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Children, Doctor, and Family: Celeste Wohl Pantsuit Nation 39 mins Talked to my husband about this being the time to share my story. He agreed it is time. In 1985 1 wasn't feeling well and the doctor did a battery of tests/ bloodwork. It turned out I was pregnant. I had always wanted a large family (8 kids). I had a two year old at home and had suffered miscarriages before she was born. I was sent to a specialist because it was felt there was something wrong. Off I went to the specialist; he was even a fertility doctor and surgeon Basically he said yes your pregnant, yes something is very wrong and We don't believe you and the baby will survive the pregnancy. The recommendation was an abortion. I was traumatized. One part of me thought if I had enough faith l should just risk it all and stay pregnant. Then there was the mental discussion of okay- so my choices are stay pregnant and possibly die and leave my daughter without a mother or stay pregnant and both the baby and I die or what if by some miracle the baby survived I could end up leaving two children motherless Thinking through scenarios was and is its own form of torture. Then one evening I looked into my 2 yr old daughter's eyes and she giggled at me and I knew the answer. How could l possibly consider not watching her grow up? How could I intentionally leave her without a mother. She had not asked to be brought into this world so abandoning her was not an option. I equate death with abandonment in this situatiorn I am from a religion that believes the soul enters the body with the first breath. It did not make my decision any easier. A part of me still felt like I was turning my back on G-d by not trvina to stav pregnant I had the abortion. The week before protestors had broken into the clinic rooms while the doctor and nurses were with patients, The protesters wreaked medical havoc. I honestly don't remember if they interrupted fertilization procedures or something else lt was terrifying going to the clinic. The abortions that were scheduled that day were insanely early in the morning and each patient had a special code word. I had to knock at a specified time. The other women there (all three of us) looked equally terrified During the abortion the doctor told me I had made the right decision because the baby had stopped developing. Once all the rest of the tests came back we found out why the baby was not developing. I had uterine cancer. To weeks later I had a hysterectomy to save my life. A few years ago, after sharing my story with a close friend and lay minister, she pointed something out to me I had never thought of. She told me that maybe G-d had sent the pregnancy(baby) to me to save my life. Without the pregnancy we never would have found the cancer Here is what I know. I have told this story maybe 1/2 a dozen times. The telling does not make it easier. Knowing that both the baby and I would have been dead doesn't make it any easie How much worse would the process have been if abortion was illegal? Anytime someone tells me no abortion under any circumstances I want to yell in their face they are advocating that my daughter grow up motherless My name is Celeste Wohl. This is my story. If it helps anyone please share it. As women we have inalienable rights and the right to be a person Il'm sorry about the typos but I'm not proofreading this it was hard enough to write
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Being Alone, Bones, and Complex: Ask Meme growling suggestion edition <p><a href="http://spctlessminds.tumblr.com/post/155987241443/based-on-this-suggestions-blog-warning-these" class="tumblr_blog">spctlessminds</a>:</p><blockquote> <blockquote><p><small>based on <a href="http://growling-suggestion.tumblr.com/">this</a> suggestions blog.  <b>warning: </b> these are pretty dark/angry  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  could be triggering to some people.  please be cautious before proceeding<b><i>!!</i></b></small></p></blockquote> <p><small>‘  all i want in my life is for my friends to be able to touch me suddenly  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  me to not flinch away without meaning to.  when will this stop affecting me<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  all i want is to be soft  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  gentle,  but i’m made out of steel  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  anger.  maybe in another life,  i guess.  ’<br/>‘  beauty is in the eye of the beholder,  so choose to see beauty in everything.  ’<br/>‘  burning it all to the ground  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  force them to start again.  they made you lose everything.  now return the favor.  ’<br/>‘  do i ever even cross your mind or do i do all the thinking of us on my own<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  do you trust me enough<b><i>?</i></b>  do you trust me at all<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  don’t you dare abandon me.  ’<br/>‘  even after all you have done,  i will always want you fighting on my side.  ’<br/>‘  every time i see you smile i fall in love with your brightness all over again.  ’<br/>‘  everyone i have ever loved is long gone.  i sing to the sky alone.  ’<br/>‘  everyone i touch gets hurt,  but i can’t stop.  i touch  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  i touch  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  i touch  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  people get hurt.  why can’t i ever stop<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  everyone says i used to be a hero,  but i can still taste the blood in my mouth  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  still feel bruises blooming because of my fists  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  my eyes are still stretched wide  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  terrified.  ’<br/>‘  everything i love has been taken from me.  what do i have left to fight for<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  fall in love with someone that makes you feel strong.  ’<br/>‘  friends are more important than any material object will ever be.  ’<br/>‘  i am aching to hold you  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  keep you safe,  to be pressed against you so that nothing can harm you.  ’<br/>‘  i am divine  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  you will bow before me.  ’<br/>‘  i am fucking divine.  ’<br/>‘  i am in control  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  i listen to no one.  ’<br/>‘  i am not a good person.  don’t pretend i am.  ’<br/>‘  i am not accustomed to love.  this is a learning experience.  ’<br/>‘  i am not worth saving  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  i am not worth redemption.  let me stay in the dark.  ’<br/>‘  i am so tired all the time,  all i want to do is rest.  ’<br/>‘  i am too tired to deal with any of this.  ’<br/>‘  i bow to no man.  ’<br/>‘  i broke into sharp pieces when i broke  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  i expect someone else to hurt their hands on my edges just to put me back together.  i’m sorry.  ’<br/>‘  i can give you your wings back  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  i can show you to fly once more,  if you only believe in me.  ’<br/>‘  i cannot be saved.  ’<br/>‘  i can’t ask for help because if i ask for help it hurts people.  i can bear this weight on my own.  i have to.  ’<br/>‘  i could taste the lies in your mouth every time i kissed you,  but i loved you too much to notice.  ’<br/>‘  i crave affection in the simplest way.  ’<br/>‘  i deserve to hurt.  i deserve to bleed.  ’<br/>‘  i didn’t ask for any of this so don’t you dare blame this on me.  ’<br/>‘  i don’t care if you say my name like it’s poison or like it’s a prayer,  as long as it leaves your lips.  ’<br/>‘  i don’t fight for you anymore.  ’<br/>‘  i don’t want to let go of you.  not now,  not ever.  ’<br/>‘  i don’t want to talk about it.  i don’t want to remember.  i don’t want to heal.  all i want is for it to go away.  ’<br/>‘  i don’t want you to touch me.  please don’t touch me,  just go away.  ’<br/>‘  i feel anger deeper than my bones.  i feel anger in my very soul.  ’<br/>‘  i feel nothing at all,  except for when i feel everything all at once.  ’<br/>‘  i have fallen  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  though i may miss the sky,  i belong here now.  ’<br/>‘  i have fallen from a height your mind cannot even imagine.  ’<br/>‘  i have no home anymore.  ’<br/>‘  i remember collapsing in the flames with a sword in my hand  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  then i remember nothing.  ’<br/>‘  i see beauty in everything,  but especially in you.  ’<br/>‘  i should never have fallen in love with you.  ’<br/>‘  i thought for a long time that i was so terrible no one would look at me.  now i know it’s because i shine so bright they are forced to look away.  ’<br/>‘  i was so caught up in the feeling that i forgot how to breathe.  ’<br/>‘  i will never amount to anything.  i am a failure in the worst type of way.  ’<br/>‘  i will tell myself that the burn of my loneliness in my chest completes me  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  maybe someday it will be true.  ’<br/>‘  if that’s what a hero is i’m glad i’m not one anymore.  ’<br/>‘  if you ask me to,  i will set the whole world on fire,  my dear.  it’s all for you.  ’<br/>‘  is it my fault<b><i>?</i></b>  it’s my fault.  it’s always my fault.  ’<br/>‘  it’s not murder if they deserved it,  right<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  i’m drowning in emotions that don’t belong to me,  choking on anger  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  suffocating on sadness.  ’<br/>‘  i’m in love with everything that hurts me.  ’<br/>‘  i’m okay.  i’m alright.  this is all in my mind.  ’<br/>‘  i’m ready to give up everything i’ve ever had if it means someone will love me.  ’<br/>‘  i’m so cold  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  i can’t stop shaking.  i am not who you think i am.  ’<br/>‘  i’m so tired all the time  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  i just want to be awake again.  ’<br/>‘  i’m tired of fighting against the pain of being forgotten.  i just want someone to remember me.  ’<br/>‘  i’m tired of fighting everything in my life.  just make it stop.  ’<br/>‘  i’m too tired to care.  blow up,  get angry at me.  i’m sure someday i’ll realize i deserved it.  ’<br/>‘  jealousy burns within me.  ’<br/>‘  just let me go in peace for once in my damn life.  ’<br/>‘  loneliness is a disease  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  it leaves me empty  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  hollow,  like sound goes through my body  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  bounces back.  ’<br/>‘  made of starlight  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  sunshine,  i shine brighter than they all know.  ’<br/>‘  my anger is righteous  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  my actions are pure.  ’<br/>‘  my chest aches  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  my lungs burn.  this sickness comes from the inside.  ’<br/>‘  my chest hurts  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  all i need is some comfort  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  understanding.  ’<br/>‘  my chest hurts  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  i ache to go back to the sky.  ’<br/>‘  my shoulders are aching where wings used to be  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  all i want is for them to stop hurting.  ’<br/>‘  pull me apart  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  piece me together in your own way.  make me perfect.  ’<br/>‘  righteous fury throws through my veins  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  if you touch the people i love i will destroy you.  ’<br/>‘  rise up.  you can’t keep being small when you were made for so much more.  ’<br/>‘  say my name like it’s the only one that’s ever been on your tongue.  ’<br/>‘  so much blood has been spilled in my name.  time to make you believe it was in yours.  ’<br/>‘  so you’ll worry about me when i fall silent,  but not when i scream  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  plead for help<b><i>?</i></b>  fuck off.  ’<br/>‘  sometimes people have to get hurt for me to get what i want.  ’<br/>‘  stay away from my fucking friends.  stay the fuck away or so help me i will destroy you.  ’<br/>‘  stop treating me like i’m an idiot.  you aren’t better than me in any way  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  you better remember that.  ’<br/>‘  the bitter taste of regret is ever present on my tongue.  ’<br/>‘  the world is spinning far too fast for me to stay on it.  ’<br/>‘  to love them is my divine right.  ’<br/>‘  voices whisper from the shadows  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  they fill my mind with thoughts of you.  ’<br/>‘  what did i to wrong to be so unloved<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  what is the point of power if i’m not supposed to use it<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  who the fuck do you think you are<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  why can’t i ever fucking stop crying<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  with a new year comes new tests  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  triumphs.  let’s try to make the most out of it.  ’<br/>‘  would it really kill you to be honest for once<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  yes,  i remember my wings breaking  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  being destroyed.  i was powerless to stop it.  ’<br/>‘  you are not required to love your parents,  or to even like them.  ’<br/>‘  you can’t hate me more than i hate myself,  but you are more than welcome to try.  ’<br/>‘  you may say you love me,  but you love only a part of me.  i am too complex for you to ever love my entire being.  ’<br/>‘  you never fucking cared about me.  don’t fucking lie about it.  not to me.  ’<br/>‘  you remind me of mint.  fresh,  sharp,  kind of cold,  but in a nice way.  i always knew there was a reason mint was my favorite.  ’<br/>‘  you shine light in even the darkest parts of me.  you are my sun.  ’<br/>‘  you should fear me,  but you don’t.  i will be eternally puzzled,  yet grateful.  ’<br/>‘  you touch me  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  my skin burns  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  it burns for you,  always you.  ’</small></p> </blockquote>
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Being Alone, Bones, and Complex: Ask Meme growling suggestion edition <p><a href="http://spctlessminds.tumblr.com/post/155987241443/based-on-this-suggestions-blog-warning-these" class="tumblr_blog">spctlessminds</a>:</p><blockquote> <blockquote><p><small>based on <a href="http://growling-suggestion.tumblr.com/">this</a> suggestions blog.  <b>warning: </b> these are pretty dark/angry  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  could be triggering to some people.  please be cautious before proceeding<b><i>!!</i></b></small></p></blockquote> <p><small>‘  all i want in my life is for my friends to be able to touch me suddenly  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  me to not flinch away without meaning to.  when will this stop affecting me<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  all i want is to be soft  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  gentle,  but i’m made out of steel  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  anger.  maybe in another life,  i guess.  ’<br/>‘  beauty is in the eye of the beholder,  so choose to see beauty in everything.  ’<br/>‘  burning it all to the ground  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  force them to start again.  