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Apparently, Butt, and College: Baby & Child Care Health Care Sports Ntition Personal Care w Health & Personal Care Household Supplies Vitamins & Diet Supplements Health&Household Sensal Weliness > Aduit Toys&Games Sex Toys Didos Liquid Silicone Dildo, Nabini Huge Black 12 Inch Thick Realistic Suction Cup Waterproof Dildo by NatansPc ☆☆☆☆☆-10 customer renews You Sav In Stoc Gt-wap 2 Colors Want it One Da Start AT&T LTE 12:47 PM Q Search This Thing Almost Killed My Grandmaa Ok. First off, THIS THING IS HUGE!!! I didn't realize it when ordering. But When every one left the house one dayI decided to give it the old college try. The suction cup works well, I had it stuck to my bedroom door. Ok, so when trying to use this it was really big and awkward. I was trying to back against it slowly letting my butt hole adjust to the massive width. I had my I-Pod Listening to "Eye of the Tiger" trying to get pumped for the whole thing. Well I didn't hear my grandmother come home early and apparently i was making some noise rocking back on this Mega-Dong mounted to the door, and singing along to The Theme Song to Rocky. Well my Grandma comes to investigate and jerks my door open, which snatched the toy out of my butt bringing my sphincter with it. My grandmother Freaks and Slams the Door which POWER DRIVES this thing Up my anus all the way to the base. I'm Screaming in pain, and My grand mother is yelling holding her chest. Next thing I know she collapses. So there I am with a Bleeding, Prolapsed Butt hole and my grandma on the floor. I'm in so much pain and am freaking out worrying that l've killed her. So I crawled over to her and pushed her life alert button to send the paramedics. one of which was a new guy and when I tried explaining the story he literally pissed on himself laughing Anyway they popped an ammonia capsule and brought my grandmother back. She seems ok but we haven't made eye contact for 2 weeks and my butt is a little worse for wear. And when I fart now, it sounds like a Peterbilt 379 releasing its air brakes Care ルDiet Write a comment.. Post
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Ass, Bad, and Bitch: HOW DOMINO'S PIZZA TRACKER SAVED A LIFE This is a story of why dating bipolar girls is not a good idea and how the Domino's Pizza tracker saved my life I have always been on the fence when it comes to Pizza Hut Vs. Dominos. I don't eat enough pizza from either to really have a concrete answer of which one makes a better pie. I can tell you one solid truth... As my last relationship ended and the lies, scandals and deceptions came out, after all was said and done, my psycho ex girlfriend did teach me one VERY important thing ALWAYS choose Domino's over pizza hut. I had been having trouble with my now Ex-girlfriend for quite awhile, I won't go into details, but let's just say she went crazy. I thought, simple: I'Il just break it off Wrong One Friday night, around 8:00pm, after a long week of work and incessant phone calls/psychotic voicemails from the unbalanced EX, I decided I was going to stay in, which one any weekend night is abnormal for me. Usually on weekend nights that I am in, I usually am cool with a movie, a 6 pack and a pizza. I had been ordering from Pizza Hut the last few times, but after a constant bombardment with Domino's WEVE CHANGED OUR SHIT,I SWEAR WE RE AWESOME NOW ad campaign, I decided to give it a shot Around 8pm, I went online to order my pizza I built a modest 2 topping medium pizza, and placed my order. You have to love how far we have come in the delivery pizza world Immediately afterwards, I was introduced to the piece of a software that would save my neck The Pizza Tracker Pizza tracker? Fuck yeah, the pizza tracker. If you don't know what the pizza tracker is, then get your ass online right now and order a pizza from Domino's It's the equivalent of a loading bar on a web browser, except at the end of the loading you get a delicious pizza ORDER MENU COUPONS LOCATIONS TRACKER ESPANO This is where the night got interesting. I am on my couch, one eye on "Parks and Rec the other on the pizza tracker displayed on my lap top that joined me on the couch. We had just entered stage 2. Prep. KNOCKI KNOCKI KNOCK For a split second I thought, "woh that was fast, Iput my order in 10 minutes ago and pizza tracker says it's still in stage 2 By the end of my thought, the door swung open Guess who Yep, it was my psychotic EX. Knife in hand, she starts threatening to do some pretty awful things. I try to stand up, she freaks. I stay on the couch and attempt