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        What I'm tryina wake up to: 👆. What I actually wake up to: aggressively clutching a big ass pillow for safety sweaty AF because 'Stranger Things' giving me nightmares now NOBODY TOLD ME THIS SHOW WAS SCARY I THOUGHT IT WAS ABOUT A LIL GIRL WHO LOOK LIKE A BOY AND DO SUPER POWER SHIT WITH HER BRAIN BUT NAH ISS MONSTERS AND UNDERWORLDS AND PEOPLE GETTING KILLT - WHEN I WAS A BOY AND I WATCHED UNSOLVED MYSTERIES WITH THE OLD WHITE DUDE WITH THE FREDDY COUGAR FACE AND I SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF MYSELF I'D GO PILE INTO THE BED MY SISTERS SLEPT IN BUT I'M A GROWN MAN NOW AND THEY DON'T LIVE CLOSE AND ALSO THEY GOT HUSBANDS AND SHIT - FUCK YALL EXPECT ME TO DO DAMMIT THE SLIMY NO FACE DUDE GOT ME SHOOK - FUCK U, NETFLIX - THIS SHIT IS NOT "CHILL" AT ALL 😫😂😂😂 (📸: Reddit u-pappy_smith): This is the face l wake up to every
 morning.
What I'm tryina wake up to: 👆. What I actually wake up to: aggressively clutching a big ass pillow for safety sweaty AF because 'Stranger Things' giving me nightmares now NOBODY TOLD ME THIS SHOW WAS SCARY I THOUGHT IT WAS ABOUT A LIL GIRL WHO LOOK LIKE A BOY AND DO SUPER POWER SHIT WITH HER BRAIN BUT NAH ISS MONSTERS AND UNDERWORLDS AND PEOPLE GETTING KILLT - WHEN I WAS A BOY AND I WATCHED UNSOLVED MYSTERIES WITH THE OLD WHITE DUDE WITH THE FREDDY COUGAR FACE AND I SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF MYSELF I'D GO PILE INTO THE BED MY SISTERS SLEPT IN BUT I'M A GROWN MAN NOW AND THEY DON'T LIVE CLOSE AND ALSO THEY GOT HUSBANDS AND SHIT - FUCK YALL EXPECT ME TO DO DAMMIT THE SLIMY NO FACE DUDE GOT ME SHOOK - FUCK U, NETFLIX - THIS SHIT IS NOT "CHILL" AT ALL 😫😂😂😂 (📸: Reddit u-pappy_smith)
        

            
            

                
                
