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It’s the end of a decade. I’m close to 100 profiles. Here are my favorites from the last 6 years of making them.: niftyshadesofjake niftyshadesofjake .... ...... Jake, 27 Jake, 27 O less than a mile away O less than a mile away We may fight, but please don't try and solve the argument with regular soda. It won't take racial inequality to get me down on one knee. I prefer diet; we both know you are all the sugar I need. niftyshadesofjake University of Southern California niftyshadesofjake Scottsdale, Arizona USC CLASS OF 2022 3,401 FRESHME 0% ganted Ethically granted admission APPLICATIO Jake, 29 Jake 28 O less than a mile away less than a mile away I'm not a celebrity. I don't have $500,000 to help I'm having trouble picking a costume. Want to help? my future children become trojans at USC. I am a gentlemen. I have $50 for dinner to ethically boost my chances of getting a trojan into you. Swipe left if you are a fan of ghosting. Swipe right if you are a fan of getting boned. niftyshadesofjake Scottsdale, Arizona niftyshadesofjake Scottsdale, Arizona .. let 6'0" A Caded in 5'6" 5'0" your cave of wonders POLICE DEPT. 4'6" (480) 627-9186 4'0" Yes Please Jake Arredondo 3'6" Jake, 29 Jake, 29 O less than a mile away O less than a mile away Tired of guys lying about their height? Here is government proof I am at least 6ft. I promise that it will take more than a few rubs for anything to come out of my magic lamp. For our first date, you cook our dinner, and I will cook the meth. niftyshadesofjake niftyshadesofjake Scottsdale, Arizona You ok Jake, 29 Still Single O less than a mile away Jake, 27 As a born-again virgin (3-month dry spell). I can relate to the current bachelor. I was feeling 22, but really I am 27 and should probably start taking dating seriously. Swipe right. I too am willing to wait on putting the Pin the V, until I am sure about you and me. Swipe right to fill the blank space in my heart. If you aren't looking for a love story, baby just swipe left. This is the first one I had ever created (bad quality). This joke took 1,000+ hours to máke. niftyshadesofjake et niftyshadesofjake Hmargemadders.com Make America Accessible Again Jake, 24 Jake, 29 O less than a mile away About Jake I am 50% hispanic, so our love could very well be separated by Trump's wall. This is why I am proud to announce my new company, Largeladders.com If we are to go on a date you must wear sandals. No socks. I am pro house elf slavery and i cannot risk gving my elf his freedom. Furthermore, ifu need me to drive, I will have dobby pull me on my scooter and you may ride pigty-back style I do this for the envronment. Bring your nice flip flops if you want me to pay for dinner Political oppression might keep us down, but with my new ladder company, I will have a way to climb right back into your arms. It’s the end of a decade. I’m close to 100 profiles. Here are my favorites from the last 6 years of making them.

It’s the end of a decade. I’m close to 100 profiles. Here are my favorites from the last 6 years of making them.

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A full story for “If Tinder had a year in review like Spotify does.”: niftyshadesofjake niftyshadesofjake Scottsdale, Arizona Scottsdale, Arizona Dating Apps Premium 2019 WRAPPED You have spent some serious time being single. Here is how much time you have spent on dating apps over the last 5 years. Let's hope you are single due to your personality, because the alternative is you are ugly. Top Dates Sarah S. Top Lies You Told Girls Your cat is cute 69,617 mins I love The Office I'm only talking to you I rarely drink You aren't like the other girls Laura T. Samantha R. Melissa R. 103,648 mins Stephanie M. 53,011 107,107 Top Hair Color Minutes on Dates mins 118,659 mins mins 3,600 Brunette 2017 2019 2018 2016 2015 niftyshadesofjake niftyshadesofjake Scottsdale, Arizona Scottsdale, Arizona In perfect harmony You were pretty desperate. USC CLASS OF 2022 You discovered 304 new girls this year. But you really didn't vibe with anyone. 3,401 0% anted You didn't swipe right on one specific type of girl. Below is what you look for most in a match. Ethically FRESHME admission APPLICATIO You created 38 new profile pictures, watched 4 girls report you for being inappropriate, and spent 65 hours debating if you should give up on dating and get a dog. Jake, 29 O less than a mile away I'm not a celebrity. I don't have $500,000 to help my future children become trojans at USC. I am a gentlemen. I have $50 for dinner to ethically boost my chances of getting a trojan into you. Has a pulse and will give you attention. Cute Face Jake, 29 O less than a mile away Little Waist As a born-again virgin (3-month dry spell), I can relate to the current bachelor. Big Behind Swipe right. I too am willing to wait on putting the Pin the V, until I am sure about you and me. Good Personality Jake 28 O less than a mile away Ladies, if I can do this to Leo, imagine what I can do to you. : A full story for “If Tinder had a year in review like Spotify does.”

A full story for “If Tinder had a year in review like Spotify does.”