to calm her down. She goes into a hysterical rant about us getting back together, ya right, and I glance at the pizza tracker Stage 3. Bake (Juan is putting your order in the oven) She goes on while all I can think is GO JUAN GO!!!GET THAT SHIT IN THE OVEN l try to calm her down, I stand up and she freaks out and tells me "SIT THE FUCK DOWN!! She continues on her violet outburst and I tell her we can work things out hoping to get her to calm down. It's no use. I decide I need to try and get to my phone. l inconspicuously try to look for my cell phone. Dammit! I left it my room. I am screwed. I am dead. The pizza man will get blamed for this! Oh, the poor pizza boy will be wrongfully blamed and get life in prison for what this unstable bitch is going to do to me STAGE 41 BOX FUCK YEAH! They are boxing up my pizza. Get your ass over here She continues on for another 5 minutes. Trying to make eye contact, glancing at the pizza tracker every second she looks away Stage 51 DELIVERY Alejandro is delivering your pizza GOD SPEED ALEJENDROIII MY LIFE AND YOUR FREEDOM RELY ON THIS Knowing that the Alejandro is on the way, I try and just keep her talking, but the more she talks the more enraged she gets. I try to interupt, but that just makes things worse It's been 10 minutes, Alejandro should be here any time She continues, she is yelling at the top of her lungs about the things we could have been. I am still banking that Alejandro will be here any second and save the day 10 more minutes go by Alejandro GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR SHE IS OFFICIALLY FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. She puts the knife up to her wrist and then takes it away. I am panicking. Where the fuck is Alejandro! Pizza tracker tells me we're still in stage 5. FUCK YOU PIZZA TRACKER, YOUVE BEEN IN STAGE 5 FOR 25 MINUTES!!!! I will never order from Domino's again!!! After this thought I immediately think to myself, I will be dead, so I will probably never order another pizza again. Right then, the cops come in. At gunpoint they calm her down and obtain the knife. Alejandro had shown up to the door wide open and saw psycho with the knife and went back to his 98 Honda Accord and called the cops. Domino's pizza literally saved my life. They should change the name from the pizza tracker to the savior tracker Alejandro is the true definition of a hero. In a way, Alejandro is the 5th ninja turtle. He showed up, accessed the situation, didnt panic, and saved my ass from the bad guys. Oh yeah, and he brought a fucking excellent pizza too. THIS IS THE MOST AWESOME THING I HAVE EVER READ POWER TO THE PIZZA MA THEMETAPICTURECOM srsfunny: Very Well Done Domino’s Pizza Tracker
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Ass, Bad, and Bitch: HOW DOMINO'S PIZZA TRACKER SAVED A LIFE This is a story of why dating bipolar girls is not a good idea and how the Domino's Pizza tracker saved my life I have always been on the fence when it comes to Pizza Hut Vs. Dominos. I don't eat enough pizza from either to really have a concrete answer of which one makes a better pie. I can tell you one solid truth... As my last relationship ended and the lies, scandals and deceptions came out, after all was said and done, my psycho ex girlfriend did teach me one VERY important thing ALWAYS choose Domino's over pizza hut. I had been having trouble with my now Ex-girlfriend for quite awhile, I won't go into details, but let's just say she went crazy. I thought, simple: I'Il just break it off Wrong One Friday night, around 8:00pm, after a long week of work and incessant phone calls/psychotic voicemails from the unbalanced EX, I decided I was going to stay in, which one any weekend night is abnormal for me. Usually on weekend nights that I am in, I usually am cool with a movie, a 6 pack and a pizza. I had been ordering from Pizza Hut the last few times, but after a constant bombardment with Domino's WEVE CHANGED OUR SHIT,I SWEAR WE RE AWESOME NOW ad campaign, I decided to give it a shot Around 8pm, I went online to order my pizza I built a modest 2 topping medium pizza, and placed my order. You have to love how far we have come in the delivery pizza world Immediately afterwards, I was introduced to the piece of a software that would save my neck The Pizza Tracker Pizza tracker? Fuck yeah, the pizza tracker. If you don't know what the pizza tracker is, then get your ass online right now and order a pizza from Domino's It's the equivalent of a loading bar on a web browser, except at the end of the loading you get a delicious pizza ORDER MENU COUPONS