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                            Don't worry, if we abolish the police these 19 memes know who will solve the crimes
                        
                    

                    
                

            
        
    
        
            
                

                    

                        
                    

                    
                    

                        
                            'On My Block' Memes That Will Make You Scream Out In Joy And Agony
                        
                    

                    
                

            
        
    
    






    

    
        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
        

            

                








            

        

        
    
    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        villainous-queer:
elfwreck:

injuries-in-dust:

nineprotons:

Dolly’s absolute amazingness aside… She is who she wants to be, and shows herself as she wants to. Anyone who sees her as a joke is in fact the joke themselves and I’m quite happy to laugh at them.



The real joke is that she’s the one finding it, not the government. 


She purposely does this, y’all. I have been fascinated by her for years and she has purposely crafted this and people reacting like this is her intention. She is a master. Like, how many country artists can get away with openly being a queer ally and funding AIDS research and COVID research and all this other stuff and yet still I defy you to find a person–no matter how conservative–who will say anything worse than ‘she’s trashy’ to you–but it can’t even insult her because she says she’s trashy!! She is so good at this y’all. A master at the whole concept of reclaiming and owning one’s image. All hail Dolly.
: villainous-queer:
elfwreck:

injuries-in-dust:

nineprotons:

Dolly’s absolute amazingness aside… She is who she wants to be, and shows herself as she wants to. Anyone who sees her as a joke is in fact the joke themselves and I’m quite happy to laugh at them.



The real joke is that she’s the one finding it, not the government. 


She purposely does this, y’all. I have been fascinated by her for years and she has purposely crafted this and people reacting like this is her intention. She is a master. Like, how many country artists can get away with openly being a queer ally and funding AIDS research and COVID research and all this other stuff and yet still I defy you to find a person–no matter how conservative–who will say anything worse than ‘she’s trashy’ to you–but it can’t even insult her because she says she’s trashy!! She is so good at this y’all. A master at the whole concept of reclaiming and owning one’s image. All hail Dolly.

        

            
            

                
                
                    villainous-queer:
elfwreck:

injuries-in-dust:

nineprotons:

Dolly’s absolute amazingness aside… She is who she wants to be, and shows herself as she wants to. Anyone who sees her as a joke is in fact the joke themselves and I’m quite happy to laugh at them.



The real joke is that she’s the one finding it, not the government. 


She purposely does this, y’all. I have been fascinated by her for years and she has purposely crafted this and people reacting like this is her intention. She is a master. Like, how many country artists can get away with openly being a queer ally and funding AIDS research and COVID research and all this other stuff and yet still I defy you to find a person–no matter how conservative–who will say anything worse than ‘she’s trashy’ to you–but it can’t even insult her because she says she’s trashy!! She is so good at this y’all. A master at the whole concept of reclaiming and owning one’s image. All hail Dolly.
: villainous-queer:
elfwreck:

injuries-in-dust:

nineprotons:

Dolly’s absolute amazingness aside… She is who she wants to be, and shows herself as she wants to. Anyone who sees her as a joke is in fact the joke themselves and I’m quite happy to laugh at them.



The real joke is that she’s the one finding it, not the government. 


She purposely does this, y’all. I have been fascinated by her for years and she has purposely crafted this and people reacting like this is her intention. She is a master. Like, how many country artists can get away with openly being a queer ally and funding AIDS research and COVID research and all this other stuff and yet still I defy you to find a person–no matter how conservative–who will say anything worse than ‘she’s trashy’ to you–but it can’t even insult her because she says she’s trashy!! She is so good at this y’all. A master at the whole concept of reclaiming and owning one’s image. All hail Dolly.

                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
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        bisexualbaker:

bisexualbaker:
thwippersnapple:
Tingle just cranked out 50k words for a spite story for JKR and I am LIVING for it!
[Image one: Tweet from Chuck Tingle ( @ChuckTingle ): please enjoy new full length adult romance novel (52000 words) in paperback or ebook about the best wizard: TRANS WIZARD HARRIET PORBER AND THE BAD BOY PARASAUROLOPHUS available now also trans rights amazon.com/dp/B08B386R6J ]
[Image two: Cover of the aforementioned Harriet Porber novel; Harriet is front and center, a young trans woman with light skin, long dark hair, and glasses; she has a wand raised in her right hand. Behind her are a mammoth in a wizard’s hat, an anthropomorphic duck-billed dinosaur, and a motorcycle with the head of a woman.]
Chuck Tingle is a gift.

