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I BE FEELING FRISKY WHEN Iโ€™M FRESH OUT THE SHOWER TOO DOGGO, ME TOO - SMELLIN LIKE ISPENSIVE $6 BAR OF WHOLE FOODS SOAP WITH FRENCH WORDS ON THE WRAPPER (castille asf ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚) AND Garnier โ€˜Whole Blendsโ€™ Honey Treasures ยฎ๏ธ Shampoo AND Conditioner IN MY BEARD, ENTIRE BODY BATHED IN LUBRIDERM AND COCOA BUTTER, ISPURNSIVE FRENCH LIP BALM AND AMISH BEESWAX BEARD WAX TO GET MY BEARD WAVES WAVING ๐ŸŒŠ FEELING LIKE A MILLION SMACKOS DOGGIE ME ๐Ÿ‘ TOO ๐Ÿ‘ LEH GETTIT I FEEL HALF RESTED AND FULLY BLESSEDT AND Iโ€™M READY TO TAKE ON THE WORLD BY SITTING AT MY DESK AND WORKING FOR THE NEXT 16 HOURS IN ANTICIPATION OF Q4 DEAL CLOSINGS LMAO LEH GOOOOO ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚: Fresh out of the shower and overloaded with cute energy I BE FEELING FRISKY WHEN Iโ€™M FRESH OUT THE SHOWER TOO DOGGO, ME TOO - SMELLIN LIKE ISPENSIVE $6 BAR OF WHOLE FOODS SOAP WITH FRENCH WORDS ON THE WRAPPER (castille asf ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚) AND Garnier โ€˜Whole Blendsโ€™ Honey Treasures ยฎ๏ธ Shampoo AND Conditioner IN MY BEARD, ENTIRE BODY BATHED IN LUBRIDERM AND COCOA BUTTER, ISPURNSIVE FRENCH LIP BALM AND AMISH BEESWAX BEARD WAX TO GET MY BEARD WAVES WAVING ๐ŸŒŠ FEELING LIKE A MILLION SMACKOS DOGGIE ME ๐Ÿ‘ TOO ๐Ÿ‘ LEH GETTIT I FEEL HALF RESTED AND FULLY BLESSEDT AND Iโ€™M READY TO TAKE ON THE WORLD BY SITTING AT MY DESK AND WORKING FOR THE NEXT 16 HOURS IN ANTICIPATION OF Q4 DEAL CLOSINGS LMAO LEH GOOOOO ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
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Rs I tried to make rice by myself and idk what the fuck happened but it burnt the bottom of the pan. I chucked that pan so far into the woods can't never let mom know my shame. Then I tried a second time but this time I was feeling myself and dumped half a can of Morton salt in that hoe thinking it was gonna be delectable. That bitch tasted like battery acid and old lady pussy juice. Chucked that bitch in the woods too. For my final attempt I watched a YouTube video on how to make rice. Those fuckers wanted me to put butter and cinnamon sticks into the pot. I said fuck it and bought that candy with cinnamon called red hots and dumped the whole box in and for the butter I just used regular old cocoa butter. ๐Ÿ˜ช I had to launch that pot into the abyss which I call the forest of failures. I ordered a pizza with anchovies and pineapples to punish myself and then I never went near a stove ever again.: When ur mom tries to make u schedule a doctor appointment by yourself . I need you Rs I tried to make rice by myself and idk what the fuck happened but it burnt the bottom of the pan. I chucked that pan so far into the woods can't never let mom know my shame. Then I tried a second time but this time I was feeling myself and dumped half a can of Morton salt in that hoe thinking it was gonna be delectable. That bitch tasted like battery acid and old lady pussy juice. Chucked that bitch in the woods too. For my final attempt I watched a YouTube video on how to make rice. Those fuckers wanted me to put butter and cinnamon sticks into the pot. I said fuck it and bought that candy with cinnamon called red hots and dumped the whole box in and for the butter I just used regular old cocoa butter. ๐Ÿ˜ช I had to launch that pot into the abyss which I call the forest of failures. I ordered a pizza with anchovies and pineapples to punish myself and then I never went near a stove ever again.
