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Af, Amazon, and Anaconda: He had cancer as a puppy and wasnt supposed to make it past 1. Now 13 years later and look at us.. Ladies and gents lemme hit with another secret Smash health hack: beet juice. The benefits of this glorious, red nectar of the heavens are legion, and I scarcely have the space to outline them all here, but let me try: (1) lowers blood pressure, (2) detoxes (ladies the summer is short and y'all already done did a number on yo liver), (3) tightens skin and prevents premature aging, (4) boosts energy, (5) has natural sexual performance enhancing qualities basically this shit is Viagra juice 😍, (6) helps digestion. Lemme pause on this one bruh. U gon drink this tall glass of beet juice and u gon see sights, u never thought u see before unless u was DYING. Sit down. Handle yo bidness. Look down. Y'all ever seen the movie The Hunt for Red October? Y'all ever seen them Yeezy sneakers, the Red October? Finna be Red Motherfuckin October in June on yo ass after that beet juice. U gon think u dying. U gon think yo kidney bleeding. U gon think u got a STD (ain't that some shit? Anything happens heath-wise and u just like "I KNOW I SHOULDN'T HAVE TRUSTED MIKE WHEN HE SAID HE GOT TESTED FUCK I'M SO STUPID 😫" πŸ˜‚). Nah baby u ain't bleeding from yo pancreas. That's that beet juice working. Cleansing. Making up for yo sins. U feel me? Don't fear - just let the magic happen πŸ€—. Now then. Where to get it? Unfortunately I only have a hack for the city of Chicago - Walgreens on State Street (yes, Walgreens - random AF πŸ˜‚). They got the super duper hook up. The lady behind the counter friendly AF and don't wanna be there. She will juice whatever TF u ask her to if u nice. Most juice spots load their juice with fillers like apple juice but nah, if u ask her to feed 50 beets thru the juicer she gon do it. And then I ask her to add a lil kiwi for sweetness. Bam. If u in Chicago, there's your hook up (and if u see a sexy young man in a suit waiting on his beet juice well hello to u too, nice to meet u, I'm smash πŸ€—πŸ˜‚). If u don't live in Chicago, u could cop a juicer off amazon for between 100-200 or make friends with the person at your local juice spot and ask them for the off-menu hook up - all beets and a lil fruit for sweetness. Ya get me! Bless up! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
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