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Amazon, Complex, and Jeff Bezos: Dazed Jeff Bezos Realizes He Spent Entire Conversation Thinking About How To Automate Person Talking To Him theonion: SEATTLE—Suddenly snapping back to attention, a dazed Jeff Bezos reportedly realized Thursday that he had spent an entire conversation thinking about how to automate the person talking to him. “Sorry, could you repeat that? I just lost focus for a second [as I indifferently watched you open and close your mouth, becoming increasingly aware of the fact that a simple machine could do the exact same things as you],” Bezos said to the Amazon vice president in front of him, even as he resumed brainstorming a complex algorithm that would streamline the executive’s duties, perform them with greater speed and efficiency, and possibly even capture some of his unique human qualities to make it user-friendly. “Whoops, there I go again. I must’ve spaced out [after realizing I could probably render you completely irrelevant within just a few years]. I guess I’m really distracted today [by the tantalizing thought of an automaton executing every one of your relevant functions for no salary with never a single complaint].” Bezos, who suddenly recalled a series of vivid dreams from the previous night in which he automated the entire American workforce, went on to apologize for not getting much sleep.

theonion: SEATTLE—Suddenly snapping back to attention, a dazed Jeff Bezos reportedly realized Thursday that he had spent an entire conversa...

Anaconda, Food, and Homeless: 4G7:17 What is the most money you have seen someone spend at McDonald's? Elysia Marie, Staff Researcher R Updated Nov 8 Upvoted by Benedict Hales, former Crew at McDonald's I worked at McDonald's for a few years and I remember getting a call for 100 McDoubles (1$ each), 100 small fries (1$ each) and 50 McChickens (1$ each). The whole order after tax came out to around 300$. My manager believed it was a prank call and told them that they would have to come in and pay before any food was made and it would take an hour to make since we were in the middle of a lunch rush Fifteen minutes later two guys show up You and Sanjay Vijaykumar upvoted this 47:17 y manager tax came out to aroun believed it was a prank call and told them that they would have to come in and pay before any food was made and it would take an hour to make since we were in the middle of a lunch rush Fifteen minutes later two guys show up claiming that they want to pay for the order and that they would come back to pick it up. Needless to say, the grill people were overwhelmed but were able to bust out all the sandwiches with help from other crew members. After they came back, a co-worker had to ask them what this all was for. The guys claimed that they were going to pass them out to homeless people around downtown San Diego. I was moved and have not forgotten about it since. 23.1k Views View Upvoters View Sharers You and Sanjay Vijaykumar upvoted this This really took some turn

This really took some turn

Anaconda, Food, and Homeless: 4G7:17 What is the most money you have seen someone spend at McDonald's? Elysia Marie, Staff Researcher R Updated Nov 8 Upvoted by Benedict Hales, former Crew at McDonald's I worked at McDonald's for a few years and I remember getting a call for 100 McDoubles (1$ each), 100 small fries (1$ each) and 50 McChickens (1$ each). The whole order after tax came out to around 300$. My manager believed it was a prank call and told them that they would have to come in and pay before any food was made and it would take an hour to make since we were in the middle of a lunch rush Fifteen minutes later two guys show up You and Sanjay Vijaykumar upvoted this 47:17 y manager tax came out to aroun believed it was a prank call and told them that they would have to come in and pay before any food was made and it would take an hour to make since we were in the middle of a lunch rush Fifteen minutes later two guys show up claiming that they want to pay for the order and that they would come back to pick it up. Needless to say, the grill people were overwhelmed but were able to bust out all the sandwiches with help from other crew members. After they came back, a co-worker had to ask them what this all was for. The guys claimed that they were going to pass them out to homeless people around downtown San Diego. I was moved and have not forgotten about it since. 23.1k Views View Upvoters View Sharers You and Sanjay Vijaykumar upvoted this This really took some turn via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2Aje2Vv

This really took some turn via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2Aje2Vv

