🔥 Popular | Latest

advice-animal: How to Fuck your Dragon: the biggest lie, i think, the intemet perpetuates about D&D is that a skinny ittle twink of a bard just needs to roll a nat 20 to seduce a dragon ike a dragon...a creature with more wealth and power than any other creature on the planet..a creature who is easily an 11/10 when they deign to take humanoid formwould look at your skinny little 8 STR half-elf Bard whose own father doesn't even love them and go...yeah I'd like to fuck that Counterpoint, my good man: Bragonsuck Dragons fuck, clearly, but not just any joe blow schmoe with a big Charisma stat. If I'm Joseph J Dragon sitting on a small hill of gold and jewels I'm not gonna waste my time boning every monsterfucking tiefling twink with a lyre. I would have standards. dragons are SUPER horny counterpoint: even if dragons are SUPER horny they've got better prospects than spindly little bards!lll They could be off fucking cloud giants or beholders or planetars!!ll They could be having sex with kraken in the middle of the ocean or fire giants in the mouth of an erupting There is a wealth of sexual excess and opportunity available to dragons, so much that they do not need to be slumming it with an adventurer who hasn't washed his ass in a month and a half and is probably covered in kobold blood by the time they get to the dragon's lairl I don't care how many times you cast Charm Monster, the Elder Dragon who has probably slept with more princesses than there are princedoms is not going to bitel When you have bedded the most beautiful mortals on the Prime Material Plane on a pile of gold and jewelry you are not gonna be looking twice at any MOTHERFUCKEr who can't at least True Polymorph to make things interesting you're right but please shut up you are actively ruining my 10 strength half-elf twink bard's sexual prospects with this post OP is right and they should say it Dragon Bf Giont Gnol Gobin Haiting Koboid Spite As we can see from this most excellent chart, dragons can and will fuck anything. Even humans do not compare. The only species that can match dragons for homy-ness is, in fact, nymphs. Therefore your twinky-ass lil bard has as good a chance as anyone. Go forth and thot your way through your DM's carefully planned Big Bad encounter and fuck the dragon. I'm not even sure where I stand on this argument but I absolutely need to keep that chart for reference, so That chart is not proof that a dragon would fuck anything and youre a charlatan for pretending it does!!! That is a crossbreeding chart not a horny chart, and it says right on it that what it is tracking is the likelyhood that a union between two races would yield offspring. It is NOT saying that a dragon WILL fuck any of those creatures, just that doing so would result in a half-dragon child If anything this just proves siderealsandman's point the dragon could have any creature or being under the sun so why the fuck would it ever settle for a shitty PC and their+1 light leather amor. What's the bard gonna say?? You should fuck me because you techically can?? That bitch getting sauteed OP IS CORRECT SORRY BUT THE TWINK BARD ISNT GETTING ANY DRAGON ASS a dragon fucked a donkey in shrek, your argument is invalid Don't bring shrek into this OH YEAH?? YOU WANNA DO THIS?? FINE CLASS TRAITS OF A BARD 1) Your spells inspire and invigorate your allies-Donkey's role in the film was to inspire and invigorate Shrek to begin his hero's quest and keep him on his path 2) You channel magical power through words and music Doney never stopped talking or singing. That was his THING 3) Key abilities: Charisma, Intelligence, Constitution- Do we even need to question this?? Charisma - he managed to convince a dragon to fuck him He gave both Fiona and Shrek the pep-talk they needed to come to terms with their feelings. Intelligence-He's COLOR BLIND and stl managed to figure out the flowers Fiona asked for. Constitution-dude you saw the shit he managed to survive in that movie CONCLUSION-SHREK IS A DND CAMPAIGN, DONKEY IS A BARD THAT SEDUCED THE DRAGON. NEVER QUESTION ME IN MY HOUSE AGAIN advice-animal: How to Fuck your Dragon
Save
How to Fuck your Dragon: the biggest lie, i think, the intemet perpetuates about D&D is that a skinny ittle twink of a bard just needs to roll a nat 20 to seduce a dragon ike a dragon...a creature with more wealth and power than any other creature on the planet..a creature who is easily an 11/10 when they deign to take humanoid formwould look at your skinny little 8 STR half-elf Bard whose own father doesn't even love them and go...yeah I'd like to fuck that Counterpoint, my good man: Bragonsuck Dragons fuck, clearly, but not just any joe blow schmoe with a big Charisma stat. If I'm Joseph J Dragon sitting on a small hill of gold and jewels I'm not gonna waste my time boning every monsterfucking tiefling twink with a lyre. I would have standards. dragons are SUPER horny counterpoint: even if dragons are SUPER horny they've got better prospects than spindly little bards!lll They could be off fucking cloud giants or beholders or planetars!!ll They could be having sex with kraken in the middle of the ocean or fire giants in the mouth of an erupting There is a wealth of sexual excess and opportunity available to dragons, so much that they do not need to be slumming it with an adventurer who hasn't washed his ass in a month and a half and is probably covered in kobold blood by the time they get to the dragon's lairl I don't care how many times you cast Charm Monster, the Elder Dragon who has probably slept with more princesses than there are princedoms is not going to bitel When you have bedded the most beautiful mortals on the Prime Material Plane on a pile of gold and jewelry you are not gonna be looking twice at any MOTHERFUCKEr who can't at least True Polymorph to make things interesting you're right but please shut up you are actively ruining my 10 strength half-elf twink bard's sexual prospects with this post OP is