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whatdoyoumeanihavetochoose: thetrashmouthclub: somethingmissingthiswaycomes: vision-rights: subject-to-my-fandoms: tehrogue: norsegays: astrolope: People being angry about ~dem gays~ on Target’s Facebook. I just want to give my two cents on this and tell you a story. A couple weeks ago, I was hired at Target. I have a job at Target. Not a big deal right? It is a big deal because i’m a transman.  It doesn’t take a genius to conclude that it’s hard for me, my brothers, and sisters to get a job. There are legal restraints regarding the job and if you don’t pass, it’s hard to be taken seriously at a job interview. Right on the application, it asks what your preferred name is. It also asks if there is anything that target should know. I put the fact that I am a transman, expecting not to get a call because usually when you put that down, people will throw out the application. I got TWO interviews. At the interview, they asked me about it. I told them I am on hormones and they told me that they didn’t care. Not in the sense that they don’t emotionally care, but that it didn’t matter. I was male and that’s all that mattered. They also told me that they give sex same couples benefits in states that do not recognize them as a married couple. At my job orientation, I was not misgendered once. Even my supervisors who weren’t sure of my gender avoided pronoun use, which I found only happens when you’ve had pronoun training. They gave me a name tag with my preferred name and didn’t ask questions. I felt safe and respected, which is huge for a trans* person. TLDR: Target is amazing not just for the LGB, but also the T. Shop there for the rest of your life. people didnt know how Pro-LGBT Target is. I will always shop there Looks like I’m going to target. Real men shop at target All corporations are bad but now I’m considering applying to Target. “when you can give equal respects for all of your costumers, then maybe many of us will be back” ma'am………. that’s exactly what they’re doing At target you can order a special name tag from HR with your pronouns on it! Officially printed on there and everything!!!!! Target just got +1000000 respect: Karen Green Target 57 minutes ago I just saw your ad and I will never be able to spend money at your store again!! One man, one woman for life, thus saith the Lord!!! Like Comment Angela Concepcion about an hour ago Target I just saw your ad for gay couples marrying to register with you. I have also experienced an extraordinary wait in line when a Muslim cashier would not handle pork and someone had to cash her out, cash in and resume the order. However, you will not allow your customers to say Merry Christmas and you do not carry nativity creches. I will never shop in Target again and I will encourage friends and family to do the same. When you can give equal respects to all of your customers, then maybe many of us will be back. Till then, I will spend my money elsewhere. Like Comment Chet Stanger Target 3 hours ago With your advertisement for homosexual bridal registry, you've lost a card carrying shopper. It's one thing to expose adults to such debauchery, but it's quite another to expose children to it. Les Powell 3 hours ago X Target Well Target you lost all my business and I am sure alot more when my friends see this... ADVERTISEMENT that's love BE YOURSELF TOGETHER. whatdoyoumeanihavetochoose: thetrashmouthclub: somethingmissingthiswaycomes: vision-rights: subject-to-my-fandoms: tehrogue: norsegays: astrolope: People being angry about ~dem gays~ on Target’s Facebook. I just want to give my two cents on this and tell you a story. A couple weeks ago, I was hired at Target. I have a job at Target. Not a big deal right? It is a big deal because i’m a transman.  It doesn’t take a genius to conclude that it’s hard for me, my brothers, and sisters to get a job. There are legal restraints regarding the job and if you don’t pass, it’s hard to be taken seriously at a job interview. Right on the application, it asks what your preferred name is. It also asks if there is anything that target should know. I put the fact that I am a transman, expecting not to get a call because usually when you put that down, people will throw out the application. I got TWO interviews. At the interview, they asked me about it. I told them I am on hormones and they told me that they didn’t care. Not in the sense that they don’t emotionally care, but that it didn’t matter. I was male and that’s all that mattered. They also told me that they give sex same couples benefits in states that do not recognize them as a married couple. At my job orientation, I was not misgendered once. Even my supervisors who weren’t sure of my gender avoided pronoun use, which I found only happens when you’ve had pronoun training. They gave me a name tag with my preferred name and didn’t ask questions. I felt safe and respected, which is huge for a trans* person. TLDR: Target is amazing not just for the LGB, but also the T. Shop there for the rest of your life. people didnt know how Pro-LGBT Target is. I will always shop there Looks like I’m going to target. Real men shop at target All corporations are bad but now I’m considering applying to Target. “when you can give equal respects for all of your costumers, then maybe many of us will be back” ma'am………. that’s exactly what they’re doing At target you can order a special name tag from HR with your pronouns on it! Officially printed on there and everything!!!!! Target just got +1000000 respect

whatdoyoumeanihavetochoose: thetrashmouthclub: somethingmissingthiswaycomes: vision-rights: subject-to-my-fandoms: tehrogue: norsega...