9gag, Bad, and Club: ASA LONGTIMEMEMBER TD LIKE TO SHARE A FEW COMMEN/UNCOMMEN KNOWN AND WIERD FACTS/OLD RULES IN 9GAG 1.THE NAME "OGAG ORIGINATED FROM THE TIME WHEN EACH PAGE ONLY HAD9 POSTIGAGSL INSTEAD OF UNLIMİTED SCROLLING. 2. FRESH AND TRENDING WAS NAMED VOTE. WHEN THE "GIRLS SECTION ARRIVED IT QUICKLY BECAMEA GIF PORN SECTION. 3. LONG POST WAS HATED AND THE COMMUNITY ALWAYS DEMAND印A POTATO PICTURE AND THETEXT "SORRY FOR THE LONG POST AT THE BOTTOM OFTHE POSI OTHERWISE PEOPLE WOULD SPAM TLDR" ITOO LONG, DIDNT READT IT USED TO BE ALMOST IMPOSSBLE TO REACH HOT WITH A REPOSTAS THE COMMUNITY WAS SMALL PEOPLE WOULD SPAM REEEEEEPOST IM COMMENTS AND REPORT THE POST 5. THE REASON WHY VETERANS 9GAGGERS ARE COMPLAINING ABOUT THE PRESENT 9GAG, IS BECAUSE IT USED TO BEA REALLY SMALL, WIERD AND NERDY COMMUNITY. AS IT GREW, THE POSTS AND TMEMES CHANGED INTO WHAT IT IS TODAY I STILL HERE THO. 6. THERE USED TO BEA "DARK COMMUNITY IN 9GAG, POSTING DISGUSTING POSTS LIKE ILLIGAL PORN, GOREAND MORE ITS GONE NOW,I THINK 1. BACK IN THE DAY ALL THE POSTS IN FUNF[NOW HOTI USED TO RAGECOMIC AND MEMES 8.AN USER ONCE MADE A SUMMARY POST ABOUT THE APPARENCE OF MEMES. HE COUNTED SEVERAL THOUSAND OF POSTS TO ANALYZEIT AND GIVE APPARENCE % SICK SHT DUDE 9. THERE ARE SEVERAL FAMOUS 9GAGGER ACCOUNTS. THERE WAS EVEN A 9GAGGER A FEW YEARS AGO GIVING FREE KEBAB TO 9GAG USERS. HE MADE A FORTUNE ON IT SORRY FOR THE LONG POST. HERE IS YOUR POTATO AND I'M VERY SORRY FOR THE BAD ENGLISH ITS MY THIRD LANGUAGE laughoutloud-club: Old school rules and sayings. Sorry for bad english

laughoutloud-club: Old school rules and sayings. Sorry for bad english

Clothes, Drinking, and Friends: maura quint @behindyourback maura quint@behindyourback 13h v One time a guy and I had flirted, he invited me to his room, I went we kissed, I said I liked it, he took off his clothes, I touched him, he tried to take off my clothes, I resisted, he said "seems like you're not into this" I said, ehhh, he said, no, it's only fun if you want it I want to tell a story: Once in high school, I felt insecure, I put on a tight top too low cut and dark lip stick I didn't usually wear. I went to a party drank terrible wine coolers, too many of them. A man asked me if I wanted to leave, I slurred, said maybe, He said "mavbe"? 7:33 PM-28 Sep 18 459 8,068 maura quint@behindyourback 13h v I said, l'm sorry, he said it's ok. I left unmolested. I was lucky, I hadn't met a rapist that night. 419 8,872 maura quint@behindyourback 13h And then he said "maybe isn't yes" and I went home that night, un-assaulted, because l hadn't talked to a rapist at that party 15t745 13.2K maura quint@behindyourback 13h v l've been assaulted. I've also been not assaulted. The difference didn't seem to be what I was wearing, how flirty I was, how much I was drinking. The only difference seemed to be whether or not the men felt it was ok or not to assault. maura quint@behindyourback 13h v Another story:I went out drinking with girl friends at a bar a few years later. I was flirting with a guy there, he grabbed my hand, pulled me outside, into an alley, he kissed me hard and then looked at me and said, "yes?" I didn't say anything. 274 6,408 43.9K 4 394 6,368 0 maura quint@behindyourback 13h v He said "go back inside then," maybe he was annoyed but he meant it, I went back inside. There wasn't a rapist at that bar. t 435 9,323 awesomacious: The real nice guys

