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Alive, Beard, and Children: feniczoroark: minority-cubed: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. oh my god these are great fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates I can feel the frustration
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Advice, Ass, and Bad: only1600kids itsagifnotagif lesbianvenom in fifteen minutes I'm going to tell you the story about how my dumb lesbian ass willingly went into a dorm with four bros lesbianvenom it's been more than fifteen minutes I know but you will get the full scoop on this (also l'm okay) lesbianvenom Okay STORY TIME sol was walking back from work around nineish and my neighbor/seminar classmate is in the hallway talking to his girlfriend. he sees me and he's like "hey!! hey classmate whose name I don't know" so I turned around and was like "it's Hayley. and he apologized for not knowing (I didn't know his name either so I wasn't mad) and asked if I'd started my first paper for seminar. he asked me what it was on so I told him and he was like "I'm so stuck I have no idea what to do," so clearly the natural response for my stupid ass to make is to offer him help I told him to knock on our door and ask for me if he needed help. maybe I did this because I was still in tutor mode from work. maybe I did it because no one takes those offers up anyway, right? wrong! a half an hour later, as I'm getting ready to shower, he knocks for the door and asks for me, and all my roommates don't believe him bc he's this dude bro who clearly works out and is wearing a johnny cash tshirt. like how fake deep is that. i would never associate with a dude bro so he invites me back to his place and as I'm walking there I'm like "this could very possibly be a bad idea," but I go anyway bc I'm a dumbass with no sense of self preservation. he lets me into his apartment and I'm immediately hit with the bro-ness of it all: a sports illustrated poster on the wall, protein powder EVERYWHERE, posters of beer, snap backs, flasks, and a guitar because of course there is. his room is no better, and alarm bells are just fucking going off and I'm trying to think of a quick exit. then he tries to close his damn door to his own room and I'm like "hold up that stays open" and he was like "oh yeah I'm sorry I didn't think about that," which was....considerate. two hours, two cigarette breaks later, one opening paragraph later, and one of his roommates trying to hit on me later, he starts talking about intersectionality and my mind goes?????????????? and we legit talked about rape culture and trump and how fucked we all are. eventually we started talking about the law and feminism so then I tell him I'm gay and his immediate response is "do you get those stupid microagressions from guys who say they can turn you straight?" and it took me a minute to respond bc the fact he even knew that word was so bizarre it was like worlds colliding he then tells me he thinks his little sister might be gay because he thinks she told him while he was drunk one night but he couldn't remember so he asks for advice because he doesn't want to upset her because, in his words, "I'm not gay so you know I don't understand it like you do. then, because the night of course could get weirder, he tells me he writes poetry but doesn't tell anyone because he'll get shit for it bc he's supposed to be a "tough guy" and masculine and shit and I just feel Jesus sending me a message through this kid that shouldn't judge all dude bros by the bro-ness of their looks but I also wanna stay sexy and not get murdered so I'm gonna keep doing that. sorry jesus. finally I left because I was tired and also I had to wash the smell of bad cologne off of me but guys this was an experience please be- lieve me. i was standing in the shower before just letting the water wash over me as the whole two hour ordeal played over in my head because we laughed, we talked. he told me something about himself no one else knows, we exchanged political ideas and fist bumps. we bonded over the stress of a seminar paper and now we are forever changed by this event. so that was how my dumb lesbian ass willingly walked into a room with four dudebros in it. cutecajunlizard I was so scared this was gonna go badly but turns out it's about making new friends in unexpected places Source: lesbianvenom 83,261 notes Dudebro Story