they made you lose everything.  now return the favor.  ’<br/>‘  do i ever even cross your mind or do i do all the thinking of us on my own<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  do you trust me enough<b><i>?</i></b>  do you trust me at all<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  don’t you dare abandon me.  ’<br/>‘  even after all you have done,  i will always want you fighting on my side.  ’<br/>‘  every time i see you smile i fall in love with your brightness all over again.  ’<br/>‘  everyone i have ever loved is long gone.  i sing to the sky alone.  ’<br/>‘  everyone i touch gets hurt,  but i can’t stop.  i touch  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  i touch  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  i touch  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  people get hurt.  why can’t i ever stop<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  everyone says i used to be a hero,  but i can still taste the blood in my mouth  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  still feel bruises blooming because of my fists  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  my eyes are still stretched wide  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  terrified.  ’<br/>‘  everything i love has been taken from me.  what do i have left to fight for<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  fall in love with someone that makes you feel strong.  ’<br/>‘  friends are more important than any material object will ever be.  ’<br/>‘  i am aching to hold you  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  keep you safe,  to be pressed against you so that nothing can harm you.  ’<br/>‘  i am divine  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  you will bow before me.  ’<br/>‘  i am fucking divine.  ’<br/>‘  i am in control  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  i listen to no one.  ’<br/>‘  i am not a good person.  don’t pretend i am.  ’<br/>‘  i am not accustomed to love.  this is a learning experience.  ’<br/>‘  i am not worth saving  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  i am not worth redemption.  let me stay in the dark.  ’<br/>‘  i am so tired all the time,  all i want to do is rest.  ’<br/>‘  i am too tired to deal with any of this.  ’<br/>‘  i bow to no man.  ’<br/>‘  i broke into sharp pieces when i broke  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  i expect someone else to hurt their hands on my edges just to put me back together.  i’m sorry.  ’<br/>‘  i can give you your wings back  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  i can show you to fly once more,  if you only believe in me.  ’<br/>‘  i cannot be saved.  ’<br/>‘  i can’t ask for help because if i ask for help it hurts people.  i can bear this weight on my own.  i have to.  ’<br/>‘  i could taste the lies in your mouth every time i kissed you,  but i loved you too much to notice.  ’<br/>‘  i crave affection in the simplest way.  ’<br/>‘  i deserve to hurt.  i deserve to bleed.  ’<br/>‘  i didn’t ask for any of this so don’t you dare blame this on me.  ’<br/>‘  i don’t care if you say my name like it’s poison or like it’s a prayer,  as long as it leaves your lips.  ’<br/>‘  i don’t fight for you anymore.  ’<br/>‘  i don’t want to let go of you.  not now,  not ever.  ’<br/>‘  i don’t want to talk about it.  i don’t want to remember.  i don’t want to heal.  all i want is for it to go away.  ’<br/>‘  i don’t want you to touch me.  please don’t touch me,  just go away.  ’<br/>‘  i feel anger deeper than my bones.  i feel anger in my very soul.  ’<br/>‘  i feel nothing at all,  except for when i feel everything all at once.  ’<br/>‘  i have fallen  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  though i may miss the sky,  i belong here now.  ’<br/>‘  i have fallen from a height your mind cannot even imagine.  ’<br/>‘  i have no home anymore.  ’<br/>‘  i remember collapsing in the flames with a sword in my hand  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  then i remember nothing.  ’<br/>‘  i see beauty in everything,  but especially in you.  ’<br/>‘  i should never have fallen in love with you.  ’<br/>‘  i thought for a long time that i was so terrible no one would look at me.  now i know it’s because i shine so bright they are forced to look away.  ’<br/>‘  i was so caught up in the feeling that i forgot how to breathe.  ’<br/>‘  i will never amount to anything.  i am a failure in the worst type of way.  ’<br/>‘  i will tell myself that the burn of my loneliness in my chest completes me  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  maybe someday it will be true.  ’<br/>‘  if that’s what a hero is i’m glad i’m not one anymore.  ’<br/>‘  if you ask me to,  i will set the whole world on fire,  my dear.  it’s all for you.  ’<br/>‘  is it my fault<b><i>?</i></b>  it’s my fault.  it’s always my fault.  ’<br/>‘  it’s not murder if they deserved it,  right<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  i’m drowning in emotions that don’t belong to me,  choking on anger  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  suffocating on sadness.  ’<br/>‘  i’m in love with everything that hurts me.  ’<br/>‘  i’m okay.  i’m alright.  this is all in my mind.  ’<br/>‘  i’m ready to give up everything i’ve ever had if it means someone will love me.  ’<br/>‘  i’m so cold  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  i can’t stop shaking.  i am not who you think i am.  ’<br/>‘  i’m so tired all the time  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  i just want to be awake again.  ’<br/>‘  i’m tired of fighting against the pain of being forgotten.  i just want someone to remember me.  ’<br/>‘  i’m tired of fighting everything in my life.  just make it stop.  ’<br/>‘  i’m too tired to care.  blow up,  get angry at me.  i’m sure someday i’ll realize i deserved it.  ’<br/>‘  jealousy burns within me.  ’<br/>‘  just let me go in peace for once in my damn life.  ’<br/>‘  loneliness is a disease  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  it leaves me empty  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  hollow,  like sound goes through my body  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  bounces back.  ’<br/>‘  made of starlight  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  sunshine,  i shine brighter than they all know.  ’<br/>‘  my anger is righteous  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  my actions are pure.  ’<br/>‘  my chest aches  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  my lungs burn.  this sickness comes from the inside.  ’<br/>‘  my chest hurts  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  all i need is some comfort  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  understanding.  ’<br/>‘  my chest hurts  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  i ache to go back to the sky.  ’<br/>‘  my shoulders are aching where wings used to be  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  all i want is for them to stop hurting.  ’<br/>‘  pull me apart  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  piece me together in your own way.  make me perfect.  ’<br/>‘  righteous fury throws through my veins  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  if you touch the people i love i will destroy you.  ’<br/>‘  rise up.  you can’t keep being small when you were made for so much more.  ’<br/>‘  say my name like it’s the only one that’s ever been on your tongue.  ’<br/>‘  so much blood has been spilled in my name.  time to make you believe it was in yours.  ’<br/>‘  so you’ll worry about me when i fall silent,  but not when i scream  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  plead for help<b><i>?</i></b>  fuck off.  ’<br/>‘  sometimes people have to get hurt for me to get what i want.  ’<br/>‘  stay away from my fucking friends.  stay the fuck away or so help me i will destroy you.  ’<br/>‘  stop treating me like i’m an idiot.  you aren’t better than me in any way  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  you better remember that.  ’<br/>‘  the bitter taste of regret is ever present on my tongue.  ’<br/>‘  the world is spinning far too fast for me to stay on it.  ’<br/>‘  to love them is my divine right.  ’<br/>‘  voices whisper from the shadows  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  they fill my mind with thoughts of you.  ’<br/>‘  what did i to wrong to be so unloved<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  what is the point of power if i’m not supposed to use it<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  who the fuck do you think you are<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  why can’t i ever fucking stop crying<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  with a new year comes new tests  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  triumphs.  let’s try to make the most out of it.  ’<br/>‘  would it really kill you to be honest for once<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  yes,  i remember my wings breaking  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  being destroyed.  i was powerless to stop it.  ’<br/>‘  you are not required to love your parents,  or to even like them.  ’<br/>‘  you can’t hate me more than i hate myself,  but you are more than welcome to try.  ’<br/>‘  you may say you love me,  but you love only a part of me.  i am too complex for you to ever love my entire being.  ’<br/>‘  you never fucking cared about me.  don’t fucking lie about it.  not to me.  ’<br/>‘  you remind me of mint.  fresh,  sharp,  kind of cold,  but in a nice way.  i always knew there was a reason mint was my favorite.  ’<br/>‘  you shine light in even the darkest parts of me.  you are my sun.  ’<br/>‘  you should fear me,  but you don’t.  i will be eternally puzzled,  yet grateful.  ’<br/>‘  you touch me  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  my skin burns  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  it burns for you,  always you.  ’</small></p> </blockquote>
