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themetaisawesome: tsunasty: deafonyourleft: totallytrailbreaker: skellydun: rip santa. Working in Retail in under 3 minutes i had to watch this like 5 times because of no captions but lmao if someone makes a transcript for this it would be bomb transcript:“So we have these Santas at work, right, okay? We have black and we have white Santas. And they’re like creepy, five-foot tall, lifelike animatronic… like, Santas that hold plates of cookies and milk, and they kinda look like they could wake up and come to life and murder you in your sleep– and they don’t include batteries, but we have these Santas. Like nothing screams ‘festive holiday cheer’ like a big, hulking Santa. Um. Nothin’ will jingle your jangles more.So, um, this woman comes in and she’s like, “Do you have these?” and I’m like, “Oh my god, yeah!” So a couple weeks ago we sold out of our white Santas, and we are down to like, three black Santas. And so, I take her to the aisle, I show her the Santas, and the first thing out of her mouth is, “I’m not racist, but…” and I’m like, well, I can’t– I’m not in the position to decide if you are or not, but if like– if I could use context clues and infer, uh, I would say maybe that you might be. And three, we’re talking about Santa. Like– (stuttering) did we switch subjects?And so, um, I’m in like, I– the next thing that pops out of her mouth is like, “This is not right.” and I’m like, okay, I’m sorry, but this is what the picture was. And she’s like, “No. Santa is white.” And I’m like, oh no, okay. Okay. So I’m in– I’m about to tell her, I’m like, mid-sentence, like, “I’m sorry, do you want me to go call another store, do you need me to, like, write you a raincheck just in case we we get any more.” And she’s like, “This is wrong, I want them taken down.” She interrupts me, says that, and I’m like, (pause). I like, look around, and I’m like, is she talking to me? Is this, like, my own, like, personal hell? But like, of course it is.So, um, I’m like, “I can’t take these Santas down.” And she’s like, “Why not?!” And I’m like, “You either have to buy them, or take them down yourself.” And that was like, the stupidest thing I could have ever said, because– (sighs) she takes this bag, with like, Jesus’s face, like, slammed right in the middle as a design– it’s big– she takes it off her shoulder, and starts beating these black Santas! She starts beating these Santas down, they were like, falling down… and I’m like, oh my god! What– what is happening?So like, I step in the middle of her and these Santas and I’m like, “Ma’am, ma’am, you need to leave, you need to stop, or I’m going to have to call someone.” So she like, stops, and she’s like, beet red, and like, huffin’ and puffin’, and she like, looks at me and I can tell she’s just trying to get like, a one-liner in, and she’s like, “The Santa I know is white.” And then she walks away. And I’m like, well– I’m processing what’s happening, while also thinking, like, the Santa you know? Santa’s not real. So unless you’re using an ouija board to contact good old Kris Kringle, um, from like, B.C. or whenever, I’m like, that’s pretty impressive, but how ya doin’ that. And, um, I– the last thought that ran through my mind is that, I’m like, I would hate to be in the room with her when she finds out that Jesus is not white.” ‘‘Tis the season : themetaisawesome: tsunasty: deafonyourleft: totallytrailbreaker: skellydun: rip santa. Working in Retail in under 3 minutes i had to watch this like 5 times because of no captions but lmao if someone makes a transcript for this it would be bomb transcript:“So we have these Santas at work, right, okay? We have black and we have white Santas. And they’re like creepy, five-foot tall, lifelike animatronic… like, Santas that hold plates of cookies and milk, and they kinda look like they could wake up and come to life and murder you in your sleep– and they don’t include batteries, but we have these Santas. Like nothing screams ‘festive holiday cheer’ like a big, hulking Santa. Um. Nothin’ will jingle your jangles more.So, um, this woman comes in and she’s like, “Do you have these?” and I’m like, “Oh my god, yeah!” So a couple weeks ago we sold out of our white Santas, and we are down to like, three black Santas. And so, I take her to the aisle, I show her the Santas, and the first thing out of her mouth is, “I’m not racist, but…” and I’m like, well, I can’t– I’m not in the position to decide if you are or not, but if like– if I could use context clues and infer, uh, I would say maybe that you might be. And three, we’re talking about Santa. Like– (stuttering) did we switch subjects?And so, um, I’m in like, I– the next thing that pops out of her mouth is like, “This is not right.” and I’m like, okay, I’m sorry, but this is what the picture was. And she’s like, “No. Santa is white.” And I’m like, oh no, okay. Okay. So I’m in– I’m about to tell her, I’m like, mid-sentence, like, “I’m sorry, do you want me to go call another store, do you need me to, like, write you a raincheck just in case we we get any more.” And she’s like, “This is wrong, I want them taken down.” She interrupts me, says that, and I’m like, (pause). I like, look around, and I’m like, is she talking to me? Is this, like, my own, like, personal hell? But like, of course it is.So, um, I’m like, “I can’t take these Santas down.” And she’s like, “Why not?!” And I’m like, “You either have to buy them, or take them down yourself.” And that was like, the stupidest thing I could have ever said, because– (sighs) she takes this bag, with like, Jesus’s face, like, slammed right in the middle as a design– it’s big– she takes it off her shoulder, and starts beating these black Santas! She starts beating these Santas down, they were like, falling down… and I’m like, oh my god! What– what is happening?So like, I step in the middle of her and these Santas and I’m like, “Ma’am, ma’am, you need to leave, you need to stop, or I’m going to have to call someone.” So she like, stops, and she’s like, beet red, and like, huffin’ and puffin’, and she like, looks at me and I can tell she’s just trying to get like, a one-liner in, and she’s like, “The Santa I know is white.” And then she walks away. And I’m like, well– I’m processing what’s happening, while also thinking, like, the Santa you know? Santa’s not real. So unless you’re using an ouija board to contact good old Kris Kringle, um, from like, B.C. or whenever, I’m like, that’s pretty impressive, but how ya doin’ that. And, um, I– the last thought that ran through my mind is that, I’m like, I would hate to be in the room with her when she finds out that Jesus is not white.” ‘‘Tis the season
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My cousin recently adopted, and she posted this today. I love her so much and she is such an amazing, caring, patient mother 3 : My child never ceases to take my breath away. Today when the neighbors brought her home she threw a big fit bc she didn't want them to go, she loves them! She sat in the yard kicking/crying/having a 2yr old meltdown at age 6.5 . She proceeded to the kitchen threw her dinner in the floor and marched right out the back door and started screaming. So I handed her a toddlers plastic bat and told her to wack away at anything that was not alive until she was done being mad. So she did. She beet on the fence post, the play house, the dog house, the pool, the ground and threw the bat around while growling and screaming for about 17 minuets. Then proceeded to the front yard. The finishing touch was smashing pumpkins, our final count was three before she sat down and cried. I had put the babies in bed and sat down beside her. She said "They left me." my first thought was the neighbors, but her next words sent my own tears spilling out. "Do you think my family cares about me anymore mom?" scooped up my baby, held her and cried and told her we could go buy some more pumpkins and smash as many as we needed to. #fostertoadoptchangesl ives My cousin recently adopted, and she posted this today. I love her so much and she is such an amazing, caring, patient mother 3 