OMG the summary:
Trans wizard Harriet Porber is a master spellsmith who’s found herself 
in a bit of a pickle. After finishing wizard college, Harriet made a 
name for herself by creating a hit viral spell, but has since failed to 
craft a follow up. Now Harriet’s agent, Minerma, is breathing down her 
neck, suggesting that Harriet take a trip to an island off the coast of 
England for inspiration.Hoping for some peace and quiet to clear
 her head, Harriet Porber arrives to find that her new neighbor, an 
angsty bard named Snabe from the band Seven Inch Nails, is already there
 making a racket. This parasaurolophus spellcaster is a bad boy through 
and through, and with his incredible powers of metamagic, Snabe reveals 
that this layer of reality is much more than it seems. Could Harriet and
 Snabe really be characters in a parody romance novel?Soon 
enough, these two are discovering they have more similarities than 
differences: both trans, both strong, and both hoping to create a new 
spell that will change the world. But with the addition of two devious 
sentient motorcycles to the mix, Dellatrix and Braco, things start to 
get complicated.Now trans wizard Harriet Porber is caught up in a
 tale of magic and mystery where nothing is as it seems, except for one 
universal truth: love is real.This is a 52,000 word bad boy romance novel for adults. It contains some explicit scenes.

: bisexualbaker:

bisexualbaker:
thwippersnapple:
Tingle just cranked out 50k words for a spite story for JKR and I am LIVING for it!
[Image one: Tweet from Chuck Tingle ( @ChuckTingle ): please enjoy new full length adult romance novel (52000 words) in paperback or ebook about the best wizard: TRANS WIZARD HARRIET PORBER AND THE BAD BOY PARASAUROLOPHUS available now also trans rights amazon.com/dp/B08B386R6J ]
[Image two: Cover of the aforementioned Harriet Porber novel; Harriet is front and center, a young trans woman with light skin, long dark hair, and glasses; she has a wand raised in her right hand. Behind her are a mammoth in a wizard’s hat, an anthropomorphic duck-billed dinosaur, and a motorcycle with the head of a woman.]
Chuck Tingle is a gift.

OMG the summary:
Trans wizard Harriet Porber is a master spellsmith who’s found herself 
in a bit of a pickle. After finishing wizard college, Harriet made a 
name for herself by creating a hit viral spell, but has since failed to 
craft a follow up. Now Harriet’s agent, Minerma, is breathing down her 
neck, suggesting that Harriet take a trip to an island off the coast of 
England for inspiration.Hoping for some peace and quiet to clear
 her head, Harriet Porber arrives to find that her new neighbor, an 
angsty bard named Snabe from the band Seven Inch Nails, is already there
 making a racket. This parasaurolophus spellcaster is a bad boy through 
and through, and with his incredible powers of metamagic, Snabe reveals 
that this layer of reality is much more than it seems. Could Harriet and
 Snabe really be characters in a parody romance novel?Soon 
enough, these two are discovering they have more similarities than 
differences: both trans, both strong, and both hoping to create a new 
spell that will change the world. But with the addition of two devious 
sentient motorcycles to the mix, Dellatrix and Braco, things start to 
get complicated.Now trans wizard Harriet Porber is caught up in a
 tale of magic and mystery where nothing is as it seems, except for one 
universal truth: love is real.This is a 52,000 word bad boy romance novel for adults. It contains some explicit scenes.


        

            
            

                
                
                    bisexualbaker:

bisexualbaker:
thwippersnapple:
Tingle just cranked out 50k words for a spite story for JKR and I am LIVING for it!
[Image one: Tweet from Chuck Tingle ( @ChuckTingle ): please enjoy new full length adult romance novel (52000 words) in paperback or ebook about the best wizard: TRANS WIZARD HARRIET PORBER AND THE BAD BOY PARASAUROLOPHUS available now also trans rights amazon.com/dp/B08B386R6J ]
[Image two: Cover of the aforementioned Harriet Porber novel; Harriet is front and center, a young trans woman with light skin, long dark hair, and glasses; she has a wand raised in her right hand. Behind her are a mammoth in a wizard’s hat, an anthropomorphic duck-billed dinosaur, and a motorcycle with the head of a woman.]
Chuck Tingle is a gift.