                    What I'm tryina wake up to: 👆. What I actually wake up to: aggressively clutching a big ass pillow for safety sweaty AF because 'Stranger Things' giving me nightmares now NOBODY TOLD ME THIS SHOW WAS SCARY I THOUGHT IT WAS ABOUT A LIL GIRL WHO LOOK LIKE A BOY AND DO SUPER POWER SHIT WITH HER BRAIN BUT NAH ISS MONSTERS AND UNDERWORLDS AND PEOPLE GETTING KILLT - WHEN I WAS A BOY AND I WATCHED UNSOLVED MYSTERIES WITH THE OLD WHITE DUDE WITH THE FREDDY COUGAR FACE AND I SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF MYSELF I'D GO PILE INTO THE BED MY SISTERS SLEPT IN BUT I'M A GROWN MAN NOW AND THEY DON'T LIVE CLOSE AND ALSO THEY GOT HUSBANDS AND SHIT - FUCK YALL EXPECT ME TO DO DAMMIT THE SLIMY NO FACE DUDE GOT ME SHOOK - FUCK U, NETFLIX - THIS SHIT IS NOT "CHILL" AT ALL 😫😂😂😂 (📸: Reddit u-pappy_smith): This is the face l wake up to every
 morning.
What I'm tryina wake up to: 👆. What I actually wake up to: aggressively clutching a big ass pillow for safety sweaty AF because 'Stranger Things' giving me nightmares now NOBODY TOLD ME THIS SHOW WAS SCARY I THOUGHT IT WAS ABOUT A LIL GIRL WHO LOOK LIKE A BOY AND DO SUPER POWER SHIT WITH HER BRAIN BUT NAH ISS MONSTERS AND UNDERWORLDS AND PEOPLE GETTING KILLT - WHEN I WAS A BOY AND I WATCHED UNSOLVED MYSTERIES WITH THE OLD WHITE DUDE WITH THE FREDDY COUGAR FACE AND I SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF MYSELF I'D GO PILE INTO THE BED MY SISTERS SLEPT IN BUT I'M A GROWN MAN NOW AND THEY DON'T LIVE CLOSE AND ALSO THEY GOT HUSBANDS AND SHIT - FUCK YALL EXPECT ME TO DO DAMMIT THE SLIMY NO FACE DUDE GOT ME SHOOK - FUCK U, NETFLIX - THIS SHIT IS NOT "CHILL" AT ALL 😫😂😂😂 (📸: Reddit u-pappy_smith)
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
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        I'm at an age now where if the homies wanna go out to eat and the restaurant ain't got a southwest chicken salad imma strongly consider not going. Like I'm just being honest. It's a small menu addition. Give me some lettuce grilled chicken corn and tortilla skrips and I'm good money. That's a restaurant I like. U know what restaurants I don't like? Ones that don't have a southwest chicken salad 😂. Like cmon! This shit easy bruh! "But smash that's unreasonable what if it's a sushi spot." Well now hol up for a second hol up. When I hit Blue Ribbon Sushi in Miami Beach they got the fried chicken on deck. I was hesitant to mix sushi and fried chicken but low key? Shit was fire. And other sushi joints be doing the sashimi tacos. If y'all gon do soul food and Mexican fusion food then FUCK AROUND AND MAKE ME A SOUTHWEST CHICKEN SALAD DAMMIT 😄. Because sometimes I have those days where I didn't work out and I meet the homies for food and I didn't earn a big fatty cheat meal but I still want something satisfying and reasonably healthy. I want that southwest. Mother. Fucking. Chicken. Salad 🤗. U restaurants been put on notice. If u become one of them restaurants that's part of the 90% that fail in the first year of they existence don't DM me like "smash what did I do wrong I served delicious authentic coastal Greek food focusing on fresh wild-caught fish prepared in light olive oil and we had a great first week but then...?" My first question gon be whether u had a southwest chicken salad? THOUGHT NOT. ALL THE DOCTOR CAN DO IS GIVE YALL THE MEDICINE YALL GOTTA TAKE IT THO BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂: me: *sees a 150lb dog*
 me: awww da little puppyyy
 @DrSmashlove
I'm at an age now where if the homies wanna go out to eat and the restaurant ain't got a southwest chicken salad imma strongly consider not going. Like I'm just being honest. It's a small menu addition. Give me some lettuce grilled chicken corn and tortilla skrips and I'm good money. That's a restaurant I like. U know what restaurants I don't like? Ones that don't have a southwest chicken salad 😂. Like cmon! This shit easy bruh! "But smash that's unreasonable what if it's a sushi spot." Well now hol up for a second hol up. When I hit Blue Ribbon Sushi in Miami Beach they got the fried chicken on deck. I was hesitant to mix sushi and fried chicken but low key? Shit was fire. And other sushi joints be doing the sashimi tacos. If y'all gon do soul food and Mexican fusion food then FUCK AROUND AND MAKE ME A SOUTHWEST CHICKEN SALAD DAMMIT 😄. Because sometimes I have those days where I didn't work out and I meet the homies for food and I didn't earn a big fatty cheat meal but I still want something satisfying and reasonably healthy. I want that southwest. Mother. Fucking. Chicken. Salad 🤗. U restaurants been put on notice. If u become one of them restaurants that's part of the 90% that fail in the first year of they existence don't DM me like "smash what did I do wrong I served delicious authentic coastal Greek food focusing on fresh wild-caught fish prepared in light olive oil and we had a great first week but then...?" My first question gon be whether u had a southwest chicken salad? THOUGHT NOT. ALL THE DOCTOR CAN DO IS GIVE YALL THE MEDICINE YALL GOTTA TAKE IT THO BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂
        

            
            

                
                