My cousin recently adopted, and she posted this today. I love her so much and she is such an amazing, caring, patient mother 3 

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Kayla vs the Spanish Teacher: who wants to hear the in my spanish 2 class horrible spanish teacher ao thane's this girl in my apanish 2 class. well cal my teacher miss irving miss irving hates when people dont just listen to her ma am she said to miss irving. iwas at miss irving looked up at kayla and asked for a pass. kayla didn't have one, but she sald viait. miss ining refused to do so and gave put on chapstick or began to eat in class and miss irving began to yell, kayls reed a miss inving would snap at her. slowly, kayla the last straw for her was when she asked miss irving to go to tha counselor during well, then fll give you more work to do at that word, all of the heads in the clasroom aay no to miss irving. but kaylia had fre in her voice, and was now standing up and it. i have issues that i need to take care of that youre supposed to care about s, it's your job problems. and there are times iI need to eat in class or ineed to go to the counselors office because of it, so could you just get off of my miss irving turned beet red and sent her to what followed ws5 battle between the two teachers and asked them to take her aide, bun the other teachers said shey didnt ever hawe kayla went to talk to the principal about the situstion and told her what was going on the lost her teacher of the year awand for that year ahe also received a sarike on har teach miss irving still teaches our class and we still hide her hatred for kayla at all. she expresses it fully to her other classes and most of those but my dlass and i love kayla. because kaylia has a newfound powe, and she doesnt take it for granted. instead, she uses it to help us. and this matters so much to me because, one listen more closely to the teachers lesson, so having tests every class period and it became miss irving started taking poins off for every doodle i made and i mean A LOT of points, and i got an 80 instead of a 100. when itried to explain that it was for my ankiety, she didn't dooding when she started to yell at me for it she came over to my desk and led me through mne my doodle of half a face looked really good, asked me how lang I'd been taking art doing their job, and you can stand up for Kayla vs the Spanish Teacher

