🔥 Popular | Latest

gluttonforpunsihment: particularscarf: search-the-castle: quadrants: nitwitsandthingamabobs: shinichiwinchester: lonely—mountain: ridiculousinpiccadilly: gallifrey-feels: lizrrd-queen: satanslittlebuttercup: *nearby lesbian laughter* *muffled asexual snickering* *conflicted pansexual noises* *moderately panicked bisexual muttering* HETEROSEXUAL SCREAMING IN ANGUISH Laughter from anyone who realises condoms are not the only form of birth control. Louder laughter from those that remember that STDs and STIs are an actual thing that happen whether one is on the pill or not. Laughter stops as people remember that STDs and STIs are an actual thing that happen whether one is on the pill or not. Literally everyone, regardless of orientation, mutters awkwardly and shuffles away as they remember that STDs and STIs are an actual thing that can happen to anyone who is sexually active, and not just heterosexual people. *asexual snickering increases in volume* : You will be Super Attractive No condoms but gluttonforpunsihment: particularscarf: search-the-castle: quadrants: nitwitsandthingamabobs: shinichiwinchester: lonely—mountain: ridiculousinpiccadilly: gallifrey-feels: lizrrd-queen: satanslittlebuttercup: *nearby lesbian laughter* *muffled asexual snickering* *conflicted pansexual noises* *moderately panicked bisexual muttering* HETEROSEXUAL SCREAMING IN ANGUISH Laughter from anyone who realises condoms are not the only form of birth control. Louder laughter from those that remember that STDs and STIs are an actual thing that happen whether one is on the pill or not. Laughter stops as people remember that STDs and STIs are an actual thing that happen whether one is on the pill or not. Literally everyone, regardless of orientation, mutters awkwardly and shuffles away as they remember that STDs and STIs are an actual thing that can happen to anyone who is sexually active, and not just heterosexual people. *asexual snickering increases in volume*
Save
Hammy & Boy: A Shitty Quest for Fishbowl Milkshake: jpg (46 KB, 1024x683) No.46363786 Anonymous 18 min. ago >be me >working register at mcd's like a fucking wagie mom and son come up >absolute units, their hands were fucking round perfectly fucking round, like a baseball little blob holding a small fish bowl, maybe they came back from Walmart after getting a fish poor fish, probably doesn't even get his ration of the fish food one of those families that has each family member go up to order for themselves hate these kinds of families mama blob starts ordering out of breath from standing in line >slams her elbows down onto the counter to rest while ordering could have fucking swore i heard the counter rumble yaah *pant* could i have a *pant* ahhhhh *pant* big Mac *pant* make that two actually... *pant* no three.... and a *pant* basket of fries and *pant* a large diet coke sweat beads fall down from her chins onto the table breathes in sharply struggles to take elbows off of table finally accomplishes the task finally accomplishes the task two huge wet marks take up the register section those are her fucking elbows her elbows actually fucking sweated little blob comes up to order "can i have 2 big Macs pant* a basket of fries.. *pant* make that two actually *pant* and a large diet Coke *pant* brings fish bowl out onto counter "and... *pant* fill this up *pant* with chocolate *pant* milkshake >a fucking fishbowl sorry, our largest size is a large. we cannot fill things that aren't McDonalds cups mama blob starts throwing a tantrum "HE WANTS HIS FUCKING MILKSHAKE SO GIVE IT TO HIM" maam, we cann >"LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR GOD DAMN MANAGER go get manager >he just repeats what I said tells her she can buy about 10 large milkshakes to fill it if she wants "DAS TOO EXPENSIVE!!!" "TOO MUCH CALORIES!!!" >me and manager stare at each other did she really just say that mama blob sees us looking at each other cont. whole restaurant has been quiet this whole time just looking at us >mama blob hears something turns her body to look backward >a gentle greasy