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✝  Jesus Meme

🌹  Roses Are Red Meme

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placement Memes

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With
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Write
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You Do
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Proofs
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Twitch Tv
Do You Want
Do You Want
Try
Try
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Gone Wrong
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        gay-son-of-a-pastor:

shoptiludropdead:

muffinsandmatriarchy:

m00nqueer:

ok this is “earring magic ken” who was introduced in 1992 (and discontinued shortly thereafter)
basically mattel had done a survey and discovered that girls didn’t think ken was “cool” enough
SO someone had the bright idea to research coolness by sending people to raves which, at the time, were mostly hosted & attended by gay men. so they went to these raves and took notes on what the fashions were and finally landed on this outfit, mesh shirt & all 
this doll became the best selling ken doll in history, mostly because gay men bought it in droves. (many of them said his necklace was supposed to be a cockring) but mattel and a number of parents weren’t very amused and discontinued the doll 


OH MY GOD YOU’RE LEAVING OUT THE BEST PART 
SO
MAGIC EARRING KEN. This bitch gay as HELL. supposedly the aforementioned rings on him are for “magic earrings” and clip on charms. These charms are advertised as totally COMPLETELY heterosexual, not gay at ALL, see there’s a Barbie that also has Magic Earring Action with clip on charms! Ken wears them to match, because he’s STRAIGHT 
Here’s the issue: THERE IS NO MATCHING BARBIE. Magic Earring Ken is out here straight up wearing cock rings on his jacket with a thinly devised advertising ploy to make it SEEM not-gay. But it’s DEFINITELY GAY.(And if you’re thinking, why cock rings? Well way back in 1992 gay culture was HUGE on wearing cock rings, it was the in-style. Everyone who was gay wore one, even women; you sewed them to your leather jacket, and the placement indicated some of your sexual preference. In case you were wondering, Ken is a Bottom.) 
AND IT GETS BETTER. Magic Earring Ken was on the shelves for six weeks before they pulled him. In that short amount of time? Magic Earring Ken became the BEST SELLING Barbie Doll Mattel has EVER SOLD.LET THAT SINK IN. SIX WEEKS. And now every time these wheezy old hetero windbag execs go to look at their sales board, they’re forever haunted by Magic Earring Ken at the top of their charts. 
Gay as hell, Cock Ring Bottom Ken, the Best Selling Mattel Doll.Pride.


please take the time out of your day to read about Magic Earring Ken™


gay history
: gay-son-of-a-pastor:

shoptiludropdead:

muffinsandmatriarchy:

m00nqueer:

ok this is “earring magic ken” who was introduced in 1992 (and discontinued shortly thereafter)
basically mattel had done a survey and discovered that girls didn’t think ken was “cool” enough
SO someone had the bright idea to research coolness by sending people to raves which, at the time, were mostly hosted & attended by gay men. so they went to these raves and took notes on what the fashions were and finally landed on this outfit, mesh shirt & all 
this doll became the best selling ken doll in history, mostly because gay men bought it in droves. (many of them said his necklace was supposed to be a cockring) but mattel and a number of parents weren’t very amused and discontinued the doll 


OH MY GOD YOU’RE LEAVING OUT THE BEST PART 
SO
MAGIC EARRING KEN. This bitch gay as HELL. supposedly the aforementioned rings on him are for “magic earrings” and clip on charms. These charms are advertised as totally COMPLETELY heterosexual, not gay at ALL, see there’s a Barbie that also has Magic Earring Action with clip on charms! Ken wears them to match, because he’s STRAIGHT 
Here’s the issue: THERE IS NO MATCHING BARBIE. Magic Earring Ken is out here straight up wearing cock rings on his jacket with a thinly devised advertising ploy to make it SEEM not-gay. But it’s DEFINITELY GAY.(And if you’re thinking, why cock rings? Well way back in 1992 gay culture was HUGE on wearing cock rings, it was the in-style. Everyone who was gay wore one, even women; you sewed them to your leather jacket, and the placement indicated some of your sexual preference. In case you were wondering, Ken is a Bottom.) 
AND IT GETS BETTER. Magic Earring Ken was on the shelves for six weeks before they pulled him. In that short amount of time? Magic Earring Ken became the BEST SELLING Barbie Doll Mattel has EVER SOLD.LET THAT SINK IN. SIX WEEKS. And now every time these wheezy old hetero windbag execs go to look at their sales board, they’re forever haunted by Magic Earring Ken at the top of their charts. 
Gay as hell, Cock Ring Bottom Ken, the Best Selling Mattel Doll.Pride.