Kayla vs the Spanish Teacher

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omfg 😂😂 me on tinder: @caro_bearo yesterday i convinced a boy that i am a beet farmer by using quotes from the office Noto Nate Note lot gosh I love it* You really like beets? Yeah it's realy fun! First rule in roadside beet salos, put the most attractive beets on top, The ones that make you pull the car over and go, 'Wow, I need this beet right now.Those are the money boets. lovet yop That's cool 3201,123 Interesting You know what they say, those who can't farm, farm celery My grandfather left mo a 60-acre Working beet farm. Trun it with my cousin Moso. We sell beets to the local stores and restaurants I don't farm but love nature. My family built a cabin 50 years agc no electricity. It's beautiful we own about 75 acres tlove it 132011 12 Pu That's cool 13, 2012, That's really cool 60 acre that's a lot gosh Igrow up on a farm.1 have seen animals having sexin every position imaginable. Goat on chicken Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doing a goat, couple of pigs watching You know what they say, those who cant farm, farm celery a2217 11 33AM Yeah it's realy fünl First rule in roadside beet sales, put the most attractive beets on top. The ones that make you pull the car over and go, Wow Ineed this beet right now.Those aro the money I don't farm but I love nature. My family built a cabin 50 years ago no electricity. It's beautiful we own about 75 acres Thats awesome Type a Message. Type a Message О Type altessage.." omfg 😂😂 me on tinder