OMG the summary:
Trans wizard Harriet Porber is a master spellsmith who’s found herself 
in a bit of a pickle. After finishing wizard college, Harriet made a 
name for herself by creating a hit viral spell, but has since failed to 
craft a follow up. Now Harriet’s agent, Minerma, is breathing down her 
neck, suggesting that Harriet take a trip to an island off the coast of 
England for inspiration.Hoping for some peace and quiet to clear
 her head, Harriet Porber arrives to find that her new neighbor, an 
angsty bard named Snabe from the band Seven Inch Nails, is already there
 making a racket. This parasaurolophus spellcaster is a bad boy through 
and through, and with his incredible powers of metamagic, Snabe reveals 
that this layer of reality is much more than it seems. Could Harriet and
 Snabe really be characters in a parody romance novel?Soon 
enough, these two are discovering they have more similarities than 
differences: both trans, both strong, and both hoping to create a new 
spell that will change the world. But with the addition of two devious 
sentient motorcycles to the mix, Dellatrix and Braco, things start to 
get complicated.Now trans wizard Harriet Porber is caught up in a
 tale of magic and mystery where nothing is as it seems, except for one 
universal truth: love is real.This is a 52,000 word bad boy romance novel for adults. It contains some explicit scenes.

: bisexualbaker:

bisexualbaker:
thwippersnapple:
Tingle just cranked out 50k words for a spite story for JKR and I am LIVING for it!
[Image one: Tweet from Chuck Tingle ( @ChuckTingle ): please enjoy new full length adult romance novel (52000 words) in paperback or ebook about the best wizard: TRANS WIZARD HARRIET PORBER AND THE BAD BOY PARASAUROLOPHUS available now also trans rights amazon.com/dp/B08B386R6J ]
[Image two: Cover of the aforementioned Harriet Porber novel; Harriet is front and center, a young trans woman with light skin, long dark hair, and glasses; she has a wand raised in her right hand. Behind her are a mammoth in a wizard’s hat, an anthropomorphic duck-billed dinosaur, and a motorcycle with the head of a woman.]
Chuck Tingle is a gift.

OMG the summary:
Trans wizard Harriet Porber is a master spellsmith who’s found herself 
in a bit of a pickle. After finishing wizard college, Harriet made a 
name for herself by creating a hit viral spell, but has since failed to 
craft a follow up. Now Harriet’s agent, Minerma, is breathing down her 
neck, suggesting that Harriet take a trip to an island off the coast of 
England for inspiration.Hoping for some peace and quiet to clear
 her head, Harriet Porber arrives to find that her new neighbor, an 
angsty bard named Snabe from the band Seven Inch Nails, is already there
 making a racket. This parasaurolophus spellcaster is a bad boy through 
and through, and with his incredible powers of metamagic, Snabe reveals 
that this layer of reality is much more than it seems. Could Harriet and
 Snabe really be characters in a parody romance novel?Soon 
enough, these two are discovering they have more similarities than 
differences: both trans, both strong, and both hoping to create a new 
spell that will change the world. But with the addition of two devious 
sentient motorcycles to the mix, Dellatrix and Braco, things start to 
get complicated.Now trans wizard Harriet Porber is caught up in a
 tale of magic and mystery where nothing is as it seems, except for one 
universal truth: love is real.This is a 52,000 word bad boy romance novel for adults. It contains some explicit scenes.


                    
                
            

            
                
                
bisexualbaker:

bisexualbaker:
thwippersnapple:
Tingle just cranked out 50k words for a spite story for JKR and I am LIVING for it!
[Imag...

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
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        inquisitorhotpants:

burntcopper:

futureevilscientist:

optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up


There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out


This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat. 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy. 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff.
Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this:
Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang

I fully support watching Red Cliff; it’s gloriously silly entertainment during the battle scenes.