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vision-rights: subject-to-my-fandoms: tehrogue: norsegays: astrolope: People being angry about ~dem gays~ on Target’s Facebook. I just want to give my two cents on this and tell you a story. A couple weeks ago, I was hired at Target. I have a job at Target. Not a big deal right? It is a big deal because i’m a transman.  It doesn’t take a genius to conclude that it’s hard for me, my brothers, and sisters to get a job. There are legal restraints regarding the job and if you don’t pass, it’s hard to be taken seriously at a job interview. Right on the application, it asks what your preferred name is. It also asks if there is anything that target should know. I put the fact that I am a transman, expecting not to get a call because usually when you put that down, people will throw out the application. I got TWO interviews. At the interview, they asked me about it. I told them I am on hormones and they told me that they didn’t care. Not in the sense that they don’t emotionally care, but that it didn’t matter. I was male and that’s all that mattered. They also told me that they give sex same couples benefits in states that do not recognize them as a married couple. At my job orientation, I was not misgendered once. Even my supervisors who weren’t sure of my gender avoided pronoun use, which I found only happens when you’ve had pronoun training. They gave me a name tag with my preferred name and didn’t ask questions. I felt safe and respected, which is huge for a trans* person. TLDR: Target is amazing not just for the LGB, but also the T. Shop there for the rest of your life. people didnt know how Pro-LGBT Target is. I will always shop there Looks like I’m going to target. Real men shop at target : Karen Green Target 57 minutes ago I just saw your ad and I will never be able to spend money at your store again!! One man, one woman for life, thus saith the Lord!!! Like Comment Angela Concepcion about an hour ago Target I just saw your ad for gay couples marrying to register with you. I have also experienced an extraordinary wait in line when a Muslim cashier would not handle pork and someone had to cash her out, cash in and resume the order. However, you will not allow your customers to say Merry Christmas and you do not carry nativity creches. I will never shop in Target again and I will encourage friends and family to do the same. When you can give equal respects to all of your customers, then maybe many of us will be back. Till then, I will spend my money elsewhere. Like Comment Chet Stanger Target 3 hours ago With your advertisement for homosexual bridal registry, you've lost a card carrying shopper. It's one thing to expose adults to such debauchery, but it's quite another to expose children to it. Les Powell 3 hours ago X Target Well Target you lost all my business and I am sure alot more when my friends see this... ADVERTISEMENT that's love BE YOURSELF TOGETHER. vision-rights: subject-to-my-fandoms: tehrogue: norsegays: astrolope: People being angry about ~dem gays~ on Target’s Facebook. I just want to give my two cents on this and tell you a story. A couple weeks ago, I was hired at Target. I have a job at Target. Not a big deal right? It is a big deal because i’m a transman.  It doesn’t take a genius to conclude that it’s hard for me, my brothers, and sisters to get a job. There are legal restraints regarding the job and if you don’t pass, it’s hard to be taken seriously at a job interview. Right on the application, it asks what your preferred name is. It also asks if there is anything that target should know. I put the fact that I am a transman, expecting not to get a call because usually when you put that down, people will throw out the application. I got TWO interviews. At the interview, they asked me about it. I told them I am on hormones and they told me that they didn’t care. Not in the sense that they don’t emotionally care, but that it didn’t matter. I was male and that’s all that mattered. They also told me that they give sex same couples benefits in states that do not recognize them as a married couple. At my job orientation, I was not misgendered once. Even my supervisors who weren’t sure of my gender avoided pronoun use, which I found only happens when you’ve had pronoun training. They gave me a name tag with my preferred name and didn’t ask questions. I felt safe and respected, which is huge for a trans* person. TLDR: Target is amazing not just for the LGB, but also the T. Shop there for the rest of your life. people didnt know how Pro-LGBT Target is. I will always shop there Looks like I’m going to target. Real men shop at target

vision-rights: subject-to-my-fandoms: tehrogue: norsegays: astrolope: People being angry about ~dem gays~ on Target’s Facebook. I ju...

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Teach boys about periods via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2Z0YocM: bloodytales Teach boys about periods My mother also talked about periods to my brothers. When I first got mine I had terrible cramps. Crippling cramps. I once was camping with my family and a few of my big brother's friends when my period came. My cramps were so bad that my mom gave me a full pain killer (1 was 13 and before that she only gave me pills cut in half) T iterally laid down on my parents' air mattress and cried in pain for an hour before the pill kicked in. My brothers friend came in to the big tent and I was just curled up and sobbing. Now, I was quite the tomboy and was known to rough house with my brothers and their friends and made sure I wasnt seen as just "a little girl." So my brother's friend was confused to see me openly weeping in the fetal position (seriously, these were the worst cramps I have had in my life. My vision went white). He asked what was wrong with me. My big brother stood up immediately and suggested a nice long hike. During this hike I am sure he had a pretty awkward conversation with his friend explaining menstrual cramps, because when they got back the pain pill had (mostly) kicked in and I was sitting up at a table when my brother's friend sheepishly asked me if I was feeling better. I said I was better, and he said good. When we made s'mores that night my brother and his friend kept me well supplied with chocolate. Making sure sons know as much about periods and menstruation as daughters makes them better brothers, better sons better fathers, and better men. A man that understands a period will not lightly accuse a woman of "being on her period" if the woman is in an argument. Raise better sons Teach them about normal bodily functions Teach boys about periods via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2Z0YocM

Teach boys about periods via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2Z0YocM