right and they should say it Dragon Bf Giont Gnol Gobin Haiting Koboid Spite As we can see from this most excellent chart, dragons can and will fuck anything. Even humans do not compare. The only species that can match dragons for homy-ness is, in fact, nymphs. Therefore your twinky-ass lil bard has as good a chance as anyone. Go forth and thot your way through your DM's carefully planned Big Bad encounter and fuck the dragon. I'm not even sure where I stand on this argument but I absolutely need to keep that chart for reference, so That chart is not proof that a dragon would fuck anything and youre a charlatan for pretending it does!!! That is a crossbreeding chart not a horny chart, and it says right on it that what it is tracking is the likelyhood that a union between two races would yield offspring. It is NOT saying that a dragon WILL fuck any of those creatures, just that doing so would result in a half-dragon child If anything this just proves siderealsandman's point the dragon could have any creature or being under the sun so why the fuck would it ever settle for a shitty PC and their+1 light leather amor. What's the bard gonna say?? You should fuck me because you techically can?? That bitch getting sauteed OP IS CORRECT SORRY BUT THE TWINK BARD ISNT GETTING ANY DRAGON ASS a dragon fucked a donkey in shrek, your argument is invalid Don't bring shrek into this OH YEAH?? YOU WANNA DO THIS?? FINE CLASS TRAITS OF A BARD 1) Your spells inspire and invigorate your allies-Donkey's role in the film was to inspire and invigorate Shrek to begin his hero's quest and keep him on his path 2) You channel magical power through words and music Doney never stopped talking or singing. That was his THING 3) Key abilities: Charisma, Intelligence, Constitution- Do we even need to question this?? Charisma - he managed to convince a dragon to fuck him He gave both Fiona and Shrek the pep-talk they needed to come to terms with their feelings. Intelligence-He's COLOR BLIND and stl managed to figure out the flowers Fiona asked for. Constitution-dude you saw the shit he managed to survive in that movie CONCLUSION-SHREK IS A DND CAMPAIGN, DONKEY IS A BARD THAT SEDUCED THE DRAGON. NEVER QUESTION ME IN MY HOUSE AGAIN How to Fuck your Dragon
Save
aydenisabadkid: airdramon: awenyddogamulosx: ruthlesswoodcarver: mothensidhe: fatfury: omgxchrissy: cumleak: deux-zero-deux: demands-with-menace: Queen Hatshepsut of Ancient Egypt. She has a lovely smile for someone who’s been dead for thousands of years. she wasn’t a queen. she was a pharaoh and wanted to be referred to as such. she even had her statues modeled after the male pharaoh’s statues to state her dominance and authority. she was actually one of the most successful pharaohs in all of ancient egyptian history and she reigned longer than any other woman in power in egypt. damn no wonder she died and smiled for a trillion years afterwards The fact that we know about her is marvelous. the next Pharaoh after her Tuthmosis III  tried to erase Hatshepsut out of history ,chiseled her name off her monuments ,covered the text on her obelisks with stone,knocked down and defaced her statues . she was even left off the list of pharaohs ..talk about some patriarchy bullshit her name was lost for a couple of millennia, her body was found in a unmarked grave  in early twentieth century sad part is in Egyptian belief is  if your are forgotten in the living world you don’t exist in the afterlife,so he was trying to kill her even in death  My best friend throwing down some herstory. A+ commentary She wore a fake beard, you guys.She was the fucking boss. If we remember her now does that save her from an awful afterlife? I’m just picturing the Kemetic afterlife. All the Pharaohs are hanging out in some kind of swanky club, drinking and congratulating each other on being bros.  The doors slam open and Hatshepsut strides in, glorious, robes swirling, rocking the fake beard and the insane amounts of wealth and power. “Miss me, bitches?”  Then she punches Tuthmosis III straight in the dick. Reblog so Hatshepsut can dick punch tuthmosis in the afterlife. : aydenisabadkid: airdramon: awenyddogamulosx: ruthlesswoodcarver: mothensidhe: fatfury: omgxchrissy: cumleak: deux-zero-deux: demands-with-menace: Queen Hatshepsut of Ancient Egypt. She has a lovely smile for someone who’s been dead for thousands of years. she wasn’t a queen. she was a pharaoh and wanted to be referred to as such. she even had her statues modeled after the male pharaoh’s statues to state her dominance and authority. she was actually one of the most successful pharaohs in all of ancient egyptian history and she reigned longer than any other woman in power in egypt. damn no wonder she died and smiled for a trillion years afterwards The fact that we know about her is marvelous. the next Pharaoh after her Tuthmosis III  tried to erase Hatshepsut out of history ,chiseled her name off her monuments ,covered the text on her obelisks with stone,knocked down and defaced her statues . she was even left off the list of pharaohs ..talk about some patriarchy bullshit her name was lost for a couple of millennia, her body was found in a unmarked grave  in early twentieth century sad part is in Egyptian belief is  if your are forgotten in the living world you don’t exist in the afterlife,so he was trying to kill her even in death  My best friend throwing down some herstory. A+ commentary She wore a fake beard, you guys.She was the fucking boss. If we remember her now does that save her from an awful afterlife? I’m just picturing the Kemetic afterlife. All the Pharaohs are hanging out in some kind of swanky club, drinking and congratulating each other on being bros.  The doors slam open and Hatshepsut strides in, glorious, robes swirling, rocking the fake beard and the insane amounts of wealth and power. “Miss me, bitches?”  Then she punches Tuthmosis III straight in the dick. Reblog so Hatshepsut can dick punch tuthmosis in the afterlife.