                    I'm at an age now where if the homies wanna go out to eat and the restaurant ain't got a southwest chicken salad imma strongly consider not going. Like I'm just being honest. It's a small menu addition. Give me some lettuce grilled chicken corn and tortilla skrips and I'm good money. That's a restaurant I like. U know what restaurants I don't like? Ones that don't have a southwest chicken salad 😂. Like cmon! This shit easy bruh! "But smash that's unreasonable what if it's a sushi spot." Well now hol up for a second hol up. When I hit Blue Ribbon Sushi in Miami Beach they got the fried chicken on deck. I was hesitant to mix sushi and fried chicken but low key? Shit was fire. And other sushi joints be doing the sashimi tacos. If y'all gon do soul food and Mexican fusion food then FUCK AROUND AND MAKE ME A SOUTHWEST CHICKEN SALAD DAMMIT 😄. Because sometimes I have those days where I didn't work out and I meet the homies for food and I didn't earn a big fatty cheat meal but I still want something satisfying and reasonably healthy. I want that southwest. Mother. Fucking. Chicken. Salad 🤗. U restaurants been put on notice. If u become one of them restaurants that's part of the 90% that fail in the first year of they existence don't DM me like "smash what did I do wrong I served delicious authentic coastal Greek food focusing on fresh wild-caught fish prepared in light olive oil and we had a great first week but then...?" My first question gon be whether u had a southwest chicken salad? THOUGHT NOT. ALL THE DOCTOR CAN DO IS GIVE YALL THE MEDICINE YALL GOTTA TAKE IT THO BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂: me: *sees a 150lb dog*
 me: awww da little puppyyy
 @DrSmashlove
I'm at an age now where if the homies wanna go out to eat and the restaurant ain't got a southwest chicken salad imma strongly consider not going. Like I'm just being honest. It's a small menu addition. Give me some lettuce grilled chicken corn and tortilla skrips and I'm good money. That's a restaurant I like. U know what restaurants I don't like? Ones that don't have a southwest chicken salad 😂. Like cmon! This shit easy bruh! "But smash that's unreasonable what if it's a sushi spot." Well now hol up for a second hol up. When I hit Blue Ribbon Sushi in Miami Beach they got the fried chicken on deck. I was hesitant to mix sushi and fried chicken but low key? Shit was fire. And other sushi joints be doing the sashimi tacos. If y'all gon do soul food and Mexican fusion food then FUCK AROUND AND MAKE ME A SOUTHWEST CHICKEN SALAD DAMMIT 😄. Because sometimes I have those days where I didn't work out and I meet the homies for food and I didn't earn a big fatty cheat meal but I still want something satisfying and reasonably healthy. I want that southwest. Mother. Fucking. Chicken. Salad 🤗. U restaurants been put on notice. If u become one of them restaurants that's part of the 90% that fail in the first year of they existence don't DM me like "smash what did I do wrong I served delicious authentic coastal Greek food focusing on fresh wild-caught fish prepared in light olive oil and we had a great first week but then...?" My first question gon be whether u had a southwest chicken salad? THOUGHT NOT. ALL THE DOCTOR CAN DO IS GIVE YALL THE MEDICINE YALL GOTTA TAKE IT THO BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
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        So I'm on the stairmaster tryina knock out this 103 steps per minute for 45 min right and I get to minute 38 and I'm cot damn feeling like I won't make it. My lungs are now coughing to try to draw air inside my body is like "MF WE WILL GO ON STRIKE U CAN ONLY PUT US THRU SO MUCH WE HAVE APPROVAL AT THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF LOCAL 183 ELECTRICIANS BROTHERHOOD TO SHUT YO ASS DOWN BELEE DAT SHIT." But nah I kept going bc I AIN NO BISH (also, I'm stupid 🤗). So the pretty lil woman next to me say "sir.........are