please take the time out of your day to read about Magic Earring Ken™


gay history

        

            
            

                
                
                    gay-son-of-a-pastor:

shoptiludropdead:

muffinsandmatriarchy:

m00nqueer:

ok this is “earring magic ken” who was introduced in 1992 (and discontinued shortly thereafter)
basically mattel had done a survey and discovered that girls didn’t think ken was “cool” enough
SO someone had the bright idea to research coolness by sending people to raves which, at the time, were mostly hosted & attended by gay men. so they went to these raves and took notes on what the fashions were and finally landed on this outfit, mesh shirt & all 
this doll became the best selling ken doll in history, mostly because gay men bought it in droves. (many of them said his necklace was supposed to be a cockring) but mattel and a number of parents weren’t very amused and discontinued the doll 


OH MY GOD YOU’RE LEAVING OUT THE BEST PART 
SO
MAGIC EARRING KEN. This bitch gay as HELL. supposedly the aforementioned rings on him are for “magic earrings” and clip on charms. These charms are advertised as totally COMPLETELY heterosexual, not gay at ALL, see there’s a Barbie that also has Magic Earring Action with clip on charms! Ken wears them to match, because he’s STRAIGHT 
Here’s the issue: THERE IS NO MATCHING BARBIE. Magic Earring Ken is out here straight up wearing cock rings on his jacket with a thinly devised advertising ploy to make it SEEM not-gay. But it’s DEFINITELY GAY.(And if you’re thinking, why cock rings? Well way back in 1992 gay culture was HUGE on wearing cock rings, it was the in-style. Everyone who was gay wore one, even women; you sewed them to your leather jacket, and the placement indicated some of your sexual preference. In case you were wondering, Ken is a Bottom.) 
AND IT GETS BETTER. Magic Earring Ken was on the shelves for six weeks before they pulled him. In that short amount of time? Magic Earring Ken became the BEST SELLING Barbie Doll Mattel has EVER SOLD.LET THAT SINK IN. SIX WEEKS. And now every time these wheezy old hetero windbag execs go to look at their sales board, they’re forever haunted by Magic Earring Ken at the top of their charts. 
Gay as hell, Cock Ring Bottom Ken, the Best Selling Mattel Doll.Pride.


please take the time out of your day to read about Magic Earring Ken™


gay history
: gay-son-of-a-pastor:

shoptiludropdead:

muffinsandmatriarchy:

m00nqueer:

ok this is “earring magic ken” who was introduced in 1992 (and discontinued shortly thereafter)
basically mattel had done a survey and discovered that girls didn’t think ken was “cool” enough
SO someone had the bright idea to research coolness by sending people to raves which, at the time, were mostly hosted & attended by gay men. so they went to these raves and took notes on what the fashions were and finally landed on this outfit, mesh shirt & all 
this doll became the best selling ken doll in history, mostly because gay men bought it in droves. (many of them said his necklace was supposed to be a cockring) but mattel and a number of parents weren’t very amused and discontinued the doll 


OH MY GOD YOU’RE LEAVING OUT THE BEST PART 
SO
MAGIC EARRING KEN. This bitch gay as HELL. supposedly the aforementioned rings on him are for “magic earrings” and clip on charms. These charms are advertised as totally COMPLETELY heterosexual, not gay at ALL, see there’s a Barbie that also has Magic Earring Action with clip on charms! Ken wears them to match, because he’s STRAIGHT 
Here’s the issue: THERE IS NO MATCHING BARBIE. Magic Earring Ken is out here straight up wearing cock rings on his jacket with a thinly devised advertising ploy to make it SEEM not-gay. But it’s DEFINITELY GAY.(And if you’re thinking, why cock rings? Well way back in 1992 gay culture was HUGE on wearing cock rings, it was the in-style. Everyone who was gay wore one, even women; you sewed them to your leather jacket, and the placement indicated some of your sexual preference. In case you were wondering, Ken is a Bottom.) 
AND IT GETS BETTER. Magic Earring Ken was on the shelves for six weeks before they pulled him. In that short amount of time? Magic Earring Ken became the BEST SELLING Barbie Doll Mattel has EVER SOLD.LET THAT SINK IN. SIX WEEKS. And now every time these wheezy old hetero windbag execs go to look at their sales board, they’re forever haunted by Magic Earring Ken at the top of their charts. 
Gay as hell, Cock Ring Bottom Ken, the Best Selling Mattel Doll.Pride.