Save
aydenisabadkid: airdramon: awenyddogamulosx: ruthlesswoodcarver: mothensidhe: fatfury: omgxchrissy: cumleak: deux-zero-deux: demands-with-menace: Queen Hatshepsut of Ancient Egypt. She has a lovely smile for someone who’s been dead for thousands of years. she wasn’t a queen. she was a pharaoh and wanted to be referred to as such. she even had her statues modeled after the male pharaoh’s statues to state her dominance and authority. she was actually one of the most successful pharaohs in all of ancient egyptian history and she reigned longer than any other woman in power in egypt. damn no wonder she died and smiled for a trillion years afterwards The fact that we know about her is marvelous. the next Pharaoh after her Tuthmosis III  tried to erase Hatshepsut out of history ,chiseled her name off her monuments ,covered the text on her obelisks with stone,knocked down and defaced her statues . she was even left off the list of pharaohs ..talk about some patriarchy bullshit her name was lost for a couple of millennia, her body was found in a unmarked grave  in early twentieth century sad part is in Egyptian belief is  if your are forgotten in the living world you don’t exist in the afterlife,so he was trying to kill her even in death  My best friend throwing down some herstory. A+ commentary She wore a fake beard, you guys.She was the fucking boss. If we remember her now does that save her from an awful afterlife? I’m just picturing the Kemetic afterlife. All the Pharaohs are hanging out in some kind of swanky club, drinking and congratulating each other on being bros.  The doors slam open and Hatshepsut strides in, glorious, robes swirling, rocking the fake beard and the insane amounts of wealth and power. “Miss me, bitches?”  Then she punches Tuthmosis III straight in the dick. Reblog so Hatshepsut can dick punch tuthmosis in the afterlife. : aydenisabadkid: airdramon: awenyddogamulosx: ruthlesswoodcarver: mothensidhe: fatfury: omgxchrissy: cumleak: deux-zero-deux: demands-with-menace: Queen Hatshepsut of Ancient Egypt. She has a lovely smile for someone who’s been dead for thousands of years. she wasn’t a queen. she was a pharaoh and wanted to be referred to as such. she even had her statues modeled after the male pharaoh’s statues to state her dominance and authority. she was actually one of the most successful pharaohs in all of ancient egyptian history and she reigned longer than any other woman in power in egypt. damn no wonder she died and smiled for a trillion years afterwards The fact that we know about her is marvelous. the next Pharaoh after her Tuthmosis III  tried to erase Hatshepsut out of history ,chiseled her name off her monuments ,covered the text on her obelisks with stone,knocked down and defaced her statues . she was even left off the list of pharaohs ..talk about some patriarchy bullshit her name was lost for a couple of millennia, her body was found in a unmarked grave  in early twentieth century sad part is in Egyptian belief is  if your are forgotten in the living world you don’t exist in the afterlife,so he was trying to kill her even in death  My best friend throwing down some herstory. A+ commentary She wore a fake beard, you guys.She was the fucking boss. If we remember her now does that save her from an awful afterlife? I’m just picturing the Kemetic afterlife. All the Pharaohs are hanging out in some kind of swanky club, drinking and congratulating each other on being bros.  The doors slam open and Hatshepsut strides in, glorious, robes swirling, rocking the fake beard and the insane amounts of wealth and power. “Miss me, bitches?”  Then she punches Tuthmosis III straight in the dick. Reblog so Hatshepsut can dick punch tuthmosis in the afterlife.
Save
mikkeneko: wadafuqreally: airyairyquitecontrary: spoopysalt: whisperoceans: this is fantastic now children in Puerto Rico wont be able to receive the education they deserve thanks to their messed up government Its even worse than that. I’m living through it. Not only are schools closing, hospitals are collapsing. Only around 9% of the island has electricity and it comes and goes at times. People are dying in hospitals because of lack of diesel for the generators, a lot of the water is now infected, there are disease outbreaks and scareceness of food. I am safe, but many are not. Some have water, others don’t. We need help. Sending money would be helpful but what would help even more would be sending water filters, filtering water bottles, food, medicine, if somehow possible diesel. All of you reblogging this news helps, but what we need is physical help. If you can’t, then spread the word, but God if you can send supplies… Please… PLEASE do. We are dying. Help us, help us save ourselves. Help us save our people. Help us save out ISLAND. If you’re not in a position to ship or transport useful items to the island (which is sure as heck the case for me in New Zealand) then the best thing you can do is give money to a reputable relief organisation operating in the area. Hispanic Federation UNIDOS fundraising page for Puerto Rico. Choose the fundraiser you want from the dropdown menu in the “Your Information” section (as you can see from the picture they have several). Save the Children’s Hurricane Maria fundraising page. Reblogging You know, every time Puerto Rico comes up I’m reminded of a comment my dad made in a discussion about it, in response to someone claiming that the PR situation is terrible but oh well, what can we do? They’re SO far away after all and the logistic problems are SO hard. He said, “When the Soviets blockaded the city of Berlin in 1948, America flew in to West Berlin enough supplies to keep the city going by airdrop for over a year. Puerto Rico today isn’t much bigger than Berlin was then, and America has grown immensely in wealth and power since that day. The problem isn’t lack of resources, it’s lack of will.” Nothing about what’s happening to Puerto Rico (and still happening) is inevitable in any way. This is deliberate. Don’t forget it. : A Los Angeles Times Times latimes Puerto Rico is closing 184 public schools amid the territory's economic crisis lat.ms/2q7Kfwr 5/6/17, 9:40 AM SinglePayer @puzzleshifter That's a funny way to spell, "Puerto Rico forced to close 184 public schools so US hedge fund owning politicians can cash in their stocks" The