breeze hits me >sees a couple people snickering turns back around "YOURE EMBARRASSING ME!!" >me and manager stay silent tears start to well up in her eyes could have just been sweat though face turns redder grabs her son's hand "WE'RE NEVER EATING HERE AGAIN!" >something deep down told me that wasn't true >pulls her son's hand waddles out hear her panting as she opens the door notice something >me and manager both notice it look at each other there was something brown in the middle of Hammy's ass could it be could it fucking be look at her legs brown liquid streaking the inside of her right leg >she sharted >she actually fucking sharted and left a brown trail had to febreeze the fuck out of that place for 5 minutes janitor almost puked cleaning it up Hammy & Boy: A Shitty Quest for Fishbowl Milkshake
Save
anulloamato: “Why I hate straight men,” a thread by me. Congrats, you assholes. You just scared me to fucking death. You know what’s the worse bit? Feeling helpless because you know that you can’t risk angering them. That’s it. That’s the worst fucking part. : 3 4G 11:07 76% ). Tweet @itscarmeleeta Reasons why I hate men, a thread 10/07/2017, 10:51 li View Tweet activity 1 Like carme@itscarmeleeta-14m Replying to @itscarmeleeta I thought, I'll just do a bit of the journey on foot to do some exercise. Not even 500 my away from my flat, these two men driving a van carme@itscarmeleeta 12m shout something at me. I can't hear because I have my earphones. I keep walking and ignore them. All I hear is the guys final "Fuck you". 1 Tweet your reply 3 4G 11:07 ④ 76% ). Tweet carme@itscarmeleeta 11m I see the van go to another direction and I'm glad because what the fuck? The entitlement? Except, 10 minutes later, I see the van again. carme@itscarmeleeta 10m It's slowing down, going at my pace They're snickering and shouting at me Ignore them, I tell myself. Just ignore them They'll go away. carme@itscarmeleeta 10m Then the van stops. I think that maybe it's when they were supposed to stop in the first place. One of the two men gets off the van and carme@itscarmeleeta -9m -- crosses the road. Towards me. And that's when I realise the no, they're stopping for me. And he stops in front of me. Blocking my way. Tweet your reply 3 4G 11:07 ④ 76% ). Tweet me. Blocking my way carme@itscarmeleeta 8m He asks me, "Where are you from?" And l say, "why?" "I just asked you a question. Are you from Greece?" I only want him to leave me alone carme@itscarmeleeta 7m Truly, people. I only wanted him to leave me alone. So I say, "Italy". And then he asks me, "Can I get a smile?" What the fuck. WHAT. THE 1 carme@itscarmeleeta-6m FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK. He keeps pressuring me to SMILE until, exhausted, I do. And he goes away, still snickering carme@itscarmeleeta 5m Two grown men in van literally followed me because they wanted a fucking smile. Do they not realise how fucking creepy that is? Tweet your reply 3 4G 11:07 ④ 76% ). Tweet The entitlement? The fucking entitlement? How in the world can anyone think it's an okay thing to do? 1 carme @itscarmeleeta 4m THANK FUCKING GOD IT'S MORNING AND I WAS ON A BUSY ROAD 2 carme@itscarmeleeta 3m I was fucking terrified, you bastards. That's why I wasn't smiling. Because I saw a man stronger and bigger than me blocking my way 1 carme@itscarmeleeta-2m Literally shouting at me and then following me, and the first thing that comes to mine is not, "He wants a friendly chat", its DANGER. 2 carme@itscarmeleeta 1m I had to sit down a moment because I was so fucking petrified. Let women live. Tweet your reply Literally, let women live. They don't owe you a smile carme@itscarmeleeta 42s They don't owe you shit. We don't owe you shit. Let us live in fucking peace. Shove your entitlement up your fucking ass, you pieces of shit Tweet your reply anulloamato: “Why I hate straight men,” a thread by me. Congrats, you assholes. You just scared me to fucking death. You know what’s the worse bit? Feeling helpless because you know that you can’t risk angering them. That’s it. That’s the worst fucking part.