you ok(?)" And I wanted to be like "BISH DON'T U SEE MY SPEED RN? I AIN'T DOING 65 STEPS PER MINUTE LIKE U WHICH IS A RESPECTABLE SPEED FOR KICKING YOUR LEGS OUT BEHIND U TO BUILD THAT UNDERBUTT-CREASE BC U TRYING TO GET A ASS THE NATURAL WAY AND NOT THE KARDASHIAN POOPY DIAPER SURGERY WAY BUT THIS SHIT LIKE SPRINTING UP A MOUNTAIN COT DAMMIT YES I'M OK LET A BROTHER BREAVE 😤." But I didn't say that. I didn't say that shit at all 😂. I said "ayeeee you don't have to call me sir! I'm not THAT old. I only have six grandkids ... THAT I KNOW ABOUT LOL LEMME STOP LYING I AIN OLD ENUF TO BE A GRANDPA HAHAHAHA I'M STUPID WYD THO." And she immeejally reply "ha! You got me beat. My first grand kid was just born so I have a while before I catch up!" Hold the damn phone bruh. She was pretty AF too. Like the math ain een make no damn sense. She 30? What did she do, have a daughter at age 15 and then THAT daughter had a baby at age 15? Or maybe she 45? Like she Lululemon down - and where she get the money for all this? And then I pictured her meeting a sweet old glucose guardian who was like "I don't mind that you have kids - I never wanted them - but I'll treat yours like mine ☺️" and took care of her and now she living good AND THEN I REALIZED MAYBE SHE GOT HER OWN DAMN MONEY WHY SHE GOTTA BE A KEPT WOMAN MAYBE SHE INDEPENDENT AF SHAME ON ME SMASH FOR ASSUMING SHIT. Then I said "LOL NO WAY YOU'RE GORGEOUS! 😬" That's all I said. And then she said "aw bless your heart you're cute LOL." That was it. If u think I'm not gonna share my nonsensical stories with y'all YALL ARE WRONG I SHARE THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE MEANINGLESS BLESS UP 😂😂😂: Trang Nguyern
 @trangnnguyenn
 we our Chacos
 @DrSmashlove
So I'm on the stairmaster tryina knock out this 103 steps per minute for 45 min right and I get to minute 38 and I'm cot damn feeling like I won't make it. My lungs are now coughing to try to draw air inside my body is like "MF WE WILL GO ON STRIKE U CAN ONLY PUT US THRU SO MUCH WE HAVE APPROVAL AT THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF LOCAL 183 ELECTRICIANS BROTHERHOOD TO SHUT YO ASS DOWN BELEE DAT SHIT." But nah I kept going bc I AIN NO BISH (also, I'm stupid 🤗). So the pretty lil woman next to me say "sir.........are you ok(?)" And I wanted to be like "BISH DON'T U SEE MY SPEED RN? I AIN'T DOING 65 STEPS PER MINUTE LIKE U WHICH IS A RESPECTABLE SPEED FOR KICKING YOUR LEGS OUT BEHIND U TO BUILD THAT UNDERBUTT-CREASE BC U TRYING TO GET A ASS THE NATURAL WAY AND NOT THE KARDASHIAN POOPY DIAPER SURGERY WAY BUT THIS SHIT LIKE SPRINTING UP A MOUNTAIN COT DAMMIT YES I'M OK LET A BROTHER BREAVE 😤." But I didn't say that. I didn't say that shit at all 😂. I said "ayeeee you don't have to call me sir! I'm not THAT old. I only have six grandkids ... THAT I KNOW ABOUT LOL LEMME STOP LYING I AIN OLD ENUF TO BE A GRANDPA HAHAHAHA I'M STUPID WYD THO." And she immeejally reply "ha! You got me beat. My first grand kid was just born so I have a while before I catch up!" Hold the damn phone bruh. She was pretty AF too. Like the math ain een make no damn sense. She 30? What did she do, have a daughter at age 15 and then THAT daughter had a baby at age 15? Or maybe she 45? Like she Lululemon down - and where she get the money for all this? And then I pictured her meeting a sweet old glucose guardian who was like "I don't mind that you have kids - I never wanted them - but I'll treat yours like mine ☺️" and took care of her and now she living good AND THEN I REALIZED MAYBE SHE GOT HER OWN DAMN MONEY WHY SHE GOTTA BE A KEPT WOMAN MAYBE SHE INDEPENDENT AF SHAME ON ME SMASH FOR ASSUMING SHIT. Then I said "LOL NO WAY YOU'RE GORGEOUS! 😬" That's all I said. And then she said "aw bless your heart you're cute LOL." That was it. If u think I'm not gonna share my nonsensical stories with y'all YALL ARE WRONG I SHARE THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE MEANINGLESS BLESS UP 😂😂😂
        