Associated Press Φ @AP Puerto Rico to close 184 public schools in move expected to save millions of dollars amid a deep economic crisis. apne.ws/ 2qljnA8 5/5/17, 10:26 AM mikkeneko: wadafuqreally: airyairyquitecontrary: spoopysalt: whisperoceans: this is fantastic now children in Puerto Rico wont be able to receive the education they deserve thanks to their messed up government Its even worse than that. I’m living through it. Not only are schools closing, hospitals are collapsing. Only around 9% of the island has electricity and it comes and goes at times. People are dying in hospitals because of lack of diesel for the generators, a lot of the water is now infected, there are disease outbreaks and scareceness of food. I am safe, but many are not. Some have water, others don’t. We need help. Sending money would be helpful but what would help even more would be sending water filters, filtering water bottles, food, medicine, if somehow possible diesel. All of you reblogging this news helps, but what we need is physical help. If you can’t, then spread the word, but God if you can send supplies… Please… PLEASE do. We are dying. Help us, help us save ourselves. Help us save our people. Help us save out ISLAND. If you’re not in a position to ship or transport useful items to the island (which is sure as heck the case for me in New Zealand) then the best thing you can do is give money to a reputable relief organisation operating in the area. Hispanic Federation UNIDOS fundraising page for Puerto Rico. Choose the fundraiser you want from the dropdown menu in the “Your Information” section (as you can see from the picture they have several). Save the Children’s Hurricane Maria fundraising page. Reblogging You know, every time Puerto Rico comes up I’m reminded of a comment my dad made in a discussion about it, in response to someone claiming that the PR situation is terrible but oh well, what can we do? They’re SO far away after all and the logistic problems are SO hard. He said, “When the Soviets blockaded the city of Berlin in 1948, America flew in to West Berlin enough supplies to keep the city going by airdrop for over a year. Puerto Rico today isn’t much bigger than Berlin was then, and America has grown immensely in wealth and power since that day. The problem isn’t lack of resources, it’s lack of will.” Nothing about what’s happening to Puerto Rico (and still happening) is inevitable in any way. This is deliberate. Don’t forget it.

mikkeneko: wadafuqreally: airyairyquitecontrary: spoopysalt: whisperoceans: this is fantastic now children in Puerto Rico wont be able...

Save
aydenisabadkid: airdramon: awenyddogamulosx: ruthlesswoodcarver: mothensidhe: fatfury: omgxchrissy: cumleak: deux-zero-deux: demands-with-menace: Queen Hatshepsut of Ancient Egypt. She has a lovely smile for someone who’s been dead for thousands of years. she wasn’t a queen. she was a pharaoh and wanted to be referred to as such. she even had her statues modeled after the male pharaoh’s statues to state her dominance and authority. she was actually one of the most successful pharaohs in all of ancient egyptian history and she reigned longer than any other woman in power in egypt. damn no wonder she died and smiled for a trillion years afterwards The fact that we know about her is marvelous. the next Pharaoh after her Tuthmosis III  tried to erase Hatshepsut out of history ,chiseled her name off her monuments ,covered the text on her obelisks with stone,knocked down and defaced her statues . she was even left off the list of pharaohs ..talk about some patriarchy bullshit her name was lost for a couple of millennia, her body was found in a unmarked grave  in early twentieth century sad part is in Egyptian belief is  if your are forgotten in the living world you don’t exist in the afterlife,so he was trying to kill her even in death  My best friend throwing down some herstory. A+ commentary She wore a fake beard, you guys.She was the fucking boss. If we remember her now does that save her from an awful afterlife? I’m just picturing the Kemetic afterlife. All the Pharaohs are hanging out in some kind of swanky club, drinking and congratulating each other on being bros.  The doors slam open and Hatshepsut strides in, glorious, robes swirling, rocking the fake beard and the insane amounts of wealth and power. “Miss me, bitches?”  Then she punches Tuthmosis III straight in the dick. Reblog so Hatshepsut can dick punch tuthmosis in the afterlife. : aydenisabadkid: airdramon: awenyddogamulosx: ruthlesswoodcarver: mothensidhe: fatfury: omgxchrissy: cumleak: deux-zero-deux: demands-with-menace: Queen Hatshepsut of Ancient Egypt. She has a lovely smile for someone who’s been dead for thousands of years. she wasn’t a queen. she was a pharaoh and wanted to be referred to as such. she even had her statues modeled after the male pharaoh’s statues to state her dominance and authority. she was actually one of the most successful pharaohs in all of ancient egyptian history and she reigned longer than any other woman in power in egypt. damn no wonder she died and smiled for a trillion years afterwards The fact that we know about her is marvelous. the next Pharaoh after her Tuthmosis III  tried to erase Hatshepsut out of history ,chiseled her name off her monuments ,covered the text on her obelisks with stone,knocked down and defaced her statues . she was even left off the list of pharaohs ..talk about some patriarchy bullshit her name was lost for a couple of millennia, her body was found in a unmarked grave  in early twentieth century sad part is in Egyptian belief is  if your are forgotten in the living world you don’t exist in the afterlife,so he was trying to kill her even in death  My best friend throwing down some herstory. A+ commentary She wore a fake beard, you guys.She was the fucking boss. If we remember her now does that save her from an awful afterlife? I’m just picturing the Kemetic afterlife. All the Pharaohs are hanging out in some kind of swanky club, drinking and congratulating each other on being bros.  The doors slam open and Hatshepsut strides in, glorious, robes swirling, rocking the fake beard and the insane amounts of wealth and power. “Miss me, bitches?”  Then she punches Tuthmosis III straight in the dick. Reblog so Hatshepsut can dick punch tuthmosis in the afterlife.
