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Blessed, Huh, and Meme: @oscarewilde i received this comically large pencil as a gift several years ago and my first thought, understandably, was 'what the christ am i meant to do with this?' @oscarewilde the 2nd thought i had was: I'm Quite Certain I Could Ruin Someone's Day With This. And so a while ago i took it in with me to a lecture, hoping against hope that whichever poor Fool was unfortunate enough to sit next to me might have forgotten or misplaced their writing implement @oscarewilde utilising The Pencil is also dependent on the person not using a laptop. So the chances of success are extraordinarily slim, and I've only managed to find suitable candidates three times in all of the dozens of occasions i've had The Pencil on my person @oscarewilde i size up my target, watching them feign patting their pockets in vain for the ballpoint they so obviously left at home, and i wait, i wait for the blessed question.... Do You Have A Pen I Could Borrow? @oscarewilde Oh, i say, 'I'm so sorry; I only have a pencil. That's fine!' i hear them say, distantly now, as the blood is rushing to my ears andican barely hear them. Imaintain a straight face. This is key to the delivery and the final blow @oscarewilde Ireach into my bag for The Pencil. The look of utter dumbfounded misery as i hand it to the victim is unparalleled in its sweetness. In an instant their eyes flicker through the 5 stages of grief, landing on acceptance, as they realise it's This or Nothing @oscarewilde still maintaining that eye contact i smile, only the tiniest fraction, the unspoken words forming between us. 'What are you gonna do now, huh? You feeling lucky, kiddo? Buddy? Buckaroo? You gonna kick up a fuss in this silent lecture theatre? Huh? Or will you take The Pencil? @oscarewilde they Always take the pencil ifynny.co Tap to see the meme

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Dating, Desperate, and Drinking: 20:14 O 11% Claire Today 18:23 Am I supposed to send my CV to you separate or do you just want a covering letter? Covering letter is enough Could I get a job description to base it off please? Today 19:35 Lonely, mildly depressed single female seeking remotely stable man friend to people watch in reality and via Netflix Responsibilities include: Chaperoning to live music events, cinemas and shitty Dundee bars, perhaps occasionally a nightclub. Corresponding via a range of media within adequate times. Ability to tolerate prolonged bouts of complaining about life or work as well a questionable music taste. Providing mental and physical support in a range of activities including the gym. Spooning and perhaps sexual duties. Temporary post. Potential to become permanent. I'm a business teacher, this is my shit right here Today 20:06 Dear Claire, I'm writing this letter in regards to the temporary/permanent position of Partner. Please find my desperate attempt at wooing below. I am a reasonably stable Male that has previous experience in dating/ being a partner, with varying levels of success. Can deal with copious amounts of complaining over different forms of communication, very rarely leaves on read. Prefer outdoor activities to indoor exercise but can do. Will deal with drinking sessions professionally until shots are ordered though will still find way home. Sexual performance may vary. Thank you for taking the time to review my application, I look forward to hearing from you and hopefully progressing to the next stage of a date. I can't believe you actually wrote me a cover letter it's one of the better ones I've had so I guess we could do an "interview". Type a message... GIF Her bio read “It’s a bio, no a CV.”
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