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Animals, Bones, and Church: teaboot The amount of times I could have been that white girl in the horror movie could honestly be a movie in itself and it's honestly a waste that my entire life isn't constantly recorded on film because it would be HILARIOUS teaboot 1. That one time I decided to see what was past the old gate in the woods, but when got there it had been smashed in half and there was a decapitated sheep head with no skin just off the trail, so instead I just turned around and went home. 2. That time some friends and I went camping and we found a pile of bones wrapped in a garbage bag buried under a log, but the adult supervisor told us it was nothing, so we just put it back and didn't talk about it again. 3. The time I was getting chased through the woods at night and I realized "wait it's dark as fuck so I just held still until the guy gave up and left. . The time this dude said he was in love with me and so he was going to cut my head off and dump my body in a lake, so l told him to grow the hell up, but then he got caught stealing girl's underwear a day later andI never saw him again 5. That one time in college where I was taking a shortcut on my home at night and a car followed me into a dark alley, so I stared directly into the driver's side of the window and walked towards it to psych them out 6. The night I was out on a walk and this old guy told me he'd locked his keys in his truck and that he needed someone my size to crawl in through the back window for him, so I told him you know that sounds super suspicious right and told him where to find a pay phone for a tow truck instead 7. The one time this random guy on the street said he was in love with me and so he was going to follow me home on my bus, so l clapped him on the shoulder and told him that if he got that close to my bus then I was going to throw him under the wheels, but then this really nice homeless man from Nigeria told the guy to fuck off and then checked to make sure he didn't follow me onboard 8. That big cat with yellow eyes who I found in a well and brought home who used to put rotting meat in my closet and wake me up by chewing on my face, until I put him back outside and never saw him again. 9. My one cousin who used to come over for the summer who kept calling me 'piΓ±ata and hitting me with sticks, until he went back home and was sent to juvie c got caught torturing animals cause he finally 10. The time I got lost on the way to a meeting and wound up at a circus tent instead, and got followed by a full-out clown for three vacant street blocks 11. The pet hamster I had when I was seven who would scream all night and eventually es- caped by ripping a bar out of its cage and wig- gling through the hole. My mom caught it and put it back but it lved another year and a half until one night the screaming just stopped 12. The time I was whistling in the woods and something started whistling back, so I went home 13. That one night at summer camp where a group of girls got together to play 'bloody mary in the lavatory and invited me to come with them so I said "no thanks" and stayed with the camp councillors and drank soup instead. 14. The old abandoned house I just moved into with the door that leads into a big empty room full of dirt and empty cooking pots that I just sort of... locked up forever and never gon ear 15. Once when I was at an ihop I saw a coffee mug do a full 360Β° spin with nobody touching it, so I said 'that was neat' and never ate there again 16. The time I took a photo of a big old raven sitting on the crucifix on top of the old town church cause it was the most goth thing l'd ever seen, right? But then it swooped down towards me, so I apologized immediately for being rude, and I felt a little silly for a while but the car that hit me on the way home didn't even leave a bruise so idk be nice to birds teaboot Sorry I know I bring this shit up a lot but sometimes im awake at night and I just. keep thinking teaboot I think the secret to survival is to be good to animals, stay away from men, and say "no elsean Source: teaboot 205.063 notes Teaboots Adventures As That White Girl in Horror Movies
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Ass, Bad, and Children: zaynsamosa white person: eats chicken tikka masala once* i just... i feel so connected... to indian culture... I'm learning to speak islam.... check out my third eye..... chakra teaboot Every time see this. Every damn time. I'm immediately sucked back into my fuckin. Fuckin English lit class with Mr. Fuckass McShit. Mr. "Hit the gong to begin class", "Namaste, Children", "l wanna go backpacking in India to find my spiritual awakening and also my left burkinstock that I lost during a cedar sauna drum circle" ass bastard. "Do you want to share your poetry with the class to get in touch with your emotions" ass fucker. Mr. "Here's a photograph of a tribal shaman, describe him using nature words" asshole. Pretentious- ass, condescending motherfucker. "Do you want to tell us about your saddest memory?" "I dunno, sir. Are you giving me an option?" "No." "Then why are you asking" Every goddamn day. Fuck. "You seem tense." Oh, I seem tense? I seem tense. Well fuck, Professor Pillsbury, maybe l 'seem tense' because I walk into a room on five hours of sleep to the sound of a goddamn brass gong drilling through my brain and your seven- foot-nine, socks-and-sandals-wearing, patchouli- smelling ass immediately gravitates in my direction with some shit like "a tree......... Is a Poem" and I gotta sit here and politely tell you that No I'm Not Comfortable Telling The Class About A Time I Was Emotionally Vulnerable With A Loved One using words that sound like the way the color yellow smells. Maybe l don't wanna sit in a circle and hold hands with Brittney from Computer Sciences to "align our auras" or some shit Fuck. Fuuuuuuck. I swear to God, if I wanted to sing kumbaya' with a smelly old guy with gross facial hair who writes bad porn on the side, I'd go out to the parking lot and share a Hookah with Crazy Dan, the disgraced electrician. What, I don't wanna do an interpretive dance to represent the spiritual experience of eating Quinoa in a room full of ambivalent preteens and suddenly I'm the 'troubled youth' you need to Robin Williams "O Captain My Captain" your way into having a Paternal Bonding Moment powerful enough to Expand My Impressionable Young Mind and Turn My Life Around, you goddamn saint, you? Jesus Fucking Christ. You insufferable jackass. You're not "Enlightened", you rolled out of bed and ate half a pot brownie, wrote a sad song about a leaf, and strolled into class to ramble about your Spirit Animal for six hours straight before calling it a day. Holy Jesus goddamned Christ. Fucking Balls, sir. Holy Fucking Balls Source: zintersoldier #Teaboot 238,334 notes Sep 29th, 2018 a tree Is a Poem