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Being Alone, Bones, and Complex: Ask Meme growling suggestion edition <p><a href="http://spctlessminds.tumblr.com/post/155987241443/based-on-this-suggestions-blog-warning-these" class="tumblr_blog">spctlessminds</a>:</p><blockquote> <blockquote><p><small>based on <a href="http://growling-suggestion.tumblr.com/">this</a> suggestions blog.  <b>warning: </b> these are pretty dark/angry  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  could be triggering to some people.  please be cautious before proceeding<b><i>!!</i></b></small></p></blockquote> <p><small>‘  all i want in my life is for my friends to be able to touch me suddenly  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  me to not flinch away without meaning to.  when will this stop affecting me<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  all i want is to be soft  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  gentle,  but i’m made out of steel  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  anger.  maybe in another life,  i guess.  ’<br/>‘  beauty is in the eye of the beholder,  so choose to see beauty in everything.  ’<br/>‘  burning it all to the ground  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  force them to start again.  they made you lose everything.  now return the favor.  ’<br/>‘  do i ever even cross your mind or do i do all the thinking of us on my own<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  do you trust me enough<b><i>?</i></b>  do you trust me at all<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  don’t you dare abandon me.  ’<br/>‘  even after all you have done,  i will always want you fighting on my side.  ’<br/>‘  every time i see you smile i fall in love with your brightness all over again.  ’<br/>‘  everyone i have ever loved is long gone.  i sing to the sky alone.  ’<br/>‘  everyone i touch gets hurt,  but i can’t stop.  i touch  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  i touch  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  i touch  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  people get hurt.  why can’t i ever stop<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  everyone says i used to be a hero,  but i can still taste the blood in my mouth  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  still feel bruises blooming because of my fists  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  my eyes are still stretched wide  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  terrified.  ’<br/>‘  everything i love has been taken from me.  what do i have left to fight for<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  fall in love with someone that makes you feel strong.  ’<br/>‘  friends are more important than any material object will ever be.  ’<br/>‘  i am aching to hold you  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  keep you safe,  to be pressed against you so that nothing can harm you.  ’<br/>‘  i am divine  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  you will bow before me.  ’<br/>‘  i am fucking divine.  ’<br/>‘  i am in control  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  i listen to no one.  ’<br/>‘  i am not a good person.  don’t pretend i am.  ’<br/>‘  i am not accustomed to love.  this is a learning experience.  ’<br/>‘  i am not worth saving  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  i am not worth redemption.  let me stay in the dark.  ’<br/>‘  i am so tired all the time,  all i want to do is rest.  ’<br/>‘  i am too tired to deal with any of this.  ’<br/>‘  i bow to no man.  ’<br/>‘  i broke into sharp pieces when i broke  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  i expect someone else to hurt their hands on my edges just to put me back together.  i’m sorry.  ’<br/>‘  i can give you your wings back  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  i can show you to fly once more,  if you only believe in me.  ’<br/>‘  i cannot be saved.  ’<br/>‘  i can’t ask for help because if i ask for help it hurts people.  i can bear this weight on my own.  i have to.  ’<br/>‘  i could taste the lies in your mouth every time i kissed you,  but i loved you too much to notice.  ’<br/>‘  i crave affection in the simplest way.  ’<br/>‘  i deserve to hurt.  i deserve to bleed.  ’<br/>‘  i didn’t ask for any of this so don’t you dare blame this on me.  ’<br/>‘  i don’t care if you say my name like it’s poison or like it’s a prayer,  as long as it leaves your lips.  ’<br/>‘  i don’t fight for you anymore.  ’<br/>‘  i don’t want to let go of you.  not now,  not ever.  ’<br/>‘  i don’t want to talk about it.  i don’t want to remember.  i don’t want to heal.  all i want is for it to go away.  ’<br/>‘  i don’t want you to touch me.  please don’t touch me,  just go away.  ’<br/>‘  i feel anger deeper than my bones.  i feel anger in my very soul.  ’<br/>‘  i feel nothing at all,  except for when i feel everything all at once.  ’<br/>‘  i have fallen  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  though i may miss the sky,  i belong here now.  ’<br/>‘  i have fallen from a height your mind cannot even imagine.  ’<br/>‘  i have no home anymore.  ’<br/>‘  i remember collapsing in the flames with a sword in my hand  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  then i remember nothing.  ’<br/>‘  i see beauty in everything,  but especially in you.  ’<br/>‘  i should never have fallen in love with you.  ’<br/>‘  i thought for a long time that i was so terrible no one would look at me.  now i know it’s because i shine so bright they are forced to look away.  ’<br/>‘  i was so caught up in the feeling that i forgot how to breathe.  ’<br/>‘  i will never amount to anything.  i am a failure in the worst type of way.  ’<br/>‘  i will tell myself that the burn of my loneliness in my chest completes me  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  maybe someday it will be true.  ’<br/>‘  if that’s what a hero is i’m glad i’m not one anymore.  ’<br/>‘  if you ask me to,  i will set the whole world on fire,  my dear.  it’s all for you.  ’<br/>‘  is it my fault<b><i>?</i></b>  it’s my fault.  it’s always my fault.  ’<br/>‘  it’s not murder if they deserved it,  right<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  i’m drowning in emotions that don’t belong to me,  choking on anger  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  suffocating on sadness.  ’<br/>‘  i’m in love with everything that hurts me.  ’<br/>‘  i’m okay.  i’m alright.  this is all in my mind.  ’<br/>‘  i’m ready to give up everything i’ve ever had if it means someone will love me.  ’<br/>‘  i’m so cold  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  i can’t stop shaking.  i am not who you think i am.  ’<br/>‘  i’m so tired all the time  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  i just want to be awake again.  ’<br/>‘  i’m tired of fighting against the pain of being forgotten.  i just want someone to remember me.  ’<br/>‘  i’m tired of fighting everything in my life.  just make it stop.  ’<br/>‘  i’m too tired to care.  blow up,  get angry at me.  i’m sure someday i’ll realize i deserved it.  ’<br/>‘  jealousy burns within me.  ’<br/>‘  just let me go in peace for once in my damn life.  ’<br/>‘  loneliness is a disease  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  it leaves me empty  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  hollow,  like sound goes through my body  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  bounces back.  ’<br/>‘  made of starlight  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  sunshine,  i shine brighter than they all know.  ’<br/>‘  my anger is righteous  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  my actions are pure.  ’<br/>‘  my chest aches  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  my lungs burn.  this sickness comes from the inside.  ’<br/>‘  my chest hurts  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  all i need is some comfort  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  understanding.  ’<br/>‘  my chest hurts  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  i ache to go back to the sky.  ’<br/>‘  my shoulders are aching where wings used to be  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  all i want is for them to stop hurting.  ’<br/>‘  pull me apart  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  piece me together in your own way.  make me perfect.  ’<br/>‘  righteous fury throws through my veins  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  if you touch the people i love i will destroy you.  ’<br/>‘  rise up.  you can’t keep being small when you were made for so much more.  ’<br/>‘  say my name like it’s the only one that’s ever been on your tongue.  ’<br/>‘  so much blood has been spilled in my name.  time to make you believe it was in yours.  ’<br/>‘  so you’ll worry about me when i fall silent,  but not when i scream  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  plead for help<b><i>?</i></b>  fuck off.  ’<br/>‘  sometimes people have to get hurt for me to get what i want.  ’<br/>‘  stay away from my fucking friends.  stay the fuck away or so help me i will destroy you.  ’<br/>‘  stop treating me like i’m an idiot.  you aren’t better than me in any way  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  you better remember that.  ’<br/>‘  the bitter taste of regret is ever present on my tongue.  ’<br/>‘  the world is spinning far too fast for me to stay on it.  ’<br/>‘  to love them is my divine right.  ’<br/>‘  voices whisper from the shadows  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  they fill my mind with thoughts of you.  ’<br/>‘  what did i to wrong to be so unloved<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  what is the point of power if i’m not supposed to use it<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  who the fuck do you think you are<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  why can’t i ever fucking stop crying<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  with a new year comes new tests  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  triumphs.  let’s try to make the most out of it.  ’<br/>‘  would it really kill you to be honest for once<b><i>?</i></b>  ’<br/>‘  yes,  i remember my wings breaking  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  being destroyed.  i was powerless to stop it.  ’<br/>‘  you are not required to love your parents,  or to even like them.  ’<br/>‘  you can’t hate me more than i hate myself,  but you are more than welcome to try.  ’<br/>‘  you may say you love me,  but you love only a part of me.  i am too complex for you to ever love my entire being.  ’<br/>‘  you never fucking cared about me.  don’t fucking lie about it.  not to me.  ’<br/>‘  you remind me of mint.  fresh,  sharp,  kind of cold,  but in a nice way.  i always knew there was a reason mint was my favorite.  ’<br/>‘  you shine light in even the darkest parts of me.  you are my sun.  ’<br/>‘  you should fear me,  but you don’t.  i will be eternally puzzled,  yet grateful.  ’<br/>‘  you touch me  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  my skin burns  <b><i>&amp;</i></b>  it burns for you,  always you.  ’</small></p> </blockquote>
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