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srsfunny:Hell Explained By An Engineer: The following is reputed to be an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. "Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: "1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. "2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over "So which is it? "If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct-leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being. Which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God." This student received an A+ VIA THEMETAPICTURE.COM ENGINEERS TORY.COM srsfunny:Hell Explained By An Engineer

srsfunny:Hell Explained By An Engineer

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When an elder one visits Starbucks.: m4ge iwalk into starbucks and order a pumpkin spice latte with 13 shots of espresso. i tell the barista that i intend to transcend humanity and become a god. i ask for no whip creanm you say this jokingly but i had a customer actually order a pumpkin spice latte with 9 shots of espresso (also no whip) and when i asked her to verify that she did indeed want 9 shots of espresso she looked me dead in the eyes and said "i have 5 kids" Ionce had a woman come in and ordered an Americano with 19 shots of espresso. The drink took ages. It held up the line. I asked her why, and she shrugged and said "I just don't care". We still talk about that woman. We never saw her again. anais-ninja-blog new cryptid: exhausted woman at starbucks Actual conversation I had at register Hi, welcome to [Starbucks! What can I get you, today?" How much is it to fill a Venti with Espresso?" 1-I'm sorry?" A venti cup. How much to fill it with Espresso?" Oh. uh. Well, it'd be l suppose.. only have a button for a Quad. I don't have special pricing for twenty ounces of espresso in a single... drink. Price is the furthest thing from my mind right now How many 'add shots' is that?" deep breath of fear* "t'd be a quad with clears throat* "uh, sixteen additional shots of espresso. But, ma'am, I should tell you that the shots will start to get really bitter if they have to sit and wait for us to pull twenty of them- Taste means nothing to me." At this point I am truly fearing for my very existence in the presence of what must clearly be an eldritch being. Oh. Well, okay." I put on my absolute best customer service smile to hide my terror and accept that I must face this dragon, fae, or demon with dignity. "We carn certainly get that for you! The price will be She begins to pay, I shit thee not, with golden dollar coins. We are a block from Wall Street, and this eldritch demi-being is paying for an unholy elixer with golden coins. My life will end soon, I am sure of it. "Do you still have the 'Add Energy' packets?" My heart began to race at this request. Yes ma am." How many can I add? Futile though it is, at least I know the rote response to this. "For health reasons, we won't add more than one per drink and we cannot sell the packets individually One then. alter the order and tell her the new price. She pays, dumps the change and five golden dollars into the tip box. I write the order on the venti cup and pass it silently to the girl working the hot beverage station. Normally we called and pass, but this was not something to be spoken aloud. My fellow takes the cup, not thinking anything of the minor break with protocol, until she sees the order. She stares at me. "No." The woman, which I call her for no other greater insight into her terrifying being is within my grasp, simply stands on the other side and says, calmly but with a commanding tone I expect of Admirals in bad movies, "Yes My fellow barista pales before her task. But we are dutiful, we are true to our task, great though it may be. She sets about clearing the two brand new Matrena's of all distraction, and sets two tall cups in the ready position. The energy packet is emptied into the venti cup, and the shots begin pouring The barista was damn near shaking. This woman's gaze felt like the fires of the sun. Finally, the shots are pulled, the cup is filled, and the hand off takes place. ta was damn near shaking. This woman's gaze felt like the fires of the sun. Finally, the shots are pulled, the cup is filled, and the hand off takes place. Our visiting Incomprehensible takes it to our milk bar and adds a dollop of cream. Satisfied, she proceeds to down what must have been half the damn cup. Then she smiled at us, like a benediction and I was honestly filled with joy. And horror. She left, and we knew nothing more of her after that. When I talk with other former employees, we quickly begin talking about "The Company" as if we'd never I, perhaps knowing that part of our soul still powers that awesome and terrible corporate machine. And when I share this stroy, other Baristas at first act shocked but quickly settle and comes the chorus, "Yeah, I had one like that." Okay, Starbucks lore is my new favorite genre of literature. Please collect all these and more into a book. ..I thought Venti Espresso Cryptid was a fever dream my manager had. Good lord. When an elder one visits Starbucks.
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galacticdustbunnies: merindab: velosarapter: leavesofecstasy: leavesofecstasy: So this is super cool Okay but I don’t think ya’ll appreciate this as much as you should! Figuring out the places of ancient buildings — Roman, Celtic etc — tends to be a bit of a challenge. You have to consider the fact that the land has changed quite a lot over the centuries, with buildings popping up here and there, the topography changing dramatically, rising and falling like no one’s business, forests and cliffs being cut down or collapsing into the sea. Basically, the descriptions we have of sites in old ass texts can be a nightmare to match up to modern day locations. Some, like Chester and London, are easy. We kept building on them. It’s why there’s an amphitheatre in the middle of Chester and the Roman Wall. But in other parts of the country its a heck of a lot harder to locate and identify places. There’s this show called Time Team (or sth like that, it’s been a long long time) and they basically went around the UK digging up ancient sites that they tried to find through radar and aerial imagery etc etc. That requires a fair amount of planning and technology (aka the bane of field budgets everywhere). And even with those and all the nice little people digging away and the photographs and radar imagery, they still had issues figuring out the direction a