omfg 😂😂 me on tinder

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You ... complete me 😢😍😂 [Editor’s Note: “wowwww smash got a girlfriend now...oh ok...and she blond AS 👏 I 👏 SUSPECTED 👏...and she Australian...OKAY SMASH...HOPE THE WEDDING IS FUN...HOPE YALL HAVE KANGAROOS AND HAMBURGERS WITH BEET ROOTS OR WHATEVER THEM PEOPLE EAT...DON’T U KNOW AUSTRALIANS DESCEND FROM CRIMINALS? AUSTRALIA 👏 WAS 👏 A 👏 PENAL 👏 COLONY 👏 SHE 👏 CRAZY 👏 WHY 👏 U 👏 LIKE 👏 THEM 👏 CRAZIES 👏 SMASH 👏 U 👏 GON 👏 GET 👏 US 👏 BOTH 👏 KILLT 👏 ” ... I didn’t make this ... I don’t have a girlfriend ... I don’t even have a houseplant ... y’all really need to bear in mind that followers send me cute sh!t and I post it THIS AINT ME AND I DONT KNOW HER LMAO BLESS UP 😂😂😂) (📷: @ellendiablo): Met this puppy in Mexico today. I think he likes my girlfriend @DrSmashlove @EllenDiablo You ... complete me 😢😍😂 [Editor’s Note: “wowwww smash got a girlfriend now...oh ok...and she blond AS 👏 I 👏 SUSPECTED 👏...and she Australian...OKAY SMASH...HOPE THE WEDDING IS FUN...HOPE YALL HAVE KANGAROOS AND HAMBURGERS WITH BEET ROOTS OR WHATEVER THEM PEOPLE EAT...DON’T U KNOW AUSTRALIANS DESCEND FROM CRIMINALS? AUSTRALIA 👏 WAS 👏 A 👏 PENAL 👏 COLONY 👏 SHE 👏 CRAZY 👏 WHY 👏 U 👏 LIKE 👏 THEM 👏 CRAZIES 👏 SMASH 👏 U 👏 GON 👏 GET 👏 US 👏 BOTH 👏 KILLT 👏 ” ... I didn’t make this ... I don’t have a girlfriend ... I don’t even have a houseplant ... y’all really need to bear in mind that followers send me cute sh!t and I post it THIS AINT ME AND I DONT KNOW HER LMAO BLESS UP 😂😂😂) (📷: @ellendiablo)
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millennial-review: nuttytheorizer: imaflashcard: nuttytheorizer: imaflashcard: nuttytheorizer: imaflashcard: nuttytheorizer: imaflashcard: nuttytheorizer: quinintheclouds: Well, only what little of your life romaines. Please leaf at once Have a heart and stop with these puns C’mon. Lettuce have out fun. If you carrot all you will not make any more puns I’m sorry if I became cucumbersome there. I’ll admit these puns are having me beet. Just Kale me Peas end my suffering No, don’t artichoke yourself! We still need you in the thread! It would have bean lonely without you.  Figures. Huh? I’m so cornfused These puns are pearilously bad. : Matthew YglesiasC @mattyglesias I ate romaine lettuce for lunch on Friday and now I just live a life of constant terror. 10:18 AM 21 Apr 18 millennial-review: nuttytheorizer: imaflashcard: nuttytheorizer: imaflashcard: nuttytheorizer: imaflashcard: nuttytheorizer: imaflashcard: nuttytheorizer: quinintheclouds: Well, only what little of your life romaines. Please leaf at once Have a heart and stop with these puns C’mon. Lettuce have out fun. If you carrot all you will not make any more puns I’m sorry if I became cucumbersome there. I’ll admit these puns are having me beet. Just Kale me Peas end my suffering No, don’t artichoke yourself! We still need you in the thread! It would have bean lonely without you.  Figures. Huh? I’m so cornfused These puns are pearilously bad.

millennial-review: nuttytheorizer: imaflashcard: nuttytheorizer: imaflashcard: nuttytheorizer: imaflashcard: nuttytheorizer: im...

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i just woke up then and i feel like i've been punched directly in both eyes it hurts to keep them open.... help?: @caro bearo yesterday i convinced a boy that i am a beet farmer by using quotes from the office a Satan 、UE 12:10 PM 이 94% ■, a Message, oo ure 12:49 PM | ®イ이 84% ■' ..oooVerizon ? Nato Nate Nate lot gosh love it You really like beets? 29 33 Yeah it's really fun! First rule in roadside beet salos, put the most attractive beets on top. The ones that mako you pull the car over and go, "Wow, Ineed this beet right now. Those are the money beets. Tlove t yop That's cool 1, 012, 10 13 2942 12 43M Interesting You know What they say, those who can't farm, farm celery My grandfather Jeft me a 60-acre Working beet farm. I run it with my cousin Mose. We sell beets to the local stores and restaurants I don't farm but I love nature. My family built a cabin 50 years ago no electricity. ir's beautiful we l love itt n 2917, 120 P own about 75 acres That's cool That's really cool 60 acre that'sa lot gosh I grew up on a farm. 1 have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken Chicken on goat Couplo of chickens doing a goat, couple of pigs watching You know what they say, those who can't farm, farm celery Yeah it's realy funl First rule in roadside beet sales, put the most attractive beets on top. The ones that make you pull the car over and go, "Wow, I need this beet right now. Those aro the money I don't farm but I love nature. My family built a cabin 50 years ago no electricity, It's beautiful we own about 75 acres Thats awesome Type a Message Type a Message- i just woke up then and i feel like i've been punched directly in both eyes it hurts to keep them open.... help?

i just woke up then and i feel like i've been punched directly in both eyes it hurts to keep them open.... help?