please take the time out of your day to read about Magic Earring Ken™


gay history

                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        lolzandtrollz:

See? Now You Know How To Whistle With Your Fingers: a
 Fig 1: Form an "A" shape with your index
 and middle fingers using both hands.
 Extend your middle and index fingers on both hands, keeping
 them close together, while your thumbs hold down your ring
 and pinky fingers.
 Place your two middle fingers together, forming an "A" shape.
 Ifeel like I get a louder and more forceful whistle using this
 finger combo.
 Fig 2: Draw back your lips to
 cover your teeth.
 Lip placement is key, Give your lips a quick lick to wet your
 whistle. Tuck your lips back over your teeth. It's what you do
 when you pretend youre an old man without any teeth.
 Your lips need to cover your teeth in order to whistle
 successfully Feel free to adjust howmuch or lite you tuck
 your lips back. It's going to vary from person to person.
 Your fingers will help keep your bottom lip tudked over
 your teeth.
 Fig 3: Push tongue back into mouth.
 Place the tip of your fingers underneath your tongue right at
 the tip.
 Push the tip of your tongue back with your fingers. You're
 basically folding the first 1/4 of your tongue back on itself.
 Push your tongue back into your mouth until your first
 knuckle reaches your bottom
 lips.
 Fig 4: Blow through the hole between
 your two index fingers.
 Give a soft blow out your mouth. You should feel the air
 only go out over your bottom lip. If you feel air coming out
 the sides of your mouth, dlose your mouth tighter around
 your fingers. Remember, perfect seal
 Make sure you don't see your tongue make an appearance
 in the hole between your fingers! I's blocking the air from
 coming out.
 You probably won't get a sound right off the bat. That's
 okay. Adjust your finger placement under your tongue
 and experiment with different finger angles and varying
 degrees of lip tuckage until you find the sweet spot.
 Experimentation is key-keep making little adjustments.
 You'll know when you're getting close to your whistle
 sweet spot because you'll start producing a noise that
 sounds sort of like you're blowing over a beer bottle. Start
 blowing more forcefully, until you get that high-pitched
 and loud whistle.
 you should probably ge to TheMetaPicture.com
 LLLTSA
lolzandtrollz:

See? Now You Know How To Whistle With Your Fingers
        

            
            

                
                
                    lolzandtrollz:

See? Now You Know How To Whistle With Your Fingers: a
 Fig 1: Form an "A" shape with your index
 and middle fingers using both hands.
 Extend your middle and index fingers on both hands, keeping
 them close together, while your thumbs hold down your ring
 and pinky fingers.
 Place your two middle fingers together, forming an "A" shape.
 Ifeel like I get a louder and more forceful whistle using this
 finger combo.
 Fig 2: Draw back your lips to
 cover your teeth.
 Lip placement is key, Give your lips a quick lick to wet your
 whistle. Tuck your lips back over your teeth. It's what you do
 when you pretend youre an old man without any teeth.
 Your lips need to cover your teeth in order to whistle
 successfully Feel free to adjust howmuch or lite you tuck
 your lips back. It's going to vary from person to person.
 Your fingers will help keep your bottom lip tudked over
 your teeth.
 Fig 3: Push tongue back into mouth.
 Place the tip of your fingers underneath your tongue right at
 the tip.
 Push the tip of your tongue back with your fingers. You're
 basically folding the first 1/4 of your tongue back on itself.
 Push your tongue back into your mouth until your first
 knuckle reaches your bottom
 lips.
 Fig 4: Blow through the hole between
 your two index fingers.
 Give a soft blow out your mouth. You should feel the air
 only go out over your bottom lip. If you feel air coming out
 the sides of your mouth, dlose your mouth tighter around
 your fingers. Remember, perfect seal
 Make sure you don't see your tongue make an appearance
 in the hole between your fingers! I's blocking the air from
 coming out.
 You probably won't get a sound right off the bat. That's
 okay. Adjust your finger placement under your tongue
 and experiment with different finger angles and varying
 degrees of lip tuckage until you find the sweet spot.
 Experimentation is key-keep making little adjustments.
 You'll know when you're getting close to your whistle
 sweet spot because you'll start producing a noise that
 sounds sort of like you're blowing over a beer bottle. Start
 blowing more forcefully, until you get that high-pitched
 and loud whistle.
 you should probably ge to TheMetaPicture.com
 LLLTSA
lolzandtrollz:

See? Now You Know How To Whistle With Your Fingers
                    
                
            

            
                
                
lolzandtrollz:

See? Now You Know How To Whistle With Your Fingers

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        sixth-extinction:

korybing:

korybing:

korybing:

korybing:

theboredbaptist:

korybing:

ENDLINGS: LAST OF THEIR KIND ENAMEL PIN SET
I launched a new kickstarter! This one commemorates Endlings, individuals that were the last of their kind before their species went extinct. All of their stories are sad, but I think it’s important to remember them, especially since they all went extinct so recently!
The first three pins are Benjamin, the last Thylacine, Martha, the last Passenger Pigeon, and Lonesome George, the last Pinta Island Tortoise! With more to unlock, starting with Incas, the last Carolina Parakeet!
I’m REALLY excited about this project, so please pledge! The pins will be beautiful!!

didn’t george repopulate his entire species?

Sadly, no. He was the only tortoise found on Pinta Island in 1973, as feral goats introduced by humans had destroyed most of the vegetation on the island. Efforts were made to save George’s DNA in the form of hybrids with closely-related tortoise species ever since. Three clutches of eggs were laid throughout his remaining lifetime, but none ever hatched, and George died in 2012.

Incas and Turgi stretch goals have been unlocked!

Toughie the Rabbs’ Fringe-Limbed Frog and Booming Ben the Heath Hen have been unlocked!

ALL THE PINS HAVE BEEN UNLOCKED! A full set of Endlings pins is now TEN pins! Wow!
All stretch goals unlocked! Go get yourself some gorgeous pins!: endlings
 THE LAST OF THEIR KIND
 Marta
 AOnesone
 Benjamin
 1936
 Gesge
 ENAMEL PIN SERIES
 by kory bing

 plesiosaur bones
 KORYG
 Beniamin
 back and clasp placement
 1.75" wide
 Antique Bronze Metal
 recessed Antique Bronze Metal
 White
 Pantone 2253 C
 Benjamin
 Pantone 555 C
 Pantone 7412 C
 Pantone 461C
 Pantone 617 C
 Pantone 1375 C
 1936
 Pantone 360 C
 Pantone 160 C
 Pantone 484 C
 Pantone 173 C

 Martha
 Martha
 plesiosaur bones
 ORYG
 back and clasp placement
 1.75" wide
 Antique Copper Metal
 Pantone 475 C
 1911
 Pantone 415 C
 Pantone 160 C
 Pantone 486 C
 | Pantone 1545 C
 Pantone 425 C
 Pantone 1675 C
 Pantone 360 C
 Pantone 5865 C

 onesome
 (G
 CAROMESONE
 plesiosaur bones
 KORYING COM
 209
 1.75" tall
 Antique Nickel Metal
 back and clasp placement
 Pantone 454 C
 GeOge
 Pantone 7490 C
 Pantone 618 C
 Pantone 5135 C
 Pantone 394 C
 Pantone 3995 C

 stretch goals.
 $2000 LOKED!
 (designs not yet final)
 TeUGHEL
 $3000
 LOCKED!
 ANCAS
 $2500
 LOCKED!
 TORGI
 1996
 FATU
 $5000
 $3500
 LOCKED!
 LOCKED!
 $4000
 LOCKED!
 $4500
 LOCKED!
 NAJIN
 BOOKING BEN
 CELLA e B-ND
 (200
 1987
sixth-extinction:

korybing:

korybing:

korybing:

korybing:

theboredbaptist:

korybing:

ENDLINGS: LAST OF THEIR KIND ENAMEL PIN SET
I launched a new kickstarter! This one commemorates Endlings, individuals that were the last of their kind before their species went extinct. All of their stories are sad, but I think it’s important to remember them, especially since they all went extinct so recently!
The first three pins are Benjamin, the last Thylacine, Martha, the last Passenger Pigeon, and Lonesome George, the last Pinta Island Tortoise! With more to unlock, starting with Incas, the last Carolina Parakeet!
I’m REALLY excited about this project, so please pledge! The pins will be beautiful!!

didn’t george repopulate his entire species?

Sadly, no. He was the only tortoise found on Pinta Island in 1973, as feral goats introduced by humans had destroyed most of the vegetation on the island. Efforts were made to save George’s DNA in the form of hybrids with closely-related tortoise species ever since. Three clutches of eggs were laid throughout his remaining lifetime, but none ever hatched, and George died in 2012.