building went in, which way the wall ran, if this was part of a house or not and so on. The heatwave and drought about to happen if it doesn’t frickin rain, is useful in that it allows us to see these sites without loads of planning and resources as they are today. We can identify places we’ve not been able to identify, locate sites we’ve wanted to locate for ages, because of the nifty little thing the dirt does when it gets hot and dry and like Satan’s breathing on everything. And that means that those sites can be logged down, and the modern topography won’t be such a bitch to try and figure out for locations because that heatwave has saved a lot of time and effort! Basically, don’t be surprised if in the next year or so, there are more reports and research papers about archaeological digsites in the UK from the Bronze Age or the Iron Age because this right here, this damned benighted hellish summer heat, will have been the cause of it all. Which makes me a little more tolerant of Satan and his dick ass breathing. This BBC article has a nice explanation on how exactly these marks form, as well. This so so cool @learnwelsh I am sure you have seen this, but just in case : Mike Bird Birdyword This is so cool. The UK's current heatwave is exposing the outline of ancient hill forts and settlements. Soil quality today is still affected by iron age construction, so the grass on top changes colour at a different pace in the sun. HT @holland_tom rcahmw.gov.uk/cropmarks-2018/ Follow CBHC 3:53 AM-8 Jul 2018 2,997 Retweets 7,061 Likes9 galacticdustbunnies: merindab: velosarapter: leavesofecstasy: leavesofecstasy: So this is super cool Okay but I don’t think ya’ll appreciate this as much as you should! Figuring out the places of ancient buildings — Roman, Celtic etc — tends to be a bit of a challenge. You have to consider the fact that the land has changed quite a lot over the centuries, with buildings popping up here and there, the topography changing dramatically, rising and falling like no one’s business, forests and cliffs being cut down or collapsing into the sea. Basically, the descriptions we have of sites in old ass texts can be a nightmare to match up to modern day locations. Some, like Chester and London, are easy. We kept building on them. It’s why there’s an amphitheatre in the middle of Chester and the Roman Wall. But in other parts of the country its a heck of a lot harder to locate and identify places. There’s this show called Time Team (or sth like that, it’s been a long long time) and they basically went around the UK digging up ancient sites that they tried to find through radar and aerial imagery etc etc. That requires a fair amount of planning and technology (aka the bane of field budgets everywhere). And even with those and all the nice little people digging away and the photographs and radar imagery, they still had issues figuring out the direction a building went in, which way the wall ran, if this was part of a house or not and so on. The heatwave and drought about to happen if it doesn’t frickin rain, is useful in that it allows us to see these sites without loads of planning and resources as they are today. We can identify places we’ve not been able to identify, locate sites we’ve wanted to locate for ages, because of the nifty little thing the dirt does when it gets hot and dry and like Satan’s breathing on everything. And that means that those sites can be logged down, and the modern topography won’t be such a bitch to try and figure out for locations because that heatwave has saved a lot of time and effort! Basically, don’t be surprised if in the next year or so, there are more reports and research papers about archaeological digsites in the UK from the Bronze Age or the Iron Age because this right here, this damned benighted hellish summer heat, will have been the cause of it all. Which makes me a little more tolerant of Satan and his dick ass breathing. This BBC article has a nice explanation on how exactly these marks form, as well. This so so cool @learnwelsh I am sure you have seen this, but just in case
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A modern day coffee shop cryptid: m4ge walk into starbucks and order a pumpkin spice latte with 13 shots of espresso. i tell the barista that i intend to transcend humanity and become a god. i ask for no whip cream avantgaye you say this jokingly but i had a customer actually order a pumpkin spice latte with 9 shots of espresso (also no whip) and when i asked her to verify that she did indeed want 9 shots of espresso she looked me dead in the eyes and saidi have 5 kids witchcraft-with-space-bean I once had a woman come in and ordered an Americano with 19 shots of espresso. The drink took ages. It held up the line. I asked her why, and she shrugged and said "I just don't care". We still talk about that woman. We never saw her again. anais-ninja-blog new cryptid: exhausted woman at starbucks katjohnadams Actual conversation Ihad at register: Hi, welcome to [StarbucksI What can I get you, today? How much is it to fill a Venti with Espresso? -I'm sorry? A venti cup. How much to fill it with Espresso? Oh. uh. Well, it'd be I supposeI only have a button for a Quad. I don't have special pricing for twenty ounces of espresso in a single... drink. Price is the furthest thing from my mind right now. How many 'add shots' is that?" deep breath of fear* "td be a quad with, "clears throat "uh, sixteen additional shots of espresso. But, ma'am, I should tell you that the shots will start to get really bitter if they have to sit and wait for us to pull twenty of them- Taste means nothing to me. At this point I am truly fearing for my very existence in the presence of what must clearly be an eldritch being Oh. Well, okay." put on my absolute best customer service smile to hide my terror and accept that I must face this dragon, fae, or demon with dignity. "We can certainly get that for you! The price will be She begins to pay, I shit thee not, with golden dollar coins. We are a block from Wall Street, and this eldritch demi-being is paying for an unholy elixer with golden coins. My life will end soon, I am sure of it Do you still have the Add Energy' packets?" My heart began to race at this request. "Yes ma am. How many can I add?" Futile though it is, at least I know the rote response to this. "For health reasons, we won't add more than one per drink and we cannot sell the packets individualy One then." I alter the order and tell her the new price. She pays, dumps the change and five golden dollars into the tip box. I