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People ask me “aye smash what’s your type? What do u like in a girl?” Simple - I ain’t got no type. Anyone who says I do is lyin 🦁. I mean obviously from the captions u can see that there are things I like (skretch marks...above the booty dimples...thunderous thighs 🤤 lemme stop before I get hot and bothered.) But that don’t mean I don’t like thin women. I love them too. Equally. Girl if u don’t bring ya bony lil sensual grasshopper lookin a$$ and sit on this lap ol stick figure a$$ lmao wyd tho hangman lookin a$$ u cute tho lol handful of toothpicks with good hair lookin a$$ baby stop crying I’m playin with u why u gotta punch me ol legend of the slenderman lookin a$$ baby...baby why u choking me...baby? I kinda like this keep going HAHAHAHA LEMME STOP. Anyway like I said I ain’t got no type. Thicky thicc or slenderwomanous u all splendiferous. And that’s how I feel about doggies. I ain’t got no type. I understand people like different things. I don’t even blame people who go to breeders like I got close friends that’s done it and I’m not about to lecture anybody - they want a certain retriever or husky good for them. I don’t like puppy mills in my heart but I don’t judge. But as for me bruv a ratty lil mix breed rescue dog with a high pitch bark that sound like a child aggressively coughing? With them lil ass legs that allow him or her to run 700 miles per hour bruv? I love a crazy lil rescue mutt bruv he beautiful to me. But most important YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL FOR ADOPTING HIM OR HER - U A HERO. NOT A SMALL HERO BUT A BIG HERO - BLESS U - U WONDERFUL 😍❤️ [Editor’s Note: The reference to choking was made in jest and was merely intended to create literary interest. The author is from the hood. Consequently, I have built-in danger sensors. Wrap your hands around my throat and squeeze and u gon catcheth this fade. It be the petite lil joints that always wanna scrap too - don’t none of u lil grasshoppers DM me like “let me choke u zaddy ☺️” Imma leave u on ‘Seent’ ON PRINCIPLE. BLESS YA TINY LIL A$$ UP 😂😂😂]: First night at home from the shelter. Reddit u/towntown1337 @DrSmashlove People ask me “aye smash what’s your type? What do u like in a girl?” Simple - I ain’t got no type. Anyone who says I do is lyin 🦁. I mean obviously from the captions u can see that there are things I like (skretch marks...above the booty dimples...thunderous thighs 🤤 lemme stop before I get hot and bothered.) But that don’t mean I don’t like thin women. I love them too. Equally. Girl if u don’t bring ya bony lil sensual grasshopper lookin a$$ and sit on this lap ol stick figure a$$ lmao wyd tho hangman lookin a$$ u cute tho lol handful of toothpicks with good hair lookin a$$ baby stop crying I’m playin with u why u gotta punch me ol legend of the slenderman lookin a$$ baby...baby why u choking me...baby? I kinda like this keep going HAHAHAHA LEMME STOP. Anyway like I said I ain’t got no type. Thicky thicc or slenderwomanous u all splendiferous. And that’s how I feel about doggies. I ain’t got no type. I understand people like different things. I don’t even blame people who go to breeders like I got close friends that’s done it and I’m not about to lecture anybody - they want a certain retriever or husky good for them. I don’t like puppy mills in my heart but I don’t judge. But as for me bruv a ratty lil mix breed rescue dog with a high pitch bark that sound like a child aggressively coughing? With them lil ass legs that allow him or her to run 700 miles per hour bruv? I love a crazy lil rescue mutt bruv he beautiful to me. But most important YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL FOR ADOPTING HIM OR HER - U A HERO. NOT A SMALL HERO BUT A BIG HERO - BLESS U - U WONDERFUL 😍❤️ [Editor’s Note: The reference to choking was made in jest and was merely intended to create literary interest. The author is from the hood. Consequently, I have built-in danger sensors. Wrap your hands around my throat and squeeze and u gon catcheth this fade. It be the petite lil joints that always wanna scrap too - don’t none of u lil grasshoppers DM me like “let me choke u zaddy ☺️” Imma leave u on ‘Seent’ ON PRINCIPLE. BLESS YA TINY LIL A$$ UP 😂😂😂]
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*TLC-themed open credits for my life begins to play* Hey, I'm Alden! I lost 30 pounds!...like 3 years ago. Now I've gained it all back and then some. I was like 185 pounds and now I'm 230. "Oh Alden, don't worry, a lot of it is probably because you've gotten taller or because you've gained muscle. NUH-UHTTER BUTTER. I've barely grown over an inch taller since my arguable glory days!! That's like the length of a grasshopper! AND WE ALL KNOW THOSE SPRY MOTHER FUCKERS DON'T WEIGH 45 POUNDS. AND WHERE DO YOU THINK I COULD'VE POSSIBLY FOUND EXTRA MUSCLE MASS BY NOT EXERCISING, DAAAAD?? GENETICS?!? I'D LAUGH IF MY NECKS WEREN'T CHOKING ME. I've been acting like my constant weight gain lately is fine because it's the winter season and that if I was at a healthy weight, I'd freeze to death or some shit. BUT YA KNOW WHAT?? I'M NOT GOING TO SUBMIT TO THIS "metabolism slows as you grow older" EXCUSE TO CONTINUE TO STAY ON MY HEAVYSET ASS. I'm putting my pudgy foot DOWN. I'M STARTING MY EXERCISES AGAIN. I'M GONNA START BUYING HEALTHY FOOD FOR MYSELF AGAIN. I'M GOIN FROM ANDY DWYER TO CHRIS PRATT BECAUSE I LOVE MYSELF AldenRants: awwww-cute: My older cat got sick of my kitten trying to play with him so he pinned him down and licked him until he fell asleep *TLC-themed open credits for my life begins to play* Hey, I'm Alden! I lost 30 pounds!...like 3 years ago. Now I've gained it all back and then some. I was like 185 pounds and now I'm 230. "Oh Alden, don't worry, a lot of it is probably because you've gotten taller or because you've gained muscle. NUH-UHTTER BUTTER. I've barely grown over an inch taller since my arguable glory days!! That's like the length of a grasshopper! AND WE ALL KNOW THOSE SPRY MOTHER FUCKERS DON'T WEIGH 45 POUNDS. AND WHERE DO YOU THINK I COULD'VE POSSIBLY FOUND EXTRA MUSCLE MASS BY NOT EXERCISING, DAAAAD?? GENETICS?!? I'D LAUGH IF MY NECKS WEREN'T CHOKING ME. I've been acting like my constant weight gain lately is fine because it's the winter season and that if I was at a healthy weight, I'd freeze to death or some shit. BUT YA KNOW WHAT?? I'M NOT GOING TO SUBMIT TO THIS "metabolism slows as you grow older" EXCUSE TO CONTINUE TO STAY ON MY HEAVYSET ASS. I'm putting my pudgy foot DOWN. I'M STARTING MY EXERCISES AGAIN. I'M GONNA START BUYING HEALTHY FOOD FOR MYSELF AGAIN. I'M GOIN FROM ANDY DWYER TO CHRIS PRATT BECAUSE I LOVE MYSELF AldenRants
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