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Ass, Beautiful, and Butt: did you know? did-you-kno.tumblr.com During a battle in 603 BC, Chinese warrior Xiong Yiliao stepped out between the armies and started juggling 9 balls. The opposing troops were so amazed that all 500 of them turned and fled did-you-kno.tumblr.com didyouknowblog.com facebook.com/didyouknowblog optimysticals: uovoc: konec0: sleepyferret: shitfacedanon: dat-soldier: sonnetscrewdriver: dat-soldier: did-you-kno: Source back the fuck up There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up. So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him. The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off. Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes. did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out This just keeps getting better I fucking love history. ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire. The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked. On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro” and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing. and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave. Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.  and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked. Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river. Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.  Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows. Zhuge Liang is legend. I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.
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Ass, Beautiful, and Butt: did you know? did-you-kno.tumblr.com During a battle in 603 BC, Chinese warrior Xiong Yiliao stepped out between the armies and started juggling 9 balls. The opposing troops were so amazed that all 500 of them turned and fled did-you-kno.tumblr.com didyouknowblog.com facebook.com/didyouknowblog idontevenhaveone: etienne-bessette: futureevilscientist: optimysticals: uovoc: konec0: sleepyferret: shitfacedanon: dat-soldier: sonnetscrewdriver: dat-soldier: did-you-kno: Source back the fuck up There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up. So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him. The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off. Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes. did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out This just keeps getting better I fucking love history. ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire. The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked. On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro” and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing. and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave. Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.  and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked. Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river. Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.  Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows. Zhuge Liang is legend. I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History. If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff. Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this: Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang @admiraloblivious we’re finding this movie and watching it asap Ffffff-
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Appalled, Ass, and Bad: Lauren Sewing Cloth Menstrual Pads 3 hrs- Laurel Park, VA - Ok, so I've got to ask. What exactly are postpartum pads for..? I'm due in January and I have a feeling people aren't telling me about something that happens to your body after childbirth. Is it that you can't hold your pee very well or is it blood? Comment Like poetrypirate: eevee-morgan: brandx: deanplease: dreaminpng: un-ptit-spleen: petitedeath: kaxen: typingsdrawings: slushiebear: rosietwiggs: love-pro-choice: evashandor: skeleton-warrior: wtfzurtopic: sora2522: gallicinvasion: gallicinvasion: Another woman utterly failed by our society’s devaluation of women’s reproductive health. We can’t wait around for male doctors to decide what we need to know. This is why we need to take control and educate ourselves about our own bodies. and here’s some comments i saw under the post. why is this a pattern?? why is this a recurring theme?? why is this information not common knowledge? what the fuck are doctors doing?? This is news to me so let’s share it so people will know! Gross tmi: but i passed a pretty big clot after having my daughter. It was about the size of a baseball. It actually hurt worse because while 15 hours of labor opened my cervix, i passed the clot in 30 minutes. I knew it was a possibility because of my midwife and reading, but everyone Ive told after this (mostly other pregnant women) were shocked that this could happen. In our culture, it’s much more common to do deep research about what family cars we want to buy than we do about childbirth when we ’re pregnant. Tmi: I passed a huge clot after birth in the bathroom of my hospital room and called the nurse sobbing because I didn’t know it was normal. She treated me like an idiot, but NO ONE told me it was a possibility. And the pain associated with healing for the first couple of weeks after birth was worse than the labor imo. Again, I had no idea. They didn’t tell me a thing besides “sitz bath regularly and change your pads.” Before discharging me from the hospital. I was most definitely told about this in school. Fucking hell, 4-6 weeks of bleeding? My periods were/are bad enough, why the hell don’t we get told this? I didn’t know it could last so long, wtf? Is the bleeding inevitable after birth?  