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Driving, England, and Fashion: High heels were originally created for men. Butchers used them to avoid stepping in blood. generalmajorlieutenant: gallifrey-feels: alliartist: rifa: prokopetz: nebcondist1: prokopetz: I’ve seen this image going around, and I feel compelled to point out that it’s only half-right. It’s true that high heels were originally a masculine fashion, but they weren’t originally worn by butchers - nor for any other utilitarian purpose, for that matter. High heels were worn by men for exactly the same reason they’re worn by women today: to display one’s legs to best effect. Until quite recently, shapely, well-toned calves and thighs were regarded as an absolute prerequisite for male attractiveness. That’s why you see so many paintings of famous men framed to show off their legs - like this one of George Washington displaying his fantastic calves: … or this one of Louis XIV of France rocking a fabulous pair of red platform heels (check out those thighs!): … or even this one of Charles I of England showing off his high-heeled riding boots - note, again, the visual emphasis on his well-formed calves: In summary: were high heels originally worn by men? Yes. Were they worn to keep blood off their feet? No at all - they were worn for the same reason they’re worn today: to look fabulous. so then how did they become a solo feminine item of attire? A variety of reasons. In France, for example, high heels fell out out of favour in the court of Napoleon due to their association with aristocratic decadence, while in England, the more conservative fashions of the Victorian era regarded it as indecent for a man to openly display his calves. But then, fashions come and go. The real question is why heels never came back into fashion for men - and that can be laid squarely at the feet of institutionalised homophobia. Essentially, heels for men were never revived because, by the early 20th Century, sexually provocative attire for men had come to be associated with homosexuality; the resulting moral panic ushered in an era of drab, blocky, fully concealing menswear in which a well-turned calf simply had no place - a setback from which men’s fashion has yet to fully recover. FASHION HISTORY IS HUMAN HISTORY OK Thank you, history side of tumblr. That “stay out of blood” thing has been driving me mad. Wait. So, you’re telling me that the reason straight boys dress horribly is because they’re not over a 100 year old gay panic? You’re telling me that the gross, baggy, shapeless menswear that has been almost singlehandedly ruining my life is the result of a bunch of dudes in the 1900’s collectively going ‘AAAAH WHAT IF THEY THINK WE’RE GAY’ Fuck that shit. BRING BACK MENS HEELS BRING BACK MENS TIGHTS MAKE MEN SEXY AGAIN i for one like the idea of a man’s legs being an absolute prerequisite for male attractiveness and second bringing back mens heels and tights
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Driving, England, and Fashion: High heels were originally created for men. Butchers used them to avoid stepping in blood. gallifrey-feels: alliartist: rifa: prokopetz: nebcondist1: prokopetz: I’ve seen this image going around, and I feel compelled to point out that it’s only half-right. It’s true that high heels were originally a masculine fashion, but they weren’t originally worn by butchers - nor for any other utilitarian purpose, for that matter. High heels were worn by men for exactly the same reason they’re worn by women today: to display one’s legs to best effect. Until quite recently, shapely, well-toned calves and thighs were regarded as an absolute prerequisite for male attractiveness. That’s why you see so many paintings of famous men framed to show off their legs - like this one of George Washington displaying his fantastic calves: … or this one of Louis XIV of France rocking a fabulous pair of red platform heels (check out those thighs!): … or even this one of Charles I of England showing off his high-heeled riding boots - note, again, the visual emphasis on his well-formed calves: In summary: were high heels originally worn by men? Yes. Were they worn to keep blood off their feet? No at all - they were worn for the same reason they’re worn today: to look fabulous. so then how did they become a solo feminine item of attire? A variety of reasons. In France, for example, high heels fell out out of favour in the court of Napoleon due to their association with aristocratic decadence, while in England, the more conservative fashions of the Victorian era regarded it as indecent for a man to openly display his calves. But then, fashions come and go. The real question is why heels never came back into fashion for men - and that can be laid squarely at the feet of institutionalised homophobia. Essentially, heels for men were never revived because, by the early 20th Century, sexually provocative attire for men had come to be associated with homosexuality; the resulting moral panic ushered in an era of drab, blocky, fully concealing menswear in which a well-turned calf simply had no place - a setback from which men’s fashion has yet to fully recover. FASHION HISTORY IS HUMAN HISTORY OK Thank you, history side of tumblr. That “stay out of blood” thing has been driving me mad. Wait. So, you’re telling me that the reason straight boys dress horribly is because they’re not over a 100 year old gay panic? You’re telling me that the gross, baggy, shapeless menswear that has been almost singlehandedly ruining my life is the result of a bunch of dudes in the 1900’s collectively going ‘AAAAH WHAT IF THEY THINK WE’RE GAY’ Fuck that shit. BRING BACK MENS HEELS BRING BACK MENS TIGHTS MAKE MEN SEXY AGAIN
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