Guess what just got moved to the top of my watch list?? :D
: inquisitorhotpants:

burntcopper:

futureevilscientist:

optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up


There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out


This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat. 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy. 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff.
Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this:
Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang

I fully support watching Red Cliff; it’s gloriously silly entertainment during the battle scenes.

Guess what just got moved to the top of my watch list?? :D

        

            
            

                
                
                    inquisitorhotpants:

burntcopper:

futureevilscientist:

optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up


There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out


This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat. 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy. 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff.
Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this:
Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang

I fully support watching Red Cliff; it’s gloriously silly entertainment during the battle scenes.

Guess what just got moved to the top of my watch list?? :D
: inquisitorhotpants:

burntcopper:

futureevilscientist:

optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up


There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out


This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat. 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy. 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff.
Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this:
Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang

I fully support watching Red Cliff; it’s gloriously silly entertainment during the battle scenes.

Guess what just got moved to the top of my watch list?? :D

                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
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        lyrica-in-nerdvana:
daysofstorm:

pilgrim-soulinyou:

jeremyyyallan:

fagraklett:

Chinese emperor Ai of Han, fell in love with a minor official, a man named Dong Xian, and bestowed upon him great political power and a magnificent palace. Legend has it that one day while the two men were sleeping in the same bed, the emperor was roused from his sleep by pressing business. Dong Xian had fallen asleep across the emperor’s robe, but rather than awaken his peaceful lover, the Emperor cut his robe free at the sleeve. Thus “the passion of the cut sleeve” became a euphemism for same-sex love in China. — R.G.L.


get you a dude who will fuck up his own clothing for you

NO OKAY THIS IS REALLY COOL SO SHUT UP AND LISTEN KIDS. Ancient China was super chill about homosexuality okay. Like we have gay emperors and feudal lords, lesbian princesses who were girlfriends with their serving maids, gay ass poets who wrote lots of poems about that one courtesan who played the guzheng so well.In fact homosexuality was so okay that in Shiji, which is basically the Bible of Ancient Chinese history, there is an entire section dedicated to the gay lovers of emperors. What’s the best part? All the laws and criticism about homosexuality in Ancient China were all about shit like prostitution and rape. These laws were  outlawing homosexual stuff were all very specific. For example, there were laws banning male prostitution, but no laws against homosexuality. These laws were passed to stop the spread of prostitution and laws targeting prostitution in general were pretty common in Chinese history. There were also really strict laws about male rape. Rape was punishable by death, regardless of the gender of the victim. Rape a girl, you die. Rape a guy, you die. Have sex with a minor, you die regardless of whether it was consensual. The lightest sentence you could get was slavery where you were bound to the army.Also scholars wrote essays criticising the boyfriends of emperors, saying that they distracted the emperor from work blah blah blah but THEY ALSO DID THE SAME FOR THE CONCUBINES. That’s right - the issue wasn’t homosexuality but rather the hormones of the emperor. They didn’t care about the gender of the emperor’s favourite lover but rather the fact that the emperor was too horny to get shit done.“But WAIT, Modern China is a hardass about homosexuality!!!! How do you explain that!”Yes. That. That’s because of the late Qing years where Western influences entered the country and brought their gross ass homophobic attitudes with them. And the Qing government was so anxious to seem modern and be seen as equals to their Western counterparts. So they adopted Western ways and discarded their previous attitudes about homosexuality. Hence you have Modern China.So the next time someone tries to tell you that being LGBT is wrong because it goes against traditional Chinese values, tell them to go fuck themselves with 3000 years of Chinese queerness. 