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Animals, Bones, and Church: teaboot The amount of times I could have been that white girl in the horror movie could honestly be a movie in itself and it's honestly a waste that my entire life isn't constantly recorded on film because it would be HILARIOUSS teaboot 1. That one time I decided to see what was past the old gate in the woods, but when got there it had beern smashed in half and there was a decapitated sheep head with no skin just off the trail, so instead I just turned around and went home 2. That time some friends and I went camping and we found a pile of bones wrapped in a garbage bag buried under a log, but the adult supervisor told us it was nothing, so we just put it back and didn't talk about it again. 3. The time I was getting chased through the woods at night and I realized "wait it's dark as fuck" so I just held still until the guy gave up and left. 4. The time this dude said he was in love with me and so he was going to cut my head off and dump my body in a lake, so I told him to grow the hell up, but then he got caught stealing girl's underwear a day later and I never saw him again 5. That one time in college where I was taking a short- cut on my home at night and a car followed me into a dark alley, so I stared directly into the drivers side of the window and walked towards it to psych them out 6. The night I was out on a walk and this old guy told me he'd locked his keys in his truck and that he needed someone my size to crawl in through the back window for him, so l told him "you know that sounds super suspicious right" and told him where to find a pay phone for a tow truck instead 7. The one time this random guy on the street said he was in love with me and so he was going to follow me home on my bus, so I clapped him on the shoulder and told him that if he got that close to my bus then l was going to throw him under the wheels, but then this really nice homeless man from Nigeria told the guy to fuck off and then checked to make sure he didn't follow me onboard 8. That big cat with yellow eyes who I found in a wel and brought home who used to put rotting meat in my closet and wake me up by chewing on my face, until put him back outside and never saw him again. 9. My one cousin who used to come over for the summer who kept calling me piΓ±ata' and hitting me with sticks, until he went back home and was sent to juvie cause he finally got caught torturing animals 10. The time I got lost on the way to a meeting and wound up at a circus tent instead, and got followed by a full-out clown for three vacant street blocks 11. The pet hamster I had when I was seven who would scream all night and eventually escaped by ripping a bar out of its cage and wiggling through the hole. My mom caught it and put it back but it lived another year and a half until one night the screaming just stopped 12. The time I was whistling in the woods and something started whistling back, so I went home 13. That one night at summer camp where a group of girls got together to play bloody mary' in the lavatory and invited me to come with them so I said "no thanks" and stayed with the camp councillors and drank soup instead 14. The old abandoned house I just moved into witlh the door that leads into a big empty room full of dirt and empty cooking pots that I just sort of.. locked up forever and never go near 15. Once when I was at an ihop I saw a coffee mug do a full 360Β° spin with nobody touching it, so I said that was neat' and never ate there again 16. The time I took a photo of a big old raven sitting on the crucifix on top of the old town church cause it was the most goth thing I'd ever seen, right? But then it swooped down towards me, so I apologized immediately for being rude, and I felt a little silly for a while but the car that hit me on the way home didn't even leave a bruise so idk be nice to birds teaboot Sorry I know I bring this shit up a lot but sometimes inm awake at night and I just. keep thinking teaboot I think the secret to survival is to be good to animals, stay away from men, and say "no thanks" to everything else Source: teaboot 17,084 notes That One Time
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Bless Up, God, and Gym: This old guy walks his puppy past my house every evening My auntie is in her 70s. I was telling her about a couple personal records I had set at the gym recently. In her younger age she was athletic as hell - grew up poor and never picked up a tennis racquet until her 30s but when she did...anybody could get it...she put on that tennis skirt and her lil a$$ mobbed on em boy πŸ˜‚. Anyway when I was done talking she told me: β€œbeloved, when you’re young, you wake up and keep finding out new things that your body is able to do and accomplish. When you’re my age, every day you wake up and something is taken away from you.” She wasn’t even remotely bitter. She was just giving me the game straight up so as to ensure I don’t take my blessings for granted. Never take them blessings for granted, beloveds. Those are a gift. And if you’re suffering from any physical limitation or malady whatsoever, I ask God to bless you, protect you and ease it for you! And regardless, no physical limitation could ever limit your spirit and you need to remember that. Bless up 😍❀️ p.s. β€œSmash I’m an atheist you don’t need to pray for me 😊.” BIH. I AIN’T ATHEIST. GOD BEEN THERE FOR ME HELLA TIMES. SO IF MY PRAYER WORK AND U BLEW YA KNEE OUT AND YA KNEE START FEELING BETTER SOON, DON’T BE ACTING BRAND NEW WITCHOE SMARTY ARTY A$$ MAKING SMARTY ARTY ATHEIST ARGUMENTS. JUST LET ME BELIEVE IN MY ILLOGICAL LIL SPIRITUAL TING AND TAKE THE ILLOGICAL BLESSING, BLESS UP πŸ˜‚β€οΈ (πŸ“Ή: reddit u-crotchetyhooker)
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