Bless Up, Boobies, and Memes: Blue heeler puppy
Now one of my followers read my last caption and asked "smash what if I use my mirrors to back into spots??" Well baby I'm glad you asked. See this type of woman is very dangerous. Very very dangerous. If she can back into a spot, she got other life skills. She could change oil. She could change a flat tire. She could change a damn transmission with her bare hands. I had a ex like this. Tattooed young ting who worked as a waitress, she was feminine AF. When I closed her bedroom door she didn't like how it rubbed the door frame. Tell me why did homegirl take apart the two hinges, LIFT THE DOOR OFF THE FRAME, fix the hinges, AND PUT THE DOOR BACK. I was like "aye lemme help you with the door baby" she look at me dead ass like "IT'S HOLLOW - I GOT IT" and she maneuvering this big ass door bigger than her. Men - lemme tell u some shit, and I want u to remember this - u have never seen something crazier than a lil ass woman doing manual labor in only panties while her boobies flail about as she hammer and screw shit in. It's a wondrous thing, it truly is. So with that said, shout to u girls that's handy. Hands on. Elbow grease. (There's a saying that involves elbow grease because the old white men I work with say it all the time but I still don't know what it mean so when people talk about fixing shit, I just say "elbow grease" to fit in. I hope I used that correctly? Who knows 🤔). In any event shout to u girls who cocoa butter your bodies but also have elbow grease. Bring your greasy ass here girl let's have chirren - I fux with your handiness, ol Bob-Villa-as-a-pretty-woman lookin ass 🤗. Bless up! 😍😂😂😂
Beard, Boobies, and Memes: Hey lil guy that's not your bed!
Ladies why do y'all text me like "hey what are you wearing tonight just curious". Nah. Hell nah. Don't u know my idol is Richard Gere in Pretty Woman? Imma meet u at the sushi joint in a suit. You should wear ripped jeans, short ass jean shorts, whatever comfortable and a lil trashy dammit just feel sexy. A couple ain't gotta match. It look sexy and spontaneous when a couple unmatchy AF. Be my Julia Roberts, u feel me? I'm not old enuf to be a sugar daddy yet but I love it when I'm out and people give me strange looks. "Wow, what's the story, why is he so dressed up, this doesn't make sense." I like to confuse and confound the people-watchers - they gon make up a story anyway so let me have fun with it 🤗. Bottom line: if your man wear a Kangol hat turned backward, a pencil beard, an Insane Clown Posse t shirt and Ed Hardy jeans, are you gonna wear - WAIT - THAT WAS A TRICK QUESTION - IN NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD U DATE MEN WHO DRESS LIKE THIS 😂 - IF U DO, U HAVE MADE VERY BAD DECISIONS IN LIFE AND NEED TO CHANGE COURSE - COME TO CHICAGO AND I WILL ADOPT U AND HAVE U EATING RIGHT, EXERCISING AND LIVING RIGHT. AT THE APPROPRIATE TIME, WE CAN COMMENCE TATTOO REMOVAL TOO BECAUSE GOD KNOWS YOU GOT FIVE OR SIX OF THE MOST REGRETFUL TATTOOS KNOWN TO MAN, AT LEAST ONE (1) OF WHICH RESIDES ON YOUR UPPER LEFT BOOBY. THEY ALL NEED REMOVAL. HOW DID I GET ON THIS TANGENT. WHY AM I TYPING IN ALL CAPS. HAPPY FRIDAY YALL TURN UP 🤗😂😂😂