Here are all the illustrations of historical gay couples by Ryan Grant https://www.advocate.com/arts-entertainment/artist-spotlight/2012/08/11/ryan-grant-longs-history-gay-love#slide-0


This is one of the best things I have ever read.
: lyrica-in-nerdvana:
daysofstorm:

pilgrim-soulinyou:

jeremyyyallan:

fagraklett:

Chinese emperor Ai of Han, fell in love with a minor official, a man named Dong Xian, and bestowed upon him great political power and a magnificent palace. Legend has it that one day while the two men were sleeping in the same bed, the emperor was roused from his sleep by pressing business. Dong Xian had fallen asleep across the emperor’s robe, but rather than awaken his peaceful lover, the Emperor cut his robe free at the sleeve. Thus “the passion of the cut sleeve” became a euphemism for same-sex love in China. — R.G.L.


get you a dude who will fuck up his own clothing for you

NO OKAY THIS IS REALLY COOL SO SHUT UP AND LISTEN KIDS. Ancient China was super chill about homosexuality okay. Like we have gay emperors and feudal lords, lesbian princesses who were girlfriends with their serving maids, gay ass poets who wrote lots of poems about that one courtesan who played the guzheng so well.In fact homosexuality was so okay that in Shiji, which is basically the Bible of Ancient Chinese history, there is an entire section dedicated to the gay lovers of emperors. What’s the best part? All the laws and criticism about homosexuality in Ancient China were all about shit like prostitution and rape. These laws were  outlawing homosexual stuff were all very specific. For example, there were laws banning male prostitution, but no laws against homosexuality. These laws were passed to stop the spread of prostitution and laws targeting prostitution in general were pretty common in Chinese history. There were also really strict laws about male rape. Rape was punishable by death, regardless of the gender of the victim. Rape a girl, you die. Rape a guy, you die. Have sex with a minor, you die regardless of whether it was consensual. The lightest sentence you could get was slavery where you were bound to the army.Also scholars wrote essays criticising the boyfriends of emperors, saying that they distracted the emperor from work blah blah blah but THEY ALSO DID THE SAME FOR THE CONCUBINES. That’s right - the issue wasn’t homosexuality but rather the hormones of the emperor. They didn’t care about the gender of the emperor’s favourite lover but rather the fact that the emperor was too horny to get shit done.“But WAIT, Modern China is a hardass about homosexuality!!!! How do you explain that!”Yes. That. That’s because of the late Qing years where Western influences entered the country and brought their gross ass homophobic attitudes with them. And the Qing government was so anxious to seem modern and be seen as equals to their Western counterparts. So they adopted Western ways and discarded their previous attitudes about homosexuality. Hence you have Modern China.So the next time someone tries to tell you that being LGBT is wrong because it goes against traditional Chinese values, tell them to go fuck themselves with 3000 years of Chinese queerness. 

Here are all the illustrations of historical gay couples by Ryan Grant https://www.advocate.com/arts-entertainment/artist-spotlight/2012/08/11/ryan-grant-longs-history-gay-love#slide-0


This is one of the best things I have ever read.

        

            
            

                
                
                    lyrica-in-nerdvana:
daysofstorm:

pilgrim-soulinyou:

jeremyyyallan:

fagraklett:

Chinese emperor Ai of Han, fell in love with a minor official, a man named Dong Xian, and bestowed upon him great political power and a magnificent palace. Legend has it that one day while the two men were sleeping in the same bed, the emperor was roused from his sleep by pressing business. Dong Xian had fallen asleep across the emperor’s robe, but rather than awaken his peaceful lover, the Emperor cut his robe free at the sleeve. Thus “the passion of the cut sleeve” became a euphemism for same-sex love in China. — R.G.L.