Bleeding is inevitable after birth - your uterine wall is shedding a fuck ton of lining. It can last from three to six weeks (possible longer) and it tapers off. More TMI - I passed a MASSIVE clot after my fourth birth. At this point I already knew this could happen - it’s normal. What I DIDN’T know, was that I had caused it. My post birth contractions were so bad after the birth that it felt like full transition labor. And they don’t give you anything for the pain. So I used a hot water bottle, without the nurses knowing, and it caused me to bleed even more. I lost so much blood that by the first time they sat me up to go to the bathroom, I fainted. It took three more tries until I could sit up. Anyway, that’s not the point. The point is, the next morning I passed a clot the SIZE OF ANOTHER PLACENTA I KID YOU NOT, and I know what is and is not normal. So I called for the nurse and through the door told her I had passed a huge clot, and her response was - “It’s not big. I know what big is.” She hadn’t even looked. So I rolled my eyes and said, “Yeah, no. It’s big, I’m telling you.” So, sounding extremely put upon, she asked me to open the door. I did, and after a long pause she goes, “Okay, yeah, that’s a little big.” YOU DON’T SAY. The point I’m trying to get across is that this shit is so common - women not knowing this stuff is so expected, and it keeps getting reinforced. People don’t expect you to know anything, don’t teach you anything, and then make you feel like you’re totally ignorant and a burden for your lack of knowledge when THEY WON’T SHARE. Fucking learn EVERYTHING you can when it comes to childbirth, girls. It is the single most empowering thing you can do for yourself. And if you missed something, that’s okay. But the more knowledge you arm yourself with, the more in control of your situation you’ll be. A few post partum tips: DON’T use a hot water bottle - lol. ONLY pads - NO tampons. Tampons can cause severe infection, not to mention, you probably don’t want to be shoving anything up there any time soon. If you’ve had stitches, sitz baths DO help relieve the pain. Another great pain reliever? Dampen some pads and freeze them. Let one thaw slightly and use it on top of another pad. This will help with the pain as well as reduce swelling. Change the pad out as soon as it’s thawed completely. This REALLY helps on the first couple days after giving birth. If you pass a clot, don’t sweat it. Even the one I passed, which was fucking massive, just required that we keep an eye out to make sure it didn’t happen again. If it does, talk to your doctor. Take a pain killer half an hour before nursing. Because YES - your uterus is contracting after you give birth, to get back to its original size, and nursing causes much stronger contractions. Taking nursing-safe painkillers won’t prevent the pain, but it will reduce it.  Buy disposable underwear for the first few days after birth. They will get VERY dirty. Or use your ratty old pairs that you’re ready to get rid of. Double up on pads - line them all the way up your ass-crack. I am so serious. And wear dark pants. Pee in the shower. You do NOT want to wipe down there right after birth because ow. Peeing in the shower lets you just rinse afterwards. Especially if you’ve had stitches, peeing in the shower, with the shower-head rinsing AS you go, keeps stinging to a minimum. And fuck everyone else - keep on peeing in the shower until you feel ready to move back to toilet paper. Middle of the night and need to pee? Get your pants off - get in the shower and just go. This is just a few things, but PLEASE feel free to send me an ask if you have any questions about ANYTHING childbirth/pregnancy/nursing related. I have four incredible kids. I’ve done it all - c-section, vacuume birth, episiotimy, stitches, with an epidural, without an epidural. I’m here. ….I know I keep reblogging this but people keep adding super important information. I feel like no one tells women this stuff because if a woman was even a little on the fence about having a baby before this would kinda make them run for the damn hills. …..you are correct, typing. 300% EXTRA SURE I’M NOT HAVING BABIES.  peri bottles, witch hazel or anti-pain anticeptic spray are your friends. Also passing large clots after birth is a WARNING SIGN. Bigger than a half dollar is a sign that you have not passed your entire placenta (this is most common in hospital vaginal births where the mother is not allowed to naturally birth the placenta and instead has it ripped out by the doctor) if there is any placenta left in your uterus you can get extremely ill. This happened to both myself and my mother in law WOW I didn’t know any of this and I’m terrified of what more I’m unaware of about my own body :( Honestly when will we fucking abolish this taboo about the female body… I had pretty great sex ed in school (lots of contraceptive information, and totally acknowledged that teenagers might have sex) and all of this is news to me. And, as a 28-year-old person with a uterus, I’m extremely appalled I’m just learning this. Long, but very important information, even for those who don’t plan to have children, because you will almost certainly know someone who will, and you might be able to to help them. Or at least increase your level of empathy for them. …HOLY HELL. REBLOG TO SAVE A LIFE, SERIOUSLY. people loooove to make out like pregnancy and childbirth are this beautiful thing that a woman’s body is made to do, and leave out all this incredibly important and scary info. the healthcare system fails women in so so many ways, especially around sexual and reproductive health, and it needs to stop. What the fuck first of allSecond Idk if having a kid is worth this now.
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Being Alone, Apparently, and Bored: <p><a href="http://haul-e-berry.tumblr.com/post/137527990881/liftliketheresnolp-the-bag-and-my-ulta" class="tumblr_blog">haul-e-berry</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://liftliketheresnolp.tumblr.com/post/137526892143">liftliketheresnolp</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><b>The Bag (and my Ulta routine) </b></p> <p>Here it is guys, the Mary Poppins/Hermione magic bag. Hopefully the picture with the door gives you an accurate size comparison. Bags are surprisingly hard to photograph. It’s pretty big though and can fit a fuck ton of stuff in it. It’s from Target. They have a lot of great lifting bags there honestly. I like this one because it’s unstructured so you can make it look smaller and it’s a neutral tone that’s not in your face. I also wear a lot of black and put it over my shoulder so I can hide its size pretty easily. I honestly never feel sus with this bag. I started using it mostly at Walmart, but now I use it at bookstores, Ulta, and the mall. </p> <p>As for Ulta, this is my routine. Keep in mind 90% of the time I’m with my male lift partner who is a good lookout for me. I honestly don’t think I would be able to get the entire Ulta tote without a lookout. So basically, we walk in, I say hi to the SAs (remember to be nice, this seriously helps!), grab a tote and go to the Urban Decay section. Someone will usually ask if I need help finding anything and I just politely say “just browsing, but thank you!” remember to smile and thank them! They are just doing their job. After this, I’m usually left alone. I look around, pick up whatever I want. My partner lets me know if any SAs are looking at me and when they’re not, I put stuff in the tote. It’s important that you kind of hide the tote on your arm behind your purse, this way employees actually have to look to see what you have and honestly they don’t care enough. This weekend, I was able to clear out the Brow Wiz display because he kept an eye out for me and the SAs were busy with other things.