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Bad, Beer, and Butt: yveinthesky: earthgirl2788: neveratrest: gallusrostromegalus: allthingshyper: gallusrostromegalus: soup-that-is-2-hot: everything-is-stickers: brummbart: Wasserspeier am Freiburger Münster WINTER IS A BAD TIME. What it feels like to chew 5 Gum IT’S MY FAVORITE GARGOYLE BACK AGAIN FOR WINTERTIME. I want to know the exact conversation that lead to the creation of this abomination Ye olde German architect: “ok, it’s time to put in the rainspouts and last night I was out with the lads and Hans had too much and the point is I had the FUNNIEST idea…” *Holds up drawing* Ye olde German Architect Supervisor: * snorts beer out of his nose.* “YES. BUILD IT IMMEDIATELY.” That’s gussy babe Sooooo I just came back from studying in Freiburg and went on a tour of the Münster with a historian who knew all of the insider secrets and the story is even better than you think.  It took more than 300 years to build the Freiburger Münster (1200s-1500s), so they went through a lot of architects and people who paid those architects. Some of the patrons were dicks and one of those dicks lived in a house right next to the Münster. The asshat kept demanding they work faster and changed his mind every five hours about what he wanted and THEN he refused to pay the architects because he wasn’t happy with what they’d done.  That really pissed the builders off so in retaliation, the head architect built the butt gargoyle facing his house so that every morning for the rest of his life, when the dick looked out his window at the Münster, he’d have to look at a gargoyle butt. So, the defecating gargoyle is a big fat “fuck you” to someone’s dick of a boss that has survived 500 years and two world wars  *standing ovation*
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Memes, Tablet, and Twins: HH NEW Ford has revealed the ST version of the new Fiesta, and it's packing a 197bhp 1.5-litre inline-three cylinder engine Via @carthrottlenews - Let’s get the big piece of news out of the way: As was first rumoured a little while ago, the ST has indeed dropped a cylinder and a little bit of displacement, switching to a 1.5-litre three-pot. - It’s presumably derived from the existing 1.5-litre Ecoboost unit, although Ford describes it as an “all-new” engine. It’s been given a new turbocharger with an “optimised” turbine design to reduce lag, plus “Twin-independent Variable Cam Timing. It’s good for 197bhp, and 214lb ft of torque. - Both of those figures are the same as what the outgoing car achieved when its ‘overboost’ function kicked in. The new car will do 0-62mph in an “anticipated’ 6.7 seconds, although there’s no word on top speed just yet. There isn’t an MPG figure available right now either, but Ford is expecting CO2 emissions of around 114g-km. - The car gets a torque vectoring by braking system just like the old one, plus three driving modes. The ‘Normal’, ‘Sport’ and ‘Track’ modes each alter the steering, throttle response and traction-stability controls to varying degrees. Stick it in ‘Track’ mode and the traction control goes entirely, with the ESP set to ‘wide slip’ mode. Or if you’d prefer, you can switch off ESP completely. - On the inside it’s a sportified version of the Fiesta cabin we’ve already seen, which means a far plusher space than we’ve been used to seeing from Ford’s ubiquitous supermini. - The ‘Sync 3’ system is present on a floating tablet-style setup, which should prove to be much less frustrating than the clunky old infotainment, and keeping your back and buttocks very happy will be a pair of Recaro bucket seats. - In the cabin you’ll also be - I’m afraid to say - treated to some ‘Electronic Sound Enhancement’, but this does at least work in tandem with an active exhaust valve. - Want one? You’ll be waiting for a little while I’m afraid, with Ford gunning for an early 2018 launch for the car in both three and five-door forms. The outgoing ST was - and probably still is - pound-for-pound the best new performance car around, so this new one should be worth the wait.
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Memes, 🤖, and Arch: NEWS Audi ha revealed a facelifted RS3, packing the updated 2.5-litre inline-five fromthe RS3 Saloon and TT RS Via @carthrottlenews - Audi’s stonkingly fast RS3 quietly went out of production part way through last year, but now it’s back with a (slightly) new face and a new heart. - The ‘heart’ in question is the overhauled 2.5-litre, turbocharged inline-five first seen in the TT RS and the incoming RS3 saloon, putting out 395bhp and 354lb ft - an increase of 33bhp and 11lb ft when compared to the old car. - It’s a lighter engine, shedding 33kg over the old unit thanks to an aluminium crankcase, among other things. There’s a new dual injection system too, plus a valvelift feature “for moderate fuel consumption at low and partial load as well as more spontaneous throttle response and a high level of tractive power at full load.” Lovely. - With its newfound power, the four-wheel drive RS3 Sportback will hit 62mph from rest in just 4.1 seconds - 0.1sec quicker than a Mercedes-AMG A45 and bang on the time of the RS3 saloon. The top speed mirrors the saloon too: it’s the usual 155mph electronic limiter, which can be bumped up to 174mph should you tick the right option box. - Compared to a boggo A3 Sportback the suspension is 25mm lower, with the track by 20mm at the front and the wheel arches flared to suit. The brake discs are 370mm whoppers at the front with eight piston callipers, with 310mm rotors squeezed by monoblock callipers at the rear. If you want posh carbon ceramics rotors, those are optional. - On the inside, you might notice the presence of Audi’s virtual cockpit system, which found its way into the rest of the A3 range last year. You might also notice the automatic gear selector: sorry guys, like the last RS3, it’s powered by a seven-speed ‘S Tronic’ dual-clutch transmission only. - The car will make its public debut at the Geneva Motor Show next month.

Via @carthrottlenews - Audi’s stonkingly fast RS3 quietly went out of production part way through last year, but now it’s back with a (sligh...

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