awesomacious: The real nice guys

Food, Homeless, and Life: major impact in the food world CAN www.ma man-cans.com 8BQ pit www.man-cans.com Pizza :HART MAIN Hart Main, 17, was so fed up with his sister's flowery candles a few years ago that he decided to make his own. He created ManCans: candles with rugged smells (like campfire or coffee) that come in soup cans. To collect the cans, Hart buys soup and donates the contents : to homeless shelters. He sells his candles online, and to date he has provided 80,000 meals to soup kitchens in four ee more ing culinary n Rachael vs. ids Cook-off, emiering gust I7 at states. man-cans.com MIKAILA ULMER reinwulf: renegadebusiness: angryisokay: c-a-bergamot: Deleting all comments because only in this site you will find people throwing shit at a 17 year old boy who has voluntarily fed 80'000 people by starting his own business because he has a very particular idea lf masculinity which happens to threat only people with paper feelings. His business has a line of ‘SheCans’ with names like ‘Unstoppable’, ‘Awesome’, ‘Fearless’ and ‘Beautiful’. Anyone who is bitter about this kid’s business needs to step back and reevaluate their life. ^^Reblogging again because of that comment also this article is misleading. there is nothing on the site that says the lad was “sick of his sister’s flowery candles” he got the idea from his sister who was selling them for a school fundraiser and wanted more scents that appealed to him, as the overwhelming majority of scented candles are marketed towards women.

reinwulf: renegadebusiness: angryisokay: c-a-bergamot: Deleting all comments because only in this site you will find people throwing sh...

Children, Community, and Crime: Local Hero Arrested After Killing 30 Pedophiles In Murder Spree Sean Adl-Tabatabai 3 days ago "I've been killing pedos for, damn, close to 15 years now," "It started a few years back, after a girl I was dating was raped and murdered." "I tracked the guy down myself, slit his throat." "I realized I had a real knack for it after that, so I kept going." nunyabizni: eeveelutionsforequality: paradisemantis: jack-o-fficial: paradisemantis: blacklivezmatter: the-map-community-is-dangerous: whyyoustabbedme: free him he’s doing better than American Justice system The hero we’ve literally always asked for. Been killing for 15 years but it started a few years back. I approve though Murder is a fucking HUGE nope Molesting children is a bigger one though, lmao. Kill the fuckers that do that. Though I do kinda worry about how many people may have been actual false-accused victims. No person has the right to go beyond the reaches of the law, especially to such a disgustingly excessive extent, regardless of how morally justified they feel in doing so and any suggestions to the contrary are ill-informed at best and dangerously destructive at worst. The law and legal system exist to met out punishment, you don’t have the right and you shouldn’t.Innocent people are just one example of problems that arise when you decide to take matters into your own hands by fucking murdering people you don’t like. I cannot believe I have to actually type and explain this to people, even a single person thinking like this is too many. The title should say “Vigilante Serial Killer Arrested After Killing 30 Alleged Pedophiles” not “Hero”. We don’t deal with crime with mob rule and guilty (especially to the point of sentencing to death) until proven innocent. We don’t want a society where your vengeful shitty ex can lie and tell a person that you’re a pedo and have you brutally slaughtered. ~ Vape If y’all want to have a moral discussion as to if he was right or not, he wasn’t, that’s fine.  This story is as fake as shit though.  Seriously this guy would have been all over the news if this happened.https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/vigilante-arrested-killing-30-pedophiles/There was no truth to this story, which originated with (and was solely reported by) Empire News, a fake news web site whose disclaimer identifies its contents as “entertainment”: Empire News is intended for entertainment purposes only. Our website and social media content uses only fictional names, except in cases of public figure and celebrity parody or satirization. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental.

nunyabizni: eeveelutionsforequality: paradisemantis: jack-o-fficial: paradisemantis: blacklivezmatter: the-map-community-is-dangerous...

