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Bad, Barber, and Barbie: This is how she looks every time we're cooking and not giving her anything So I’m at a holiday party right. Next to me is a woman 43 years old fam she didn’t look older than 25. Drop dead gorgeous. And here’s this cosmetic surgeon saying he finnta do a procedure that eliminate these tiny a$$ wrinkles under he eyes and she was being polite but really wasn’t interested and bro I wanted to clock this ugly hair implant MF 😂. Like how u gon tell a woman at a party u gon upgrade her! Fam! She already a dime! Heck u gon upgrade?! Another lil homegirl of mine she just plain Barbie - put her lil a$$ in a pair of shorts and a corvette with Ken with the PP missin and bam, Barbie. She go to a ‘cosmetic dentist’ this MF said she has buck teeth. Lemme tell u...this cosmetic industry satanic 😂. They really lying to u women. Will a barber ever say u DONT need a haircut? Nah - or else he gon go broke! Same. These dudes gon make u feel like something wrong when u already perfect! “I’ll fix those stretch marks” OVER MY DEAD BODY Dr. FESSENJAN PULL A SCALPEL AND IMMA STAB U WITH IT. DONT BODY YA SELF 😂. “Smash we know u lying about the body positive thing to attract thick women” WELL BISH GIVE ME A PP DETECTOR TEST. Put some grey sweatpants on me. Turn around. Pull ya yoga pants down below them cheeks, show me them skretch marks. If I ain’t pitching a full tent, stab me 😂. “wow - you’re really making all the women who had surgery feel bad, we knew u were a Sh!thead.” Well hang on now. If YOU want it, YOU get it! I support that! U wanna get your nose shaped - do you! A$$ shots - do u! BA - do u! BUT DONT LET THE COSMETIC INDUSTRY GUIDE U. THEY GON LIE TO U AND MAKE U FIX SOMETHING THAT DONT NEED FIXING. THEY NEED TO - OR ELSE THEY GON GO OUT OF BUSINESS. LOVE YOURSELF (like I love you 😊). IF U WANNA DO SOMETHING FOR U THEN DO IT BUT DONT LET NOBODY WITH A PP TALK U INTO SOME SH!T LMAO BLESS UP 😍😂😂
Anaconda, Ass, and Baseball: u/Thigpenology 1d i.redd.it I met this local wet-nosed pup at the bar, his name is Smudge @DrSmashlove Playoff baseball is upon us. Now some of u ladies who grew up with brothers and-or a father (who was actually present 🤗) already know a thing or two about sports. Matter fact y’all know a LOT about sports, y’all be at the bars with your blond pony tail hanging out the back of your cubs snap back recalling stats like a cot damn baseball announcer lol. But some of y’all - like me (raised with sisters 🙋‍♂️😂) - don’t know shiiiiiiiiit. Zero. Nada. And that’s completely fine! Sports are gay! (No offense to sports fans or homosexuals - I’m just saying let’s call it what it is - if u a man who spend his days admiring men in tight pants then u a lil gay! Just a lil bit 👌😂). But anyway when it come to baseball it’s one way to easily cheat and participate in any baseball discussion. As soon as a discussion about an impending baseball game come up, say one thing. Just one. U ready? “Who’s pitching?” Bam. BAM. Wind that boy up and let his ass go. Watch his ass talk for 45 MINUTES about the pitchers on both sides. “Well for the Nats it’s Strasburg - dude is INCREDIBLE - fastballs over 100 mph” etc etc until you fall asleep face down in yo burger and fries u feel me? But u let him talk. That’s all it is - talking. I go out on dates and afterward the girl be like “we clicked - you’re amazing - talking to u felt so natural ☺️” and I’m thinking “yeah bish because I ain’t talk! You talked and I nodded! U talked enuf for both of us witchoe tawkin ass!” 😂 But real talk just say it with me: “who’s pitching?” And let him talk his sh!t. And watch him text his family the next day talmbout “OMG I MET A GIRL NAMED MEGAN AND SHE’S BEAUTIFUL AND SHE LOVES BASEBALL” and his sister Karen just like “finally! You ex Kelly hated baseball! That b!tch!” Now y’all getting married. U feel me? U choosing bridesmaids dresses and picking appetizers for the wedding off of “who’s pitching?” Warning: don’t say “who’s on the mound?” That’s a little too manly baby girl u don’t want him thinking yo armpits hairy lol. “who’s on the mound?” That’s like calling him “bro” ... like Bryson Tiller said: “Don’t.” Who’s pitching? Now go get married Megan bless up 😍😂😂😂
Club, Instagram, and Love: DON'T GIVE UP JUST BECAUSE OF WHAT SOMEONE SAID MANUTD14 USE THAT AS MOTIVATION TO PUSH HARDER WE LOVE YOU VICTOR ♥🔴 Remeber when he first time officially joined United as a new player?! we were all happy right? We believed in him and trusted that he will succeed🙏🔴 But now, why are you guys blaming on him? Saying he played badly😰😱 Yesterday I checked on Victor Lindelof's instagram account and lots of people who says their 'United's fans' were mocking him by saying that he is a flop!? As a true United fan, we have to trust and respect the team, staff, manager and all players 🙏♥ Boss bought him because he has a reason, hope, and not to be blamed!!Indeed as a fan, we have our own expectations, but you must realize that every new players needs time to settle in their new club. As United fans, It should be our duty to support & believe in United! If Victor or other players do something wrong, dont blame them but instead we should really encourage them not to give up so that they will be able to come back stronger!!! Whatever happens and whatever the haters said, DONT ever give up Victor💪💪💪 Keep up your spirit and prove the haters that they are making a big mistake for calling you a flop! You deserve to be here and play for one of the biggest club in the world! Let them comments everthing they want and prove them wrong in the pitch @victorlindelof 🔴🙏 . RESPECT mufc manchesterunited mourinho davesaves lindelof darmian mkhitaryan nemanjamatic andreaspereira bailly pogba lukaku martial anderherrera rashford philjones daleyblind lingard ashleyyoung valencia romero lukeshaw smalling daviddegea juanmata manutd14_ manutd14_id

WE LOVE YOU VICTOR ♥🔴 Remeber when he first time officially joined United as a new player?! we were all happy right? We believed in him and ...

Memes, Brain, and 🤖: Our thoughts are with Ajax youngster @abdelhak_nouri who has sadly got permanent brain damage after he collapsed on the pitch in a pre-season friendly vs. Werder Bremen.

Our thoughts are with Ajax youngster @abdelhak_nouri who has sadly got permanent brain damage after he collapsed on the pitch in a pre-seaso...