Save
Finally remembered: nicolejones412 Queen Hatshepsut of Ancient Egypt. She has a lovely smile for someone who's been dead for thousands of years. deux-zero-deux she wasn't a queen, she was a pharaoh and wanted to be referred to as such. she even had her statues modeled after the male pharaoh's statues to state her dominance and authority, she was actually one of the most successful pharaohs in all of ancient egyptian history and she reigned longer than any other woman in power in egypt. cumleak damn no wonder she died and smiled for a trillion years afterwards omguchrissy The fact that we know about her is marvelous. the next Pharaoh after her Tuthmosis Ill tried to erase Hatshepsut out of history,chiseled her name off her monuments,covered the text on her obelisks with stone,knocked down and defaced her statues she was even left off the list of pharaohs..talk about some patriarchy her name was lost for a couple of millennia, her body was found in a unmarked grave in early twentieth century sad part is in Egyptian belief is if your are forgotten in the living world you don't exist in the afterlife,so he was trying to kill her even in death fatfury My best friend throwing down some herstory. A+ commentary mothensidhe She wore a fake beard, you guys. She was the fucking boss. If we remember her now does that save her from an awful afterlife? I'm just picturing the Kemetic afterlife. All the Pharaohs are hanging out in some kind of swanky club, drinking and congratulating each other on being bros. The doors slam open and Hatshepsut strides in, glorious, robes swirling, rocking the fake beard and the insane amounts of wealth and power ine sau d power Miss me, bitches? Then she punches Tuthmosis IlI straight in the dick. Source: xxerlflynn 482,180 notes D 画 Finally remembered
Save
Hatshepsut: nicolejones412 demands-with-menace Queen Hatshepsut of Ancient Egypt. She has a lovely smile for someone who's been dead for thousands of years. deux-zero-deux she wasn't a queen. she was a pharaoh and wanted to be referred to as such. she even had her statues modeled after the male pharaoh's statues to state her dominance and authority. she was actually one of the most successful pharaohs in all of ancient egyptian history and she reigned longer than any other woman in power in egypt. and she any other woman in power cumleak damn no wonder she died and smiled for a trillion years afterwards omguchrissy The fact that we know about her is marvelous the next Pharaoh after her Tuthmosis III tried to erase Hatshepsut out of history,chiseled her name off her monuments,covered the text on her obelisks with stone,knocked down and defaced her statues she was even left off the list of pharaohs..talk about some patriarchy bullshit her name was lost for a couple of millennia, her body was found in a unmarked grave in early twentieth century sad part is in Egyptian belief is if your are forgotten in the living world you don't exist in the afterlife,so he was trying to kill her even in death fatfury My best friend throwing down some herstory. A+ commentary mothensidhe She wore a fake beard, you guys. She was the fucking boss. If we remember her now does that save her from an awful afterlife? I'm just picturing the Kemetic afterlife. All the Pharaohs are hanging out in some kind of swanky club, drinking and congratulating each other on being bros. The doors slam open and Hatshepsut strides in, glorious, robes swirling, rocking the fake beard and the insane amounts of wealth and power Miss me, bitches?" Then she punches Tuthmosis แเ straight in the dick. Source:xxerlflynn 482,180 notes 画ノ Hatshepsut
Save
too lazy to read sorry. hope it's good: the average gatsby alright you guys have posted some pretty bad jokes on here but not one comes close to this doozy brace yourselves so there's a far-off place that consists of a perfectly triangular lake surrounded by land, with three kingdoms on the three sides of the lake the first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people, the second kingdom is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power too. the third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army the kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it's a valuable resource to have, the first kingdom sends 100 of their finest knights, clad in the best armor and each with their own personal squire. the second kingdom sends 50 of their knights, with fine leather armor and a few dozen squires of their own, the third kingdom sends their one and only knight, an elderly warrior who has long since passed his prime, with his own personal squire. the night before the big battle, the Knights in the first kingdom drnk and make merry, partying into the late hours of the night the knights in the second kingdom aren't as well off, but have their own supply of grog and also drink late into the night in the third camp, the faithful squire gets a rope and slings it over the branch of a tall tree, making a noose, and hangs a pot from it he fills the pot with stew and has a humble dinner with the old knight. the next morning, the knights in the first two kingdoms are hung over and unable to fight, while the knight in the third kingdom is old and weary, unable to get up, in place of the knights. the squires from all three kingdoms go and fight the battle lasts long into the night, but by the time the dust settled, only one squire was left standing -the squire from the third kingdom and it just goes to show you that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides What have we become How dare you make me read that too lazy to read sorry. hope it's good

too lazy to read sorry. hope it's good

Save