Clothes, Drinking, and Friends: maura quint @behindyourback maura quint@behindyourback 13h v One time a guy and I had flirted, he invited me to his room, I went we kissed, I said I liked it, he took off his clothes, I touched him, he tried to take off my clothes, I resisted, he said "seems like you're not into this" I said, ehhh, he said, no, it's only fun if you want it I want to tell a story: Once in high school, I felt insecure, I put on a tight top too low cut and dark lip stick I didn't usually wear. I went to a party drank terrible wine coolers, too many of them. A man asked me if I wanted to leave, I slurred, said maybe, He said "mavbe"? 7:33 PM-28 Sep 18 459 8,068 maura quint@behindyourback 13h v I said, l'm sorry, he said it's ok. I left unmolested. I was lucky, I hadn't met a rapist that night. 419 8,872 maura quint@behindyourback 13h And then he said "maybe isn't yes" and I went home that night, un-assaulted, because l hadn't talked to a rapist at that party 15t745 13.2K maura quint@behindyourback 13h v l've been assaulted. I've also been not assaulted. The difference didn't seem to be what I was wearing, how flirty I was, how much I was drinking. The only difference seemed to be whether or not the men felt it was ok or not to assault. maura quint@behindyourback 13h v Another story:I went out drinking with girl friends at a bar a few years later. I was flirting with a guy there, he grabbed my hand, pulled me outside, into an alley, he kissed me hard and then looked at me and said, "yes?" I didn't say anything. 274 6,408 43.9K 4 394 6,368 0 maura quint@behindyourback 13h v He said "go back inside then," maybe he was annoyed but he meant it, I went back inside. There wasn't a rapist at that bar. t 435 9,323 The real nice guys

The real nice guys

Anna, Ariel, and Ass: WWw.missho1IS-P misshollyslair: *** Please support me by buying me a Ko-fi ! Tips help me make art for pure enjoyment like this piece :) Plus you’ll get a little something by mail if you tip me 3 Ko-fis or more ! https://ko-fi.com/missholly ***This is my remake of Winterhalter’s painting of Empress Eugenie and her ladies in waiting. If you’ve followed me for quite some time, you’ll remember I made a first version of this painting a few years ago, in 2013 to be precise, which I still like a lot (https://www.deviantart.com/hollybell/art/Princess-Tea-Party-417118671). It was already a bit ambitious for me at the time, and you’ll notice I took quite some shortcuts here and there, especially with the background. Because of that, and because I never got around to take part in the improvement meme that circulated a while ago, I decided to make a new updated version ! I had been wanting to do it for a long time, and recent events made it possible for me to set aside enough time to make it happen.You’ll notice I changed the princesses who appear in the image. There’s no particular reason behind it, but if I had to give one I’d say it’s just to suit my current taste better :) For instance, I can’t remember why I picked Snow White at the time, because she’s not one of my favs. My favorite princesses are Belle and Ariel, so they stay in the front spots :) I also love Giselle, and I have sweet spots for Moana and Rapunzel. Except this time I gave her her long hair for a change. Tiana kicks ass so I really wanted her to stay too, and I also adore Mulan so she just HAD to be there. The two women in the bottom right corner in Winterhalter’s painting seem to have a closer relationship, and it just seemed that it would be perfect for sisters. I hesitated because there are other girls I like way more than Anna and Elsa but it seemed more consistent that way. And bonus point, an excuse to add glitter ! \o/A couple of questions I get often :« Why is [insert other princess] not here ? »Well, if you look at Winterhalter’s painting, you’ll notice there are only 9 women, and so I had to stick to that. So yeah, obviously that’s not enough room to draw everyone. I picked the princesses I liked best or wanted to draw at that point, but feel free to make your own version with the ones you like !« Why so much watermark ? It ruins the piece ! »Because I’m really done with my stuff being stolen, cropped and savagely reposted on pages with no credit. Artists make art for everybody to enjoy, the least one can do is respect their hard work and always credit. Credit is vital to us because it gets us out there and enables clients to find us. DON’T REPOST WITHOUT PROPER CREDIT (name and link), AND DON’T CROP. Please and thank you.

misshollyslair: *** Please support me by buying me a Ko-fi ! Tips help me make art for pure enjoyment like this piece :) Plus you’ll get a ...