get you a dude who will fuck up his own clothing for you

NO OKAY THIS IS REALLY COOL SO SHUT UP AND LISTEN KIDS. Ancient China was super chill about homosexuality okay. Like we have gay emperors and feudal lords, lesbian princesses who were girlfriends with their serving maids, gay ass poets who wrote lots of poems about that one courtesan who played the guzheng so well.In fact homosexuality was so okay that in Shiji, which is basically the Bible of Ancient Chinese history, there is an entire section dedicated to the gay lovers of emperors. What’s the best part? All the laws and criticism about homosexuality in Ancient China were all about shit like prostitution and rape. These laws were  outlawing homosexual stuff were all very specific. For example, there were laws banning male prostitution, but no laws against homosexuality. These laws were passed to stop the spread of prostitution and laws targeting prostitution in general were pretty common in Chinese history. There were also really strict laws about male rape. Rape was punishable by death, regardless of the gender of the victim. Rape a girl, you die. Rape a guy, you die. Have sex with a minor, you die regardless of whether it was consensual. The lightest sentence you could get was slavery where you were bound to the army.Also scholars wrote essays criticising the boyfriends of emperors, saying that they distracted the emperor from work blah blah blah but THEY ALSO DID THE SAME FOR THE CONCUBINES. That’s right - the issue wasn’t homosexuality but rather the hormones of the emperor. They didn’t care about the gender of the emperor’s favourite lover but rather the fact that the emperor was too horny to get shit done.“But WAIT, Modern China is a hardass about homosexuality!!!! How do you explain that!”Yes. That. That’s because of the late Qing years where Western influences entered the country and brought their gross ass homophobic attitudes with them. And the Qing government was so anxious to seem modern and be seen as equals to their Western counterparts. So they adopted Western ways and discarded their previous attitudes about homosexuality. Hence you have Modern China.So the next time someone tries to tell you that being LGBT is wrong because it goes against traditional Chinese values, tell them to go fuck themselves with 3000 years of Chinese queerness. 

Here are all the illustrations of historical gay couples by Ryan Grant https://www.advocate.com/arts-entertainment/artist-spotlight/2012/08/11/ryan-grant-longs-history-gay-love#slide-0


This is one of the best things I have ever read.
: lyrica-in-nerdvana:
daysofstorm:

pilgrim-soulinyou:

jeremyyyallan:

fagraklett:

Chinese emperor Ai of Han, fell in love with a minor official, a man named Dong Xian, and bestowed upon him great political power and a magnificent palace. Legend has it that one day while the two men were sleeping in the same bed, the emperor was roused from his sleep by pressing business. Dong Xian had fallen asleep across the emperor’s robe, but rather than awaken his peaceful lover, the Emperor cut his robe free at the sleeve. Thus “the passion of the cut sleeve” became a euphemism for same-sex love in China. — R.G.L.


get you a dude who will fuck up his own clothing for you

NO OKAY THIS IS REALLY COOL SO SHUT UP AND LISTEN KIDS. Ancient China was super chill about homosexuality okay. Like we have gay emperors and feudal lords, lesbian princesses who were girlfriends with their serving maids, gay ass poets who wrote lots of poems about that one courtesan who played the guzheng so well.In fact homosexuality was so okay that in Shiji, which is basically the Bible of Ancient Chinese history, there is an entire section dedicated to the gay lovers of emperors. What’s the best part? All the laws and criticism about homosexuality in Ancient China were all about shit like prostitution and rape. These laws were  outlawing homosexual stuff were all very specific. For example, there were laws banning male prostitution, but no laws against homosexuality. These laws were passed to stop the spread of prostitution and laws targeting prostitution in general were pretty common in Chinese history. There were also really strict laws about male rape. Rape was punishable by death, regardless of the gender of the victim. Rape a girl, you die. Rape a guy, you die. Have sex with a minor, you die regardless of whether it was consensual. The lightest sentence you could get was slavery where you were bound to the army.Also scholars wrote essays criticising the boyfriends of emperors, saying that they distracted the emperor from work blah blah blah but THEY ALSO DID THE SAME FOR THE CONCUBINES. That’s right - the issue wasn’t homosexuality but rather the hormones of the emperor. They didn’t care about the gender of the emperor’s favourite lover but rather the fact that the emperor was too horny to get shit done.“But WAIT, Modern China is a hardass about homosexuality!!!! How do you explain that!”Yes. That. That’s because of the late Qing years where Western influences entered the country and brought their gross ass homophobic attitudes with them. And the Qing government was so anxious to seem modern and be seen as equals to their Western counterparts. So they adopted Western ways and discarded their previous attitudes about homosexuality. Hence you have Modern China.So the next time someone tries to tell you that being LGBT is wrong because it goes against traditional Chinese values, tell them to go fuck themselves with 3000 years of Chinese queerness. 

Here are all the illustrations of historical gay couples by Ryan Grant https://www.advocate.com/arts-entertainment/artist-spotlight/2012/08/11/ryan-grant-longs-history-gay-love#slide-0


This is one of the best things I have ever read.

                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
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