            
            

                
                
                    So I'm on the stairmaster tryina knock out this 103 steps per minute for 45 min right and I get to minute 38 and I'm cot damn feeling like I won't make it. My lungs are now coughing to try to draw air inside my body is like "MF WE WILL GO ON STRIKE U CAN ONLY PUT US THRU SO MUCH WE HAVE APPROVAL AT THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF LOCAL 183 ELECTRICIANS BROTHERHOOD TO SHUT YO ASS DOWN BELEE DAT SHIT." But nah I kept going bc I AIN NO BISH (also, I'm stupid 🤗). So the pretty lil woman next to me say "sir.........are you ok(?)" And I wanted to be like "BISH DON'T U SEE MY SPEED RN? I AIN'T DOING 65 STEPS PER MINUTE LIKE U WHICH IS A RESPECTABLE SPEED FOR KICKING YOUR LEGS OUT BEHIND U TO BUILD THAT UNDERBUTT-CREASE BC U TRYING TO GET A ASS THE NATURAL WAY AND NOT THE KARDASHIAN POOPY DIAPER SURGERY WAY BUT THIS SHIT LIKE SPRINTING UP A MOUNTAIN COT DAMMIT YES I'M OK LET A BROTHER BREAVE 😤." But I didn't say that. I didn't say that shit at all 😂. I said "ayeeee you don't have to call me sir! I'm not THAT old. I only have six grandkids ... THAT I KNOW ABOUT LOL LEMME STOP LYING I AIN OLD ENUF TO BE A GRANDPA HAHAHAHA I'M STUPID WYD THO." And she immeejally reply "ha! You got me beat. My first grand kid was just born so I have a while before I catch up!" Hold the damn phone bruh. She was pretty AF too. Like the math ain een make no damn sense. She 30? What did she do, have a daughter at age 15 and then THAT daughter had a baby at age 15? Or maybe she 45? Like she Lululemon down - and where she get the money for all this? And then I pictured her meeting a sweet old glucose guardian who was like "I don't mind that you have kids - I never wanted them - but I'll treat yours like mine ☺️" and took care of her and now she living good AND THEN I REALIZED MAYBE SHE GOT HER OWN DAMN MONEY WHY SHE GOTTA BE A KEPT WOMAN MAYBE SHE INDEPENDENT AF SHAME ON ME SMASH FOR ASSUMING SHIT. Then I said "LOL NO WAY YOU'RE GORGEOUS! 😬" That's all I said. And then she said "aw bless your heart you're cute LOL." That was it. If u think I'm not gonna share my nonsensical stories with y'all YALL ARE WRONG I SHARE THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE MEANINGLESS BLESS UP 😂😂😂: Trang Nguyern
 @trangnnguyenn
 we our Chacos
 @DrSmashlove
So I'm on the stairmaster tryina knock out this 103 steps per minute for 45 min right and I get to minute 38 and I'm cot damn feeling like I won't make it. My lungs are now coughing to try to draw air inside my body is like "MF WE WILL GO ON STRIKE U CAN ONLY PUT US THRU SO MUCH WE HAVE APPROVAL AT THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF LOCAL 183 ELECTRICIANS BROTHERHOOD TO SHUT YO ASS DOWN BELEE DAT SHIT." But nah I kept going bc I AIN NO BISH (also, I'm stupid 🤗). So the pretty lil woman next to me say "sir.........are you ok(?)" And I wanted to be like "BISH DON'T U SEE MY SPEED RN? I AIN'T DOING 65 STEPS PER MINUTE LIKE U WHICH IS A RESPECTABLE SPEED FOR KICKING YOUR LEGS OUT BEHIND U TO BUILD THAT UNDERBUTT-CREASE BC U TRYING TO GET A ASS THE NATURAL WAY AND NOT THE KARDASHIAN POOPY DIAPER SURGERY WAY BUT THIS SHIT LIKE SPRINTING UP A MOUNTAIN COT DAMMIT YES I'M OK LET A BROTHER BREAVE 😤." But I didn't say that. I didn't say that shit at all 😂. I said "ayeeee you don't have to call me sir! I'm not THAT old. I only have six grandkids ... THAT I KNOW ABOUT LOL LEMME STOP LYING I AIN OLD ENUF TO BE A GRANDPA HAHAHAHA I'M STUPID WYD THO." And she immeejally reply "ha! You got me beat. My first grand kid was just born so I have a while before I catch up!" Hold the damn phone bruh. She was pretty AF too. Like the math ain een make no damn sense. She 30? What did she do, have a daughter at age 15 and then THAT daughter had a baby at age 15? Or maybe she 45? Like she Lululemon down - and where she get the money for all this? And then I pictured her meeting a sweet old glucose guardian who was like "I don't mind that you have kids - I never wanted them - but I'll treat yours like mine ☺️" and took care of her and now she living good AND THEN I REALIZED MAYBE SHE GOT HER OWN DAMN MONEY WHY SHE GOTTA BE A KEPT WOMAN MAYBE SHE INDEPENDENT AF SHAME ON ME SMASH FOR ASSUMING SHIT. Then I said "LOL NO WAY YOU'RE GORGEOUS! 😬" That's all I said. And then she said "aw bless your heart you're cute LOL." That was it. If u think I'm not gonna share my nonsensical stories with y'all YALL ARE WRONG I SHARE THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE MEANINGLESS BLESS UP 😂😂😂
