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Ass, Bad, and Beautiful: teaboot I swear to God I'm going to kill my pothead stoner asshole neighbors. This apartment has no fucking air circulation and it's hot as Lucifer's tits in here so I open window and it's fucking 25/7around-the-clock goddamned fucking CLOUDS of fucking weed coming up the side of the building, fucking hotboxes by proxy two stories up. Holy fuck. Holy fuck. Like I could not physically give less of a steaming shit that they're smoking pot, I don't care, I don't give a FUUUUCK, but it's a beautiful 3 in the afternoon or pouring rain at 1 AM and ITS PRECIPITATING WEED SWEAT IN MY LIVIBG ROOM I swear to God they're just chucking it by the kilo onto the barbecue at this point. They've got to be hosting a fucking White Trash Bob Marley revival tour on their fucking balcony and broadcasting it live to Hoboken They're doing a goddamned kush marathon fundraiser to raise awareness for discontinued Doritos flavours I can hear them coughing smoke. FROM MY BATHROOM Every so often I hear a loud ass *wheeeeze*, and I pray to the Lord that one of them has finally Gone Home To Jesus There is no reason in the entire known universe for three people to consume this much fucking devil lettuce per day. They should be dead. They're going to be the first known death caused by a marijuana overdose I cannot overstate how bad it smells When I open my window, I'm immediately astral-projected into the body of a 43 year old blonde woman with dreadlocks named Amethystglow Phoenixfire. She has an OM tattoo on top of her left foot and sells decorative gourds online. Her "spirit animal" is a tiger. She has a rescue dog and feeds it on a strict vegan diet. She doesn't believe in soap An hour later I emerge from my vision wearing a triple X size mumu, one burkinstock, and a Lulu lemon headband. I didn't own a bongo before, but I do now teaboot I promised my mama I wouldn't grow up to be a violet person but Its past midnight on a Thursday and I'm about to go downstairs and strangle these shit spewing smog muppets with my own two bare hands teaboot I have to get up at 6 AM for work tomorrow morning and I'm going to have to walk past a crime scene that looks like three oily sheepdogs were beaten to death by Oscar the grouch and I'm going to have to pretend I have no idea what happened teaboot I'm so fucking high right now teaboot HOLY FUCK THIS IS STILL MY LIFE BUT ON THE BRIGHT SIDE THEIR COUGHS ARE NOW A LONG, WHISTLING WHEEZE SO MAYBE GOD IS HERE TO INTERVENE Source: teaboot The neighbors are doing the weed.
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