write the order on the venti cup and pass it silently to the girl working the hot beverage station. Normally we called and pass, but this was..not something to be spoken aloud My fellow takes the cup, not thinking anything of the minor break with protocol, until she sees the order. She stares at me. "No." The woman, which I call her for no other greater insight into her territying being is within my grasp, simply stands on the other side and says, calmly but with a commanding tone lexpect of Admirals in bad movies, "Yes My fellow barista pales before her task. But we are dutiful, we are true to our task, great though it may be. She sets about clearing the two brand nevw Matrena's of all distraction, and sets two tall cups in the ready position. The energy packet is emptied into the venti cup, and the shots begin pouring The barista was damn near shaking. This woman's gaze felt like the tires of the sun. Finally, the shots are pulled, the cup is filled, and the hand off takes place Our visiting Incomprehensible takes it to our milk bar and adds a dollop of cream. Satisfied, she proceeds to down what must have been half the damn cup Then she smiled at us, like a benediction and I was honestly filled with joy. And horror. She left, and we knew nothing more of her after that. When I talk with other former employees, we quickly begin talking about The Company" as if we'd never I, perhaps knowing that part of our soul still powers that awesome and terrible corporate machine. And when I share this stroy, other Baristas at first act shocked but quickly settle and comes the chorus, "Yeah, I had one like that." smartassjen Okay, Starbucks lore is my new favorite genre of literature. Please collect all these and more into a book A modern day coffee shop cryptid
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Starbucks Lore: pancakeswithketchupmoonsan... Follow m4ge i walk into starbucks and order a pumpkin spice latte with 13 shots of espresso itell the barista that i intend to transcend humanity and become a god. i ask for no whip cream avantgaye you say this jokingly but i had a customer actually order a pumpkin spice latte with 9 shots of espresso (also no whip) and when i asked her to verify that she did indeed want 9 shots of espresso she looked me dead in the eyes and said i have 5 kids witchcraft-with-space-bean I once had a woman come in and ordered an Americano with 19 shots of espresso. The drink took ages. It held up the line. I asked her why, and she shrugged and said " just don't care". We still talk about that woman. We never saw her again anais-ninja-blog new cryptid: exhausted woman at starbucks katjohnadams Actual conversation I had at register: "Hi, welcome to [Starbucks! What can I get you, today? How much is it to fill a Venti with Espresso?" 1-I'm sorry? A venti cup. How much to fill it with Espresso? Oh. uh. Well, it'd be I suppose... I only have a button for a Quad. I don't have special pricing for twenty ounces of espresso in a single... drink." "Price is the furthest thing from my mind right now. How many 'add shots' is that? deep breath of fear* "t'd be a quad with," "clears throat uh, sixteen additional shots of espresso. But, ma'am, I should tell you that the shots will start to get really bitter if they have to sit and wait for us to pull twenty of them- Taste means nothing to me. At this point I am truly fearing for my very existence in the presence of what must clearly be an eldritch being Oh. Well, okay." put on my absolute best customer service smile to hide my terror and accept that I must face this dragon, fae, or demon with dignity. "We can certainly get that for you! The price will be She begins to pay, I shit thee not, with golden dollar coins. We are a block from Wall Street, and this eldritch demi-being is paying for an unholy elixer with golden coins. My life will end soon,I am sure of i. Do you still have the Add Energy' packets? My heart began to race at this request. Yes maam. How many can I add? Futile though it is, at least I know the rote response to this. "For health reasons, we won't add more than one per drink and we cannot sell the packets individually "One then. I alter the order and tell her the new price. She pays, dumps the change and five golden dollars into the tip box. I write the order on the venti cup and pass it silently to the girl working the hot beverage station. Normally we called and pass, but this was not something to be spoken aloud. My fellow takes the cup, not thinking anything of the minor break with protocol, until she sees the order She stares at me. "No." The woman, which I call her for no other greater insight into her terrifying being s within my grasp, simply stands on the other side and says, calmly but with a of Admirals in bad movies, "Yes. My fellow barista pales before her task. But we are dutful, we are true to our task, great though it may be. She sets about clearing the two brand new Matrena's of all distraction, and sets two tall cups in the ready position. The energy packet is emptied into the venti cup, and the shots begin pouring The barista was damn near shaking. This woman's gaze felt like the fires of the sun. Finally, the shots are pulled, the cup is filled, and the hand off takes place Our visiting Incomprehensible takes it to our milk bar and adds a dollop of cream. Satisfied, she proceeds to down what must have been half the damn cup Then she smiled at us, like a benediction and I was honestly filled with joy And horror. She left, and we knew nothing more of her after that When I talk with other former employees, we quickly begin talking about The Company" as if we'd never I, perhaps knowing that part of our soul still powers that awesome and terrible corporate machine. And when I share this stroy other Baristas at first act shocked but quickly settle and comes the chorus, "Yeah, Ihad one like that." smartassjen Okay, Starbucks lore is my new favorite genre of literature. Please collect all these and more into a book jennyboom21 So 5 shots isn't normal??? Source: m4ge 284,670 notes Starbucks Lore