Save
Bruh. How when the airplane hitting all type of turbulence and bouncing all over the clouds and shit, it's people on the plane acting like shit's sweet. Like the kids - I get it. They think this is a roller coaster or some shit. But u adults? Y'all know this shit ain't a game. Ain't yall seen the movies where the plane crashes and people start eating each other? The South American rugby team Bruh they ate each other. If I learnt anything from Hollywood it's that every time I step on a plane, it might crash in a undisclosed location and I might have to roast a motherfucker and sustain myself on their meat. With that said: Dear Martha the Big Lady Next To Me Doing Crossword Puzzles Like Shit's Sweet, giggling and eyeing me because I'm praying to God to let us land safely: rest assured u gon be the first to have a heart attack and then the first to die and the fat on your frame is gonna ensure that u gon be tasty AF when I cook yo ass. I got a apple in my carry-on too because I pack clean snacks when I travel. So when we crash in these Rocky Mountains imma build a fire, find a stick sturdy enuf to hold yo ass up, put this apple in yo mouth, and rotisserie yo ass, no offense. Everyone on the plane gon be like "smash chill emergency rescue people will see us!" And imma be like "nahhhhhh b, we gotta eat Martha's tasty, 'ideal fat marbling' ass, off principle. She was snickering at me for being a scared lil bitch and praying for forgiveness while we were hitting 'air bumps', she getting eaten now. Anyone got hot sauce??" And people gon be reluctant at first but on Day 4 of starvation when rescue vehicles can't reach us, yall gon eat TF out of Martha. And u gon look at me like "wow, this is scary, it's like this motherfucker been planning this shit, like Martha taste a little TOO good, lemme get some of that buttery assmeat, don't be stingy..." BoneAppTheTeeth MarthaYourFleshTastesAmazing SmashYouWilinBruh iKnowThat 🙋‍♂️😂😂😂: LOOK AT THE LIL PAWS LOOK AT THE LIL TONGUE LOOK AT THE LIL ROAST CHICKEN SQUEAKY TOY @DrSmashlove Bruh. How when the airplane hitting all type of turbulence and bouncing all over the clouds and shit, it's people on the plane acting like shit's sweet. Like the kids - I get it. They think this is a roller coaster or some shit. But u adults? Y'all know this shit ain't a game. Ain't yall seen the movies where the plane crashes and people start eating each other? The South American rugby team Bruh they ate each other. If I learnt anything from Hollywood it's that every time I step on a plane, it might crash in a undisclosed location and I might have to roast a motherfucker and sustain myself on their meat. With that said: Dear Martha the Big Lady Next To Me Doing Crossword Puzzles Like Shit's Sweet, giggling and eyeing me because I'm praying to God to let us land safely: rest assured u gon be the first to have a heart attack and then the first to die and the fat on your frame is gonna ensure that u gon be tasty AF when I cook yo ass. I got a apple in my carry-on too because I pack clean snacks when I travel. So when we crash in these Rocky Mountains imma build a fire, find a stick sturdy enuf to hold yo ass up, put this apple in yo mouth, and rotisserie yo ass, no offense. Everyone on the plane gon be like "smash chill emergency rescue people will see us!" And imma be like "nahhhhhh b, we gotta eat Martha's tasty, 'ideal fat marbling' ass, off principle. She was snickering at me for being a scared lil bitch and praying for forgiveness while we were hitting 'air bumps', she getting eaten now. Anyone got hot sauce??" And people gon be reluctant at first but on Day 4 of starvation when rescue vehicles can't reach us, yall gon eat TF out of Martha. And u gon look at me like "wow, this is scary, it's like this motherfucker been planning this shit, like Martha taste a little TOO good, lemme get some of that buttery assmeat, don't be stingy..." BoneAppTheTeeth MarthaYourFleshTastesAmazing SmashYouWilinBruh iKnowThat 🙋‍♂️😂😂😂
Save
Shout to u ladies that suntan on your belly at the beach and untie your bikini top so u "don't get a tan line." Sureeeeeee it's for the tan line, I see u - so the triangles on the Tetas are perfectly acceptable, but God forbid u have a teensie weensie line across your back. Nah. Hell nah. Y'all ain't slick. Y'all just wanna tantalize us. Y'all just wanna lay there with perfect side boob-softness on display with that string untied so that we get aching boners picturing y'all fine asses technically naked without that string in place. Well u know what, two can play at this game. Next time I see a girl doing this imma lay right next to her, remove my swimming shorts, and lay a napkin on my PP. Just a small napkin. Not even a cloth napkin but like a cocktail napkin - them lil square joints, and imma unfold it into a big square and lay it on my junk and then apply a small paper weight to it so when the wind blow, u all like "OMG IMMA SEE HIS PP" but that paperweight