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gorgeousganjagirl: bbylungx: emaribaby: toxicute: huh. i go to the store, i see this oddly named massive $5 chocolate bar and decide to treat myself. turns out to be anti-slavery chocolate. coolio kinda day. i bought one of these with like salted caramel and it was soooo good where can I buy these http://www.tonyschocolonely.com : 0 6 0Z i don't kno what this is but i am on aq to find out CHOCOLONELY my dudes Hello, I'm Tony's Chocolonely. I'm an unusual kind of chocolate bar. I exist to end slavery in the chocolate industry. You're probably thinking 'huh.. slavery?' Yes. In fact, right now slaves are working on cocoa farms in West Africa, many of them are children. My mission is to make 100% slave free the norm in chocolate. With incredibly tasty chocolate, I lead by example. Pls share a piece of me and my story. Alone I make slave free chocolate, together we make chocolate slave free. Read more on the inside of this wrapper or at tonyschocolonely.com Ton Pol Am CRAZY ABOUT CHOCOLATE, SERIOUS ABOUT PEOPLE INGREDIENTS: SUGAR*, WHOLE MILK POWDER, COCOA BUTTER* COCOA MASS, SOY LECITHIN. *FAIRTRADE. COCOA SOLIDS 32% MIN. ALL NATURAL ALLERGENS: CONTAINS MILK (IN MANUFACTURED ON EQUIPMENT CONTAINING GLUTEN, EGGS, PEA lsntequally divided ird that e stry things are shared so unequally? That's why I am unequally divided. divi all pleces in a normal chocolate bar are the same stze when in the ossioni to make 10096 slave free the norm in chocolate. share a piece of nd my story Share me! Wrapped in recycled, FSC stamped, uncoated paper. Who's ever seen a chocolate bar with a coat on, anyway? isn't. hocolatemati omake 100% slave free the norm in chocolate welry things at ustry mission is to Tie shre a plece of piece of me, and my story. Together we make chocolste slave fro CHOCOLATE bar with a coat on, anyway? gorgeousganjagirl: bbylungx: emaribaby: toxicute: huh. i go to the store, i see this oddly named massive $5 chocolate bar and decide to treat myself. turns out to be anti-slavery chocolate. coolio kinda day. i bought one of these with like salted caramel and it was soooo good where can I buy these http://www.tonyschocolonely.com

gorgeousganjagirl: bbylungx: emaribaby: toxicute: huh. i go to the store, i see this oddly named massive $5 chocolate bar and decide...

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sirjefetheboss: legenderi-esque: diamondnwoods: xxgold: theimaginarythoughts: bumboclxxt: kzaketchum: krispykremeheaux: blackpassing: kingjaffejoffer: twampsackgod: biggestniq: sonoanthony: onlyblackgirl: muva-taught-me: thaunderground: lexisbianca: carterfrombk: mychalizhiding: sugaraykay: brianabreeze: approach: Which song is it going to be?? Formation Fallinโ€™ by Alicia keys Cocoa butter kisses by Chance the Rapper All Ass by Migos Bad and boujee By Migos Warning by Biggie Love by keyshia cole Salt Nโ€™ Pepa - Shoop. I just wanna fuck - Baltimore Music Club Abcโ€™s Woo woo swag Get Ur Roll On by the Big Tymers Itty bitty piggy Beez in the trap Row row your boat I donโ€™t think thereโ€™s a single song I wouldnโ€™t fuck up Rugrats theme song Noname-Sunday morning Proud Family theme song Fresh Prince theme song Us and Them : A gun to your head. You get one song choice. Recite it perfectly, you're free. Mess up, he pulls the trigger... which song you picking? sirjefetheboss: legenderi-esque: diamondnwoods: xxgold: theimaginarythoughts: bumboclxxt: kzaketchum: krispykremeheaux: blackpassing: kingjaffejoffer: twampsackgod: biggestniq: sonoanthony: onlyblackgirl: muva-taught-me: thaunderground: lexisbianca: carterfrombk: mychalizhiding: sugaraykay: brianabreeze: approach: Which song is it going to be?? Formation Fallinโ€™ by Alicia keys Cocoa butter kisses by Chance the Rapper All Ass by Migos Bad and boujee By Migos Warning by Biggie Love by keyshia cole Salt Nโ€™ Pepa - Shoop. I just wanna fuck - Baltimore Music Club Abcโ€™s Woo woo swag Get Ur Roll On by the Big Tymers Itty bitty piggy Beez in the trap Row row your boat I donโ€™t think thereโ€™s a single song I wouldnโ€™t fuck up Rugrats theme song Noname-Sunday morning Proud Family theme song Fresh Prince theme song Us and Them