Read this and then comment 😵 when you get it: the average gatsb alright you guys have posted some pretty bad jokes on here but not one comes close to this doozy brace yourselves so there's a far-off place that consists of a perfectly triangular lake surrounded by land, with three kingdoms on the three sides of the lake, the first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy prosperous people, the second Kingdom is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power, too. the third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an ammy the kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it's a valuable resource to have the first kingdom sends 100 of their finest knights, clad in the best armor and each with their own personal squire the second kingdom sends 50 of their knights, with fine leather armor and a few dozen squires of their own the third kingdom sends their one and only knight, an elderty warrior who has long since passed his prime. with his own personal squire the night before the big battle, the knights in the first kingdom drink and make merry, partying into the late hours of the night the knights in the second kingdom aren't as well off, but have their own supply of grog and also drink late into the night. in the third camp, the faithful squire gets a rope and slings it over the branch of a tall tree, making a noose, and hangs a pot from it he fills the pot with stew and has a humble dinner with the old knight the next morning, the knights in the first two kingdoms are hung over and unable to fight, while the knight in the third kingdom is old and weary, unable to get up in place of the knights. the squires from all three kingdoms go and fight the battle lasts long into the night, but by the time the dust settled, only one squire was left standing the squire from the third kingdom. and it just goes to show you that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides What have we become How dare you make me read that Read this and then comment 😵 when you get it

Read this and then comment 😵 when you get it

Save
The war of 6810: 83% 3:41 PM 65° consultingskeletondetective: somanyfandomsasdfghjkl the-average-gatsby alright you guys have posted some pretty bad jokes on here but not one comes close to this doozy brace yourselves so there's a far-off place that consists of a perfectly triangular lake surrounded by land, with three kingdoms on the three sides of the lake the first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy prosperous people. the second kingdom is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power, too. the third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army. the kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it's a valuable resource to have. the first kingdom sends 100 of their finest knights, clad in the best armor and each with their own personal squire. the second kingdom sends 50 of their knights, with fine leather armor and a few dozen squires of their own. the third kingdom sends their one and only knight, an elderly warrior who has long since passed his prime, with his own personal squire. the night before the big battle, the knights in the first kingdom drink and make merry, partying into the late hours of the night. the knights in the second kingdom aren't as well off, but have their own supply of grog and also drink late into the night. in the third camp, the faithful squire gets a rope and slings it over the branch of a tall tree, making a noose, and hangs a pot from it. he fills the pot with stew and has a humble dinner with the old knight the next morning, the knights in the first two kingdoms are hung over and unable to fight, while the knight in the third kingdom is old and weary, unable to get up. in place of the knights, the squires from all three kingdoms go and fight. the battle lasts long into the night, but by the time the dust settled, only one squire was left standing- the squire from the third kingdom. and it just goes to show you that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides What have we become How dare you make me read that Source the-average-ga... 106,189 notes 11 The war of 6810

The war of 6810

Save
<p><a href="http://forgottenghosty.tumblr.com/post/151732838135/blackwithstarlight-lunaticonthenile" class="tumblr_blog">forgottenghosty</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://blackwithstarlight.tumblr.com/post/132624499904">blackwithstarlight</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://lunaticonthenile.tumblr.com/post/132605718802">lunaticonthenile</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://airdramon.tumblr.com/post/98976080683">airdramon</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://awenyddogamulosx.tumblr.com/post/86696709179">awenyddogamulosx</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://ruthlesswoodcarver.tumblr.com/post/86658104879">ruthlesswoodcarver</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://mothensidhe.tumblr.com/post/86657361405">mothensidhe</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://fatfury.tumblr.com/post/86185638635">fatfury</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://omgxchrissy.tumblr.com/post/86180847049">omgxchrissy</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://cumleak.tumblr.com/post/86105127340">cumleak</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://deux-zero-deux.tumblr.com/post/85504284138">deux-zero-deux</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://demands-with-menace.tumblr.com/post/85208997996">demands-with-menace</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>Queen Hatshepsut of Ancient Egypt. She has a lovely smile for someone who’s been dead for thousands of years.</p> </blockquote> <p>she wasn’t a queen. <b>she was a pharaoh and wanted to be referred to as such.</b> she even had her statues modeled after the male pharaoh’s statues to state her dominance and authority. she was actually one of the most successful pharaohs in all of ancient egyptian history and she reigned longer than any other woman in power in egypt.</p> </blockquote> <p>damn no wonder she died and smiled for a trillion years afterwards</p> </blockquote> <p>The fact that we know about her is marvelous.</p> <p>the next Pharaoh after her Tuthmosis III  tried to erase Hatshepsut out of history ,chiseled her name off her monuments ,covered the text on her obelisks with stone,knocked down and defaced her statues .</p> <p>she was even left off the list of pharaohs ..talk about some patriarchy bullshit</p> <p>her name was lost for a couple of millennia, her body was found in a unmarked grave  in early twentieth century</p> <p>sad part is in Egyptian belief is  if your are forgotten in the living world you don’t exist in the afterlife,so he was trying to kill her even in death </p> </blockquote> <p>My best friend throwing down some herstory. A+ commentary</p> </blockquote> <p>She wore a fake beard, you guys.<br/>She was the fucking boss.</p> </blockquote> <p>If we remember her now does that save her from an awful afterlife?