🔥 Popular | Latest

Apparently, Ass, and Drunk: snarling-through-our-smiles I once lost my keys at a frat house. My drunk ass had actually walked home without them, pounded on my apartment door, gotten let in by my rightfully- disgruntled roommate, and proceeded to pass out on the couch. Apparently I puked in the toilet before passing out do not remember The next morning, I schlepped back to the frat house. I stood there, right in front of the front door. This was a novel experience for me. I'd never been at a frat house in broad daylight before. A boy, presumably, of the house, asked me what I was doing. "I lost my keys in here last night, I called back. "I was seeing if I could go in and look for them?" He opened the door and gestured for me o come in. "Go wherever you want." I'd never seen a frat house post-party Derore. Wandering up the stairs a by hungover and still-drunk frat boys sandals and gym shorts, seeking out food and showers like moths to a porch light. A few of them threw puzzled glances my way. I'm sure they thought I was some post-bacchanalia hallucination. I entered one room where a boy was drunkenly watching some Old Yeller- esque movie on a tiny TV in the corner of his room from his bed. "Do you like dog movies?" he asked, voice from the fact that his face was squished against his pillow and half-buried by his blanket. I told him I did. e mumbled again, pleased, and asked what I was doing. I told him I was looking my keys. "Sorry, I haven't seen any keys around bere I didn't doubt him. Twenty minutes had passed. I'd searched just about every bedroom and nuclear- at dumn-site of a bathroom in that house. I'd given up on ever finding my keys and was prepared to beg my roommates' forgiveness and get a new set copied. As I stood there in the hallway, silently a particularly burly frat boy approached me. "You need help with something? "I lost my keys here last night and I can't find them, I've looked everywhere. "What do they look like? I'll put it into the group chat. He was already pulling out his phone. No one ever checks a group chat, I thought, but what the hell. It was worth a shot. "Um, it's just a ring of keys. The keychain is a pink plastic cat, though, like yea big. Like bright pink, you can't miss He nodded, presumably typing this description faithfully into the group chat. "Alright, I sent the message out. Good luck. e turned and left. And with that, A few moments later, I heard a distant and it was getting louder and louder, One assumes that how I felt in that moment was how Simba felt seeing the wildebeest stampede through the ravine as a horde large young men all thundered down the stairs, making a beeling for me. "Someone tell the girl!" One of them shouted, faceless in the mob. "Girl! Hey, GIRL! We found your keys, girl!!! They circled around me. I hadn't felt that old, One of them split himself off from the crowd. "Are these -"he pulled out a ring of keys from his pocket, "your keys? And lo, there was the distinctive bright millennial pink cat keychain dangling off the ring. "Yes,"I whispered. "Oh my god, yes." "EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYY!!" The cheer went up. Turns out he found them in the bathroom upstairs. I thanked them again profusely. There was a scattered round of "no problems" and then, just suddenly as they descended, they all dispersed, like ships in the night. gatorfisch THIS is boys will be boys Nice Frathouse
Save
Beautiful, Children, and Club: Logan Trent @TheLoganTrent Follow Millennials are killing the golf industry Business Insider Millennials are obsessed with the style of life'- and it's killing retailers Millennials are killing the movie business I New York Post Millennials are Killing the Golf Industry - the BLITZ agency blog Will The Millennial Generation Kill Home Depot? - Forbes Millennials are killing relationships and we should be concerned Take Two | Are millennials killing the running trend? Maybe. | 89.3 KPCC Are Millennials Killing Wine? An exposé. | Quench Magazine "Promiscuous" Millennials Are Killing McDonald's: Gothamist How Millennials Lack Of Manners Is Killing Class Unwritten Millennials Are Killing Off Paper Napkins | Mclntyre in the Morning Are Millennials Killing The Car Industry? | DrivingSales News Here's HoW Millennials Have Killed Crowfunding | Bossip Are Millennials Killing Credit? Top Rated High Risk Merchant RETWEETS LIKES 130 102 2:14 PM 23 Aug 2016 130102 halfsyproblems: princeloki: f1rstperson: Glad to see my lifelong disinterest in golf is paying off let me tell you about golf i grew up in a little desert valley called Tucson, Arizona, where it only rains 2 inches a year on average. the majority of the city’s water is pumped from an underground aquifer, which took millions of years to fill. one of the biggest conservation efforts in our city was for water, naturally, and i spent a lot of time learning about low flow toilets and 5 minute showers. i learned that filling your sink basin and washing your dishes in that water is less costly than running the tap. i learned that it only takes 2 days without water on the desert for someone to die the city was sinking as the aquifer drained. neighborhoods fell into flood zones that didnt exist 10 years ago there’s a road called Golf Links in the city and it is lined with golf courses. miles of green grass where grass doesn’t grow, in a valley where it doesn’t rain. why? because the rich white retirees who moved there to stop the aching in their joints decided they should also get to play golf. meanwhile our public schools taught small children like me that taking long showers would kill the world let the golf industry burn Can I add, as someone who played competitive golf for a while (shut up, y’all know I’m nouveau-riche AmKal trash, and it was just SO satisfying to yank trophies out from under all those old name gadje), there is NO REASON golf courses have to be so manicured! Honestly, it would make the game more challenging and fun if you just played on standard area terrain. It would be significantly cheaper for the owners, too, and they wouldn’t have to repair the green every week when the fucking rich folk inevitably refuse to fix their own divets. Not to mention it would make the sport cheaper and more accessible to people who aren’t rich, retired white men (granted, there’s a lot of other cost issues in golf, like the fact that a decent driver can run for $200 for, again, no damn reason, but this would at least help). And you could still make it safe and accessible for elderly players without completely killing the natural landscape and wasting resources. These over-tended greens are just there because they make play marginally easier and because wealthy clubhouse people like the look of them (and it justifies keeping fees high enough to, y’know, “keep the riffraff out”).Those were the things that really drove me away from the sport, to be honest - the blatant racism/classism among most players, the wastefulness, and the complete aversion to change, or even to acknowledging things could be changed. Like I used to hear players talk all the time about how much they loved “being out in nature” and it made me want to break a club over their heads, because oh my God, do you think this is what nature is?! If you actually want to appreciate somewhere with beautiful landscapes like Arizona while you play, then don’t build a fucking emerald green in the middle of a desert! And if you’re just there to play on pretty, easy, fake turf, then go to a virtual range. I know old golfers hate computers more than anything else, but at least my generations keeps their simulated hobbies INSIDE where they can’t ruin the local environment. Like I think it’s pretty telling that I started this little rant by apologizing for enjoying golf (a sport I do still like in theory, and think a lot of people would enjoy if it was ever pried out of the hands of rich white snobs). I know a lot of people who don’t fit the conventional golfer mold who are in the same boat. They’re good players, and they still want to play, but the course culture is so fucking terrible it drove them out permanently. So yeah, like OP said: burn the golf industry. It’s killing the environment, it’s killing communities, and (if you somehow don’t care about those but do care about golf) it’s killing the sport itself. As it is, golf is gonna go the way of croquet in like 15 years tops. And, as it is, I won’t be sorry to see it go.TLDR, give me desert ball or nothing.
Save