Incas and Turgi stretch goals have been unlocked!

Toughie the Rabbs’ Fringe-Limbed Frog and Booming Ben the Heath Hen have been unlocked!

ALL THE PINS HAVE BEEN UNLOCKED! A full set of Endlings pins is now TEN pins! Wow!
All stretch goals unlocked! Go get yourself some gorgeous pins!
        

            
            

                
                
                    sixth-extinction:

korybing:

korybing:

korybing:

korybing:

theboredbaptist:

korybing:

ENDLINGS: LAST OF THEIR KIND ENAMEL PIN SET
I launched a new kickstarter! This one commemorates Endlings, individuals that were the last of their kind before their species went extinct. All of their stories are sad, but I think it’s important to remember them, especially since they all went extinct so recently!
The first three pins are Benjamin, the last Thylacine, Martha, the last Passenger Pigeon, and Lonesome George, the last Pinta Island Tortoise! With more to unlock, starting with Incas, the last Carolina Parakeet!
I’m REALLY excited about this project, so please pledge! The pins will be beautiful!!

didn’t george repopulate his entire species?

Sadly, no. He was the only tortoise found on Pinta Island in 1973, as feral goats introduced by humans had destroyed most of the vegetation on the island. Efforts were made to save George’s DNA in the form of hybrids with closely-related tortoise species ever since. Three clutches of eggs were laid throughout his remaining lifetime, but none ever hatched, and George died in 2012.

Incas and Turgi stretch goals have been unlocked!

Toughie the Rabbs’ Fringe-Limbed Frog and Booming Ben the Heath Hen have been unlocked!

ALL THE PINS HAVE BEEN UNLOCKED! A full set of Endlings pins is now TEN pins! Wow!
All stretch goals unlocked! Go get yourself some gorgeous pins!: endlings
 THE LAST OF THEIR KIND
 Marta
 AOnesone
 Benjamin
 1936
 Gesge
 ENAMEL PIN SERIES
 by kory bing

 plesiosaur bones
 KORYG
 Beniamin
 back and clasp placement
 1.75" wide
 Antique Bronze Metal
 recessed Antique Bronze Metal
 White
 Pantone 2253 C
 Benjamin
 Pantone 555 C
 Pantone 7412 C
 Pantone 461C
 Pantone 617 C
 Pantone 1375 C
 1936
 Pantone 360 C
 Pantone 160 C
 Pantone 484 C
 Pantone 173 C

 Martha
 Martha
 plesiosaur bones
 ORYG
 back and clasp placement
 1.75" wide
 Antique Copper Metal
 Pantone 475 C
 1911
 Pantone 415 C
 Pantone 160 C
 Pantone 486 C
 | Pantone 1545 C
 Pantone 425 C
 Pantone 1675 C
 Pantone 360 C
 Pantone 5865 C

 onesome
 (G
 CAROMESONE
 plesiosaur bones
 KORYING COM
 209
 1.75" tall
 Antique Nickel Metal
 back and clasp placement
 Pantone 454 C
 GeOge
 Pantone 7490 C
 Pantone 618 C
 Pantone 5135 C
 Pantone 394 C
 Pantone 3995 C

 stretch goals.
 $2000 LOKED!
 (designs not yet final)
 TeUGHEL
 $3000
 LOCKED!
 ANCAS
 $2500
 LOCKED!
 TORGI
 1996
 FATU
 $5000
 $3500
 LOCKED!
 LOCKED!
 $4000
 LOCKED!
 $4500
 LOCKED!
 NAJIN
 BOOKING BEN
 CELLA e B-ND
 (200
 1987
sixth-extinction:

korybing:

korybing:

korybing:

korybing:

theboredbaptist:

korybing:

ENDLINGS: LAST OF THEIR KIND ENAMEL PIN SET
I launched a new kickstarter! This one commemorates Endlings, individuals that were the last of their kind before their species went extinct. All of their stories are sad, but I think it’s important to remember them, especially since they all went extinct so recently!
The first three pins are Benjamin, the last Thylacine, Martha, the last Passenger Pigeon, and Lonesome George, the last Pinta Island Tortoise! With more to unlock, starting with Incas, the last Carolina Parakeet!
I’m REALLY excited about this project, so please pledge! The pins will be beautiful!!

didn’t george repopulate his entire species?

