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80s, Africa, and Books: GUIDE TO FIGURING OUT THE AGE OF AN UNDATED WORLD MAP (ASSUMING ITS COrMPLETE, LABELEDN ENGUSH, AND DETAILED ENOUGH) DO ANY OF THESE EXIST? NO INDEPENDENT CANADA US TERRITORY OF ALASKA TOKYO ISTANBUL OR CONSTANTINOPLE? START DOES THE SOVET UNION EXIST? CONSTANTINOPLE NETHERSTANBUL THE HOLY ROMAN EMPIRE? 15 MOST OF WEST AFRICA A GIANT FRENCH BLOB? SAUDI YES 1805 OR EARUER (BEFORE THIS POINT THE MODERN IDEAOF ACOMPLETE POLITICAL MAP OF THEWORLD GETS HARD TOAPPLY ARABIA? THE SOVIET UNION? NO ZAIRE? OR HONG KONG (UK DOES THE OTTOMAN 1922-1932 YES EPIRE EXIST? SOUTH AFRICA? NO YES HOW MANY VIETNAMS ARE THERE? 992-96 AUSTRIA HUNGARY? NORTH KOREA? SAINT TRIMBLES ISLAND SERBIA/MONTENEGRO ARE.. ONE COUNTRY TO COUNTRIES NOT IS JAN MAYEN PART OF THE KINGDOMOF NORUAY? THE UNITED STATES? NO YES HOU SURE ARE YOU THAT THIS MAP IS IN ENGLISH? WHAT? PAKISTAN? BANGLADESH? YES NOIMADE THAT ONE UP LENINGRAD? NOYES 1919-23 1124-29 HOU MANY SUDANS ARE THERE? RHODESIA? EAST TIMOR? NO YES 972-75 ALBANIA? CAN YOU SEE THE FAMIUAR CONTINENTS? NO YES 1910-12 1915-18 1997-2001 2002-06 TEXAS IS.. PARTOF MEXICO INDEPEN-THE US DENT 834-45 2007- HOW MANY GERMANYS ARE THERE? TUO CAMBODIA? PARTOF THIS SOUNDS LIKE A PHYSICAL MAP OR SATELLITE PHOTO "COLORADO OR "DANGER-RADIOACTIVE EXCLUSION ZONE-AVOID? DANGER YES ONE ONE, BUT ITS HUGE 1941-45 IS CRIMEA DISPUTED? ISNORUAY PART OF SUEDEN? YES 18%-1905 1906-09 h-9h6l YES, THATS IT ERITREA IS PARTOF.. EH袨袪袗 1952-53 FLORIDA IS PARTOF.. COLORADO 204-2 PERSIA OR IRAN? 2012-13 RIVERS SIRION OR ANDUIN? ITALY SPAIN THE US RAN PERSIA DOES THE UARNING MENTION THE SPIDERS? IS LAKE CHAD MISSING? 1935-40 1930-34 IS BOLIVIA LANDLOCKED? JIMMY CARTER IS. BENGATTACKED BY A T FINE GANT SUMING RPESIT APRIL 20 1979 VENEZUELA ANDOR ECUADOR? NO YES 1818-29 1830-33 THE UNITED ARAB REPUBLIC? NO 1954-57 1958-60 PARAGUAY? CANADA IS.. MISSING FINE A PIECE 1948 YES 1806-10 18-17 2023 ORLATER 2022 CAIR PARAVEL? 1884-95 THE SINAI IS PART OF WHAT COUNTRY? ISRAELT MOSTLY ISRAEL MOSTLY EGYPT EGYPT 1980 IS THE ARAL SEA MISSING? 15 THE AREA SOUTH OF LAKE VICTORIA. TANGANYIKA 1961-64 MOSSFLOUER? MORDOR? BUDA AND PEST OR BUDAPEST? 1981 1976-79 DOES RUSSIA BORDER THE SEA OF JAPAN? TANZANIA BRITISH 1965-71 960 1970s-90s 20O0st REDUALL WHATS THE CAPITALOF MICRONESIA? KOLONIA BUDA AND BUDAPEST PEST PAUKIR 1873-83 1858-67 IS THE WORLD ON THE BACK OF A TURTUE? NO DISCWORLD THE TOUN ON 1-25 BETUEEN ALBUQUERQUE AND EL PASO IS.. HOT SPRINGS TRUTH OR CONSEQUENCES 1868-72 NOMENOR? YES NO LATE SECOND AGE BELERIAND? REPUBLIC OF THE UPPER VOLTA OR BURKINA FASO? THE USS SOUTHERN BORDER LOOKS. WEIRD FIRST EARLY AGE SECOND AGE NORMAL 854-56 1948-49 1950-52 UPPER VOLTA BURKNA FASO 1982-84 846-53 ARE YOU SURE THIS IS A MAP? CALORMEN? 1985-88 THE FOREST EASTOF THE MISTY MOUNTAINS IS.. IS IT TRYING HOU FAR EAST DO THE AMERICAN PRAIRIES REACH? THE MISSISSIPPINEBRASKA 1830s-80s (NUMBER OF YEMENS)+(NUMBER OF GERTMANYS) FOUR 1989-EARLY 1990 TO BITE YOU? ? INDIANA UNAT PRAIRIES? GREENJOODI MRKJOOD THE GREAT EARLY THIRD AGE THE UOOD OF GREENLEAVES THREE MID-1990 BEFORE 1830 LATE THIRD AGE FOURTH AGE LATE1990-199 DID YOU MAKE IT YOURSELF? WEIRD RECURSIVE HEAVEN? 15 THERE A BIG LAKE IN THE MIDDLE OF SOUTHERN CAUFORNIA? (CREATED BY MISTAKE) I5 THERE A BIG LAKE IN THE MIDDLE OF GHANA? (CREATED ON PURPOSE) NO 1920s-505 LOTTA 1SLANDS? IF YOU LET IT GO UHAT DOES IT DO? I5 IT LARGER THAN A BREADBOX? YES TUBA STAPLER THE SAME BERUNA FORDBRIDGE HISSES AND RUNS AWAY CAT SCREECHES AND FLAPS ARDUND THE ROOn BREAKING THINGE5 YES ONE OF THE THE RANDOM LAST LATER BOOKS BATE NO YES ABOUT ITS VERY NICE. THANK YOU RELION PRINCE UEHE CASPIAN WARDROBE DALIN TREACER YES SEAGULL BREADBOX 1860s-1900s 1960s-70s 1910s land-of-maps: this helps a lot

land-of-maps: this helps a lot