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
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        I got a lot of comments and DMs from pretty ladies from Idaho saying that everything I said about Montana was true. A few observations: (1) It is taking all the willpower in my soul to not call yall "Idahoes". I know. I KNOW. THAT SHIT IS HELLA DISRESPECTFUL. WHICH I WHY I NEVER USE "slut", "whore", or "hoe" PEJORATIVELY. But dammit "Idahoes" has such a fun ring to it 😫😂. (2) I think it's adorable AF that u Idahoes (SOMEBODY SAVE ME 😕) claim Montana. I don't blame y'all. Honestly? Other than Chicago...Illinois, Indiana and Ohio are one state. You drive across them bitches and it's zero difference. Same flat ass earth. Same couple two three restaurants at the rest stops. Coulda called the shit Illiano - in fact let's keep it 600 that name sound better anyway 😂. (3) My follower @emmyxlu who lives in Idaho or, as she calls it, "Montana's redneck cousin", advised me as follows: "Fun facts Montana didn't even have a speed limit on highways until about 20 years ago when the federal government forced them to! The speed limit was 'drive at a speed that is reasonable and prudent'." HOW COULD U NOT LOVE MONTANA. U COULD OWN A BUGATTI AND DRIVE DAT BIH 268 MPH AND AS LONG AS U CAN SPLAIN TO THE JUDGE THAT U WERE ACTING REASONABLY AND WITH PRUDENCE, NO TICKET 😂. GOD BLESS MONTANA. AF 😍😂😂😂 [p.s. Emmy just wrote me saying "Montana is the country boy that managed to go to college, and Idaho is the kid who blows up in a meth lab accident at 25." THAT'S ALL I NEEDED TO HEAR, IDAHOES I'M COMING TO U IN THE NEXT 12 CALENDAR MONTHS - I INTEND TO EAT LOTS OF POTATOES AND HAVE A LOT OF ADVENTURES SO YALL BETTER IDAHOE IT UP WHEN SMASH ARRIVE BLESS UP 😂😂😂]: After following the U.S. Marines for miles,
 they decided to picked him up..
 @DrSmashlove
I got a lot of comments and DMs from pretty ladies from Idaho saying that everything I said about Montana was true. A few observations: (1) It is taking all the willpower in my soul to not call yall "Idahoes". I know. I KNOW. THAT SHIT IS HELLA DISRESPECTFUL. WHICH I WHY I NEVER USE "slut", "whore", or "hoe" PEJORATIVELY. But dammit "Idahoes" has such a fun ring to it 😫😂. (2) I think it's adorable AF that u Idahoes (SOMEBODY SAVE ME 😕) claim Montana. I don't blame y'all. Honestly? Other than Chicago...Illinois, Indiana and Ohio are one state. You drive across them bitches and it's zero difference. Same flat ass earth. Same couple two three restaurants at the rest stops. Coulda called the shit Illiano - in fact let's keep it 600 that name sound better anyway 😂. (3) My follower @emmyxlu who lives in Idaho or, as she calls it, "Montana's redneck cousin", advised me as follows: "Fun facts Montana didn't even have a speed limit on highways until about 20 years ago when the federal government forced them to! The speed limit was 'drive at a speed that is reasonable and prudent'." HOW COULD U NOT LOVE MONTANA. U COULD OWN A BUGATTI AND DRIVE DAT BIH 268 MPH AND AS LONG AS U CAN SPLAIN TO THE JUDGE THAT U WERE ACTING REASONABLY AND WITH PRUDENCE, NO TICKET 😂. GOD BLESS MONTANA. AF 😍😂😂😂 [p.s. Emmy just wrote me saying "Montana is the country boy that managed to go to college, and Idaho is the kid who blows up in a meth lab accident at 25." THAT'S ALL I NEEDED TO HEAR, IDAHOES I'M COMING TO U IN THE NEXT 12 CALENDAR MONTHS - I INTEND TO EAT LOTS OF POTATOES AND HAVE A LOT OF ADVENTURES SO YALL BETTER IDAHOE IT UP WHEN SMASH ARRIVE BLESS UP 😂😂😂]
        