LOCATIONS TRACKER ESPANO This is where the night got interesting. I am on my couch, one eye on "Parks and Rec the other on the pizza tracker displayed on my lap top that joined me on the couch. We had just entered stage 2. Prep. KNOCKI KNOCKI KNOCK For a split second I thought, "woh that was fast, Iput my order in 10 minutes ago and pizza tracker says it's still in stage 2 By the end of my thought, the door swung open Guess who Yep, it was my psychotic EX. Knife in hand, she starts threatening to do some pretty awful things. I try to stand up, she freaks. I stay on the couch and attempt to calm her down. She goes into a hysterical rant about us getting back together, ya right, and I glance at the pizza tracker Stage 3. Bake (Juan is putting your order in the oven) She goes on while all I can think is GO JUAN GO!!!GET THAT SHIT IN THE OVEN l try to calm her down, I stand up and she freaks out and tells me "SIT THE FUCK DOWN!! She continues on her violet outburst and I tell her we can work things out hoping to get her to calm down. It's no use. I decide I need to try and get to my phone. l inconspicuously try to look for my cell phone. Dammit! I left it my room. I am screwed. I am dead. The pizza man will get blamed for this! Oh, the poor pizza boy will be wrongfully blamed and get life in prison for what this unstable bitch is going to do to me STAGE 41 BOX FUCK YEAH! They are boxing up my pizza. Get your ass over here She continues on for another 5 minutes. Trying to make eye contact, glancing at the pizza tracker every second she looks away Stage 51 DELIVERY Alejandro is delivering your pizza GOD SPEED ALEJENDROIII MY LIFE AND YOUR FREEDOM RELY ON THIS Knowing that the Alejandro is on the way, I try and just keep her talking, but the more she talks the more enraged she gets. I try to interupt, but that just makes things worse It's been 10 minutes, Alejandro should be here any time She continues, she is yelling at the top of her lungs about the things we could have been. I am still banking that Alejandro will be here any second and save the day 10 more minutes go by Alejandro GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR SHE IS OFFICIALLY FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. She puts the knife up to her wrist and then takes it away. I am panicking. Where the fuck is Alejandro! Pizza tracker tells me we're still in stage 5. FUCK YOU PIZZA TRACKER, YOUVE BEEN IN STAGE 5 FOR 25 MINUTES!!!! I will never order from Domino's again!!! After this thought I immediately think to myself, I will be dead, so I will probably never order another pizza again. Right then, the cops come in. At gunpoint they calm her down and obtain the knife. Alejandro had shown up to the door wide open and saw psycho with the knife and went back to his 98 Honda Accord and called the cops. Domino's pizza literally saved my life. They should change the name from the pizza tracker to the savior tracker Alejandro is the true definition of a hero. In a way, Alejandro is the 5th ninja turtle. He showed up, accessed the situation, didnt panic, and saved my ass from the bad guys. Oh yeah, and he brought a fucking excellent pizza too. THIS IS THE MOST AWESOME THING I HAVE EVER READ POWER TO THE PIZZA MA THEMETAPICTURECOM srsfunny:Very Well Done Domino’s Pizza Tracker
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Bitch, Douchebag, and Fucking: i never realized how much i hate modern art until i took a class in modern art t's so pretentious, like half of the pieces we've looked at have been purportedly commenting on elitism in art and income disparities when the piece itself sold for thousands of dollars to be put in a museum for rich people to look at. you're supposed to look at barren canvases with vague splotches of color and meditate on the nature of life, navelgazing for an hour. bitch I can do that in my own home for free. most of the time the pieces themselves don't require any skill, it's just an asshole with some bright idea thatno one has ever thought of before(which is bullshit, originality is a myth) and the gall to pretend that they re saying something meaningful. A bunch of postmodernists specialize in literal plagiarism but with a different title. wow so edgy. really thought provoking. you sure are making a statement that's care the most egregious example is this bullshit this is an overhead view of a plaza wherein some famous guy was commissioned to design a public art piece for. The brick and nonfunctional fountain was already there. The sculpture? a literal wall of iron bisecting the courtyard. this guy was paid over 100k to