayas-wife.tumblr.com/post/160225941875/chandra-nalaar-viralthings-the-more-you-look" class="tumblr_blog" target="_blank">kayas-wife</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://chandra-nalaar.tumblr.com/post/160217408246" class="tumblr_blog" target="_blank">chandra-nalaar</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://viralthings.tumblr.com/post/159676790481/the-more-you-look-at-this-picture-the-more" class="tumblr_blog" target="_blank">viralthings</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>The more you look at this picture, the more anxious it becomes.</p></blockquote> <p>this is just a normal waffle house</p> </blockquote> <p>there is a bloody handprint on the door</p> </blockquote> <p>There is somethung under the counter with the cups</p> </blockquote> <p>A normal waffle house</p> </blockquote> <p>is that a tentacle wrapped around the little boy’s arm</p></blockquote> <p>eyeball and fingers on the plate</p>
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Af, Bless Up, and Cum: Taking a sick day to spend time with his penguin @Drsmashlove My lil homegirl text me saying "smash, I went to go see a guy I was talking to who moved, and it ended up being a little bit of a disappointment - I think we built it up too much while we were apart 😕." Ok lemme splain y'all. See what happen when u super charged up sexually with someone but y'all geographically apart is, u start getting into wild fantasy situations when discussing what y'all gonna do. It's never like "I'm gonna have passionate, loving missionary sexual relations with you because the distance hath made me crave you, lover 😍." Nah. Hell nah. U gon be way, way overboard with it: "BABY GIRL...WHEN I FUCKING SEE YOU...IMMA...LISTEN...NO, SHUT UP, LISTEN...IMMA SUSPEND YOU UPSIDE DOWN SIDEWAYS FROM THE CEILING KARMA SUTRA STYLE...FINNA LEAP UP ON YOU LIKE SPIDER MAN...GRAB YOUR NECK WITH ONE HAND AND GRAB YOUR HAIR WITH THE OTHER HAND AND SPANK YOU WITH A THIRD TENTACLE OCTOPUS HAND THAT U AIN'T EVEN SEEN YET AND USE MY FOOT TO HIT YOU WITH THAT HITACHI ON FULL JACKHAMMER MODE...FINNA MAKE YOU CUM 783 TIMES MAMA...YOU DON'T EVEN...LISTEN...ON GOD IT'S FINNA BE ON..." Then y'all link up and he mount you and u kiss his neck and say "I missed you daddy" and he gon YOLO everything he done built up deep inside u, shed a single tear, roll over and schleep because that's what a real one gon do if u got that A1 Masterpiece Punani - especially after a long absence? Goner. U feel me? We miss u mama. That's just how it go down. Side note: there's no moral of the story here. I'm not gon say: "tone it down over text." That long distance pen pal shit is sexy AF! Just manage expectations and understand that in person it's gon be a lil different 🤗. BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂
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