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Bruh. Why every hotel and resort - even nice ones - give u that lil ass bar of dry ass soap, and the lotion that don't even moisturize u? Shit feel good for 11 seconds, then u dry again. It's like catfish lotion - just when u think u nice and creamy it's like "nah bish, YOU THOUGHT. Squeeze another lil ass bottle of lotion on u, see if that'll do it โ˜บ๏ธ." See, hell nah. If I ran a hotel, everybody get a big ass bar of Dove extra moisturizing soap, and a tub of cocoa butter. Not a bottle, a tub. Crack the seal on dat bish, dip your hand in it, and slather yourself silly. Or for $20 extra, a Filipino maid (who's not ugly but she's not cute either like she's 51 years old and u can see she use to be cute but the stress of having four kids and 11 grandkids done wore on her) will pop up and slather u down with cocoa butter skrate down to betwixt the butt cheeks and then enrobe u in a silk bathrobe so u feel soft, sexy and special AF. And then u just like "Thank you Analyn, that non-sexual lotion rub-down was incredible. I know this service at Chateau du Smash costs 20 bucks but here's 50. Or as y'all say in the Philippines, 'Pippty' โ˜บ๏ธ." RITZ CARLTON I'M COMING FOR YALL - KEEP FUCKING AROUND AND NOT MAKING ME FEEL SOFT AND SENSUAL AND IMMA OPEN MY OWN HOTEL CHAIN. I ALREADY NAMED IT. YA CLOCK IS TICKING. FIX DIS SHIT. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ [Editor's Note: A Filipino follower (justifiably) asked if I have something against Filipinos. Let me say this ๐Ÿ’ฏ percent straight up: I love Filipinos with all my heart. I grew up with some Filipinos homies and feel like they blood. I honestly try to keep it light hearted but I could see how it might look like I'm singling them out. Please forgive me! I love all people and I will make sure to portray Filipinos in a more positive light in the future. Bless up! โค]: In case you're having a rough day DrSmashlove Bruh. Why every hotel and resort - even nice ones - give u that lil ass bar of dry ass soap, and the lotion that don't even moisturize u? Shit feel good for 11 seconds, then u dry again. It's like catfish lotion - just when u think u nice and creamy it's like "nah bish, YOU THOUGHT. Squeeze another lil ass bottle of lotion on u, see if that'll do it โ˜บ๏ธ." See, hell nah. If I ran a hotel, everybody get a big ass bar of Dove extra moisturizing soap, and a tub of cocoa butter. Not a bottle, a tub. Crack the seal on dat bish, dip your hand in it, and slather yourself silly. Or for $20 extra, a Filipino maid (who's not ugly but she's not cute either like she's 51 years old and u can see she use to be cute but the stress of having four kids and 11 grandkids done wore on her) will pop up and slather u down with cocoa butter skrate down to betwixt the butt cheeks and then enrobe u in a silk bathrobe so u feel soft, sexy and special AF. And then u just like "Thank you Analyn, that non-sexual lotion rub-down was incredible. I know this service at Chateau du Smash costs 20 bucks but here's 50. Or as y'all say in the Philippines, 'Pippty' โ˜บ๏ธ." RITZ CARLTON I'M COMING FOR YALL - KEEP FUCKING AROUND AND NOT MAKING ME FEEL SOFT AND SENSUAL AND IMMA OPEN MY OWN HOTEL CHAIN. I ALREADY NAMED IT. YA CLOCK IS TICKING. FIX DIS SHIT. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ [Editor's Note: A Filipino follower (justifiably) asked if I have something against Filipinos. Let me say this ๐Ÿ’ฏ percent straight up: I love Filipinos with all my heart. I grew up with some Filipinos homies and feel like they blood. I honestly try to keep it light hearted but I could see how it might look like I'm singling them out. Please forgive me! I love all people and I will make sure to portray Filipinos in a more positive light in the future. Bless up! โค]