</p> </blockquote> <p>I’m just picturing the Kemetic afterlife. All the Pharaohs are hanging out in some kind of swanky club, drinking and congratulating each other on being bros. </p> <p>The doors slam open and Hatshepsut strides in, glorious, robes swirling, rocking the fake beard and the insane amounts of wealth and power. “Miss me, bitches?” </p> </blockquote> <p>Then she punches Tuthmosis III straight in the dick.</p> </blockquote> <p>King Hatshepsut’s ka is justified and fed by this post. </p> <p>Not only did she reign for a long time, she expanded trade and wealth in Kemet to areas and volumes unprecedented in history, AND she did it without conquest or war. She had a fleet of fucking ships built just to go to Punt for trade, <i>no other apparent reason</i>. Before these ships were discovered, Egyptologists didn’t think the ancients of Egypt knew how to sail on the sea, just the Nile. Hatshepsut knew, or at least knew who to employ to get that shit done. And got shit done she did. </p> <p><i>Straight in the dick</i> is probably right. xD</p> </blockquote> <p>DUA NISUT! Damn right She wore the beard, that’s what a King does.<br/></p> </blockquote> <p>Okay, I want to be smiling when I’m dead.<br/><br/>But anyway, what makes this hurt more for her was that Tuthmosis III was her stepson and nephew also co-regent. They were considered equal.<br/>Since at the time of his father’s death he was too young Hatshepsut was his regent, but then she named herself Pharaoh. When he reached the right age she had him head her armies.<br/><br/>The theory is that Tuthmosis III wasn’t happy about his stepmother keeping the throne to herself and that is why he had her image erased.<br/><br/>But a newer theory is coming out that it was done to make sure of her surviving relatives didn’t have a chance for the throne. Also has been suggested it was actually Tuthmosis III son Amenhotep II that did the defacing when his father was an old man and was trying to take credit for things that Hatshepsut had built.</p></blockquote> <p>This is very cool history and everything but I&rsquo;m just so caught up in the fact that mummies are so well preserved. I mean wow. We are looking at a face that is literally thousands of years old and still recognizable as a human face.</p>: <p><a href="http://forgottenghosty.tumblr.com/post/151732838135/blackwithstarlight-lunaticonthenile" class="tumblr_blog">forgottenghosty</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://blackwithstarlight.tumblr.com/post/132624499904">blackwithstarlight</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://lunaticonthenile.tumblr.com/post/132605718802">lunaticonthenile</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://airdramon.tumblr.com/post/98976080683">airdramon</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://awenyddogamulosx.tumblr.com/post/86696709179">awenyddogamulosx</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://ruthlesswoodcarver.tumblr.com/post/86658104879">ruthlesswoodcarver</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://mothensidhe.tumblr.com/post/86657361405">mothensidhe</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://fatfury.tumblr.com/post/86185638635">fatfury</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://omgxchrissy.tumblr.com/post/86180847049">omgxchrissy</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://cumleak.tumblr.com/post/86105127340">cumleak</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://deux-zero-deux.tumblr.com/post/85504284138">deux-zero-deux</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://demands-with-menace.tumblr.com/post/85208997996">demands-with-menace</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>Queen Hatshepsut of Ancient Egypt. She has a lovely smile for someone who’s been dead for thousands of years.</p> </blockquote> <p>she wasn’t a queen. <b>she was a pharaoh and wanted to be referred to as such.</b> she even had her statues modeled after the male pharaoh’s statues to state her dominance and authority. she was actually one of the most successful pharaohs in all of ancient egyptian history and she reigned longer than any other woman in power in egypt.</p> </blockquote> <p>damn no wonder she died and smiled for a trillion years afterwards</p> </blockquote> <p>The fact that we know about her is marvelous.</p> <p>the next Pharaoh after her Tuthmosis III  tried to erase Hatshepsut out of history ,chiseled her name off her monuments ,covered the text on her obelisks with stone,knocked down and defaced her statues .</p> <p>she was even left off the list of pharaohs ..talk about some patriarchy bullshit</p> <p>her name was lost for a couple of millennia, her body was found in a unmarked grave  in early twentieth century</p> <p>sad part is in Egyptian belief is  if your are forgotten in the living world you don’t exist in the afterlife,so he was trying to kill her even in death </p> </blockquote> <p>My best friend throwing down some herstory. A+ commentary</p> </blockquote> <p>She wore a fake beard, you guys.<br/>She was the fucking boss.</p> </blockquote> <p>If we remember her now does that save her from an awful afterlife?</p> </blockquote> <p>I’m just picturing the Kemetic afterlife. All the Pharaohs are hanging out in some kind of swanky club, drinking and congratulating each other on being bros. </p> <p>The doors slam open and Hatshepsut strides in, glorious, robes swirling, rocking the fake beard and the insane amounts of wealth and power. “Miss me, bitches?” </p> </blockquote> <p>Then she punches Tuthmosis III straight in the dick.</p> </blockquote> <p>King Hatshepsut’s ka is justified and fed by this post. </p> <p>Not only did she reign for a long time, she expanded trade and wealth in Kemet to areas and volumes unprecedented in history, AND she did it without conquest or war. She had a fleet of fucking ships built just to go to Punt for trade, <i>no other apparent reason</i>. Before these ships were discovered, Egyptologists didn’t think the ancients of Egypt knew how to sail on the sea, just the Nile. Hatshepsut knew, or at least knew who to employ to get that shit done. And got shit done she did. </p> <p><i>Straight in the dick</i> is probably right. xD</p> </blockquote> <p>DUA NISUT! Damn right She wore the beard, that’s what a King does.<br/></p> </blockquote> <p>Okay, I want to be smiling when I’m dead.<br/><br/>But anyway, what makes this hurt more for her was that Tuthmosis III was her stepson and nephew also co-regent. They were considered equal.<br/>Since at the time of his father’s death he was too young Hatshepsut was his regent, but then she named herself Pharaoh. When he reached the right age she had him head her armies.<br/><br/>The theory is that Tuthmosis III wasn’t happy about his stepmother keeping the throne to herself and that is why he had her image erased.<br/><br/>But a newer theory is coming out that it was done to make sure of her surviving relatives didn’t have a chance for the throne. Also has been suggested it was actually Tuthmosis III son Amenhotep II that did the defacing when his father was an old man and was trying to take credit for things that Hatshepsut had built.</p></blockquote> <p>This is very cool history and everything but I&rsquo;m just so caught up in the fact that mummies are so well preserved. I mean wow. We are looking at a face that is literally thousands of years old and still recognizable as a human face.</p>