Af, Asian, and Aww: Anonymous 04/23/18 (Mon)22:57:12 No.766778676 Hey /b/romosexuals, story time > Be me, 17 year old 7/10 male Have an objectively 6, subjectively 8/10 asian gf who loves me 182 KB JPG Major trust issues from a relationship that went bad a while ago relationship friends since 13 Clingy af, probably still a result of that last We've known each other since we were 12, been Tell her I love her evervdav Despite her always replying that she loves me to, start doubting that Gf tells me after a lot of thinking, she's asexual Ohshitlmaydieavirgin Suddenly text my ex spontaneously, find out she's single Lie and say I'm single She asks to meet up for a coffee at Tims (I'm a Leaf) > I decide to go because I'm pissed at my gf Continue? Alright then go to the meet up with ex s my ex is just as beautiful as ever. She has shorter hair and small tits but thats sorta my thing She got me a coffee alread >It was the same type of coffee I drank when was with her on our first date (Double double) >She smiles, it looks cute on her > I ask her whats up, and she mentions my clearly visible erection I sat down faster than I lost my erection s We make small talk for a bit, we instantly have a spark > I havent felt this spark for a few years Eventually she says what both of us have been thinking "We should get back together." Idk what to say. Can't tell her I lied about being single at this point, but I also like her a lot more than my gf > Decide to keep it going "Sure, but I don't have a lot of free time with work. > I just lost my job > I give her the address to the apartment I'm in, which I don't actually pay for. My best bud does Invite her over one time She says "Why not tonight?" My gf hasn't text me and doesnt have a key, and my buddy is out of townm Sure, what could go wrong? Almost done the story /b/ois, cont.? > Take her back to the apartment > Time is a bit late. Ask her what she wants to do She immediately gives me a smile that could only mean one of two things, sex or something sexual > Before I can say anything she notices a picture have of me and my girlfriend on top of the shelf >"Who's this?" > I panic > My sister >She gets confused. My sister is asian? > "You never told me you had a sister, anon, andI met your family > Ohshit.jpg > I make up a story on the spot about my parents splitting and my dad remarrying. She's my stepsister. We broke up over a year ago. My parents fought once in front of her. Not too far fetched "Aww, anon. I'm so sorry." She says, basically jumping into my arms after putting the photo down Haven't even blown a load in at least a week >Boner is visible >She goes for it. I had forgotten that one of the main reasons we broke up was her sex drive and mine not matching up >Suddenly remember second was that she was a crazy bitch towards me sometimes > I just go with it and hope that I wont remember this in a month Best sex I ever had. (I bagged up tho. No worries sWe fall asleep in eachothers arms on my roommates bed crazv bitch towards me sometimes >I just go with it and hope that I wont remember this in a month Best sex I ever had. (I bagged up tho. No worries s We fall asleep in eachothers arms on my roommates bed Wake up to a banging on the door Groggily get up to find my ex making breakfast and my best friends gf at the door Wtf I yell through the door at her "What do you want?" (My best bud) left something and needed her to bring it to him > I open the door cautiously She sees my ex, and me half naked. She ofo knows about my af She asks to talk to me in private Takes me to the bedroom, locks the door and quietly asks me "Are you cheating or did you break I don't lie to her >She gets frustrated with me and leaves without my buds thing he needed "What was that?" My ex asks Now T don't remember exactly what I said at this point because I was scared shitless. My buds gf was for sure gonna tell mine and now things were gonna tumble down Cont? > "What was that anon?" >Ex js getting visibly annoyed and worried > She looks back at the photo of me and my "sister I look down at the floor My ex suddenly pieces something together right then and there >"ls she vour girlfriend?" > I fucking crumble and admit everything >She's surprisingly understanding, but just as understandably upset > ''You should call her No >"I need you to do this for me" I do > I explain the whole thing to her, sparing the sexual details > She sounds pretty heartbroken I try to console her but it doesnt work as well as l would have hoped She hangs up on me I'm in a puddle of tears sitting next to the first girl | ever loved > She hugs me awkwardly one last time > "I need one more thing from you > I look at her and wipe away some tears. "What?" > She smiles at me warmly and says "I need about tree fiddy I suddenly realised what I should have long ago My ex was about 8 stories tall and was a crustacean from the paleozoic era The god damn loch ness monster had tricked me again Anon is conflicted

Anon is conflicted