</p> <p>I check for tags as I’m going. Usually, only Urban Decay palettes and Anastasia contour kits are tagged (as well as high end skincare, if that’s what you’re there for). Nothing else has been in my experience, but it’s always good to give the package a once over. Just act like you’re looking at the ingredients list or something. Tags will always be on the outside. With contour kits, look inside the outer sleeve, because they’re sneaky and put them there sometimes. But if there’s not an outer sleeve, you should be good. The only things that are source tagged are apparently hair irons and Clarisonics (I’ve not lifted either of these things however so this is just what I heard)</p> <p>I pretty much fill up my tote with whatever I want throughout the store. Usually it’s just high end makeup to boost, but occasionally I need hair or skin care stuff or I want a drugstore item so I get those first. My go to blind spots can usually be found in high end hair care or the drugstore body care stuff/self tanner/hair accessories section. It’s slightly different at every location but I have yet to find one without at least one true blind spot. I go to my blind spot and my partner looks out for me while I crouch down to look at a product or something. I quickly bunch up the top of the tote and stuff it in my bag. It fits comfortably, even if the tote is full. I make sure to zip my bag so nothing sticks out and I put it back on the crook of my arm just like it was the whole time. Usually, we go look at drugstore makeup at the front for a minute or two and leave. I typically wait until there is someone checking out at the register just so the SA at the checkout is occupied and then I leave. I’ve only ever beeped once and the one time I did I just kept walking and it was fine. </p> <p>As for my partner, he is very good at acting. It helps that we’re in our 20s and look like we’re dating because he plays the annoyed boyfriend act. While I’m looking at stuff, he sits down in one of the makeup chairs and plays with his phone or watch while subtly watching for SAs. If an SA looks toward us, he kind of rubs his head and huffs and that tends to make them look away. I can honestly say the SAs have been far less likely to talk to me with him because they don’t want to interrupt something. When I go alone, they tend to talk to me casually (not because they’re sus or anything) about my makeup look or my hair or whatever. It’s just friendly conversation and I’m sure it’s just because they’re bored and genuinely like my shirt or necklace or whatever, but the process is far easier when they ignore you. We also make sure to talk to each other on the way out because again, SAs are less likely to talk to you if you’re already talking to someone else. Another good thing about having him there is he provides additional coverage as I’m filling up throughout the store. If an SA gets close or starts talking to us, he moves or angles his body to obscure my bag from their view. I’ve literally never felt nervous walking out of Ulta. SAs don’t talk to me more than twice when I’m in a store and I usually get in and out in about 15 minutes because we’ve basically got it down to a science. </p> <p>Remember to dress nicely (no sweatpants jfc) and wear some kind of makeup (don’t look like a noob because they will target you and try to teach you about the products. Dress like you know what you’re looking for) and be nice to employees! They work a shitty job for a shitty company so don’t be rude to them just because you want to fuck the company. Tbh, they probably want to steal from Ulta just like you do. </p> </blockquote> <p>Reblogging to read later</p></blockquote> <p>You bloody morons realize the only people that are going to suffer for your behavior are those poor employees you claim to care so much about right? They&rsquo;re the ones that are going to get their pay and hours docked because you greedy little shits think you&rsquo;re &ldquo;fighting the man&rdquo; by shoplifting. You make me sick.</p>
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Dude, Fucking, and Love: <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://feministrepublican.tumblr.com/post/34798210117/callmekitto-gawkercom-president-obama">feministrepublican</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://callmekitto.tumblr.com/post/34771701429/gawkercom-president-obama-comforts-a-woman-in">callmekitto</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://updates.gawker.com/post/34770881998/president-obama-comforts-a-woman-in-new-jersey">gawkercom</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>President Obama comforts a woman in New Jersey whose marina was damaged by Hurricane Sandy.</p> <p>As the <em>Wall Street Journal</em>’s Jeff Yang put it, “If enough people see it, this is the photo that singlehandedly re-elects Barack Obama.”</p> <p>[<em><a href="https://twitter.com/shama_ny/status/264033546690256896/photo/1">Twitter</a> via AP</em>]</p> </blockquote> <p>Look, I don’t think Obama’s a perfect president. But as a dude? I think he’s pretty fuckin’ awesome. And I’d rather have a theoretically so-so president in office with a good heart than a devil I don’t know who literally doesn’t give a shit about my rights.</p> </blockquote> <p><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mcu5o49k901rvjavv.jpg"/></p> <p>Romney is doing everything he can to help with hurricane relief. He doesn’t have the power that Obama does to do the exact same as him, but he’s doing a fuck ton more than you or anyone you know probably is. </p> <p>But yeah. He’s a fucking devil. So what the fuck does that make you?</p> </blockquote> <p>I love how you guys just conveniently forget everything good thing Romney&rsquo;s done or else accuse him of not being sincere about it. Oh but &ldquo;Obamas is the besteset person!!!&quot; </p>
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