design this. Now, this is located in a city, smack dab in the middle of a bunch of office buildings. Workers who had to spend 8 hours a day 5 days a week doing menial desk jobs had to look at this ugly piece of shit. You want to have a nice picnic during lunch break with your work buddies? tough shit. You get tilted arc instead fucko. You can't see from one end of the courtyard to another because some dick thought rebar sheet metal was more important. It also impeded movement between the buildings so that you have to go around this fucking obstacle instead of just fucking walking from one side to the other So yeah, these workers got pissed, because you're making an ugly place even uglier for obscene amounts of money without thinking about the ppl who actually have to look at it every day (who had no say in the design). There have been countless studies done on stress and related health problems in office workers and having to look at ugly as sin shit like this piece of work actually contributes to stress and decreases mental and physical health (as opposed to pretty scenery or When the designer was told what people thought of his masterplece, he threw an absolute shitfit. "art doesn't have to be pretty", he said. "art isn't for the public while it is absolutely true that art doesn't have to be aesthetically pleasing to be meaningful or relevant, putting this fucking monstrosity in a place where people are forced to look at it day in day out, in addition to the ugly buildings and streets and shit that comprises the rest of their lives is just kind of a dick move. Yes, people are painfully aware that life and art and all that shit isn't always pretty, they're the ones who have to live with that fact, not some pompous asshole who thinks he's god's gift to man because he put some metal wall in a And yeah, not all art is for the public. Art can be self- expression or just for your own enjoyment. But if you are being commissioned by the state, paid hundereds of thousands of tax dollars to make a PUBLIC art piece, yeah, it's for the public! saying that other people have no say in what that public art piece looks like, implying that if other people don't like your art that they just Don't Understand True Art TM, is this hugely egotistical self-masturbatory elitism that puts the artist above the working people (when like the whole point of art is supposed to be disrupting this kind of bullshit But that's not even the best part. This fucking douchebag. upon being told that people don't want this metal wall in their courtyard and that they want him to move it, freaks the FUCK out about how he "designed it just for this space and taking it out of its context would destroy it". Which like, yeah context is important when understanding the meaning of a piece. but iterally the only meaning of this piece was "i got paid obscene amounts of money and im gonna use it to make the ugliest thing i can think of literally just because. If you move it out of the context of the plaza it wouldn't be impeding foot traffic or being an eyesore to the workers who are forced to spend thein days there, which is destroying the purpose of the work. So in the end this guy opts to have the piece destroyed rather than moved because he can't stand to have hishigh art removed from its PurposeTM which is to be unpleasant. i dont give a single goddamn fuck about whatever the fuck, if it's causing people stress on top of their already stressful lives just because you thought it would be great to create this atrocity in a place where no one can escape from, you're not advancing anything. you're just So now the space has been converted to a rather plesant little oasis with plants and lots of benches. anyways thats my dissertation on how much i hate contemporary art and find it to lack relevance or meaning to the people it supposedly represents or defends. it takes itself too seriously and imposes arbitrary and hypocritical statements on the nature of art at the expense of any real substance. in the world we live in, pretty things for the sake of being pretty, having stories that are entertaining and engaging and relatable, having fun and feeling good in a world that devalues those things, etc. are far more impactful and radical than anything sitting in a museum created by some millionaire who jacks off to their 'fine art. thanks for coming to my ted talk have a good night #"that just means you're uncultured' i literally give no fucks susan #im not interested in elitism and you can suck a dick 53,922 notes The Elitism of Art
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