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Denny's, Disney, and Fire: halleregina Okay now that I've finally quit Denny's let me tell you guys about the bizarre fucking otherworld it is The music and the room temperature are controlled by corporate. Corporate plays a lot of pop covers of Disney princess songs I've never heard before. I now have a dance routine to the K-Pop sounding version of Let it Go. Our sign flickered fast and red and demonically for a week and the repairman said he couldn't find anything wrong with it. People did drug deals in, like, broad daylight in the middle of the parking lot multiple times a week. It's open 24/7. We had a backup generator none of us knew about until there was a massive storm one night and we looked out to see a tree knocked over and our lights the only thing on for miles. You could weather the apocalypse with no idea the apocalypse was even happening. Regular customers included: A man convinced the chemtrails are real who gave me six separate pieces of literature on the subject A little person named Kevin who told me "sometimes I call myself a dwarf when I'm feeling whimsical" An actual group of Neo-Nazis An actual Earth, Wind, and Fire cover band (they played for us) o Twins who came in separately on the same day and I thought they were one woman changing outfits rapidly for the longest time A Scottish landscaper who told us we "couldn't prove he doesn't know Simon Pegg" I have more these are just off the top of my head halleregina I can't believe I forgot two line cooks got into a really heated argument about whether Vin Diesel is bisexual or not I asked an elderly man if he wanted to use the AARP discount and he said "No, I'm not a socialist"
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Apparently, Bad, and Fucking: My Chemical Romace ..usually burn... My Chemical Romance are goniuses. I will say it go) on any givan "roality TV show, which again: geniuses! They wrote this catchy song about one would it be and why? not being okay. Can you imagine anything striking a FRANK: GROWING UP GOTTI, cause I'm a quar- deeper chord with the key high-school-aged record- ter Polish and three-quarters mobster. buying demographic? I swear, they must be managed by Steve Forbes or something. I'm not dissin'-I'm SKRATCH: Does anyone in the band have just jealous! Do you realize how many underage an obnoxious girlfriend? What makes her girls these guys must have swarming around their so lame? tour bus?! It boggles the mind. Anyway, I had a really FRANK: What, are you kidding me? You're gonna great e-mail exchange with guitarist Frank Lero. He's get me into trouble with this one. Fine: Mikey's girl- got a great sense of humor and he believes in evolu- friend. Ha ha, l'm callin' you out, Jeanna bait! Yeah, tion-so, as far as l'm concerned, he deserves to live that's right-I went there. a happy, normal life. Judge for yourself, though. SKRATCH: If you had to wear either high SKRATCH: Late at night when you think heels or a bra on a regular basis, which of the Warped Tour, what do you think of? would you pick, and why? FRANK: The lack of showering, rad Porta-Potties, FRANK: Dang. Neither, really. I have bad ankles, and friendship. so the heels are not even a question; and bras just seem like a hassle, SKRATCH: You guys are kinda pale. Are you worried about sunburn on the SKRATCH: Do you believe in evolution? Warped Tour? What will you do to prevent FRANK: Yes, because it happened. Next it? Or are you looking for a little color? FRANK: Um, I don't know It's really not something SKRATCH: If you killed someone, where I'm too concerned about...butI do usually burn, would you hide the body? Do you think especially on my face, and that's never any fun...so you'd get away with it? maybe I should come up with some sort of a plan. FRANK: I would hide the body in a voting booth. Apparently, intelligent people haven't stepped foot in those things for years. SKRATCH:I love the way your music video looks like a film trailer. If they were to ac- tually make the film being "advertised," what would the plot be? What character And that way, if Ashcroft is running for any sort of office, the body can do a little last-minute campaign FRANK: There would be absolutely no plot whatso- ing! Ha ha ha. Oh, man, I'm fucking funny. Is that too ever. It would be lots of close-ups of Gerard, some heady a reference for a Warped Tour guide? Well, more of Mikey, a car would blow up, and it would be take your mind off it by checking out My Chemical Romance all summer long on this year's Warped Tour! And throw my man Frank some sunscreen when you see him. I worry about hirm, you know? would each member of the band play? over. I would audition for the part of Godzilla. SKRATCH: Man, didn't high school suck? FRANK: [Tou hit the] nail on the head, sister. SKRATCH: If you could go (or had to www.skratchmagazine.com By Jeff Penalty /Photo by Derrick Santini playing 6/18-8/1S www.theimmortalityproject.com callmeblake: mcrmyhollywoodscans: JUNE 2004 - SKRATCH Photo Credit: Derrick Santini
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