Sadly, no. He was the only tortoise found on Pinta Island in 1973, as feral goats introduced by humans had destroyed most of the vegetation on the island. Efforts were made to save George’s DNA in the form of hybrids with closely-related tortoise species ever since. Three clutches of eggs were laid throughout his remaining lifetime, but none ever hatched, and George died in 2012.

Incas and Turgi stretch goals have been unlocked!

Toughie the Rabbs’ Fringe-Limbed Frog and Booming Ben the Heath Hen have been unlocked!

ALL THE PINS HAVE BEEN UNLOCKED! A full set of Endlings pins is now TEN pins! Wow!
All stretch goals unlocked! Go get yourself some gorgeous pins!
                    
                
            

            
                
                
sixth-extinction:

korybing:

korybing:

korybing:

korybing:

theboredbaptist:

korybing:

ENDLINGS: LAST OF THEIR KIND ENAMEL PIN SET
I...

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        thebibliosphere:

doebarnes:

mugsandpugs:

jottingprosaist:

shredsandpatches:

hedwig-dordt:

naznomad:

martingoresangst:

Thats the weirdest erotic sentence i’ve read all month

this fucking post singlehandedly ruined my life

You don’t really appreciate how fucking great fan fic is when it comes to writing sex untill you stop to recognise how Serious Literary Stars fail at writing sex.

DO A BARREL ROLL



#in all my years of reading fic i have never encountered a sentence this terrible #did he just say that his dick smacked EVERY MUSCLE in her body except you know her vagina? #like I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CHEEK I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE SHOULDER I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CALF #what is your dick doing?? #how do you think sex works morrissey??


Forget what his dick is doing, what are her breasts doing? How do a pair of fat sacks attached to a ribcage barrel-roll anywhere? Let alone across a man’s mouth and then his wanger immediately after? Sir, why is your mouth so dong-adjacent? Is your weiner detachable, is that it? Do you have your joystick clutched in your hand so that you can score a sweet schlong-to-titty-roll immediately after a kiss and then proceed to beat your banana all over her body in the world’s most failed attempt at erotic massage??? HOW DO YOU THINK SEX WORKS???

… guys
….. Are the sex scenes in My Immortal better than this?“HE PUT HIS THINGY IN MY YOU-KNOW-WHAT AND WE HAD SEX.”
… I mean. Comparatively…

Like, in My Immortal, it’s at least implied he knows where he’s supposed to put it. It’s very simplistic, Ikea-style sex (insert tab A into slot B) but that’s better than this vague, useless composition of random, nonsensical placement and movement of body parts.

So yes, the sex in My Immortal is, in this sense, better.


@goddessemily   was it this post?


: People Can't Handle The
 Way Morrissey Describes A
 Boner In His Novel
 A bulbous salutation to you all.
 posted on Sept. 24, 2015, at 9:52 a.m
 Alan White
 BuzzFeed News Reporter, UK
 So, during a sex scene in Morrissey's
 recently published novel List of the
 Lost, this happens.
 Eliza's breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra's
 howling mouth and the pained frenzy of
 his bulbous salutation extenuating his
 excitement as it smacked its way into
 every muscle of Eliza's body except for
 the otherwise central zone."
 03
thebibliosphere:

doebarnes:

mugsandpugs:

jottingprosaist:

shredsandpatches:

hedwig-dordt:

naznomad:

martingoresangst:

Thats the weirdest erotic sentence i’ve read all month

this fucking post singlehandedly ruined my life

You don’t really appreciate how fucking great fan fic is when it comes to writing sex untill you stop to recognise how Serious Literary Stars fail at writing sex.

DO A BARREL ROLL



#in all my years of reading fic i have never encountered a sentence this terrible #did he just say that his dick smacked EVERY MUSCLE in her body except you know her vagina? #like I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CHEEK I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE SHOULDER I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CALF #what is your dick doing?? #how do you think sex works morrissey??


Forget what his dick is doing, what are her breasts doing? How do a pair of fat sacks attached to a ribcage barrel-roll anywhere? Let alone across a man’s mouth and then his wanger immediately after? Sir, why is your mouth so dong-adjacent? Is your weiner detachable, is that it? Do you have your joystick clutched in your hand so that you can score a sweet schlong-to-titty-roll immediately after a kiss and then proceed to beat your banana all over her body in the world’s most failed attempt at erotic massage??? HOW DO YOU THINK SEX WORKS???