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Now one of my followers read my last caption and asked "smash what if I use my mirrors to back into spots??" Well baby I'm glad you asked. See this type of woman is very dangerous. Very very dangerous. If she can back into a spot, she got other life skills. She could change oil. She could change a flat tire. She could change a damn transmission with her bare hands. I had a ex like this. Tattooed young ting who worked as a waitress, she was feminine AF. When I closed her bedroom door she didn't like how it rubbed the door frame. Tell me why did homegirl take apart the two hinges, LIFT THE DOOR OFF THE FRAME, fix the hinges, AND PUT THE DOOR BACK. I was like "aye lemme help you with the door baby" she look at me dead ass like "IT'S HOLLOW - I GOT IT" and she maneuvering this big ass door bigger than her. Men - lemme tell u some shit, and I want u to remember this - u have never seen something crazier than a lil ass woman doing manual labor in only panties while her boobies flail about as she hammer and screw shit in. It's a wondrous thing, it truly is. So with that said, shout to u girls that's handy. Hands on. Elbow grease. (There's a saying that involves elbow grease because the old white men I work with say it all the time but I still don't know what it mean so when people talk about fixing shit, I just say "elbow grease" to fit in. I hope I used that correctly? Who knows ๐Ÿค”). In any event shout to u girls who cocoa butter your bodies but also have elbow grease. Bring your greasy ass here girl let's have chirren - I fux with your handiness, ol Bob-Villa-as-a-pretty-woman lookin ass ๐Ÿค—. Bless up! ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚: Blue heeler puppy Dr Smashlove Now one of my followers read my last caption and asked "smash what if I use my mirrors to back into spots??" Well baby I'm glad you asked. See this type of woman is very dangerous. Very very dangerous. If she can back into a spot, she got other life skills. She could change oil. She could change a flat tire. She could change a damn transmission with her bare hands. I had a ex like this. Tattooed young ting who worked as a waitress, she was feminine AF. When I closed her bedroom door she didn't like how it rubbed the door frame. Tell me why did homegirl take apart the two hinges, LIFT THE DOOR OFF THE FRAME, fix the hinges, AND PUT THE DOOR BACK. I was like "aye lemme help you with the door baby" she look at me dead ass like "IT'S HOLLOW - I GOT IT" and she maneuvering this big ass door bigger than her. Men - lemme tell u some shit, and I want u to remember this - u have never seen something crazier than a lil ass woman doing manual labor in only panties while her boobies flail about as she hammer and screw shit in. It's a wondrous thing, it truly is. So with that said, shout to u girls that's handy. Hands on. Elbow grease. (There's a saying that involves elbow grease because the old white men I work with say it all the time but I still don't know what it mean so when people talk about fixing shit, I just say "elbow grease" to fit in. I hope I used that correctly? Who knows ๐Ÿค”). In any event shout to u girls who cocoa butter your bodies but also have elbow grease. Bring your greasy ass here girl let's have chirren - I fux with your handiness, ol Bob-Villa-as-a-pretty-woman lookin ass ๐Ÿค—. Bless up! ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
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