            
            

                
                
                    I got a lot of comments and DMs from pretty ladies from Idaho saying that everything I said about Montana was true. A few observations: (1) It is taking all the willpower in my soul to not call yall "Idahoes". I know. I KNOW. THAT SHIT IS HELLA DISRESPECTFUL. WHICH I WHY I NEVER USE "slut", "whore", or "hoe" PEJORATIVELY. But dammit "Idahoes" has such a fun ring to it 😫😂. (2) I think it's adorable AF that u Idahoes (SOMEBODY SAVE ME 😕) claim Montana. I don't blame y'all. Honestly? Other than Chicago...Illinois, Indiana and Ohio are one state. You drive across them bitches and it's zero difference. Same flat ass earth. Same couple two three restaurants at the rest stops. Coulda called the shit Illiano - in fact let's keep it 600 that name sound better anyway 😂. (3) My follower @emmyxlu who lives in Idaho or, as she calls it, "Montana's redneck cousin", advised me as follows: "Fun facts Montana didn't even have a speed limit on highways until about 20 years ago when the federal government forced them to! The speed limit was 'drive at a speed that is reasonable and prudent'." HOW COULD U NOT LOVE MONTANA. U COULD OWN A BUGATTI AND DRIVE DAT BIH 268 MPH AND AS LONG AS U CAN SPLAIN TO THE JUDGE THAT U WERE ACTING REASONABLY AND WITH PRUDENCE, NO TICKET 😂. GOD BLESS MONTANA. AF 😍😂😂😂 [p.s. Emmy just wrote me saying "Montana is the country boy that managed to go to college, and Idaho is the kid who blows up in a meth lab accident at 25." THAT'S ALL I NEEDED TO HEAR, IDAHOES I'M COMING TO U IN THE NEXT 12 CALENDAR MONTHS - I INTEND TO EAT LOTS OF POTATOES AND HAVE A LOT OF ADVENTURES SO YALL BETTER IDAHOE IT UP WHEN SMASH ARRIVE BLESS UP 😂😂😂]: After following the U.S. Marines for miles,
 they decided to picked him up..
 @DrSmashlove
I got a lot of comments and DMs from pretty ladies from Idaho saying that everything I said about Montana was true. A few observations: (1) It is taking all the willpower in my soul to not call yall "Idahoes". I know. I KNOW. THAT SHIT IS HELLA DISRESPECTFUL. WHICH I WHY I NEVER USE "slut", "whore", or "hoe" PEJORATIVELY. But dammit "Idahoes" has such a fun ring to it 😫😂. (2) I think it's adorable AF that u Idahoes (SOMEBODY SAVE ME 😕) claim Montana. I don't blame y'all. Honestly? Other than Chicago...Illinois, Indiana and Ohio are one state. You drive across them bitches and it's zero difference. Same flat ass earth. Same couple two three restaurants at the rest stops. Coulda called the shit Illiano - in fact let's keep it 600 that name sound better anyway 😂. (3) My follower @emmyxlu who lives in Idaho or, as she calls it, "Montana's redneck cousin", advised me as follows: "Fun facts Montana didn't even have a speed limit on highways until about 20 years ago when the federal government forced them to! The speed limit was 'drive at a speed that is reasonable and prudent'." HOW COULD U NOT LOVE MONTANA. U COULD OWN A BUGATTI AND DRIVE DAT BIH 268 MPH AND AS LONG AS U CAN SPLAIN TO THE JUDGE THAT U WERE ACTING REASONABLY AND WITH PRUDENCE, NO TICKET 😂. GOD BLESS MONTANA. AF 😍😂😂😂 [p.s. Emmy just wrote me saying "Montana is the country boy that managed to go to college, and Idaho is the kid who blows up in a meth lab accident at 25." THAT'S ALL I NEEDED TO HEAR, IDAHOES I'M COMING TO U IN THE NEXT 12 CALENDAR MONTHS - I INTEND TO EAT LOTS OF POTATOES AND HAVE A LOT OF ADVENTURES SO YALL BETTER IDAHOE IT UP WHEN SMASH ARRIVE BLESS UP 😂😂😂]
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
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        Now from what I could tell, Montana allow 11 colored people into the state at any given time 😂. So far I done seen two Asians (who looked lost AF and low key a little scared 🤗), a Mexican, a Native American, and two black dudes. The black dudes was with slightly older white women and both of them was wearing baseball caps, so I couldn't see their scalp line...which could only mean one thing...They already got to em bruh 😞. I was briefly considering flashing my phone camera light in their face to cure the brothers but a motherfucker on vacation dammit I ain't ready to be the sequel 😂. Now among this sea of comely white women in this great state Bruh I realized a trend - they got cheeks like a motherfucker 😍. At first this confounded me - was it the genetic mix? Was it evolution? Was it dietary? Does elk meat give a woman a deliciously ample posterior? None of these theories satisfied me. But then I see how they live. See Bruh in Chicago a girl roll out of bed. Walk the two blocks to work. On the way, she cop a milky, sugary mixed coffee drink. She take the train to work. She get off work she meet friends for tacos and beer at a happy hour spot. She take a uber home. If she work out then she hit a gym but otherwise her movement is limited. NOT MONTANA WOMEN BRUH. These ladies get off work and they take they big ass dog for a run on a up-hill (up-mountain?) trail. They get attacked by a bear Bruh they punch him in the grill, wrestle his ass, throw him off a cliff. They fuck around and race a coyote. Go hang off a bald eagle and fly across a forest. U feel me? Grab a deer, slit its throat, butcher the meat, cook that shit over a fire, feed they dog fresh deer meat, take its hide for warmth. She get back home she like "ok time to watch Netflix." Montana women earthy AF bruh. In chune with Mother Nature herself. And all this strenuous physical leisurely activity work they ass out magnificently 🍑. Shout to the great state of Montana. Might be the whitest place I've ever been but this particular species of white ladies got fatties on them and I for one love it bless up 🍰😍😂😂😂: it was her 16th birthday today...
 @DrSmashlove
 0
Now from what I could tell, Montana allow 11 colored people into the state at any given time 😂. So far I done seen two Asians (who looked lost AF and low key a little scared 🤗), a Mexican, a Native American, and two black dudes. The black dudes was with slightly older white women and both of them was wearing baseball caps, so I couldn't see their scalp line...which could only mean one thing...They already got to em bruh 😞. I was briefly considering flashing my phone camera light in their face to cure the brothers but a motherfucker on vacation dammit I ain't ready to be the sequel 😂. Now among this sea of comely white women in this great state Bruh I realized a trend - they got cheeks like a motherfucker 😍. At first this confounded me - was it the genetic mix? Was it evolution? Was it dietary? Does elk meat give a woman a deliciously ample posterior? None of these theories satisfied me. But then I see how they live. See Bruh in Chicago a girl roll out of bed. Walk the two blocks to work. On the way, she cop a milky, sugary mixed coffee drink. She take the train to work. She get off work she meet friends for tacos and beer at a happy hour spot. She take a uber home. If she work out then she hit a gym but otherwise her movement is limited. NOT MONTANA WOMEN BRUH. These ladies get off work and they take they big ass dog for a run on a up-hill (up-mountain?) trail. They get attacked by a bear Bruh they punch him in the grill, wrestle his ass, throw him off a cliff. They fuck around and race a coyote. Go hang off a bald eagle and fly across a forest. U feel me? Grab a deer, slit its throat, butcher the meat, cook that shit over a fire, feed they dog fresh deer meat, take its hide for warmth. She get back home she like "ok time to watch Netflix." Montana women earthy AF bruh. In chune with Mother Nature herself. And all this strenuous physical leisurely activity work they ass out magnificently 🍑. Shout to the great state of Montana. Might be the whitest place I've ever been but this particular species of white ladies got fatties on them and I for one love it bless up 🍰😍😂😂😂
        