… guys
….. Are the sex scenes in My Immortal better than this?“HE PUT HIS THINGY IN MY YOU-KNOW-WHAT AND WE HAD SEX.”
… I mean. Comparatively…

Like, in My Immortal, it’s at least implied he knows where he’s supposed to put it. It’s very simplistic, Ikea-style sex (insert tab A into slot B) but that’s better than this vague, useless composition of random, nonsensical placement and movement of body parts.

So yes, the sex in My Immortal is, in this sense, better.


@goddessemily   was it this post?



        

            
            

                
                
                    thebibliosphere:

doebarnes:

mugsandpugs:

jottingprosaist:

shredsandpatches:

hedwig-dordt:

naznomad:

martingoresangst:

Thats the weirdest erotic sentence i’ve read all month

this fucking post singlehandedly ruined my life

You don’t really appreciate how fucking great fan fic is when it comes to writing sex untill you stop to recognise how Serious Literary Stars fail at writing sex.

DO A BARREL ROLL



#in all my years of reading fic i have never encountered a sentence this terrible #did he just say that his dick smacked EVERY MUSCLE in her body except you know her vagina? #like I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CHEEK I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE SHOULDER I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CALF #what is your dick doing?? #how do you think sex works morrissey??


Forget what his dick is doing, what are her breasts doing? How do a pair of fat sacks attached to a ribcage barrel-roll anywhere? Let alone across a man’s mouth and then his wanger immediately after? Sir, why is your mouth so dong-adjacent? Is your weiner detachable, is that it? Do you have your joystick clutched in your hand so that you can score a sweet schlong-to-titty-roll immediately after a kiss and then proceed to beat your banana all over her body in the world’s most failed attempt at erotic massage??? HOW DO YOU THINK SEX WORKS???

… guys
….. Are the sex scenes in My Immortal better than this?“HE PUT HIS THINGY IN MY YOU-KNOW-WHAT AND WE HAD SEX.”
… I mean. Comparatively…

Like, in My Immortal, it’s at least implied he knows where he’s supposed to put it. It’s very simplistic, Ikea-style sex (insert tab A into slot B) but that’s better than this vague, useless composition of random, nonsensical placement and movement of body parts.

So yes, the sex in My Immortal is, in this sense, better.


@goddessemily   was it this post?


: People Can't Handle The
 Way Morrissey Describes A
 Boner In His Novel
 A bulbous salutation to you all.
 posted on Sept. 24, 2015, at 9:52 a.m
 Alan White
 BuzzFeed News Reporter, UK
 So, during a sex scene in Morrissey's
 recently published novel List of the
 Lost, this happens.
 Eliza's breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra's
 howling mouth and the pained frenzy of
 his bulbous salutation extenuating his
 excitement as it smacked its way into
 every muscle of Eliza's body except for
 the otherwise central zone."
 03
thebibliosphere:

doebarnes:

mugsandpugs:

jottingprosaist:

shredsandpatches:

hedwig-dordt:

naznomad:

martingoresangst:

Thats the weirdest erotic sentence i’ve read all month

this fucking post singlehandedly ruined my life

You don’t really appreciate how fucking great fan fic is when it comes to writing sex untill you stop to recognise how Serious Literary Stars fail at writing sex.

DO A BARREL ROLL



#in all my years of reading fic i have never encountered a sentence this terrible #did he just say that his dick smacked EVERY MUSCLE in her body except you know her vagina? #like I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CHEEK I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE SHOULDER I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CALF #what is your dick doing?? #how do you think sex works morrissey??


Forget what his dick is doing, what are her breasts doing? How do a pair of fat sacks attached to a ribcage barrel-roll anywhere? Let alone across a man’s mouth and then his wanger immediately after? Sir, why is your mouth so dong-adjacent? Is your weiner detachable, is that it? Do you have your joystick clutched in your hand so that you can score a sweet schlong-to-titty-roll immediately after a kiss and then proceed to beat your banana all over her body in the world’s most failed attempt at erotic massage??? HOW DO YOU THINK SEX WORKS???

… guys
….. Are the sex scenes in My Immortal better than this?“HE PUT HIS THINGY IN MY YOU-KNOW-WHAT AND WE HAD SEX.”
… I mean. Comparatively…

Like, in My Immortal, it’s at least implied he knows where he’s supposed to put it. It’s very simplistic, Ikea-style sex (insert tab A into slot B) but that’s better than this vague, useless composition of random, nonsensical placement and movement of body parts.