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<p><a href="http://nerdygaylaura.tumblr.com/post/165628482791/supercorprise-gayacediscourse" class="tumblr_blog">nerdygaylaura</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="http://supercorprise.tumblr.com/post/165621652670/gayacediscourse-libertarirynn-you-are-not" class="tumblr_blog">supercorprise</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://gayacediscourse.tumblr.com/post/165609944544/libertarirynn-you-are-not-fucking-owed-any" class="tumblr_blog">gayacediscourse</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://libertarirynn.tumblr.com/post/165601142414/you-are-not-fucking-owed-any-fucking-information" class="tumblr_blog">libertarirynn</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>You are not fucking owed any fucking information on someone’s fucking sexuality you fucking freaks.</p></blockquote> <p>anyways kill huffpost kill the whole site</p> </blockquote> <p>Straight people: why do LGBT people always come out and tell everyone their sexuality? Nobody cares</p> <p>Also straight people: why won’t this celebrity just tell us what their sexuality is?</p> </blockquote> <p>I can kinda see both sides tbh, because yes it’s her decision but her coming out (if she is not straight) could help so many young LGBT people. I’m not saying she *has to* come out (if she isn’t straight) but if she did, it would be helpful. And if she *is* straight then what the heck is Cool For The Summer? Cause that song is hella not straight. </p><p>Again, not forcing her to come out. As an LGBT person myself, I know how hard coming out is. And I imagine it’s even harder if you’re coming out to the world. So I totally get why *if she isn’t straight* she wouldn’t want to come out so publicly. But *if she isn’t straight* and she DID feel like coming out, I am sure many members of the LGBT community, myself included, would appreciate it. </p></blockquote> <p>Cool for the Summer is mostly about bicuriousness. Also it&rsquo;s just a song and in no way a guarantee of her sexuality one way or another. </p><p>And you really aren&rsquo;t &ldquo;seeing both sides&rdquo; because this author is not politely suggesting that it would be helpful or nice for her to come out like you are. This author is actually saying it&rsquo;s bullshit that she&rsquo;s not coming out when and where they want her to, and that it makes her in some way personally responsible for the persecution of the LGBT community. And that is bullshit.</p>: HuffPost Queer Voices 22 hrs Like Page If the pop star is willing to be so open about other parts of her life, why not this? Demi Lovato's Reason For Refusing To Talk About Her Sexuality Is Total Bulls**t <p><a href="http://nerdygaylaura.tumblr.com/post/165628482791/supercorprise-gayacediscourse" class="tumblr_blog">nerdygaylaura</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="http://supercorprise.tumblr.com/post/165621652670/gayacediscourse-libertarirynn-you-are-not" class="tumblr_blog">supercorprise</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://gayacediscourse.tumblr.com/post/165609944544/libertarirynn-you-are-not-fucking-owed-any" class="tumblr_blog">gayacediscourse</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://libertarirynn.tumblr.com/post/165601142414/you-are-not-fucking-owed-any-fucking-information" class="tumblr_blog">libertarirynn</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>You are not fucking owed any fucking information on someone’s fucking sexuality you fucking freaks.</p></blockquote> <p>anyways kill huffpost kill the whole site</p> </blockquote> <p>Straight people: why do LGBT people always come out and tell everyone their sexuality? Nobody cares</p> <p>Also straight people: why won’t this celebrity just tell us what their sexuality is?</p> </blockquote> <p>I can kinda see both sides tbh, because yes it’s her decision but her coming out (if she is not straight) could help so many young LGBT people. I’m not saying she *has to* come out (if she isn’t straight) but if she did, it would be helpful. And if she *is* straight then what the heck is Cool For The Summer? Cause that song is hella not straight. </p><p>Again, not forcing her to come out. As an LGBT person myself, I know how hard coming out is. And I imagine it’s even harder if you’re coming out to the world. So I totally get why *if she isn’t straight* she wouldn’t want to come out so publicly. But *if she isn’t straight* and she DID feel like coming out, I am sure many members of the LGBT community, myself included, would appreciate it. </p></blockquote> <p>Cool for the Summer is mostly about bicuriousness. Also it&rsquo;s just a song and in no way a guarantee of her sexuality one way or another. </p><p>And you really aren&rsquo;t &ldquo;seeing both sides&rdquo; because this author is not politely suggesting that it would be helpful or nice for her to come out like you are. This author is actually saying it&rsquo;s bullshit that she&rsquo;s not coming out when and where they want her to, and that it makes her in some way personally responsible for the persecution of the LGBT community. And that is bullshit.</p>
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Lies parents told their kids: When I was little my Dad told me that toys grew under the weeds in the yard and if I pulled them, eventually a toy would pop out. And I believed it for a long time. Ahh, the memories. Lo Like Reply 68 August 14 at 1:10pm via mobile I convinced my little sister that if she pressed the "Diet" button on the top of her plastic McDonald's cup lid, it would actually change her soda to diet. Hahahah she cried every time I did it. Unlike Reply 106 August 14 at 1:10pm via mobile When my sister and I were little, we thought eucalyptus trees were actually called "you could lick this tree" so when we'd see them, we'd lick them. Like . Reply-Δ86 . August 14 at 1:10pm via mobile My dad, a 2-3 pot a day coffee drinker, had me convinced at age 7 that you had to be 16 to buy and drink coffee. My first time at Starbucks when I was 16 i was so nervous because I thought they would card me! Lol. Like Reply 456 August 14 at 1:40pm via mobile My kids are convinced that they have a long lost brother somewhere that I dropped off because he was too loud in the car. I am sure they will figure it out but for the time being our road trips are very quiet and peaceful. Like . Reply-222. August 14 at 1:28pm via mobile I've always been pretty fascinated with space. When I was a little girl, my dad would take his ladder and put it on our lawn every night, and bring me outside to tell me he put the moon up for me. I believed him for years. He passed away a few years ago, and every night when I see the moon I think of him. Like Reply 3115 August 14 at 3:14pm via mobile what-the-hells-going-on: amroyounes: Lies we tell our kids. Found this from the postsecret blog THEYRE ALL CUTE AND FUNNY UNTIL YOU GET TO THE LAST ONE AND THEN YOU ARE ASSAULTED BY FEELINGS Reinvented by Woahtumblr for iFunny :) ifunny.mobi Lies parents told their kids

