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Alive, Ass, and Bad: @NikoUgy The first nigga to ever beat his meat had to be like YOODOOO0OD0ODD00oo0d OO0O000000O!l! 12/11/16, 06:48 2,585 RETWEETS 3,399 LIKES This was literally me at the age of 13 June 13 2008 2:39 pm. It was a Friday and I just came home from my last day of school. My friend isiah hooked up my MySpace page so a nigga can accumulate clout. As soon as you click my profile sponegebob and Patrick, strapped up with hella bands and two bad bitches twerking with a song from my lil Wayne play mix. When you scrolled all the way to the bottom my boy threw some porn on there for the real ones who be creeping to see who's in your top 5 of friends. I had some slow ass dial up computer my mom got from the flee market. I was home watching big wet ebonys booties vol 7. Watching asses clap with force strong enough to cause a sonic boom. Everything happen so fast. I look down making eye contact like it's o time. I swear a spirit took over me and I hit my meat with a nasty 4 piece combo. My shit felt like a volcano. I tried to stop but couldn't.Ended up pulling a plaxico burgess and took a shot to the foot. My grandma pulled up to crib swiftly. I can hear her coming down the stairs slow as fuck. My whole lower body numb. Im stuck in the chair tryna clear this sin off my screen. This computer ain't shutting off. I had to drop kick the monitor to shut off. My grandma walk in like "what you doing I bought you some Burger King". I'm using the spirit energy form my anvcestors to keep me alive. Whole nut drained my power levels. I went up stairs and fucked up them bk chicken fries. Shit was prob the greatest feeling ever. Ain't nothing like that first nut. forgot to wash my hands tho.
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Confused, Fucking, and Irs: wwow okay so yea one day in geograpny ciass we are watcning this video about volcanoes, and everyones basically falling asleep the teacher was at her desk eating her lunch whilst we were meant to be taking down notes and then my phone starts ringing in my pocket, it's on vibrate so no one else could hear it, i looked and it was an unknown number i maybe thought it was an emergancy so i thought fuck it i'll answer, this guy starts speaking and i was like who's this? he replies telling me he wants a medium pizza with pepperoni, mushrooms, onions and anchovies, I act completely confused and he embarrasingly asks "this is dominos, right?" HE THOUGHT I WAS A PIZZA PLACE, i said no and laughed and told him he had the wrong number and he had called me in school, he quickly apologized before he hung up i stopped him because his voice sounded REAaaally miliar, like someone i've heard plenty of times I reluctinley ask "ir.you wouldn't by any chance happen to be benedict cumberbatch?" by now everyonenhelass knows n the phone and they are looking at me dazed and confused, one of the kids shouts "p on loud speaker!" so I proceed to do that and the fucking guy literally answers a that moment "yeah i am benedict but please please don't tell anyone Everyone in the class hears this and goes batshit insane (including my teacher who bare in mind is like late 40's and really stuck up) he then in a paniced voice says to me "listen listen give me your school address and i'll send your wole class pizza over in return for keeping this whole convo on the down low" WELL FUCK. AND THAT LADIES AND GENTS IS HOW MY BORING CLASS ABOLIT VQLCANOS TURNED INTO A PIZZA PARTY This is true I was Benedict cucumber
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