So yes, the sex in My Immortal is, in this sense, better.


@goddessemily   was it this post?



                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
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        srsfunny:If You’ve Ever Wanted To Learn This: Fig 1: Form an "A" shape with your index
 and middle fingers using both hands.
 Extend your middle and index fingers on both hands, keeping
 them dlose together, while your thumbs hold down your ring
 and pinky fingers.
 Place your two middle fingers together, formingan "A" shape.
 Ifeel likelget a louder and more forceful whistle using this
 finger combo.
 Fig 2: Draw back your lips to
 cover your teeth
 Lip placement is key. Give your lips a quick lick to wet your
 whistle. Tuck your lips back over your teeth. It's what you do
 when you pretend you're an old man without any teeth.
 Your lips need to cover your teeth in order to whistle
 successfully Feel free to adjust how much or little you tuck
 your lips back. It's going to vary from person to person.
 Your fingers will help keep your bottom lip tucked over
 your teeth.
 Fig 3: Push tongue back into mouth.
 Place the tip of your fingers undemeath your tongue right at
 the tip.
 Push the tip of your tongue back with your fingers. You're
 basically folding the first 1/4 of your tongue back on itself.
 Push your tongue back into your mouth until your first
 knuckle reaches your bottom lips.
 ーレーじ
 Fig 4: Blow through the hole between
 your two index fingers.
 Give a soft blow out your mouth. You should feel the air
 only go out over your bottom lip. If you feel air coming out
 the sides of your mouth, close your mouth tighter around
 your fingers. Remember, perfect seal.
 Make sure you don't see your tongue make an appearance
 in the hole between your fingers! It's blocking the air from
 coming out.
 You probably won't get a sound right off the bat. That's
 okay. Adjust your finger placement under your tongue
 and experiment with different finger angles and varying
 degrees of lip tuckage until you find the sweet spot.
 Experimentation is key-keep making little adjustments.
 You'll know when you're getting dose to your whistle
 sweet spot because you'll start producing a noise that
 sounds sort of like you're blowing over a beer bottle.Start
 blowing more forcefully, until you get that high-pitched
 and loud whistle.
srsfunny:If You’ve Ever Wanted To Learn This
        

            
            

                
                
                    srsfunny:If You’ve Ever Wanted To Learn This: Fig 1: Form an "A" shape with your index
 and middle fingers using both hands.
 Extend your middle and index fingers on both hands, keeping
 them dlose together, while your thumbs hold down your ring
 and pinky fingers.
 Place your two middle fingers together, formingan "A" shape.
 Ifeel likelget a louder and more forceful whistle using this
 finger combo.
 Fig 2: Draw back your lips to
 cover your teeth
 Lip placement is key. Give your lips a quick lick to wet your
 whistle. Tuck your lips back over your teeth. It's what you do
 when you pretend you're an old man without any teeth.
 Your lips need to cover your teeth in order to whistle
 successfully Feel free to adjust how much or little you tuck
 your lips back. It's going to vary from person to person.
 Your fingers will help keep your bottom lip tucked over
 your teeth.
 Fig 3: Push tongue back into mouth.
 Place the tip of your fingers undemeath your tongue right at
 the tip.
 Push the tip of your tongue back with your fingers. You're
 basically folding the first 1/4 of your tongue back on itself.
 Push your tongue back into your mouth until your first
 knuckle reaches your bottom lips.
 ーレーじ
 Fig 4: Blow through the hole between
 your two index fingers.
 Give a soft blow out your mouth. You should feel the air
 only go out over your bottom lip. If you feel air coming out
 the sides of your mouth, close your mouth tighter around
 your fingers. Remember, perfect seal.
 Make sure you don't see your tongue make an appearance
 in the hole between your fingers! It's blocking the air from
 coming out.
 You probably won't get a sound right off the bat. That's
 okay. Adjust your finger placement under your tongue
 and experiment with different finger angles and varying
 degrees of lip tuckage until you find the sweet spot.
 Experimentation is key-keep making little adjustments.
 You'll know when you're getting dose to your whistle
 sweet spot because you'll start producing a noise that
 sounds sort of like you're blowing over a beer bottle.Start
 blowing more forcefully, until you get that high-pitched
 and loud whistle.
srsfunny:If You’ve Ever Wanted To Learn This
                    
                
            

            
                
                
srsfunny:If You’ve Ever Wanted To Learn This

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
Save