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Ladies and gents lemme hit with another secret Smash health hack: beet juice. The benefits of this glorious, red nectar of the heavens are legion, and I scarcely have the space to outline them all here, but let me try: (1) lowers blood pressure, (2) detoxes (ladies the summer is short and y'all already done did a number on yo liver), (3) tightens skin and prevents premature aging, (4) boosts energy, (5) has natural sexual performance enhancing qualities basically this shit is Viagra juice 😍, (6) helps digestion. Lemme pause on this one bruh. U gon drink this tall glass of beet juice and u gon see sights, u never thought u see before unless u was DYING. Sit down. Handle yo bidness. Look down. Y'all ever seen the movie The Hunt for Red October? Y'all ever seen them Yeezy sneakers, the Red October? Finna be Red Motherfuckin October in June on yo ass after that beet juice. U gon think u dying. U gon think yo kidney bleeding. U gon think u got a STD (ain't that some shit? Anything happens heath-wise and u just like "I KNOW I SHOULDN'T HAVE TRUSTED MIKE WHEN HE SAID HE GOT TESTED FUCK I'M SO STUPID 😫" 😂). Nah baby u ain't bleeding from yo pancreas. That's that beet juice working. Cleansing. Making up for yo sins. U feel me? Don't fear - just let the magic happen 🤗. Now then. Where to get it? Unfortunately I only have a hack for the city of Chicago - Walgreens on State Street (yes, Walgreens - random AF 😂). They got the super duper hook up. The lady behind the counter friendly AF and don't wanna be there. She will juice whatever TF u ask her to if u nice. Most juice spots load their juice with fillers like apple juice but nah, if u ask her to feed 50 beets thru the juicer she gon do it. And then I ask her to add a lil kiwi for sweetness. Bam. If u in Chicago, there's your hook up (and if u see a sexy young man in a suit waiting on his beet juice well hello to u too, nice to meet u, I'm smash 🤗😂). If u don't live in Chicago, u could cop a juicer off amazon for between 100-200 or make friends with the person at your local juice spot and ask them for the off-menu hook up - all beets and a lil fruit for sweetness. Ya get me! Bless up! 😂😂😂: He had cancer as a puppy and wasnt supposed to make it past 1. Now 13 years later and look at us.. Ladies and gents lemme hit with another secret Smash health hack: beet juice. The benefits of this glorious, red nectar of the heavens are legion, and I scarcely have the space to outline them all here, but let me try: (1) lowers blood pressure, (2) detoxes (ladies the summer is short and y'all already done did a number on yo liver), (3) tightens skin and prevents premature aging, (4) boosts energy, (5) has natural sexual performance enhancing qualities basically this shit is Viagra juice 😍, (6) helps digestion. Lemme pause on this one bruh. U gon drink this tall glass of beet juice and u gon see sights, u never thought u see before unless u was DYING. Sit down. Handle yo bidness. Look down. Y'all ever seen the movie The Hunt for Red October? Y'all ever seen them Yeezy sneakers, the Red October? Finna be Red Motherfuckin October in June on yo ass after that beet juice. U gon think u dying. U gon think yo kidney bleeding. U gon think u got a STD (ain't that some shit? Anything happens heath-wise and u just like "I KNOW I SHOULDN'T HAVE TRUSTED MIKE WHEN HE SAID HE GOT TESTED FUCK I'M SO STUPID 😫" 😂). Nah baby u ain't bleeding from yo pancreas. That's that beet juice working. Cleansing. Making up for yo sins. U feel me? Don't fear - just let the magic happen 🤗. Now then. Where to get it? Unfortunately I only have a hack for the city of Chicago - Walgreens on State Street (yes, Walgreens - random AF 😂). They got the super duper hook up. The lady behind the counter friendly AF and don't wanna be there. She will juice whatever TF u ask her to if u nice. Most juice spots load their juice with fillers like apple juice but nah, if u ask her to feed 50 beets thru the juicer she gon do it. And then I ask her to add a lil kiwi for sweetness. Bam. If u in Chicago, there's your hook up (and if u see a sexy young man in a suit waiting on his beet juice well hello to u too, nice to meet u, I'm smash 🤗😂). If u don't live in Chicago, u could cop a juicer off amazon for between 100-200 or make friends with the person at your local juice spot and ask them for the off-menu hook up - all beets and a lil fruit for sweetness. Ya get me! Bless up! 😂😂😂
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