Lies parents told their kids

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I'M SORRY! Ugh where do I even begin. As you guys are aware I hate rants and drama and all that jazz. So please bear with me as I rant. If you are unaware my name is mattias I've owned this account for over 3 years now and have experienced something not many people can say they have. My life on Instagram has made me make over 393,000 friends from across the world. I feel like I have let you guys down recently though. I have recently been running over 6 accounts on Instagram by myself and have been getting lazy with posting recently (I am sure you guys could tell). I have been posting far less than usual and honestly I feel the quality of my posts have gone down as well. I just wanted to take a second to apologize to you guys who actually care about what I post and miss me when I don't post normally. I'm so sorry I have been missing posts recently and am here to say I will start posting regularly again on ALL of my accounts. This is a promise for me to do better and I am sorry if I've let anyone down recently I am really trying my best 😭. Overall I love you guys so fricking much that I want to do better. You support me through everything and thanks to you we will hit 400k in no time at all. I LOVE MY ANIME FAMILY. You've changed my life 😭❤️: MINATO.OFFICIAL I'M SORRY! Ugh where do I even begin. As you guys are aware I hate rants and drama and all that jazz. So please bear with me as I rant. If you are unaware my name is mattias I've owned this account for over 3 years now and have experienced something not many people can say they have. My life on Instagram has made me make over 393,000 friends from across the world. I feel like I have let you guys down recently though. I have recently been running over 6 accounts on Instagram by myself and have been getting lazy with posting recently (I am sure you guys could tell). I have been posting far less than usual and honestly I feel the quality of my posts have gone down as well. I just wanted to take a second to apologize to you guys who actually care about what I post and miss me when I don't post normally. I'm so sorry I have been missing posts recently and am here to say I will start posting regularly again on ALL of my accounts. This is a promise for me to do better and I am sorry if I've let anyone down recently I am really trying my best 😭. Overall I love you guys so fricking much that I want to do better. You support me through everything and thanks to you we will hit 400k in no time at all. I LOVE MY ANIME FAMILY. You've changed my life 😭❤️

I'M SORRY! Ugh where do I even begin. As you guys are aware I hate rants and drama and all that jazz. So please bear with me as I rant. I...

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"I found myself desiring and knowing less and less, until I could say in utter astonishment: "I know nothing, I want nothing." Earlier I was sure of so many things, now I am sure of nothing. But I feel I have lost nothing by not knowing, because all my knowledge was false. My not knowing was in itself knowledge of the fact that all my knowledge is ignorance, that "I do not know" is the only true statement the mind can make....I do not claim to know what you do not. In fact, I know much less than you do...." - Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj 🙌🕉🍁🌿👽✨☯️🦋🗿💫☮️🕊☀️❤️ -------------------------- . Rp @awakeninghumanbeing 😊 Pic 📷 @jamesjcruz . . spirituality consciousness awakespiritual awakening: "I found myself desiring and knowing less and less, until I could say in utter astonishment: "I know nothing, I want nothing." Earlier I was sure of so many things, now I am sure of nothing. But I feel I have lost nothing by not knowing, because all my knowledge was false. My not knowing was in itself knowledge of the fact that all my knowledge is ignorance, that "I do not know" is the only true statement the mind can make....I do not claim to know what you do not. In fact, I know much less than you do...." - Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj 🙌🕉🍁🌿👽✨☯️🦋🗿💫☮️🕊☀️❤️ -------------------------- . Rp @awakeninghumanbeing 😊 Pic 📷 @jamesjcruz . . spirituality consciousness awakespiritual awakening

"I found myself desiring and knowing less and less, until I could say in utter astonishment: "I know nothing, I want nothing." Earlier I...

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