            
            

                
                
                    Now from what I could tell, Montana allow 11 colored people into the state at any given time 😂. So far I done seen two Asians (who looked lost AF and low key a little scared 🤗), a Mexican, a Native American, and two black dudes. The black dudes was with slightly older white women and both of them was wearing baseball caps, so I couldn't see their scalp line...which could only mean one thing...They already got to em bruh 😞. I was briefly considering flashing my phone camera light in their face to cure the brothers but a motherfucker on vacation dammit I ain't ready to be the sequel 😂. Now among this sea of comely white women in this great state Bruh I realized a trend - they got cheeks like a motherfucker 😍. At first this confounded me - was it the genetic mix? Was it evolution? Was it dietary? Does elk meat give a woman a deliciously ample posterior? None of these theories satisfied me. But then I see how they live. See Bruh in Chicago a girl roll out of bed. Walk the two blocks to work. On the way, she cop a milky, sugary mixed coffee drink. She take the train to work. She get off work she meet friends for tacos and beer at a happy hour spot. She take a uber home. If she work out then she hit a gym but otherwise her movement is limited. NOT MONTANA WOMEN BRUH. These ladies get off work and they take they big ass dog for a run on a up-hill (up-mountain?) trail. They get attacked by a bear Bruh they punch him in the grill, wrestle his ass, throw him off a cliff. They fuck around and race a coyote. Go hang off a bald eagle and fly across a forest. U feel me? Grab a deer, slit its throat, butcher the meat, cook that shit over a fire, feed they dog fresh deer meat, take its hide for warmth. She get back home she like "ok time to watch Netflix." Montana women earthy AF bruh. In chune with Mother Nature herself. And all this strenuous physical leisurely activity work they ass out magnificently 🍑. Shout to the great state of Montana. Might be the whitest place I've ever been but this particular species of white ladies got fatties on them and I for one love it bless up 🍰😍😂😂😂: it was her 16th birthday today...
 @DrSmashlove
 0
Now from what I could tell, Montana allow 11 colored people into the state at any given time 😂. So far I done seen two Asians (who looked lost AF and low key a little scared 🤗), a Mexican, a Native American, and two black dudes. The black dudes was with slightly older white women and both of them was wearing baseball caps, so I couldn't see their scalp line...which could only mean one thing...They already got to em bruh 😞. I was briefly considering flashing my phone camera light in their face to cure the brothers but a motherfucker on vacation dammit I ain't ready to be the sequel 😂. Now among this sea of comely white women in this great state Bruh I realized a trend - they got cheeks like a motherfucker 😍. At first this confounded me - was it the genetic mix? Was it evolution? Was it dietary? Does elk meat give a woman a deliciously ample posterior? None of these theories satisfied me. But then I see how they live. See Bruh in Chicago a girl roll out of bed. Walk the two blocks to work. On the way, she cop a milky, sugary mixed coffee drink. She take the train to work. She get off work she meet friends for tacos and beer at a happy hour spot. She take a uber home. If she work out then she hit a gym but otherwise her movement is limited. NOT MONTANA WOMEN BRUH. These ladies get off work and they take they big ass dog for a run on a up-hill (up-mountain?) trail. They get attacked by a bear Bruh they punch him in the grill, wrestle his ass, throw him off a cliff. They fuck around and race a coyote. Go hang off a bald eagle and fly across a forest. U feel me? Grab a deer, slit its throat, butcher the meat, cook that shit over a fire, feed they dog fresh deer meat, take its hide for warmth. She get back home she like "ok time to watch Netflix." Montana women earthy AF bruh. In chune with Mother Nature herself. And all this strenuous physical leisurely activity work they ass out magnificently 🍑. Shout to the great state of Montana. Might be the whitest place I've ever been but this particular species of white ladies got fatties on them and I for one love it bless up 🍰😍😂😂😂
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
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