gon keep it right in place. Y'all wanna make it a nude beach, here go my barely covered PP - it's a nude beach now. And if y'all look over and wanna snicker and giggle I'm look at u deadass and say "I have to do this. I don't want the tanlines." LetsAllBePetty AllSummer2017 TeamPenisNapkin LehGo 😍😂😂😂: corgi or snowplow DrSmashlove Shout to u ladies that suntan on your belly at the beach and untie your bikini top so u "don't get a tan line." Sureeeeeee it's for the tan line, I see u - so the triangles on the Tetas are perfectly acceptable, but God forbid u have a teensie weensie line across your back. Nah. Hell nah. Y'all ain't slick. Y'all just wanna tantalize us. Y'all just wanna lay there with perfect side boob-softness on display with that string untied so that we get aching boners picturing y'all fine asses technically naked without that string in place. Well u know what, two can play at this game. Next time I see a girl doing this imma lay right next to her, remove my swimming shorts, and lay a napkin on my PP. Just a small napkin. Not even a cloth napkin but like a cocktail napkin - them lil square joints, and imma unfold it into a big square and lay it on my junk and then apply a small paper weight to it so when the wind blow, u all like "OMG IMMA SEE HIS PP" but that paperweight gon keep it right in place. Y'all wanna make it a nude beach, here go my barely covered PP - it's a nude beach now. And if y'all look over and wanna snicker and giggle I'm look at u deadass and say "I have to do this. I don't want the tanlines." LetsAllBePetty AllSummer2017 TeamPenisNapkin LehGo 😍😂😂😂
Save
@nerdy.comic.memes - Who else was excited to see BLACK FLASH return? Short but oh so sweet @realmattletscher He is TERRIFYING! What did you guys think? Hope he crosses paths with the Flash or even Savitar?! Imagine that team up, Flash, Kid Flash, Jesse Quick, Jay Garrick, Reverse Flash AND Black Flash taking on Savitar. Could be SO EPIC. Also don't forget to click the link in my bio for our latest 🚨PODCAST 🚨episode . . . Batman superman wonderwoman aquaman justiceleague darkseid darkknight manofsteel supergirl theflash flash reverseflash kidflash flashpoint blackflash jaygarrick zoom greenarrow arrow greenlantern grantgustin melissabenoist henrycavill galgadot jasonmomoa starwars starwarsrebels starwarsthelastjedi thelastjedi darthmaul: IGINERDY COMIC MEMES COMIC HERE HAVE A SNICKERS BETTER? VESSSSITI @nerdy.comic.memes - Who else was excited to see BLACK FLASH return? Short but oh so sweet @realmattletscher He is TERRIFYING! What did you guys think? Hope he crosses paths with the Flash or even Savitar?! Imagine that team up, Flash, Kid Flash, Jesse Quick, Jay Garrick, Reverse Flash AND Black Flash taking on Savitar. Could be SO EPIC. Also don't forget to click the link in my bio for our latest 🚨PODCAST 🚨episode . . . Batman superman wonderwoman aquaman justiceleague darkseid darkknight manofsteel supergirl theflash flash reverseflash kidflash flashpoint blackflash jaygarrick zoom greenarrow arrow greenlantern grantgustin melissabenoist henrycavill galgadot jasonmomoa starwars starwarsrebels starwarsthelastjedi thelastjedi darthmaul

@nerdy.comic.memes - Who else was excited to see BLACK FLASH return? Short but oh so sweet @realmattletscher He is TERRIFYING! What did y...

Save
Who else was excited to see BLACK FLASH return? Short but oh so sweet @realmattletscher He is TERRIFYING! What did you guys think? Hope he crosses paths with the Flash or even Savitar?! Imagine that team up, Flash, Kid Flash, Jesse Quick, Jay Garrick, Reverse Flash AND Black Flash taking on Savitar. Could be SO EPIC. Also don't forget to click the link in my bio for our latest 🚨PODCAST 🚨episode . . . Batman superman wonderwoman aquaman justiceleague darkseid darkknight manofsteel supergirl theflash flash reverseflash kidflash flashpoint blackflash jaygarrick zoom greenarrow arrow greenlantern grantgustin melissabenoist henrycavill galgadot jasonmomoa starwars starwarsrebels starwarsthelastjedi thelastjedi darthmaul: IGINERDY COMIC MEMES COMIC HERE HAVE A SNICKERS BETTER? VESSSSITI Who else was excited to see BLACK FLASH return? Short but oh so sweet @realmattletscher He is TERRIFYING! What did you guys think? Hope he crosses paths with the Flash or even Savitar?! Imagine that team up, Flash, Kid Flash, Jesse Quick, Jay Garrick, Reverse Flash AND Black Flash taking on Savitar. Could be SO EPIC. Also don't forget to click the link in my bio for our latest 🚨PODCAST 🚨episode . . . Batman superman wonderwoman aquaman justiceleague darkseid darkknight manofsteel supergirl theflash flash reverseflash kidflash flashpoint blackflash jaygarrick zoom greenarrow arrow greenlantern grantgustin melissabenoist henrycavill galgadot jasonmomoa starwars starwarsrebels starwarsthelastjedi thelastjedi darthmaul

Who else was excited to see BLACK FLASH return? Short but oh so sweet @realmattletscher He is TERRIFYING! What did you guys think? Hope h...

Save