Save
A long jokeomg-humor.tumblr.com: consultingskeletondetective: somanyfandomsasdfghjkl: the-average-gatsby: alright you guys have posted some pretty bad jokes on here but not one comes close to this doozy brace yourselves so there's a far-off place that consists of a perfectly triangular lake surrounded by land, with three kingdoms on the three sides of the lake. the first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people. the second kingdom is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power, too. the third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army. the kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it's a valuable resource to have. the first kingdom sends 100 of their finest knights, clad in the best armor and each with their own personal squire. the second kingdom sends 50 of their knights, with fine leather armor and a few dozen squires of their own. the third kingdom sends their one and only knight, an elderly warrior who has long since passed his prime, with his own personal squire. the night before the big battle, the knights in the first kingdom drink and make merry, partying into the late hours of the night. the knights in the second kingdom aren't as well off, but have their own supply of grog and also drink late into the night. in the third camp, the faithful squire gets a rope and slings it over the branch of a tall tree, making a noose, and hangs a pot from it. he fills the pot with stew and has a humble dinner with the old knight. the next morning, the knights in the first two kingdoms are hung over and unable to fight, while the knight in the third kingdom is old and weary, unable to get up. in place of the knights, the squires from all three kingdoms go and fight. the battle lasts long into the night, but by the time the dust settled, only one squire was left standing - the squire from the third kingdom. and it just goes to show you that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides What have we become How dare you make me read that Source: the-average-ga. 106,189 notes A long jokeomg-humor.tumblr.com

A long jokeomg-humor.tumblr.com

Save
awenyddogamulosx: ruthlesswoodcarver: mothensidhe: fatfury: omgxchrissy: cumleak: deux-zero-deux: demands-with-menace: Queen Hatshepsut of Ancient Egypt. She has a lovely smile for someone who’s been dead for thousands of years. she wasn’t a queen. she was a pharaoh and wanted to be referred to as such. she even had her statues modeled after the male pharaoh’s statues to state her dominance and authority. she was actually one of the most successful pharaohs in all of ancient egyptian history and she reigned longer than any other woman in power in egypt. damn no wonder she died and smiled for a trillion years afterwards The fact that we know about her is marvelous. the next Pharaoh after her Tuthmosis III  tried to erase Hatshepsut out of history ,chiseled her name off her monuments ,covered the text on her obelisks with stone,knocked down and defaced her statues . she was even left off the list of pharaohs ..talk about some patriarchy bullshit her name was lost for a couple of millennia, her body was found in a unmarked grave  in early twentieth century sad part is in Egyptian belief is  if your are forgotten in the living world you don’t exist in the afterlife,so he was trying to kill her even in death  My best friend throwing down some herstory. A+ commentary She wore a fake beard, you guys.She was the fucking boss. If we remember her now does that save her from an awful afterlife? I’m just picturing the Kemetic afterlife. All the Pharaohs are hanging out in some kind of swanky club, drinking and congratulating each other on being bros.  The doors slam open and Hatshepsut strides in, glorious, robes swirling, rocking the fake beard and the insane amounts of wealth and power. “Miss me, bitches?”  : awenyddogamulosx: ruthlesswoodcarver: mothensidhe: fatfury: omgxchrissy: cumleak: deux-zero-deux: demands-with-menace: Queen Hatshepsut of Ancient Egypt. She has a lovely smile for someone who’s been dead for thousands of years. she wasn’t a queen. she was a pharaoh and wanted to be referred to as such. she even had her statues modeled after the male pharaoh’s statues to state her dominance and authority. she was actually one of the most successful pharaohs in all of ancient egyptian history and she reigned longer than any other woman in power in egypt. damn no wonder she died and smiled for a trillion years afterwards The fact that we know about her is marvelous. the next Pharaoh after her Tuthmosis III  tried to erase Hatshepsut out of history ,chiseled her name off her monuments ,covered the text on her obelisks with stone,knocked down and defaced her statues . she was even left off the list of pharaohs ..talk about some patriarchy bullshit her name was lost for a couple of millennia, her body was found in a unmarked grave  in early twentieth century sad part is in Egyptian belief is  if your are forgotten in the living world you don’t exist in the afterlife,so he was trying to kill her even in death  My best friend throwing down some herstory. A+ commentary She wore a fake beard, you guys.She was the fucking boss. If we remember her now does that save her from an awful afterlife? I’m just picturing the Kemetic afterlife. All the Pharaohs are hanging out in some kind of swanky club, drinking and congratulating each other on being bros.  The doors slam open and Hatshepsut strides in, glorious, robes swirling, rocking the fake beard and the insane amounts of wealth and power. “Miss me, bitches?” 
Save